A/N: Welcome back to a new chapter! Again, like the previous chapter, I couldn't find a good stopping point, so this one is another long one, maybe an even longer one than the previous one. I hope you enjoy it as much as I enjoyed writing it :)
Chapter 15: There's No Place Like Home
I don't even wait and watch the TARDIS disappear the instant I walk out the doors, like I normally do. Instead, I just walk out and continue walking, not looking back; not because I no longer have an interest in watching the TARDIS leave (even though I am, by now, quite used to this and therefore don't necessarily need to watch the ship disappear every time, though I still quite enjoy the spectacle all the same) but rather because I'm so anxious to be back home. Back to my normal 'human' life…or at least as 'normal' as the life of a Time Lord living as a human should be. I'm anxious to find out what's changed in the last eight months I've been away. In all honesty, I doubt much has changed apart from Hazel continuing through the school year without me. I'm sure in all that time, she's been just as anxious for me to return home as I am. After all this time, the day has finally come.
As I walk up to our previously assigned dorm room, I think about surprising Hazel by just simply walking in unannounced and see how she reacts; I bet she'd pee her pants with excitement. I giggle at the image as I finally reach the room and pull out my ID card which also acts as my dorm room key, but when I scan it, it doesn't let me in the room for some odd reason. I try a few more times, but it still doesn't work. For a moment, I think about using my sonic screwdriver to hack the lock and enter that way, but I choose not to at the last second, wanting to try to avoid anything 'Time Lordy' for a while, which would include using my sonic screwdriver for any purposes, even if it's for picking a simple lock. I glumly knock on the door instead, even though it kinda defeats the purpose of the surprise.
To my surprise, it's not my best friend who answers but, rather, an unfamiliar boy.
"Um…hi," I frown at the boy, puzzled as to who he is and what he's doing in our room. "Is Hazel here?" Could he be a friend from one of her classes, like a study-partner? Or possibly a boyfriend?
"Who's Hazel?" the boy asks in a Welsh accent, clearly unfamiliar with the name. Okay, definitely not a boyfriend, or even a 'friend' for that matter.
"Hazel McAdams," I clarify. "She's my friend. This is still her room, right? Rather our room; I'm her roommate. My keycard didn't work for some reason, so that's why I knocked. Are you her friend? Is she here?" I look past the boy and see another boy sitting in his bed with a laptop in his lap, appearing to be playing a video game (even through his headphones, I can hear what sounds like gunshots). Upon seeing me, the other boy stops playing momentarily and waves, and when he does, he smiles at me in a flirtatious way, instantly making me think of Jack Harkness. I smile a little uncomfortably, waving politely back.
"Nope," the boy at the door shakes his head, glancing back at his apparent roommate. "Just me and Isaiah. Don't know anyone named Hazel. Sorry."
"Okay," I nod, still feeling awkward, "no worries. She must've switched rooms and forgot to tell me. Sorry for the confusion. Bye."
"Bye," the Welsh boy replies as he slowly closes the door.
However, as he does, his roommate begins frantically yelling at him not to close the door, and there is a loud crash from the room as the roommate's laptop falls to the floor as he screams about his friend "letting a cute American girl leave without the chance to ask her out." I take that as my cue to rush away immediately, having no interest at all in being asked out by anyone, especially after hearing that, one day, I would be betrayed by someone who would fall in love with me (or vice versa).
Ugh, I growl to myself as I reach the dorm lobby, I am so stupid! Of course they would've assigned new dorm rooms for students every summer! I also feel stupid to not have texted Hazel about the dorm-change before Dad dropped me off. As I reach for my phone, I see that it's blowing up with text messages, one immediately after the other, every single second, which I find strange, as I've only been gone eight months…at least, I'm pretty sure it's only been that long. Ignoring the onslaught of messages, planning to read them later once my phone stops beeping (that is, if it doesn't outright die from the overload), I decide to call Hazel directly.
I begin talking the instant Hazel answers the phone. "Hey, Haze, it's me, Nova! I just got back to the dorm, hoping to surprise you, but apparently they ch—"
"WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN?!" comes her immediate scream through the phone, nearly making me go deaf in the one ear I have my phone pressed to.
"Whoa!" I exclaim, wincing as I pull my phone away from my ear slightly. "Geez, Haze, did you really need to burst my eardrum?" I quickly take note of how angry she sounds, which seems odd as I haven't been gone longer than I said I'd be… At least, I think I haven't. Then again, Hazel has always been quite the Drama Queen, especially in recent years, so this isn't really anything new to her.
"YOU'VE BEEN GONE FOREVER!" she continues screaming through the phone.
However, I don't pay much mind to it, thinking she's just having another of her typical 'Teenage Drama' episodes. "Okay, I think you're overreacting a li—"
"I WAITED FOR YOU! I THOUGHT YOU'D NEVER COME BACK!"
The more she speaks, the angrier she sounds, which is starting to be a bit concerning to me. Perhaps this isn't her typical 'Teenage Drama'…
"Okay, can we talk about this in person?" I suggest as calmly as I can muster, still legitimately confused as to the reasoning for my best friend's apparent psychotic frenzy. "I only just got back, and I'm tired. What's your new dorm room number?"
"I don't live in the dorm anymore," Hazel answers, this time a little calmer, though she still sounds quite vexed. "I live in an apartment now."
Okay, so there's one thing that's changed between us. God knows what else has changed. From Hazel's psychotic behavior through the phone, I'm afraid to find out. Perhaps I've been gone way longer than I thought…
"Okay, what's the address?" I ask, and after she gives it, I reply, "Okay, I'll be there in a bit," before I hang up and input the address in my usual GPS app. I groan in aggravation when I discover that it has begun heavily raining outside, along with a loud clash of thunder.
"Great," I grumble to myself as I walk my belongings out into the pouring rain. "First, I come home to find that the school had switched dorm rooms on us, since I was stupid enough not to contact Hazel about this; next I find Hazel in a psychotic frenzy for whatever reason, which is far from her usual drama, and now I have to walk for half a mile in a raging thunderstorm. What next; an invasion of flying monkeys? Tornadoes? Witches?" The last thing I want is for a sudden tornado to spawn and send me on an unplanned trip to OZ, now that I've just returned to my legitimate home. In all honesty, I wouldn't be surprised if that actually happens.
I am completely soaked to the bone when I finally reach Hazel's new home not far from the campus borders. A few seconds after knocking, Hazel finally answers, still looking considerably pissed off, and I'm shocked to see her hair is significantly longer since the last time I saw her in person; then again, it's been eight months.
"Hey," I smile a little uneasily at her, as she looks ready to slap me, or strangle me, or something that's, apparently, the complete opposite of a warm hug, which disturbs me greatly, as she's never ever greeted me like this before. I wait a few seconds for her to say something or step aside, but she just stands there staring with intense rage. "Uh…may I come in? The weather's getting pretty bad out here," I point out, now beginning to feel incredibly uncomfortable with her behavior as well as cold from the rain.
