Stare….
Little Makoto was sleeping.
In our crib.
How dare he!
I can not let him leave my sight or he will hurt Mama again.
What is a sight?
Not the point.
What is a point though?
Little Mukuro was next to us. She stares at me too.
But she don't understand.
She is too dumb to notice how Makoto is a danger.
What is a danger?
Not good, that is what
I hear Mamá and Papá walking in.
"Girls! Makoto!" Mama's voice rings in.
What's a ring?
Not the point.
"Haru, You need to rest. How even are you so lively again so soon?"
I keep staring Makoto.
Papa looks at me, but I do not look at him.
I need to keep watch on Makoto.
Keep watch?
What am I saying?
"Uhm, dear? What is Junko doing?"
"Hmm?"
Mama was keeping watch on Makoto too.
Mama gets me.
She looks at me keeping concentration on Makoto.
""Aw…! She's as enamored by Makoto as I am that she can't look away!"
…
…
"I get the feeling that you are wrong dear."
Mama's really dummy.
That's why I have to protect her.
Protect her from Makoto.
Days passed, and the more I keep watching Makoto the more I learn about him.
Firstly, He's annoying.
He cries a lot.
He cries more than I do.
And Little Mukuro almost never cries.
He'a a real drag to mama.
But…
"Don't worry Makoto…" Mama chirped as she held Makoto in her arms. "I'm here, I'm always here…"
Mama would never leave him.
I feel that she's starting to leave us aside.
Leave me aside…
The pit in my stomach always appears when I feel like this.
"Hey, Ken…" Mama called Papa.
"Yes hun?"
"Makoto does cry a bit more than the girls, right?"
Mama recognizes it!
"Yeah, Makoto is exactly what I would have expected of a normal baby."
Huh?
Makoto is normal?
Are we… weird then?
The pit in my stomach grows larger.
"Junko and certainly Muku are less frequent to cry but, that is what makes each of them special in their own way, don't you think dear?
"I do worry about Mukuro being too silent though. Not that it's bad and I'm actually thankful for it at times, but…"
Mama turned to us. Little Mukuro was sleeping next to me in our crib.
"I certainly hoped that Muku would cry more… not because I want her to but because I want her to trust more in me… more in us… Do I make sense?"
"Do you really want my honest thoughts?" Papa grinned.
"Oh, shush you."
Is it normal for babies to cry more?
But when I cried Ex-mama yelled at me.
I don't want mama to yell at me.
But I'm weird because I don't cry?
I really don't understand sometimes.
But.
Mama says being weird it's not bad.
Makoto is weird to me.
Is that fine?
…
…
…
No.
Makoto hurt Mama.
And Mama is too gullible.
I can't let him do whatever freely.
I kept watching Makoto over the weeks.
When Makoto isn't with Mama, he stays in our crib with us.
Little Mukuro stares at him.
And Makoto looks at her back.
In comparison, Little Mukuro isn't so little compared to Makoto.
Ah, right. This reminds me.
Secondly. He's dumb.
Not Little Mukuro dumb, god bless her.
What is god?
I don't think I'll get an answer to that one.
Point is. When Makoto isn't with Mama and isn't sleeping, he don't do much.
He won't trick me that way! I know he's waiting for the perfect moment to hurt Mama again!
He is just staring at Little Mukuro right now.
Menacingly.
And Little Mukuro just stares at him without any expressions.
…
…he's not thinking of hurting Little Mukuro too, is he?
He better not dare!
Now that I think about it. This is the first time they interact with each other.
Little Mukuro usually sleeps when Makoto is crying.
And Makoto always cries.
He started to stop crying recently.
And now the three of us are awake at the same time.
Which is something that not always happens.
I stay awake watching Makoto until he sleeps.
Then I spend time with Little Mukuro before going to sleep.
And then I get woken up by Makoto's crying and see Mukuro sleeping.
This was the cycle we usually had, but…
With Makoto stopping his crying. Mama stopped grabbing him specifically.
Which made Makoto sleep less.
And I…
I…
Feel sleepy.
Around this time Makoto already falls asleep by Mama, and I stayed with Mukuro for a little while.
But this time… Makoto's awake.
And I can't keep my eyes open.
I can't sleep.
