A/N: My thanks as always goes out to Vorcha Girl for her review and for betaing. After several action-packed chapters here is a slow one. I apologize for the large amount of dialogue, but I felt it had to be. Enjoy!
Bioware owns Mass Effect.
Chapter 15. The Cipher
They watched silently as the Thorian fell, and then cast their eyes on a pod at the far end of the room which burst open, revealing another asari clone. No, no clone. She wasn't green, her skin had a purplish tint, something more natural for an asari. This was apparently the asari the Thorian had made clones of. Kaidan wasn't sure he wanted to know how.
"I'm free!" the asari exclaimed. "I ... I suppose I should thank you for releasing me."
Shepard inquired if she was alright, and the asari stated she would be, in time. She then introduced herself as Shiala, a follower of Matriarch Benezia. Kaidan and Wrex glanced at each other in in surprise, but Shepard obviously planned to hear the asari out. Shiala explained that Benezia wanted to guide Saren down a gentler path, foreseeing his influence.
"But Saren is compelling. Benezia lost her path," Shiala continued.
"Are you saying Saren can control minds? Asari Matriarchs are among the most intelligent and powerful beings in the galaxy. How could one fall under Saren's control?" Nick was skeptical.
Shiala told them about Saren's vessel, an enormous warship he called Sovereign. It was this ship that dominated his followers, indoctrinating them to Saren's will. In Kaidan's ears it sounded outlandish and hard to believe. Then again, if someone had told him about a mind-controlling plant he wouldn't have believed it either, and he had just witnessed exactly that.
Maybe the asari was telling the truth.
"The process is subtle. It can take days, weeks. But in the end, it is absolute," Shiala explained. She went on, telling them how Saren had used her to gain the Thorian's secret and then abandoned her. Finally she said, "He attacked the Thorian so you could not gain the Cipher, and thus find the Conduit."
"What is the Cipher?" Shepard asked.
"The beacon on Eden Prime gave you a vision, but it was made for a prothean mind. To comprehend it you must understand their culture, their history, their very existance. The Thorian was here before the protheans, it watched them, studied them. And when they died, it consumed them. They became a part of it."
"So, the Cipher is knowledge of the protheans? It taught Saren to think like a prothean? How?" Shepard cocked her head to the side, looking intrigued.
Shiala clarified that the Cipher could not be explained, could not be taught. It was what she called an 'ancestral memory', a memory she had sensed while melded with the Thorian. And the only way she knew of to give Shepard the Cipher was in turn to meld with her, as she had with Saren.
Shepard looked uncertain for a second. Then she nodded briefly.
"Try to relax, Commander," Shiala said as she slowly walked towards Nick. "Slow, deep breaths. Let go of your physical shell. Reach out to grasp the threads that bind us, one to another. Every action sends ripples across the galaxy. Every idea must touch another mind to live. Every emotion must mark another spirit. We are all connected. Every living being united in a single, glorious existence. Open yourself to the universe, Commander." Standing right in front of her she closed her eyes and when she opened them they were black depths. "Embrace eternity!"
Shepard went rigid. The color drained from her face and beads of perspiration showed on her forehead. Kaidan shifted his stance uncomfortably and watched the connection with a worried expression. After what he was sure had been the longest thirty seconds of his life Shiala stepped away from the commander. Shepard swayed where she stood, looking slightly pinched.
"I have given you the Cipher, just as I did Saren," Shiala let her know.
"Commander, are you alright?" Kaidan asked, stepping closer, concern pitching his voice slightly higher, almost making it crack. He stretched out a hand to steady her, clasping her elbow firmly. If she fell, he would catch her.
Always.
Nick turned his head to look at him and he could see a far-off pain in her eyes. He felt anger rising in him that she had to suffer. First that damn beacon and now this Cipher, he thought. She tried to smile, but her voice was shaky as she answered. "I'm fine, I think. I saw ... something. It still didn't make any sense."
Kaidan slowly let go of her elbow. He didn't step away from her, though. Out of the corner of his eye he could see Wrex smirking.
"You have been given a great gift: the experience of an entire people," Shiala remarked and Shepard tore her gaze away from the lieutenant to look at the asari. "It will take time for your mind to process this information. I am sorry if you have suffered, but there was no other way. You needed the Cipher. In time it will help you understand the vision from the beacon."
