Disclaimer: Oderint dum metuant - Lucius Accius

The Scourge of Brockton Bay

Kaiser was less than pleased when one of his parahumans failed to turn up to the big rally on Saturday. Nothing had gone according to plan. He was supposed to be on stage, flanked by all of his parahumans while the plebs cheered and he got the respect he deserved. The loss of his most notorious parahuman had completely put him off his gang and as a result he hadn't even been able to muster up the enthusiasm to order the masses to go out and commit the proper amount of mob violence. There had better be a good explanation for this!

That annoyance turned to worry when the parahuman in question's men stumbled in looking like they'd been run over by a bus.

"That Fucker ran into us on the way here," the group's spokesman whispered. The nazi gang member was clutching a broken arm and had visible urine stains on his pants. "Hookwolf led That Fucker off while the rest of us escaped."

Kaiser's breath hitched. "You didn't lead That Fucker here, did you?"

The heavily beaten group of nazis frantically shook their heads. "No. That Fucker was too busy beating . . . I mean, Hookwolf was fighting That Fucker and we got away and then circled around and only came here after we were sure That Fucker wasn't following us."

Kaiser's heart restarted. "Next time use a phone, don't come in person." He didn't want That Fucker knowing where he was. He didn't like That Fucker knowing he existed, not after seeing what That Fucker had done to people in the past.

IIIIIIIIII

Hookwolf ran. It'd been at least five minutes since the last attack but he didn't dare let up his guard, not when That Fucker was after him. Not daring to stop, he looked around to check his bearings. Almost to the boardwalk, just a bit further and he'd be close enough to the rig to draw the Protectorate's attention. Best case scenario, That Fucker let up and he escaped. Worst case, he got arrested and had to escape from the PRT again.

"Just a bit further," he said to motivate himself. "Almost there."

"Look up," a voice whispered in his ear.

Hookwolf felt a chill go down his back as he did so just as the massive scrap magnet above him activated. The magnet swung and the villainous parahuman frantically released his changer form which, from his point of view ended up being a bit of a mixed bag. On the plus side, he was no longer stuck to the magnet. On the minus, he was now in the car crusher.

"You know," the voice whispered. "I've been curious to see if your changer form is durable enough to survive this. Be interesting to find out, don't you think?"

As the machine activated, the distant sound of approaching sirens was the only thing that gave him hope that he might live to see morning. He never thought he'd be happy to see the cops and now he was hoping to see as many as possible as quickly as possible.

IIIIIIIIII

The ER desk nurse went for the panic button when the door opened to admit two of Brockton Bay's villainous capes. She did not press it after neither villain did anything more threatening than point at their mouth and make grunting noises.

"I take it the reason you're here is the billiard balls stuck in your mouths?"

"Mumph!" Uber agreed.

"Muh huh," Leet added.

"Take a seat."

Two hours later both men were rubbing sore jaws and trying to ignore the fact that they were being gawked at by two doctors and several nurses.

"So," one of the doctors began with a poorly concealed grin. "What happen? You guys lose a bet or something?"

"Yes!" Uber said loudly, rubbing his jaw. "We made a bet."

"Absolutely," Leet agreed. "We did something stupid and it was all our own ideas and no one else at all was involved and it was all our faults. No one else was involved!"

"No one else was involved," Uber echoed. "Be sure to put that in the report. We bet each other something stupid and we got here because of that. No one else was involved."

"Right," a nurse agreed skeptically, she was starting to think that someone else might have been involved.

"Um." Leet licked his lips. "Is there any way to get the rest of them out without . . . you know . . . having to wait."

The doctors froze. The nurses froze. The orderlies froze. Finally one doctor spoke. "The rest of them?" She looked up from her clipboard to stare at the two. "You didn't . . . swallow them, did you?"

"Yes?" Uber admitted.

"How many?"

Uber and Leet shared a glance. "How many are normally on a pool table?"

"Do you mean to tell me that the two of you ingested an entire set of pool balls between you?"

"No." Uber said miserably.

"Then how many?!"

"A set each."

"I'll see if Panacea is available."

IIIIIIIIII

Purity was on patrol. No evil doer of the wrong ethnicity was safe while she was around. Her flight, and night, was ruined when an egg, presumably rotten based on the smell, hit her in the face.

Her jaw clenched both in rage and to keep any of the rotten egg going into her mouth as she spun around in hopes of getting a look at the deadman who thought they could . . . That Fucker was sitting on a lawn chair on top of the Medhall building. At he-at That Fucker's side was a bucket of eggs, presumably the source of the one that had just het her. With a smile, That Fucker tossed another egg off the building. She felt the impact seconds later and That Fucker grinned at her, daring her to do something about what had just happened.

Kayden considered the situation and decided that flying outside That Fucker's line of sight, going home to clean up, and spending a quiet night in was really the best course of action. That Fucker hit her with a dozen more rotten eggs before she was able to get out of sight.