After another few seconds, she finally steps aside to let me into her apartment, but she doesn't say a single word, and I can't decide if that's a sign that I should run or not. Her behavior is really starting to weird me out.
Nevertheless, I shrug it off and say as I set my bigger-on-the-inside suitcase and normal-sized guitar case aside and hang my soaked jacket (that's sadly not my favorite flower-printed one that was singed during my previous adventure), "Man, it's not fun when you've been gone eight months and come home to this kind of weather. It almost never fails. But then again, it's Engl—"
"Twenty!" Hazel speaks up for the first time since our intense phone call.
"What?" I frown, puzzled as to what she's talking about. Twenty what? Be more specific, sister; I've only been back a little under an hour, and I'm already having a rough day as it is!
"Twenty months!" Hazel specifies, her face turning red as her anger bowls to the max. "You've been gone twenty months! You were supposed to come back this time last year!"
I deepen my frown. "What're you talking about? It's August Twenty-Sixteen, isn't it?"
She shakes her head. "No, Nov! It's August Twenty-Seventeen! You've been gone a year and a half, almost two years! You were supposed to come home a year ago! You promised you would!"
I shake my own head, in utter disbelief. "No! It can't be Twenty-Seventeen! Dad said it was Twenty-Sixteen! He was sure he'd got the coordinates right!"
"Well, he didn't, coz it's Twenty-Seventeen. Check your phone."
I immediately do what she says, and, shockingly enough, the date does, indeed, read "Aug 3rd, 2017." I also see my phone continue to flood with hundreds of text messages and missed calls, not surprisingly all from Hazel. I shut my eyes and groan, realizing that Dad had ended up fat-fingering a time-coordinate when he was inputting the year.
Aw, Dad, how could you do this? I trusted you to have gotten the coordinates right! You said you did, but you didn't! I should never have trusted you!
"Still getting my texts, I see," Hazel comments as she hears my phone ding away seemingly without end. "Now I understand why you've never responded to my messages this entire time you've been gone." She says this in a tone like she thinks I've completely ignored them in the whole time I've been gone, which isn't true at all.
"No, I have, I swear!" I say as I struggle to silence my phone. "Since Dad screwed up the time-coordinates, Time is catching up with me. An entire years' worth of time, apparently. Shut up already!" I growl this last bit at my phone as it continues beeping with endless text messages and missed phone calls, so I simply shut the whole thing down.
"That was the last time I got a message from you," Hazel points out. "Exactly a year ago today! You said you'd be back sometime later that same day! I waited for you, but you never showed! I tried calling you and texting you every day, but you never answered! I even waited outside, watching for that stupid blue box! I was so worried about you! I thought you had died, or had gone back to your parents' home planet, or whatever! I thought I'd never see you again! I was scared I'd never see you again! How could you do that to me? For an entire year?! I thought you were my friend! I thought I was your friend! 'Friends always stick together, for better or worse, even 'til death do us part,' remember?"
"Of course I remember!" I say, incredulous that she'd think I'd forgotten our oath. "I'd never forget something like that, and I certainly would never forget you! I didn't know Dad got the coordinates wrong! How was I supposed to know, anyway?"
"You could've looked over his shoulder!" she shrugs.
I chuckle. "Time-Coordinates are written in Old High Gallifreyan! I can barely understand Traditional Gallifreyan! It's not near as easy as learning Spanish or French, trust me! Even the spoken language is different than the written language—completely different!"
"Well, he should've paid more attention!" she shrugs again. "You shouldn't have just blindly taken his word for it!"
"You're right!" I sigh. "I'm sorry! As much as I want to fix this, I can't! Whatever's happened in the last year is set in stone; I can't change anything about it! Trust me, I really wish I could, but I can't! Doing so would put a hole in the Space/Time Continuum—don't ask how; it's really complicated to explain! I'm sorry! What more do you want from me?!"
"I WANT MY SISTER BACK!"
Hazel's outburst makes me pause for a minute, suddenly realizing that when referring to her 'sister,' she means me. This realization brings a flood of tears to my eyes and makes me lose all powers of speech.
"I want things to go back to the way they were," Hazel admits as she, too, begins sobbing uncontrollably. "Back before I knew Time-Travel existed. Back before I knew your secret to not being human. Back when things actually made sense. Back when things were normal between us. Ever since I was kidnapped, things have changed, and not for the better. For the last year, I've had constant nightmares about what I went through in that damn dungeon. I've had to go through months of therapy, and I still need it today. Every time I close my eyes, I see that witch with the eye-patch; and every time I open my eyes, I fear I'll still see her staring down at me, taunting me about how you'd never come back, that you no longer cared and had left me for good. The guards did that every single day we were trapped in that dungeon, as did the witch. These nightmares have affected my grades a bit too. Last semester, I came really close to flunking out because my grades were so low. I've lost so many hours of sleep because of them—both the nightmares and the bad grades but mostly the nightmares."
I've never noticed the heavy bags under her eyes until she mentioned them. I can also see the scars in her eyes left from the horrors she'd been through in that dungeon as she said. Mercilessly, this ups my guilt, making me think I should've kept my secret from her like my guardians asked. A small part of me regrets telling her my secret, knowing that her knowing the secret has gotten her in so much danger to the point where she has to go through therapy just about every day to keep her from losing her sanity. I mean, going through therapy is bad enough, but it's nowhere near as bad as being used as bait to lure me to the Silence and almost dying of hunger, dehydration and disease in a dark dungeon in order to do so.
"I wish I could forget all that stuff," Hazel finishes after a minute. "I wish I could forget everything."
We remain silent for several minutes, with Hazel sobbing in her hands and me feeling extremely guilty for what she had to go through in my absence. I can imagine everything Hazel described about waiting an entire year for me to return, hoping I would, but by the end of the day I still don't come back. I can imagine how hard that must've been to wait for so long, only for her hopes to be taken away again by the next morning, and for this to happen on a loop every single day that follows, which eventually bled into weeks; and when it started becoming months, Hazel began thinking that something terrible had happened to me and my family and I would never return because of what happened. Hazel seemed to admit that she actually considered a few times in the year that I had completely forgotten about her and so decided to never return and, instead, stuck with my new Time Lord life with my family (this, of course, not being true). I feel awful to have made Hazel believe that I had died or no longer had an interest in coming home because I no longer cared.
If Dad hadn't screwed up the damn coordinates…
"I'm so sorry, Haze," I finally speak up. "If I'd known what you were going through…"
In all honesty, there was really no way for me to have known. So much has happened in the last eight months, and, regrettably, I never had the time to stop to think about what Hazel was doing in my absence. I always figured she'd be simply living her normal human life without me with no worries at all, but I was wrong. I mean, I've texted her a few times when I do have the time between adventures, but I hadn't gotten many replies from her. Usually, I wouldn't get any replies from her until days or weeks later due to the so-called "Time-Differential"; in other words, depending on the time or time period, I could send a message to Hazel (or vice versa), but it wouldn't receive until days, weeks, or months later.
