Boilerplate Disclaimer: The various characters from the movie Zootopia are owned by Disney the great and powerful.
This is set in my Who Do You Trust continuity.
Mystery of the Missing Sister
I was sitting at Shultz's lunch counter, sipping my cherry phosphate as slowly as possible, as I gazed out at the pouring rain. Night and pouring rain, I felt lucky. The kind of night a client was sure to stumble in, looking for Nick Cool – Private Eye, Ears, and Nose. But, until good luck pushed in through the doors, I'd nurse my phosphate as long as possible to avoid explaining to Mike my current insolvency. I–
"What's insolvency?" asked Jade.
"No money. He was broke, flatter than a porcupine's balloon. But rain is a good sign because–"
"It helps the crops grow?"
"Which of us is telling this story? No, it's always raining when someone hires hard-boiled detective. No one comes looking for help on a bright sunshiny day. Where was I?"
"Sitting at the lunch counter with a cherry phosphate you couldn't pay for." Judy reminded him.
"Don't confuse fact with fiction. Not me. Nick Cool – Private Eye, Ears, and Nose. We now return you to our story..." My straw was starting to suck air, and Mike was eyeing me for the nickle I didn't have when a gust of wind blew in with a soaked rabbit. As she turned to shut the door my eyes took the scenic tour up her long shapely legs to the cutest little–
Judy sighed in exasperation. She sat rocking baby Julie in a corner of the bedroom while Nick told Jade a bedtime story. "Keep it G-Rated. Or I'll make you read a book."
"Tail! There is nothing wrong with saying tail! Jay? Would you rather have your daddy read you a boring old book or thrill you with tales of Nick Cool?"
"Nick Cool!"
"See," Nick grinned at his wife. "She has wonderful taste. And this is educational."
Judy raised a eyebrow.
"It extends her vocabulary." He turned to Jade. "Do you remember the new word you learned?"
"Ins... Ins..."
"Do you remember what it means?"
"Having no money."
Nick kissed his daughter on the top of her head. "You're a genius."
The rabbit looked to me, desperation in her gorgeous eyes. "I need help," she said, "Are you Nick Cool?"
"Who wants to know?" I asked carefully. Not only didn't I have the nickle for the phosphate but I was behind in rent. I could imagine my landlord hiring a process server and didn't want to self–incriminate. What's your name, sister?"
"Trudy... Why did you call me sister?"
"It's how us hard-boiled detectives address dames before we get their names."
"Nick Cool is a pig," commented Judy.
"No, Mommy," Jade corrected. "He's a fox."
Nick coughed to regain attention. "I need your help," the rabbit pleaded. "My sister is missing."
"Your real sister, or some dame you don't know the name of?"
"My real sister, you idiot."
I decided my fee was going up for whatever this case was gonna be. "What's the problem, Trudes?"
"My name is Trudy Hopper," she reminded me through gritted teeth, "My sister, Susan is missing! I'm worried about her!"
"How long's the kid been missing," I asked.
"Yesterday. I called her at the dorm this morning and her roommate answered, a badger named Rachel Spades, said Susan wasn't in last night! I'm worried about her."
I closed one eye and tried to look thoughtful, "You couldn't find her this morning? Why did you wait for tonight to find me?"
"I've heard you can only hire a hard-boiled detective in the night when it's raining."
"True," I conceded, "but you're hiring a hard-boiled private eye, ear, and nose. We cost more, but we're worth it."
"We? There's more than one?"
"Okay, Sister," I admitted, "I'm it. But I'm still worth it. Twenty-five creds a day, three day minimum, and thirty cred retainer for expenses."
"I..." she stammered, "I..."
"Want your sister back or don't you?" I'd have settled for a sawbuck, but wouldn't tell–"
Jade interrupted, "What's a sawbuck, Daddy?"
"A ten credit bill."
"Why's it called a sawbuck?"
"Ask your Mom. It'll remind her I'm not just telling you a story – we're engaged in vocabulary expansion. It's very educational. Now... Where was I?"
