One Piece: Strawhat Theater
"Our Mrs. Monkey"
Disclaimer: This is a non-profit fan-based work of prose. One Piece is the property of Toei Animation, Funimation, and Eiichiro Oda. Please support the official release.
Alubarna
Luffy's stomach rumbled, and he slowly awoke. He still ached like hell from the battle with Crocodile, but this warm soft bed and a warm soft body were making things much better.
He opened his eyes, and looked down. Nami was sleeping next to him, her arms wrapped around his waist. Luffy smiled happily. Someone hugging him in bed was nice, but Nami being the one to do it was... Extra nice. He didn't know where they were, he just knew it was very nice-A white and pink room with big windows that let in a lot of sunlight, several beds in a row, and a few neat curtains hanging down. His hat was sitting on a side table, so that was taken care of. Judging from the view of Alubarna, he guessed they might be in the palace.
Awesome. Kicked Crocodile's ass and now I'm in a palace! Now all I need is food...
"Oi, Nami," Luffy said, gently shaking her shoulder. Her eyes fluttered, and she yawned as she awoke. She looked up, blinking... Her eyes then widened and she smiled.
"Luffy!" She gasped. "You're awake!" She threw her arms around his neck and hugged him, and he hugged her back. She pressed her lips to his, and a hot flush seemed to shoot through him.
Wow! Now he knew what all the fuss was about!
"Ha! Yeah!" He said cheerfully as she broke the kiss. "I'm also hungry, so could you get me some food?" He frowned.
Nami then punched him. "Ow!" Luffy cried, rubbing his cheek. "That hurt!"
"Idiot!" Nami snarled, hitting him again. "Idiot!" And again. "IDIOT!"
"Owowow! Nami, Nami what'd I do?" Luffy cried, genuinely bewildered. It only got worse when she kissed him again.
"Idiot!" Nami cried, hugging him tightly and burying her face in his chest. "You have any idea how worried I was? You've been out for three days!"
"Three days?" Luffy asked. "That's... Fifteen meals!"
"MORON!" Nami shouted, punching him even harder. "We... We nearly...!" She sobbed and hugged him again.
Luffy blinked. "Ah... Sorry about that," he said. "Had to kick Crocodile's ass."
"Y-Yeah... Yeah, I know," Nami sniffled, still hugging him. "It still... I..."
"Mm? What?" Luffy asked. Nami looked up, sniffling as tears and snot ran down her face. He smiled a little. "You're gonna need a handkerchief!"
"Idiot!" Nami said in an odd kind of growl and laugh. She kissed him once more, very briefly. "Mm... When we found you, you were so... So cold..."
That warm fuzziness again... Man, he was going to have to do this with Nami a lot from now on. Maybe she'd let him sleep with her from now on so he could kiss her any time he wanted? Oh, wait, she was still upset. He should probably pay attention to that. Sanji had said that he should always pay attention to Nami, and he hadn't steered him wrong yet.
"Even in the rain you were freezing and I..."
"Well I'm not anymore-"
"And I could barely feel your heartbeat, and your fever was so high they said you were poisoned," Nami went on, babbling now, "and I-I thought-I thought for a second you were..." She kissed him, and then hit him again. Luffy wondered if that's how kissing was really supposed to work. "Idiot!"
Luffy blinked a few times as his wife hugged him, still sobbing. He then grinned.
"Shishishi..." He sat up slowly, and rested a hand against the back of Nami's head. He turned her head, and pressed his chest up against her ear. "But I'm not... Listen!"
Nami trembled, but seemed to calm down as she listened to his heartbeat. Her arms tightened their grip around his waist, and she sighed.
"See? I'm alive," Luffy said, stroking his hand through Nami's short hair. It felt very nice, like stroking a kitten. Nami nuzzled his chest, and looked up at him.
"Yeah... Yeah, you are," she said softly. She scooted up to sit in his lap, facing him. Her cheeks were flushed, and she was very, very warm... He let out a gasp, and she looked down. Her eyes widened.
"Oh, sorry," Luffy apologized. "It does that a lot..." He grinned. "Mostly when I think of you!"
Nami's entire face went bright red.
"Oh... Oh, I-I forgot," Nami said softly. Luffy blinked as she ran her fingers down the buttons of his pajamas.
"Nami?"
