One Piece: Strawhat Theater
"Our Mrs. Monkey"
Disclaimer: This is a non-profit fan-based work of prose. One Piece is the property of Toei Animation, Funimation, and Eiichiro Oda. Please support the official release.
Set right after Enies Lobby...
The battle raged around the Strawhats as, in a tight wedge, they ran down the center of the aisle. Bullets, swords, darts, rubber bands, fists, feet, bombs-They all flashed by as Luffy led the way, holding Nami's hand.
"Woo hoo! Hahahahaha!" Luffy laughed. "Best wedding everrr!"
"Let's get the hell out of here! Go go go go go!" Nami screamed.
"Ah? But we almost forgot-" Luffy dodged a punch thrown by a Marine, and belted him into the stratosphere, "the cake!"
"AND?" Sanji shouted. "WHAT ELSE DID YOU FORGET?" He took the time to kick a pirate from had been swinging for Nojiko away. The blue haired woman, contrary to her sister, looked to be enjoying herself as she held Sanji's hand.
"Oh! Right! Bouquet and garter toss!" Luffy said cheerfully.
"What?" Nami gasped.
"NOW IS NOT THE TIME YOU IDIOT!" Zoro shouted, fighting off Tashigi furiously.
"YOU'RE GOING DOWN PIRATE HUNTER!"
"BRING IT ON FOUR EYES!"
"DAMNIT ZORO! THAT'S NO WAY TO SPEAK TO A LADY!" Sanji cried.
"Damnit Luffy we've got to get out of here!" Nami cried. "We don't have time for this!"
"HEY YOU! FRANKY!" Shouted Jesus Burgess, as he pounded his chest. "FIGHT ME!" He sneered at Sanji. "OR YOU, BLACK FOOT! COME ON, FIGHT ME! ALL AT ONCE, ALL AT THE SAME TIME!"
"ORA! YOU CAN'T SCARE ME! FRANKY, SUPER CYBORG!" Franky bellowed back, shaking his fist.
"BAH! YOU ARE PATHETIC, METAL MAN! YOU CAN'T SMELL WHAT I'M COOKING! IT'S YOUR DOOM!" Jesus cackled.
"FOOL! YOU DEAL WITH THE METAL MAN WITH THE HOTTEST BLOOD EVER!" Franky shouted back, posing dramatically as his eyes flashed. "THE HOPES OF MEN ARE CARRIED ON MY BACK!"
"YOU AIN'T NO GURREN LAGANN, SON! NOT FROM WHERE I'M COMING FROM! AND EVEN IF YOU WERE, IT DON'T MEAN A DAMN THING TO THIS MAN!" Jesus taunted.
"They're not even fighting, they're just yelling at each other!" Chopper gasped.
"Yes! They exercise in the truest fight between two champions!" Sogeking said dramatically, "to break each other's spirits through verbal combat!"
"Incredible!" Chopper gasped, tears coming to his eyes. "To stand and fight in such a way even in the midst of a huge battle!"
"Truly this is a sport for men!" Sogeking sobbed.
"Truly!" Chopper sobbed with him.
"Idiots!" Nami screamed.
"But Namiiii... It's tradition!" Luffy whined, as Franky trash talked Jesus with equal aplomb. "Besides, I can't really cut loose in this suit or Grandpa will kill me!"
Nami scowled.
"What about us? We might die!"
"So? How is that different from any other time?" Luffy asked. He grinned. "Besides, I'm gonna be Pirate King, remember? It'll be fine!" Nami stared at him for a while, before she sighed and slowly nodded.
"All right..." She narrowed her eyes. "But we're doing this my way."
"HURRY IT UP WILL YOU?" Zoro shouted. He glared at the rest of his comrades as he locked blades with Tashigi. "YOU DON'T HAVE TO HELP OR ANYTHING!"
"Okay, we won't!" Chopper said.
"You've got it under control!" Sogeking said.
"It's marvelous you've found someone, Zoro," Robin said with a smile, negligently choking a Marine who tried to brain her from behind.
"I HATE YOU ALL!"
"Hahahaha!" Alvida cackled as she slipped through several Marines to get right up to the Strawhats. "Looks like I get here first," she said, holding her mace over her head. "So terribly sorry but it's time to say goodbye, dearie. But for what it's worth, you picked a good husband." She grinned. "And he'll make an even better widower!"