He'll hurt someone while I sleep!
Makoto and Little Mukuro were still looking at each other.
Little Mukuro only did that. Stare.
But when Makoto stared back at her…
He giggled.
What is he planning?!
I blink trying to clear my vision but I don't think it worked.
Because I saw…
Mukuro smiling?
Not smiling but, her mouth was agape.
And she usually is expressionless.
I'm…
I'm falling asleep…
I want to sleep in Mama's arms…
I…
I closed my eyes.
I feel warm.
I like this feeling.
It's like when I'm being held in Mama's arms.
Like.
It's not the same.
When Mama holds me her warmth surrounds my entire body.
The same warmth surrounds me but not completely.
It reminds me of when I slept with Little Mukuro but…
She felt cold.
So it can not be her.
But I do not care too much about it.
This feels… nice.
I heard someone's laughter.
But I didn't care.
I liked this feeling.
I wanted to keep sleeping.
*Click.*
I heard some weird noise this time.
I slowly open my eyes.
I wake up to mama's form, holding something rectangular with a big weird looking eye in the middle.
What is a rectangle?
Whatever that is, I've seen it before.
It does some weird clicking.
"Rise and shine ursine." She chirped.
What is an ursine?
Mama can be weird sometimes.
"I'm sorry if I woke you up, Junko, but you three just look so lovely."
Us three?
That's when I realized that the warmth I felt while sleeping never once left ever since i've woken up.
I felt like someone was holding me, and when I turned I realized that I was being held.
But… I wasn't held by Little Mukuro.
When I turned, I was greeted by him hugging me.
I was hugged by him while I was sleeping.
He has grabbed me while I was at my most weakest
I was greeted by his peacefully sleeping face
I was….
…
…
…
Makoto felt just like mama.
He held me with the same warmth mama did.
Why do I feel so… good?
Why do I feel so happy?
He is…
He's…
…
…
…
After my mental rambling I could see something more.
Little Mukuro was holding Makoto while asleep.
She hugged him too.
Little Mukuro's hugs were cold, they hurt.
But… Makoto looked so peaceful.
So… Happy.
And Little Mukuro too!
She doesn't show it cause she's too dumb but, she's 'smiling' in her own way.
She's almost never like this.
Not even with Mama is she like this at times.
That both warms me and bothers me.
Stupid Mukuro…
…
…
…
Am I wrong about this?
Is Makoto not bad?
I…
…
…
I can't be certain.
But I won't risk it.
I'll keep watching him.
I'll be certain when he hurts Mama or Little Mukuro again. (Even though he never hurt Mukuro…..)
Mama and Papá left the three of us in our crib today.
Little Mukuro had her scary wolfy plushie.
And I had 'Mono'. My Teddy bear
Mono the bear.
I liked it.
What does Mono mean though?
Makoto stared at Little Mukuro holding her wolf plush.
When he looked at it a little closer, Little Mukuro instantly turned around, taking her plush with her. It was funny seeing Makoto yelp in surprise.
After that he then turned to me and looked at Mono.
His mouth was agape.
Do he want to hold Mono?
…
…
…
Mono is mine!
He don't deserve Mono!
And he could hurt him!
Her…
Their…
…
Do bears have genders?
Don't matter!
He won't lay a finger on Mono!
Not while I'm here!
I held Mono closer to me, without any intention of letting go.
Makoto looked a little sad.
I expected him to cry, but he didn't.
Then we heard loud footstomps.
Mama had returned!
"Kids!"
She stomped right into our room and ran at us excitedly.
"I hope we didn't take too long!. Dummy Ken took too long to decide between two chairs, he ended up buying them both either way…"
"Hun! Can't you help me here first!? I feel like I'll lose balance carrying everything here!" I heard Papa's voice, he must be outside still.
"Look what I got for you" Mama ignored Papa's pleas and took something out of .
It was… some kind of toy.
Mama shook it and it made some noise!
Little Mukuro was the most intrigued by it.
Mama noticed. "Here you go Muku!"
She left the thing next to Little Mukuro, who grabbed it with one hand, keeping the wolf plush in the other.
She started shaking it and making more noise with it. She was so intrigued.
"How funny the more silent one likes the rattle." she giggled.
"Dear!?" Papa still waited for any help to come.