I recall my father explaining more about how Time works in general—how it doesn't run in a straight line, and how it runs in different speeds for different people; for example, depending on the time, a week for me could be a month for Hazel (or vice versa). Since Dad screwed up the time-coordinates and made me return home an entire year late, I missed a lot of time at home and am only now just getting caught up, hence the flood of text messages and missed calls to my phone; no doubt I'm still getting messages even when my phone is powered off.
I don't turn my phone back on and check the messages, but I can imagine most of the messages saying things like "It's been a' X' number of days/weeks/months. Where are you?", "Are you ever going to come home?", "I miss you", etc., and the messages sound more and more desperate and hopeless as time goes on, until eventually the messages stop altogether. I can imagine she stopped sending messages a few months before I came back, but I can't imagine what Hazel did or how she felt during that time. Perhaps, now that I'm back, things would gradually change for the better between us. I may have an opportunity to make amends with her and things would finally go back to normal between us.
"I really wish I'd known," I continue with a heavy sigh. "This wouldn't have happened if I'd paid better attention to Dad's time-coordinates rather than just simply take his word for it. He's not exactly the timeliest person around—pun intended. That, and he's twelve-hundred years old, so his mentality isn't all there sometimes…or so he claims." I then pause, thinking better. "Then again, maybe I should never have told you my secret. You would've been a lot safer if you hadn't known. You wouldn't have felt the need to follow me to London to help me find my parents. More importantly, you wouldn't have to have been targeted by the Silence. This was all my fault. My guardians warned me how dangerous it would've been if I'd told anyone else. I should never have told you. I'm so sorry, Haze."
I honestly don't know if taking Hazel to the hospital and having her arm amputated would've been better than using my Regeneration Energy to heal her arm, like I did that day after the arcade incident back in High School. Sure, if Hazel was taken to the hospital, she would've had to live with one arm for the rest of her life, but perhaps she would've been safer without the knowledge of my Regeneration Energy and everything else pertaining to my being Time Lord.
Or… Better yet… What if, exactly as she said, she completely forgot everything?
No! I shake my head in response to my own thought. No way! Absolutely not! No way am I doing that again, especially to Hazel! She would never forgive me!
But then again…if she doesn't remember…it wouldn't matter anyway…
I am completely unable to prevent the next words from tumbling out of my mouth. "If you want…I can delete your memory."
"What?!" she immediately exclaims at my outrageous suggestion while taking a step back.
"You say you want to forget everything about my secret…" I explain. "I can make that happen. As a Time Lord, I have the ability to delete memories, even alter them to some extent. If you think it'll make you feel better…I can delete your memories of everything you went through in that dungeon. You won't remember a thing."
My words instantly make me think of that time when Dad took me to learn Venusian Aikido, and during training, I had the privilege of meeting the Venusian Prince of the entire planet, who I found out was a big fan of Aikido and would often watch people train for his entertainment. He claimed he had watched me train for quite some time and came to introduce himself and asked me and my father to his Royal Ball where he would choose a bride of which to marry. Of course, I couldn't say 'no' to the invite, so we went, and it was one of the most amazing dances I've ever been to—way better than those lame school dances like Prom and Homecoming. I got to dance most of the night with the prince, which probably made several other women jealous (not that I much cared). Because of this, it was clear who he seemed interested in picking as his princess. Yup, you guessed it! Of course, he chose me as his bride-to-be, which became a huge problem, as 1) I wasn't Venusian, and 2) I had absolutely no prior experience or even the slightest interest in ruling an entire planet, no matter how cool it sounded in the moment. Of course, he was a bit pushy about it, and as much as I wanted to say 'yes' to his proposal, as I admittedly had strong feelings for the prince as well, I had to say 'no' and sadly wipe his memory of him ever meeting me, and I regretted it so much that I hoped I wouldn't ever have to do it again after that, and I don't think I would ever forgive myself if I had to do this to Hazel.
"No!" Hazel frowns, bringing me back to the present. "I don't want you to delete my memories! I don't want to forget you!"
"You won't forget me…per se. You'll just forget everything I told you about my secret. You'll still remember me, but you'll remember me as a human and not as a Time Lord. You'll remember me as 'Sydney Marie Elise' and not as 'Nova Susan Song.'" For some reason, after this was said, it sounds like a lie, and it very well could be, for all I know.
She shakes her head again. "No! I really don't want to forget any of that stuff!"
"Are you sure?" I frown. "These memories are what's been giving you your nightmares."
"I'm sure," she nods. "I don't want to forget anything." She then smiles and says, "Now that you're back, I don't have to worry anymore, knowing you'll protect me."
As she, to my complete and utter astonishment, runs over to hug me, I feel a massive wave of guilt hit me, thinking I won't be around very long to fulfill her wish, knowing I'll only be back for the semester. For all I know, after the semester is over, I might be gone much longer than planned (even longer than this past year) and end up never returning at all. I can't imagine what Hazel would do if that ended up happening, and I hope to God that it doesn't happen. Only Time will tell at this point.
"I'm so happy you're back, Nova," she says, saying my full name rather than my chosen nickname, as she hugs me tightly. "I've really missed you."
"I've missed you too," I hug her back. "I really mean it." I say this last bit, thinking that she doesn't believe me since I've been gone so long.
"I believe you," she assures me. "You wouldn't have come back if you didn't. You're really cold. I'll go get you a towel."
Funnily enough, I never truly felt the cold until Hazel pointed it out just now. "Thanks," I say, shivering on the spot from my soaked clothes and hair as she runs off to fetch me a towel from the laundry room. I thank her again as she offers for me to make myself at home by settling on the sofa and wrapping myself in a blanket to warm my shivering body after I've dried off.
"Since you've been gone so long," Hazel says as she joins me in the Living Room and hands me a hot mug of tea, "you have to tell me everything!"
"Tea, huh?" I chuckle as I graciously take the mug from her. "I see you're finally becoming a native Londoner. Good for you."
"Well, since I never knew when you'd return," she says in a mock-accusing tone, "you gave me no choice but to become one. Not that I mind…about becoming a Londoner, I mean. A lot's changed since you've been gone…aside from the things I already told you."
"Really? You'll have to tell me everything too. You first."
Hazel shrugs and smiles before admitting while her cheeks blush at the same time, "Well, you'd be surprised to know…I have a boyfriend now."
"Really? No way!" I say, genuinely shocked. "Who's the lucky fellow?"
"His name is Billy," she says, her cheeks blushing even more at the mention of the name. "He's really shy and handsome, and he really cares about me… I think." She says that last bit with a frown, like she's uncertain of whether or not that's still true since the day they met.
"You 'think'?" I ask, puzzled as to why she would think her boyfriend wouldn't care about her, which makes no sense, especially with the way that she talks about him, like how one would talk about their celebrity crush.
"He talks about you a lot," she frowns at me, and it almost sounds like an accusation toward me, which is weird, as I've never met anyone named Billy before.