"Nami!" Luffy shouted.
Nami took out her Perfect Climatact, and spun it up as she held her bouquet over her head. She smirked.
"Don't you want to catch the bouquet first, at least?" She asked. Alvida blinked and smiled.
"Oh yes! Of course!"
"HEY EVERYONE!" Nami shouted. "I'M THROWING THE BOUQUET!"
That got a lot of attention and Nami grinned.
"CYCLONE TEMPO!"
She let loose a blast of wind, and thanks to the dial's properties it surrounded the bouquet and fired it off like a missile. Alvida raised her hands.
"I've got it, I've got it, I've-!" The bouquet slipped right through her hands, leaving Alvida gaping at her empty grasp. "Ah... It... DAMNIT!" She raged, just before a series of lightning strikes connected and sent her flying into the crowd. Nami smirked.
"I figured that anything that was going fast enough at you would slip off!" She called. She raised her Climatact sections up. "Now, here we go!" She steered the bouquet whirlwind through the crowd, blowing away Marines and pirates alike.
"COOL!" Luffy said with a grin. Nami's eyes then widened as the whirlwind headed for the banquet tables.
"Crap crap crap, come on, shift...!"
The bouquet shot right for Kureha, who was digging into a plate of beef alongside a man with strange tattoos on his face. She sniffed, and swung her legs around. "I'm far too young for marriage!" She declared, and kicked the cyclone back the other way.
"How the hell did she do that?" Nami gasped.
Vivi, taking down a pirate with a Peacock Slasher, looked up as she saw the bouquet flying. "Oh! It's mine!" She looked across the battle at Zoro, blushed, and adopted a determined expression. "PEACOCK SLASHER!"
Nami's eyes widened. "WAIT VIVI! DON'T-!"
The Peacock slasher connected, and yanked Vivi into the wind.
"UWAAAAHHH!" The Princess of Alabasta flew over the chaos, caught up in the whirlwind. Below, Captain Hina of the Marines looked up and scowled.
"Hey! Hina wants to catch the bouquet!" She cried. She jumped up and threw her arm around the cyclone. She grinned as it stretched and enclosed around the cyclone... Which kept going while the bouquet popped out. "Wha-AH!"
Vivi slammed into the Captain and they both went down, allowing the bouquet to tumble through the air practically right back where it came from. Finally, it tumbled into a landing in between Tashigi's arms.
"Ah?" The blue haired woman paused her attack on Zoro to look down. She blushed brightly, and shyly looked up at Zoro. The green haired swordswoman cringed even as he too blushed.
"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU LOOKING AT ME FOR?" Zoro demanded. Tashigi looked over at Shanks, who was chatting amicably with Mihawk while drinking beer right in the middle of pitched combat. "AND WHY ARE YOU STARING AT HIM NOW?"
"I CAN LOOK AT ANYONE I WANT!" Tashigi shouted.
"This will be the first time he's ever touched a woman. Be gentle," Sanji said with a grin.
"SHUT UP!" Zoro and Tashigi bellowed.
"All right! MY TURN!" Luffy said with a broad grin. Nami lifted her skirts up, and Luffy kneeled down. He slid his hands up Nami's leg. She squeaked and her cheeks burned bright red.
"LUFFY! That's too high!" Nami cried, smacking him.
"Ow! Gotcha!" He stood back up with the garter in hand and a grin. He (carefully) twisted himself around on his waist, and coiled his arm. "GUM GUM... GARTER THROW!"
He released the tension, spinning into a blur, before he released the garter. Due to the sheer speed of it's acceleration, impossibly the garter was flung through the air so fast it bounced-Off of the heads of Marines and pirates alike.
When it shot for Shanks, he merely ducked and let it fly by. Buggy saw it coming and paused his fight with Blackbeard.
"It's mine! IN YOUR FACE, SHANKS-URK!" The garter shattered Buggy into pieces and continued on it's way. "Wh-Why...?'
"Zeehahahahahaha!" Blackbeard cackled. "How pathetic, Big Nose!"
"SHUT YOUR FLASHING MOUTH YOU FLASHING FATASS!" Buggy screamed, somehow getting a knife into every piece of himself and charging for Blackbeard.