But mama ignored him altogether, looking for something else.
When Mama gives one of us a present, she usually prepares something for the other too…
"I hope you like this Junko."
She then showed me something.
It was… a shiny ball.
It was so shiny I could see myself.
…
…
…
That's me?!
I have red hair?!
I look just like…
…
Just like Ex-mama…
The pit in my stomach hurts.
"You can squish it." she did as she said. "And it's super soft!"
I grabbed it, it was bigger than my hand. But it was really soft.
Makoto looked very impressed by it.
I… don't like this gift too much…
"And for you Makoto!"
"Haruuuu! Heeeeelp!"
Mama took something out of her purse.
It was…!
Mama placed a new plushie in front of us.
"This time I DID pick a dog!" She said smugly.
Makoto was the one closest to it, and he seemed very excited.
"This is all yours Makoto! You no longer have to envy your sisters."
Makoto slowly grabbed the dog plushie and hugged it. He was always gente, which is a great contrast with how Little Mukuro held her wolf doll so tightly.
"And that's not all!" She then darted out of the room.
The footsteps got quieter and quieter.
…
…
"Oh thank god you are here, please grab the – Haru? Where are you going?"
…
…
The footsteps got louder and louder.
She then returned to our room with something different in her hands.
"We got you a playpen!"
"OH COME ON!" Papa's voice filled in with desperation.
That is a playpen?
…
What is a playpen to begin with?
What mama brought was some sort of big rectangle box that looked very soft. It looked to be big enough for the three of us.
"You guys will be able to play here all you want. It's bigger than the crib and you even have some room to learn how to crawl!"
Crawl?
But we already have a room?
Mama placed it on the ground and then grabbed Little Mukuro first, placing her inside the playpen.
Little Mukuro's mouth formed a circle in awe. She looked all around her.
Mama then grabbed me and placed me in the playpen too.
When my knees touched the ground I felt the softness of the playpen.
The playpen was huuuge.
At least in comparison to the crib.
The three of us fit in the crib with no problem, but we couldn't really do anything in it.
Here. We had the whole world of space!
I giggled in excitement.
Just gotta learn how to 'crawl' properly.
And then Mama placed Makoto next to me. He seems to be barely able to register what's going on around him.
The three of us held our respective plushies, and for a moment we just stared at each other.
"HAAARUUUUU!" Papa yelled and after that some kind of crash happened.
"Oop. Gotta waltz." She then finally went to help Papa.
Little Mukuro mostly kept to herself playing with her wolf plushie.
And with playing I mean staring at her wolf plushie.
…
She did that a lot.
Then I felt Makoto's gaze turn to me.
I turned to him in guard to keep watch on him and what I saw caught me off guard for a moment.
He held his dog plushie towards me.
…
…
…
Did he not like Mama's gift?
So he's giving it to me?
How dare he!
Well, if you don't want it…
I snapped the dog plushie out of his hands.
Then I'll keep it.
Little Makoto looked disheartened by this. He looked like he was going to cry.
Why is he crying now?
Did he not not like Mama's gift?
…
Words are confusing.
I decided to give him back the dog plushie, holding it out for him, just like he did.
Little Makoto noticed me and slowly grabbed the dog plushie back.
After he had it completely he stopped any attempts to cry and smiled brightly at me.
…
…
I hate that stupid smile.
Makoto has been acting weird lately.
He stopped having that stupid smile of his.
He is not pestering me or Little Mukuro.
He's always stinky, much more than usual.
He stopped eating mama's milk.
Or rather he stopped eating willingly completely.
And he looks… whiter?
Whiter than Little Mukuro!
Mama and Papa got very worried.
They said they took Makoto to the hospital.
Oba came and took care of us.
Grandmama is fun to have around.
She's so chirpy like mama.
But smarter and… dumber than mama?
Does that make sense?
Probably not.
Oba is worried too.
Mama and Papa came back with Makoto AND Grandaddy Makoto.
Everyone was so worried, even grandaddy Makoto came…
We were all in the 'living room'.
That's dumb, the room isn't alive.
I was in Oba's arms listening to them, Little Mukuro was in Papa's arms too.
She usually sleeps during these conversations but, today she seemed against it.