She felt a surge of relief after breaking her threshold. She didn't know why, but she was extremely thankful that That Fucker was in one of he-one of That Fucker's rare non-murderous moods. She shuddered at the thought of running into That Fucker when That Fucker wasn't in one of That Fucker's good moods. Maybe it'd be best to stay in for a while, just in case.

IIIIIIIIII

"There's another unwritten rule when it comes to That Fucker. We don't say or do anything that could identify That Fucker and in return That Fucker doesn't make murdering all of us a bigger priority."

"So let me get this straight. That Fucker is a cape."

"Right."

"A murderous cape."

"Uh huh."

"Who's incredibly sadistic."

"You have no idea." The speaker shuddered. "I once heard that That Fucker shoved Alibaster's head up his own ass."

"So why follow the That Fucker unwritten rule? Why not post about That Fucker on PHO or call the PRT or something?"

"That Fucker is an opportunistic hunter, sh-uh, That Fucker usually won't concentrate on you if you don't do or say anything that could identify That Fucker. Don't say age, don't say sex, don't give a description, and for gods sake whatever you do don't say That Fucker's name or That Fucker will take that as an excuse to focus on you and That Fucker is not someone you want thinking about you at all."

IIIIIIIIII

In his safe timeline, Thomas felt his bowels release. He was going to have to clean up again. That was fine, it was still less than the cleanup in the dropped timeline.

The villain rose from his desk and waddled towards his private shower, the one he'd had installed after the first time he'd attempted to do something to get That Fucker on his side. Threatening That Fucker's par- anyone didn't work. Threatening That Fucker really didn't work. Outting That Fucker to the PRT ended up being a really bad idea, turned out the Protectorate and the PRT were the only moderating influences in That Fucker's life and it was bad for everyone especially him if those influences were removed. Attempting to use other gangs as cat's paws didn't work, bribing That Fucker didn't work, threatening That Fucker didn't work, assassination attempts really didn't work, hell even ratting That Fucker out to Cauldron had only resulted in Contessa showing up, shoving a gun in his mouth, and telling him not to ever even think about doing it again. He was at his wits end.

IIIIIIIIII

Missy smiled as she did her homework. It'd been a nice relaxing week. She hoped the next week would provide just as many opportunities for stress relief.

AN: Ze Credits

Lines by Lord Veive

Omake: That Fucker vs The Nine

Jack smiled widely as his Shatterbird opened her mouth to sing. That smile disappeared shortly after the top of his Shatterbird's head did the same. The Siberian blinked out a second later causing Jack to think that maybe, just maybe, coming to Brockton Bay might not have been one of his better ideas. Crawler screamed in excitement as he was immolated by concentrated sunlight. No, not one of his better ideas at all.

Omake by Plmc

That Fucker stared calmly at the intimidating, in an obviously villainous way, bug controller in front of them. "You expect me to believe you want to be a hero?"

All the bugs in a two block radius shifted in agitation. "Not all of us have powers that leave no evidence. And mover abilities to get us to places the Protectorate don't know we were. If the Wards were going to let me melt Lung's balls off, would you be out here right now?"

That Fucker paused, then nodded. "I heard about that. Keep up the good work."

Nobody present missed the or else.

IIIIIIIIII

Lung was looking forward to the evenings... activities. The chance to get out, spread his wings, hopefully murder many Nazi. It was a good time to be a rage dragon, in his opinion.

As his transformation enhanced his vision he spotted a figure in what was clearly a cape outfit on a roof some distance away. He smiled. What foolish member of the Empire had shown up early? A slight improvement more and his growth stopped at the sight of That Fucker waving at him.

"Nope," the Bay's 'strongest' parahuman stopped getting larger and went back to the car he'd arrived in. He could have gone his whole life without learning his dragon form's jaws are far enough apart for That Fucker to work around their own Manton limits. He's not hanging around to see if they're feeling creative tonight.

"I don't get paid enough for this," he grumbled.

Omake by by Lord Veive

Sophia ran along the roof of the building and leaped off of it, going shadow a moment later.

The cloud of her breaker form coasted across the gap toward the warehouse that the Merchants were using.

"Those dumb bastards will never see me coming." She thought smugly.

A moment later the world twisted, and Sophia found herself in the center of an electrical substation.

"We need to talk."A voice whispered in her ear.

"What the fuck? Come out you fucker!" Sophia blustered.

The voice chuckled in her ear.

"Sophia, you have the lowest body count on the team, you were the only one dumb enough to get caught, and you are an arrogant asshole. Get your shit together. And apologize to Dennis."

"Like hell!"

"That's one." That Fucker said calmly.

Then there was a hiss and a pop, and Sophia was on the ground. Her leg felt like it was on fire and yet also somehow made of jello.

"Agh, what the fuck!" Sophia exclaimed, but there was no reply.

That fucker had grounded a few thousand volts through her leg and left her alone in the middle of the electrical substation.
End Omake