"I'M NOT A FATASS, BIG NOSE!" Blackbeard roared, letting loose his darkness powers. Still, Buggy fought on furiously.
"FATASS!"
"BIG NOSE!"
"FATASS!"
"BIG NOSE!"
"Wow... Quite the petty fight," Ace commented at the banquet table. Smoker joined him, drinking some beer and hitting any pirate or marine that got too close to the civilians clustered around the food.
"They're so sensitive," the Marine captain said. "You may be a stinking pirate, but at least you're not that bad."
"Thanks! I think," Ace said cheerfully.
"Pass the curry, if you please," Genzo said. Smoker blinked.
"How'd you get through all of that?"
"Went around," Genzo said cheerfully.
Smoker shrugged. "Fair enough."
Coby, having been forgotten from the start of the fight, now stood upon the podium with fire in his eyes. Helmeppo, recently recovered, had charged in to help his friend.
"COBY! GET DOWN!" Helmeppo shouted. "YOU FOOL! GET DOWN, YOU'RE GOING TO BE KILLED!"
Coby sucked in a deep breath, and grinned. "Helmeppo," he said, "I'm gonna catch that garter."
"WHAT?" Helmeppo gasped, as the garter flew through several Marines and blasted them all into the air. "YOU'LL DIE!"
"Helmeppo," Coby said with a smile, "I need to prove myself a worthy rival to the future Pirate King." He clenched his fists. "I can't do that if I run and hide!" He grinned. "Because Luffy's gonna come to my wedding, and he's not gonna be my best man!"
Helmeppo stared up in awe, manly tears pouring from his eyes. "C-Coby..." He sniffled. "You're an inspiration!"
The garter was now heading right for Coby. The young chief petty officer steeled himself, gathered his power...
"SORU..." He kicked off the podium, leaving it shattered in the wake of his flight. "GARTER...!" He reached out with both hands. "CAT-!"
BOOM! The garter connected with Coby, and sent him flying back at incredible speed... Right into the Redhaired Pirates' ship and through its hull.
"NOOOOOOOO!" Helmeppo screamed. "COBYYYYYY!"
The dust slowly settled, silence falling over the battlefield as everyone looked up. There was nothing for a long moment... And then Coby pulled himself out of the hole in the side of the ship. Panting for breath, he grinned and held up the garter.
"I... GOT IT!" Coby shouted.
Silence, and then... Shanks began to clap his hand against his thigh. Others followed, as did cheers and whoops.
"COBYYYYY!" Helmeppo sobbed, falling to his knees.
"Heh... Maybe I should kill that kid, make sure he doesn't make trouble for me in the future," Blackbeard said with a grin. He took a fist to the face. "BWAH?"
"STOP IGNORING ME YOU FLASHY BASTARD!" Buggy screamed.
"Oh my," Tashigi said with a smile. "That young man..." She turned back to resume striking Zoro. "Pirate Hunter! You will pay for... For..." She stared in disbelief at the backs of the Strawhat Pirates, who were even now running for their lives. "HEY! GET BACK HERE!" She leaped over the groaning form of Jesus Burgess and ran after them.
"So Nojiko, my darling," Sanji said to his lovely companion,"would you set fire to my soul and accompany us on our heroic journey?" He winked at Nojiko, who smiled and laughed.
"I'd love to... But who would tend my tangerines? Or take care of Genzo?" She shook her head sadly. "I'm sorry, but I have to decline. Take care of everyone though, won't you Sanji-kun~?" She leaned over to kiss his cheek, and Sanji's eyes exploded into hearts.
"Hee... Haaha... N-NO PROBLEM MY LOVE~!" Sanji cried, scooping her up in his arms and swinging her around.
"SANJI! STOP SCREWING AROUND! WE'RE TRYING TO ESCAPE!" Zoro snarled. Sanji growled.
"Asexual bastard! You lose your heart when Mihawk sliced you open?"
"DAMNIT SANJI GET MY SISTER OUT OF HERE SO WE CAN GO!" Nami bellowed.
"You heard the lady," Nojiko said impishly. Sanji grinned.
"As you wish, my lady! Sit on my leg, please."
"SANJI, WE DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THAT!" Franky shouted. Nojiko playfully straddled his leg, nearly making Sanji nosebleed with her wink and smile. But he nevertheless was able to spin up, and gently toss her over to the buffet table. "HEY, SMOKER! CATCH!"