"Me? Why? Do I know him?" How would her boyfriend know who I am, especially since I've been gone for almost two years? Then again, perhaps we had a class together during my first semester at the university, and he had attempted to get close to me at the time but never developed the courage until recently. When he found out Hazel was my best friend, he attempted to get close to her in order to get close to me and to find out when I'll be back so that he can finally ask me out; only while I was gone, their friendship with one another went a different direction, and now he's developed feelings for Hazel and moved on from me… Well, sort of, as he, apparently, is still profusely asking about me, despite being with Hazel.
"I don't think so," she frowns, unsure. "When we first started hanging out as regular friends, I briefly mentioned you as my best friend, and ever since then, he's talked nonstop about how much he wants to meet you. He still does it to this day. It's super annoying."
"Wait! Did you tell him my secret?" I ask, frowning in concern. Could she really have told her boyfriend about my true identity—what I am, who my parents are? She couldn't have told him about all this stuff, right; especially since I told her how vital it was to keep all of this a secret? She wouldn't betray me like that…would she?
"No!" she shakes her head in a way like that's the most ridiculous thing I could ever think her of doing. "Only that you've been my best friend since the First Grade and that time you saved my life when we were attacked by that Sultan at the arcade that summer in High School. I never mentioned your non-humanness or your superpowers, I swear; nor did I mention anything about your dad and his blue box. The only thing I mentioned about your dad is that he's a traveler and you took the semester—and, later, year—off to travel with him. I never mentioned anything about time-travel or the blue box or anything like that." She then pauses for a few seconds and frowns, admitting, "Though…the way he talks about you almost makes it sound like he does know all that stuff. It's really weird. It's almost… obsessive."
"Hmm…" I frown before muttering, "I bet I know why." Perhaps this guy does know who, and specifically what, I am. Perhaps he could be looking to take advantage of me and my energy in some way, like most of my parents' enemies usually intend to do. Perhaps 'Billy' may not truly be who he says he is.
"What do you mean?" Hazel asks in seeming offense.
I shake my head and quickly lie, "Nothing. Never mind. Forget I said anything."
"What?" she automatically accuses me. "You think Billy is an alien or something? You think he's secretly here to take over the world or destroy it? You think his feelings for me are fake?"
I shake my head again. "What? No! I'm not thinking that at all…at least about his feelings for you being fake." At least, not entirely, I think but don't say out loud, knowing she'd go apeshit on me if I did. She's angry enough with me as it is, even though she should be more angry with my father than anyone else. He's the one who didn't pay enough attention to the time-coordinates before he submitted them. He's the one who made Hazel wait an ungodly amount of time for me to return, never knowing when I'd truly return, or if I'd ever return at all.
"So you think he is an alien?" she says, her anger rising. "You've never even met him!"
"No, but I would like to," I say honestly. Not just to see if he's an alien but also to see what he's like and if he's 'the one' for Hazel. Ever since we moved to London, she's always fantasized about having a British boyfriend solely because of their 'sexy accents.'
"What, so you can kick him off this planet for no reason?" she continues her accusation towards me.
Dude! Seriously?! I scoff in my head, getting tired of her behavior toward me since I came back. "Come on, Haze," I sigh out loud, rolling my eyes, "you don't need to be so dramatic. At least no more so than usual…"
"I'm not being dramatic!" she argues. "You are judging Billy before you even met him! How can you possibly know whether or not he's an alien if you've never met him?"
"Whoa, chill out! I never said he was an actual alien!" I say, putting my hands up in surrender. "That's just how I think about people now!"
"What?!" Hazel exclaims, now feeling great offense, and that's when I realize that last bit came out wrong. Well, partially wrong.
"I didn't mean it like that," I say, trying to defend my last statement. "Well, kind of. I mean…" I sigh again, not knowing how best to defend what I said before. "I can't help it! It's just a stupid thought process I was taught from my dad. He taught me I shouldn't trust people right away because I never know if they're secretly aliens that want to do me or my planet harm. He says I shouldn't trust people fully unless I know for sure that they're not going to do any of that stuff. It's a habit he recently got me into. I can't help it! I'm sorry!"
"How could you think that about people?" she says, in utter disbelief. "Not everyone you meet is an alien, you know!"
I shrug, feeling obligated to disagree, given my true species. "Well, technically they are, but that—"
"What's gotten into you?" she interrupts, shaking her head. "Since when did you start acting like this? Since you left way back when, you've come back different. You're not the Nova I remember. The Nova I remember never acted this judgmental."
I groan, wondering how many more times I have to say 'I'm sorry' before she finally accepts my apology as well as my new personality since I returned from my travels with Dad, and maybe even before my previous Regeneration. "I'm sorry! A lot's changed in the last eight months—year and a half, whatever—and it's not just from my last Regeneration… though maybe a part of it is. Regeneration doesn't just change my body; it also changes my personality. I guess, in this Regeneration, I'm a lot more judgmental than I used to be, and I'm sorry if that offends you. Then again, I was also taught a whole new thought process since I last regenerated, so that could be part of it too. You have no idea what all I've been through in the last few weeks alone. I was stuck in a coma for what felt like sixteen years—which apparently aged me sixteen years—reliving my childhood from the 'Sontaran' incident at the arcade onward, but I had to face off with an alternate evil version of myself whom I had to hopelessly watch kill my parents. Then I was falsely accused of murdering an alien King and spent a hellish week in prison, being harassed and abused by inmates who had it out for my father, while, at the same time, discovering that Madame Kovarian had survived the explosion at the Silence base and was recruiting new members to bring her numbers back that had perished in the explosion. Now I'm dealing with the annoyance of my dad having screwed up the time-coordinates and brought me home a whole year late, making you wait an ungodly amount of time for me to come home and fear that I've died or stopped caring. And on top of all of that, you've had to deal with all those nightmares of Kovarian returning to taunt you about me never returning home, or worse. I'm sorry! How many more times do I have to say it?! Why can't you just be happy that I'm finally back?!"
"I am happy you're back, Nov, I really am," Hazel says, and she genuinely sounds honest. "It's just… Like I said, a lot's changed since we've been apart. Even with Billy, it's been lonely here without you. And you've been traveling around, doing who-knows-what who-knows-where, and I never know how long you'll be gone, or if you'll ever come home, having completely forgotten about me."
"Haze, I would never forget you! How could I forget you?"
"I know, but for a while I thought you had forgotten me. Six months after you promised you'd come back, I started thinking that. I felt like I didn't have a choice. You stopped responding to my messages, and I never knew why. I honestly thought something had happened to you, and I was worried, scared even; but you still never answered. I felt like I had no choice but to move on. Thankfully I met Billy around that time."
I sigh. "As I said, I didn't stop responding on purpose. If I'd known Dad had fat-fingered a time-coordinate by accident, this wouldn't have been a problem. Plus, Time runs slower for you than it does for me. While in the TARDIS, a minute for me could be a month for you on Earth."
"That's so weird," Hazel frowns. "How does that work?"
"I honestly have no idea," I shrug back.
