"What do you mean we're OUT OF FOOD!?" Vaggie shouted at the child, having a bit of a restless sleep last night from the series of revelations, this was NOT what she needed to hear.
"Charlie said I could eat until I was full … and at some point I asked for more and … Razzle and Dazzle, right?" The two goats nodded. "And Razzle and Dazzle stopped cooking, pointing to an empty pantry."
"We had enough food stocked for six months, with a full booking." Vaggie growled. "That could've fed at least a hundred people!"
"Sorry." He looked down, clearly ashamed.
Vaggie wanted to yell more, she really did … but that face ... the fact he was a human in hell.. the fact angels have screwed him over making her feel guilty… "It's fine." She sighed. "It's … fine." It wasn't, but he didn't need any more shouting.
"I heard shouting!" Charlie ran into the room. "What happened?"
"Iruma devoured our entire food supply."
"…" She looked to the boy. "… You're going to be alright medically speaking, right? No stomach cramps or anything?" And of course that's what her girlfriend focused on.
"He'll be fine." Husk spoke with a groan as he walked to the lobby. "Kid once ate an entire clothes line without any issues. I'm betting that he's so malnourished the food just somehow gets turned into pure energy."
"They taste like jerky and bacon and chicken wings." The kid grinned like it was normal. "Better than the couch leather I had to live off of for a month when I was seven."
"… I think that answers any medical questions." Vaggie said bluntly. If he didn't die then, his body wouldn't die now.
"Don't worry, I still got dog treats for ya chomper!" Nifty came in as she tossed the boy a biscuit. "Everyone else ... yeah we're screwed food wise, unless you're all in the mood for roach puddding." She held up a jar of the disgusting bugs. "I just gotta grind them into powder first."
"… You know what, we can go on a group activity today." Charlie smiled. "Grocery shopping! Everyone can pick out what they like to eat, and we can learn more about each other! I'll make sure to put it on my credit card, don't worry."
"Don't care what you get as long as there's booze." Husk groaned as he took out a bottle.
"Great, just what we needed, an excuse for you to get more drunk." Vaggie rolled her eyes.
"I guess you don't want any yourself to drown out the headaches?" He asked with a raised eyebrow.
"Nah, she's busy drowning in her cunt's jizz." Angel dust snicketd.
"I'm going to turn you from an arachnid to an insect when I cut off those two arms!" Vaggie charged at the bastard with her spear.
"Well isn't this quite the spectacular way to wake up." Alastor chuckled as Vaggie tried to mutilate the spider. "What's the argument about this time?"
"Doggie ate all the food and Charlie's wants us to shop together." Nifty explained as she started pounding the roaches.
"No food Eh … you know, I heard quite a while ago that out of ring food has quitethe exotic taste to it."
"Oh, you want to go exotic?"Charlie questioned. "Well I can order some online and have it delivered.."
"Too convenient and drool. Modern technology always ruins a good meal. It's better when you hunt it down and snatch it yourself. Like young Suzuki will." He smirked.
"Oh no." The boy grumbled.
"Hold on, you want him to travel to other rings?" Charlie asked. "That's not possible, sinners-"
"Oh, you don't have to worry about him. Apparently the living can go to any part of hell without issue, the lovely upside of technical loopholes!." The bastard chuckled as he pulled out a list from a small flash of flames. "Now Iruma, would you pleasego gather these particular food items?"
"... I have to ask, you already have me under contract, and legally made me a bellhop. Why do you keep using triggers?"
"Cause it's FUN to remind all of hell they can use them if they want." A laugh track played.
"… Of course." The kid grumbled with a sigh. "I'll go pack for the trip ... this'll be a long day."
"Well ... maybe I can arrange a ride for him to.."
"Oh and I'm begging you travel on foot as much as possible to make it even longer, and only pack bags to carry the food in."
"… Yes sir." The kid grumbled
"… Charlie, just give me the word and I'll mount his head on the wall." Vaggie turned to her girlfriend. He was clearly just a sadist who enjoyed the suffering of anything around him. Irredeemable.
"Don't care if you try either way, but remember all of hell is listening in.." Alastor chuckled.
Charlie glared at him, before taking in a deep breath, and smiling. "You know what, we're only into the second day of the hotel and I'm still getting to know everyone here. I'm going with him." … Oh, that may have been the bad call.
"Charlie, have you even been to other rings?" She asked.
"Once … or twice … when I was three …"
"Then you know you'd be just as clueless.."
"Which means it's the perfect bonding experience for this entrepreneur and her plucky down on his luck employee!" The cheesy shit lord talkshow host cackled. "Absolutely positively nothing could go wrong in any way shape or form." He said in the most sarcastic manner possible.
"Aw, thanks Alastor, glad for your support for once." And of course Charlie couldn't read sarcasm like usual. "Vaggie, you're good taking the rest of the staff on the grocery run?"
"Will do." She nodded, turning to the idiots, the cat and the spider fighting over a bottle while the psyscho woman cleaned the glass. "I'll be sure to keep them in line by any means necessary."
"You won't stab them will you?" Charlie asked.
"…I'll keep them in line by any means necessary." She repeated.
"... It'll have to do. Come on Iruma, we're going on a scavenger hunt!"
"On it." The boy nodded, coming out with a bunch of bags on his back. "I packed life jackets, first aid, fire starters, two ladders, a tent, six jumper cables, a bag of lemons for an emergency battery-"
"I thought I told you you can only bring bags if they're to carry food?"
"You did, which is why I took the backpacks that were only halfway full I made just in case you told me to travel out."
"... Fair enough!" The demon shrugged.
"... Weirdest loophole I've ever seen." Angel Dust muttered
"You figure it out quickly when you expect to constantly be thrown into a new environment for days on end with no shelter or funds for survival." The boy shrugged. "Real hard part is going to be the comparison and contrast between earth danger and hell danger. Not sure I can really pack all that much for the later."
"Don't worry Iruma, I've got that covered!" Charlie smiled as she twirled around with fire surrounding her, now dressed in a little red traveler's outfit that was just so adorable. "There's nothing out there in hell that I can't handle!"
"... I really need to start getting used to magic." The boy mumbled as the two of them walked out. "So how much desert trekking experience do you have?"
"None!" Charlie grinned.
"Jungle safari?"
"I've planted a garden once that grew out of control."
"Hellquakes?"
"Those are a thing?"
"... Just stick close to me, innocent one." Iruma spoke as their voices faded.
"… That is so backwards." Husk grumbled.
"Hilarious as shit thou." Angel cackled.
"Why do you think I love that child? His absolute insane and despair wrecking adventures are just wonderful to listen to." The shit lord grinned.
