Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, just the Gushikan family.

Chapter 12~ Memorial

I didn't stay in the hospital long after I named Usagi. I actually was supposed to stay another week but a mere day later my dad was pulling me from my hospital bed while a nurse ranted about how I needed rest and possibly a therapist.

We walked out of the hospital and was instantly met by a wave of sad faces, quiet condolences, and gentle nods. However, dad and I being Gushikans meant we basically ignored most of these and kept cool faces as we walked home.

As soon as it was realized we weren't really grieving the sad faces turned angry. Thus the whispers began.

"Look at them! They don't even look sad! I bet their happy."

"I heard the daughter destroyed her moms corpse. Not a shimmer of guilt!"

"What if they planned it?"

I froze mid step and looked at the old women who said the last one.

We made eye contact as I clenched my fist so hard my finger nails cut into the palms of my hands.

Dads hand found my shoulder and he began to drag me home. While the old croon just smirked at me.

After we got out of ear shot of the general population I exploded.

"How dare that old wind bag say something so offensive!"

Dad flinched and sighed. "Calm down Takara, people will always talk."

"Calm down?! They are saying horrible things about us and mom! They have no right at all to say such accusations!"

He nodded slowly. "I know you're fired up but please think about what would happen if you burst out like that to a citizen. You could be in a lot of trouble and shame our family. A lose lose situation. So please try to bite your tongue for me, and the legacy you'll give to Usagi. "

I groaned and rubbed my face. "Okay dad, for you and Usa-chan." I pause and drift into thought before starting up again.

"Dad was it really alright to name Usa-chan without a T?"

He nodded again and glanced at me.

"Do you understand what it means to be born two months early?"

I shrugged, "He's smaller and his organs aren't perfect. He's probably going to need to stay in the hospital for a long time. Also we share a birthday." I smiled at the last one.

Dad agreed but then looked more serious. "His immune system is also very weak and it's likely he'll never be super tall or thick like me due to being sickly. I think it's the most reasonable option... If we didn't encourage a ninja career for him. It's in his best interest "

I furrowed my brows and tilted my head. "But what if he wants to be a ninja?"

My dad gave me a gentle smile. "If he's strong enough to defend himself and his comrades then he can be a ninja. For now we should let him pick his own path."

I nodded, "Okay dad, no problem." However I couldn't help but pity my brother a little. So young and his life is already being decided for him.

I hesitate as I walk and couldn't help but give an airy laugh that dad quirked an eyebrow at. Not a few days ago I was still furious about my life being laid out for me and now all I care about is what will happen to Usagi. Moms right, everything did change.

With that we finally reached the house and walked up the porch.

Dad hand reached for the door nob, but then he froze. I stared at him expectingly but he only moved his hand away from the door. He had a look of pain so severe on his face I myself could feel it.

"I- I haven't gone into the house since I found out she died." He looked away from me and rubbed his beard with his hand.

I glanced at the door and slowly raised my hand to the door nob and set it on it. I closed my eyes. I could imagine it.

The smell of the miso soup she cooked to make me smile, her giggling at the jokes she made in her own head that she would tell us at dinner. The way she smiled and blushed when she hugged dad. How she held my hand and always smelled of lilac and love. I opened my eyes and stared at the white door in front of me. I couldn't turn the nob either. If I went inside and she wasn't there...

Dads hand closed around my own on the door nob. We stared at each other and wordlessly opened the door together.

We stepped in.

"We're home!" I yelled out.

I was met with silence. No soup on the stove. No giggling in the kitchen. No blushing mom coming to hug dad. No lilac. The house was cold, and a little dusty.

My eyes got a little moist and dad set his trembling hand on my head.

I didn't turn to look at him, he would feel ashamed if I saw him crying.

My throat was clenched as we stood there for minutes, taking it all in.

"I'll go start dinner." I said quietly, voice cracking. I waited a minute more and his hand fell off my head.

I walked alone into the

unforgivingly cold kitchen and looked around helpless. Most of the food had gone bad so I pulled out a few cups of instant ramen and heated them up. We ate quietly and afterward dad left to train. I would start up training tomorrow.

