A/N: This chapter is a bit shorter than the other two, but I always wondered what Kaidan did while Shepard lie in the Normandy's med bay unconscious for fifteen hours. So this idea unfolded in my mind and I decided to write about it.

Bioware owns all. I'm just playing in their sandbox.

3. Fifteen Hours

Helplessly he watched as his commander hung there levitating in midair, a shrill shriek disrupting the silence. After what seemed like eternity the beacon exploded and Shepard was flung to the ground. Hard. He tore free of Ashleys' grip and rushed to Shepard. At first he was certain he had killed his commander with his foolish curiosity but he quickly discovered her vitals were fine.

"Radio the Normandy!" he called over his shoulder to Ashley."Tell them the Commander is down!"

He carefully scanned her with his omnitool. Physically everything seemed alright, except for the fact that she was unconscious. He might not have killed his commanding officer but who knew what that beacon had done to her? And it was all his fault. He ran another scan. It should be him laying there. He had been stupid enough to approach an active device of alien origin. It should be him. Was stupidity on this scale enough for a demotion?

"How is she?" Williams asked tentatively.

"No changes. When will the Normandy get here? I want Dr. Chakwas to check her ASAP." He carefully positioned her in the lateral recumbent position. There was nothing else he could do for her right now.

"Ten minutes. The Commander submitted the coordinates of Corporal Jenkins and the Turian when she radioed the Normandy. I guess the recovery team had just touched down at your drop site to get the corporal." Ashley gave him a questioning look, suddenly looking very young and vulnerable. "Sir? What am I going to do now? My whole platoon...everybody is gone. What are my new orders? Hell...I...sorry, sir."

"Don't apologize, Chief. You did nothing wrong. If we had been here earlier...Well, that would have been nigh impossible. I am sorry for your loss. I can't imagine what you're going through. The Commander probably understands. After all, she's been through the same brand of hell." He fell silent. "As the Commander said, you're with us now. And I am sure the Captain will agree."

"How can she understand what I...wait, is she that Shepard? Elysium and Akuze?" Her eyes widened with recognition.

"In the flesh."

"Holy shit! Guess that explains why she is such a force in the field."

They could hear a faint hum in the air, converging on them quickly. A minute later the Normandy touched down and Dr. Chakwas and Captain Anderson came running down the cargo ramp. Kaidan and Ashley both snapped to attention.

"As you were, marines. Alenko, sitrep." Anderson frowned down at the still form of Commander Shepard. The doctor had immediately begun examination.

"The Commander got caught in some sort of energy field from the beacon and when it exploded it tossed her here. I couldn't detect any physical damage, but she is unresponsive. Normal dilation of her pupils. Other than that...I wasn't sure what to do, doc. I figured as she is unconscious it would be best to position her in the lateral recumbent position until you arrive." Kaidan had turned towards the doctor as soon as he began his medical report. Now he turned back to the captain. Better get this over with quickly, he thought. "Sir, this is my fault. I ventured to close to the beacon and the Commander had to push me out of the way. I should have kept my distance as soon as I realized the beacon was active."

The captain held up his hand to silence Kaidan.

"Is it safe to move her, doctor?" he inquired.

"It is. The Lieutenant is right. Physically she seems fine. We can move her to the med bay."

Anderson turned to Kaidan again, but his eyes lingered on Ashley for a second. She hesitated. Kaidan cleared his throat and continued speaking.

"This is Gunnery Chief Ashley Williams of the 212. Her entire unit was obliterated by the geth. Without her I doubt if we would have made it to the beacon, sir. She has been a real asset for the mission."

"Thank you, Lieutenant. We will continue this conversation in my office. Chief, I will contact Alliance brass concerning your further posting. For the time being, welcome on the Normandy." Anderson returned aboard, leaving them to follow. Meanwhile two other crew mates had put Shepard on a stretcher under the careful scrutiny of the doctor and were carrying her to the medbay.