"I really, really hate you." Vaggie grumbled, looking at Alastor stared at him
"Hate me all you want, my dear, I'm here to stay!"
This bastard was lucky she was being nice for Charlie's sake. With her spear.. She could end so many problems in one single swoop. For Charlie's sake.. she would hold back… for now.
Razzle and Dazzle were fairly simple creatures, even they would admit. They lived to serve, protect, and play. Nothing much to their lives outside of serving Master Charlie, and they were perfectly okay with that. Wherever Charlie went, they would follow. "Wait, they're living toys?" The human child asked as they followed along
"Yeah. My dad brought them to life." The master smiled, ruffling their hair.
"Wow … how did he do that?"
"My dad was one of the angels that did help create the universe." Master grinned. "This doesn't even come close to the top fifty craziest things he could do with his magic. One time he turned my old tricycle into a transforming motorcycle/ice cream maker with one of the flavors literally being the feeling you have when you press your face against a warm blanket."
"Your dad sounds amazing!" The human smiled widely.
"Yeah… that's what I thought too before.." Charlie winced. Talking about her father was never an easy subject. "But that's neither here nor now. Razzle and Dazzle will handle the heavy lifting while we trek ahead and pick off Alastor's list."
"And they don't mind at all?" Iruma asked. "Do they get paid?"
"Only in love, hugs, and kisses!" Charlie beamed
"Oooh, so like my parents." The boy nodded.
"... Pardon?"
"Yeah. Whenever I painted the house, or did the laundry, or cleaned out the attic, they gave me head pats and hugs for a job well done." The human explained.
"… Only when you did that stuff?" Charlie asked hesitantly.
"Well yeah. Whenever I didn't they said I was a bad boy and had to sleep outside for the night while they tried to figure out how to use me to make more money. Or find my own food."
"…. Razzle, hug Iruma, Dazzle, hug me." Master commanded as they did as such.
"It's like being hugged by a rose bush without the thorns…" The boy smiled as Razzle clung to their back. "Don't worry little guys, I'm sure that Charlie won't sell you to an overlord. She's too nice for that."
"I don't take advantage of you two, do I..?" Master asked with teary eyes as she screened Dazzle. They responded with a lick to her nose. "Thank you ... I promise ice cream for everybody!"
"Yay!" Iruma cheered as Razzle and Dazzle raised their hands. He and the princess seemed to be two of a kind. "So full disclosure, I'm only really familiar with Sloth, Greed, and Wrath." The human admitted. "I don't know about the others."
"Don't worry." Charlie nodded. "I may not have personal experience with the rings, but I have grown up learning everything about hell for the past two hundred years."
"Wow, you must take really good care of your skin."
"Thanks, it's Hellhoney five hundred. It stings, but totally worth it." The princess nodded. "Now then, the first thing on this list is Morningstar Apples. And luckily, my family owns an estate on that."
"... Your family owns an estate of the thing that constantly reminds them that they created their own prison?"
"Sure, you can look at it that way." Charlie grinned as she swung around a sign, disappearing, only to come back around with a Caramel apple in her hands. "But on the other hand, apples are delicious!"
"Hm…. can't argue with that logic." Iruma took a bite ... and immediately shoved it in his mouth with sparkly eyes. "Wow! These taste WAY better than the ones at Loo Loo land!"
"That's angelic power at work." Master smiled. "We may be demons, but angelic blood still runs through our veins, and I believe it's my duty and responsibility to use that power to give and provide for the people of hell."
"You have got to be the second nicest person I know." He smiled as he took another bite.
"Who's the first?"
"Octavia." He smiled. "She was the second friend I made in hell, but she was the first one that I could relate to that didn't curse/try to kill me the first time we met."
"Well glad I can make a good impression." Charlie beamed as she walked through the apple orchid. "Here it is, the best apples you'll find this side of Pride, and hell in general."
The human boy looked it over, sniffing. "... The air somehow tastes like candy and temptation …"
"That last part was mom's doing." Charlie chuckled. "Even if they aren't as potent as the one on the tree of knowledge, mom wanted everyone to taste them at least once… even if it led to bad things ... I can still admire how determined they were to make their dreams come true."
"I see … I guess it is pretty cool." The boy smiled. "How many are we supposed to grab?"
"Alastor didn't specify, and it's been a while since I've had the famous Morningstar apple pie…" Charlie gave a knowing smile.
"Say no more, I'm packing a whole tree's worth!" He grinned, moving over to the tree with a bit of a limp hindered speed, before he began climbing much more rapidly, literally swinging from branch to branch as he grabbed apple after apple. "It's much easier to climb than it is to carry a ladder!"
"Well dad did want it to be fun." Charlie laughed as she jumped on a branch and swung back and forth. "Oh man, I should've come back here fifty or so years ago, this is great!"
"I know! It's like that time I got that job at a grape field, except without getting stuck in the machine and getting turned into jelly."
"... I think earth really needs to double down on labor laws."
"I'm lucky it didn't, I would have owed my parents SO much money." The human spoke as he grabbed apple after apple, though for some reason they didn't get bigger even after fifty or so were placed in.
"And the first item off our list is checked off, and we didn't even need to buy anything!" Charlie cheered.
"Heck yeah, that's the best part about scavenging!" He grinned. "Now we can save our money for buying batteries in order to power our fans for the summer."
"Wow, you think far ahead." Their master nodded. "Now we should leave now. I'm not sure if he comes around here, but this is the family orchid, and there's a chance that.."
"Charlie?"
Their mistress paused and winced as she slowly turned around. "...Heeeeeeeeyyyyyy Daaaaad-" Master grimaced
"CHAARRRRLIEEEEEEEE!" The king of hell ran over to the princess and squeezed her tightly. "Oh it's been too long! And the extermination just happened! So much has happened and it's all super scary."
"Yes … it did …"
"You should have called! I mean, you know you haven't called me for years and probably hate me cause I didn't hang onto mom tighter, but we can still have fun just the two of us!" He shouted, looking down at the boy. "Three of us!"
"Hello there Mr Morningstar sir." The boy waved. "I heard you're a cool creator from your daughter."
"My .. my daughter talks about me..?" The short king spoke in a whisper and a quiver of his lip. "And she thinks I'm cool!?"
"I was just giving him a small history lesson of hell.. he's.. new." The princess muttered as she scratched the back of her head. "And we should probably get going, we have a really long day ahead of us…"
"Wait, don't go, I uh-come come where's the stupid little thing.." The man kept patting his coat, getting eyes of excitement. "I'm not lonely-I mean i made this cause I was not lonely and thought you'd love it… behold!" The light around them got lower as a spotlight decenced on Lucifer.
