One Piece: Strawhat Theater

"Our Mrs. Monkey"

Disclaimer: This is a non-profit fan-based work of prose. One Piece is the property of Toei Animation, Funimation, and Eiichiro Oda. Please support the official release.

Main story is on hiatus (again) due to my muse being on RWBY. It won't be for another ten years though, promise. Just taking a break. In the meantime, please enjoy this brief fun section.

Flashback to Water 7

The crew had abandoned the Going Merry. Usopp had left, after Luffy had defeated him in a duel for captainship. Luffy had walked back to the ship, helped with offloading everything of value, and accompanied the crew to a local inn for the night.

He hadn't complained, hadn't gotten distracted, hadn't said anything stupid all night...

That scared Nami more than anything else in the world.

"Miss? The rooms?"

Nami turned back to the innkeeper, who was waiting impatiently. Nami cleared her throat.

"R-Right... Two rooms please," she said.

"One for you and the other for your men?" The innkeeper asked.

Nami glanced back at her crew. Chopper was still sniffling, but trying very hard not to. Zoro was grim, as was Sanji. Luffy still wore that frighteningly blank expression that he'd applied after fighting Usopp.

She turned back to the innkeeper, focusing on keeping her voice even.

"My husband and I will take one," she said firmly.

She felt Luffy's eyes on her as she said this. Sanji sucked in a harsh breath, but didn't say anything. The innkeeper handed over the keys, rattled off some standard information about a deposit (which Nami very reluctantly handed over) and they headed off to their rooms.

Nami guided Luffy in, letting him set down all the luggage.

"Why don't you take a shower, Luffy? You stink," Nami said softly, "You'll feel better."

Luffy managed a nod, and walked into the bathroom with all the cheer and energy of a zombie. Nami distracted herself by going over their finances, their logs, and made sure they hadn't left anything important behind.

Not like crewmembers...

Nami shook her head. That kind of thinking wouldn't help.

She heard the shower turn on. She kept herself busy with her work. So involved in this, she didn't check the clock for a while. When she did, an hour had passed. The shower was still going.

Nami set down the books and headed into the bathroom. It was simple but clean, white tiles laced with blue stripes, with a standing tub.

"Luffy?"

Luffy sat in the tub, naked, with his head bowed. The shower was still going, but Nami could feel how cold it was from here. She hurriedly turned it off, and pulled out a big fluffy towel to wrap around him.

"Luffy? Luffy... Please talk to me," Nami said softly.

Luffy looked up, serious and focused. For so long Nami had wished her hyperactive captain would act like this more often, but right now, she'd give anything for him to make a stupid joke or gobble up food by the tableful.

"I can order room service, I can get us food-"

"I'm not hungry."

Nami's jaw dropped. She instinctively leaned in to press her forehead against his. He didn't have a fever (that she could tell-he was always warm) but the look in his eyes...

"Luffy..." Nami hugged him tightly, "Please... I can't help if you don't talk to me. If... If you don't ask me."

Luffy was silent for a time. Nami opened her mouth to say more before he sighed and looked down.

"My dream is to be the Pirate King. That's all I've ever wanted," he admitted, "I will never stop wanting it. But... If I lose my friends doing it, is that worth it?"

"You're not losing all of us," Nami said softly.

"Robin's gone. Usopp left. I abandoned Merry," Luffy listed off, "I know I had to make the tough call. That's the job of the captain. If they were going off because that was their dream, that'd be one thing. I could handle that. I'd be happy for them. But like this... I don't know if I can take losing all of you."

Nami took hold of Luffy's head between her hands and turned it so she could look him right in the eyes.

"They made their choices, Luffy," Nami said, "I know it hurts, but you're the captain. You have to be strong for us... But it's okay to feel like this. It's okay to admit to me."

She took one of his hands in hers and squeezed tightly. She was fighting tears.

"And... I don't know about the others. I don't know the future. B-But... I'll never leave you. Even if it's just us two in a rowboat... I swear... I'll never leave you. And we'll achieve our dreams. I promise."

Luffy stared intensely into her eyes. He didn't smile, but that light she loved to see in his eyes was slowly re-emerging.

"I love you," he said, simple and sincere. The same way he'd been saying it since Usopp turned in those stupid fake papers.

Nami sniffled and smiled back. The last little vestiges of resistance in her heart faded away.

"I love you too," she said, hugging him tightly and kissing the top of his head. He wrapped his arms around her and she leaned into him.

In the past, all she'd ever had was the certainty of being Arlong's slave. A wild, desperate, foolish hope that he might keep his word.

Now? She had her idiotic captain and husband. Even here, at their lowest, where the old her would have cut and run...

She would never leave him.

Even now, she was certain of him.

A bit of drama to counter all the silliness. I had wanted to write something for this years ago, but just couldn't figure out how to make it good enough. Even this I'm not fully satisfied with, but I hope you like it. Or at least have suggestions for how to improve it. The story is still on pause I'm afraid, but I have not forgotten it, or you, my wonderful readers.

Omake: The Worst Outcome

Usopp: "I, the great Usopp, can see your future! You will have... A house!"

Chopper: "OH NO!"

Luffy: "Like a house boat?"

Usopp: "NO! A NON-BOAT HOUSE!"

Chopper: "That's the worst kind!"

Usopp: "You will have... A white picket fence!"

Luffy: "NO!"

Usopp: "You'll have to shower EVERY DAY!"

Luffy: "NOOO!"

Usopp: "Nami will cook you food!"

Luffy: "... Well that's not all bad-"

Usopp: "WHILE YOU SLAVE AWAY AT... AN OFFICE JOB!"

Luffy and Chopper: "AAAAHHHHH!"

Usopp: "YES! YOU, THE MIGHTY PIRATE KING, WILL HAVE BEEN... DOMESTICATED!"

Luffy and Chopper: "UWAAAAHHHH!"

Nami: "Will you three SHUT UP?!"

Luffy looking at Nami," But Usopp said I would have to shower every day."

Nami looked at him, she could see Chopper had a look of horror on his own face. Nami sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose. Then started smiling evily. "Luffy. I'll cut you a deal. If you shower daily. I'll wash your back."

Nearby Sanji froze at those words. His eyes shrank as his thoughts wandered.

Luffy looked at Nami, "Wait, you'll help me shower?"

Nami gave him a winning smile, "Why yes. It is what a wife should do for her husband."

Zoro pipped up at that point,"Then use the women's shower. I don't want to have to clean the mess up in the man's shower."

Sanji promptly let out a strange noise. Blood exploded from his nose as he fell backwards.

Chopper seeing this began to panic. "Sanji's down. Sanji's down. He needs a doctor. Oh sweet goodness he needs a doctor."

Robin watching from one side spoke up," Chopper, aren't you a doctor?"

The small reindeer froze at those words as a thoughtful look crossed his face. "Oh, yeah."

Sanji: recovers, calm voice "Luffy. It is my sad duty to have to kill you."

Luffy: "Again?! What for?!"

Sanji: "YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DID!"

Robin: "You know, technically, isn't it Usopp's fault they got married in the first place?'

Usopp: "ROBIN! HOW COULD YOU?!"

Sanji: "USOPPPP!"

Usopp: "THEY WOULD HAVE FALLEN IN LOVE EVENTUALLY! IT'S NOT MY FAULT!"

Luffy: "Huh... When Makino told me marriage was an adventure... She really was right!"

Nami: exasperated sigh "Yeah, she sure undersold it."