Chapter 19

Although Mr. Darcy had stayed up late writing the letter he planned to deliver to Elizabeth, he got up at dawn. He asked his valet to bring breakfast to his room because he did not want to see anyone. As soon as the first rays of the sun began to illuminate the park, he went in search of Elizabeth. He knew she liked to walk early in the morning, so he was sure he would find her around there. He could not give her something so personal and compromise her in front of other people.

Richard offered to say goodbye to the Collinses on behalf of both, explaining that his cousin was not feeling well. Also, Mr. Darcy told Richard that if Miss Bennet asked him any questions about Wickham and his accident, he should confirm the information. Although the Colonel was quite intrigued by the matter, he preferred not to ask any questions. He saw his cousin very upset.

Mr. Darcy did not know what fate Richard had suffered the previous day after speaking with Lady Catherine because they had not seen each other that morning. But the trip to London was long enough for them to discuss that and much more.

When he finally reached the top of the path, he leaned against a tree trunk and stood there waiting. From that place, he could perfectly see everyone walking around the park.

Elizabeth got up very early, too. After dressing and having a glass of water, she left the parsonage for the park. The Collinses were not early risers, so after walking and clearing her mind, she would arrive in time to join them for breakfast.

As she walked, Elizabeth could not help but think about the argument with Mr. Darcy the previous day. Though she felt pain, she did not regret rejecting him. He had behaved in a horrible manner with her. First, he lied and treated her like an inferior. Then, in his arrogant opinion, she almost had to thank him for the great sacrifice he was making by proposing.

But besides that, she was troubled and confused every time she saw the handkerchief Mr. Darcy gave her the day before. She was sure it was the one she lost in Netherfield the night of the ball in honor of Jane. She could not help wondering how that handkerchief had gotten into Mr. Darcy's hands and why he was carrying it in the pocket of his tailcoat.

After walking for about ten minutes, she spotted a familiar figure on the top of the path. When she realized who the person was, he was already walking in her direction. Unfortunately, it was too late to get away from him, and she had no choice but to face the situation in the best possible way.

When Mr. Darcy saw Elizabeth, he immediately started walking toward her. He did not want her to avoid him taking one of the side paths. As soon as he was close enough, he spoke without hesitation. "I have been waiting for you for a while. Miss Bennet, I wanted to give you this." He took the letter out of his coat pocket and handed it to her. "I hope you will do me the honor of reading it." He noticed Elizabeth's pale appearance and could not help but feel a little guilty.

Elizabeth received the letter almost without thinking. She was confused and did not know what else to do. He had spoken very curtly, and she noticed that he never looked into her eyes when he talked to her.

"Good morning, Miss Bennet," Mr. Darcy finally said, bowed, and left.

Elizabeth watched as he walked away with the letter still in her hand. When she finally reacted, she put it in her pelisse pocket and wandered for several minutes. Finally, when she reached the top of the hill, she sat on the trunk of a fallen tree, took the letter out of her pocket, and began to read it.

In the first part, he explained in detail each of the Bennet family's actions that constantly generated friction within the Bingley family. He also explained how that behavior could affect his friend and his family's reputation. Further, he explained that he genuinely cared for his friend, and because of that, he asked his aunt, Lady Victoria, to help Mrs. Bingley adjust to her new life in London.

... I am sorry that you had misinterpreted each of my actions as purely selfish acts that sought to harm your sister when that was never my intention but rather the opposite. Madam, regarding that subject, I have nothing more to say and no more apologies to offer.

"Of course, the wealthy and powerful Mr. Darcy always knows what is best, and everyone else must accept what he says and orders without questioning him. You are nothing but a proud and conceited man, William," Elizabeth said angrily.