"Wait, wasn't the sun just-"
"Behold, lady and gentleman … the limited edition ducky collection!" He presented a row of rubber ducks.
"Oooh, they look pretty and fun." Iruma leaned in with curiosity.
"We got David, Savi, Laura, Mesopotamia-he's a bit of an egomaniac if you know what I'm saying." The man got in close and whispered that last one.
"He does have a big head." The boy laughed as he poked it. "So squishy."
"Always guaranteed to make bath time, or anytime really, a fun time! Just watch them dance!" The king of hell snapped his fingers.
The tiny ducks raised their wings, tiny little feet moving them around as they swirled around. "Doo ba, dee dee do ba." They sang.
"Oooo." Iruma nodded with a smile.
"That's … amazing dad.." Charlie said with a much more strained smile. "But we should probably get moving.."
"Aww, but the ducks looked really fun." The boy pouted.
"They also set you on fire." She whispered.
"So they can cook the food we're buying too?!" The boy's eyes sparkled as he looked up … well, more liked looked at the king at eye level. "You are a creative genius amongst genius…"
"You… you…. YOU LOVE MY STUUUUFFFFFFF…..!" The king cried as he hugged the boy by the head. "Charlie, I love your new boyfriend!"
"Whoa, whoa, not my boyfriend! Not! That! At! All!" Charlie waved her hands. "Just a friend I'm touring hell with today."
"I love your new just a friend you're touring hell with today!" He continued without missing a beat. "Oh we can have so much fun!"
"He seems really nice." Iruma kept his smile. "I see where you get it from."
"Give it a second." Charlie sighed
He then turned to a ghostly, glass looking duck. "Oooh, who's that one?"
"Oh, that's a theoretical nice duck that was too young to understand the actions of the ugly duckling who made too many fuck ups and was kicked away from his family into a fiery pit to forever pay for his sins … she's called Emily." Master's dad smiled.
Iruma paused for a second as he looked to Charlie, who gave him a knowing look. "… Is there something you'd like to say.."
"I'm not depressed, why you asking?" The king said with a smile full of denial.
"... Do you want a hug?"
"….yes…" The king cried as the boy hugged the man.
"There there…" Iruma patted the man on the back as he turned to Charlie and whispered. "How long will this last?"
"Too long." Charlie sighed. Far, far too long.
"Alright fuckers, time for the best plan you'll ever hear." Chazz Thurman smirked. He was a master class genius in all things money and bitches.. he was out of money at the moment, but he had plenty of bitches to work with/convince to work for him. "We're … gonna kidnap the radio boy, and the princess of hell, then ransom them for money."
"... That's fuckin brilliant!" An imp he fucked grinned. He wasn't as hot as Moxxie was, but in times like this, you had to work with what you got.
"I know it, cause I'm awesome." He smirked. "Now they're gonna be in greed any minute if the radio's right. Lookin for some gold leaves." It's like you could taste the pompous wealth … fuckin awesome. "Just stand in the shadows, place the bait under the box, and jump them when the cost is clear, got it!?"
"Got it!" A loan shark nodded as they got the bag of gold leaves ready and tied a string around a stick. If cartoons taught him anything, the old box trick always worked.
They sat in silence for a moment … until they finally saw them approach, chatting it up with each other with lamo conversation.
"The one piece of plant life greed grows, and it's the most pointless and least filling foods on the planet." The radio boy muttered as he walked with the princess. "Like ... it's fine if you want to eat gold, but there's no value in it whatsoever … unless it's one of those hell things where gold here actually fills you up."
"Eh, it's more like expensive salt and pepper."
"I reiterate, no value." The kid shrugged. "It's nothing compared to your family's apples.. you sure your okay?" He looked at the girl. "You seemed uncomfortable with your dad."
"We ... I admire him for his dreams, but I've never gotten to know him on a deep level." The princess sighed. "He's always there ... but ... I don't always feel him there, if that makes sense."
"Oh….ooooh." The radio boy's eyes widened. "..I actually understand more than you'd think… until recently that's how I felt about Emily." He said. "I thought she didn't really care all that much because she never said anything for most of my life … but then we talked on one of IMP's missions topside …" The kid flinched. "And we … kind of blew up, emotionally that is."
"Anyone notice how they're having such a long conversation down such a short street but we can hear all of it?" One guy asked.
"I thought that was just the radio playing."
"Speaking of, you sure you want to keep the Emily duck with you?" The girl questioned.
"I know what I said earlier.. but.. something inside me is telling me to protect it." The radio boy nodded as he held a glassy looking rubber duck. "Emotions are complicated even though they shouldn't be.
The princess sighed. "Can't argue with that ... hey I've been meaning to ask, but what's with the cotton in your ears?"
"Everyone in greed listens to the radio. I have to make sure I can't hear anyone shouting please at me."
"Damn it!" Chazz grumbled. "There goes plan B." Such a kickass backup plan too. Then again, with how genius plan A was, it was bound to succeed with no flaws whatsoever.
"They're getting into position sir." They held the string in their hand.
"Good, now all we need to do is wait …" Chazz smirked.
They both stopped, staring at the cardboard box. "... Hey Charlie?"
"Yeah Iruma?"
"Is cardboard here unnaturally strong or heavy?"
"Not to my knowledge, no." The radio boy trudged over, as the string was pulled, trapping him … before the box was lifted back up, the boy carrying out the golden leaves. "... Lucky us!"
"Oh fuck that shit! Why did the tv lie to me!?" Chazz shouted .
"You hear that?" The Princess asked.
"Again, cotton in my ears. I'm only understanding what you're saying because of lip reading."
"What's the plan now sir?" The imp asked.
"Last resort … grab them!" Chazz shouted, as he and his crew ran forward.
"Oh no." The princess's eyes widened. "We got company!"
The boy turned around. "... This is gonna hurt, but run!"
"Don't worry, I got you!" The princess carried the boy over her head as they sprinted.
"Oh, that's a lot better!" The boy nodded. "You're surprisingly strong for your body mass!"
"Thanks, but it's more like you're really light ... like seriously, you ate six months worth of food and it's like picking up a feather!"
"Really? Would have thought the bags we were carrying would have added a few pounds."
"Sir, they're running!" An imp shouted.
"I can see! Just keep chasing! They can't run forever!" Meanwhile, the Chazz had the sexual stamina of a titan. "Just start chugging stuff at them and they'll trip!" He grabbed a brick and chucked
"Charlie, move to the left!" The radio kid shouted without even seeing where the brick was coming from.
