One Piece: Strawhat Theater
"Our Mrs. Monkey"
Disclaimer: This is a non-profit fan-based work of prose. One Piece is the property of Toei Animation, Funimation, and Eiichiro Oda. Please support the official release.
Thriller Bark
An invisible presence had been watching Nami. She'd felt it in the air itself since they arrived, and it creeped her out to no end. She'd stuck close to Luffy, which her captain and husband had not complained about in the slightest. However, they'd gotten separated after that freaky boar zombie had attacked and now she had no idea where she was.
All she knew was that the presence was there, and she gripped her Clima-Tact tightly. She'd felt and seen that horrible zombie Oars emerge from his freezer, and she'd tried to stay hidden by moving through broken headstones for cover.
"Nami, my dear," a smooth, seductive voice flowed over the wind. Nami looked around, trying to locate the source of the voice as she kept herself quiet.
"You can't escape me, you know," the voice continued on. "I will find you..."
Nami gritted her teeth.
"And when I do..." She felt strong arms surround her, and felt herself be yanked against a broad chest. "Got you!"
"GAH! Let me-GO!" Nami cried, trying to get a hit in on her foe but failing due to the painful grip he had on her arms.
She struggled furiously.
"Oh, I don't think so!" The monster laughed. "I am your beloved groom, Absalom! And tonight we will be wed!"
"What?" Nami shouted. "IDIOT! You can't!"
"Of course I can!" The monster chuckled. "From the moment I saw you in the shower, I knew we were fated to be!"
"WHAT?" Nami screeched. "THAT WAS YOU?"
"What is there to stop me? Your friends are weak! And we are truly meant to be!" Absalom declared.
"I'm-Already-MARRIED-ASSHOLE!" Nami managed, stomping ineffectually on Absalom's foot. The man growled like a lion and grabbed Nami's wrist, holding her hand up. Nami was able to get a good look at him at last, and she gasped-He'd growled like a lion because his face was that of a lion's!
"What? Already married?" He gasped. "TO WHO?"
"Luffy of course!" Nami growled. "Now let-me-GO!"
"So... You're already a bride then," Absalom said, the frown on his face thoughtful. "Hmmm..."
"FLASH STAR!" Usopp bellowed, and a blinding light filled Nami's eyes. She heard Absalom roar in her ear as something hit him, and she was released. She rolled along the ground and got back up, blinking spots from her eyes as she managed to make out Chopper in Arm Point throwing punches furiously at Absalom. "Chopper! Usopp!"
"Don't worry!" Usopp cried. "I, the great Captain Usopp and his loyal assistant Tony Tony Chopper will defeat this perverted demon and send him back to hell!" He took aim with Kabuto and fired another round. "Chopper! Get out of the way before-!"
"RAWR!" Absalom swung his arm, and Chopper went flying from some kind of invisible force right through a boulder. Usopp gaped but thought quickly and pulled out an Impact dial. He held it in front of himself as a shield.
"Come on! Hit me!" Usopp taunted. "I'm right here, you can't possibly miss, come on, hit me! HIT ME! HIT-!"
Absalom vanished, and then reappeared over Usopp's head. The sniper gulped as the lion man's foot smashed down on his face.
"MeeeAAAAHHH!" He went flying off his perch and hit the ground head first.
"USOPP! CHOPPER!" Nami screamed. Absalom vanished, and Nami felt herself being lifted off the ground. She struggled furiously as Absalom reappeared, grinning.
"Well... Such a shame. The words 'til death do us part' do not apply on Thriller Bark," he said with a grin. "And your husband just lost his shadow, so I'm quite afraid you're going to be single soon."
"You bastard!" Nami snarled, kicking him fruitlessly. Absalom laughed.
"Don't worry my dear. You'll change your mind soon enough..." And with that, Absalom vanished along with his "new bride".
"... And that's what happened," Usopp finished explaining to the remaining crew. Sanji's fists clenched and his eyes burned in fiery rage.
"WHAT? That invisible SON OF A BITCH KIDNAPPED NAMI? TO MAKE HER HIS BRIDE? AFTER OGLING HER NAKED IN THE SHOWER? THAT IS UNFORGIVABLE!" His aura exploded in flames. "I WILL MAKE HIM PAY! RAWRRR!"
"I think he's going to transform at this rate," Zoro commented wryly. He looked over at Luffy. "Don't you start transforming too..." He blinked. "Luffy?"
The captain's face was shadowed by his hat. Slowly, Luffy turned and walked up to Sanji as he continued his ranting.
"UNFORGIVABLE! I WILL FRY HIM AND SERVE HIM TO DOGS! I'LL SLICE HIM INTO SANDWICH MEAT! I'LL-!" He abruptly stopped when he felt Luffy's hand on his shoulder. The fireworks vanished. Sanji looked at Luffy's face.
"Luffy?" He asked in disbelief. The captain's face rose, and Sanji could see his eyes had narrowed into pinpricks. His jaw was set. His face was a tense mask of rage that very nearly made Sanji want to wet himself.
"Sanji," Luffy said, "everyone," he said, addressing his crew in a tight voice. "You are all my nakama. I would fight and die to save any one of you."
"Uh... Uh huh..." Sanji said. Much nodding of heads commenced. Luffy sucked in a deep breath.
"But right now... I am going to go save my wife," Luffy said flatly, the very air radiating from his fury. "And kick this bastard's ass. It might take a while, so I need you all to hang in there until I can get to you. All right?"
Zoro slowly nodded. "No problem Captain," Zoro said.
"We can handle it!" Chopper declared.