She looked back up and kissed him again, this time pressing her tongue into his mouth. He responded as trained, wrapping it around hers. His hands started to slide around as Nami pushed him onto his back. She broke the kiss long enough to discard her top, and Luffy's eyes widened.
"Buh... Buh..." He winced. "You're not gonna charge me for looking, are you?"
"Idiot," Nami laughed, wiping her eyes, before unbuttoning his pajama top, "of course not..."
"Are... Are you sure he can eat all of that?" Igaram asked, staring in disbelief at the huge pile of food atop the cart. Sanji smirked.
"If he can't, then we'll know he's in real trouble," he said. He sighed and clasped his hands together. "Besides, Nami-swan is in there and she'll need my tender loving care after staying with him all night long!"
"You don't think they...?" Usopp began, before shaking his head. He was still heavily bandaged, but Chopper's medical skills had made it so he could at least walk around. Sanji growled.
"What? No! Never!"
"Heh. I bet they did," Zoro said with a smirk nearby. Sanji growled.
"You take that back! He wouldn't lay a finger on Nami-swan! He wouldn't know how!"
"But haven't you been teaching him, Sanji?" Vivi asked with a wide smile, arriving with her father Cobra. Zoro smirked.
"Guess you only have yourself to blame, shitty cook."
"Shut the hell up, mosshead!" Sanji snarled. "I'm only doing this to make Nami-swan happy!" He rubbed his chin. "Though if they were doing... It..." He immediately shoved the cart down the hall. "WAIT FOR ME, NAMI-SWANNN~!"
"HEY! WAIT UP!" Usopp shouted, charging after him. "YOU PERV!"
"I WANNA SEE TOO!" Chopper cried.
"Wait for me!" Vivi laughed, running after them. Zoro sighed and looked over at King Cobra, who coughed.
"I do want to be there when he wakes up," the king said, and he ran after his daughter. Igrama cleared his throat.
"Quite the crew you've got," Igaram observed. Zoro shook his head and ran after them.
"Believe me, you have no idea..."
Nami kissed Luffy furiously, her hands going all over his body. To have him so warm and so alive underneath her was almost indescribable.
It also helped that Sanji had made him a very good kisser and his hands were gentle all over her body. She felt him down below, and he groaned pleasurably in her ear... She broke the kiss and pulled back, panting.
"Haa... Haa... H-Hey," Luffy said, looking at her in confusion, "is-is everything okay...?"
"Ah... Y-Yeah, it's just that, um," Nami felt her arms going over her breasts, "well... This isn't a good idea."
Luffy blinked. "It isn't?"
"W-Well, right now, if we... If we do anything," she said, not meeting his eyes, "well I'm... I'm ovulating."
A beat.
"... Ovu-what?"
Nami sighed, and lightly hit her idiot husband over the head. "It means, if we do... That," and here she blushed furiously, "we-we might... I might get pregnant."
"Oh." Luffy hummed. "Would that be a bad thing?"
"I... O-Of course it would...!" Nami tried to get out, but seeing him alive and under her and alive made it hard for her to speak. His hand rested on her abdomen, and she stopped breathing.
"Why?" Luffy asked. Nami again found herself unable to speak, but managed to take a few deep breaths to calm herself.
"I mean... I-I'd like to, but..."
Luffy reached over to the side table, and picked up his hat. He pressed it down on her head, and she felt herself go bright red at the implication. He smiled.
"So why don't we?" He asked. He hugged her tightly, and grinned at her. "Let's make a baby, Nami!"
From any other man, those would have been the corniest, least sexy words ever uttered. But from Luffy... She felt like she was on fire. Nami kissed him deeply, and found herself moving down, and down-
The door burst open.
"NAMI-SWAN! I'VE GOT BREAAAAHHHHHHH?" Sanji screamed.
"Hey guys what's-WOAH! WOAH! HOLY CRAP I WAS RIGHT!" Usopp shouted.
"What? What's the big deal, why are you covering my eyes Usopp?" Chopper asked.
"NEVER YOU MIND, CHOPPER! NOTHING'S GOING ON!" Usopp shouted.
"Oh my!" Cobra cried. "I-It-Excuse me-! I'm very sorry, we'll just be leaving-"
"Just as I figured," Zoro sighed. "Cook, why the hell are you crying?"
"DAMN YOU LUFFY! WHY MUST YOU BE SUCH A GOOD STUDENT?" Sanji sobbed.
