Disclaimer: Bonesboy15 doesn't own Helluva Boss or Naruto. The following is a written work of fan-fiction. It contains adult language and situations. Reader discretion is advised.

One Knuckleheaded Glutton

For Whom The Bell Tolls

Deep in secreted away chambers, a video played, enlarged on a wall, focused on a certain couple's second round. The Duke – that loudmouth brat was fucking royalty twice over, and more of a demon than he ever was; the universe truly was fucking ironic – plunged his cock into some Hellhound cunt from behind. The bitch was bent over the bed they had cuddled on not three minutes prior and moaned like a wanton whore in response to the Brat Duke's growls and thrusts. Clearly she enjoyed it, though, as her tail swished from one side to the next, and the Duke would pause occasionally to check in with her.

Completely opposite of the situation going on in the room the footage was being displayed in.

Two pairs of eyes watched the scene, one forced by the willing other. As they watched, for the – ...Sixth? ...Seventh? ...Eighth? – nth time, they also partook in their own carnal acts. Again, one was more than willing, and the other not so. Hell was an...awful place at times, to put it mildly.

Flesh slapped into flesh hard enough to bruise skin, the base of thighs broken by a heavy set of testicles. A massive, thick hand tugged on the unwilling recipient's left horn to jerk his head back. The receiving demon grunted as the grip on his recently un-shattered shoulder tightened. A snarl escaped his lips as hot liquid rocketed into his ass from the equally large phallic growth that already tore it asunder. A few final thrusts – determined to hollow him out, huh? Sour news friend, that ship fuckin sailed years ago – were made before the lesser demon was released.

"Masterful performance, wasn't it?" The Champion rumbled as he none-too-gently retracted himself from an overused and what would be described by human doctors as a prolapsed anus. The lesser demon's horn was released and he dropped to the stone ground in a humiliating pose, a dripping ass up while his face rested on the cool floor.

Not the fucking first time. The Oni thought as he tried to catch his breath. He winced and shuddered as the hot seed oozed from his 'exit'. This was why he fucking preferred to be a top, but he wasn't exactly in position to make demands. Not yet, anyway. He just had to bide his time, grit his teeth and pray that Sharingan Kakashi's brat was still as unpredictable as he was the last time they met.

A thick, capped mass of flesh ran over his wet anus and he shuddered.

"That's enough downtime. The Duke is still going. I must do the same."

This fucking moron takes challenges way too fucking seriously. Zabuza groaned as The Champion slid his cock back into his ass. Shit, he wouldn't mind as much if the Asshole wasn't so against fucking foreplay and recovery. He huffed and pushed himself back up on his hands before the first thrust drove his face into the stone ground.

"That's a good little bitch, tighten around my dick..."

Oh, fucking great, Zabuza rolled his eyes. Now he's repeating the fucking video's words. Context, douchebag–Fuck! And lube! Use actual fucking lube!

"Yes...Yes, Duke Lzebub...Take my fat fucking Bull-cock in your tight little ass!"

Ugh, next The Champion was going to try and force a fucking fursuit onto Zabuza. If he did, there was going to be serious resistance and quite possibly some biting. There were a lot of lines he crossed when he died – a lot more than when he was alive, surprisingly – but roleplay with costumes? No. Not happening.

Not happening in this life or the fucking next.

"We should start all of our mornings this way." Naruto mused as he sat in a reclining chair on his hotel room's balcony with Loona on his lap, his arms around her waist and his chin resting atop her head. They were just finished with cleaning up after being tied together and now just enjoying each other's presence. Well, he was enjoying her presence and he was pretty sure she felt the same way given the Vibes he could taste.

"Mm-hm." Her hum had him crack his eyes open and look down. Her attention was glued to her phone and she absently scrolled through her alerts. A lot of jargon and terms he didn't understand, nor really wish to, floated by with each flick of her thumb. He felt the urge to go through his phone, but it was dead when he retrieved it. Which made sense, considering he thought he saw a light on the night before. No matter, he closed his eyes and rumbled slightly. He could just enjoy the slight breeze and his girlfriend's sweet Vanilla scent.

"Oh, shit."

Or not.

"What, Loon?"

"I...I think we made a sex tape."