"Well, if you're so adamant to find out if Billy is an alien," she says as she pulls out her phone, "I can't wait to prove you wrong. I'll text him and ask him to come over and meet you."
I frown. "Right now? While it's raining?" Who would want to go out in this kind of weather?
"Yeah," Hazel shrugs, "that's the only time he can go outside—when it rains. He has a very rare skin condition that prevents him from going out in the sun; that's why he looks so pale all the time. His skins burns really badly when it's exposed to the sun; I mean, it literally smokes in the sun. It's the strangest thing. He has to wear special clothing that repels sunbeams. Sometimes when it's super sunny, he refuses to go outside at all, or anywhere the sun shines through. He always has to have the windows and blinds closed so no sun gets through at all."
"Hmm…" I say, deepening my frown, "I never knew anyone to be so sensitive to the sun. He must be like a vampire, or something." I say this last bit as a joke.
"I guess so," she chuckles back. "Also, you'll be happy to know I've got the other bedroom back there saved for you. I made sure to get a two-bedroom apartment when I moved here so that you could have your own bedroom, should you ever return. I've been using it for storage, but I can clear it out for you to move in. I kept a lot of your old things and stored them in the closet in there."
"Oh, wow!" I say in genuine shock. "That's really awesome! Thanks, Haze! When you mentioned you had a boyfriend, my first thought was you'd given the bedroom to him." To me, the second bedroom already looked occupied from all the clutter I could see from my vantage point at the front door, but I never realized it was used for storage purposes only…at least, it would be like that until I came back, or when someone else was offered to use it. I figured Hazel would've given the extra room to her boyfriend, and I was surprised to find out that was not the case. It's nice to think that, even after all this time, she still cares about me and thinks me as her 'sister,' and she has absolutely no idea how much that means to me.
Hazel shrugs and says honestly, "For a while, I thought about it but always changed my mind at the last second. If you'd returned after he'd occupied the other bedroom, I would've felt awful."
"Nah, I would've been fine," I shake my head. "I wouldn't have minded taking the sofa…uh, if that was cool with you. I hardly sleep much anyway."
"Are you sure you would've been okay with that?" Hazel asks, unsure of whether or not I would've truly minded. "I had almost given the room to him."
"Seriously, that would not have been a problem. Look at it this way. If some psycho tried breaking into the apartment, they'll have to face me first to get to you and Billy, wouldn't they?"
"I guess so," she shrugs before checking her phone. "Anyway, he says he's on his way. He said he was just finishing something up with his mom and brother, and he's walking over now. He and his mom and brother are relatively new here. They moved here about six months after you were originally supposed to come home. His mom's the new school nurse."
"Interesting," I say, raising a quizzical eyebrow. And strangely suspicious, I add in my head, thinking about the timing of their arrival, which, according to Hazel, was not long after I had originally planned to come home. The truth of why I think this is so suspicious is that, normally when news or rumors of Dad's and my arrival spread, disaster strikes not long thereafter; that being said, I can't help but think that Hazel's new boyfriend and his mother and brother may not be all that they seem and may be here for more nefarious purposes, which may or may not involve me and my being a Time Lord. Scenarios like this generally tend to happen, no matter where Dad and I go. "Uh, but I'm sure Billy is really nice," I finish quickly out loud. "I can't wait to meet him too."
"And don't think about trying to steal him!" Hazel says in a way that I honestly can't tell if she's teasing or not. "He may have been impatient about meeting you, but he's mine!"
"Hey, I wouldn't dream of it," I shake my head. "As you said, he's your boyfriend. Plus, I don't plan on dating anyone anytime soon…or maybe ever." Which is sad, because I always imagined that I would fall in love and marry the perfect man, just like my mother with my father...well, at least after she had tried to kill him multiple times under the Silence's influence. Not that this would ever happen to me, needless to say. I choose to keep this thought to myself, however.
"Why not?" Hazel asks, puzzled. "Coz you think it wouldn't work between a human and a Time Lord?"
I sigh. "No, it's not that. Actually, that worked well for my parents; you forget my mother is half-human. Anyway, it's…something else."
"What?" she asks, noticing my hesitance to explain, but I decide to go ahead and tell her anyway.
"Well, I was told that I would be betrayed by someone I would fall in love with," I shrug, "or by someone who would fall in love with me; I'm really not sure. It wasn't entirely clear. Most prophecies aren't."
"There's a whole prophecy about you?" Hazel frowns with concern.
"Well, I wouldn't call it a 'whole' prophecy. More like broken pieces of one, though I don't know if they have any connection with each other. I mean, none of them have happened yet…at least as far as I know. From what I was told about them—which wasn't really much—they all sounded completely separate." In all honesty, I'm not entirely sure if these three things are considered as a legit prophecy, but they definitely sounded prophetic to me with the way the Shopkeeper mentioned them.
"What were they?" Hazel asks curiously.
I sigh before explaining. "Well, there's that one I mentioned—about me being betrayed by a future lover. Then I was told I would reunite with someone whom I've 'thought to be long dead'; I'm not sure who that could be." I then pause before admitting, "But the third one scares me the most."
"What is it?"
"Well, I was told that 'a great darkness' was coming for me, and when it comes, I would 'be obligated to make a sacrifice' that would make me 'lose everything in the end.'" I say each part with air-quotes.
"'A great darkness'?" Hazel frowns. "Could that be the Silence?"
I shrug. "Maybe. They could be the 'darkness,' or a part of it. Or maybe they'll somehow be affected by the 'darkness.' I'm really not sure. I'm sure they have some part of it, though."
Could this last thing be linked to Dad's "Silence will fall" prophecy? Could 'the darkness' be the so-called 'Fall of the Eleventh' or what causes the Silence to 'fall?'
"And the part about you having to make a sacrifice…" Hazel asks nervously. "What sort of sacrifice would you have to make? I hope it's nothing like…your life."
"Me too," I nod. "That's the part that scares me. I'm not sure what I'll be forced to sacrifice, but I was told it's something big." I am genuinely still surprised by how much it seemed to scare the Shopkeeper to make him feel genuine sorrow for me.
' What you will lose… I hope it's worth it.' Could he have meant my life?
"Do you believe any of that stuff is actually true?"
"I don't know," I shrug. "The guy that told me claimed that he'd seen these things happen in my future in a vision, so whether or not I believe them doesn't really matter."
Hazel shrugs. "Well, even if they do happen, I'm sure you'll be able to find a way around them, right, like your dad at the lake? Or, if not, maybe they'll end up being a lot less gruesome than you think."
"God, I sure hope so," I sigh heavily. "Only Time will tell."
Our conversation is interrupted when there is a sudden loud knock on the door to the apartment. Upon hearing this, I automatically jump up from the sofa and stand in front of the door with my sonic screwdriver in hand, thinking the person on the other side is a dangerous intruder, particularly a surviving Silence member that had come back for me after somehow discovering my return.
"Wait!" Hazel says, pulling me back by the shoulder. "I think it might be Billy."