Shepard nodded wearily, rubbing her temples gingerly.
Kaidan ran his eyes over her face, the corners of his mouth tugging downward in a slight frown. "You look pretty rough, Commander. We should get you back to the ship soon."
"You're probably right. But first I have some questions for Shiala," Shepard replied.
He nodded slowly. Kaidan knew she was right, but the medic in him - right, Alenko, keep telling yourself that – wanted to get her checked by a physician as soon as possible.
Shepard spent some time asking Shiala a few personal questions as well as about the Thorian, Saren and his ship, Sovereign, and Matriarch Benezia. Shiala emphasized again that Matriarch Benezia had underestimated Saren, which lead to her indoctrination, and warned them not to do the same. As for the vessel, Sovereign, she told them its design matched no vessel of known spacefaring species. It was much larger than any ship in the Citadel or Alliance fleet with devastating weapons and nigh impenetrable defenses.
Shepard then focused on finding out more about the mind-controlling abilities of Sovereign that Shiala mentioned earlier. The asari described it as an energy that made Saren's arguments more compelling. Given time, she said, everyone would succumb, losing themselves in Sovereign, regardless whether they were strong-willed or not. Furthermore, the indoctrination was irrevocable.
"Okay. Thank you," Shepard stated. After a short pause she asked, "Now that you are free of the Thorian, what are you planning to do?"
Shiala admitted she wanted to stay with the colonists, stating they had suffered greatly and she wanted to make amends for her role in that. Shepard considered this for a moment, her gaze fixed on the asari before her. Shiala returned her gaze openly.
"That sounds like a good idea," Shepard said with a small smile, "The colony will need all the help it can get. I'm sure they'll be happy to have you on their side."
The asari dipped her head slightly. "Thank you, Commander. May fortune smile upon you."
After a short stop in Zhu's Hope, they returned to the Normandy. Going through decon took longer than usual, or maybe it was just Kaidan's imagination. He had no trouble believing it, though. Cleaning their gear would take forever today. And he wasn't sure if the regular Navy shower would suffice to make them feel clean. Not after this horrid combination of Creeper muck and vomit, all congealed by the dust in Feros' atmosphere, and sticking to their armor, their hair, everything. Not to mention the smell.
As they passed the cockpit Joker called out to them.
"Commander, next time the Normandy touches down can we try not to park her in a colony of mutant zombies? Just sayin'."
Nick just shook her head wordlessly, but Kaidan shot an angry glare at the pilot. Joker lifted his hands in a conciliatory manner.
They walked down to the elevator in silence, feeling rather self-conscious about the reek that emanated from them. As they stepped into it Nick rolled her head and shoulders. She lowered her head a bit and sniffed at her armor.
"You know," she began conversationally, "I think we have earned us a Hollywood shower after this mess. Lieutenant, remind me to note this during the debrief for the record."
"Aye-aye, Commander." He didn't even try hiding his relief. A Hollywood shower sounded perfect. It was seldom that you got the opportunity of letting the water run as long as you wanted while showering on a warship. Usually you just had time to wet down, turn off the water, lather and rinse.
"Holy hell!" Ashley exclaimed as they walked over to the lockers and started peeling out of their armor. "What in the world is that stink?"
"Thorian Creeper insides." Shepard answered as she unbuckled a shoulder guard. "And vomit." She dropped the shoulder guard on the floor and started on the next one. "And who knows what else."
"Geez, I don't think I've ever been so happy not to have been part of the shore party." Ashley shook herself, wrinkling her nose at the stench.
"Oh, we had the time of our lives." Kaidan said with a solemnly, watching Shepard's expression carefully as she sat down on the bench. He was rewarded with a small shake of her head and an equally small laugh.
Once she took off her armor Shepard quickly put on her fatigues. Then she grabbed some rags and armor polish, sat down, and began scrubbing one of her thigh guards. Kaidan sighed. Of course they had to clean their armor, no matter how exhausted they might feel. Or how in dire need of that shower they might be.
He sat down next to her, took a rag from the pile she had put on the bench next to her, and picked up his chestplate. He looked over to her, waiting for the bottle of polish. She still looked almost white, but slowly the pale rosy tint was returning to her cheeks.
Beautiful.
