A/N: Thank you Kirabaros, SerenityFalconNormandy, Impslave, Jules Hawk, Vorcha Girl, jediserenity82 and ela11 for your reviews on the last chapter, and welcome to new followers! Special thanks as always to Vorcha Girl for beta reading.

And now ... enjoy!

Chapter 41.

Several weeks had passed since Kaidan sent his apology to Nick, and he hadn't received any reply yet. He tried not to worry, but doubt gnawed at him.

Maybe she was really pissed, and didn't want anything to do with him anymore?

Thoughts like this never lead to anything good.

With a sigh, he forced himself to concentrate on the work at hand, trying not to speculate about why. He was supposed to go to to Grissom Academy to select a number of biotic recruits for a biotic special operations division, and now he had to review the dossiers of the students Kahlee Sanders and her team thought were suitable.

He had to admit, he was excited to see how the recruits were trained. These kids were lucky. The Alliance had learned their lesson from the disaster that had been BaAT and put a real effort into the Ascension Project. Kaidan hadn't been seen for himself, but so far he'd only heard good things.

Shaking off the memories of BAaT, he opened the first dossier and began reading.

Kaidan was about one third through the stack of files when his terminal announced an incoming message. Expecting a note from either Anderson or Hackett concerning his assignment he opened his notifications.

"Re: Subject: About Horizon …"

Immediately his heart beat faster, pounding in his chest like a caged animal, and he took a deep breath. Here was the answer he had been waiting for, and now cold sweat covered his hands as he opened the message.

"Kaidan," she began, his name sounding surprisingly soft; it made his heart flutter. "first of all sorry for not replying sooner, but things have been pretty crazy around here. Even now I don't have that much time, but I wanted to drop you a note at least. Let you know I got your message and so and ... I want to sort things out between us, too." There was a pause. Kaidan could picture Nick biting her bottom lip before she continued, her voice taking on a business-like tone. "I suggest meeting the next time we dock at the Citadel, which is in five days, and then we can sit down and talk. Before I forget, be sure to send your answer to this address, and not the previous one. This one bypasses Cerberus security." There was another pause, "I … should go. Talk to ya later."

In five days? Kaidan groaned inwardly. He would still be at Grissom Academy then. His fingers flew over the display as he quickly typed a reply.

"Nick," he wrote. "I'm sorry, but I won't be on the Citadel then. I'm shipping out to Grissom Academy tomorrow. If I'm lucky I should be back in a week." He hesitated, and added, "But I'd love to take you out for dinner when I get the chance."

Kaidan sat back feeling lighter at heart than he had in a long time. Sure, he would have liked to see Shepard when she was on the Citadel, but at least she was willing to talk to him.

His mood improved even more when he read Shepard's prompt response.

"Dinner sounds great."

A grin spread over his face. Maybe he hadn't screwed things up completely after all.

Smiling, Nick closed her omnitool and made a mental note to head down to engineering, where Tali had taken up post, after she had talked to Joker..

The Normandy was enroute to the Citadel so Nick could help Thane and Garrus with some personal things, and even if Kaidan wouldn't be there then she was happier than she had been in a while at his prompt response.

"Joker, what's our ETA for the Citadel?" she asked as she stepped into the helm.

"Just over four days," the helmsman replied. He glanced at her and took a double take. "Is that a smile on your face?"

"What? No!" Heat rose from her collar.

"Your vitals suggest an elevated heart rate and -" EDI began.

"Thank you, EDI," Nick quickly interrupted the AI. An incoming call saved her from further comments. Joker checked the caller ID.

"Commander, it's the Illusive Man," he let her know.

Nick rolled her eyes, turning around and walking back through the CIC. "Go ahead and put it through, Joker. Let's see what the Illusive Asshole wants this time."

A few minutes later she emerged from the communications room again and called Joker over the comm system.

"Set a new course. I'm afraid the Citadel will have to wait a little longer. The turians have disabled a Collector ship, and we're supposed to investigate." Shepard made for the elevator and headed to the crew deck; she had to tell Garrus and Thane of the change in plans. But maybe this wasn't all bad; maybe this delay meant she would be able to rendezvous with Kaidan after all.

The smile reappeared on her face.

Garrus and Tali were sitting at the mess table when Nick stepped out of the elevator, their voices carrying her way, but too quiet to make out the words. They stopped talking as soon as she walked around the corner.

"Shepard," Garrus began, looking at her closely, "I swear you just smiled. I think it's the first time in months I've seen you do that. I can't imagine TIM telling you something that could make you smile. Or, did you hear from somebody else?"

Nick gave him a playful shove as she walked past him to the coffee machine. "Shut up, Vakarian."

