Brook writes in to AITA t/w: puns. very, very dumb ones.
Dearest AITA ~
Bone jour, mes amis! I find myself writing to your community as a last resort for I have a dilemma that cannot be resolved by speaking with my dear group of friends. For you see, my friends are actually the root of the problem.
Very recently, these friends threw me a surprise birthday party. It was, for the most part, absolutely delightful! There was a beautifully decorated cake and homemade vanilla ice cream, all made in my honor. Bone appetit!
And then the chef started adding candles to my birthday cake. Box after box of those little wax candles covered my lovely birthday cake like so many quills on a porcupine.
Naturally, he lit the candles, which the rest of my friends found quite humerus, though the captain was worried the cake might melt from the intense heat of so many flames.
Being a good sport, I laughed along although I did not feel it in my bones.
But this humiliation was nothing compared to the gifts I received.
Our shipwright and sniper handed me a gift that initially got my heart racing (if only I had one!) From holding the present, I could tell it was going to be something soft and delicate. I thought, "Could it finally be?" and then the sniper giggled and told me, "It's about time you got your wish."
My dear, new friends, it was a prank of the cruelest kind!
Indeed, inside were a pair of panties but they were - how can I put this delicately - voluminous. The size of one of our ship's smaller sails. My two friends must have purchased them from a novelty store, one that specialized in mocking a gentleman's fondest dreams.
Our captain even snatched the panties from my fingers and tried them on, yelling "Hey, Brook! Wanna see my panties? Huh, huh?"
The trials and tribulations of working with youth! Sometimes, to be frank (but not Franky!) I am just dead tired of it.
The rest of the gifts were not much better.
Our swordsman - and what am I? Chopped liver? If only I had one - gave me a half empty bottle of sake.
The navigator said her gift was not adding any interest to my debt for all my terrible jokes that night.
Our historian propagated an extra two eyes and placed them in my empty sockets, horrifying both our sniper and doctor to the point they jumped off the ship.
As she watched the swordsman dive in after the little doctor, she had the gall to steal my bit and said, "Eye didn't see that coming!"
And instead of anyone cracking a fist over her head, they high fived her!
Yo ho ho, the rest of the evening only descended into further chaos from there. I will not even mention the adult diapers the shipwright gave me at the end of the night and I do not think he meant it as a joke.
AITA for being upset at my friends for this shambles of a birthday party? It certainly did not tickle my funny bone!
grainandhammer • 04/04/2019
ESH. Your surprise birthday party sounds more like payback than celebration. All the candles on the birthday cake feels ageist, but could have been unintentional.
Is this cook the kind of person to treat some people on your ship differently than others? Does he discriminate otherwise, or does he care for each of you with equal dignity and consideration? The answer to that will let you know if he was being a dick or not.
The novelty panties joke actually reflects more poorly on you!
Why are women's underwear "your wish"? I'm not trying to make you feel shamed about the shit you're into, but (1) keep your kinks to yourself and (2) you know you can just buy your own "panties" of all sizes, colors, and varieties? I'm not that mad at your friends for this.
However, it was ableist of your historian friend to mock your blindness! I'm not sure what you mean by propagated. Does propagated have an old meaning that is no longer in use? Doesn't matter. Not cool to make fun of the visually impaired.
And the half empty bottle of sake, I think you should be worried about your swordsman friend. It sounds like he has a drinking problem.
If the shipwright bought you adult diapers and was being serious, he was out of line to do it at your birthday party! However, kudos to him for being forthright enough to try and address a difficult situation with you.
One last thought, here's a quote about puns.
A pun is a pistol let off at the ear; not a feather to tickle the intellect.
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