She was tired, but kept herself awake as hard as she could.
Papa soothing her hair probably don't help.
Makoto was in Mama's arms, he looked very weak.
"What did the doctors say?" Grandaddy Makoto broke the silence.
"Tsumiki-senpai said that his immune system got weakened because Makoto's birth was done by c-section. And because of that he got sick now."
Mama lowered her head in shame.
"What did he even catch?"
"Inflammatory Bowel Disease" Papá answered Grandmama. "Or something that mimicks it"
"That's extremely rare."
"25% of patients get some form of IBD diagnosed. Only 1% of it are newborn babies."
"He's gonna get alright, right?" Oba asked worriedsome.
"Yeah. Thankfully it's nothing severe but, we'll have to consult a nutritionist about what he can eat while being medicated… worst case scenario…"
Grandmama and Grandaddy looked to Papa for answers.
"He could need to get surgery."
"B-But he's less than a month old!"
Grandaddy grabbed the temple of his eyebrows "1% huh…"
Everyone was down.
Grandaddy was sad.
Grandmama was sad.
Papa was sad.
Mama was sad.
Little Mukuro could only stare at Makoto, and for the first time, she wasn't expressionless while at it.
Little Mukuro was sad.
And Makoto.
Little Makoto.
Wasn't sad.
He was hurting.
He was downcast.
But he wasn't sad.
He seemed… contempt with being in Mama's arms.
As if that was enough for the rest of his life.
I don't understand what's happening to Makoto.
I just know that he's not his usual self.
That he is 'sick.'
Does that happen to weak babies?
Does that happen to the babies abandoned by their mamas?
But… why does it happen to Makoto?
Mama and Papa didn't abandon Makoto.
Mama, Papa, Grandmama, Little Mukuro, Even Grandaddy Makoto loves him.
Why is this happening to him?
And why… does it bother me?
Why seeing him like this makes the pit in my stomach grow?
It never happened before.
It used to only grow when I was sad about me.
Why does it grow because of Makoto?
Why looking at his weak face now makes the pit grow?
Why do I think that anything besides that stupid smile of his doesnt fit well with him?
Why does my chest ache seeing him like that?
…
…
…
Is it because I was weary of him?
Is it because I wanted something to happen so I could protect Mama from him?
Is it because I never gave him a chance?
Did I cause this?
I…
I….
I'm….
…..
….
…
Even though everyone was worried and scared.
Makoto was slowly getting better.
He regained his color back.
Mama and Papa seemed more relaxed and Little Mukuro was able to sleep properly.
Makoto still looked weak but anythings better than how he was before.
Seeing Mama and Papa so worried made my heart clench.
And there was nothing I could do about it.
This feeling of uselessness…
I felt it before.
I thought that I could force myself to love it.
But now that I know how it feels to be loved.
I hate this feeling.
My mother and father being forced to worry this much.
I hate seeing them like this.
I want them to be happy.
Just like how they made me happy.
And Makoto…
…
Makoto is the core problem to this.
If something were to happen to Makoto…
…
…
…
No…
It's not like that.
If Makoto is sad
Mama will be sad
or Papa will be sad
Or Little Mukuro will be sad
And then Papa will be sad
Or Mama
Or Little Mukuro
Or Oba
And we all be sad
But if I make Makoto happy
Then Mama will be happy
Or Little Mukuro or Papa
And everyone will be happy
And we can finally be a happy family
So I'll make sure to make Makoto happy forever.
And we'll be a happy family once more.
As days passed, the more time I spent with Makoto.
I made it my mission to make him happy so everyone would be happy again.
Even if I still don't trust Makoto, I don't want Mama or Little Mukuro to be sad.
So I will put up with it.
…
How do I put up with something?
Back on track, I wanted to make Makoto happy.
And at first he was but…
The more time I spent with him, the more he got scared.
I don't know why he's getting scared! I just want him to spend every minute of his life smiling so everyone else can smile too! it's not that hard to understand, right?
…
…
Why do I keep asking myself stuff?
And I guess Makoto is too dumb to understand that.
What are we doing now?
I stopped rambling to myself and looked at my surroundings.
Right….
The three of us were in the playpen.
Mukuro was still staring at her wolf while Makoto stared at it too from a corner.