He was one of the few people she'd confided in over past weeks. Garrus had witnessed their cluster fuck of a reunion on Horizon. She had told him about Kaidan's message, even let him listen to it, and she knew he was still upset with Kaidan. Looking down at her mug she answered quietly, "I answered Kaidan's message after we got back from Haestrom earlier today."

She fell silent, listening to the soft click of Garrus' mandibles and the purring of Tali's enviro-suit. Nick wondered briefly how much Tali knew of what had happened on Horizon, and if she was still in touch with Kaidan. Nick knew that Tali had liked Kaidan a lot; they had been good friends, spending plenty of time talking shop.

On Haestrom Tali had inquired after him almost immediately, and it had felt odd telling her he had refused to join them.

"What did you tell him?" Tali asked, a hint of curiosity in her voice and Nick couldn't beat the feeling that Horizon, and maybe even Kaidan's message, had been the subject of the conversation she had interrupted.

Nick shrugged, her eyes glued on her coffee. "Just that we had to talk."

"Do you think he'd listen?" There was plenty of scepticism in Garrus' two-toned voice.

Nick lifted her head and looked squarely at her best friend. "C'mon, Garrus, you heard his message. I think that sounded genuine enough. And anyway, he wants to take me out for dinner." She took a swallow of her coffee. "But talking about Kaidan wasn't what I came down here for. We won't be heading to the Citadel like planned. The Illusive Man intercepted a distress call from a turian patrol. They stumbled upon a Collector ship beyond the Korlus system, and somehow managed to disable it. The patrol didn't make it, but we're supposed to investigate and find any useful data. Apparently the turians managed to disable it somehow. Personally, I think this whole thing stinks, but we're going to have a look anyway." She got up again and patted Garrus on his shoulder. "Sorry, big guy. Your revenge will have to wait a few days longer."

"We're heading to the Citadel after we've investigated the Collector vessel?"

Nick nodded, watching her friend's mandibles flare slightly with annoyance. She understood his wish for vengeance after Sidonis' betrayal.

"I guess a few days more won't kill me," Garrus finally replied.

"You'll have him in your crosshairs soon, I promise."

"How did a turian patrol manage to disable a Collector ship?" Tali finally asked, sounding astonished.

Turning to face the young quarian Nick shrugged again. "I have no idea. I asked the same thing, and I didn't get a straight answer. Assuming it was the same one as on Horizon, possibly it was damaged more than we realised? The weird thing is, the hull seems to be intact, but the systems are offline."

"You're right," Garrus remarked. "That smells."

Nick agreed, but in this case she also agreed with the Illusive Man, as much as she hated to admit it. If the Collector ship was truly disabled, this was a chance they couldn't pass by to gather data.

Now she just had to tell Thane that his personal errand had to wait as well. When he had asked if they would be heading to the Citadel soon he hadn't explained any further what he needed. She would ask him as soon as they were on their way there again.

The Collector ship proved to be a trap, and Nick failed to be surprised.

From the moment she boarded the vessel with her shore party the feeling of being watched had settled upon her. The oppressive atmosphere with the countless pods and the heaps of discarded bodies was disturbing enough - what if she hadn't been able to save anybody on Horizon, what if she had found Kaidan's corpse here? - but when EDI informed her that an analysis showed this vessel exactly matched the profile recorded by the Normandy SR-1 it sent shivers down her spine. Nick wanted nothing more than to find the data they had come for, and get off of the ship, ASAP.

There was no way this was a coincidence.

To make things worse EDI found the turian distress call used as bait and told her it was impossible that the Illusive Man could have believed it was genuine, as the secondary encryption had been corrupted, and the Illusive Man had written the detection protocols EDI had used to discover the anomaly.

Nick's blood was boiling when they finally made it back to the Normandy. She felt hyperaware of everything, and when she entered the QEC for the debriefing with the Normandy she couldn't hide her hand twitching to reach for her sidearm.

"You motherfucking bastard," she snarled. "You knew it was a trap, and you still sent me and my team in under false premises."

"Calm yourself, Commander," the Cerberus leader replied cooly. "We're at war, we don't have any time to waste, and we needed that information to make it possible to reach the Collector homeworld." Warily Shepard watched as the Illusive Man stood up. "It was a trap," he admitted, "but I was confident in your abilities. Apart from that, I needed the Collectors to believe they had the upper hand. If I had warned you there are many ways it could have tipped them off."

A derisive snort made it clear she didn't believe a word.