"Wha-"
"Trust me!" He yanked on the girl, as the bricks missed them.
"How did you-"
"Move to the right!" The girl complied, avoiding more bricks "Jump!" They jumped over broken glass without losing any speed. "Duck!" They ducked under a pipe without any effort. "Spin around and climb the fire escape while avoiding the cat with rabies!"
"How are you doing this!?" She shouted as a cat tackled one of their imps.
"When your life is in danger all the time, you know when it comes!" The kid shouted. "Now jump across the roof and do a backflip!"
"Come on, I chose you guys because you were the best, the greatest, and the easiest guys I could rustle up because you liked my dick! Do better!" Chazz ordered.
"We're mobsters, not freaking olympians!" Excuses.
Chazz turned back … only to see that they left … "FUCK!" There goes his easy money. Now he needed another get rich quick scheme … how rich where the mob?
Verosika smirked as she counted her latest check. "Sometimes, being a pop star has its perks." Things got a little shaky after her bet with that walking dildo of an ex of her's, but nothing a little ball fondling and tit teasing couldn't fix. Plus she was still famous, so it wasn't Like she had anything to worry about in the long run.
Now what to do next … keep playing a few gigs and party all night? Nah, she didn't have the energy. Maybe look for a new place? Too much paperwork, that was always a bitch to do. Maybe tonight she'd just make a cup of coco and listen to the radio. Sure, Blitz was likely to be on it, but so was that scrumptious little boy that's been on her mind. "Lust ring Chocolate secure." Like that … wait, she wasn't near a radio station. "And we didn't even have to pay much for it. She just wanted a massage."
"Iruma, she wanted more than a massage." An unfamiliar voice spoke up as Veroksia turned her head around the corner. "Something more intimate than that."
"… Did she also want a hug?" The boy answered with that adorable naivety that conveyed that tasty chasity. "I guess that made sense, she was complaining about how sore she was."
"Oh Iruma … never grow up." The new voice smiled-whoa, was that the princess of hell? Somebody was moving up in the world. "Surprised we haven't seen more of-"
"Well hello there good lookin." Spoke an incubus that walked up to the two of them. "What's an apple like you doin in a town like this?"
".. That.." The princess sighed. "Just grabbing some groceries, and then heading home… where my girlfriend will be waiting for me."
"I respect a woman that loves to take it in both ways." The incubus wagged his tail as he pressed his hand against the wall and leaned in close.
"I know. So few people are willing to just go out and take it. I don't really agree with Alastor a lot, but online purchases tend to ruin the value of a good meal." The cutie nodded, making her chuckle.
The incubus stared in bafflement at the mood being killed. "You know, I have some friends that can… educate you're kid here while we-"
Crunch
The Princess of hell glared down at the man, who's balls likely just cracked in half as she stood infront of the cutie. "I tolerate a lot, but involving this boy in anything you consider 'educational' is not one of them."
"Actually I wouldn't mind learning how to make these chocolates if he's offering."
Verosika chuckled as she walked up to him. "Trust me Iruma, you're not interested in what he's selling." The pop star made herself known.
"Oh, hey Verosika, it's been a while." Iruma waved with that bright smile of his.
"Wait, Verosika Mayday?" The princess questioned.
"Oh, you've heard of me." She smirked, adding a sultry tone. "Anything you like there, Ms Morningstar?"
"I.. uh, may have bought one or four CD's -that's not the point."
"It's one of the points." She grinned.
"You know her Iruma?" The princess asked.
"Oh yeah, funny story." He smiled. "She took Blitz's parking space, then her crew had sex with Moxxie against his will, then Blitz gambled me for said parking space on the condition that if he lost, I'd be her roadie for a week. They put me in a frilly dress, Loona put on a human disguise, they used us as human bait to kill a bunch of people, a giant pufferfish kaiju showed up, I got my leg broken, then Verosika gave me my first kiss."
"Wow, you know how to tell a story, kid." Verosika chuckled. "Not gonna mention how you broke your leg cause you pushed me out of the way of a falling skylight like a damsel in distress?"
"Well anybody could've done it, it just happened to be me." The cutie smiled.
"Aww, someone's a humble one." She smirked, leaning down and rubbing his face affectionately. "Heard you have a girl now, good on you. Knew a little virgin cutie like you wouldn't be on the market for long. Just make sure to find me and tell me if she's treating you right."
"Well, she is the second best friend I've made in hell, so I think she would." He gave off a bright and innocent smile.
"Good on you." She brought the kid closer. "And if she doesn't treat you right…. Then come and find me and I'll rock your world."
"Oh, you mean with one of your songs? With a guitar and stuff?"
"That and so much more.."
"Okay, that's enough innuendo, hehehe.." The princess pulled the cutie away. "Please stop trying to seduce my VERY underaged friend." She glared.
"He has the option of saying no, I'm one who respects boundaries you know." She was a succubus of class, thank you. "Plus the age of consent is looser in Japan, so nothing illegal in any case." Also this was hell, who gives a shit?
"It's okay Charlie. Verosika is around the third or fourth nicest demon I know." Iruma nodded. "It's kind of mixed up with Millie considering she kills people and Veroksia doesn't." He paused. "Then again Rosie is pretty high on that list too. Even if she's a cannibal who's friends with Alastor, she has really nice manners and this whole auntie vibe going on."
"Exactly, aren't you all about not everything being black and white princess?" Veroskia smirked. "I can be great company without including sex, though sex is partly what makes me such great company."
"Ooooh, prostitute." The boy nodded. "For a while, all the eating comments made me think cannibal. I was on a bit of a weird streak with them for a while."
"Eh, no worries, happens to the best of us." She waved, walking away. "Have a good one, Iruma. Hit me up when you visit lust again."
"Will do!" He responded with a happy smile.
"..I'm watching you." The princess growled.
"My backside hopefully, though your girlfriend might have something to say about that." Verosika chuckled. Would she want to take the cute back to her apartment and show him a fun time, oh definitely. But the kid was just starting his first relationship, where there was a special kid of magic that could only be lived through once.. and she wanted the kid to experience it himself before anything else.
Veroskia wouldn't break up a happy and burgeoning couple…. But that didn't mean she couldn't worm a cozy little spot for herself somewhere along the line.
Wally Wackford was a bit bored at the moment. But when you were fishing, that was to be expected. Fishing was a fuckin boring activity. It was the only fast way to get easy money in the envy ring, but that didn't mean he have to like it.
Just one big catch, and he could chop it into pieces, spray paint every other piece, and label each one as 'exotic envy shushi' and sell them for outrageous prices the normal demon could likely never afford but spend anyways because they were too stupid to know how to spend money.