"How can you be sure?" I say doubtfully as my protective instincts eat away at my brain.
"He says he's outside the door," Hazel confirms, holding up her phone to show her latest text message from him saying 'I'm here outside door' along with a kissy-face emoji. Still in doubt, I watch as she steps past me and opens the door. "Hey, babes," she greets the person on the other side with a smile. "Glad you could come over."
"Same here," answers an extremely pale blonde boy in a British accent, wearing all black, who steps into the apartment, lowering his hood. "The weather's gotten worse out there. Thankfully I arrived here just in time."
As Hazel goes to kiss him, he oddly dodges the kiss and forces her to peck his cheek instead. After she kisses him, apparently not thinking too much about his obvious dodge, and closes the apartment door, Hazel comments on her belief that the boy didn't seem to mind storms since he always seems to insist on going out when the sun isn't out. Admittedly to me, this is very odd behavior, but given the boy's aforementioned 'skin condition,' I shouldn't judge, at least too much.
"Oh, hi," he says once he sees me and holds out a hand for me to shake. "I'm Billy, Hazel's boyfriend. You're Nova, right?"
At first, I think about confirming my true identity (minus the "being a Time Lord" part, of course), but I decide against it at the last second, feeling that using my old 'Sydney Elise' persona around him and whenever I'm out in public might be safer from now on. I remember Dad recommending that I do this while I'm out traveling on my own, and to only use my true name around people I trust.
"No," I say at the same time as Hazel says "Yes," which, no surprise, greatly confuses Billy (if that's even his real name). He frowns at both of us, but mostly at me, seemingly believing that I'm lying about my true identity, which I obviously am for safety reasons. Ignoring the awkward silence that follows, I shrug and say, "Ah, that's just a silly nickname. My real name is Sydney. Sydney Elise. How do you do?"
When I shake his hand, it feels super cold and clammy to the touch, almost like how a corpse would feel. Then again, he'd just come from being out in the cold rain, so his clamminess could simply come from that—nothing unnatural about that at all, right? Seeing Hazel's quizzical frown, I shoot her a pleading 'just go along with it, I'll explain later' look back.
"Nov, what—?" she attempts to ask anyway, but I stop her, deepening my glare.
'Shut up, Haze,' I snap at her, projecting my thoughts telepathically to her, thinking my sideways look wasn't enough to make her understand the importance of my message. 'I'll explain later. Just go along with it, please, I'm serious.' Once I finish my message, I see her eyes widen in shock at the fact that I'd just spoken to her telepathically and is rendered silent seemingly out of fear. I turn back to Billy and smile in a poor attempt to act like nothing is wrong.
"Uh…okay then, Sydney," he says in a confused tone (though, to me, his tone seems more doubtful) but remains polite. "Nice to meet you too. Hazel's told me all about you. About your childhood together… About the alien attack at your local arcade that you saved her life from; that was a particularly interesting story. That must've been utterly terrifying for you. It definitely was for Hazel."
"Uh, yeah, it was," I nod, trying to speak through the perspective of a regular human being. "I thought that Sont—uh, thing was going to kill us. Thank God it didn't." Since I've been traveling with Dad for so long, he's taught my mind to think like a true Time Lord, but since I've returned to life on Earth (at least temporarily), it's going to take a while to get my mind back to thinking like a regular human, lest my true identity be exposed.
"Haze said she was shot in the arm," Billy continues, "and you healed her. How did you do that? She refuses to tell me."
"Yeah, I did!" Hazel speaks up. "I told you it was with a special ointment in my family's First-Aid Kit. She used it on my arm, and it healed."
I give a subtle smile towards her for her clever coverup for my Regeneration Energy before shrugging at Billy in agreement. "It's true. That was literally all I used."
He sighs in seeming disappointment at my response, making me think he was expecting me to reveal my Regeneration power to him, which I, of course, would never do, especially around him, who I've only just met. "Well, you must be a really good doctor then," he says, enunciating the word 'doctor' like he knows my secret anyway (despite Hazel claiming that she never told him), as well as saying the word with a hint of disgust, which ups my suspicions towards him.
"Uh…yeah," I say, frowning at him and shifting uncomfortably on my feet. "I guess I am."
Ignoring the awkwardness (or as a way of putting his 'poker face' back on), he smiles as he drapes his arm over Hazel's shoulders like how a typical boyfriend would do with his girlfriend. "Well, it's good to have you back," he says, sounding almost completely honest. "Haze told me you were supposed to come back last year, but you never came back. She got so worried; said she hadn't heard from you all year. Where were you all this time?"
"I was…traveling," I shrug, feeling that that's the best lie (at least one that he'll actually believe) I can come up with…well, more of a partial lie.
Billy frowns, not seeming to buy my lie. "Really? Nonstop? For almost two years?"
"Uh…yeah," I say as I struggle to come up with a believable story. "We…ended up having to extend our trip. We didn't really expect to; it just sort of…happened. Sorry. I would've come back sooner, but there were, uh…complications. Anyway, I'm back now."
"Good. We really needed you," Billy says before pausing and rephrasing what he just said, thinking that last bit sounded slightly creepier than he intended. "Uh, Hazel did. She said she'd missed her 'sister' and longed for her to come back."
"Well, here I am, back again!" I say, spreading my arms out like a showman. "Tada!"
"You'll have to tell us about where you've been all this time," he suggests, his voice sounding eager. "I'm sure you've got some great stories to tell. I'd love to hear them. I assume that's why Hazel invited me here…" He turns to her for clarification, but she looks at me for clarification instead, making me feel obligated to agree.
"Uh…yes. I suppose I could," I tell Billy, shrugging uncomfortably.
"Brilliant!" he smiles like an excited kid at Christmas. "We're all ears!"
I groan internally as we return to the Living Room. After Hazel brews more hot tea for us, I spend the next few hours coming up with believable stories to tell Billy without making him suspicious as well as reveal anything about my secret. I try answering his questions as 'truthfully' as possible, thankfully with Hazel's help. I am very appreciative of her whenever she interrupts me and makes up stories of her own, at least when talking about our childhood, to help mask my true identity and the truth of my family and my travels. I make up a story about my parents as explorers, with my mother as an Archaeologist (which is already true) and father as a Historian, and how I accompanied them on their adventures and expeditions most of the year as their assistant.
At one point, I learn a little about Billy—how he and his mother and brother moved from Blackpool, England after a major family crisis that they intended to escape and start a fresh new life. Unfortunately, I couldn't get many details from him, as, strangely enough, he seems more interested in learning about me rather than talking about his own life. When he asks about my 'nickname,' I explain how my parents were very into Astronomy and "all things Outer Space," that being where the name 'Nova' came from (which is a half-lie, of course). "Seriously, it's just a stupid nickname," I shrug and laugh, trying to sound embarrassed. "You can call me Sydney. That's what I prefer."
"Okay then," he shrugs in seeming disappointment, again like he expected me to admit who I really am, which I, of course, don't. "As always, it was brilliant to meet you, Sydney." Again, he enunciates the word 'Sydney' like he's not convinced that that's my true name, which, again, isn't.
