One Piece: Strawhat Theater

"Our Mrs. Monkey"

Disclaimer: This is a non-profit fan-based work of prose. One Piece is the property of Toei Animation, Funimation, and Eiichiro Oda. Please support the official release.

A flashback to Luffy's training on Rusukaina... And Hancock's attempt at seduction of a married man.

Rusukaina

Near Amazon Lily

Luffy chowed down on meat from the latest animal he'd been able to take down. He was covered in bandages still, his injuries from Impel Down and Marineford still healing up. He didn't hurt as badly anymore... Physically, at least.

He looked from the burning campfire up at the nightsky. He kept eating, even as he looked upon the infinite wonder of the heavens.

"Wow," he mumbled, in between bites.

He perked up, and looked to his right towards the shoreline. He beamed.

"Oh! Hey Hancock!" Luffy chirped.

The Amazon Empress was in a warm, fur-lined coat. She beamed back at him, her cheeks bright red.

"Oh! Hello Luffy! Your uh, your Observation Haki is getting better!"

"Kind of," Luffy agreed, "Though I smelled you first."

"Ah?! Am I-Do you not like how I smell?" Hancock fretted, nearly dropping the picnic basket she was carrying. Luffy giggled.

"Nah! But you smell like oranges! And I like those!"

"O-Oh... That's very good," Hancock smiled, her face getting redder, "I-I hoped you would, given your..."

Her face darkened terribly for a moment in the campfire light.

"Wife," she spat out before she again became pleasant.

"I brought you some food... Ah... I cooked it myself, and-and I wanted to know if you would like to try it?"

Luffy grinned.

"Sure! But uh, aren't you afraid of Rayleigh getting upset? He doesn't want you on the island while I'm training."

"Oh, you're taking a break now, I'm sure he won't mind," Hancock tittered. "Besides... I distracted him."

Some distance away...

Rayleigh gulped as he felt the very powerful Haki coming off his romantic partner, Shakuyaku. The former Amazon Empress was approaching him, a dangerous item held out before her in her hand.

"Rayleigh," she said, as sweet as poisoned honey, "Do you notice anything about this... Headline?"

"Um..." Rayleigh coughed, "Yes. It says that marriages among pirates are up significantly."

"Yes it does," Shakuyaku stated, "It's not just Big Mom throwing the statistics off anymore."

"Ah... Well... I'm sure that's very interesting but-"

"And," Shakuyaku stated, "You once said that we could never make it official due to fear of backlash from the World Government."

"I did say that, yes-"

"And yet," she went for the kill, "Luffy is happily and publicly married. He was that even before he punched out a Celestial Dragon."

"Our circumstances are not the same," Rayleigh stated quickly, hoping to head off his beloved girlfriend with logic. Oh, what a foolish hope that was.

"Oh yes, how forgetful I am! The World Government doesn't want you at all," Shakuyaku said dryly.

"He is... Uh... I mean his bounty is nowhere near as big as mine-"

"Numerous members of Kaido's crew have been getting married. I don't see any small bounties there, do you?"

Somewhere in the afterlife, Rayleigh was sure his old captain was laughing his ass off right now.

"No but-!"

"Then isn't it possible we could rethink our relationship?"

Rayleigh Silvers was many things. A great pirate, a great man, a great mentor, and a terror of the World Government.

"Ahhhh..."

All of which let him know he was screwed.

Hancock sat on the log with Luffy. She waited anxiously as Luffy devoured the meat pies and cakes she had cooked for him. It didn't take him very long, but it still felt like an eternity to Hancock.

"S-So... How was it?" Hancock asked. Luffy beamed and gave her a thumbs up.

"It was great! Thanks, Hancock!"

"Oh, that's wonderful!" Hancock cried, covering her cheeks to try to hide her blush. Luffy nodded.

"I mean, it's not as good as Sanji's, but that's okay! You're an empress, he's a pro cook! And a very good one! The best! I'll have him make food for you when we meet again!"

"Oh... I... Thank you, Luffy," Hancock said, drooping a bit. He did have a professional chef on his crew, and she had been studying for only a few weeks. It was understandable, she supposed.

