A/N: I apologize for the long delay! Thank you Mizdirected, jediserenity82, ela11, Vicky, Vorcha Girl and JediZelda for your reviews on the last chapter as well as everybody else who left reviews on other chapters. Hearing from you guys always makes my day!
Vorcha Girl, as always thank you for being my awesome Beta!
Now I certainly hope you enjoy reading this chapter more than I did writing it.
Bioware owns Mass Effect.
Chapter 22. Rift Station
Kaidan watched warily as Shepard spoke to Benezia. He let his eyes roam through the room and mentally took note of the positions of the Asari Commandos as well as every place offering cover. There were only a few commandos to be seen, but he was sure they'd have back-up on the way.
He listened with one ear as Benezia made a snide comment about Shepard bringing Liara along as a pathetic try to manipulate her.
Shepard let out a small laugh as she shook her head. "I have no idea what you're talking about. Liara is here because she wants to be, not because I dragged her along."
The Matriarch settled her gaze on Liara. "What have you told her about me, Liara? Hm?"
"What am I supposed to answer, Mother? What could I say? That you are crazy? Evil? Should I explain how to kill you?" Liara's voice sounded choked. "What could I say?"
Benezia moved closer and Kaidan focused his attention on her. He felt his biotics stirring even though the Asari Matriarch had not done anything threatening yet.
"Have you ever faced an asari commando before?" Benezia asked Shepard confidently. "Few humans have."
Shepard looked at Liara shortly and Kaidan saw pity in her gaze, then she turned back to face Benezia. "I guess that means you don't want to negotiate. Fine. I can work with that." Her voice turned hard. "But believe me, you won't look so smug with a hole in your head."
A short while later Kaidan felt like an intruder as he watched Liara say a final goodbye to her mother. He glanced over to Shepard and tried to to discern her mood. Benezia had been indoctrinated, but had regained her willpower for a short time and had handed Nick an OSD containing coordinates for the Mu relay.
She explained that the Relay had been propelled out of its system 4000 years ago and that she had been sent to Noveria to get the information from the Rachni, as they could convey information from one generation to the next. Shepard hesitated before asking why Saren wanted the location of the Mu relay.
"He believes it will lead him to the conduit," Benezia had answered. "I would tell you more, but Saren did not share his counsel with me."
Nick explained that she could take down Saren with the information that had been gathered here and Benezia had given her the OSD.
"Knowing the relay's coordinates is not enough," Liara interrupted quietly. "Do you know where he planned to go from there?"
Benezia admitted that she did not know the final destination and that she had transmitted the data minutes before they had arrived. It was apparent that she was finding it harder and harder to resist the indoctrination.
"You have always made me proud, Liara," Benezia said with a pained expression.
Kaidan was certain he would always remember the flash of sorrow on Liara's face and the regret in Benezia's voice right before she lost control of herself and attacked them again. Benezia, a strong asari matriarch explained to Shepard that she would never be herself again as she staggered against the wall searching for a prop. Liara's face scrunched up in despair as she croaked, "Mother..." And then the tears spilled down her face as her mother spoke her final words.
"Good night, Little Wing. I will see you again by the dawn," Benezia had whispered, sliding slowly down to the floor because her legs no longer had the power to carry her, her voice faded with each word she spoke. "No light? They always said there would be … ."
Shepard hung her head, silently acknowledging Benezia's death before turning to Liara and placing a hand on her shoulder. "I am sorry," Shepard said softly. "Sorry you had to witness this and sorry I cannot give you more time to mourn her right now, but we must move on."
Liara sniffled quietly and nodded her head. Kaidan watched as Shepard gave Liara's shoulder another squeeze before she turned her attention to their surroundings again. After Nick stepped away from Liara he closed the distance between him and the asari.
"Liara?" He spoke in a hushed tone. "I am also sorry. I … ." he faltered, not sure what else to say. "If there is anything we can do for you, just ask."
"Thank you, Kaidan. I think I will need time more than anything else." She tried giving him a small smile.
"Of course," he replied.
An unexpected movement in the large glass container in the center of the room caught his attention and he watched as Shepard strolled over to it and tried to shield the reflecting lights off of it with her arms, trying to get a better view of the creature inside. They all jumped back a few steps when they found themselves staring down the gullet of the largest rachni they had seen yet.
To Kaidan's utter horror one of the commandos lying dead at his feet suddenly stirred and began tottering towards Shepard, head lolling from one side to the other. He pulled his pistol in a swift movement and called out a warning. What the hell? He was more than sure the asari had been dead.