Once aboard Kaidan gave Ashley a short overview of the Normandy. He told her to get some BDUs from the requisitions officer and showed her where she could stow her gear. As soon as Williams was settled he stripped out of his armor and dressed in his BDU, running the report he now had to give the captain through his mind. He really wanted to check the med bay to see how Shepard was doing but it was his duty to report to the Captain first. It took the elevator ages to reach the crew deck. Kaidan shook his head. A state-of-the-art warship and it had an elevator to go down one deck. And said elevator was so slow that, were there a staircase as alternative, everybody would use the stairs instead. Kaidan was sure of that. Unfortunately, there were no stairs from the crew deck down to engineering. This was one of the few things Kaidan thought the designers of the Normandy had screwed up on.

He stepped out of the elevator and instead of heading to the comm room for the post-mission debrief he went to Anderson's office located on the starboard side of the crew deck. He knocked.

"Come in!" Anderson's voice rang out sharply. Kaidan straightened his uniform and stepped through the door.

"What the hell happened down there, Lieutenant?"

Kaidan embarked on his report, trying to recall as many details as possible. He faltered slightly when he came to the demise of Coporal Jenkins and then explained the adjustments he had made in order to be better prepared for the remainder of the mission. The captain nodded and motioned for him to continue. He explained how they had encountered Williams and said he thought she would make a good addition to the team. Kaidan took a deep breath before going on. His voice was flat as he told about the spikes with the impaled victims, turning them into zombie-like husks. It sounded like something from a bad horror movie in his ears. If he hadn't seen it himself he probably wouldn't have believed it. From the frown on Anderson's face he was having trouble doing so, but he didn't interrupt Kaidan.

Kaidan continued, reporting the survivors they had found and where they had stumbled across Nihlus' body. He told the Captain everything Powell had told him and now the Captain interrupted him for the first time.

"Saren? Are you sure the other Turians name was Saren?"

"Yes sir. I'm positive."

The frown on Anderson's face deepened and he bid Kaidan to continue. Kaidan was slowly drawing to the end of his report. He mentioned the different kinds of geth they encountered and the demolition charges that had been set up. Finally he came to the part of his report he had dreaded. The beacon. He unconsciously rubbed the back of his neck before going on.

"After eliminating all hostiles we arrived at the beacon. The Commander radioed the Normandy, confirming the beacon was secure. Gunnery Chief Williams and I stepped closer to the beacon, which appeared to be glowing with a greenish sheen. Williams stated the beacon hadn't been doing anything like that before. She then returned to the Commander. I slowly advanced and had just activated my omnitool to check the readings from the beacon when I felt myself being dragged towards it. As much as I struggled, I couldn't stop." He faltered. "Then there was a sudden impact as the Commander tossed me out of the way. I landed on my back and when I managed to get up again I saw Shepard being pulled towards the beacon and levitated into midair. She hung there like on a crucifix for, I don't know, a minute tops, I would say. Then the beacon exploded, my guess is a system overload, and the Commander was tossed to the ground. I rushed over to check her vitals and ordered Williams to contact the Normandy."

"Thank you, Lieutenant. I expect your written report for the brass soon. And Lieutenant? Stop feeling guilty about what happened at the beacon. If you hadn't approached it, somebody else would have. Probably Shepard herself. Dismissed."

Kaidan saluted and went to the mess. He felt a headache coming on, induced through the use of his biotics and not having eaten anything for too many hours. He hoped that grabbing a bite would enough and he wouldn't need to get his medication against migraines. Of course that would be a good excuse to go to the med bay. He hesitated. Just at that moment his stomach growled. Okay, food first. For one thing he could write his report while he was eating.

Kaidan was surprised when the mess sergeant held out a plate to him. He had expected to just grab an energy bar, not real food. Well, as real as it got on an Alliance warship. He thanked the mess sergeant, taking the plate and went to sit at the table. He stared at the food on his plate, lost in thought. He didn't notice that Ashley had also gotten something to eat and had made her way to the table.

