A/N: I've been redoing the 100 fanart challenge lately (see FanArt100 on DeviantArt), and I considered doing an Applyburg AU fic for "Touch"; however, I decided I wanted to do this as a separate thing instead.
"The best part of being a superhero's sidekick," Curly the Worm chuckled to himself as he lifted a pristine pair of miniature Super-Scope Binoculars, "is getting to test out my new toys."
Although the shadows stretched beneath the colorful sunset sky, every blade of grass stood out before Curly across the impressive backyard of The Chemist and Mother Pearl's mansion; every leaf shivering in the cool evening breeze became distinct; every flutter of a bird wing could not escape the binocular's notice, but Curly had no interest in nature. The real fun lay in spying on Altruistic Alvin strolling alongside Vicki Cucumber across the grassy lawn.
Not that it was interesting in and of itself. The two of them mostly just talked and smiled at each other a lot, but Curly got a kick of thinking of the different ways he would tease Alvin about it later. The railing of the mansion's second-floor balcony offered Curly a great view of the backyard, and he followed the not-quite-sweethearts' movement across the shadows with the binoculars.
Below him, delicious smells rose up from the kitchen on the ground floor, signaling that Mother Pearl's supper for some of the members of F.R.E.S.H. — Freedom-loving, Righteous, Ebullient, Salubrious Heroes — was nearly completed. Vicki was the only non-member in attendance that evening, but Mother Pearl had invited her because Vicki stuck up for her son, The Chemist, when the editor of the newspaper where Vicki worked wanted to write a smear piece against the scientist superhero.
Behind Curly in the upstairs living room which Mother Pearl used for family gatherings, The Chemist, Persuasion the Good Apple, and Outback Jack passed the time playing a game of Chinese checkers. Jackie, Outback Jack's sidekick who was a crocodile sock puppet on the end of the kiwifruit's sleeve, sunbathed in the beams of her other best friend, Lampy, the smiling, silent lamp who stood beside the sofa, and she enjoyed a cheerful, one-sided conversation with him. (Jackie liked when she could do most of the talking.)
When Curly snickered for the fifteenth time or so, Persuasion, who alternated between reading a magazine and playing the game, looked up from an article on superhero fashion to frown at her sidekick.
"Curly, get away from there."
"In a minute," replied Curly without lowering the binoculars.
Persuasion rolled her eyes and returned to the game (since The Chemist had gestured with his mechanical arm to let her know it was her turn). As she moved her green marble, she said, "That worm always has to know everyone's business."
Curly finally turned his head, just a little.
"Remind me what you asked me to do last week?" he replied. "Something about sneaking into S-Cape's lair and gathering information…?"
As Outback Jack moved his piece, Jackie the sock puppet piped up on the end of his sleeve: "It's one thing to spy on a supervillain, Curly. It's another to snoop on your friends."
"What do you want from me?" Curly raised his tail in lieu of throwing up a pair of hands. "Isn't it enough that I can't vote? Are you guys going to take away this pastime from me?"
"You're heading for trouble if you keep it up," said The Chemist, keeping his eyes on the board.
"Show me where in the Bible it says, 'Thou shalt not snoop,'" Curly challenged. "Go on! Chapter and verse!"
"It's called treating someone the way you want to be treated," Persuasion replied, taking her turn next. "If you were having a private moment with a friend, would you want Alvin and Vicki to snoop?"
"Alvin and Vicki have a lot more happening in their lives than I do," Curly muttered, turning back to the pair.
Before anyone else could respond, the door opened, and Mother Pearl and Dr. Flurry came in with trays of drinks and appetizers.
As he passed Outback Jack a plate of hors d'oeuvres, Dr. Flurry noticed Curly out on the balcony and asked, "Has he smooched her yet?"
"Not yet," exhaled Curly. "The guy is as slow as a glacier."
Dr. Flurry scoffed, shaking his head. "Ach! What's the point of a vegetable having arms if he doesn't use them to hug his sweetheart once in a while?"
Persuasion rolled her eyes as she accepted a soda from Mother Pearl. "Doctor, you're as bad as Curly."
"It's the principle of the matter, my dear," Dr. Flurry insisted as he handed The Chemist the next plate. "Why, if I was Alvin's age again, and I had a pretty lady who looked at me the way Vicki looks at him, I wouldn't go shuffling my feet about it!"