"EEEEEE-OOF!" Nojiko landed in a pillow of smoke, and was set gently on the ground. She smiled and waved, even as Smoker sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose irritably. Ace patted him on the shoulder.
"That's not helping," Smoker growled.
"Sorry."
As the Strawhats resumed running, Tashigi broke through a group of pirates (and Marines, she was sorry to say) and sprinted across the grass to catch up.
Everybody else is occupied with the other pirates! Tashigi thought. It's up to me to stop them! Even if it is their wedding day, I can't let them escape without at least a good showing!
A tall form stepped in front of the retreating Strawhats, wearing a cloak. Tashigi skidded to a halt as she felt a strong Haki, and gasped as she looked up into the face of the grinning man.
"M-M-Monkey D. Dragon!" She cried.
"Eh?" Luffy skidded to a halt and looked back. "Dad?"
"What?" Nami gasped. "That's your dad?"
Dragon grinned down at Tashigi, and then looked over his shoulder. "Luffy... Consider this my wedding present," he said. "And take care."
"I... I..." Luffy grinned back at his father, and waved. "I will, Dad! I will!"
"Also, make me a grandpa soon," Dragon said. He grinned at Nami. "You look like you've got nice child bearing hips."
"I... It... Thanks?" Nami managed.
"Might be all the extra snacks she puts away," Chopper mused.
"SHUT UP!" Nami snarled.
"Less talking, more running! STRAWHATS, HOOOO!" Franky bellowed. Luffy laughed and waved goodbye with his right hand, while his left held onto Nami's. The redhead found herself crying as she ran.
Why did I have to marry into such a weird family? She asked, but she couldn't help a smile at Luffy's happy grin.
Garp yawned, stretched, and blinked.
"Hm... Nice nap..." He mumbled. His eyes then widened as he saw that the Redhaired Pirates' ship was gone. "Ah? How long was I out?"
He stood up and turned around. Numerous pirates were all in chains, including a screaming Buggy. The Blackbeards, however, were gone. He narrowed his eyes as Coby and Helmeppo approached.
"Sir, the Redhaired, Strawhats and Blackbeards have escaped, as did most of the Buggy pirates," Helmeppo reported.
"I see," Garp said. He didn't bother asking about Dragon-His son could escape quite easily. He sighed. "Casualties?"
"Fifty injured, no fatalities," Coby reported with a smile. He held up a garter. "And I caught the garter!"
"Good for you!" Garp boomed. "Now, what lucky young lady caught the bouquet?"
There was silence for a moment, before someone cleared their throat. The three men turned to see Tashigi, her dress wrecked, awkwardly holding the bouquet.
"Ummmm..."
"I see," Garp said. "Bwahahahaha! Looks like you get to put it back on her!"
"Ah? Me?" Coby gasped, red faced. Tashigi too blushed. She smiled a bit and took hold of the hem of her dress. She pulled it up over her long legs.
"Well... Um... By all means, Chief Petty Officer," she said with a smile. "Do your duty."
Coby smiled, nodded... And fainted due to a nosebleed. Garp sighed as he facepalmed.
"Still a lot of work to do with this one..."
The Thousand Sunnyhad managed to escape (with the added passenger of Ussop, who had begged from the shoreline for the chance to rejoin them and had been pulled along), and now sailed the seas bound for adventure elsewhere along the Grand Line. They'd escaped the Marines for now, but after Enies Lobby all of them were wanted pirates. And in the New World there would be dangers nobody could possibly predict, in the form of men, animals, monsters, weather, or some combination thereof they couldn't imagine.
And Nami was terrified over precisely none of that.
She sat on her bed, still in her wedding dress, twiddling her fingers. Luffy sat next to her, kicking his feet back and forth. They sat there in silence.
"... Is this really what people do on their honeymoon?" Luffy complained. "I'd much rather kiss you and do other stuff to you!"
"No! Well, yes, I... Um..." Nami rubbed her hands together. "I'm just... Trying to figure out how to go about it..." She looked up at him, and bit her lower lip.
"You have... Any ideas?"
"Well... I got some advice from Grandpa," Luffy said with a hum. Nami nodded.
"Oh?" Okay... Okay... Maybe if I let him... Take charge, and she flushed deeply at this idea, this will make it easier.