After taking a deep breath, she continued reading. At first, she was shocked by the revelation Mr. Darcy shared with her. So much so that she had to reread it to ensure she had not misunderstood his words. By that time, her anger had subsided, and she even felt a little ashamed that she had trusted an immoral and lying scoundrel like Mr. Wickham. But besides that, she felt sympathy and concern for Miss Darcy. Jane described her as a timid girl with almost no personality. She had been the prey of a liar, and to think that something similar had happened to a young lady as helpless as her made her feel a lot of compassion.

But the last part of the letter left her completely and utterly perplexed, and she did not know what to believe. She read and reread it many times, wondering if it was true or just another of William's lies.

... but that man, not satisfied with having taken advantage of my father's affection for him, used my sister to take revenge on me. When I confronted him for his horrible actions, he attacked me from behind, hitting me in the head with a blunt object in front of Georgiana, who saw me fall lifeless at her feet. That was the accident that kept me in London, did not allow me to attend Bingley's wedding, and kept me away from everyone. The blow was so strong that it left me with partial memory loss, and I still cannot remember anything that happened in my life the year before that fateful day. If you have any doubts about what I am sharing with you, do not hesitate to ask my cousin, Colonel Fitzwilliam, or through your sister, my aunt, Lady Victoria. Both will confirm that everything I have told you in this letter is true.

"Is that why he does not seem to remember anything that happened between us? But that does not excuse him for lying to me and pretending to be someone he was not." Elizabeth paced restlessly. But it was already a little late, and she did not want Charlotte to worry. She had not had breakfast with them in the last few days and had to think of a good excuse to explain why she had been out for so many hours. But, at that time, she just wanted to talk to Mr. Darcy to clarify everything.

Unfortunately, when she arrived at the parsonage, her friend and Mr. Collins informed her that Colonel Fitzwilliam had come to say goodbye but could not wait for her because he and his cousin were leaving for London that same morning.

Elizabeth excused herself and went to her room. 'Perhaps it is better to forget about all of this. William was never a real person and never will be. The only real one is Fitzwilliam Darcy, who considers me unworthy of him,' Elizabeth thought, wiping away tears.

On the trip to London, Mr. Darcy hardly spoke, and although Richard tried to cheer him up with his usual good humor, he could do nothing to get his cousin out of the state he was in. He knew him better than anyone, and giving him space and time was best. Later, he would talk and clarify some things with him.

"Lady Catherine was furious, Darcy. Prepare to receive many letters full of reprimands," the Colonel said with a laugh.

"That is easy to fix, Fitzwilliam. Your father taught me the trick."

"Do not tell me, throw all the letters in the fireplace?"

"Precisely," Mr. Darcy replied as Richard laughed merrily.

P&P

After spending four days in bed, Louisa had gotten up. Caroline was staying with them so she could keep her sister company. However, if Louisa was honest, she no longer enjoyed her sister's superfluous and catty talk. Something had changed in her forever, and she felt that she should find some purpose in her life and do something more than spend money and gossip about people she did not care about. Unwittingly, Jane had shown her that she could achieve much more with a good disposition than always trying to step over other people.

Louisa remembered how much she had suffered in that exclusive school for girls that her mother insisted she should attend. She would never forget how much Sarah Jackson and Camille Clarke humiliated her whenever they could, both because of her family origin and physical appearance.

In the days of pain and healing, Louisa discovered with horror that she had behaved in the same manner so many times with other women, but mainly with Jane Bennet. She was a good girl who only wanted to be accepted by her new family and did not deserve her contempt. She also could tell that she deeply loved her brother and that he was immensely happy with her.

So, before falling asleep the previous night, Louisa promised her lost child that she would be a better person so that her baby would be proud of her.

Mr. Hurst was having breakfast with Caroline when Louisa entered the room. He was stunned to see his wife there and immediately got up to help her sit beside him. He was glad that she dared to get out of bed, but he was worried that maybe it was too early to try to resume her routine.

"I am glad to see you better, my dear," Mr. Hurst said, kissing his wife's hand.

