"I meant what I said on the parapet. Even when I'm not with you, there's only you."

- Recovered correspondence from Lieutenant Xaden Riorson to Cadet Violet Sorrengail

- Xaden -

Dain. Fucking, Dain. I don't sound anything like Dain. Ripping my hand through my hair, I finish tugging the black fabric tunic over my shoulders so hard I risk ripping it. My first attempt at the buttons is an offset disaster, and I set my hands against the dresser before hanging my head low as frustration and furious realization hits me in a wave of shame.

"Looks like we need to seek another luminary, because he'll meet Malek before Violet."

"Violet isn't up for negotiation."

"The answer is no. There is always another way."

"Shit." I'm going to have a hard time living this one down. Not once did I even try to hear her out.

Flopping into the crushed red velvet chair that I've always hated, I attempt to get my emotions under control before going back out there. I kind of wish I'd made one of those runed daggers for myself. Cat's going to fuck with us so hard, Gods, why does she have to be here this particular night?

"And why did you not tell the Silver One about your reasons for not bringing her here? These questions are irrelevant. What has been done has been done." Sgaeyl snarls into my mind. She's still arguing with Tairn, I know, but that's never stopped her from calling my bullshit out.

"It's not that easy. I haven't had a need to share things with anyone for a long time."

She sighs, but that's it. Her walls are rebuilt and she goes back to fighting with her mate. Just like I'm fighting with mine - or…whatever Violet is to me at the moment.

Both of the women in my life are pissed at me - one because I'm being too overprotective, which I am. I absolutely won't deny that fact, and the other because I'm losing my resolve. To the first, I wish I could explain it to her.

"You can. You choose not to."

Classic Sgaeyl, always going for the death blow.

"She won't understand."

A dragon-sized scoff pounds into my mind like a hammer hitting a nail and I flinch. "My mate bonded her for her intelligence. Do you suggest that she is not smart enough to understand your…feelings?"

Damnit, stop murdering me, dragon.

"No," she growls, and is gone again.

When Violet isn't right in front of me, I'm terrified. I'm being overprotective for my own good…and it's driving her away, but Gods, I can't stop - haven't been able to think of doing anything but protect her since…

Since Ressen.

And almost every night that fucking Venin is in my head…taunting me about her. With her. Torturing her. Making me a deal that I'm terrified I won't deny if the nightmares are more than what they superficially seem to be.

I push out a sigh and pop up, the dress shoes and cotton pants as familiar as this ornate room I've also always hated.

My hand hits the door handle when my shrewd dragon snaps, "fix your tunic buttons - don't embarrass us."

Godsdamnit.

Brennan is waiting as I exit, and he's dressed almost identical to me. All rider's think alike, I guess.

"What do you think?"

I scoff, "this was your fucking idea - I wasn't even supposed to be here. What exactly is the Sorrengail plan?"

The way his face falls tells me all I need to know. "Let me guess. It was Violet's idea and you're pretty sure she'll share the plan with you when you need to know?"

Brennan just shrugs as the two of us fall into step heading toward the dining hall. I drop my shields just a bit to see if she's okay, and while her path in my mind up the Aretian hillside is glowing, that's all I'm getting instead of the crackling blue-purple strands of lightning I'm used to seeing. She's still blocking me out.

Good. That means her shields are up. That's a good thing.

Sgaeyl interjects, "you don't sound pleased."

"Do you have nothing better to do right now?"

I'm rewarded with silence and turn on Brennan.

"Look. We have to be very careful with Tecarus' offer. You above all know he thrives on word play, and his gift will be very tempting." Hopefully not too tempting.

Brennan stops, his hand firm on my arm as he stops me too. "You're scared."

I unleash a little bit of my anger, towering over him, leaning down as my shadows rise around our legs. "I'm fucking terrified. Every flier that fled Zolya is in this fucking palace, and they'll all be more than happy to slit their throats for the plague that their mother leaves at Poromiel's doorstep."

He shakes his head. "No…that's not it. You think he could offer Violet something to make her stay."

Fuck.

"I didn't think you'd call my bluff," I might as well be honest, it was a good pull on his part.

Brennan laughs and steps back from me by a step, but his voice stays low. "Violet would give her heart in her chest to a stranger. She's the most selfless person any of us know. Tecarus won't be able to offer her something she can't deny - that shit's for gluttons and people filled with greed. There isn't a greedy bone in her body."

"And if his offer is the luminary and all of us being allowed to leave unharmed? Mira out of the hands of fliers that hold knives to her throat?"

The color drains from his face.

"Yeah. That's why I'm terrified, you asshole. You could have just…listened when I said no, you know."