Nami very slowly turned her head, her eyebrow twitching dangerously. All of the males in the room swore they heard ominous chanting as hellfire shown from her eyes. She reached for her Climatact.
"GET... THE HELL... OUT!" She roared, smacking all four of her fellow crewmates and the King of Alabasta and finally blasting them down the hallway with a Whirlwind Tempo.
"AAHHHH! NAMI-SWAANNNN! WHYYYY?" Sanji cried.
"NOT AGAINNNNN!" Usopp shouted.
"WHEEEEEE!" Chopper shouted.
"WHAT THE HELL DID I DOOOO?" Zoro yelled.
"MY APOLOGIIIIIES!" Cobra bellowed.
Vivi had dodged out of the way, and smiled apologetically at the furious Nami. "S-Sorry," she said, bright red herself. Her eyes wandered to Luffy in the bed. "Um, if we'd known I'd..." She covered her mouth. "Oh my..."
"VIVI! STOP OGLING MY HUSBAND!" Nami shouted.
"SORRY! SORRY!" Vivi shouted back, giggling all the same. She pushed in the food cart, which had miraculously not been blow away too, bowed, and ran for the door. "W-We'll talk later!"
Nami sighed as the door nearly shut. "Vivi! If you don't get out I'm going to double the contract!"
The door clicked shut. Nami sighed and rubbed her forehead, turning back to Luffy.
"Luffy, I..." She blinked. "Wasn't there a food cart there...?"
"Oh. So that's why all that fruit was so crunchy," Luffy said, rubbing his jaw. Nami sighed, and laughed a little.
"Why am I not surprised?" Nami asked flatly. Luffy grinned at her.
"So! Are we gonna try to make a baby now?"
"Luffy," and with her head clear she was able to say it, "I-I would love to... Some day, but not now," she said. Luffy blinked and then smiled.
"Okay!"
"Just like that?" Nami asked in some disbelief. Luffy grinned.
"Well, a baby is a nakama that two people have to agree to meet later, right?"
Nami found herself giggling at his description as she sat down on the bed next to him. "Yeah, pretty much..."
"So, until both of us agree, we won't meet him," Luffy said.
"Or her," Nami replied.
"Or her," Luffy agreed. "But we're gonna meet them someday, so..." And here he grinned. "No rush!"
Nami sighed, and hugged him tightly. "... Stop trying to make me change my mind, idiot," she mumbled.
"Huh?" Luffy asked, blinking.
"Nothing..."
"Ahhh! Nami-swan, flushed with love and wearing nothing but Luffy's hat!" Sanji cried, rising from the floor as he thrust his fists into the air. "She is the very image of feminine beauty!"
"I will never be able to look at that hat the same way again," Usopp groaned.
"I'm more worried about how much debt she's going to pile on us," Zoro grumbled.
"I bet she'll quadruple it... So worth it!" Sanji cried.
"You're pathetic," Zoro sighed.
"SHUT UP MOSSHEAD!" Sanji cried, kicking Zoro down the hallway.
"ERO COOK!" The swordsman yelled as he bounced off the walls into an adjacent room.
"What's everyone so excited about?" Chopper asked. "What the heck did you guys all see? What were they doing?"
"Uh, just forget it Chopper," Vivi said, running up with a blush to check on her father. She handed the reindeer a piece of candy. "Why don't you go to the kitchens and get some more food for all of us to eat, huh?"
"Well, okay," Chopper said with a sigh, running off. Vivi took a deep breath, and looked to her father.
"Father? Are you all right?"
Cobra Nefertiri groaned as he rose. He rubbed his nose, a bit of blood leaking out of it.
"Well... Now I know why that young man fought so hard to live," he said wryly. Vivi blushed.
"And why she did too," she mumbled.
"Alas... I've created a monster!" Sanji cried, shaking his fist at a cruel and sadistic God. "He's even gone where I... Uh..."
"Where you... What?" Usopp asked. Sanji lowered his fist and coughed, looking aside. Usopp's eyes widened.
"Oh my God, you're a virgin!"
"NO! I'm not! I've been with doze- HUNDREDS of girls! I've sexed up and down the sea!" Sanji shouted furiously. "I AM A CASANOVA TO END ALL CASANOVAS!"
Usopp stared at him with the most deadpan expression imaginable.
"That is such an obvious lie it hurts my professional pride."
