Thank you to everyone who has reached out or commented on my story. Your engagement makes writing so much more rewarding. I must admit, this season has been the most challenging to write. My goal has been to avoid repeating old storylines while keeping the characters' actions authentic to the source material, and I believe I've succeeded.

From the start, the driving force behind this season has been the complexity of experiencing conflicting emotions simultaneously. I wanted to delve into what a genuine "rough patch" would look like in a marriage between two committed, mature individuals. Rather than focusing on dramatic blow-ups or infidelity, I've always been more interested in the more realistic challenges that can test even the strongest relationships. I find stories that explore the human condition to be the most fulfilling to both write and consume. So I hope you enjoy it…

CHAPTER EIGHTY-SIX

EVOLUTION

17x09 Stars & Stripes

The sterile waiting room was quiet, save for the soft rustling of magazines and the occasional cough. Emily sat rigid in her chair, eyes fixed on the plain white wall across from her. JJ reached over, gently taking Emily's hand and intertwining their fingers.

"Hey," JJ whispered, drawing Emily's attention. "We're in this together, okay?"

Emily managed a small, tight smile and nodded, her free hand fidgeting with the hem of her shirt.

"You're scared," JJ said softly, voicing Emily's unspoken feelings. "It's okay to be scared, Em."

Emily's eyes glistened with unshed tears. She took a deep breath, squeezing JJ's hand. "I'm glad you're here."

JJ's lips twitched up slightly. "I wouldn't be anywhere else."

The door opened, and a nurse called Emily's name. As they stood, JJ gave Emily's hand one last reassuring squeeze before they followed the nurse into the exam room.

As they left the clinic, Emily sighed, "At least we have a plan now," pushing through the door and heading across the parking lot.

"Yeah," JJ replied softly, her fingers tracing soothing patterns on Emily's arm as they walked. They reached the car and got in. "How are you feeling about what the doctor said?"

Emily was quiet for a moment as she sank into the passenger's seat. She closed her eyes, gathering her thoughts. "Honestly? I'm terrified," she admitted, her voice barely above a whisper. "But also... relieved, I guess."

JJ nodded, "I know it's not going to be easy, but we'll face it together."

Emily shifted, looking up at JJ with vulnerable eyes. Without words, JJ understood Emily's unspoken thoughts. She shook her head, gently grabbing Emily's hand.

"We're past that now. What matters is that we're here, together, right now."

Emily swallowed thickly, closing her eyes briefly. "I love you."

"I love you too," JJ replied, her voice thick with emotion. "And I'm proud of you."

Emily shook her head slightly but didn't dismiss the compliment. Though she didn't feel she had done anything to merit JJ's pride, the words warmed her heart.

Emily stood in the doorway of their bathroom, her heart racing as she watched JJ at the sink. She'd spent days working up the courage to approach her like this, to try and bridge the growing chasm between them. Fear of rejection gnawed at her, mingling with hope that this could help heal their relationship. Emily worried her touch might only make things worse, but the distance between them had become unbearable. She had to try – for both their sakes.

JJ heard Emily's footsteps but didn't turn, focusing on the warm water running over her hands. Suddenly, she felt Emily's presence close behind her, then her hands softly on her hips. JJ's breath caught, her hands stilling in the soapy water. This was the first time Emily had touched her like this since... since JJ had seen those images. Since Emily's diagnosis. A whirlwind of emotions surged through her – longing, confusion, anger, and a deep, aching sadness.

Emily's arms snaked around her waist, pulling her closer. JJ felt Emily's lips on her shoulder, then just below her ear. JJ stood frozen, her mind and body at war. Part of her wanted to lean back into Emily's embrace, to pretend everything was okay. Her body responded instinctively, a shiver running down her spine.

Images from that website flashed through JJ's mind, intertwined with the knowledge of Emily's years-long secret. Her knuckles turned white as she gripped the sink's edge, eyes closed, torn between desire and hurt. The urge to kiss Emily deeply warred with the impulse to pull away. Perhaps they weren't as past it as JJ had convinced herself that morning. A crushing realization washed over her: for years, Emily had touched her intimately after viewing those horrific images. JJ couldn't fathom how she'd managed it. The website's existence left JJ feeling exposed and vulnerable in ways she hadn't yet overcome. Yet Emily had never hesitated, never looked at her differently and it only deepened JJ's confusion.