Outback Jack snorted as he moved a marble. "Keep telling yourself that, mate."
"Hey, I'm braver than I used to be," Dr. Flurry insisted. "I would treat a fine lady like a queen!"
Mother Pearl raised her head, and her eyes glittered.
"In which case," hummed Mother Pearl, "I don't suppose you'd like to help me take the fish out to your penguins in the carriage house now, Arvin, dear? Even though I'm sure they enjoy playing in the air conditioning over helping out in a hot kitchen, they'll like that we remembered them."
Dr. Flurry glanced at her and suddenly coughed. "Uh, sure, uh, certainly, Miss Pearl…"
The Chemist raised his head in alarm, and he tried to stand as his mother led Dr. Flurry back into the hall, but Persuasion grabbed hold of his arm and forced him back into his seat.
"Just stay out of it," Persuasion advised.
The Chemist opened his mouth to protest, but an excited shriek from Curly cut him off.
"Hey! Hey! He's putting his arm around her! Alvin's putting his arm around her— oh, he's just picking off a piece of lint. False alarm."
The three heroes had shot to their feet and had started to rush for the balcony, but they all sat again, exchanging embarrassed looks.
"You guys are as bad as the worm deep down," said Jackie, shaking her head at them. "At least Lampy knows how to respect someone's privacy. Right, Lampy?"
The lamp did not reply.
Alvin and Vicki made a few more rounds along the backyard before ambling back to the house, but instead of entering, they lingered on the large back terrace to watch the sunset. Alvin climbed onto the balustrade and balanced himself, cross-legged, while Vicki leaned against the concrete top, facing him with a smile as they talked. For Alvin, who had grown up among supervillains and crime lords, it still amazed him sometimes to see anyone so comfortable around him (or for him to talk so freely with someone who was not secretly planning to betray him down the road), but Vicki's friendship was one of the many blessings which God had bestowed on him after Alvin had repented from his old lifestyle. Although the other F.R.E.S.H. members were certainly his friends — fruits and vegetables for whom he would give his life in a heartbeat and vice versa — his easy rapport with Vicki was something especially important to Alvin.
During a lull in their conversation, Vicki casually peered up toward the house, then raised an eyebrow.
"I wonder what has Curly all absorbed?" she said, nodding toward the second floor. "I thought bird watching gave him nightmares."
"Maybe he sees an animal?" Alvin guessed, turning his head to follow Vicki's gaze, but on seeing the two look at him, Curly immediately lowered his binoculars, and the strain of an innocent whistle could be heard from the balcony.
Alvin frowned and swung his feet around until he could stand.
"You know, it's probably pretty boring to be a worm," he said slowly. "Curly has to find something to amuse himself when Persuasion isn't out on patrol. Maybe he would like to play a game."
With a quick swoop, Alvin plucked up a pebble and stood, and he made a sharp whistle, causing the little worm to start.
"Catch!" Alvin called. He swung his arm under and back like a pendulum, and sent the rock flying toward the worm.
He honestly meant it as a gentle, but firm, warning to Curly, but the worm reacted a second too late. The pebble made a swift arch up to the balcony and plunked right on his head. He yelped and tumbled backwards and out of sight.
Vicki winced but let out a laugh of sympathy.
"Are you okay, Curly?" she called up.
"He's fine!" came Persuasion's voice, full of mirth. "Nothing hurt but his pride!"
"And he's probably smarter for the experience," muttered Alvin, dusting his hands as he turned back to resume his seat by Vicki.
Once Curly had toppled onto the balcony floor, Persuasion had tossed her magazine onto the table and rose from her chair before she sauntered calmly over to help her groaning sidekick. Using one of her metallic spider talons, she scooped him up, and he draped over the arm in a half daze.
"That's why you shouldn't snoop," she smiled at him.
Curly shot her an upside-down glare. "Do I ever tell you 'I told you so'?"
THE END
A/N: Meant to be silly fun that takes place later on in the Applyburg timeline. In the last LB book, the villains have their own league called R.O.T.T.E.N., so the hero league in this AU is F.R.E.S.H.
A shout out to SoliDeoGloria, for her idea about Jackie and Lampy being best friends in the Applyburg AU.