She raised her head and their eyes locked. I don't think I have ever seen such warm eyes. With a start she realized she had put the polish out of his reach, and, smiling, she handed him the polish, trying to ignore the tingling sensation as his fingers brushed lightly over hers as he took it.
"Thanks, Commander," Kaidan said, his voice a bit raspier than normal.
"You're welcome, Alenko. Didn't mean to hog the polish." She smiled again, grateful her voice sounded steady. They continued cleaning their armors in silence, working swiftly and efficiently, ignoring the sniggers from Ashley, Garrus and Wrex. As he worked Kaidan felt a growing pressure in his skull and a slow throbbing. Not again. He stifled a groan and refrained from massaging his temples.
Thankfully they didn't have to clean their weapons yet as well. Ashley had gathered the weapons, carried them over to the weapons bench and immediately began dismantling them. He owed Ash at least a beer the next time they were on the Citadel, maybe even two.
Once the last piece of armor was clean Shepard opened the comm and ordered a mission debrief in fifteen minutes, giving them time to wash off at least some of the grime.
As soon as they were assembled Shepard gave a quick rundown on the events on Feros. A wave of dizziness washed over and she swayed lightly in her seat.
"Commander? You look ... pale," Liara noted. "Are you suffering any ill effects from the Cipher?"
Shepard did not answer right away. She held her head in her hands for a moment before straightening up again. All eyes were on her and she sighed.
"The Cipher shook me up a bit," she admitted.
"I might be able to help you. I am an expert on Protheans. If I join my consciousness to yours maybe we can make some sense of it." There was an eager undertone in Liara's voice, causing Kaidan to narrow his eyes in suspicion. He leaned forward a fraction, flicking his eyes back and forth between Shepard and Liara, watching every interaction.
He saw Shepard's eyes widen and she shook her head. "Forget it! I feel like my brain's been turned into a scrambled egg. Once is enough."
"I understand that," Liara said soothingly. "But consider that we need to make sense of the Cipher and I am the prothean expert."
Nick hesitated for a moment as she considered the options. She sighed and nodded. "You are right. Okay, let's get this over with."
She pushed herself up and strode into the middle of the room. Liara also rose and met Shepard there.
"Relax, Commander. Embrace eternity!" Liara's blue eyes went just as black as Shiala's had. All Kaidan could do was watch again as the little color that had slowly returned to Shepard's features drained from them completely again. She was as white as a sheet. After perhaps half a minute Liara stepped away and drew a deep breath.
"That was incredible! All this time. All my research. Yet I never dreamed ... I am sorry. The images were so vivid. I never imagined the experience would be so ... intense," the young asari rambled. She looked at Shepard with admiration. "You are remarkably strong-willed, Commander. What you've been through, what you've seen would have destroyed a lesser mind."
"Did you see anything?" Kaidan interrupted. For those who knew him this was a sure sign of a perturbed mind. He hardly ever interrupted people. One reason was certainly that he had been brought up to be polite and wait his turn, and the other was that he liked to have as much time as possible to think things over. The undercurrents of constant throbbing in his head also did nothing to soothe his irritation.
Shepard glanced over to him, sensing that he was upset about something. His whole posture was tense, his jaw clenched, but he avoided her gaze and kept looking at Liara.
"The beacon on Eden Prime must have been badly damaged. Large parts of the message are missing. The data transferred into the Commander's mind is incomplete," the asari answered.
Shepard frowned. "So there was nothing useful? No hint or clue of some kind? Something we might have missed?"
Liara shook her head. "No, everything I saw you already know. You were right about the Reapers, they were responsible for the extinction of the protheans. I think it is obvious that there is some kind of connection between the Reapers, the prothean extinction and the Conduit. But I didn't see anything that would help us find it."
"So it was all for nothing," Shepard muttered frustrated.
"Not at all," Liara objected. "I was able to interpret the data relayed through your vision. What was there, at least. But something was missing. Saren must have the missing information. Perhaps he found another beacon. If we can find this missing data I can ... whoa." She lifted a hand to her head and stretched the other out to balance herself as she swayed. "I am sorry. The joining is ... exhausting. I should go to the med bay and lie down for a moment."
"Huh. I don't feel tired," Shepard remarked. "A little dizzy, yes. But not tired."
"Yours was a passive role, Commander. It is extremely exhausting to meld with a mind as strong-willed as yours," Liara told her.