Shepard spun around, caught between the advancing commando and the console in front of the glass container. But the commando teetered past her until she stood in front of the large rachni. Here, the asari turned around and began to speak.
"This one. Serves as our voice. We cannot sing. Not in these low spaces. Your musics are colorless."
Sing? Musics? Colorless? How could music be colorless?
Shepard appeared as confused as he did. She scratched her head, tilting it slightly to the side. "I don't understand. What musics?"
The large rachni explained that their way of communicating was different from what they were used to. Rachni could speak, or sing as they called it, through touching the others thoughts. Kaidan wasn't sure if he liked that. It sounded almost ... invasive. Or like another possible way of indoctrination.
The Rachni Queen told them that her offspring had been disconnected from the music and were now beyond help. She said they would only cause harm because they were lost to silence; the only way to save them was to slay them. She let them know that the eggs had been stolen from her and were being turned into mindless killing machines by the scientists of Binary Helix. Beast of War, the queen called them.
"Children know only fear if no one sings to them. Fear has shattered their minds." Anger radiated through the air as the Rachni Queen spoke of her young.
It makes sense, he thought.
"It makes sense, Shepard," he said quietly. "A baby left alone in a closet until it's sixteen won't be sane either."
Shepard nodded, but did not acknowledge his comment any further. "I will do as you ask. And you are sure there is no other option?"
"It is lamentable. But necessary. Do as you must," the queen confirmed. "Before you deal with our children, we stand before you. What will you sing? Will you release us? Are we to fade away once more?"
Kaidan glimpsed a short look of panic on Shepard's face, but she had her expression under control again quickly. He shifted uncomfortably. This was a tough decision and he was glad he wasn't the one making the call. They were talking about genocide if Shepard decided to use the acid tanks hovering over the Rachni Queen. And no matter what had happened in the past in his eyes genocide was unacceptable. There was always a better option. He was just about to state his opinion when Shepard began speaking.
"If I let you live," Nick began cautiously as she moved closer towards the console, "would you attack other races again?"
"No!" the queen answered vehemently. "I do not know what happened in the war. We heard only discordance, songs the color of oily shadows. We would seek a hidden place to teach our children harmony. If they understand, perhaps we would return."
After a short inquiry about the queen's survival Shepard felled her decision. Kaidan could see it clearly in the change of her posture. She drew herself up a little, her hand hovering over the console in front of her.
"I won't have the blood of an entire race on my hands," she said softly. "You will go free."
"You will give us the chance to compose anew?" The Rachni Queen sounded surprised, as though she had awaited to be facing her end instead. "We will remember. We will sing of your forgiveness to our children."
He heard Shepard draw a deep breath before punching in the command to release the Rachni Queen. As the glass container was lifted away the asari which the Rachni Queen had used as her voice slumped to the ground. He shuddered. The thought of a corpse being willed to move and speak only by the power of thoughts slightly creeped him out.
They stood there for a moment and watched the Rachni Queen disappear.
"Let's go find her children and then get the hell off of this planet," Shepard muttered. He could see her knit her brows. Then she turned away and started walking towards the door at the opposite end of the room. The door did not open automatically and he could tell she was upset by the vehemence with which Shepard hit the control button.
Finally, the door opened. A burst of cold air flowed in from the passage and Shepard inhaled sharply.
"Mom was right, you know? I should've brought a sweater. And I think I have snow in my boots." Kaidan said lightly, trying to lift Shepard's rather sullen mood. He tried to ignore Liara's irritated stare. In afterthought maybe it had been a little tasteless. Shepard turned to look at him, opening her mouth to say something. Obviously she was at a loss for words, though. Instead she swatted his shoulder and shook her head, but he saw the smile she quickly tried to hide as she turned away.
Mission accomplished.
Some time later they stood in the Hot Labs staring down at the corpse of Yaroslav Tartakovsky, who had been skewered by a Rachni Soldier just as he had been giving them some information. The rachni lay only a few steps away from him.
"Are you here to secure the situation?" had been the first thing the man had asked as they approached. After a short inquiry he told them Binary Helix found rachni eggs on a derelict freighter, a thousand years adrift. There had been many eggs in cryogenic suspension. And they hatched one.
"They hatched an egg that had been frozen for a thousand years?" Shepard asked, disbelief coloring her voice.
Tartakovsky called the success of hatching the egg miraculous and told them that Binary Helix had planned to clone the rachni, wanting to create an army. Only when they had hatched the egg did they discover it was not an ordinary egg, but a queen. After she had laid her eggs they had moved her away to Rift Station, figuring they could influence the young into obedience that way.