Sanji gave Usopp a dark look that portended a life of pain and misery. "If you think about telling Zoro I will personally-"
"Oh please," Zoro snorted, walking back up the hallways. "No one who is as interested in sex as you are could possibly be anything BUT a virgin."
"Yeah, so? Like you can talk!" Sanji growled. Zoro was silent. Sanji's visible eye widened.
"Oh god," Sanji said, and he began to blubber melodramatically.
"I'm not going to say anything," Zoro muttered.
"You aren't?" Usopp gasped.
"It's no big deal," Zoro said with a shrug.
"This explains so much now," Usopp muttered.
"About?" Zoro asked.
"Sanji. But you also," Usopp said.
"How about you?" Zoro and Sanji shouted, pointing at Usopp.
"What about me?" Usopp asked.
"Have you-?"
The long nosed sniper coughed, stood up and placed his hands upon his hips with a jaunty laugh.
"Oh yeah, I've been with doze- HUNDREDS of girls! Sexed up and down the seas, Captain Usopp has left a vast trail of broken hearts in his wake! Ahahahaha!"
"... Well, that does make me feel a lot better," Sanji said, lighting up a cigarette and relaxing. Usopp sighed, depressed. "Still, I would like to know-"
"Never telling," Zoro said flatly.
"Oh come on!" Sanji growled.
"Nope," Zoro said.
"Please, save such conversation for another time!" Cobra said. He lowered his voice. "Like when my daughter isn't listening."
"Father!" Vivi cried, laughing and blushing... And strangely enough, not looking Zoro's way.
The escape from Alabasta had been desperate and emotional. Being chased by warships to a tearful goodbye from Vivi (who, sadly, was not coming along) could not be anything but. However, the Going Merry was able to escape, the wind fully in her sails as she set course further down the Grand Line.
However, they were taking something extra along...
"Hey guys! Look what I found!" Chopper cried, coming up from below decks with a box. "It's a package! And it's addressed to you and Nami from Vivi!" He said, looking at Luffy. Luffy, who had been moping moments before, came to life and grinned.
"Yeah! Presents!" Luffy shouted, jumping down to the main deck and tearing it open. Nami scowled and ran down the ladder, smacking Luffy over the head.
"Idiot! Let me look too!" She said.
She pulled out a box with a letter attached, and opened both. Within were two rings, both gold plated. One bore an amber gem, smoky and seductive, with a ring of green emeralds and what looked like diamonds. The other was a plain gold band.
"Oh wow, shiny," Luffy gasped.
"It's incredible!" Usopp gasped, as Luffy yanked the shiny ring up and examined it. Nami scowled and yanked it back.
"Hey! It's mine!" Nami said.
"What? But it's shiny!" Luffy complained.
"Idiot! The woman gets the shinier ring," Sanji said flatly, with a bop to Luffy's head for good measure.
"Owww! How come?" Luffy complained.
"So she knows she's special, idiot!" Sanji growled. "Come on, didn't you learn anything from me?"
"I'm amazed he didn't become dumber," Zoro quipped.
"SHUT THE HELL UP YOU BASTARD!" Sanji roared, and the two descended into a fight. Luffy scratched his cheek, and looked to Nami who was still reading the letter.
"What does she say?" Luffy asked. Nami looked over at her husband, and then at Usopp and Chopper who were also looking intently. She sighed.
"She wishes us many years of happiness, and enjoyment of our gifts," she said with a sad smile. "And to enjoy these gifts..." Her eyes widened. "Which include painite in my ring, a gemstone rarer and more expensive than diamond?"
"Oh yeah, didn't see that one coming," Zoro said dryly. "OOF!"
"Don't get distracted, asshole!" Sanji snarled.
"Well, if that's the case then," and here Luffy smiled as he took Nami's ring and slid it onto her ring finger, causing her to blush, "here ya go!"
Nami trembled and looked over at Luffy. "I... Thank you," she said.
"Just as long as I get to look at it," Luffy said, staring in wonder at his wife's ring's shinyness. "So... Shiny..."
"Yeah," Chopper and Usopp sighed. Luffy then looked down at the box and grinned.
"I'm gonna put the other one on-"
"No, wait," Nami said, grasping his wrist. "Let me do it."
Nami smiled and took the other ring up from the box. She took Luffy's hand and slid the ring onto his finger. He smiled back and looked at it in the sunlight.