Unfortunately, thanks to the Envy being structured on literal status in every way, shape, and form, everyone up top on the islands were so strong and powerful that all the wildlife was scared to even get near the surface. Meaning that the only fish left were so big that his bait didn't amount to much.
It was just another example of just how messed up the rich got to take everything before the little people like him could steal something of value. The inhumanity of it all. How was he supposed to con people out of their money if he didn't have anything to sell?
"I still say using you as bait is to risky." The voice of a lady winced as a rather fancy motorboat floated up.
"It's cheaper than buying worms. I know you keep saying it's fine, but I don't know the rings that well, so I don't know how much we'll need. Plus I know for a fact that no matter what animal we find, they always want to eat me gureenteed."
"… That should be a red flag."
"No, what's a red flag is that this water is green and black." The familiar voice of a boy he was absolutely going to exploit noted. "Exactly how much of this stuff is straight up acid/toxin?"
"Well demons have a high tolerance to most toxins, so I say… a solid eighty percent."
"… I know sloth is next, but I have seen their hospital prices. I might need a bit of sound to draw them out …"
Oooh, time to get both payback and pay at the same time! "Why I say I say, hello there, hello to you both this fine day!"
"Oh, it's you." The boy pouted. "Charlie, we should find another fishing spot."
"Come now, Nothin wrong with a bit of conversation between two people tryin to make money." He grinned.
"You tried to sell me to the V's and set a rabbid weasel on me!"
"Like I said, two people tryin to make money. So could you help me by giving me everything you have?"
"If you need something then I'm sure we can-iruma wait don't give him all the food we collected! You can fight it!" The princes of hell pulled the little bastard back, who was struggling to keep his arms from reaching out.
"Body … fighting … brain …" The boy got out through gritted teeth as his breathing increased.
"Oh come on, I'm begging ya for all your wares." Wally smiled. This was a good day and he would get exactly what he deserved-
"...What…. Are you doing….to my friend….!?" Right, princess. He almost forgot with how much of a pus she usually was.
Wally was a brave enough imp to call out the bluff of the rich elite, and that included big shot royals like Lucifer's daughter… but that didn't mean he had to try! "...SO LONG SUCKERS!" He grabbed their sack while they were distracted.
"Agggg! You're not getting away with this!" The lines yelled at him. "Iruma, can you drive a Motorboat!?"
"It be the twentieth time, but I'm a bit rusty!" The human nodded as he got to the steering wheel. "Just keep your balance and you'll be good!"
He kept pushing forward, in a small chase … until the boy suddenly turned the boy suddenly yanked the wheel, stopping the boat completely, letting Walky get away.
"Ha ha ha!" He shouted. "I say I say, today is a good day for Wally-!"
Crash
… A crash of waves showed a gaping maw … of one of the massive fished that lived in Envy … surrounding the only boat with a load of food on it … "Help! I say I say help me damn it!"
"Sorry, Iruma can't hear you!" The princess shouted back as she covered the boys ears with her hands. "But I'd be more than willing.. if you give us back our food!"
"I will, just get me out of this mess!" You can't make money if you're dead!
"I don't know, Iruma's told me a lot about almost getting eaten by giant fish, it sounds like a pleasant experience." The princess chuckled. "Maybe you need a few lessons yourself to really set it in!"
"I thought you were a nice second chance pansy girl!?"
"What can I say,.. taking advantage of a child is a line you don't fuck with around me."
"Fina, take it, take it, take it the fuck back!" He threw it over to them. "Now save me, I say I say! Save me!"
"Okay Iruma, I think he learned his lesson-Iruma?" The princess looked around. "Where are-"
Chomp
The boy was on top of the creature, having taken a huge gaping bite out of its head. "Don't worry, l make sure to save some for us to pack later!"
… The two of them stared in silence. "…" Wally took a marker, drawing an x on the corpse. "I call first majority."
Fwoosh
The Princess shot a firework through his boat. "Woopsie! Iruma, we better haul and leave fast! Spontaneous combustion!"
"That is the one dangerous situation I still can't anticipate." The boy nodded.
"I hate you both! I say I say, I hate you both!"
Barbie looked at her check. "Sometimes, it sucks being minimum wage." But this was sadly required. At least until she managed to store enough money. Getting an asmodean crystal was not easy, especially if you weren't a succubus. You had to prove yourself worthy of not fucking shit up, and the other requirement of buying a magic seal to get a human disguise to blend in and not fuck things up even more.
Maybe she should take two jobs, work harder to reduce the time it would take? It would prove her diligence and how she wouldn't fuck it up … like a certain bastard. Staying busy like that did keep her away from Blitzo, and the more distance she can create between them, the better.
Who knew how long it would take for him to simply notice she's gone, track her down, try and fuck up everything just like he did with mom- "The air in sloth always feels so nice … like I'm floating on a cloud and pain doesn't exist." A familiar voice drove Barbie out of her thoughts.
"That's Belfagor's pharmaceuticals at work. Back in my highschool days, she was the coolest person I knew." An unfamiliar voice spoke up. "Everyone loved her… of course I learned later that everyone else loved her so much because she gave them drugs, but she never gave them drugs to me because I was naturally 'high on life' all the time."
"How do you get high on life?" Barbie turned around, confirming her suspicions that the kid who helped her bust out of rehab was hangin around the … oh, princess of hell. Maybe she could get a deal out of the chick. "Isn't that just anyone alive?"
"I think she just liked how positive and upbeat I was. We still text each other even one hundred and seventy two years later to this day."
"Man, I can't even imagine having a friend for one year. Let alone a hundred and seventy two."
"It's all about putting yourself out there and presenting the best version of yourself." The princess grinned. "Anybody can make friends anywhere. You prove that with the friends you've made here."
"She's got a point. You made friends with me after all." Barbie made herself known. "Hey kiddo."
"Oh, hey Barbie." He waved with a smile. "How've you been? I haven't seen you since we broke out of rehab."
"You what?" The princess's eyes widened with shock.
"Same as you kid, working odd jobs to get by, though it's only one odd job at the moment." She waved off. "Farming freaking potatoes. I mean, out of all the food Sloth could grow, it's the one I have to dig into the ground for and fight hellmoles for."
"Oh sweet, we're actually looking for Sloth Potatoes." He grinned. "How much?"
Normally she wouldn't charge so much money for someone that helped her out, but the kid was next to a princess, so money wasn't an issue for them. "One hundred a bud." Barbie smirked.
"See Charlie, told you we should have saved as much as we could." The boy responded without any hint of suspicion or sarcasm.