Shepard huffed. "Well, separating them from their mother didn't work. I'd say your experiment failed."
"Ehh," the scientist agreed, "it was exactly the wrong thing to do. Without a queen rachni don't develop properly. She shapes their minds. These are uncontrollable."
Shepard considered bringing the queen there to sing to her offspring, but the scientist shook his head and told them the rachni were beyond saving. The only option was the neutron purge. His last words were informing them how to initiated the purge. Then the Rachni Soldier struck.
Shepard searched Tartakovsky for the authorization code and then headed to the Mira terminal in the adjacent room. A short conversation with the station VI followed.
"Activate the neutron purge," Shepard finally said.
"I am sorry, but I can't do that without proper code authorization," Mira insisted.
Shepard's voice was neutral as she spoke the authorization code, "Code input: 875-020-079. Code Omega local execution."
"Verified, " Mira confirmed. "Code Omega execution in 120 seconds."
Well, damn.
Nearly two minutes later they stood in the elevator, panting as the doors closed behind them after fighting their way through a large number of rachni. They still felt the blast of the purge as the elevator took them back to the transportation level. As soon as they reached the tram Shepard punched in the command to get them back to Peak 15.
Kaidan watched Nick as she leaned against the window of the tram and stared into space. The sound of a quiet thump disrupted the silence in the tram. He glanced to the side and saw Liara sitting down on a seat, cradling her head in her hands. Kaidan hoped it would be a long time before he had to say the final good-bye to his parents. The remaining ride back to Peak 15 and the ensuing ride in the Mako to Port Hanshan and the Normandy went off in comparative silence.
As soon as they were aboard the Normandy Shepard told them to take care of their gear quickly. "I want everyone in the comm room in twenty, Lieutenant," she said as they waited for the decontamination cycle to end.
"Aye-aye, Commander," he replied.
Shepard walked towards the helm instead of towards the lower deck, and Kaidan couldn't resist casting a glance back over his shoulder as he passed through the CIC. He continued down to the cargo hold with Liara walking shortly behind him. He could see Ashley's questioning gaze as she tilted her head slightly towards Liara, silently asking him what was wrong with the asari.
He signaled her to hold back with any inquiries and her curt nod indicated that she understood. He laid his pistol on the weapon's bench and, after another short eye contact with Ashley, went to his locker. He knew Ash would take care of the pistol while he changed into his uniform. Liara also left her pistol for Ash to take care of and left again. Kaidan figured she wanted to be left alone at the time.
He was not even halfway out of his armor when Shepard stepped out of the elevator. She walked straight to the weapon's bench, talked shortly to Ash and then came over to him. Wordlessly she turned her back to him and he began unclasping the harder to reach straps of her armor.
"Thank you, Lieutenant." She smiled at him over her shoulder.
"Anytime, Commander." Kaidan ignored the grin he saw on Ashley's face, but he knew she would tease him later for his choice of words.
A short while later, after he had showered, Kaidan made his way to the comm room. Liara and Shepard were already there. The former stared into space, not reacting to the arriving crew. The latter looked at him. Not very long, but long enough to catch his gaze before she looked at the next crew member.
Shepard remained silent as the last ones took their seats. Then she quietly began explaining which data they had received from Benezia.
Ashley leaned forward when Shepard was done. "So what our next move, Skipper? Head for the Mu Relay?"
"No." Shepard shook her head. "Not so fast. There is no point in that, Chief. The Mu Relay could link to dozens of systems. Unless we know where Saren is going, we would just be wasting our time."
"The Commander is right," Liara said. "We cannot rush off blind. We still need to learn more about Saren."
Kaidan raised an eyebrow, but said nothing. He agreed with Liara, but deep down it bothered him that she had said it and not him. Ashley, on the other hand, didn't remain quiet.
"Who put you in charge? Did the commander resign while I wasn't looking?"
Kaidan shot her a warning glance.
"Enough! We're all on the same team here, Williams," Shepard said sternly. "Calm down. She was just trying to help."
The gunnery chief shifted slightly in her seat. "Sorry, Commander."
Shepard waved it off. "It's okay. This is a tough mission," she got up, "and we're all on edge. Everyone go get some rest. We're headed to the Citadel next. If we are lucky we can get a few hours R and R in. Dismissed."
They filed out of the room. Kaidan knew Shepard would stay behind to report to the Council, so he decided to grab a bite to eat and go work at his workstation.