"But thanks again!" Luffy cheered. He looked back up at the stars. Hancock looked up with him. She flushed bright red, down to her covered up breasts.

This was just like in those romance novels she had been enjoying-er, researching! Thankfully there seemed to be a lot of material based on her beloved! So many romantic novels!

True, most of them starred that orange-haired harlot! And the Luffy depicted in them was a pale shadow of the wonderful man now sitting next to her, but still...!

"What... What are you thinking about, Luffy dear?" She managed. "How beautiful the stars are? I-I mean, if you like stars. You're a pirate so you must know all about them! N-Not that I don't either!"

Luffy laughed.

"Shishishi! I don't really know much, but... Nami taught me some."

Her again! Hancock seethed, but her anger subsided as Luffy wrapped an arm around her shoulders. He pointed upwards.

"She said the stars are different depending on where you are in the world. Sailors drew pictures out of the stars to guide them, or something like that. That's... I think that's an eagle?"

"Aquila," Hancock confirmed. Luffy brightened.

"Oh! You know them too?"

"Yes, all Amazons have to qualify on navigating by the stars before they are allowed onto a ship," Hancock explained. Luffy beamed.

"That's really cool! Nami taught me enough to get to North or South. Like there's a bear up north with a star for a butthole, and a Southern Cross, and you just follow those when you see them!"

Hancock blushed. He was being so crude... But that was wonderful! She liked him being crude! With her!

"Ah, yes," Hancock said with a nod. Luffy then drooped a bit, his smile vanishing.

"Yeah... She showed me a lot of them. Wish I could remember more," he sighed. "I liked sitting up with her, looking at the stars. She was very warm and cuddly."

"I... I could be warm and cuddly," Hancock offered.

Luffy just stared at her, silent and unreadable. Hancock flushed more deeply.

Did I just say that...? I did! Oh my! Is this the part where he tears off my clothes and wraps me up in his arms and bites my neck and tells me I can't escape without carrying his child and-?!

Luffy just laughed, and patted her on the back.

"Shishishi! No thanks!"

"Ah... I-I mean," Hancock tried, "If your wife would be angry with you-"

"She'd be angry, yeah. She'd also cry," Luffy said softly, looking back up at the stars. Hancock stared, silent.

"And... And you don't want to make her cry," Hancock said quietly.

"No. I swore not to," Luffy said, "I promised I would never do that..."

He bowed his head.

"But I did."

Hancock blinked. A predatory part of her suggested she push on that, hard... But the sadness in his eyes stopped that line of thought in its tracks.

"How did you?" Hancock asked.

Luffy shrugged.

"She was crying when Kuma sent her away," Luffy said. He was looking down at his hands, as though he could bore holes into them with will alone. "I didn't get her in time. I couldn't... Save her, you know? I couldn't save any of my crew, but her... I... I made her cry."

"That wasn't your fault," Hancock insisted. Luffy closed his eyes. He didn't look grief-stricken or sorrowful-Like he had when he went on a rampage right after he woke up. Hancock could still remember it vividly, and her own heart had broken with Luffy's. To go through such a loss...

"I know... I know it's not my fault Ace died, either," he said, somehow making the connection at the same time she did, "But I can't... I can't stop feeling like that sometimes, even after talking it out with Jinbe and Rayleigh."

"It's only been a few weeks, Luffy dear," Hancock said gently, stoking his back in hopes of soothing him, "There are wounds on... On our souls. They do not heal as easily as those of our bodies. You can't expect to recover immediately. It will take time. And you should accept that."

"Yeah," Luffy nodded. Not resentful or bitter, but accepting. Her heart fluttered at how manly he looked as he stared off into the distance.

Luffy then looked at her, his eyes wide.

"Oh! Is... Is that why Nami still has nightmares about Arlong? I wondered about that..."

Hancock blinked.

"Arlong?"

Luffy quickly explained the backstory of his wife. As he excitedly described the battle, she could picture it all in her mind.