"And I told you that money's not an issue for me, literally, I'm the princess of hell." and the princess responded by placing a stack of thousands of dollars in her place. "Will this be enough?"
"Lady, for this much, I'd sell you the land if I could and be a maid for life." Barbie grinned as she tucked what was probably three months worth of rent in her pocket. "Help yourself kiddos, pleasure doing business with ya."
"You too Barbie, thanks again." The boy smiled.
"You know if you're in the market for money you can help whenever you feel like." She shrugged. "I could always use another pedlar."
"I do know how to ride a bike." Iruma nodded.
"Ooh, that's a good cover to erase any police suspicion." Especially for going up top.
"And why would he need to have a cover?" The princess asked as she got in front of the kid. "Ms Imp lady that apparently Iruma helped break out of rehab?"
"Cause not every drug that would be sold would be legal … by earth standards." She shrugged. "Cocaine's perfectly alright in hell. Honest work."
"You're not turning him into a seller of illicit items!" Charlie shouted.
"Hey, you call it illicit, but it's hell, what counts as illicit is pretty stretched out." Barbie shrugged at the prissy priss. "Besides, it's JUST cocaine. Not like I'm cookin up some H8 shit. It's basically aspirin."
"..." The boy blinked at her. "Will there be shooting, plans of backstabbing, or threats to limbs involved?"
"Not intended, but it could happen if someone doesn't like you." She shrugged.
"Then that makes you better than any drug dealing boss I had before." Iruma smiled.
"You've had this kind of job before!?"
"Mostly back when I was eight." The kid nodded. "They told me I was shipping candy, though I got suspicious when people started shooting at me." He shrugged "I stopped it when IMP came and shot down the entire gang, before blowing up the building itself."
"See, kid's a natural already." Barbie grinned as she used her tail to rub his head. "And who can deny this wittle face some help?" Guilt tripping, a beloved tactic of any demon.
"I am going to have to invest in so much therapy for the hotel." The princess groaned as she shook her head. That wasn't a no~.
Lin hugged the little rascal. "Millie … definitely gets her ... loving side ... from you …" Her daughter's tot wheezed out within the grasp. "Great to see you again too ... Mr and Mrs Millie's parents.."
"Ah, enough with the formalities, ya part of the family now!" Jo slapped the boy on the back. "A little rough and tough rascal like yours is always welcomed to call us grandpa and grandma!"
"Yep. Understood." The boy winced. Takin pain and chuggin like a champ … truly a wrathian through and through.
"Hello there, so nice to meet you!" The princess of hell (wasn't that a sight to take in) smiled, holdin out a hand to Sallie. "I'm Charlie!"
"... I don't touch bitches unless I'm killin them." Their other daughter said bluntly.
"Sallie, she's the guest of ya sister's tot, don't be rude." Jo glared. "Sorry about that, Missy, Sallie's just been a little sore since losing the pain games. We've told her a million times before, getting brutally beaten down is just the best way to come back stronger."
"Of course …" The woman nodded. "So … you know Iruma here?"
"Of course! This little boy here is our honorary grandson!" Lin ruffled the boy's head and wrapped her arm around his neck. "He stopped a no good varmit that hurt our darling daughter and her spineless husband. Ripped his tail right off. We have it hung over our fireplace."
"... He did what now?" She looked at Iruma.
"The brawl kind of got bad, he was choking me, I acted on instinct, then he shot me in the leg with a holy bullet." Her husband explained. "So that's never gonna heal and I walk with a limp now … plus side, I won the moral high ground by not wearing a shirt."
"...I'm gonna take you back to the hospital when this is all over." They said.
"I know your rich, but even then I don't think we can afford their interest rates." The boy shivered. "I'll just patch up my own wounds like I always do."
"That's the spirit!" Lin ruffled the boy's face. "Now what brings you two down to wrath this fine evening?"
"We're on a bit of a scavenger hunt for our hotel." The woman smiled.
"Wait, I thought you were workin with Millie and her 'free'lancing?" Joe questioned.
"I have multiple jobs." The tot nodded. "If you're constantly working, then you always feel satisfied."
"Aww, look at you bein so determined." She ruffled his head. "What kind of hotel you two got goin on?"
"The Happy Hotel!" The princess smiled. "Where we rehabilitate sinners and send them to heaven."
Sallie May started laughin, falling to the ground. "Oh, that's a good one! You said that with such intensity that it almost sounded like you genuinely believed it!"
Joe chuckled. "Rude as she is, Sally's got a point. This boy's smart enough to not work in such a doomed job."
"I…ah.." The boy chuckled. "Kind of didn't have a choice-anyways, we just need to hunt down a wraith peppers to bring back."
"Oh, that's easy. They grow in active volcanos." Lin pointed to one in the distance. "Like those over there."
Kabbooooossssh
"Oooh, your just in time for the lava flow!" Joe laughed as the oozing molten dirt flowed out in a dazzling spill of red light, scorching and melting everything in its path. "Always a beaut, ain't it?"
The two guests stared at it with weird blank expressions as the lava flowed. "…Well better get climbing before the sulfur spreads." And the tot marched ahead like a champ.
"Make sure to come back some time to visit, we always have a room ready!" Lin waved.
"... No offense, you're lovely people." Iruma told them. "But I really don't think I want to live in a ring this deadly and barren of food."
"It ain't barren, there's food everywhere." Joe pointed out to a hellpig … that immediately got mauled by a swarm of hellsquitos. "It's all a matter of gettin to it first."
"I mean, that is basically my whole life.."
"Let's ponder about that later and talk more about how you're not freaking out walking into a volcano!" The princess shrieked as they walked ahead.
"One time my mom lost a pearl down a volcano when they were taking a vacation to Hawaii and asked me to grab it. At least this time it's for something edible and useful."
"… Please tell me you brought a crying pillow."
"I didn't pack one. Why waste time on crying when you can push forward." Definitely a member of the family alright.
Tex shook himself off as he got out of the ring. Today may have been his day off, but the hellhound liked to keep his figure. So some good old wrestling was just what he needed for today. No hellhound worth their salt would want to stay on the couch all day without getting a little action in. They were social creatures that thrived on comradery, the top Queen Bee of Gluttony made extra sure of that.
There was only one rule in Gluttony-Bring good vibes in. You partied and you had a good time. In this realm, you ate as you pleased and indulged whatever your heart wanted to the fullest extent. Some may say it was just having fun to ignore problems, but that wasn't it at all. Bee made sure of that one herself, reading people better than they knew themselves … most of the time. She was still a bit of a high energy gal, so there were times she was wrong.