"Thank you, my love," Louisa answered, tenderly caressing her husband's cheek.

Mr. Hurst was surprised by that gesture. Louisa generally avoided being tender with him in front of Caroline. He always had the impression that she was ashamed to admit that she loved him in front of her sister.

"Dearest Louisa, you do not know how happy it makes me to see you better. This afternoon, Felicity, Emily, and I shall go shopping. I think it would be good for you to join us. There is nothing better to lift our spirits than to buy a nice gown or a fashionable pair of gloves," Caroline said with a smile.

"I thank you, Caroline, but I would rather stay home," Louisa replied.

"I understand, dear. I promise I shall be back by dinner time without fail. But let me tell you the latest gossip. Do you remember Amanda Wright? She was always so arrogant and proud of her father's title. Well, it turns out Lord St. Vincent is broke, and Amanda will have to marry a banker's son to keep her father from losing what little he has left," Caroline said triumphantly. "I still remember when she tried to get Mr. Darcy's attention two seasons ago, and he did not even look at her," Caroline added scornfully.

Louisa listened to Caroline and did not understand why her sister was so happy about someone else's tragedy. It was hard for her to comprehend why she had once acted in a very similar manner. "I wish Amanda could find happiness with her future husband. Sometimes, one marries out of interest and is fortunate enough to fall in love with the person after knowing them a little better," Louisa said, taking her husband's hand.

Caroline saw her sister's gesture and did not like it. "Maybe Louisa, but that will only happen if your husband has some attribute other than money or good social standing. For example, if I were to have an arranged marriage with Mr. Darcy, I do not doubt it would be easy to fall in love with him. He is a tall, handsome, intelligent, and very distinguished gentleman." Then, Caroline, looking at Mr. Hurst, added. "Because I could never fall in love with a man without poise or distinction and without any attribute other than being a relative of someone important."

Mr. Hurst could not believe what Caroline said. She could not even hold back her poisonous tongue in consideration of how sad and weak Louisa was.

"Let us hope then, Caroline, that one day you will meet a man like Darcy, who will also take an interest in you so you can have a joyful marriage," said Mr. Hurst.

"I do not need to know a man like Mr. Darcy if I know the original," Caroline replied petulantly.

"Unfortunately, sister, in all the years we have known and been associated with Mr. Darcy, he has never shown any interest in you," Louisa added.

"No, because he has not had the opportunity to really know me, Louisa. Besides, now that Charles is married to that woman, I am sure it will be much more difficult for me to marry him. I do not think he would want to be associated with that family," Caroline explained angrily.

"Caroline, Lady Victoria has personally handled that Jane is well-received in society. Yesterday, she sent me a lovely note wishing me a speedy recovery. Charles has been a friend of Mr. Darcy's for years, and Lady Victoria did not even know I existed. I think she sent me that note because Jane told her I was in poor health, and for that reason, she could not accept her invitations," Louisa explained.

"So, if Jane is acceptable to the Countess, surely she will be to Mr. Darcy, do you not think?" asked Mr. Hurst.

"I do not care about Jane and her apparent friendship with the Countess." Because Caroline did not like what Mr. Hurst said, she changed the subject and ignored her brother-in-law until they finished breakfast. After that, Caroline had a date with her friends, so she changed her clothes and went out.

Later, when they were alone in the drawing room, Louisa shared with her husband everything she had been thinking about during the days she was in bed. He listened to her attentively and was very proud of her for having used that sad period of her life to reflect on her past actions and to have the opportunity to grow as a person.

"That is why, dear, I want to ask you to accept your parents' invitation this time. They have always insisted that we spend a few months with them and this is an excellent occasion to do it. We can be with them until our trip to Scarborough in the summer."

Mr. Hurst's father had an estate similar to Longbourn in a small town in Kent. For that reason, Louisa had never wanted to accept his invitation. So they only met with the Hursts when Lord Fleming, Mr. Hurst's uncle, invited them to his beautiful estate.