He heaves a sigh and walks away from the conversation, his steps slow and contemplative. Turning back on me I find his finger jammed into my chest, flaring my temper back up right after I'd been trying to tamp it down. "Do you love my sister? Like…love, love?"

"Yes." It doesn't occur to me to lie. I slap his hand away when he narrows his eyes, almost like he's trying to decide if he believes me. "Have I ever given you any indication that I didn't?"

"No, but I'm really bad at that kind of shit so I just wanted to make sure that our fear is coming from the same place."

Sgaeyl snipes, "you can tell her brother but not her?"

I slam my shields up in response hoping she gets the point.

We're greeted in normal formal flair by far too many people bowing, fawning, and simpering over this bloated aristocrat. Malek knows how much I hate this guy, but I smile pleasantly, like Dad taught me, and only when I feel a branch of panic knocking at my shields do I drop them to see what's wrong.

She's getting closer - I can see our bond get stronger. Peeking up I see the viscount huddled with Brennan, their foreheads almost touching, and everyone here is blessedly ignoring me. Slouching in the chair I close my eyes and ground both feet into the soft grass atop the hill and focus every ounce of energy I have on Violet.

I feel Cat's intention through the crack in Violet's shields: "does she really think she can get to him with that? Some silk and a lack of a hairdo?" But it's Violet's self doubting thought that comes through bright and clear.

'She's right. What am I doing? Xaden doesn't get flustered, and definitely not by me.'

I quickly shut my shields around my hilltop allowing only one path priority: Violet's. There's a damn gray cloud swirling and twining with the lightning. Godsdamn Cat and her fucking mindwork - could have at least had the decency to try and mess with me and not her, but it seems like she's already well into her routine.

Violet knows exactly how easy I lose control - how she brings me to the peak of flustered with a single glance, but I know how Cat's gift works and I know how powerfully she uses it because I've been on the receiving end of it more times than I want to admit. Catriona used it to win every fight, convinced me Tecarus had our best interest at heart, and abused it to get me into her bed.

Violet's doubt stings. That means she already had it - had a doubt that she's both the rocking boat and the waves that do the rocking in my life.

I feel Sgaeyl as she frustratedly and embarrassingly easily opens her path while I ground. "It is not her doubt, it is her confusion. The Silver One does everything with knowledge. Shake that and she will force herself to rethink. You know this."

"Rethink me?"

She growls. "That is not what I said. Cease your panicking."

I channel everything into my bond with Violet and send across wood groaning as it splits, then shatters. The sound of daggers clattering to the floor. The feel of my heart pounding, my breath stuttering as bliss settles in the marrow of my bones. "I've never lost control like that."

The relief is instant and the gray swirling cloud pulls back from her pathway, though it's still there, opaquely lingering at the foot of the hill and I know I'll have to slay that dragon one or two more times thanks to Cat.

"I do not appreciate the colloquialism." Sgaeyl grumbles.

A slap on my shoulder brings me back to the dining room and away from the quiet hilltop of my grounding, but I leave one foot in place before giving Tecarus my attention. The bond gets stronger and stronger, and the anticipation of knowing she's about to walk through that door quickens my pulse and sets a tingle of power beneath my skin. I know I have to get to her before Tecarus, and I definitely need to separate her from Catriona if not long enough to tell her why I need to separate her from Catriona.

The doors finally part and because she's my everything, she's all I see. I want to say I prepared myself for what 'some silk and a lack of hairdo' meant, but no. I've never had less preparation in my life for the way the silk hugs her body…caressing every single place I've memorized with my fingers and tongue. The raging inferno pulses through my veins as it always does and I don't keep my eyes from taking in everything about her from bottom to top.

It looks like she poured herself into the layers of black silk, and all I can imagine is ripping it off of her with my teeth as I trace my eyes across every inch of barely hidden skin wishing it was my hands. The silk drags on the floor and her toned calf and thigh wink at me through the split in the side along with a leather sheath that fully shows the dagger she brought with her.

That's my Violence, I grin and I'm fairly sure it's near feral.

My throat goes dry as I finally rip my eyes away from her body, and the tingle in my fingers and the sudden way I rub them together is because of my driving want - no - need to drive them into the silken duality that is her fucking hair. Her fucking down hair.

She came to fight, fangs and talons bared ready to tear me apart. By all the Gods that still want anything to do with me…I'd let her.

Much like I'm immediately drawn to her, those hazel eyes hit mine instantly and the aqua edge to the amber light sets my feet to move before I even realized I'd gotten out of the chair. Her shields are locked tight but I see an opening and I know it's just for me.

Good girl.

"That dress," I growl. The flush of her cheeks brings some pride to my chest because I know for a fact that my gaze does the same thing to her as hers does to me.

"You're playing dirty, Violence."

…