"LT? Mind if I sit?" Ashley's question jerked him back to reality.

"Sure, Chief. Go ahead."

They lapsed into silence, both picking at the food on their plates. Kaidan knew he really should eat. His body desperately needed to replenish the calories he had burned of using his biotics on Eden Prime. Apart from that the pain behind his eyes was intensifying.

"I see it's the same Alliance mystery meat here as well." Ashley frowned at the meat, prodding it with her fork.

"What did you expect, Chief? Real meat? Anyway, I've had worse. This stuff is almost edible." Kaidan raised an eyebrow. "I even get a double helping, aren't I lucky?"

Ashley grinned at him. "I'm not sure that qualifies as lucky, LT."

"Me neither, Chief, me neither."

Kaidan turned his attention back to the report he had to finish. Re-reading what he had written so far he exhaled audibly. Kaidan wasn't one to swear much but in this case he had to agree with what Shepard had said on Eden Prime. What a complete and utter clusterfuck. He realized Ashley was staring at him.

"Something wrong, Chief?" he didn't really feel like talking right now but he sensed Ashley needed to. "I'm sorry, but I would like to finish the mission report. I'm not the best company right now."

"Listen, LT, I know you're blaming yourself for Shepard ending up in the sickbay but you shouldn't. Sure, it wasn't the smartest thing to do..."

He rolled his eyes. "Why, thank you, Chief. I feel so much better now."

"My pleasure." Ashley completely ignored the sarcasm dripping from his voice. "Somebody was going to have to get close to the beacon if it was supposed to be brought aboard, right? You consider that, LT, before playing the blame game with yourself."

"I..." he began. "You're right, Ash. I know that. I just keep seeing her floating in the air, unable to help. I hate it when I feel helpless and I..."

"Worry. And feel guilty."

"Exactly." He looked down. "Listen, thanks for telling me what I already knew. Anderson told me almost the same thing. But if you don't mind I really want to finish this." He tapped the datapad on the table with his fork.

"Sure. Talk to ya later." She picked up her mostly empty plate and waved at him.

Now he could finally finish the dratted report. He had never before had someone under his direct command die and as head of the marine detail Jenkins had been his, so to speak. He had to fill out an Alliance form concerning Jenkin's death in the field yet, too. Just writing what happened in his report wasn't enough. Of course not, let's make our soldiers go through the death of their comrades again and again, he thought cynically. God, why am I complaining? Ash saw her whole platoon die today. How would you deal with that, Alenko? He chastised himself. Shepard had seen civilians and marines die during the Batarian raid on Elysium and then lost her whole unit on Akuze. Who knew what baggage she carried. As his thoughts returned to Shepard, so did his guilt. He knew that both Anderson and Ashley were right, that didn't stop him from feeling guilty, though. He obviously had to learn to compartmentalize yet.

He shook his head and finished eating. After pushing back his plate he retook writing the report for the brass. All in all it took him the better part of an hour. With a final glance to make sure he hadn't forgotten anything vital he sent it to Anderson. Kaidan checked the clock on his omnitool. They had been back on the Normandy for almost three hours now. It should be fine to check on the Commander now, right?

He brought away his dirty dishes and headed to the med bay. He could always tell Dr. Chakwas he needed his medication. And it wouldn't even be a lie. The meal had only subdued his headache shortly. Now it was returning in full force. He focused on his breathing as the first wave of nausea washed over him, barely avoiding being sick.

"Kaidan, I had expected to see you earlier," Dr. Chakwas' British accent greeted him as soon as he entered the med bay. "How is your head?"

"Throbbing, doc," he admitted.

She frowned at him. "You should have come by at the first sign of a migraine, Lieutenant. I take it you had to use your biotics rather excessively during the mission. Or at least more than usual. Lay down on the bunk there. I want to check if you overtaxed your implant."