"...What?" Naruto opened his eyes and looked back down at her phone and–Yep, sure enough, there was his girlfriend grinding on his face. Huh, not a bad angle. Her boobs looked great at this angle...alright, they looked great at any angle. Unlike the stupid dick that ruined the shot for him. ...Oh, right, that was his. Huh, weird how distance can make you think about things differently.

"We made a sex tape." Loona repeated, her vibes now a thicker sweet taste in the air Amusement and Pride high among them. She tilted her head, rubbed her scalp into his jaw which restarted his subtle rumble, and huffed. "Or, technically you did."

"How?"

"Your phone. Your account." She pointed at her screen. "See? The watermark in the top corner is your username. You must still have the 'Streaming' quick-access active on your phone."

"But...My phone's dead?" He frowned. She turned her head to meet his gaze – vibes of Pity and Doubt popped up and left so fast he wasn't sure he actually tasted them – and then smirked. Her claws came up to scratch his Spot and rational thought took a backseat for a moment. "Hey! Loo-nah!"

"You're so fucking lucky you're cute," she cooed and then planted a kiss on his muzzle. The assault on his Spot came to a stop and she dragged her claws down his muzzle as she looked back at her phone. "Your phone wasn't dead last night. I could've sworn your account was locked, but that might've just been a twenty four hour thing."

"Uh-huh, right..." Brain rebooting, please hold.

"Don't worry about it, Babe." No complaints on his end for that. While his brain recovered from the quick assault on his spot, Loona leaned back on him and tilted her phone to watch the video in full screen. The tip of her tail wagged and she chewed on her lip. His muzzle was scratched again and another light press of lips was planted. "Your ass looks great in this shot."

Oh, yeah, holding her up against the wall was fucking awesome. He had to do that again sometime. Maybe without her legs on his shoulders, though, he was afraid to press too hard and hurt her sexy, curvy hips.

"Well, a really pretty girl once told me that it is a very cute ass, rivaled only by the Violet-Coconut Candy Guy."

"You're such a dick." She huffed half-seriously with her claws falling back to rest over his that held her while the other set held up her phone. Amusement, Serenity, Pride and that sweet F.B.N. Vibe still radiated from her amazing Vanilla scent. He chuckled and tightened his arms around her briefly, then planted his own kiss at the base of her notched ear.

"Alright, I'll ask, is this ...cool?" He asked, eyes opened to look at th–whoa, hey, that's hot. He wondered what his sexy girlfriend looked like as she ground on his knot while he played with her boobs. Shit, that felt great and it sped up his recovery time for round two; definitely something they had to repeat.

Wait...How many denizens saw this? He wasn't sure if he was comfortable with having his girlfriend exposed like this...or was that just instincts? Might just be instinct. Loona didn't seem embarrassed – sniff, sniff – nope, not embarrassed in the slightest. Mostly...proud?

"Is what cool?"

"This. Us having a sex-tape."

"You fucking serious? The second your phone is charged I'm tagging myself in it." Loona growled and the claws on his wrist dug into his arm a bit. "I don't want any fucking look-alike bimbo out there getting any funny ideas."

"You don't want to take it down?" He asked. "Make it private?"

"Why? It's already fucking out there. All anyone can see are my tits. I think?" She pulled a claw from his wrist and traced it along the scrub bar. Geez, that's eight hours of tape? ...Weird, four hours of it was them sleeping. She scrubbed back to where they were. "Yeah, everything else is pretty hidden."

"My dick and balls are kind of on full display." He deadpanned. Not sexy at all. And it made him a little nervous – did his testicles really look like that? Was that normal? Maybe he needed to schedule an appointment with Belle.

"Exactly. It means every wannabe bitch or slut out there knows what my boyfriend's equipment looks like." She smirked as her hand dropped to twine with one of his again. She let her head roll back on his shoulder and kissed the base of his ear before she whispered. "And they can't fucking have it."

One, she had to know how fucking hot it was for her to whisper in his ear like that. If he didn't have a boner in the next ten minutes, it would be an honest to questionably omniscient G-Man miracle.

Two, was it normal for him to not like the way it was phrased because it was a little – ...Dehumanizing? ...De-demonizing? ...De-demonizing. – de-demonizing? Because...he didn't really like it. He understood, don't misunderstand, but he didn't like it.

"So, it's a territory thing."

