One Piece: Strawhat Theater

"Our Mrs. Monkey"

Disclaimer: This is a non-profit fan-based work of prose. One Piece is the property of Toei Animation, Funimation, and Eiichiro Oda. Please support the official release.

And now, a bit of silliness... You might call it filler. This is during the time skip.

Kuraigana Island

"Please, train me!" Zoro begged, pressing his forehead to the cold stone floor below.

Dracule Mihawk contemplated Zoro's request. He then laughed out loud. "You ask me, your enemy, for training? Are you that weak? Someone who could not beat the Humandrills?"

Zoro looked up. "I beat allof the Humandrills!" Zoro said earnestly. Mihawk raised his eyebrows. He looked to the side.

"I see... You fight for someone else, then Zoro?" Mihawk asked. Zoro grimaced. Perona looked on in interest. Mihawk nodded.

"Very well... I will train you," Mihawk said. "On one condition."

"Name it," Zoro said.

"I will not have you two living under my house in sin," Mihawk said gravely. "Therefore, you will have to get married for me to train you."

"WHAT?" Perona shrieked. Zoro considered his options, grimaced...

"... Fine!"

"DON'T AGREE SO QUICKLY, BASTARD!" Perona screamed. "LIKE HELL I'M MARRYING HIM!"

"Then you may go," Mihawk said, sipping his wine. "You must leave."

"Wh-What?" Perona gasped. "But... I can't leave! I don't have any way of getting anywhere!"

"Not my problem," said Mihawk.

"You were fine with us living in sin beforethat idiot asked for training!" Perona cried.

"Because you will need to help him and you will need to be close to him to do that," Mihawk said. "I am staving off the sin before it occurs."

"But you're here to chaperone!"

"Not all the time."

"Fine, I'll move out!"

"I couldn't do that to you Perona. You're welcome to stay here... just not living in sin with Zoro."

"We're not living in sin!"

"But it may happen," Mihawk said, "and you will need to tend him, mend his clothing, and feed him."

"WHAT THE HELL MAKES YOU THINK I'LL DO ANY OF THAT EITHER?" Perona demanded. Mihawk pointed to Zoro, who had fallen unconscious. Perona growled.

"Tend his wounds please, then we can get this done."

"Graaahhh...!"

The ceremony was brief, and intensely awkward. Especially the last part.

"You may kiss the bride."

The two glared at eachother, fidgeting. Zoro slowly, inch by inch, leaned in. Perona, blushing furiously, inched her way closer to him with her chin held up defiantly. Mihawk sighed, and slammed their heads (and lips) together.

"Mmph?" They both cried. Mihawk released them.

"Enjoy your wedding night," he said, "the training begins tomorrow." He turned and left as Perona coughed and choked.

"Gwah! I can't believe he did that! Bweh, I can still tasteyou! Eww!" Perona moaned.

"Huh..." Zoro said aloud, thoughtfully. "Not bad."

"WHAT?" Perona screeched. "NOT BAD?"

"Never done it before, never knew what the fuss was about. Not bad," Zoro repeated. Perona growled, bright red.

"WELL I DIDN'T LIKE IT AT ALL!"

"Whatever," Zoro said. "I'm going to bed."

"NEGATIVE HOLLOW!"

"I am the lowest scum-DAMNIT I DIDN'T MEAN YOU TOO!"

"So you're rejecting me? I knew you'd make a terrible servant but I didn't know you'd make an even lousier husband!"

"WELL YOU'RE A HORRIBLE WIFE!"

"ASSHOLE!"

"HARPY!"

Mihawk allowed himself to smile as he listened to the fighting going on. His priesthood aside, he was terribly bored and this whim of his was already proving entertaining.

Besides, they would either screw each other or kill each other eventually. This at least made it appropriate for them to do one of these things...

Mihawk trolls like no other troll before...