"You too," I say, shaking Billy's ice-cold hand, before sighing and saying, "Well, I should get to bed. As you know, I had a long trip, and I'm exhausted."
"Sure, you are," he says in a way like he totally believes me. "I can totally understand, you being gone for an entire year."
"Trust me, it was much longer than that," I mutter before smiling and suggesting kindly, "Anyway, I'm sure we can do something together tomorrow. I'll have to enroll for classes before they start in a few weeks. That is, if I'm still enrolled…"
"I'm sure you are, Nov—Syd," Hazel says before quickly correcting my nickname.
"Yes, I would love that," Billy agrees, smiling back.
"Wait," Hazel turns to her boyfriend, frowning at him, "it's supposed to be sunny tomorrow. I thought you couldn't be out in the sun. You'll burn."
"I'll just wear extra sunscreen," he shrugs.
"I thought sunscreen didn't work for you," I frown at him. "Hazel told me about your skin condition. I'm sorry."
"That's alright," he shrugs before suggesting, "Maybe you guys can come over to my place; that way I won't have to go outside."
This suggestion, for some reason, makes an uncomfortable feeling run down my spine, but, thankfully, Hazel speaks up, suggesting in an apologetic tone, "Um…actually, Billy… I was kinda planning to do something tomorrow with Syd, just the two of us. I haven't seen her in ages, you understand, and I'd like to catch up with my 'sister' alone."
Her boyfriend frowns, seeming hurt, and maybe a tad bit angry too, at least to me. "Oh. Okay. No worries. We'll just hang out another time. Just text me."
"I will," she smiles as she pecks his cheek again, this time voluntarily, as we all rise to our feet and head toward the exit. "I'm sorry, babe. It's nothing personal. It's just…she's been gone so long…"
"I get it," Billy says as he raises the hood of his jacket up and steps out into the pouring rain. "I'll see you guys later."
"Bye, Billy," I wave at him.
"Bye, babes. I'm sorry," Hazel says before closing the apartment door behind him. She then asks, turning back to me, "Still think he's an alien?"
"Perhaps not," I shrug back, trying not to make it sound like a lie, even though it does sound like one to me.
Stupid rule! I grumble to myself, thinking of Dad's number-one rule, 'The Doctor lies.' Why does that have to be 'Number One' with you, Dad? Why does that have to be 'Rule Number One' for anyone? It's ridiculous!
"Is that a lie?" Hazel asks suspiciously, sensing that it's, indeed, a lie.
"Of course not!" I lie once more. "You've convinced me; he's a perfectly ordinary guy. I'm sorry I believed otherwise."
"You better be," she snorts before returning to the sofa and frowning. "That being said, why did you insist on using your other name with Billy? Surely using your real name would've been absolutely fine? I mean, there're lots of girls in the world named Nova, right?"
"Right," I shrug, continuing to lie; at least, that's what it feels like I'm doing, but I'm not entirely sure. "I don't know. I guess I just…felt like using it again, since that's the name I enrolled here as. I figured I'd start using it again, since I kinda miss using it." The last part isn't entirely a lie, as I truly miss the days when I believed 'Sydney Marie Elise' was my true name…at least until I was proven otherwise. Oh, how much I would give to go back to that life. Oh, how much I would give to make that life a reality once again—permanently, this time.
"No, you don't," she says in an accusatory tone, shaking her head. "Don't lie. You're really bad at it."
"I'm not lying…" I frown back, "at least not fully. I genuinely miss hearing my other name. That, and I don't want anybody knowing my true name in case…you know…people are not who they say they are."
"What, like Billy?" Hazel snaps, now seeming offended. "After everything he told you about himself, you still think him to secretly be an alien, deep down? He's not, Nova! He really isn't! I've known him for six months! Sure, he's a little odd with the way he acts and dresses, but it's because of his condition; it's something I have to keep reminding myself of. Unlike you, I don't judge him too much about it."
"Look, I'm sorry, okay?" I groan. "I don't mean to judge Billy behind his back. As I said, it's a stupid thought process my father got me into. Trust me, I don't appreciate it. I can't help it! He's taught me a lot of things; things I never even thought possible! I wish I could explain everything to you, but…you just wouldn't understand."
"Why? Coz I'm human?" she continues accusing me for what seems, to me, like absolutely no reason, before paraphrasing what my father said long ago. "Coz my 'undeveloped human brain' couldn't possibly understand how Time Lord technology—or Time Lord 'things' in general—works? What's gotten into you, Nova? You've changed so much!"
"I told you; a lot has changed!" I sigh, thinking this argument is getting pointless. "As Dad says, it's 'the curse of the Time Lords'! I don't have any control over that! Believe me, I really wish I could! How much I would give to be human again—permanently! But I can't! I have a responsibility now! Once Dad dies, someone has to take over the family business as 'the next Doctor'! I am the only one who can take over! There's no-one else, not even my mother! There are no other Time Lords! There's just us! Just me! I'm sorry, Haze, but you just can't understand that, no matter how much you want to! I have to do this alone! It's my destiny!"
"And here I thought you didn't give a shit about destiny," she says as tears begin slipping down her cheeks. "You seemed very clear about that earlier, when you mentioned that 'prophecy' about you sacrificing everything in the end."
"That's different!" I protest. "That's…" I pause, now struggling to understand the stress Dad has unconsciously put me in and explain it in a way my best friend would understand, but I just can't for the life of me, which infuriates me beyond belief. "It's complicated!" I groan. "I can't explain it!" I am having a hard time explaining it even to myself, but I feel embarrassed to admit it in front of her.
"Then don't!" she snaps back. "As you said, I'm only human. I can't possibly understand Time Lord things, no matter how much I want to. I'll never understand. I'll never understand anything about you Time Lords…whatever that even is anymore." She then looks up at me with puffy eyes, but through her eyes, I can see a complete stranger reflecting back. "I don't even know who you are anymore…" she admits with a regretful sigh.
Her words render me almost completely and utterly speechless. How could she say that? How could she say that, after all we've been through?
"Haze—" I start to say, desperately wanting to prove her otherwise—that nothing has truly changed between us, and that I'm still the same girl she's known since the First Grade, despite being gone for so long and coming into my Time Lord heritage during that time—but she stops me.
"I'm going to bed early," she sniffles as she turns away toward her room, refusing to look at me anymore. "As I said, I saved that other room for you; it's got your own bathroom and everything. I hope you like it. I also left you a spare key on your table. See you in the morning…unless you choose to leave again." She then enters her bedroom and immediately slams the door, indicating that she's through talking for the night.
I desperately want to call her back and tell her she's being ridiculous with thinking I've come back an entirely different person—a complete stranger—which I'm not, but instead I sigh and gather my things and bring them to the spare bedroom Hazel saved for me. I unceremoniously drop my belongings on the floor and kick one of the legs of the bed in anger before cursing in pain and sitting on the side of the bed while rubbing the sore spot on my foot.