"Yosh! We'll handle it just fine, Strawhat! Ow!" Franky confirmed, saluting.
"Of course Captain," Robin said with an understanding smile.
"We've got it, Luffy," Usopp said, giving Luffy a grin and a thumbs up.
"Sanji?" Luffy asked, turning back to him. The cook... Was crying.
"Luffy... Today you become a man!" Sanji sobbed. He hugged the captain. "So... Proud... Of you!" He sniffed and held a fist up high. "I'll fight like a monster knowing that you are going to stop at nothing to save Nami-swan!"
"Sanji! Thanks!" Luffy said sincerely, smiling and hugging his cook back.
"This from the guy most pissed off that he didn't get the devil fruit that would let him see Nami naked in the shower first," Usopp muttered.
Luffy stiffened, as did Sanji. Usopp gulped.
"... I said that really loudly didn't I?" He asked.
"SANJI..." Luffy snarled as his skin began to turn red and the sweat started steaming. Sanji gulped.
"Right! EVERYONE MOVE OUT!" Sanji bellowed, turning and running into Thriller Back. "NO TIME TO WASTE!"
"Man, he's running even faster than me," Usopp said.
"Never thought I'd see the day," Zoro said with a smirk.
"HEY!"
This is it, Absalom thought as his lips drew towards the unconscious Nami's. My bride is mine!
And then the entire island rocked, sending everyone flying off their feet.
Absalom growled furiously at his subordinates as he got up off the floor. "That damned Oars...! I bet he pulled the chain!"
He turned to the Zombie generals. "Go and stop him! I won't let him disrupt my ceremony any longer!"
The Zombie Generals complied, running off and leaving only two zombie subordinates behind. Absalom grumbled to the unconscious Nami.
"Can't believe this... I'm terribly sorry my dear, your ultimate ecstasy will have to wait a bit," he said.
Absalom's ears twitched. He heard the sound of sandaled feet padding through the hallway outside the room. He looked up and saw Monkey D. Luffy walk past the room... And then walked right back, looking into it.
"Ah...! So Strawhat, you found me!" Absalom chuckled. Luffy walked through the door slowly, fists clenched, eyes narrowed. "I must commend your determination, but it is pointless! Without your shadows, you will all perish when the sun rises! Your best bet is to become a zombie!" He grinned evilly as Luffy continued to approach him. "Maybe I'll let you see your-I mean my wife from time to time!"
Luffy stopped right in front of Absalom. He cracked his knuckles, and then his neck. "You're Absalom, right?" Luffy asked.
Absalom glared. "Of course I'm Absalom! Who else would I be, you idiot?"
Luffy nodded, and stooped down. He pressed his fist into the stone floor. "Gear Second."
"Gear wha-?"
And Absalom was flying through a wall... Then another... And another thanks to the punch that had hit him at supersonic speeds.
He groaned as he came to a stop, slumping against the last wall of the castle and falling down to the floor afterwards. He got up, snarling.
"That... Little...!" He turned invisible and rushed back through the holes made by his transit. He made it back to the room he'd been holding the ceremony in, and saw the Strawhat-wearing punk was carrying his bride out the door.
"LET HER GO!" Absalom bellowed, firing off a Suke blast that knocked Strawhat off his feet. He yelped and held Nami tightly against him as he rolled, protecting her from the force of the strike. Absalom smirked.
"You might as well give up now, Strawhat!" Absalom gloated. "You can't hit what you can't see!" He further taunted.
Strawhat gently set Nami down on the floor. He then turned to face the room at large.
"You're in the room, right?" Luffy asked.
Absalom gaped. What kind of moron is this? "OF COURSE I'M IN THE ROOM, IDIOT! You can't see me! But I'm clearly here!"
Luffy nodded. He bit his thumb. "Gear Third."
"Third wha-?"
And then Absalom and what seemed like the rest of the castle was sent flying.
Nami woke up, feeling dazed and confused. "Ugh... Uh...?" She felt a cool breeze on her face, and whipping at her long dress.
Wait, what?
"What am I...?" Nami gasped as she looked down at the wedding dress she wore. She looked around and saw Luffy holding her, a smile on his face.
"Hey Nami! You okay? You look kind of funny, like this," he made a face. Nami smacked him, then hugged him.
"Where's Absalom?" Nami asked. "And... For that matter, why is there a hole in..." She looked out at the devastation around them. "... Everything?"
"Oh! Well, first I hit Absalom with Gear Second," Luffy said, "but then he turned invisible and I couldn't see him. But I knew he was in the room so I used Gear Third to hit it."
"Hit what?"
"The room."
Nami stared at him. "You hit the entire room."
Luffy nodded and grinned. "Yep!"
Nami sighed and hugged her husband. "Good work," she said.
"Thanks! Now we should go and help the others since that gigantic zombie woke up and has our shadows," Luffy said.
"Right," Nami said with a nod. She looked over Luffy's shoulder, and gripped her Climatact. "But first... THUNDER TEMPO!"
"GWAAAAHHHHHH!" Absalom cried, blasted from his invisible hiding place and sent flying out the hole. Luffy gasped.
"Woah! How'd you know he was there?"
"Well, I could sense the disruptions in the air he was making due to the change in air pressure thanks to this wind, which resembled barometric disruption in the..." At her husband's blank look, she sighed.
"I felt his creepy leer," Nami said with a shudder. Luffy's eyes shined.
"That... Is so... Cool!"
"It is, isn't it?" Nami asked with a grin of her own.
I've gotten requests to do an Oars bit. I'll probably do it when inspiration strikes. So far though, it hasn't. Sorry.