"Yeah!" Luffy said cheerfully. "I'll go get ready!" He ran into the head adjacent the cabin, and Nami sucked in a deep breath.
Okay... Okay... It's okay, you can do this,she thought. She kneeled down onto the deck and looked under her bed. It may have seemed a bit childish to hide things underneath the bed, but who was going to steal it? Nobody else on the crew had a reason to do so.
... And looking it over, she didn't see how anyone else could have a reason to steal it either. Still, given Luffy's mindset, it might make this easier. Despite how she acted, she'd never... With anyone before. She knew the mechanics, of course. She understood it, knew how to use sexuality as a weapon or a tool but this...! She felt like a little girl again, scared and frightened and alone...
She took a deep breath, and slipped off her wedding dress. She could do this...
Luffy finished the last touches to his face, and checked himself in the mirror. As instructed by his grandfather, he was shirtless. He puffed up his muscles a bit to make himself look bigger, and flexed. He nodded approvingly.
In all honesty, Luffy was feeling a bit nervous. He relied on his crew for so much, and he cared for them all so much... And Nami... He never wanted to make her cry. He never wanted to hurt her, but Sanji and his grandpa had said over and over again that it was easy for men to make women cry even if they didn't mean it!
"Oi!" He said to his reflection in the mirror, glowering at it. "You're not going to make Nami cry! Okay? Okay!" He nodded to himself. That would be the end of that! He just wouldn't do it!
... If he did though, he'd let her hit him repeatedly for it. That seemed to make her feel better, and he kind of liked it now...
"Nami! I'm coming out!" Luffy called.
"Just a moment!" Nami called back. Luffy waited impatiently, tapping his foot on the tiled floor. "Okay!"
"Right!" Luffy opened the hatch, and strode forward dramatically. He stopped short when he saw Nami.
She was wearing... A dress. A very tinydress, colored blue, that showed off her neck and the tops of her breasts. She wore blue stockings and held a plastic wand. Around her eyes was pink glitter, and on her back were wings. She also wore the most ridiculous pair of horns on her head that glowed neon pink.
"I... Am the Bondage Fairy!" She said in a low tone that usually made Luffy stiffen in many... Different ways. She giggled. "And I'm here to grant you any wish you want!"
Then she got a good look at him and not wanting his grandpa's instruction to go to waste, he cleared his throat, and flexed his muscles manfully... As his "manly mustache" bristled.
"Ar! Prepare yourself wench, for yer booty's about to be bruised!" He growled.
They stared at each other in total silence for several seconds... Before Nami's face twitched. Luffy's twitched back.
"Pfffthahahahahahahaha!" Nami laughed, holding a hand to the side of her face as she bent over. And that was it for Luffy.
"Shihahahahahahahaha! Shihahahahahahaha!" Luffy guffawed, falling over and rolling back and forth on the deck. Nami fell over, landing on top of him as she cried tears of mirth, and Luffy joined her as he hugged her tightly against him to keep her from hurting herself.
They finally stopped laughing, and panted as they stared at each other. Nami chuckled softly, and nuzzled Luffy.
"I... I feel a lot better," Nami admitted with a snicker. Luffy nodded and hugged her.
"I made you cry... Sorry," he said.
"It's fine," Nami admitted, kissing him gently. "Mm... These tears I don't mind."
Luffy grinned back at her. Nami smiled back, and resumed the kiss.
Outside...
Franky towered over Nico Robin, but despite his advantage in height, the fact that hands and arms had popped up all along the backs of his own mechanical arms and legs and had him locked up in something like a full-nelson did little to add to his intimidation factor.
He groused, "OI! Nico Robin: Let us in! We want to watch!"
Robin, whose hands were gracefully crossed across her chest smiled serenely at the cyborg and shook her head.
"For crying out- aren't you watchin' them right now?" Franky roared.
Robin replied with a simple, "Yes."
"DO YOU SEE HOW EASILY SHE ADMITS IT?" Franky cried out.
"Shut up. Just give them some privacy." Zorro muttered, leaning against a wall. He didn't have much of a choice as far as position went, since Nico Robin's arms had also sprouted form that wall and were holding him fast. Admittedly there seemed to be a couple of extra hands that weren't so much holding him as running the fingertips up and down his stomach and chest under his shirt. He decided she was probably trying to tickle him into submission. Those fingers running up his ass weren't going to have much luck either.