"Hey Tex." He turned to one of his workout mates, who pulled out their phone. "I'm planning a Sunday drug session this week. You interested?"
"Nah, can't. Boss's got a gig uptop and I can't be seeing stars on the job."
"Honestly, I don't know why you're even working at all." They rolled their eyes. "Your chick's the top dog of Gluttony. Why not take advantage of that.
"Cause I don't want to be a douche who can't be self sufficient and just moozes off my girl." He deadpanned. "I ain't a damn Baphomet."
"Booo, just sounds like a lot of extra work to me." They groaned as they took in a long chug.
"Well, I'm also the guy sleeping with a sin, so I still stay I come out the winner between the two of us." He normally didn't brag about the sin part, but in little moments like this, it felt warranted.
"Ah, fuckin got me there." The guy nodded, taking a sip of an energy drink, before sniffing. "Hey, does it suddenly smell like earth and angel shit to anyone else in here?"
"Really?" Vortex took a sniff. "Hm, smells like an apple pie got drenched in anxiety, with a hint of sulfur and friendship … no, that's aloe."
"Just a little bit more and we'll have seventy FIVE percent of your burns covered!" Spoke a cheery voice-was that the princess of hell? "Then we can work on the other twenty five when we get home." Said princess was rubbing the stuff all over-hey, it was that radio kid his boss was going crazy over.
"Wow, this stuff is good. Usually I just mix cold water with crushed leaves whenever I get set on fire." The boy smiled brightly.
"In no circumstance should you get used to being on fire." The princess deadpanned.
"But it's hell. Everything's on fire."
"That doesn't make it okay."
"But it makes it normal."
"Still not okay."
"Not being okay is normal." The boy nodded.
"It really isn't!" Looks like the princess was getting stressed out. Well, might as well help out.
"Yo, Suzuki!" Vortex waved with a grin.
"Oh, hey … Tex, right?" The boy asked, getting a nod. "Cool."
"Another person you know?" The princess asked.
"Yeah, Tex works for Verosika as a bodyguard. He's also friends with Loona, I think."
"Definitely. Hellhounds stick together through thick and thin." Tex nodded. "What brings you to this side of gluttony? I thought you helped my boss's crazy ex kill drunk and horny teenagers and college kids?"
"So much is wrong with that sentence.." The princess grumbled.
"Alastor got me a new job as a bellboy. I'm restocking the hotel with exotic foods cause I accidently ate all six months worth" He nodded.
"Ah, say no more, I got you." Tex nodded. "Few months ago my girl got into a habit of sleep eating. She ate a whole year's supply in one night."
"That's horrifying! What good is there in eating all that food if you don't remember it!?"
"Eh, it's an old person thing." He shrugged. More like because she ate twenty four seven as the sin of gluttony and has been around since the dawn of time, but that would be a bit of a mouthful for a clueless human. "So, what are you lookin for at the moment?"
"This is our last stop, and we're looking for Gluttony 'Honey'... .it says for Husk, and going by the pitcher of kegs, I'm assuming we're getting beelzejuice." The princes sighed as she looked over a list.
"Ooh, then you've come to the right place, Gluttony is always flowing with honey." Tex grinned.
"Great!" Iruma smiled, pulling out a jar. "Where do we grab it?"
"Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold it, little jumper, around here, there's a certain way to get it."
"If it's money, it's no problem." The princess glared. "If it's sexaul favors, I will burn this place down."
"If it's hunting bees I got myself a sting suit." The kid pulled one out of the bag.
"Cute." Tex chuckled. "Nothing like that. You see, in gluttony, to drink the honey, ya gotta prove yourself." He pointed around to the hellhounds having fun. "You can't just take the fun stuff without proving you can have fun yourself."
"Oooh, so like a contest?" Suzuki asked.
"Yeah, something like that." He grinned, pointing to a small circle, where hellhounds were gathering around playing tug a way. "For newcomers like you, we can start you off small. Win one round of tug a war, and you can have your honey."
"Sweet, sounfds easy!"
"Uh, Iruma, you might want to reconsider." The princess pointed at the circle.
SNAP
A hellhound was sent flying overhead, all of his teeth haven been cracked as he made a crater in the wall. "Wow, nice flop!" The others laughed.
"You're right …." The kid nodded.
"Oh thank fuck you realized-"
"With my leg messed up I'll need a new stance." The kid walked ahead. "They're all using their teeth…. Maybe I should get on all fours to get a better grip on the ground."
"Iruma, that doesn't seem very safe-!"
"Going full hound, you got guts kid!" Tex cheered on. "I'm rootin for ya!"
The girl groaned. "I am stuck between stopping him from hurting himself, looking for alternative options, and letting him do his own thing from being a doormat most of his life."
"Relax, I've heard the radio show." Tex waved off. "The kid doesn't have most of his screws on, but he's got heart. Heck, he ran deeper into the extermination just to save his girl. Not too many demons or people that go that far for someone." He always admired someone who stuck out for their pack.
"I know, I know." The princess sighed. "I just … a live human is being tortured, and even as the princess of hell I can't do anything. No one HAS done anything about it. The entire process is just … just …"
"GRRR!" A hellhound growled, mocking the kid as he pulled with his teeth …
"GRRRR!" The boy actually growled back in the actual language of wolves as he pulled with all his might, using a tree as leverage.
"Whooa, way to go kid!" Tex howled as the kid pulled and harder.
"Don't let that pup show you up!" A female hellhound shouted. "Win this or no sex for a month!"
The competitor doubled at that, pulling hard enough that the tree started to bend for a sec, but the human wasn't showing signs of a struggle, continuing to pull with all their might. "Grrrrrrrrrr!"
"Whoa, you did NOT just say that about his mother!" Tex cackled as the hounds with 'ooooooh'.
"Wait, what!?" The princess shouted in surprise.
"Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!" The competing hellhound responded.
"Grr, ggrrr, grrrr!"
"Ah, that makes perfect sense." Tex nodded.
"Seriously, can someone translate!?"
They continued to pull, and pull, and pull … until the footing from underneath the hellhound gave out, snapping the tree back as the dude was sent flying through the sky. "... Is he gonna be fine?" The boy asked as he climbed down.
"HOW, OW, HOWWWWWWW!" The pack cried out with cheer, lifting the boy up and tossing him in the air. "Feral puppy feral puppy feral puppy feral puppy-!" They announced over and over again.
"...I don't know how to take that…" The princess blinked rapidly at the sight, looking like she didn't believe what just happened.
"So we get the honey now, right?" The kid asked as he was dropped.