I slowly walked up stairs and opened the door to Usagi's room.

I bypassed everything and walked to the painting. I had finished it quickly after I had found my muse.

I raised my hand and pressed it to moms hand print. It was so much larger than mine but she was so young. I heard the door open behind me and I spun around, expecting to see her there, but of course it wasn't.

"What are you doing here?" I asked bluntly while Sasuke shrugged.

"I heard you made it home so I wanted to see if you're still in one piece."

I shrugged back and held up my right hand. "I was in surgery for three hour while they put my ligaments and muscles back together, I hope I'm not missing any pieces. Although I guess we won't know until the wrap is removed."

He flinched at my bluntness and glanced at my hand. We made eye contact and depression and tiredness floated around in his eyes.

"I'm sorry about your mom. She was a great women, I respected her a lot." His voice cracked.

I nodded stiffly, "Thank you, I'm sure she'd be happy to hear that." He stiffly nodded back.

There is so much awkward in the air.

He cleared his throat. "And the baby?"

"Baby Usagi, a little boy. Kinda healthy but the doctors worried he also has trauma from the incident. He probably won't be leaving the hospital for a month or two. Until he's cleared of injury and weighs at least five pounds."

Sasuke nodded and then sighed.

"Why is this so much harder then I thought it would be. I just wanted to check on you but the air is so thick and depressing I could choke."

I twitched and my gaze darkened. "Oh course it's depressing, I just lost my mom!" I snapped.

His eyes soften a tiny bit and the sadness in his eyes deepened but he crosses his arms.

"Well try not to mope forever! I know your mom would hate that." He turned and walked out.

I glared angrily at the door and waited until I heard the front door

Slam shut. I grunted and scoffed in an enraged tone.

"Wait... How did he get into my house?"

I waited hours sitting in moms reading chair for dad.

He eventually came home around one in the morning. He looked shocked to see me but wordlessly sat down on the couch. We sat in silence, not an awkward one though.

He finally cleared his throat and nodded towards the stairs.

"Today is a big day, you should get some sleep." I nodded back and started to walk upstairs.

"Takara."

I stopped and looked back at him. He looked pained, like he wanted to say something important, something that I'd never forget...

But... His eyes looked away from mine like he was regretting stopping me.

"Do you need to go shopping before the funeral?"

I nodded noiseless and walked upstairs. I crawled into my bed

but didn't sleep.

I stared at the ceiling for what seemed to be hours.

I watched the light slowly edge into my room and then flood it.

I got up and made dad and my breakfast. He had left again though so I put it in the fridge and found some money for my clothes.

I walked to the store and began to look for clothes that would match the Gushikan traditions.

Women and girls in my family are supposed to wear black long dresses and a black veil over our faces do that no one would see if we cry, that way we are still strong.

I eventually found a dress and veil, I sighed depressed.

This is wrong, she shouldn't had died. I was right there, why couldn't I run faster and not get hurt. If that happened she wouldn't be dead. If... If I hadn't asked to see the cell... She wouldn't be dead... It's my fault.

I stopped in the middle of the street. People pushed past me unconcerned. My heart thumped so loud I practically vibrated with every beat.

"It's my fault." I said aloud.

The tears began to build and I reached my hands up to my cheeks. I could feel my face turn red and the tears began to descend from my eyes.

Suddenly a cloth was throw over my face and I could feel someone, someone with a small hand like mine, grab my hand and begin to pull me from the crowd. They dragged me at a running pace for a minute or two before stopping and I thumping into their back and fell on the ground.

"Shikamaru! You can't just stop suddenly!" Chojis voice scolded.

The cloth was pulled from my face to reveal the two. The cloth had been Chojis scarf. At seeing my face they both quickly glanced around and sighed.

"It's okay Takara. You can actually cry now. You don't have to hold it in." Choji said softly and pulled a hanky out of his pocket and gently pressed it into my hand.

I stared blankly at them and pressed it to my face to discover it was wet with tears.