The data EDI had retrieved showed that the Collectors and Reapers used an advanced Identify Friend/Foe system that the relay recognized, making it possible for them to pass unharmed. Now it was up to her and her team to get their hands on the Reaper IFF. Grinding her teeth she stood rooted to the ground for a moment after the connection was cut, flipped a finger at the space where the Illusive Man's image had been shortly before, and headed to Miranda's office.

"You know what the Illusive Moron just told me?" Nick growled, not expecting an answer as she let herself fall onto a chair.

Miranda looked up from her report. "I have no idea, Shepard."

"He just let me know that we need a Reaper IFF, and - wait for it - there is a 37 million year old derelict Reaper in the Thorne system. Isn't that a jolly coincidence?" Sarcasm dripped from every word. "Ach." She waved her hand dismissively. "Assemble the team. Time to break them the happy news about another derelict ship waiting for us, and that the Illusive Man wasn't risking their lives unnecessarily." Air quotes accompanied the last words.

Five minutes later Nick looked into the faces of her squadmates surrounding the table in the briefing room. Disbelieving murmurs filled the room when she informed them about the newest intel.

"Oh, TIM thought I should tell you he isn't risking our lives unnecessarily," she added as an afterthought, laughter erupting around her. She waited for the noise to die down, a grim expression on her face. "Yeah, that's what I thought. He seems to think we're willing to run head on into the next trap, but I don't want anyone to have loose ends when we try to get through the relay."

Silence filled the room as she looked from one to the other.

"We're going to the Citadel now. Garrus, Thane, you both have personal issues that need being taken care of there. Is there anybody else?" Nick paused, waiting for replies. Jack leaned forward. "Jack, I know you want to place a huge fucking bomb on Pragia and blow the Cerberus facility there to smithereens. It's on the list. Everybody else let me know latest when we leave the Citadel again. Dismissed."

As her team filed out of the room she opened her omnitool and typed a short message.

Will be on the Citadel in two days. Any chance of getting that dinner you promised me?

The answer came promptly, but it wasn't what she had hoped for, and with a sigh she closed her omnitool again.

Unfortunately during the next two months it seemed as though she and Kaidan always missed each other by a day or two, but there had always been another mission.

Now not only did she now have a geth down in the AI core, but she had helped him rewrite the geth controlled by the Reapers; the heretics, as Legion called them. Tali had taken that surprisingly well considering how she had reacted when Legion first came aboard. Within less than an hour after returning from the derelict Reaper Nick had had to make sure that Tali and Legion didn't get at each other's throats. Or Tali, at least. She had seemed ready to shoot him on the spot. It, Nick corrected herself. Legion on the other hand was level-headed and logical.

It had taken some yelling to get Tali to stand down, but in the end she had, and Nick was glad that she hadn't had to yell too loudly at least.

Nick rolled her shoulders to get out the tension that had built up in them. She needed a break.

So much had been going on, and she felt oddly restless, as if the end were near. But there was one thing that still had to happen: She still had to have dinner with Kaidan, and she'd be damned if she wouldn't get it. At least this time it looked as though they'd be on the Citadel at the same time judging from the last message he'd sent her.

A ripple of excitement ran through her as she typed her reply.

We're docking at the Citadel the day after tomorrow around 0900, so either lunch or dinner would work fine for me. I'm craving fish and chips!

She sent her message, and checked her log one more time to make sure nothing would come in the way. There was a single assignment open yet, but it was on their way and shouldn't delay them all too much.

A new message popped up on her terminal, and she smiled when she saw Kaidan's response was a voice message.

"Fish and chips?" he laughed. "I actually had something a little more classy in mind, but if you want fish and chips, then fish and chips you shall have. I'm afraid it's going to have to be dinner, I won't be in until 1600." There was a pause, and then he continued in a more somber tone, "I look forward to seeing you, Nick."

Her breath caught in her throat at the sincerity in his voice, and Nick reached out as if she could touch him or his velvety voice, her fingers betraying her with this simple gesture. She missed him so much, more than she wanted to admit; she hungered for the sound of his voice, for the touch of his fingers. A small pang of regret shot through her. She had hoped they would be able to spend almost the whole day together.

She wanted to get the topic Horizon out of the way and defend herself; but mostly she just wanted to be with him. The only thing that kept her going without just shooting everything in sight ever since receiving his apology was knowing that Kaidan wanted to see her; holding on to that thought helped her keep her last bit of sanity.

Well into the evening the next day she and her shore party returned from the last assignment, an odd feeling of foreboding spreading through Nick as she sat in the shuttle with her squad mates while it raced through space.

Something was terribly off.

Nick stood up and began pacing the shuttle, the feeling of wrongness threatening to crush her.