A lone woman with orange hair, wearing her beloved's straw hat, watching him battle for her sake. Never turning away, not for an instant. Like a wife watching her husband in a duel.

"... Her uncle, Pinwheel Uncle, told me at the grave of her mother to never, ever make Nami cry," Luffy finished, "And then I went into town to join the party, get more meat, and I ran into Nami! I said 'Hey Nami!' and she said 'Marry me!' and I said 'Okay!'"

"I... I see," Hancock allowed, nodding her head. She really did.

If she had been in Nami's position, the slave to some kind of monster... And Luffy had saved her?

Of course, she would marry him. What woman wouldn't? And what a girl she must have been, for her dear Luffy to pursue her, to trust her-

Hancock rapidly shook her head.

No! No! You must not empathize with the enemy! She upbraided herself. She's your rival! You want Luffy for yourself, damnit!

"Luffy," Hancock said softly, "If you... If you hadn't married her... Do you think you might have found love somewhere else? With someone else?"

Luffy hummed, thoughtfully chewing on some meat.

"I guess so," he said, "I do love Nami. I love the things we do. I love how she makes me feel. I love everything about her. I guess... I could feel that way with someone else?"

He then grinned.

"But Nami's the only who makes me feel that way."

Hancock sighed softly.

"Yes... She does... For now," she said quietly, as Luffy went back to eating and gazing up at the stars.

She would not give up. She would get Luffy to look like that about her. At her.

Someday.

"Ahem."

Both Luffy and Hancock looked back at Rayleigh. The old man was smiling tensely, his eyebrow twitching. His face was covered in scratches, bite marks, and lipstick kisses.

"Hancock," Rayleigh stated, "I find it interesting that Shakyaku has been here for the last three weeks, cut off from the outside world, and all of a sudden..."

He held up the newspaper about pirate marriage rates.

Dated from yesterday.

"She gets this. Would you happen to know anything about it?"

Boa Hancock, Empress of Amazon Lily, A Warlord of the Sea, and one of the most powerful women in the world... squeaked.

Omake: Foosha Village, Partys Bar

Garp and Sengoku had taken their usual seats at the Bar. While Dadan and her bandits still showed all the anger and hostility as could be expected from them (and Garp could hardly blame them), Makino's word ensured that they would come to the bar only when Garp wasn't.

This kept the peace, and Garp was grateful for it. At this hour in the morning, there were only a few local villagers and Marines at the bar. Makino went about with her usual energy, serving food, taking orders, and pausing every now and then to check on her little boy.

She'd left him in the care of Garp and Sengoku. Garp was holding the little infant while he drank, and Sengoku continued to eat his rice crackers.

"He's such a little cutie, yes you are, yes you are!" Garp cooed over the baby. He laughed, and again tried to grab Garp's nose. "Oh! Not quite, little one, not quite!"

"You're such a natural grandfather, it's almost sickening," Sengoku commented. Garp huffed.

"Just because you decided to be a bachelor is no reason to rain on my parade!" He tickled the little boy under his chin, and grinned at his giggle. "Ah... It's rewarding in ways you can't imagine!"

"Hmph," Sengoku muttered.

A young ensign ran through the door, panting hard. He spotted Garp and Sengoku, and rushed up to them. He threw his hand up in a salute.

"Sirs! Sirs! There's a ship docking at the port!"

"... And?" Garp prompted with a scowl. "It's a port. That's not unusual-!"

He hitched his breath as he felt Haki. Horribly familiar Haki.

"No... How did he... Why would he...?!"

The door opened again. All conversation stopped, and all eyes locked onto the man standing in the doorway like the Devil himself had clawed his way from hell. Then, they began dropping unconscious, slumping to the floor. Only Garp and Sengoku were left standing, the poor ensign falling on his face.

Makino dropped her tray with a gasp. Not at the haki, but at the man projecting it.

"... Shanks?" She whispered.

"You've got some damn nerve coming here, when I built a Marine base!" Garp began, but he fell silent at the look on Shanks' face. For the red haired Emperor, nothing existed save for Makino.

"Makino," he said softly. He glanced at Garp... At the child in Garp's arms. "Tell me... Is he mine?"