"It is a wonderful idea, my dear. I shall send my parents an express telling them we shall visit them next week. I want to show you all the beautiful places that were part of my childhood," said Mr. Hurst as he kissed his wife's hand. Then, he told his beloved wife how beautiful the landscapes of Kent were.

Louisa was happy to see her husband in such high spirits and understood that that trip would be a second chance for them and their marriage, and she was not about to ruin it.

P&P

Mr. Darcy had been in London for two days, trying to get his life and thoughts in order. In a few more days, Georgiana would be home. Then, they would both travel to Pemberley. Since the accident in Ramsgate he had not been able to return to his estate. He knew he had many pending matters to resolve and did not want to be in town. He wanted to clarify everything in London to understand what had transpired in his life during that year he could not remember. The first thing was to learn more about everything Anne had told him.

But he also thought about Elizabeth and how she had rejected him. He had made her an honest and sincere offer, and she had not even thanked him for his gesture and sacrifice. He knew he should hate and forget her, but he could not. He was hopelessly in love with her, and every night when he closed his eyes, he dreamed of her. But this time, his dreams mixed the interactions they had had since they met with those that were part of his imagination, among which the most recurrent was when they kissed near a river.

Fortunately, Dr. Shaw came to see him that morning, and he could explain everything, including his vivid dreams.

"The dreams are repeated, doctor, and are about the same subject and mainly the same person. Sometimes, I believe those dreams are too real not to be true."

"Interesting, Mr. Darcy. I do not want to lie to you; I shall share what I know on the subject. I have been researching because of your case. First, you must be aware that not much is generally known about how the brain works, but from what you tell me, I am inclined to consider that those dreams are images of that past that you do not remember. Therefore, it is very likely that your memories are coming in the form of dreams, especially if you tell me that they are mixed with events that you remember happened."

"Are you certain, doctor?" Mr. Darcy asked, becoming more and more nervous.

"No, it is only a theory I dare to outline based on what I have read and consulted with colleagues. But if my theory is true, your memories will likely return sooner or later.

"I understand, and I sincerely hope so."

"But tell me a little more about that headache. Were you subjected to a stressful situation that made you nervous?" the doctor asked.

"Yes, doctor. I had a problem that I did not quite know how to handle," Mr. Darcy explained without giving any details.

"I understand, and my recommendation remains the same. Keep your life as calm as possible, sleep at least eight hours every night, and avoid alcohol," stressed the doctor, who could not ignore the state in which his client was.

"I shall try," Mr. Darcy said without looking at him.

Dr. Shaw stayed for a few more minutes, taking the opportunity to check the area of Mr. Darcy's head where he had received that brutal blow. Then, finally, he gave him a few more recommendations and left because he had to visit another patient.

Mr. Darcy ate a light luncheon locked in his office, searching for documents or something that would help him understand what had happened in that part of his father's life that he did not know.

But from time to time, he thought with concern that maybe he and Elizabeth had met before and that those dreams were part of his lost memories.

'She called me William in such a familiar way that day I saw her in Netherfield... And that night, the mysterious woman of my dreams took on her face and form... And her voice...' Mr. Darcy said desperately.

'Oh, I cannot continue like this, or I will lose my mind!'

Mr. Darcy was pacing around his study, and despite the doctor's recommendation, he poured himself a glass of brandy and gulped it down. Once he calmed down, he kept going through the documents and noticed that the ledger was missing a few pages. It looked like someone had ripped them out. Reviewing and trying to remember, he realized that the missing information was related to the expenses of the Thompson House, and he understood that there was more and more evidence confirming what Anne had told him.

He was anxious to talk to Mr. Jones and asked him to come to Darcy House. He could not discuss such sensitive issues with his solicitor at his office or the club.

When Mr. Jones finally arrived, after greeting him and inviting him to take a seat, he asked him directly. "Mr. Jones, I want you to tell me everything you know about the Thompson house."