As he laid down on the bunk next to Shepard's the guilt he felt hit him again like a hammer. He should be lying there, not her. He should be the one unconscious. He could no longer refrain the question burning on his mind the past three hours. "Doc? How is she? Have there been changes?"

The doctor didn't answer right away. She continued her scan undeterred before looking at Shepard shortly and then to him. "No, Kaidan. Everything is as it has been the last three hours. The only thing is an increase in rapid eye movement. Other than that, nothing."

She gave him a sharp look. "Don't worry. I am sure the Commander will pull through. And stop blaming yourself."

"Why does everyone tell me to stop blaming myself?" he demanded as Chakwas injected his medication.

"Because, young man, I have never seen anyone looking so guilty when there was no call for it. Sleep now, Lieutenant. I am sure Shepard will be awake by then."

He could feel his thoughts becoming unfocused and fuzzy as the medication circulated through his veins, easing the pain and nausea. He knew he would be out of it for at least six hours. He closed his eyes and let himself drift off.

It was almost seven hours later when he slowly awoke. Things were still hazy, but at least the migraine was gone. Where was he? Why wasn't he in his pod? Memories of the past day returned, tumbling down on him. He groaned and rubbed a hand over his face. Turning his head to the side he saw Dr. Chakwas standing there looking back over her shoulder as she heard him stir. She turned around.

"Kaidan. How are you?" Without awaiting his answer she ran a quick scan and seemed satisfied.

"Better." He looked over at Shepard. Something was different from yesterday. He looked again. Her hair was no longer in the regulation bun she had worn yesterday. It now fell in soft curls onto her shoulders. He resisted the urge of running his fingers through her hair.

"How is she?"

"Her condition is unchanged, Lieutenant. There isn't anything we can do but wait. I suggest you go have breakfast." Dr. Chakwas nearly ushered him out of the med bay. "You can come and check in again later."

"Am I cleared for duty, doc?"

"Light duty, Kaidan."

He nodded and exited the room. With Shepard still down her duties fell into his responsibility. He powered up his console and began screening todays documents. The only message of immediate importance was the reply from Alliance Command concerning Gunnery Chief Williams transfer from her former groundside posting with the 212 to the Normandy. It had been approved of and Kaidan forwarded the message to Anderson's account. He checked the roster and saw it hadn't been updated yet. Of course not, idiot, he told himself. That is your job after all. He marked Jenkin's name as KIA and added Ashley's name to the marine detail, assigning her to weapons maintenance. She should do well at that and he was pretty sure both Shepard and Anderson would agree. He also sent a copy of the updated roster to Anderson.

"Lieutenant. Good to see you are up and about."

Kaidan lifted his head to see his CO coming his way and stood up to salute, but Anderson waved it off.

"Sir, the brass sent approved of William's transfer. I've forwarded the message to your terminal together with the updated roster. If you prefer, I have the new crew roster here." Kaidan handed over the data pad.

"Very good, Alenko. That looks sound." Anderson nodded as his eyes flicked over the data pad. "I suggest you have some downtime until we reach the Citadel."

"Aye-aye, sir." Great, Kaidan thought. Now I have time to think again. He hated being stood down.

After a short hesitation he decided to give his parents a call. He hadn't even told them of his transfer yet. They still thought he was on shore leave somewhere and would maybe stop by before returning to duty. Yeah, they would probably want to know what he was up to. He quickly checked the time and figured it was safe to go ahead and give it a try. He went up to the comm room, which was empty now. This way he would have at least a little bit of privacy. He dialed the number on his omnitool.

The slightly fuzzy picture of his mom lit up.

"Kai! Baby, it's good to see you! How is your shore leave?" his mom wouldn't let him get a word in edgewise. Maybe he shouldn't have called. "When will you be stopping by? Do you want to talk to Dad? You know, the whole family is here over the weekend..."