"We should stop them!" Sanji whined, his own body rendered into a knot of bruised flesh that was pinned by a multitude of hands to the floor.
"If we burst in right this very moment, we should even be able to catch Nami-swan naked!" He paused, "Um... before! He gets her naked!"
Robin's serene little smile grew, "Oh come, now. They're married. Anything they get up to... and believe me they are really getting up to some things right this minute-"
"I don't need to know that!" Sanji sobbed, tears flowing freely down his cheeks.
"I wanna hear more about this!" Franky called out.
"You guys really should just let them be." Ussop said reasonably, as shocked as anyone else that he was the voice of reason. Unlike his fellow crewmates, he only had two hands restraining him and the hands weren't so much holding him down as holding hands with him.
Chopper, the only one who wasn't being restrained by Nico Robin merely looked perplexed, "What exactly IS going on in their bedroom?"
Zorro, Sanji, Franky and Ussop traded uncomfortable glances and as one man looked away from Chopper, ignoring his question, faint blushes appearing on all their faces.
"I want to know!" Chopper pouted.
Suddenly, Robin gasped, both hands rising upo to cover her cheeks as they reddened. The motion inadvertently released everyone, but her sudden loss of composure was far too blatant for any of them to miss.
"What're they doing?" Franky asked eagerly.
"Nami-swan~!" Sanji sobbed, chewing on a handkerchief.
Zorro grunted and covered his eyes. "Just shut up, you crappy chef."
Nico Robin who was still colored seemed to swoon slightly, which definitely concerned the rest of the crew. The normally coolly composed Nico Robin looked so... so... stunned and fluttery. Sanji suddenly shot to his feet, catching hold of Nico Robin and he spoke to her, "Are you alright? Are your clothes too tight? I can help loos-" Which found him back to being a restraintball on the deck, held by a multitude of hands.
"What happened?" Chopper asked, looking up at Nico Robin with concern.
"Luffy..." Nico Robin murmured with a distinctly un-Nico Robin-like tenderness to her voice.
"I knew it! He's doing something terrible to Nami-swan!" Sanji cried from the deck, actually managing to free one of his legs from the clutching web work of arms.
Ussop winced at that then turned back to Nico Robin, "Enough building suspense already!"
"... He just told her he liked what they were doing more than food." Nico Robin continued, before giving an even more un-Nico Robin-like tiny squeal. Her declaration was met with stunned silence. After that, she seemed to realize that everyone was staring and did her best to get her composure back.
Sanji's eyes grew to the size of dinner plates. "My god."
Zorro rose to his feet, disbelief plainly written on his face, "Impossible...!"
Franky complained, "We still don't know what 'this' is!"
Chopper began running around flailing his tiny arms, "AHHHH! SOMEONE CALL HIM A DOCTOR!"
Nico Robin settled back into her expression of serene amusement, "But you are a doctor."
Chopper stopped. "That's right! I'll go check on them right now!" He was just about to rush off when he was picked up by Zorro by the scruff of his neck.
"They're fine. Leave them alone."
"But, but, but... that's not normal for Luffy! Something's wrong with him!" Chopper said in a panicked tone, but then slowed down and frowned slightly, "I just wish I knew what the problem was." He eyed the rest of his fellow crewmates. "Nobody seems to want to tell me what's going on."
Franky shrugged in mild annoyance, plopping down to sit cross-legged on the deck. "Nobody'll tell me either."
Ussop patted Chopper's head, "You're a little young to know."
"But...but... but... how can I treat Luffy... in fact, how can I be an effective doctor if everyone's keeping things from me?" Chopper said piteously, his eyes large and liquid, open pleading and the full force of his cuteness unleashed upon the unprepared Ussop.
The long-nosed young man flinched away from the assault and said hurriedly, with a nervous laugh, "Well! As Captain Usopp, I feel it is my duty to impart important knowledge to my crew! Knowledge that might save them in their time of need! And any good captain must know how to delegate!"
He glanced back at Chopper who was still dangling helplessly from Zorro's grasp by the scruff of his neck.
Ussop pointed sharply at Zorro, "So I elect you to tell him."
"LIKE HELL!" Zoro roared.