"I am sorry, Mr. Darcy, but I do not understand. Almost a year ago, you told me you did not want to discuss that affair with me again. I sold the house a month ago, and with that, I thought we had closed that subject forever," Mr. Jones explained, somewhat confused.

"I shall share something very personal because I consider you completely trustworthy. You knew I had an accident, right?"

"Of course, Sir. And I must tell you that I am glad you have made a satisfactory recovery."

"Yes, but I still suffer the consequences. Mr. Jones, I have lost some of my memories. I am afraid I only remember some details of the Thompson affair and my father's double life." Mr. Darcy explained not to reveal that he did not remember anything.

"I am very sorry, Sir. Please, tell me, what do you want to know?"

"Everything; tell me everything you know so I can be confident that my memories match what happened in reality."

Seeing how determined his client was, Mr. Jones had no choice but to tell him everything he knew and everything they had discussed when he found out the truth. For his part, Mr. Darcy could barely hide the pain and disappointment that everything he heard caused him.

"Can you give me the address of that house? I have lost it and wish to see it before returning to Derbyshire."

Mr. Jones did not know that his client had known the house or the neighbors so closely, so he was not surprised by his request. "Remember, I sold it a month ago, so you will not be able to see it inside."

"I know; I just want to walk around the neighborhood."

"I understand." Mr. Jones wrote the address on a piece of paper and then discussed other matters with Mr. Darcy. There were many documents to review related to business and investments, including Pemberley.

When they finished working, it was too late to go to that place, so Mr. Darcy had no choice but to wait until the following day.

P&P

Mr. Darcy had not slept well for many nights and had hardly slept the previous night. He was anxious to see the Thompson house and find out if that would bring back any memories.

After breakfast, he asked his coachman to drop him off at the same place he had done so many times, precisely one year ago. From there, and with the address of the Thompson house in hand, he walked for almost ten blocks until he arrived there.

He was surprised by how modest the house was, perhaps by far the simplest in the entire neighborhood. That was a reasonably clean and well-organized commercial district, indeed a neighborhood of prosperous merchants.

But he was also struck by how small the house was compared to Darcy House, let alone Pemberley. He wondered why his father had hidden his mistress in a place like that. He could have bought her a big mansion if he had wanted.

He looked from one place to another in search of something that would give him some sign and help him remember, but no matter how hard he tried, he did not get anything, only despair and anguish.

"William Thompson, boy, where have you been? We have not seen each other in almost a year. We were all convinced that the earth had swallowed you," Dr. James said, patting his young friend on the back.

Mr. Darcy turned around fearfully, not knowing what to say, "Sir, it is nice to see you again. Excuse me, but I had an accident and have been busy recovering and with many things."

"An accident? Well, you do not look too good, but I think it has more to do with something else than an accident," Dr. James said, moving his hand to indicate alcohol consumption.

"Honestly, I think my accident is related to my problem," replied Mr. Darcy, making the same gesture.

"And does Lizzy know about your accident? I imagine you know she returned to Hertfordshire with her family."

"Lizzy?" Mr. Darcy asked breathlessly. "Do you mean Miss Elizabeth Bennet?"

"Of course, William. Who else could be Lizzy?"

"Yes… she knows, she knows about my accident. Excuse me, Sir, but I have to go. It was nice talking to you," said Mr. Darcy, leaving Dr. James perplexed.

He ran and ran until he reached his carriage. The coachman and the footman were very concerned about his state and immediately took him to Darcy House.

Once there, he locked himself in his room with a bottle of brandy and drank until he fell utterly drunk on the bed while stammering... 'I shall go crazy because of you, Elizabeth Bennet….'

P&P

Thanks to everyone who leaves comments and enthusiastically follows the story.

In the next chapter, the conversation with Lady Victoria and the return to Pemberley.

See you soon!

Saludos,

Yo