One Piece: Strawhat Theater

"Our Mrs. Monkey"

Disclaimer: This is a non-profit fan-based work of prose. One Piece is the property of Toei Animation, Funimation, and Eiichiro Oda. Please support the official release.

"Luffy... Luffyyyy... Ohhhh GOD!" Nami trembled in bliss and laid limply in her bed as her husband grinned over her.

"How was that?" The rubber man asked with a grin. Nami sighed, planting soft kissing along his neck.

"Good... Good..." She punched him, sending him flying into the bulkhead. She growled down at him.

"Except you forgot to pull out, idiot!"

"Aw come on Nami," Luffy said with a whine. Nami huffed, undaunted even when Luffy moved up and wrapped his arms around her waist. He rested his chin on her shoulder and grinned. "What's the big deal? We do it like that all the time!"

"Except I'm out of birth control," Nami said flatly.

"For how long?"

"For a full week now!" Nami growled. "Remember?"

"Hmmm..." Luffy hummed. "When you're naked it's hard to remember things like that." Nami covered up with her blanket, and Luffy pouted. "Awww...!"

"This is serious Luffy! I could very easily get pregnant in the next day or so," Nami said. Luffy frowned.

"That would be a bad thing?"

"Yes Luffy! We're all wanted criminals now! Is this really the kind of life we want for a child?" Nami asked, equal parts fearful and angry. Luffy hummed.

"Well... What kind of life could we give them?" He asked.

Nami frowned. "Well... I... We could... Settle down somewhere, somewhere quiet, after you're Pirate King," she said. Luffy blinked.

"... Quiet? Settle down?" He asked. "But then what? That'd be boring!"

"So you want to bring our kids along on our journey?" Nami asked in disbelief. Luffy hummed.

"Well, yeah. Why not?" He asked with a grin.

"It's dangerous!" Nami insisted.

"Yeah, but it's also incredible and awesome and amazing!" Luffy argued. "And wouldn't it be waaaaay better than our childhoods?"

Nami opened her mouth, took a deep breath... And sighed.

"... That still doesn't mean it's a good idea," she grumbled. "We should really talk about this before we decide anything!"

Luffy pouted. "Aww... All right," he sighed. "We'll wait to talk about it..." He smiled at her. "But I... I really want to be a dad! I think it'd be awesome to have a new nakama!"

Nami flushed at his enthusiasm. "I... Well... I'm not against the idea myself... I'm just not sure we could pull it off as pirates."

Luffy laughed and hugged her.

"Relax Nami! We don't have to decide now, right? It's one more day until port, so you can take your medicine and it'll be okay!"

"I guess you're right," Nami sighed. "It's not going to be that big a deal-Eep!"

Luffy grinned and pushed her onto her back.

"Ah! L-Luffy, hang on a second! That doesn't mean we can just-jusssst...! Ahh, oh God, Luffyyyy~!"

"Mmm... By the way, where are we headed? Haa..."

"Ohhh... God, I've told you a dozen-Eep!-Times! S-Saobody, ahn, A-Archipelago...!"

"Haaa... Awesome~!"

Robin, just outside the door, turned another page in her book and chuckled softly.

Caimi, the mermaid passenger they'd picked up, blinked. "Are they always that loud?"

"Oh my no," Robin chuckled. "Sometimes they're worse."

Weatheria - Several weeks later

Nami felt her bile rise, and she covered her mouth as she ran for the bathroom. Haredas, her mentor since she'd arrived on Weatheria, clicked his tongue as he heard the sounds of Nami throwing up again.

"I've tried many different foods, but you just keep getting sick!" The old weather wizard huffed. "Over and over again! So picky, you Blue Sea dwellers, so picky!" He looked over at the bathroom, as Nami slowly, miserably walked back in. "Oi oi oi! You all right?"

"Nngh... Do I look all right?" Nami snapped, slumping in her chair and pressing her head to the table. "Ohhh..." She rubbed her stomach. Haredas hummed.

"Hmmm... Perhaps... Are you... Sick over your friends and your husband?" The old wizard suggested, his eyes drifting to the newspaper detailing Ace's death that Nami hadn't let out of her sight. Nami sighed and sat up, rubbing her cheeks.

"Maybe..."

"I also notice you have not had a menstrual cycle since you came here," Haredas said. Nami whacked him over the head with her Climatact.

"WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU PAY ATTENTION TO THAT?" Nami shrieked.

"Urgggh! S-Science only, science!" Haredas groaned. Nami sat back and sighed, rubbing her temples... She stopped and looked up at him.

"Haredas... We need to make a stop over a city..."

Haredas tapped his foot and waited outside the bathroom door. Really, it was his house! And he had to use the bathroom now!

"Are you done yet?" He called.

"I... Almost..."

"You bought many tests," Haredas observed. "Do you really need that many?"

"You're a scientist, right?" Nami demanded. "Don't you need to have repeatable results?"

"Ah," the old wizard said with a nod, "Touche'."

He heard her gasp, and something fall. He frowned and knocked on the door.

"Nami? Nami, what's wrong? Are you all right?"

The tests all said what she'd suspected... What she'd dreaded...

She held a hand over her stomach as she slid to the floor, tears in her eyes and a smile on her face.

And also what she'd secretly hoped for.

"Stupid idiot," she muttered, looking at the newspaper photo of Luffy with a sniffle. She ran her fingers over the image. "I... Here I was worried I'd never see you again, and hoping I'd have something... Some part of you for myself..." She sobbed and wrapped her arms around her knees. "How stupid...! Stupid stupid stupid...!"

Well, that was one more curveball thrown into their lives... Just like her husband was, really.

She sighed again, and looked up at the ceiling.

"... I guess it'll be just one more surprise for you when we meet again," she said softly.

Well, you might say that this is one rubber who fails to protect against pregnancy even if he doesn't break. AHAHAHA-Ow! Okay, I deserved that.