"Basically, yeah." Loona hummed and nipped his ear once more before she looked back at the video. Okay, she had to know he was getting aroused from this. And as much as he'd love to repeat their week before their month-long separation, he did have some things he wanted to do with her today. ...Other than sex, obviously.

"Alright." He rumbled and huffed as something amusing came to mind. His lips pulled up into a small smirk. "Does that mean it's something else I can put on my job adverts? Y'know, 'I can make clones, blow shit up, and I post amazing sex videos'–Oomph!"

Right, his Hellhound girlfriend had wicked elbows.

"Bad joke."

"Got it." He wheezed.

"Put your chin on my shoulder."

"...Is this a setup?"

"Post-sex night pic. Gotta address some followers and diffuse any rumors."

"Got it."

He leaned forward and ignored the slight discomfort in his neck as he hunched to rest his head lower. Thankfully, she moved the shoulder up a bit when her arm lifted to wrap up around the back of his head, which relieved some of the strain in his neck. Her cheek pressed against his and he rumbled in appreciation. He tightened his arms again and absently scented her Vibes.

They were tarnished by sour and bitter things like Nerves, Doubt, Guilt – Nope, this was gonna be a shit picture if he let her take it this way. A second before she took the picture, he twisted his head and pushed his lips to her cheek. Her scent became stronger and her Vibes' sour tint were overwhelmed by Surprise, Joy, Pride, Gratitude and the sweet F.B.N. Vibe.

"Ass." Loona's grumble was so believable, what with her cute little smile in place, her ears glowing bright red and her tail wagging into him. She kept her eyes firmly averted and locked on her phone as she posted the picture he 'ruined'.

"Your ass." He kissed her ear, pulled back and furrowed his brow. "...That didn't sound as good out loud."

"What? My ass?" She snorted. "Yeah, it's nothing special."

"Your ass is perky and tight." He smirked and his tail wriggled into the chair. "Makes me want to just take a bite out of it."

"You will never fucking let me live that night down, will you?"

"Nope." Naruto tilted her head toward him and they shared a Boop. He smiled as she set her phone on her lap and turned the Boop into a nice, fun game of tonsil hockey.

Needless to say, it was a good morning.

The sun crept into her eye, magnified by the window, and she groaned in agony. She pulled her pillow onto her head and peeked through a crack. Ugh, fucking Wrath's sun was unbearable. She pointed her fingers at the window.

"Esolc eht sniatruc."

The curtains closed and she was plunged back into darkness. Good, she could go back to sleep in peace. Hopefully without the weird ass dreams that watching that livestream last night caused. She got maybe two minutes of relief before the door was opened and a servant pitter-pattered in. She cracked an eye open when she felt a presence beside her face – oh, it was just Itachi. She rolled to her other side and told him to go away. Eloquently and coherently.

"Grhmfoharn."

In her head.

She told him to go away, eloquently and coherently in her head. It was too early to actually speak normal...she was lucky to know some light telekinetic magic that didn't need heavy thought.

"Indeed." Itachi drawled. He stepped away and Octavia foolishly – so foolish was she – to think Itachi wouldn't take his revenge against her for her big fat mouth the night before. "Time to greet the morning, Princess."

The curtains were drawn open once more, and she was blinded.

"No-o-oh! Why!?" She groaned and covered her eyes with her pillow again. The morning sucked. Her life sucked. Everything sucked. Her parents sucked the most, though. They weren't even sharing a room – let alone a fucking wing in the manor – and they still found a way to have a fight that she couldn't escape!

Apparently, her father brought his fuck-toy Imp into the manor, which sullied their prestige further or something ridiculous. Her mother found out and a good portion of the night was spent with them trying to out-do one another in sexual energy. That combined with the confusing dreams she had after watching the stream of her former bodyguard and the Hellhound that was way out of his league – she was happy for him on some level, they were pretty cute – having sex did not leave her well rested.

Although, she wondered who the unlucky sod was that her mother bedded–

"Octy! Wake up! Octy! Wake up! Octy! Wake up!"

Her thoughts derailed when her room's door slammed open and a sudden weight exploded onto her stomach. Well, whatever hope Octavia had of returning to sleep was dashed once that happened. Side note: she needed to work on some sort of intangibility, next. She couldn't breath with whatever it was that was atop her.