Chopper turned around from where Zoro held him and unleashed his pleading upon the green haired man. "Pleeeeeeeease."
Zoro ground his teeth and began to blush and sweat. Even as he did, Franky, who was on the floor listened attentively even as he smirked in amusement .
Nico Robin had one of her inscrutable expressions once more and seemed to be watching him quite intently. He coughed.
Like hell he'd mess this up or twist it like the perverted cook and cyborg!
He growled at his crewmates and faced the small, furry doctor and tried to explain...
"See when a... a... man. And a woman. Or a man and a man. Or two women. Or a man and a goat... just in this case it's a man and a woman, got it?"
The confused Chopper simply nodded.
"Man and woman... and see a man's got a sword. And women have a sheath and... uh... when they love each other... or their blood just gets really pumped up..."
"Like high blood pressure?" Chopper asked.
"Yeah. Sure. Let's call it that." Zoro grumbled, "Now shut up. You're making me lose my place."
"Sorry!"
"Yeah... so high blood pressure makes for a bigger sword. So there's... uh... kissing involved in there somewhere..." Nico Robin snickered behind her hand, causing Zoro to blush deeper. "... Anyway when they kissed enough and got their blood pressure high the man puts his sword into the woman's sheath. Except sometimes the sword's still too soft. Or the sheath's dry and then you gotta do this thing with your tongue and-"
Nico Robin's smirk just grew wider. Zorro sputtered and soldiered bravely on. "ANYWAY! The point is, you put it in and you gotta kinda jiggle it a bit to make sure it fits right, then you gotta stab repeatedly til... well... stabbing. To... um... relieve the high blood pressure."
Chopper stared for a long time in the dead silence of the deck. Ussop seemed... stunned. Likewise Franky and Sanji. Nico was openly smiling at him now and seemed to have a weird... speculative... look in her eye.
"You're talking about sex, aren't you?" Chopper said finally.
"You know what sex is?" Zoro shouted at chopper.
"Of course I know what sex is!" Chopper huffed indignantly, "I'm a doctor! I know all about human reproduction!"
Zoro palmed his face in frustration, "I didn't need to explain that to you then?"
Chopper rolled his eyes, "It's not like it was a big deal or anything. Like I said, I know all about sex. It was part of my medical training. Missionary, fellatio, cowboy, cunnilingus, reverse-cowboy, dee-pee, doggie, golden showers, Eifel Tower, spankings, the Dirty Sanchez, menage a troi, anal, vore, copro-" He paused then asked innocently, "Why is everyone looking at me like that?"
"Do... do you know what all of those terms mean?" Nico Robin asked slowly.
"Of course I do!" Chopper replied indignantly. "I'm a doctor!"
And suddenly, Kureha proclaiming herself a 'swinging single' back on then-Drum Island took on a horrifying new dimension.
Water 7, Marine Battleship Officer's Club
"So, that's reallyhow you got your wife to loosen up on your wedding night?" Nojiko asked, spellbound, as Garp regaled the Cocoyashi Islanders (and his subordinates) with stories in the ship's officer's lounge.
Garp nodded, and glugged down a great helping of his beer before answering. "Yep! Laughter between a couple in love is the greatest way to remove the tension! The wedding night is not one for insecurity or doubt, but to let your HOT BLOOD RISE!" Garp raised his mug with a grin. "And with any luck, they will be filled with it all night long!"
"Can we please go skin potatoes for evening meal, sir?" Coby begged.
"Or clean out the sewage pipes?" Helmeppo asked.
"Nope! I am proud of you, and so I will continue to share life experiences that might help you in the future!" Garp boomed. He looked over his subordinates. Coby was blushing and making eyes every so often at Lieutenant Tashigi, who was drinking with her captain and shooting glances back at the chief petty officer every so often.
Helmeppo, meanwhile, was trying to hide behind his mug due to Nojiko's appreciative glances. Garp sighed and looked over at Genzo in some despair.
"Some need more help than others," the vice admiral admitted.
"Heh! It is the fate of the old to lament the young, Vice-Admiral," Genzo said, clunking his tankard against Garp's mug.
"Hear hear!"
My longest chapter in a good long while! I hope you all enjoyed it, and leave plenty of reviews either praising it, or condemning it. Either way, let me know what you guys think!