I paled and Shikamaru quickly waved his hands at me. "No no no, it's okay! We covered your face before anyone saw your tears. Your clans pride is still there."

I breathed in and forced a smile. "Thank you."

They glanced at each other before sitting on the ground with me.

"We heard you say it's your fault."

I blinked at them and finished wiping my face. "Well it is. I can't really deny it."

Choji shook his head dramatically and wrapped me in a hug. "No Takara! It's not your fault, I'm sure you just feel that way because you're sad."

But Shikamaru stared at me and crossed his arms. "Ok, it's your fault. What are you going to do now."

"Shikamaru!" Choji scolded.

However I just sat there, thinking it over.

'Now what do I do?'

I stood up startling the two.

"Where are you going?" Shikamaru calmly asked. I stoically looked over to him.

"I'm going to see my brother and then go to the memorial like a proper Gushikan."

Then I turned and walked to the hospital, avoiding the eyes of those who despise my clan and those who wish to call it mean things. I got there and signed a few forms before being led upstairs to a special baby unit for those who are sick or injured. I was brought to a window and looked at my baby brother, he was in a metal machine to keep him safe from bacteria.

"How is he?" I asked the nurse.

"Not very well. It's a good thing you were able to hold him because it might be a long time before you can hold him again. He has a fever."

I could feel the blood drain from my face as I pressed against the window to stare at Usagi.

"We are trying to manage it but it's quite severe. He was born much too early. It's lucky his lungs were developed enough for him to survive but his liver, kidneys and stomach are weak. At this rate it will be months before he can have physical contact with another person."

I couldn't say anything back at first while I stared at him but I finally tore my eyes away to look at the nurse.

"What are his chances for survival?" The nurse gave me a pitying look.

"At the current moment..." She looked like she didn't want to say it. "Approximately 49%"

My breath caught in my throat. Less than 50% that he would live.

"Beep! beep! beep! beep!" I froze and paled as I turned to look through the glass.

He was shaking, immediately a bunch of nurses appeared next to him and were caring for him. The nurse with me grabbed my wrist as I began to move towards the door to his room. "No! Stop! He's fine!"

I look at her with a stern glare. "Fine?! He's having a seizer!" I yelled and then pressed myself to his window.

"Calm down Gushikan-san, he is having a febrile seizer. It's caused by his fever. At the moment he is not in any real danger."

His body was already resting again and one of the nurses in the room have me a thumbs up.

"Febrile seizer?" I questioned.

"Yes, it does not effect the brain and is not harmful. He is fine."

I look and her with a face full of shock.

"How-how many of those has he had?"

She looked away from me. "Quite the number, his fever is... Very bad."

"What caused the fever?" I whispered.

"He has some sort of infection, but since he can't tell us what hurts we are having quite the time trying to figure out what's wrong."

I stared at his little body as it hopped with his breath. I narrowed my eyes as I stared and then turned to the nurse.

"I know you said his lungs were fine but doesn't it look like he's coughing and having a hard time breathing?"

She looked to him too and after a moment asked me to leave. I was stunned and confused as she and other nurses pushed me out and I could hear one of them speaking quickly into a radio.

I stood outside the hospital wordless and went home.

I got dressed and put on the black veil. The memorial was in only an hour.

Dad was home and dressed when I got here. He, like me, did not take the info on Usagi condition well and is currently sitting on the couch polishing Yang in a very melancholy way.

I came downstairs and we breifly made eye contact before he got up and we left.

The memorial was being held at the KIA stone. The walk there was silent at first but then dad set a hand on my head.

"Please understand that due to customs of our family, I won't be making a speech. It's not because I'm not sad or that I don't want too. It's just how it's always been."

I nodded at him and after checking no one is around I hugged him tightly and he hugged me back.

"I understand dad. That's just how it's supposed to be."

I released him and we finally arrived at the training field. There was a large number of chairs set up when we got there, we slowly made our way to the stone where moms name was carved in.

I brushed my fingers on it and could feel the immense depression I had on my shoulders.

Dad gently sat a hand on my shoulder and then squeezed it in a comforting way.