Makino's beautiful eyes burst into tears. She held up a hand to her mouth... And nodded.

Garp's mouth went dry. Sengoku chewed his rice crackers loudly.

Shanks walked up to her, and with incredible delicacy, wrapped his only arm around her. He looked deeply into her eyes.

"Why didn't you tell me?" He asked softly. Makino sobbed.

"You... You're an Emperor... I-I'm just a simple bartender!" She shook her head. "You... You deserve so much better than me-!"

"I was found as an infant in a treasure chest, abandoned to die," Shanks said softly, "I don't care about your birth or your job... I care about-I love you."

Makino sniffled, and buried her head in his chest.

"It's not safe," she murmured.

"No. It isn't," Shanks said.

"You want me to come with you."

"I do."

"For how long?"

Shanks tipped her chin up, to look into her eyes.

"For as long as we both shall live."

He knelt, holding her hands in his one.

"Makino... Will you marry me?"

Makino gasped in shock.

"I... I'm no Empress-!"

"You'll learn."

"I'll make mistakes-!"

"Just like everyone," Shanks smiled, "And you'll be able to tell me when I've made some."

Makino sobbed happy tears, and knelt down to hug him.

"Of course I will!"

Shanks grinned, hugging her tightly.

"Thank you... For making me the happiest man in the world. Beckman?"

Shanks' first mate entered, eyeing Garp warily.

"Sir?"

"Help my new wife pack up," Shanks ordered. Beckman grinned.

"She said yes, huh?"

"Of course she said yes! I wasn't worried!" Shanks laughed. Makino elbowed him.

"Sure you weren't," Makino snickered through her tears. Shanks grinned and kissed her again.

"Mm..." He turned to Garp, looking solemn.

"Vice Admiral Garp... Thank you for looking after my son and wife. I really appreciate it."

Garp scowled.

"What makes you think I'll let you take him with you?!"

"Because you're a good man," Shanks stated. "I've always known that. Just like my father did."

Garp growled... Bowed his head... Sighed. He gently held out the baby, and Shanks took him into his arm.

"Raise him right," Garp stated.

Shanks looked down upon his son... And started crying. Makino held him.

"Shanks...?"

"He's... He's so beautiful," he sniffled. He kissed the top of the baby's head. The baby boy laughed, reaching up for him in delight. Shanks chuckled, as the child pulled on some of his hair.

"Captain," Beckman said urgently. Shanks nodded. He handed the tiny baby to Makino, who took him in her arms.

"You had better go say your goodbyes," Shanks said softly. "I'm sorry we don't have more time-"

"It's all right," Makino said, kissing him. She beamed at Garp.

"I would appreciate it if you and Dadan could find someone to run the bar for me, Garp."

"I... I will," Garp promised. Makino headed out, leaving the Emperor and the Vice Admiral (and retired Admiral) facing each other.

"So... How good do we want to make this look?" Shanks asked.

Garp slammed his fists together, as his Haki flared like a nova. Shanks grinned, drawing his sword and flaring his own incredible Haki.

"Works for me!"

Garp panted. Shanks, thankfully, had moved the battle away from the village. That had let Garp cut loose.

It had been a long time, he had to admit. And the brat wasn't an Emperor for nothing. He'd barely been holding back, as the devastated forest around them attested.

Ultimately, Shanks had taken Garp's Galaxy Impact right on his sword... And used the impact plus Moonwalk to launch himself out to sea. Garp tracked his trajectory, and scowled as the Red Haired Emperor landed right on his fleeing ship.

"Damn show off," Garp sighed. He stomped back to Foosha Village.

Aside from Marines running around, herding civilians about and checking for injured, things were calm. Shanks and his crew hadn't caused any fatalities, and only some minor damage to Makino's bar: Namely, the large hole left in the side. Garp stomped in, poured himself a drink, and sulked at his table. He took a deep drink... Then spat it out in shock.

"You haven't moved from that spot since this began?!" He bellowed at Sengoku, who was still eating rice crackers and sipping beer.

"What? And miss the soap opera?"