The next day, after managing to avoid the Minister all day he had managed to corner me as I was about to leave. I listened politely as he spoke about Harry's hearing and how he didn't think it would be a good idea, as Harry's teacher, to attend the hearing tomorrow. I had left with the Minister looking unsatisfied with the way I had smiled and agreed.
I had decided, to speak with Arthur to see what he thought I should do, as Dumbledore had insisted that I attend for Harry. I had conflicting ideas about attending knowing that Fudge's trust in me was hanging by a thread, but knew that I should do the right thing by Harry.
I had calmed down overnight and my feelings of anger were replaced with remorse. I did plan to apologise to Sirius and hoped that he had also calmed down, secretly hoping that he would also tell me how sorry he was. I opened the front door of 12 Grimmauld Place and was met with his voice coming from the drawing room "Stand up straight," he sounded impatient. "What are you up to?"
"Kreacher is cleaning," I heard the house elf's voice say "Kreacher lives to serve the noble house of Black —"
"— and it's getting blacker every day, it's filthy," said Sirius.
"Master always liked his little joke," said Kreacher and then continuing in an undertone, "Master was a nasty ungrateful swine who broke his mother's heart —"
"My mother didn't have a heart, Kreacher," I heard Sirius snap as I began to make my way towards the drawing room. "She kept herself alive out of pure spite." When I entered the drawing room I looked around at Sirius, Kreacher, Hermione, Ron, Fred, George, Ginny and Harry who were all standing around looking down at the house elf.
Kreacher bowed "Whatever Master says," he muttered furiously, "Master is not fit to wipe slime from his mother's boots, what would my poor Mistress say if she saw Kreacher serving him, how she hated him, what a disappointment he was — comes back to my Mistress' house from Azkaban ordering Kreacher around, scum and blood-traitors living in it, her treasures thrown out, she swore he was no son of hers, they say he's a murderer too —"
"Keep muttering and I will be a murderer!" said Sirius irritably, and he slammed the door shut on the elf.
"Sirius, he's not right in the head - not that he has ever been" I added as Sirius turned around and surveyed me.
"Feel free to take him back to your house then, Meghana." I rolled my eyes and for a moment I lost myself as I looked into his grey eyes, a hundred unspoken words between us, a look of longing in his eyes which I'm sure I shared.
"If you just set him free," came Hermione's hopeful voice jolting us back to reality, "maybe —"
"We can't set him free, he knows too much about the Order," said Sirius curtly. He tore his gaze away from mine and began to watch Harry as he walked over to the tapestry hanging on the wall "And anyway, the shock would kill him. You suggest to him that he leaves this house, and see how he takes it."
"You're not on here!" came Harry's voice as he was scanning the bottom of the tree.
I followed Sirius as he made his way over to the tree and the rest of the group followed us.
"I used to be there," said Sirius, pointing at a small, round, charred hole in the tapestry, rather like a cigarette burn. "My sweet old mother blasted me off after I ran away from home —" He looked at me as I was looking at the tapestry, starting to feel the sadness I thought I had buried rise up beneath my skin. I remembered how horrible Sirius' parents had been but really, I considered them quite tame compared to my parents.
"You ran away from home?" Harry said looking up at Sirius.
"When I was about sixteen," said Sirius looking back at the tapestry. "I'd had enough."
The memory of when Sirius had told me of his plans to run away from this place found its way to the front of my mind making me smile slightly as I remembered.
I was standing on the stone bench my arms draped over Sirius' shoulders as I looked down at him. He was holding me around my waist so that our bodies were close.
"And where exactly do you intend to run off to?" I asked him.
"I haven't figured that part out yet," He said frowning slightly "Probably Prong's place…" he shrugged.
"Sirius - have you really thought this through properly?" I said frowning slightly beginning to worry about what his parents would do if they found this out before he could pull it off.
"Are you worried about me?" he said grinning and I raised an eyebrow at him "Look" he stopped grinning and said seriously "my Uncle Alphard has left me with some decent gold and next year I plan to get my own place."