We then walked to the very back row of chairs and waited for the guests to arrive.

In typical mourning fashion the guests would bow to us, tell us their sorrow and then take a seat after we bow back at them.

Right on the dot people began to show up. The first wave of people were colleagues of mom.

Each one was oddly pale and seemed to say the same thing. "If I had been there with her I would had gladly taken her place."

After them Anko showed up. She was in typical mourning garb and was crying to the point of blubbering, unable to really convoy anything and went to sit down.

Then fathers colleagues arrived, all of them pat dads shoulder before walking in. Barely saying a word but when I looked at dad he seemed touched by their presence, so I said nothing.

Right in the middle of the line of people to say sorry was the Hokage. When he got two us, instead of saying he was sorry for our loss he simply pulled me into a stiff hug and then set a firm hand on dads shoulder.

We bowed extra low for him.

Right behind him were my friends.

Naruto was blubbering and hugged me tight while Kiba, Shikamaru, and Choji quietly said sorry and bowed to us.

Then Sasuke, he looked heart broken as he quickly went through the ritual and sat down.

Finally the line was withering down, all that was left was some citizens. A lot of them I didn't even recognize... but one of them I did.

My blood began to boil and I clenched my teeth together and forced a neutral look on my face.

It was the woman for the other day. The one who accused us of planning moms death.

She stood in front of us with a smile as she said sorry and bowed to us.

After a moment I began to bow back, but dad set a hand on my shoulder to stop me. I looked up at him and his face was stoic but his eyes were enraged.

"As head of the Gushikan family I respectfully ask you to vacate this training field as you are not welcome durning this memorial."

The woman looked shocked and angry as she argued back. "I though this clan accepts anyone."

"We-we do!" I stuttered back.

I glanced at dad and he nodded at me to continue.

"However you have done nothing but disrespect our family, especially our recently departed. Therefore we politely ask you to leave."

The women looked flustered and displeased but finally left.

We eventually got through the rest of the line and made our way to the front two seats.

We continued to sit stoically as moms friends came up and told stories making the crowd aww, laugh, and cry. I held it in the best I could.

Eventually it got to the point of people asking dad to talk but he refused time and time again.

The whispers began again in the back.

"What a horrible husband."

"He won't even grieve."

"Disgusting"

I stood up and the room went silent as I walked to the podium where people had been talking.

I looked over the crowd and my throat clenched in fear. I sweated a little and I felt hazy.

Ok maybe I have two fears.

My eyes caught Narutos and he gave me a thumbs up.

I breathed in and then began.

"My mother was an amazing women who conquered many obstacles in her life. She deserves nothing but the greatest of praise when being talked about. She taught me many things as I grew, academically and philosophically. I respected her with my entire being and will never stop in my goal to take back the title head of the torture and interrogation unit for the Gushikan family. That is all."

I turned and sat down next to dad again who gave me a short nod.

I sat straight and kept a calm face while I freaked out inside, instantly regretting my decision to call myself the new head of the T&I devision.

What if I don't even pass and be a genin?! I'm just setting myself up for embarrassment!

The rest of the memorial passed quickly, dad and I went home after walking to the cemetery to really visit mom.

I had never been to her grave before...

When we arrived home dad only took the time to change out of his clothes and walk out the door for training.

I stared at the door for a minute after it closed and I could really feel the loneliness. It felt like I was choking in it.

The memorial was nice, people really seemed to care about mom.

It's a shame I killed her.

"It's your fault and always will be."

Was whispering around in my head.

I groaned in pain because my hand was aching again but when I looked down... My hands were covered in blood.

I screamed and fell to the floor. I tried to wipe the blood off on my dress but it wouldn't even wipe away.

I could feel the tears begin to prick in my eyes when the door was throw open and dad was standing there.

He looked extremely concerned and immediately ran and fell to his knees next to me.

"Takara? What wrong?" He was trying to be calm but I could see the fear in his eyes as he clamped his large hands around mine so I couldn't see the blood.

"The blood... It's back! It's moms blood." I whispered starring at my covered hands.

Dad didn't say anything but hugged me.