"Maybe Dr. Chakwas should take a look at you then," Shepard suggested.
"That won't be necessary. I just need some rest."
"We're done here. And for the record: the Feros shore party have all earned themselves a Hollywood shower. Dismissed," Shepard addressed everyone.
Kaidan was the last to get up. For some reason this whole joining of minds and 'Embrace eternity' disgruntled him. Maybe it was only his opinion, but he couldn't help feeling that Liara had been quite eager to meld her mind with Shepard's.
Or maybe you're just being touchy. Maybe Liara really was just eager to find out more about the protheans, notwithstanding her obvious admiration for the commander.
Before leaving the comm room he cast a quick look back at Shepard, who was preparing to report to the council. He turned away and slowly headed down to the crew deck to grab a bite to eat. To his surprise the mess was almost empty. Then again it was almost 2030. He walked over to the galley to grab an energy bar. He needed some quick calories. The mess sergeant saw him approach.
"Lieutenant, there is still some dinner left. You don't have to settle for one of those bars." She jerked her chin toward the cupboard with the nutrition bars for biotics.
"Thank you, van den Hoek, but I really need a proper shower, so some quick calories will have to do for now. I'll see about more food later."
"I'll save some for you, LT."
He waved at her and headed to his sleeper pod to get his shower kit, eating the energy bar as he went. Shower, eat, sleep – that was his plan. And hopefully get a chance of talking to Shepard.
It was close to 0200 when Kaidan woke up. The throbbing in his head still hadn't subsided. Not even the nice, long, hot shower he had taken after the mission debrief helped. It had felt so good at that moment, letting the hot water run over tense muscles in his neck and shoulders. Now, all the tension was back. Great, he thought sarcastically. He got up and headed to the med bay to get another dose of his medication. He had injected some via the medi-gel applicator in his armor on Feros already but it obviously hadn't been enough.
Kaidan didn't bother turning on the light in the med bay. He knew exactly where to find his migraine medication. After he had injected the medicine he went into the dim mess hall. He got himself another energy bar and sat down. He ate it slowly, leaning his head back against the wall as he waited for the medication to kick in.
He sure hoped it would work. If it didn't he could probably look forward to one of the worst migraines so far. He slid deeper into the chair, resting one arm his forehead and slowly dozed off.
The feeling of someone touching his shoulder and a soft voice speaking his name startled him back to wakefulness. And lingering pain. Shit, the meds hadn't worked. He opened his eyes and found himself looking into the face of his commander. Right away he straightened up.
"Commander!" He was about to stand up when her hand on his shoulder held him firmly in place.
"As you were, Lieutenant," Shepard said with a hint of amusement in her voice as she emphasized his rank. "Why in the world are you sleeping at the mess hall table?"
He rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. "Didn't mean to fall asleep here, Commander. Got up to take some meds and grab a bite to eat, and then I must've dozed off."
"Kaidan," Shepard said with a sigh. "What does it take for you to at least call me by my surname when we're alone in the mess in the middle of the night? We're not on duty, you don't have to refer to me by rank. Anyway, you said meds? Do you have a migraine?"
He nodded slowly. "It's been stewing for hours. Took some meds back on Feros too. They helped for a bit and so did the Hollywood shower. Actually the pain phase hasn't really started yet. So far it's mostly stiff muscles and an irritable mood, with a little bit of throbbing. The real pain is yet to come. I'll know as soon as the aura sets in."
"Aura?" Shepard asked, sitting down on the chair next to him.
"Yeah. In my case it's generally an impaired field of vision and loss of position sense." He gave a small shrug. "There are a number of different sensory auras."
"Am I glad I don't get migraines," was her emphatic reply.
Kaidan laughed quietly. "You can say that again." He cleared his throat. "How are you doing? You looked pretty shaken after Shiala gave you the Cipher, and then again after Liara melded, joined, whatever, her mind with yours. I don't think I'd ever seen someone look so pale before." There was something strained in his voice as he talked about Liara, but she couldn't quite place it.
"I feel a lot better. Sleeping helped. At least up until I had my nightly nightmare. But, I feel better. Really."
They both were silent for a moment before he continued, "What did the Council say about the Thorian?"