I could see his mind was made up and that I was probably wasting my breath trying to convince him otherwise.
"Then you can run away from your parent's place and live with me!" he grinned up at me and I smiled back despite myself. I could tell he was serious about this and it was tempting to let myself believe that we could just run away from all our problems.
"You're a bad influence on me, Sirius Black," I said and he feigned a look of shock.
"Excuse me-" he started but I silenced him with a kiss, smiling as I felt him reciprocate. I felt him lift me down off the bench as we continued to kiss passionately, he grabbed my hands in his and threaded his fingers through mine as he pushed me against the wall, pinning my hands at shoulder height, kissing me deeper as though he couldn't get enough of me. I felt my heart pumping hard in my chest, feeling as though it was going to burst from the love I felt for him. Knowing that no one else in the world could make me feel like he made me feel. I never wanted to be apart from him, I felt whole when I was with him and that feeling was addictive. He was addictive.
We only broke apart when Professor McGonagall's stern voice shouted from the other end of the corridor "Black! Megera! Why aren't you in class?!" We looked at each other grinning and he grabbed my hand pulling me along with him as we ran away from Professor McGonagall who bellowed at us "Get back here this instant! You are a prefect Miss Megera! 20 points from both Gryffindor and Ravenclaw!"
Only when we had sprinted two floors away we stopped, collapsing against a wall out of breath but laughing.
"I'm never going to pass my N.E.W.T.s at this rate," I said giggling as I looked at Sirius leaning my head up against the wall.
Sirius turned to look at me "Megs, I know you're worried about me running away from home, but I wasn't joking when I said you should leave your family too. I don't care what happens to me, but I do worry about what they'll do to you if you stick around with them much longer." he said breathlessly.
I stopped laughing and looked at him, studying every inch of his face before I reached up and touched his cheek. I nodded slowly and suddenly realised that I would do everything I could to spend the rest of my life with him. I leaned my forehead against his and whispered "You are everything I'm living for."
"Where did you go?" I heard Harry ask jolting me back to reality. He was staring at Sirius.
"Your dad's place," said Sirius. "Your grandparents were really good about it; they sort of adopted me as a second son. I camped out at your dad's during the school holidays, and then when I was seventeen I got a place of my own, my Uncle Alphard had left me a decent bit of gold — he's been wiped off here too, that's probably why — anyway, after that I looked after myself. I was always welcome at Mr. and Mrs. Potter's for Sunday lunch, though."
"We all were," I said quietly more to myself than anyone else. Harry glanced at me before he looked back at Sirius, frowning.
"But . . . why did you . . . ?"
"Leave?" Sirius smiled bitterly and ran a hand through his long, unkempt hair. "Because I hated the whole lot of them: my parents, with their pure-blood mania, convinced that to be a Black made you practically royal . . . my idiot brother, soft enough to believe them . . . That's him."
Sirius jabbed a finger at the very bottom of the tree, at the name Regulus Black.
"He was younger than me," said Sirius, "and a much better son, as I was constantly reminded."
I looked at Regulus' spot on the tree and thought sadly of Sirius' younger brother.
"But he died," said Harry.
"Yeah," said Sirius. "Stupid idiot . . . he joined the Death Eaters."
"You're kidding!"
"Come on, Harry, haven't you seen enough of this house to tell what kind of wizards my family were?" said Sirius testily.
"Were — were your parents Death Eaters as well?"
Sirius glanced at me fleetingly and I caught his eye briefly before he looked back and answered Harry. I knew he was thinking of the same thing I was - about my parents.
"No, not my parents" He shot a look at me again and I narrowed my eyes at him.
Okay - maybe he hadn't quite forgiven me from yesterday's outburst I thought glumly
"But believe me, they thought Voldemort had the right idea, they were all for the purification of the Wizarding race, getting rid of Muggle-borns and having purebloods in charge. There were quite a few people, who thought Voldemort had the right idea about things. . . . and I bet my parents thought Regulus was a right little hero for joining up at first."
"Was he killed by an Auror?" Harry asked tentatively.