Makoto stopped stinking now.
And he started eating from Mama's breast again.
He didn't look fully alrigiht.
But he wasn't crying.
He was… contempt…
Little Mukuro appreciated his silent company.
Even if she's too dumb to acknowledge it…
…
What is to acknowledge?
*Grrrrrrrllll*
My stomach made some noises suddenly.
…oh no…
I start feeling very weird.
I really hated this feeling
My body starts to shake
Why does this keep happening to me?
And then…. I have an accident.
It's awful.
I hate it.
I'm stinky and I can't do anything about it.
And Mama and Papa just left.
Mama won't be cleaning me for a while.
I hate this.
I really hate this.
I start to cry.
I feel extremely useless.
Mama says it's okay, but I don't feel it's okay.
The pit in my stomach grows again.
This feeling of powerlessness. I don't want it.
Take it away.
Make it stop…
…
I see Makoto looking at me.
Why did this have to happen now?
Now he'll see me as I'm stinky.
That pit grows even larger.
I don't want him to see me like this.
Makoto starts crawling my way.
No…
Please…
Just leave…
I cry even harder, shutting my eyes.
I don't want to see anyone.
I don't want anyone to see me.
…
…
I feel a light tap.
I open my eyes.
The first thing I see is Mono.
The second thing I see is Makoto holding Mono.
And that infuriated me for a second but then I saw the whole picture.
Makoto is holding Mono out to me.
I stare at him.
…
…
…
I don't get it.
I was angry at him for hurting Mama, even if he might have left Mama just like I left Ex-mama.
Without wanting to.
I was so weary of him, even though he never did anything.
I'm even still mad because he's grabbing Mono.
So why?
Why aren't you mean to me?
Why aren't you like me and hate me?
Why are you nice to me?
I…
I grabbed Mono while looking at the floor.
I can't look at Makoto's eyes.
I keep my head low.
And then I feel a familiar warmth cover my body.
Makoto hugged me.
And…
It feels good.
It feels just like when Mama holds me.
I…
…
…
…
I don't know.
I don't know what to do about this.
I don't know. what to think about this.
I don't know what to do anymore.
I like this.
Should I even do something about this?
He pulls back.
And I see it.
That smile of his.
That very same stupid smile I used to hate.
It's so bright. That I can't help but feel comforted.
Even though he's not healthy.
He can still smile this brightly.
And he is smiling for me right now.
I just don't get it.
I can not get it.
I don't want to have these thoughts clousing me anymore.
Makoto then crawls to get something.
And I feel bad that he leaves.
Why?
Why do I feel like this now?
I hear a noise and something soft taps me lightly on my little leg.
It was the shining ball mama gifted me.
I looked up from it and saw Makoto a little far from me.
He was looking at me, expectantly.
DId he roll the ball to me?
What does he want?
Does he want me to roll the ball back to him?
…
…
I silently rolled the ball back to him. And when it reached him he giggled happily.
His bright smile appearing once more.
He rolled the ball back to me.
That's when I got it.
Makoto wants to play with me
But why now?
Does he want to distract me?
….
Nah.
That can't be it.
He's not that smart.
But it sounds like fun.
So I just tossed the ball back, it slowly rolling back to him, and every time he received the ball he smiles brighter than the previous time.
At one moment when I received the ball, I saw myself through it.
I looked ugly.
I was still stinky.
And my tears hadn't dried.
But I didn't care.
I tossed the ball back to Makoto.
I wasn't going to care for any of that.
Little Mukuro then decided to break her silence… silently.
She crawled closer to us to see what we were doing.
Every time we tossed the ball, she would follow it with her eyes, moving her little head to follow it.
After a couple of times Makoto realizes this.
And at one moment, Makoto tosses the ball to her instead of me.
Mukuro stared the ball.
Then stared at Makoto.
Then the ball again.
She tossed it back to him.
He giggles and tosses it back to me.
Then I toss the ball to Little Mukuro.
She receives it, looks at it, looks at me, then tosses the ball back to me.
Both Makoto and I repeated this process, and Mukuro slowly got the hang of it.
The three of us were playing together for the first time.
I….
I like this.
I really like this.
I love this.
I love my family.
I will make sure it always remains this way.
The three of us together.
Forever.