Shepard rolled her eyes and began imitating the different voices of the Councilors. "ExoGeni should have informed us about the Thorian. It would have made your job much easier … No kidding ... Maybe it would have been possible to capture it for study instead of destroying it ... Salarians, really ... Perhaps it's for the best then. At least the colony was saved ... Of course it was saved. Shepard would go any length to help a human colony. And that's when I hung up on them."
"You hung up on the Council?" Kaidan couldn't believe it. He would have sat through the whole call until they dismissed him.
"Hell yes. Any more of their bullshit and I would have tried to punch their holos. At least Valern's and Sparatus'. Tevos is not as openly hostile as the other two, but that's about it." She looked up at him. "Why? Would you have listened to all of their bull until they kindly let you go?"
"Probably?" he answered with his typical lop-sided smile. Then his smile faded. "I guess we're a long way from back-up. There will be more tough calls to make. Just … be sure to leave yourself a way out. I've seen what cutting corners can do, and I'd hate to see that happen to you, Ni-, Shepard."
She raised her eyebrows in surprise. "Did you just almost call me by my first name? I can't believe it. So, are you concerned for me? Or is this a more personal observation, Kaidan?"
He averted his gaze and fidgeted on his chair. "Uh, I didn't mean to … I, uh, I don't want to step on anyone's toes," his eyes flicked to meet hers, "especially if you're … uh, if I have misread your interests." He looked rather uncomfortable all of a sudden.
"My … interests? Kaidan, what are you talking about?" she was thoroughly confused.
"Uh, Liara?" A blush spread slowly across his face as he continued to look at her. "There's a lower-deck rumor she's … interested in you. As more than a source of prothean data." He returned his gaze at the table in front of him. "She's a very interesting lady. Not to my tastes, but …"
Nick leaned forward a little trying to make eye-contact. "Kaidan, are you jealous? Of Liara?"
"Uh, it's just that we don't have much downtime these days and I like being around you. But I don't want to take up your personal time." He avoided answering her question, but finally looked back at her. He tried to appear composed, but she could see something, apprehension?, in his eyes.
"You're not taking up my personal time, Kaidan." She couldn't believe he was jealous of Liara. Whatever had put that thought in his head? She tried to get back to the beginning of their conversation. "You said something about cutting corners?"
"Uh, yeah. Remember what I told you about my biotic training?" He was grateful she didn't pursue the topic of Liara any further. He cursed himself for not thinking before speaking. He could always blame it on his meds if she asked him about it tomorrow.
"Of the fuck-up the Alliance made with it's choice of instructors? Letting a bitter turian torture you as kids? Of course I remember." As if she would forget that. She had thought about what he had been through for days.
"I don't know if they'd consider it torture ..." he began.
"Oh, for fucks sake, Alenko!" She felt like throwing her hands in the air in frustration. "What else would it be? Depriving students of food and water over a prolonged time is torture. Especially if these students are biotics. You know that."
"Yeah. Anyway, what I meant to say is that when you cut corners you don't always know who might pay for it. So, when someone is… special … to you, you help them." Their eyes met and suddenly Kaidan was worried he'd said too much. He was always amazed that her eyes looked blue at some times and gray at others. Now, they was a perfect blend. Streaks of gray in an ocean of blue surrounded by a dark blue outer iris. He could drown in those eyes.
"Special, huh?" she felt her heart speed up and her brain seemed intent on flashing big sign with He thinks you're special in her mind.
"If I'm out of line, just say the word." His voice had dropped a notch, making it sound even more gravelly than usual. It was a sound that sent a jolt through Shepard's body.
"You're not out of line, Kaidan," she whispered a little breathlessly. Nick cleared her throat and went on with regret in her voice. "But there are regs."
He sighed and rubbed his forehead. "I hear ya, Shepard. Don't you think I know that? I don't make a habit of complicating the chain of command, you know."
"I never said you did." Her voice was soft. She stifled a yawn and glance at the clock. It was shortly after three. "We'll talk more tomorrow, okay?"
"I'd like that. Goodnight ... Nick," he said as they stood up.
She nearly stumbled at the unexpected use of her name and he automatically reached out to steady her. For a moment he feared she would rebuke him for using her first name or rather its short version. Instead she looked at him with a warm smile.
"Good night, Kaidan."
A/N: Looks like things are slowly heating up between those two. ;)
Reviews are more than welcome!