"Miranda, can this thing go any faster? We have to get back to the Normandy ASAP," she said suddenly, urgency in her voice. Nick gazed into the puzzled faces of her squad mates."I don't know if I'm being silly, and honestly I don't give a damn, but I've been worried ever since EDI told me that a number of problems popped up while installing the Reaper IFF, and it's gotten worse by the minute," she explained. "If there's one thing I've learned during my career it's to trust my gut feeling, and my gut feeling tells me shit's about to go down."

Her heart dropped even more when a message from EDI came through, simply saying the Normandy had been attacked, but the situation was now contained. Nick growled - a deep, feral sound - and gripped the handle next to her so hard her knuckles turned white. Minutes felt like hours until the shuttle touched down in Normandy's cargo hold again. Once the shuttle's hatch opened Nick's gaze swept through the empty shuttle bay and landed on Joker, standing there, looking utterly dejected.

He took one look at her face as she jumped out of the shuttle, and took a step back.

"They're all gone," he said in a shaky voice. "The Collectors - they took them all. I couldn't … I couldn't stop them."

"The corruption in the Collector data was even more harmful than the 'black box' Reaper viruses I was given. There was nothing you could do, Jeff," EDI said, popping up behind him.

Shepard didn't look at the AI but kept her eyes on her helmsman instead.

"Squad - square away your equipment, Joker - tell me what happened." She crossed her arms in front of her body while she listened to his report. When he had finished she let let out a long breath and ran a hand through her hair. "How are you holding up?"

Joker opened his mouth to answer, but snapped it shut again and shook his head, looking at the tip of his shoes.

"Goddamn Collectors. This can't happen again," Nick ground out. "Are we ready to get our crew back?"

Lifting his head Joker looked at her. "EDI and I purged the systems. The Reaper IFF is installed. We can go through the Omega 4 relay anytime."

Shepard closed her eyes and took a deep breath. This was it, the final plunge. Not when she had hoped, but the Collectors forced her hand, and now she had no other choice.

"We're going through the Omega 4 relay," she answered and headed for the elevator together with Joker and punched the controls. A sad laugh escaped her as the elevator began moving, and her helmsman shot her a puzzled look. "I guess I won't get my dinner with Kaidan after all."

"I …" Joker began. "I'm sorry, Shepard."

"Yeah." Disappointment and anger laced her voice as she stepped off of the elevator into the CIC.

Almost an hour later Nick stood in her cabin after talking to her team, Kaidan's holo in her hand, fear and anger battling inside her. Growling she set it back on her desk.

"EDI, put me through to Staff Commander Alenko."

"Patching you through, Shepard," the AI confirmed.

Nick sat down at her terminal, waiting for Kaidan to answer the call. Finally the connection was established, and Nick's body clenched with need when his image came into view. No shirt, sweats hanging low on his waist, a towel in his hand. She stared at the terminal, her mouth gone completely dry.

"Nick! This is a surpr - ," Kaidan stopped mid-sentence as he sat down, the smile on his face fading. "What's wrong?"

The shift from pleasantly surprised to worried in his voice brought her back to her senses, and her anger at the Collectors increased tenfold.

It was their fault she had died, their fault he wasn't at her side now, their fault she could only talk to him via vid call instead of feeling his strong arms wrapped around her.

"The Collectors!" she spat angrily. "The goddamned bloody Collectors attacked the Normandy while I was away on a mission and abducted the whole goddamn crew before Joker and EDI managed to purge the ship. Fuck!" She took a deep breath and looked into his eyes, forcing herself to calm down. "I won't make it to the Citadel tomorrow. We're heading through the Omega 4 relay in a little more than an hour."

"Oh my God," Kaidan whispered.

"I am going to tear them limb to limb, Kaidan, and if it's the last thing I do." Nick swallowed. Unshed tears glistened in her eyes as she gazed steadily at him. "I wanted to be able to say good-by this time, because there's a fair chance we won't be coming back from this run. This is a suicide mission."

"Don't talk like that!" The vehemence in his voice caught her unawares. "Don't talk like that," Kaidan repeated in a pained voice. "If there's anyone that can pull this off, it's got to be you. And," he paused, running his hand through moist hair, "we still have to … we have a dinner date for fish and chips I promised you." He closed his eyes briefly, and continued with a rough whisper. "You have to come back. I need you."

They looked at each other silently.

"Will you … keep me company until we go through the relay?" Nick asked, not wanting to let him go again just yet.

"Of course."

Nick settled back, trading almost shy glances with Kaidan. It was comforting though to know he wanted to spend time with her, and as much as she wanted to to defend herself for Horizon, now was not the time. She didn't want to fight, at least not with him. They would talk about that when she came back.

If she came back.

A/N: I hope you enjoyed it. Reviews are always welcome! :)