"Octy! Wake up! Octy! Wake up! Octy! Wake up!"

"...I think my ribs are broken..." Octavia wheezed.

"I believe they are merely bruised, Princess."

Fucking– Itachi! He was not allowed to be amused right now! She just got attacked and he didn't do anything! ...Because he's an Imp...Right. ...Whatever, her fucking point stands!

"Miss Satina!" Oh, right, that was the name of their hostess' daughter that had just assaulted her. Her Imp – ...Caretaker? ...Nanny? ...Babysitter? ...Babysitter – babysitter slid into the room "Satina! We do not barge into Princesses' bedchambers uninvited – I'm so sorry, Princess! – let alone jump on them!"

"It's fine. I needed to get up anyway." She glared sideways at Itachi, who folded his hands behind his back. She sat up and Satina slid down to her lap with a giggle. The teenager glowered at the giggling girl before she smirked and snatched her up. Oomph, heavy! Mistakes were made!

"Ha! Your face looks like my Daddy when he tries to pick me up!" Satina giggled. Octavia blinked. Really? Was she the bastard child of one of her uncles? None of them were all that physically strong, either. Satina leaned forward and stroked her plumage on her cheek. "Soft! I wanna grow feathers as pretty as yours."

...Okay, yeah, this kid? She was growing on her a bit.

"Miss Satina, get back over he–!" Despite not being aimed at herself, Octavia flinched at the hiss and tightened her hold on Satina. A swift clatter of footsteps found the Imp babysitter on the other side of her door. "Wha–Mister Itachi–?"

"There's no harm. Go along and assist the rest of the staff with their duties, I'll watch over the young madam for the day."

"But–!"

"I must insist that you leave." Itachi's hand, still behind his back, twitched and–Where the fuck was he hiding that knife?! Octavia added something else to the list of things she needed to ask her enigmatic friend/servant/confidant about. She could imagine the gentle smile on his face. "The Princess is in no state to entertain visitors other than Miss Satina at the moment."

"I must pro–!"

"Thank you for your understanding." The ponytailed Imp closed the door and slipped the knife back up into his sleeve. He turned around and took one step back, firmly blocking the door with his body. He smiled at them before he closed his eyes. "Princess, you may wish to use the time to dress for the day."

"...Thank you, Itachi." Octavia smiled at him and then looked down at Satina. "Uh...want to help me get dressed?"

Oh fuck. Eyes should not sparkle like that and children should not have smiles that pure.

Uh, yes? Yep. Ah-huh. Yes, it was official.

If anything happened to this child, Octavia would kill anyone in the immediate vicinity and then herself.

As much as Loona would have fucking loved to spend the rest of her days monopolizing her boyfriend in his hotel room, he had stuff he supposedly wanted to do with her.

Not of the sexual variety, unfortunately.

So, wearing the same clothes as what she wore the day before, she followed him as they walked through the little hick town the Harvest Moon Festival was being set up in. As when they walked down the boardwalk on Earth, he kept a loose arm around her shoulders to stay close. The only saving grace this time was that he wasn't towering over her like he did when they were in their human forms.

It would be fine if not for the occasional string of conversation their presence stirred up.

"They're all talking about us."

Oh, cool. He said it out loud. Loona crossed her arms and her tail swept behind her once.

"So? Who gives a fuck what they think?"

"Fair." He chuckled before he clammed up again. It'd be better if he would growl or rumble or something. She felt all the Imps' eyes on her and pushed some of her hair out of her face. Fuck, why couldn't they just stay at the hotel and fuck? She didn't want to risk running into Blitzø and ruining her day. Ugh, just the thought of running into him pissed her off.

"Was there a reason we had to come out here?" she growled. If there wasn't, there was going to be an argument. Her boyfriend sniffed the air and then huffed a small laugh. She wondered if that reaction was related to the 'Vibe' thing he and Bee were all about. Before she could ask, he put his lips to her notched ear.

"As much as I would've loved spending the rest of the week fucking you stupid–" He is not fucking allowed to growl like that when he wasn't planning to fuck her stupid! Fuck, it was too hot! – "I need a girl's touch."

Okay, interest piqued. Wait, he said he needed a girl's touch? ...No! He wasn't seriously using her just for what she thought he was, was he? She was torn between being super annoyed and really excited and her tail needed to not wag! Don't do it! Do not wag!