Shepard waited as Joker set up the link with the Council. The first thing the asari councilor asked was if her reports were accurate. She felt her temper rising.
Why the fuck wouldn't her reports be accurate?
The turian councilor did little to improve her mood. "You released the queen! Do you have any idea what you have done?" Yes, she thought, I know very well. "How many generations until they overrun the galaxy?"
"Let me guess. Two? No, three." She couldn't keep the sarcasm out of her voice. The turian councilor bristled at her words, but she cut him short, "Listen, I talked to the queen and made my choice. She understands why they had to be wiped out last time."
Nick rubbed her face in annoyance after finishing her report to the Council. She had to get better control of her temper when reporting in. But they were so damn condescending.
She slowly walked down to the crew deck to talk to Liara. As she passed by the mess she glanced over to Kaidan's workstation. It was empty. Her gaze swept through the room and she spied him talking to the mess sergeant. Huh, I should have known.
"Commander, do you need something?" Dr. Chakwas asked looking up from a medical journal.
Nick shook her head and sighed. "No. I just wanted to check on Liara after … after what happened ground-side."
The doctor gave her a short once-over and concurred. "Yes. She may want to talk. Or she may not. Everyone grieves differently."
"I know, doc," Shepard answered, unconsciously using the lieutenant's preferred title for the ship's doctor, as she went into the small back room. She had no sooner stepped through the door when Liara stood up from her chair and turned around to face her.
"If you are here to talk about Benezia's death, you need not bother." Liara's voice sounded hard. "She brought it upon herself."
Nick was slightly taken aback. She had expected tears, not this icy behavior, and the apparent lack of emotion. But, as the doctor had said, everybody coped with grief differently.
"She did," Nick agreed. "But don't you still feel bad about it? She was your mother. Don't pretend it doesn't bother you."
Liara remained silent for a moment. Her voice was softer when she continued speaking, "She was … but she was not. I prefer to remember Benezia as she used to be, before she was corrupted by Sovereign's power."
"It seems that some of your mother's traits live on in you. Her intelligence, strength and determination," Shepard said, wanting to offer at least a little bit of consolation.
"That is kind of you to say, Shepard. And I appreciate your concern, but I am fine. Benezia chose her path, just as I have chosen mine." With more fervor in her voice Liara continued, "I am with you until the end, Shepard."
Nick shifted slightly, feeling uncomfortable. Liara's blind devotion was disconcerting. Nick wondered if it had something to do with the asari's feelings for her. "Why do you think Benezia joined Saren?"
"Benezia got caught up in events beyond her control and lost herself. She fell under the spell of indoctrination and became part of everything she wanted to stop," Liara paused. "But I will remember her and honor how she lived, not how she died. My mother was strong kind and beautiful," she paused again. When she began to speak again her emotions betrayed her, and her voice caught, "And now she is gone."
"I'm sorry," Nick said quietly. "Are you going to be okay?"
Liara smiled sadly. "It is kind of you to ask. I miss her. And I grieve for what happened to her. But I will not let my grief interfere with what we are trying to accomplish."
"Okay." Nick cleared her throat. "I should go."
As Shepard crossed the med bay Dr. Chakwas called out to her, "A moment please, Commander."
"Doc?"
"How have you been sleeping?" The doctor inquired, using the moment to scan her. "Any nightmares? Trouble falling asleep?"
Nick sighed, "I've been sleeping just fine." She could tell Chakwas was not convinced. "Really. I'm dealing with it. It's nothing I can't handle." The short humpf from the doctor said everything. Nick glanced around the room before looking at the doctor again. "I drink the tea you prescribed."
There was no way in hell she would tell the doctor she was almost thankful for her irregular sleep cycle as it gave her the chance of undisturbed conversations with Kaidan. She wondered if the doctor knew his sleep cycles were just as messed up as hers. Probably. There wasn't much that escaped the doctor's attention. That said, she was pretty sure that the Normandy's head physician was aware of the mutual attraction between her CO and the head of marine detail. Nick felt herself blushing as she thought of the lieutenant. She took a slow deep breath, trying to ban any images of the lieutenant out of her mind.
"Please keep me updated about any changes, good and bad, Commander. Maybe we should try using CBT-I as well. Cognitive behavioral therapy for insomnia." Dr. Chakwas added, seeing Shepard's questioning look. The doctor typed something into her datapad and walked to her desk, "That is all for now, Shepard."
Nick made a quick escape, hoping perhaps Kaidan would still be in the mess. He wasn't. Nor was he at his workstation. As he was still on duty this meant he was most likely either at the workstation in the helm or possibly down in Engineering.