"Oh no," said Sirius. "No, he was murdered on Voldemort's orders, I doubt Regulus was ever important enough to be killed by Voldemort in person. From what I found out after he died, he got in so far, then panicked about what he was being asked to do and tried to back out. Well, you don't just hand in your resignation to Voldemort. It's a lifetime of service or death." I felt his eyes on me again but this time I refused to look back at him, although I saw Harry give Sirius a puzzled look out of the corner of my eye.
"Lunch," said Molly's voice from behind us.
I spun around and saw her holding her wand high in front of her, balancing a huge tray loaded with sandwiches and cake on its tip.
"Oh hello Meghana, will you be staying for lunch?" she said as she spotted me.
"No, sorry Molly I'm just here to speak to Arthur about tomorrow…" I trailed off as I watched the others all walk over to Molly to get sandwiches.
I looked sideways and saw Sirius turn away from the tapestry, his hands deep in his pockets. "I don't like being back here," he said, staring across the drawing room. "I never thought I'd be stuck in this house again. It's ideal for headquarters, of course," Sirius finished.
"If your parents could see the use it was being put to now" I said quietly and Sirius gave a short, bark-like laugh.
"Well, my mother's portrait should give you some idea. . . ." He said looking at Harry and then back to me as we both smiled slightly at the thought of his Mother's rage.
Harry looked between us and then turned his attention to the tree once again.
"Who was this person next to you?" I heard Harry ask and Sirius and I turned to look at the tree again.
"Hang on-" Harry looked above the scorch mark "Maximilianus & Carmelina Megera - are you related to Professor Meg-" Harry started and turned around and stared at us.
"Not blood-related, no," I said slowly refusing once again to look at Sirius.
"But-" Harry began.
"Maximilianus & Carmelina are my parents" I sighed looking back at the tree my eyes trailing up from my spot to the two names of my parents. Even just the feeling of my parent's names in my mouth tasted bitter. The guilt and shame I felt whenever I was forced to think of them threatened to consume me. I watched Harry's eyes continue to wander over the gold lines that connected my family and I smiled bitterly as I saw him pause on Lucius Malfoy.
"Wait - Malfoy" Harry managed to blurt out turning to look at me.
I chuckled darkly "Yeah…Uncle Lucius."
"That means Draco is your cousin?" Harry said turning back to the tree and I smiled at the slight look of disgust on his face.
"The pure-blood families are all interrelated,' said Sirius looking down at Harry. "If you're only going to let your sons and daughters marry pure-bloods your choice is very limited; there are hardly any of us left."
I looked down at the tree once again and brushed my fingers lightly over the scorch mark that was Sirius tracing a thin gold line connecting the place where he had been to another scorch mark that I knew was once me. I could see Sirius watching me out of the corner of my eye as I traced the thin gold line down connecting the burn marks that used to be us, to a small skull that would have been our child. An overwhelming grief crushed my chest suddenly and tears instantly filled my eyes. Sirius made a movement that appeared as though he was going to reach out and touch me but, obviously thought against it. Quickly remembering where I was, I quickly pushed down my feelings and blinked away the tears but, it was obviously still showing on my face as Molly walked over to us.
"Meghana, dear, Arthur is in the kitchen - he just arrived - are you ok?" Molly touched my arm with a concerned look on her face and then looked at the tree where Harry was standing - her eyes lingering on my parents' names and then her gaze went to Sirius.
I swallowed and forced a smile at Molly "Of course" and with one last glance at Sirius, I turned and walked quickly out into the hallway.
I stopped and leant up against the wall just outside the open drawing room door feeling as though I needed to catch my breath.
"What are you doing upsetting her - bringing up Max-" I heard Molly hiss.
"C'mon Molly, it's no secret who he is" scoffed Sirius his voice rising and the room went quiet. I closed my eyes.
"I just think you would have had more sense than to go around talking about Death Eaters!" I heard Molly say obviously forgetting to lower her voice.
"What does it matter now anyway?" Sirius said after a beat.
"Never mind!" I heard Molly snap and I heard her stomp away closer to the door.