Swoosh-swoosh-swoosh!

Fucking traitor.

"...You need my help..?"

"Clothes shopping, yes." He grinned. "Have you ever noticed how I just wear whatever?"

"Yes." Loona deadpanned. Loose shirts that did nothing to show off his body – unless there were without sleeves – and shorts that just barely highlighted his cute ass.

"...That's my entire wardrobe." Seriously? How–Right, his sister was the Party Animal. "An-n-nd for the coming festival, given my stupid fucking status – and because I made a deal with a certain petty Short King Wannabe – I need something more...wardrobe-y in my wardrobe."

Loona was going to get to pick clothes out for him? A House Demon? She was going to get to pick out clothes for her boyfriend who dressed like he rolled out of bed late for a class at I.O.U.?

Golden fucking opportunity!

"We need to go to Greed." She started to pull him along towards the Ring Transfer Station. She was going to dress her boyfriend up and every fucking one would know he was hers.

"Yeah, I figured you'd say that–Hold up." Naruto pulled her back. His nose pressed into hers before she could protest his supposed protest. Mm, boyfriend Boop. Was there anything better? ...Maybe Vanilla lattes? He pecked her lips and then pulled his head back. He held up two Sin-Class tickets. Sin-Class got them to the ring in question and, depending on the House it belonged to, would cover most if not all of their expenses. "Why do you think I didn't find you until late last night?"

"...How did you get–? Did Bee–?"

"The Douchifer, actually. Part of that Deal we made." His lip curled and his ear flicked – he was annoyed? ...Well, he was the one that made the deal with The Devil, that's his own fault – before he grinned at her. "I've been reassured that it's good for three days. So one day in Greed, another in Envy, maybe a night in Sloth..."

Greed – Outside of the shithole side of the ring, the upper side where Mammon did most of his business, was a hot shopping area. So many celebrities went there to get top of the line treatment and clothes. And if it wasn't on her dime – or lack thereof...

Envy – The oceanic ring had several island escapes that could rival some of the exotic vacation spots on Earth, if what she heard was right.

Sloth – On the opposite side of the fucking hospitals were the snowy mountain ranges of Sloth. Not ideal, but there were many stories in some of her magazines of couples' ventures to the lodges built among them.

"Fucking shit." That was, like, every Hellborn's dream romantic getaway. Wrapped up in one trip. "...What exactly did you agree to?"

He deflated with an animated groan.

"After I win the tournament or forfeit the last match or something, I dunno, I wasn't focused on that part." Wasn't focused on–? All of Wrath was going to be watching! This is something he needed to know! She gave him an unimpressed stare and he shrugged. "What? I don't care if I win this Elysium thing with skill or because it's fixed. I have to babysit Stolas during the fucking Harvest Moon. For fucking free."

Ooh, forced exposure to her da–to Blitzø's fuck buddy? Yeah, that sucks.

"...Wow, he really bent you over a barrel."

"I fucking know, right?" Naruto sighed and then shook it off by plastering another grin on his face. "But that's Saturday's problem! We got three days paid on the Douchifer's soul, so let's get this vacation date started!"

Vacation Date? ...Yeah, Loona's down.

She grinned and pulled him in for another Boop – mm-hm, yeah, Boops might just be better than Vanilla Lattes – before she broke away and pulled him toward the RTS. Given he was 'dragging' her along, she planned the first day out in her head. The first store they were hitting up was the outlet for Stylish Occult – she needed new clothes if they were going to be away from Wrath for an extended amount of time.

AN: Bum-bum, bum-bum-bum, bum-bum – Vacation, 's all I ever wanted, vacation! Got to get away – Jesus fuck, Steve, I told you to knock whenever this door was closed! ...What do you fucking want?! ...Wh–What about–Hold o–Slow–SHUT THE FUCK UP! Thank you. Now, slowly and coherently, if you don't fucking mind!

...Yeah, I know. The fleas. The kitten's been cleaned. ...They don't fucking need context for that! ...Ugh, fine, but you're not getting a fucking cracker tomorrow!

So yeah, there was a bit of a delay today because we rescued a kitten…

It was covered in fleas…

Just thinking about it makes me itch.

I must go bathe in fire again.

DEUCES

Remember, it's just fucking Fan-Fiction