With a sigh she went to her cabin to write the mission report for the Alliance and catch up with her other paperwork.
Several hours later Nick figured maybe she should get something to eat. She had completely forgotten about dinner after getting side-tracked by a book after she finished her report. It was only when her stomach protested loudly that she became aware she had missed a meal. A short glance at her clock told her it was nearly midnight.
She walked into the mess and a smile spread over her face when she saw Kaidan sitting at the mess table, a plate with sandwiches next to him. Nick loved night cycles on the Normandy, when the ship ran on a skeleton crew and she could talk to him without fear of being disturbed. She didn't walk over to him directly. Instead she watched him silently for a few seconds. She saw him frown at the datapad in his hand and then he picked up an actual pencil and began writing something on an actual notepad.
"Hey," she said quietly as she approached him.
"Shepard." The huskiness of his voice made her shiver.
She peeked over his shoulder to catch a glimpse of what he had written on the notepad. "That's … math. No wonder you're frowning." Nick wrinkled her nose in disgust before sitting down next to him.
Kaidan laughed quietly. "Well, yeah. Sometimes it's easier to spy mistakes when you see a calculation written out. Usually it's something as simple as accidentally typing in the wrong sign and on-screen you keep on reading over it."
Nick shook her head, but couldn't stop the smile on her face. "And why are you brooding over calculations in the middle of the night?"
The smile faded slowly from Kaidan's face and he shrugged. "It helps take my mind off things."
"Things?" She asked as she picked up a sandwich from the plate. Biting into it heartily she kept her eyes fixed on Kaidan. He arched an eyebrow, but said nothing as she ate his sandwich.
"Yeah. I was thinking about Liara. Have you talked to her? Poor kid. It couldn't have been easy for her today." He stared at the notepad, narrowed his eyes as he erased a part of his calculation and began scribbling again. He cast a short glance at Nick. "She seemed composed enough at dinner, but I don't think I could put off having to kill one of my parents that easily. It must be hard, even if you know it's a mercy."
"Yeah. I talked to her. I wonder if it has something to do with the longevity of the asari that they look at death differently than we do. She said she wants to remember and honor her mother as she lived before being corrupted by indoctrination." Nick told him.
"Could you shake it off so easily, Shepard?" he asked quietly.
"No." She admitted. "My parents are both Alliance officers. I know they can be killed in action any day. And I know that if … if one of them was indoctrinated and I had to hunt them down, they would expect me to kill them without hesitation. But afterwards, I would grieve in a different manner than Liara is."
"Yeah," Kaidan whispered in a hushed tone. Then he looked at her with a curious expression on his face. "You said both your parents are Alliance? Are both stationed ship-side?"
"No. My mom is; she's the XO on the Kilimanjaro. My dad's been stationed on Earth for the past three years, although he still has to go on missions off-planet. No, wait. Longer than that." She hesitated and then nodded thoughtfully. "Let me think. I got invited to N-School after the Blitz and Akuze happened when I was an N3. Umm. No, three years is right after all."
Kaidan nodded slowly as she spoke and then asked, "Where on Earth is he stationed?"
"He's an instructor in Rio," she answered with a small smile playing on her lips. She watched as the information settled in. Kaidan's eyes widened with surprise. There was only one Alliance school in Rio de Janeiro; The Interplanetary Combatives Academy.
Better known as N-School.
"Your father is an N7 too?" Kaidan couldn't keep the awe out of his voice.
Nick nodded, her eyes tracing his face in search of a reaction.
He remained silent and Nick tilted her head to the side, suddenly looking unsure. He wouldn't be the first to back down after finding out how high ranking her parents were. "Now that you know that my dad is an instructor at N-School does your offer of joint shore leave still stand? Or do you want to backtrack your suggestion?"
"No! If you want it the offer still stands." His voice was low and he turned his hand palm-upward, reaching out to her tentatively. "I know I want it."
"Oh, I want it." She drew a deep breath as she took his offered hand. Their eyes met. "After the mission," Nick added a little breathlessly.
"After the mission," he repeated, blushing as he ran his thumb over the back of her hand. Nick felt herself falling into the intensity of his gaze and the sensation of his touch. She wanted to kiss him so badly. Instead she dropped her gaze to their locked hands, trying to get her inner turmoil under control. The sound of the bulkhead to the CIC opening startled them both and with a pang of regret she let go and got up slowly.
"Good night, Kaidan."
"Good night, Nick."
A/N: I hope this wasn't too horrible. Reviews are always welcome! :)