Jennie

I feel conflicted. Is it possible for your heart to feel broken, but to feel more alive than you have in years? That's how I feel. Waking up with Lisa a few days ago was everything I've been dreaming of for the last couple of years. Being with her again was surreal – it was like we were never apart. The way she makes me feel and the way she touched me... It was perfection.

Just when the smallest amount of hope bloomed in my heart, Helen and Rosé walked in. I saw the hope in Lisa's eyes, and I didn't have the heart to walk away when I knew she wanted me to stay. It was only breakfast, but I hated every second I spent with them.

Dad tightens his grip on my hand and I turn to look at him. "What's wrong, Princess?" He asks.

I smile and shake my head. "Nothing, daddy," I tell him. I take a good look at dad and sigh. Every day he seems to get thinner, even though he's getting the best care he could possibly have. I'm worried. I know he's staying strong for me, but every day his dialysis sucks a little bit more life out of him. My dad has always been strong and in control of everything. He's always been powerful, especially in his career. I worry that it's affecting him too much mentally to be at the mercy of his illness.

Dad wraps his arm over mine and shakes his head. "You're being quiet," he says. I feel my cheeks heat a little and look away. All I've been able to think about lately is Lisa. It's been a few days since we slept together, and I keep telling myself that we can't do it again, but it's so hard to stay away. The only way I can resist her is if I physically stay away. Lisa hasn't said anything, and she's been giving me space, but there's no escaping what's between us.

"It's nothing, daddy."

Dad tightens his grip on my hand and frowns. "Is it Mino? Are you still upset?"

I look at him with wide eyes and shake my head. I probably should still be upset about breaking up with Mino, but I haven't even thought of him recently. "I… No… That's not it. I'm just worried. I'm worried about you, and I'm wondering about the future. My boss said I could take as much time as I need, but eventually she'll need me back. And if I stay away too long, I'm worried that might impact my career."

Heartbreak flashes through my dad's eyes at the mention of me returning to London, and I regret bringing it up at all. He gets upset at the thought of me leaving, and the last thing he needs while he's fighting his illness is additional stress.

"I see," he says. "And you won't consider moving back home? It's been so good having you back here, I've gotten so used to you being back home, I wish you could stay."

I drop my head to my dad's shoulder and sigh. "I'm not sure I can, Dad. I worked so hard to build everything I have, and I can't give it all up now. Besides, where would I even work if I moved back here? The only large company around here is Lisa's."

Dad smiles, his eyes twinkling. "What's wrong with that? You're already working there, and the girl can do with more people that she can trust. There is plenty of opportunity for growth at Manoban Reed. I read an article the other day that said Lisa's company is amongst the most desirable companies to work for in the world."

I look away, my heart twisting painfully. The truth is that Lisa gives me so much responsibility in her company that I've learned more here than I ever did at my old job. I love working with her, and the work is just more interesting. Even more so, I just love knowing that the work I do directly benefits someone I care about, that it makes a difference. At Manoban Reed I'm not just another employee, I'm someone Lisa relies on for all legal advice. It's a new feeling to me – being more than just another worker bee. I adore Alice, but she and I are just that: worker bees. There's a lot of reeducation I'd have to do to formally become a lawyer here, but it'd be worth it. I'd be happier here.

I guess most of the reason that I want to go back is because I know that Lisa and I can't be together. The longer I stay, the more it will hurt when I finally leave. And if I do stay to be close to my dad, it'll only be a matter of time before I'll have to see her fall for someone else. I don't think my heart can take that, but I don't think I can leave my dad either.

I'm still thinking about dad's request hours later. I slip through the sliding doors and walk to the swing on the veranda, the breeze messing up my hair. I sit down and sigh. It isn't until right at this moment that I realize I was hoping that Lisa might be here. I tell myself that I want to stay away from her, yet I find myself seeking her out constantly. It's like my head and my heart are at war.

My heart flutters when the door opens and I glance up to find Lisa walking in, still in her work suit. Why does she have to look so good in a suit? My eyes roam over her body, and my heart starts to race. Why is it only her that my body responds to in this way?

Lisa pulls on her tie and takes a seat next to me, her thigh brushing against mine. She closes her eyes and leans back, looking tired.

"Long day?"

Lisa nods and sighs. I want to take her into my arms, I want to run my hands over her body and cup her cheek so I can turn her face towards mine and kiss her.

"Are you done trying to resist me?" she asks. Lisa opens her eyes and looks at me, her gaze intense. She reaches for me and buries her hand in my hair. "Because I'm done."

I look at her with wide eyes and she smiles. "If my time with you is limited, then I'm not holding back. I've spent years dreaming about you and missing you. I don't want to look back at these months that we've got together with regret. I'm done with all the regret, Jennie. For just a couple of weeks I want to have it all. Tell me you want the same."

I hesitate and Lisa's expression falters. "If we're not on the same page, then let me know now. I'll stop. I won't pursue you in the slightest, I won't make you feel uncomfortable. But if you do, Jennie… Then I'm going to kiss you right now. I'm going to kiss you, and I'm going to slip that robe off your shoulders. I'm going to get you naked, right here on my veranda, and I'm going to fuck you. So, tell me, Minx. Should I stay or should I go?"

My heart is banging in my chest and even though I'm scared of what our future might hold, I'm certain of what I want right now. "Stay. I want it all too. I want it all with you."