"Mom!" Kaidan finally managed sharply. "About that, I won't be coming. I've been reassigned. We're heading for the Citadel right now and I don't know where we'll be going after that. I'm not on shore leave anymore. Actually, I never even started shore leave. I'm sorry I'll miss everyone. I just have a minutes downtime and thought I'd let you know. And please stop calling me baby!"

"Who is it, Beth?" his dad called from the other room.

"Adam, it's Kai! He's not coming home!" Elizabeth Alenko told her husband sounding exasperated. Then she turned her attention back to Kaidan. "Your dad wants to talk to you. Try calling in more often, will you sweetie?"

"Sweetie isn't any better than baby, mom. Just call me by my name, as far as I know you chose it, after all." He couldn't help rolling his eyes. His mother had this annoying habit of not calling her children by their names. Kaidan hated it.

His dad appeared. "Kaidan, what's this your mother said? You're not coming home?"

"Sorry Dad, I got reassigned to the Normandy last week under Captain Anderson. We've been pretty busy. And by the looks of it it's going stay that way. Can't say much more." Kaidan shrugged. "You know how it is."

"Yeah, I know. I'll talk to your mom. Sometimes I don't think she's happy with your career choice, son." His dad had been an Alliance soldier himself. He had retired after more than twenty years of duty when Kaidan was five. "I'll tell the others you said hi. Take care!" The others being his siblings, Daniel and Erin, and their families.

"Will do. Bye, Dad." Kaidan hung up. He shook his head and exhaled slowly. Sometimes, no, most of the time he just couldn't understand his mother. She knew military life, after all she had married an Alliance soldier. She knew he had no influence on when he received his orders or where these orders sent him. His father was proud of him for enlisting but his mom? Kaidan wasn't sure. Shaking off the thoughts of home his mind returned to Shepard in the med bay. Leaving the comm room he went to Joker first, wanting to know when they would arrive at the Citadel. He had half a mind to sit down at his terminal and work, decided against it though. After Joker told him the ETA he said thank you and headed back to the crew deck. Maybe he could help Dr. Chakwas, or read up on some medical issues. And check on Shepard.

The doctor greeted him with an amused glint in her eyes. She didn't have any work he could help with right now, no. But if he really wanted to brush up his skills as field medic she did have some journals concerning different kinds of trauma due to different weapon modifications and ammunition. She turned to her desk and opened a drawer. It was filled with medical journals and after a short search she pulled out five different issues.

"These should be the most beneficial for you as a field medic, Kaidan." She smiled at him, the amused glint he had seen as he entered the med bay flashing in her eyes again. "Why don't you sit at that desk to read. You can take notes then, too. And keep an eye on the Commander."

Kaidan felt slightly embarrassed that he was apparently so easy to see through but he hadn't been lying about being interested in reading the medical journals. He enjoyed being a field medic and used every opportunity to brush up his skills. Choosing Sentinel training had been a no-brainer for him. Almost, anyway. The only other branch he had looked into was Engineer training. In the end he was a Sentinel with all his heart. He got medical training, got to work with tech almost as much as an engineer and learned to use his biotics to bolster his and his squads' defense. Although it looked like he would have to learn to use his biotics in a more offensive way in the future. He thanked Dr. Chakwas quietly and sat down to start reading, his eyes wandering to Shepard every once in a while.

He hadn't been aware of how much time had passed since he had begun reading until a plate with food set on the table in front of him. He looked up from the paper in surprise.

"It's time you ate something again, Kaidan. You've been here close to four hours," the doc said sternly.

"Uh, yeah. Thanks doc," Kaidan replied sheepishly. His stomach chose this moment to rumble loudly and he felt rightfully admonished. Putting the journal to the side he began eating.

After cleaning off the last bit of food from his plate he quickly cleared it away and returned to the med bay to retake his vigil. He had hardly started reading again when he heard a soft groan coming from Shepard. Kaidan quickly got up and moved closer to her bunk. She groaned again, her had twitching to her forehead.

He turned his head and called softly over his shoulder. "Doctor? Dr. Chakwas, I think she's waking up!"