"Wow... That's shiny too!" He said cheerfully. He dug into the box and pulled out a book. "Huh? A book?" He asked in disbelief.
"Open it up! It was a gift from Vivi!" Usopp encouraged.
"Did she leave anything for us?" Sanji asked with a bright grin.
"I thought she already gave you her gift," Zoro said flatly. "Ya know, food, some clothing, putting up with you?"
"SHUT YOUR FACE BASTARD!"
"MAKE ME ERO COOK!"
Luffy opened the book and his eyes widened. "Oh wow... It looks like the stuff in Sanji's books!"
"Sanji's books?" Nami asked, turning the book to look at it. She saw a series of sexual positions on the pages, and her face turned bright red. "VIVI!"
"Wow... That looks funny!" Luffy said with a smile. He stood on one foot and stretched his other foot up high, before twisting himself into a knot. "Oh! Maybe I could make a great attack out of this!"
And thus Gum Gum Fireworks was born, though nobody knew that at the time.
"Ooh... Some of these look anatomically risky..." Chopper commented, flipping through the pages. Nami, steam rising from her head, snatched the book away and shut it tightly. "Hey! I was reading that!"
"Well, I guess she does want you to have a good marriage, after all," Usopp said with a laugh. "OWWW!" A laugh that turned into a yelp of pain as Nami smacked him over the head. "What was that for?"
"Rrrr!" Nami growled, squeezing Usopp's nose. "Any more cracks like that and I'll make it so no one can tell you're lying ever-"
"Nami!" Luffy said with a scowl. "What did we talk about?"
Nami coughed, let Usopp go, and punched her husband hard. "That better?"
"Ow! Yeah, it is," Luffy said.
Sanji and Zoro had ceased their fighting, and were watching the other four crewmates on the deck. Sanji sighed, and shook his head.
"He'll be fine," Sanji said, lighting up another cigarette. "We'll all be fine..."
"You two?" Zoro asked dryly. Sanji smirked.
"Of course... As long as Nami-swan is happy, I'm happy." He turned to look out at the ocean, the smoke curling from his nostrils. "That is true love, after all..." He sighed. "I'm going to miss Vivi-chan though..."
"Yeah. Me too," Chopper sighed.
"Me three," Usopp added.
"Me four," Nami hummed.
"Me five," Luffy said. They all pouted as one, and Zoro stared.
"Huh?"
"WE MISS HER!" They cried.
"All of these gifts remind me of how much I miss her!" Usopp sniffled.
"If you wanted her to come, you should have taken her! By force if necessary!" Zoro argued.
"Ah! Barbarian!" Chopper cried.
"Bastard!" Sanji snarled.
"Jerk!" Nami added.
"Three sword style!" Luffy accused.
"No, Luffy, that's not an insult," Usopp said flatly.
"... Four sword style!" Luffy cried.
"No, that's not the problem!" Usopp insisted. "For an insult you need to attack something particular to an individual, a flaw or negative feature..." At Luffy's blank look, Usopp just sighed. "Go back to your gifts."
"Yeah!" The rubber man said happily, rummaging around in the box. Luffy then frowned and held up a particularly racy bit of blue and white underwear he had found in his search. "Woah! I don't think I can wear this."
"LUFFY! YOU BASTARD!" Sanji snarled, being restrained by Zoro. "I'LL TEAR YOU LIMB FROM LIMB, YOU'LL NEVER EAT AGAIN!"
"Ah, so this is love," Zoro said dryly.
"L-Luffy!" Nami said with a deep blush, yanking the lingerie out of his hands and tucking it against her chest.
"I think it looks cute," offered Nico Robin, emerging from a hatch nearby with a smile. Nami nodded.
"Well yeah, but it's still embarrassing!"
"What? You wear less when we sleep," Luffy said. Nami blushed and hit him.
"Idiot!"
There was dead silence. Every one of the Strawhats turned to look at Nico Robin, who was smiling at them.
"Good afternoon," she greeted them, politely.
"WAAAAAAAHHHHH?" Was the response of the Strawhats.
Denver Comicon has taken up most of my time, but I was able to put this together. Hope you enjoyed. The Skypeia and Bellamy arcs have some opportunities for chapters for this story, but for the most part the events of canon would be unchanged. So I might write a short chapter detailing some events there, but only briefly.
Besides, I want to get to Water 7. For the simplest reason of all: Garp catches up to them.
And he's not too happy...