As I soothe my aching foot, I see a framed picture at the corner of my eye on the nightstand, and I reach out to inspect it. I immediately recognize the selfie Hazel took of us together overlooking the city while atop the London Eye just an hour before disaster struck and both of our lives changed forever (mine, in particular, quite literally changing because of Regeneration). The time at which the photo was taken was also the last time in our lives when things were truly normal between us, before I knew anything of my Time Lord heritage, and everything began making less and less sense. Before our 'sisterhood' began truly tearing apart…until now.
On that thought, as I sadly reminisce the event, I begin hearing Hazel sobbing in the room on the other side of the wall from mine. Through the wall, I can sense her sadness to have lost her best friend—no, her sister—even though I am physically in the room next door to her. I can also sense her anger at how much both of our lives have changed over the last two years (at least from Hazel's point of view) and her longing for things to return to the way things were before I told her my secret, which makes me think more on the possibility of wiping her memory of the events. Perhaps Haze would've been safer, had she not known my secret. Admittedly, I feel stupid to not have done what my guardians told me, about not telling anyone else about my secret, knowing how dangerous the knowledge would cause; but at the time I didn't care, and I never knew how truly dangerous things would've become until now. A small part of me wishes I never told Hazel in the first place.
Then again, if I'd never told her, I would've felt even more alone then than how I felt after I told her, and maybe even more then than I still do at this very moment. Before I told her, I hoped I would've had a forgotten Time Lord sister somewhere in the universe to share my secret with—of course that was before I found out I did have a sister that was exactly like me, according to my father, but she had died saving his life—but until then, I felt like I just couldn't keep it between my guardians and myself, and I feared I would feel so alone if I didn't tell at least one person outside the house. I honestly don't think I would've been able to live with myself, had I never told Hazel my secret, and for a while I was so glad I did and that she accepted it so easily. Now, I'm not so sure anymore, as she doesn't seem to accept it the way she used to, or that she flat-out refuses to accept it as it is now.
I can't help but think that this is what Regeneration generally feels like for a Time Lord; frankly, I never thought to ask my father about it, and a small part of me regrets not asking. I know how much of a struggle it is for people to accept change (especially for me), and I can imagine it being an even bigger struggle with Time Lords, especially when it's their time to regenerate, or when other people witness it who are witnessing it for the first time. I can imagine how hard it must've been for Dad's past companions to witness his Regeneration firsthand, how scary it must've felt, and how long it must've took to accept the change—accept the fact that this new person standing in front of them is still the Doctor (still my father) they've known since the beginning, just with a new face—whether one managed to accept it at all, and I feel like I am experiencing this exact thing with Hazel. Frustratingly, I feel like Hazel is refusing to accept my new body and personality since my previous Regeneration, and I don't know what to do to help Hazel accept the change or even show I'm still me.
Regrettably, I feel the only way she would accept is by having her memories erased, but I refuse to do that, especially after hearing Dad's story of when he had no choice but to do this to his friend, Donna Noble, to save her life. Not that wiping Hazel's memories of me would kill her (even though the exact opposite had happened to Donna), but I just don't think I'll be able to live with myself if I had to go through the exact same thing as Dad, but with Hazel instead of Donna. I remember Hazel making it very clear that she didn't want her memories to be wiped, but, regardless of what she said, I choose to keep the possibility in the cards for now, but I hope to God to never actually have to pull it out and use it.
Dear God, please, please, please don't make me. I'll never forgive you if you do…
I suddenly remember the fear of my 'non-humanness' putting a huge strain on my friendship with Hazel, and how this exact fear had just come to light during our earlier argument. I feared that things would change so much between us to the point of us becoming distant from one another because of the differences between us that have appeared over the last several months. No matter where I went or how long I'd be away from her, I always believed things would stay the same between us, no matter what's changed in our lives, and we would "always stick together, for better or worse", but things have gotten worse because of these changes, and I can't help but feel like the changes won't bring us back together and keep us together, just as I'd feared way back when.
This thought also makes me think of that time in my 'coma world,' when Hazel behaved almost identically toward me in that world as she did five minutes ago. How she refused to even look me in the eye because she couldn't see me, and not at all because of true blindness. How she was no longer able to see me for who I truly was and still am to her to this day, even an entire year later—Nova Susan Song as well as Sydney Marie Elise. How now, she no longer sees me as a best friend but, rather, as a complete stranger. It's honestly hard to imagine whether Hazel had ever come to the same conclusion and feared the same, or whether she'll ever truly see how much her behavior has hurt me and how much I've hurt her since the day I told her my secret.
As I feel my eyes filling with tears, I think about how much we both have struggled and suffered in our own ways while we've been apart—with Hazel experiencing nightmares and fears of me never coming home, and me struggling to process everything I've been taught by my father while on our travels together in Time and Space—and I sincerely hope things will be better between us in the morning after a good night's rest. I have longed for a long vacation from Timelording, and I can imagine Hazel has longed for a good night's sleep for the first time in a year and a half as well as have her 'sister' back, especially now that I've returned.
Whether my return is temporary or not, it doesn't matter. I will make sure things get better between us in the days, weeks, and months moving forward, and I will not let anything get in my way until I do. I swear.
A/N: TO BE CONTINUED!
If I could give a moral for this particular chapter, it would be: "Regeneration sucks". As massive Whovians, we all know how hard it is to accept the new Doctor, no matter who takes over the role after our favorite one leaves/regenerates, as do the companions travelling with said Doctor that's being replaced. That being said, in this chapter, you've read and most likely paid attention to the fact that Hazel has literally gone through the exact same thing with Nova. In Hazel's eyes, since Nova came home, Nova seems to have changed drastically ("regenerated," if you will), particularly with her slightly more judgmental attitude that her dad unconsciously put her in, and Hazel does not approve of this behavior, even when Nova says that this is who she is now, which led to their argument at the end of the chapter. In Nova's eyes, she believes that her previous regeneration (and her long time away from Hazel) has led to this argument with Hazel, and she thinks Regeneration sucks in general because of it. If she was completely human (better yet, had she not told Hazel her secret in the first place), they wouldn't have had this argument, and their friendship wouldn't be so strained. Let me know in the comments what your thoughts are on this. Do you agree? Disagree? Let me know :)
Also, what are your thought about Hazel's new boyfriend, Billy? Do you trust him? Not trust him? Is Nova wrong not to trust him, or could she be right? Share your thoughts in the comments :)
As always, friendly reminder that kudos, comments, and favs are appreciated and will keep me motivated to post more often. I see that many of you are reading my works but not subscribing, favoriting, or commenting on them. I always encourage feedback from my readers and enjoy reading about my readers' favorite moments. I'm sure everyone has at least one favorite moment. Please, please, please share them! I would love to talk about them.
Also, friendly reminder that I tend to have a major habit of rewriting things, so be sure to check back every once in a while (maybe even reread the previous chapter or chapters) to keep up to date on any changes I may make or add.