"Takara, is it true? Do you think this is your fault?"

I nodded against him. "No Takara. No matter how much you must think, this was never your fault. It was your moms decision to bring you to her work."

"But-but I asked her to go into the cells." I stuttered but he just shook his head.

"No Takara, the night before your mom told me she was going to take you through the entire prison. She was always going to take you down there."

I shook my head back and forth and my voice began to crack.

"Nooo, it is my fault! I didn't run fast enough, I couldn't save her, I was completely useless."

Dad tenses up.

"Stop that."

I stopped shaking my head and looked at him. His eyes were icy and serious.

"Takara Gushikan, you were struck down before you even had a chance to take a step. That man was a trained shinobi. He was leagues faster than you. You may be able to run as fast as a genin now but that man was a level above a jonin, in this village he would had been in the Anbu. There was nothing you could do to fight him. He would had killed you if you went against him, then he would had killed your mom and brother and I would be all alone.

Takara through that entire situation you did everything right. You were just too young to save her. There was nothing you could do. Are you listening to me? It was NOT your fault. The man who killed her is at fault. It was never you and I will never believe it was you, neither will Usagi."

He raised his voice with every word. As if he was pounding it into my brain.

He grab me harshly by the shoulders and held me firmly. "You were useful. You saved your brother and that's all you could have done. Takara I want to hear you say it's not your fault. Because it's not."

I gulped the lump in my throat down and said hoarsely.

"It's-it's not my fault. I didn't kill my mom. It was never my fault. I did everything I could."

At that moment it didn't matter if my dad was lying to me, all I understood was that if my dad could look me in the eye and say such a thing... Then it must be true.

And the blood on my hands finally evaporated, for good this time.

Soon after that we ate a meal together, the first meal he had eaten that day I think, and then dad went to sleep. On the couch though, he still didn't want to sleep in his bed without mom.

I was exhausted, I barely made it upstairs before collapsing in bed were I came to a grim discovery.

"Why can't I sleep now!" I yelled quietly.

I laid and stared at the ceiling as an hour passed. Finally I got up from bed and went to my parents room.

"Dad must still be on the couch" I mumbled as I crawled into my parents bed.

It smelled like lilacs.

Like mom.

I hadn't realized my heart was pounding so madly until I smelt that calming flower and my heart rate went down. I felt at ease, like mom was there and tucking me into bed.

I laid where she usually did and snuggles into the pillow, that's when I realized there was a weird lump in it.

I reached into the pillow case and pulled out a stuffed animal, it was too hard to see what it was so I turned on the bedside lamp to reveal...

The poodle plushy...

The one mom teased I looked like...

I stared at it, mouth agap in a stoned silence.

I thought I had finally passed the sadness of the loss, but...

I squeezed the small toy to my chest and turned off the light.

I laid there staring at the ceiling, tears pouring out of my eyes as I whimpered quietly.

After telling her off.

After I watched her put it away.

She went back and bought it for herself because it reminded herself of me.

I closed my eyes and I could see her vividly, "Oh Taka-chan! Your so dramatic! But I guess you wouldn't be my daughter if you weren't!"

"Takara... You realized how much I love you right? Well times that by a trillion and that's how much love I actually feel!"

"I want you to realize that we would never leave you unless we really have to. Like last resort."

"Takara, my treasure."

I drifted off while dreaming of mom. When I woke up in the morning dad sitting on his side of the bed, holding me.

He was asleep as well but had dried tear trails going down his face.

"Ume." He breathed and then his eyes opened to see me.

He smiled and patted my head.

"It's a new day curly top, let's make your mom proud!"

I smiled back.

"Of course!" I chirped.

Authors Note:

I'm so so so so so so so so so freaking sorry it's late!

I was just so busy after I got home from camp that I could do barely any writing.

I promise though that the next chapter will be done on time and I'll start working on the next pictures too!

Anyway sorry this chapter was so... Sad? Yup well now that her moms arch is finished everything should be a little more happy... Maybe... I'm sorry for what will happen in the future.

Thanks for reading and have a nice day!

~ToL