"Heck yeah, you do!" Tex patted the kid on the head. "Yo, someone get the kid a few kegs of Beezeljuice!"
"Iruma… how… how did you.." The princess struggled to ask.
"When you get attacked by enough wolves, you pick up a few things." The kid shrugged. "Plus they're definitely more sociable than lions trying to eat you." He smiled up at her. "I know things are scary, and can get even worse, but if you can't avoid something, you have to charge it head on and try to make the best out of it."
"That's hell for ya." Tex chuckled. "As for the honey, there's a river a block down. No bees you need to worry about tryin to sting ya, kid."
"Thanks Tex." The kid grinned, turning back to the princess. "Oooh, you think we can make honey buns out of it? I've only ever had half of one before when I worked in that bakery in paris… alot of black and white butterflies flew around for some reason."
"... Yeah, we can make honey buns. Shouldn't be too hard of a recipe." The princess bounced back with a peppy smile.
"Yayy! This has been the best shopping trip I've ever been on!"
This kid was crazier than he ever expected…. Oh Beez was gonna get a kick out of this.
Charlie wasn't expecting much when she got into this trip. Help the boy travel, grab the list, and head back home … It lasted three days, and now Charlie had many, MANY questions about Iruma's life on earth, and how many broadcasts she missed, because it seemed she wasn't even a FOURTH aware of how much his life just … sucked. "Wait, so the whole premise is about adults killing teenagers?." And going by the boy's continuous smile, neither was he. "Seems a little bleak given your personality." Iruma asked.
"It is a horrible situation, but I love the spirit of defiance against awful situations." She answered. "And it's less adults killing teenagers, and more of a death match with random people selected from each district … it just so happens that the main characters happen to be teenagers who volunteered."
"Ah, I get you." The boy nodded. "If I had to pick a favorite book I like that wasn't manga … I say the one about the hunchback maybe?"
"The Disney movie?"
"Never seen it." He answered. "A boy raised by a cruel parental figure that pushed everything bad on him and constantly trying to find happiness in his situation … I just found it relatable and less made me feel alone, especially in retrospect with how everything started because a mother gave up her child to a horrible person."
"... How did you even have parents like that?" Like seriously, what the actual fuck?
"If they have any talent, it's tricking social services." They shrugged. "It's partially why I don't really mind being in hell. Getting out of here would mean just going back to them and making them money I can't use myself." So, SO many concerns. "Of course Alastor is still the worst, but that's just par for the course. Always someone who likes hurting others somewhere."
"Sadly… can't argue with that." The exterminators, the various overlords, the people in cannibal town… it could be a bit much on most days. "Still, it's pretty amazing. I think you might be more ready to handle hell than I am in some cases."
"Eh, I just have lucky experiences." Most of those experiences she would NOT call lucky. "You're still pretty smart, and you're nice to everybody. It's rare for me to meet anybody like that. You're a really good boss and friend."
"And you're just the sweetest little thing in hell, aren't you?" She rubbed his soft and adorable face. Once again, a face that did NOT belong in hell, and one she would do her damndest to help get out of.
"I get that a lot … mostly from adult women." He noted as they walked. "We got the stuff! Husk, we got you Beelzejuice!"
"You're a gift, kid!" The cat demon shouted in an unusually happy tone. "Thank fuck, I was going crazy with only cheep booze to block out the spider slut."
"Oh come on, I haven't even made any sex jokes!"
"You just being here is enough!" Looks like the time away did NOT improve those two at all.
"Doggie!" Nifty ran up to Iruma and rubbed his head. "Aw, how's my chomper been? Get into any nasty fights or rip up any bodies?"
"I got into a tug of war fight and a boat chase, but otherwise no." He answered.
"Aww, boo." The woman pouted.
"My oh my, what lovely little treats." Alastor smiled as he walked by. You two did an excellent job, thank you."
"You're welcome." Iruma slowly nodded, walking backwards. "Never trust him when he thanks you." He whispered to Charlie. "Or any other time, but especially not now."
"I've got that." She nodded. Nobody could hurt Alastor, partially because of his power, but more partially due to how he'll waste no time putting Iruma in danger … so the man had to stay … for now.
The man chuckled as he carried the food to the kitchen. "Who knew that the king of hell played with rubber ducks."
"...Fucccccckkkk, everyone heard that!?" Charlie groaned, having forgotten how the radio broadcast worked.
"Yeah." Angel Dust nodded. "Should I start with asking if Barbie Wire can hook a guy up with some cocaine, or point out the hypocrisy of a two hundred year old demon dating a twenty year old sinner accusing someone of an age gap, princess cradle robber?"
SHING
And Vaggie came in throwing her spear above Angel's head. "Next time I won't miss!" Vaggie shouted, turning back to her. "Charlie, thank god, you're home." She hugged her. "Please don't leave me alone with these idiots again."
"Sorry, the trip just took a little longer than expected." She nervously chuckled. "How was the shopping trip?"
"... So much fire … so much booze …" Vaggie shivered.
"So many people to stab!" Nifty cackled as she held broken bottles in her hands. "Who wants a piece!?"
"Sorry.." Iruma pouted, turning her attention back to him. "Alastor broadcasts everything I say/hear. I don't have a single private thought unless I stay quiet forever, and trust me, I've considered it."
"If you did, I'd just torture you the old fashion way and make your screams heard all over hell, so it's very much an equal sum zero situation!" The radio demon shouted from the kitchen.
"Don't worry Iruma. I still had a lot of fun with you" She rubbed his head. "I love that I've gotten to know you so well, and I've learned more about hell.
"Yeah, yeah, keep telling the kid who broadcasting everything he hears that you're completely clueless about your own fucking home." Husk rolled his eyes as he washed one of his cups. "That won't turn anybody off at all."
"You can drink or you can get stabbed, pick your poison!" Vaggie yelled.
"Already did!" The cat shouted.
"Well, it's been a long three days, and my date with Octavia's coming soon … so i'm going to bed .. If that's alright with everyone." Iruma brought up.
"Go ahead and rest." She patted his head. "We'll take it from here and call you for dinner."
"Thanks…." The boy started walking upstairs. "... I mean it charlie … It was a great three days … Just … thank you."
"Anytime." She waved him off. "Anytime…" She WOULD save him from his contract … no matter what it took.
"… So …" Vaggie started. "When are you gonna tell your dad about us?"
"Lets not dive into that well today." Waaaay too much baggage was already spilled.
"Okay … who's Verosika Mayday?"
"Oh, she's a succubus popstar." Wasn't like she wouldn't tell Vaggie about it. She was her girlfriend, you never hid anything from someone you loved.