It was a day that was like any other on Rokkenjima, except that the family had gathered due to the patriarch Kinzo fatally dying because he was killed to death by a lethal shark attack on the toilet, causing him to die and no longer be alive, ending his life. He had ten tons of gold, and everybody wanted it. Suddenly, a woman appeared. "I am a witch named Beatrice! The true heir is the only human that can touch that gold! Solve the magic murders to access the gold!"
"USELESS, IT'S ALL USELESS!" shouted Battler Ushiromiya.
"YOU ARE JUST PAPER WEIHHGHTS!" he shouted at the seven stakes. "YOU ARE A STUFFED LION, SAKUTARO! AND THOSE NUMBERED WOMEN ARE SAWED OFF SHOTGUNS!"
"FIne, there is no magic(k). You get the gold." Said Beatrice.
Battler touched the gold.
"No, Battler. You are the magic(k)."
And then Battler was a camel.
"THAT GOLD CHANGES NONHEIRS INTO FURRIES!" gloated Beatrice in red. "AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHA!"
Battler Ushiromiya had no mouth (technically, he did, but it was a camel mouth, so he could not speak in red, blue, purple, gold, or even regularly, for that matter), and he must blame everything on small bombs.