"Em..." JJ started, her voice barely above a whisper. She didn't move, didn't pull away, but didn't relax into the embrace either.

Emily sensed her hesitation, arms loosening slightly but not letting go. "Is this okay?" she asked softly, her voice tinged with hope and uncertainty.

JJ swallowed hard, still not moving. "I... I don't know," she admitted, her voice trembling.

Emily stepped back, her face a mix of disappointment and understanding. "It's been two months, Jay," she said in a ghost of a voice.

"Is that what you talk about?" JJ murmured softly, turning to face her. "With my mother?" Her voice was dangerously calm.

Emily's eyes widened slightly, surprise crossing her face. "JJ, it's not what you think-"

"Isn't it?" JJ interrupted, but her tone lacked real heat, her expression more tired than angry.

Emily took a cautious step forward, hands raised placatingly. "Your mother came to me, Jay. She's worried about us. About you. She could tell something was off."

JJ leaned against the counter, fatigue evident in her posture. "And so you just... opened up to her about our sex life?"

"No, not like that," Emily said quickly. She took a breath. "Your mother noticed the distance between us. She was concerned about how withdrawn we've been lately. I... I just confirmed that things have been difficult."

JJ's gaze dropped to the floor, her shoulders sagging with exhaustion.

"She's worried about us," Emily said softly, taking another tentative step closer.

JJ peeked up at Emily, a tight smile on her lips. "It's not that I don't want you…" she began. "And it's not just about BAU-gate, you know."

Emily's eyes searched JJ's. "I know," she said softly. The distance between them had started growing weeks before JJ had discovered BAU-gate. That revelation had only widened the gap.

JJ's breath caught in her throat. She looked away, blinking rapidly to hold back tears. "I don't... I don't know how to handle this, Em. I'm scared of hurting you or..."

Emily stepped closer, gently taking JJ's hands in hers. "I'm sick, Jay, I'm not made of glass," she said firmly, eyes locked on JJ's. "I love you. I trust you. I want you to touch me."

JJ's eyes widened, a mix of longing and uncertainty in her gaze. She nodded, tears welling. "I want that too…" She said as she pulled herself into Emily's arms.

They stood there for a long moment, holding each other close. Finally, Emily pulled back slightly. "Come to bed?" she asked softly.

JJ nodded, allowing Emily to lead her to their bed. They climbed in, settling into each other's arms, the familiar comfort of their shared space enveloping them.

As they lay there, Emily's fingers absently tracing patterns on JJ's arm, she smiled softly. "You know what Charlotte did earlier today?"

JJ looked up at her, curiosity in her eyes. "What?"

Emily's smile grew wider. "She was in her playpen, surrounded by all her toys, but do you know what she was doing? She had your old police badge in her hands - the toy one the boys used to play with. And she was holding it up, looking at it so seriously, then pointing at things around the room and saying 'Stop!' in her little voice."

A small laugh escaped JJ's lips, the first one Emily had heard in a while.

"I swear, Jay," Emily continued, her eyes twinkling, "she had your exact expression when you're dealing with an uncooperative witness. All stern and authoritative, but with those blue eyes that melt your heart."

JJ's expression softened, a hint of pride mixing with the love in her eyes. "She's definitely got your protective instincts," she murmured, her hand unconsciously tightening its grip on Emily's.

"And your unwavering sense of justice," Emily replied softly. "I swear, sometimes when she looks at me with those big blue eyes, I feel like I'm being interrogated by a miniature version of you."

"She's pretty great…" JJ added wistfully. She turned and before she knew what she was doing, kissed the skin of Emily's neck. JJ pulled back slowly, a timid yet sly smile on her lips. Emily felt her chest flutter a little as JJ settled back against her shoulder.

"Yeah, she is…"