"What is Mrs Weasley talking about…" I heard Harry trail off.
There was a brief pause and I heard Sirius sigh but did not reply to Harry's question.
"Why is Professor Megera on your family on the tree?" I heard Harry ask quietly.
"Because her parents - well my parents as well - forced us to marry" Sirius said but I couldn't make out what was underlying in his voice.
"Why would your parents force you to marry someone you didn't lo-" Harry began
"I do - I mean it's not that I -" said Sirius interrupted, faltered and then finished bitterly "to keep our families' pure blood lineage going."
"But why is she burnt off the tree?" I heard Harry ask after a beat.
"Probably because she was in Ravenclaw" Sirius said after a pause and I heard the amusement in his voice making me smile slightly as I opened my eyes.
"Did you have a kid-" Harry was obviously looking at the small skull underneath our scorch marks but was cut off by Molly calling.
"Hurry up, you two, or there won't be any food left,"
I heard Sirius heave another great sigh and I pushed myself off the wall and headed into the kitchen where I sat at the end of the table. I sighed to myself as I rested my head on the table. Sirius was right, being back in this house was bringing back horrible memories, but at the same time, it was bringing back some wonderful memories that we shared, alone in his room where his family didn't bother us, or the many days we spent together exploring Muggle London.
"Ah Meghana, there you are" Arthur's voice came from somewhere along the long dining table and I sat bolt upright - I had briefly forgotten why I came here at all.
"So you wanted to talk about tomorrow?" Arthur started as he took a seat opposite me "Dumbledore is still insisting that you defend Harry?"
I nodded "Yes, however, the Minister has already warned me not to attend."
"Ah" Arthur looked at me frowning "Very well"
"But the way I see it Arthur, regardless of the fact that I have been -er- requested not to attend, I suppose it is my duty as a member of the Wizengamot to defend those who are in need of a defence" I shrugged.
"You've got a point" Arthur said smiling slightly "but you could lose your job"
"I know" I sighed thinking about Harry "but I can't just leave him" and Arthur nodded.
"You are doing the right thing" Arthur said gently after a silence fell between us.
I gave him a small smile and nodded "Thank you for saying that" I said quietly.
"Are you going to take him to the Ministry with you in the morning?" Arthur asked his voice back to its normal volume.
I sat up straighter. "I think it's best that Harry doesn't know."
"Yes, I agree" Arthur said "I can take him with me in the morning and we can meet you there."
"Thank you Arthur" I said the knot in my stomach unclenching ever so slightly "The Minister is going to be quite upset and I think the less people know, the better. It needs to seem as though I decided this alone"
Although I longed to go home to sleep after I had finished my discussion with Arthur, I decided that it was probably best to head back to the Ministry to prepare for tomorrow. I was walking passed the drawing room as I spotted Sirius sitting in an armchair staring surly at the empty fireplace, an empty glass clutched in his hand.
I paused in the doorway, biting my lower lip as I made up my mind and walked in. He looked up at me as he heard me enter, his features softening instantly.
"Sirius," I said quietly looking into his eyes "About what I said-"
"I know you didn't mean it" he interrupted as he placed the glass on the side table, stood up and stepped in front of me.
"That doesn't make it ok," I said.
"We were both angry," he said delicately.
I was suddenly aware of how close we were, I could practically feel his breath on my cheek. Even after all this time, being in his presence was so familiar to me and felt so right. Like I was home.
"Well, I am sorry," I said softly.
"I know" he replied. He reached out and grabbed my arm tenderly. Our faces were so close and I felt an overwhelming urge to feel his lips against mine.
"Megs, I-"
"Sirius, there you are!" came Molly's voice from the doorway and I spun around to see her holding a whole load of cleaning supplies "Can you please help us with the Doxies in the curtains?"
I felt Sirius' hand leave my arm and fall back to his side. I turned back to face him, noticing his face set as though he was fighting the urge to retort. He grinned at me "Duty calls" he said, raising his eyebrows and promptly stepped around me to follow Molly.