"You'd just held me up for thirty credits," Judy reminded him.
"Don't take it so personally," Nick teased. "Just a story. Okay, back to the thrilling adventures of Nick Cool. I turned back to Trudy. "When was your sister last seen?" I demanded.
"Yesterday. Rachel said she was in class – they have a class together – but wasn't in bed last night."
"Your sister and this Rachel good friends? Enemies?"
"Just classmates, I think. Suze complains Rachel snores. I don't know that Rachel has any complaint about Suze."
"She probably does, but not enough to bump your sister off. Does Susan have a steady guy she's seeing?"
"Not that I know of," answered Trudy. "She studying hard to be a doctor and... She has a social life, but no steady male."
"Jealous male," I muttered. "Males are brutes."
"They certainly are," agreed Judy.
"Hey, are you telling this story or me?" Nick retorted. "We could always trade places."
"And you'll nurse Julie? I'd like to see that."
Nick gazed skyward, "Everyone's a comedian," he murmured. He glanced back and forth between Judy and Jay, "There will be no refunds given to anyone unhappy with tonight's performance. Is that clear?"
"I'm happy, Daddy. Was aunt Suzie really lost?"
"This is just a story, remember. Now, let me get back into character..."
"Trudy gave me a list of names, three of them stood out – two cops. Zootopia is a cesspit, and the cops are the nastiest goons of them all–"
"You always say the police are my friends," objected Jade.
"They are," Judy reminded her. "Daddy is just telling a story."
"Mommy is right. I don't know why they're always bad in hard-boiled detective stories. It's a cliché. Cliché, something that keeps getting repeated way too often. So, when you hear someone say, 'All foxes are sneaky' what do you say?"
"My daddy is a fox?"
"No, you say that is a cliché. Bad police officers are a cliché in some stories, but you don't know any in real life."
The first officer was a weasel. He might have been a good cop if he tried, but he was too busy chasing skirts. Or they were chasing him. Ernie claimed he had three females chasing him and they kept him too busy to keep track of this Susan rabbit. He admitted knowing her and that he'd had a crush on her at one point, but insisted that was years ago. They sometimes met for coffee and unload frustrations on each other.
The fact he admitted having a crush on her made him willing to hit him a couple times to see if I could jar loose any more information, but even while we were talking he took two phone calls – one was a doll he promised to pick up at 8:00 tonight; he was going to the other one's house the next night for a home-cooked meal.
It was weird meeting a weasel with a skirt problem. Most of 'em can't buy a date. I could empathize with him – every female we hard-boiled detectives meet falls for us. Trudy would probably be in my arms by the end of the story.
"She may never be in your arms again at this rate," Judy suggested.
"Just tell yourself, 'It's only a story, it's only a story'."
Sergeant Clauhauser sat the station desk – his mean streak as big as his waist, I'd had run-ins with him in the past and the scars to show for it. I slipped on a pair of brass knuckles as I approached his desk. If the cheetah wasn't in a good mood I wasn't going to be his punching bag.
"What do you want?" he growled at me. "They picked up the trash yesterday. You're late."
"Just a little information," I told him and slipped him a five spot.
He stared it with with contempt. "You won't get much for that."
"Susan Hopper. Seen her?"
The big goof actually let out a sigh, then looked serious. "She's missing?"
"Yeah, and you were named an animal of interest."
"No way... She's so cute... I... They don't like it when you call them cute, do they?"
"So I've been told."
"Find her," he said, "or you answer to me." He slid the five back to me. I knew he was serious.
Him turning down the five meant he was telling the truth, or as close to the truth as the slob could get.
Apparently everyone loved Susan Hopper – with the possible exception of her badger dorm mate. Badgers are usually honest, but they have nasty tempers. I wondered if medical students had ways of disposing of bodies I could say in front of a five year old child.
"My guess would be no," Judy told him.
"Which is why I'm not trying. Now back to our story."
I had one more name on my list, an electrical engineer named Terry. He was almost a kid brother to me, his older brother being an old friend. I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt, but I still needed answers – and I hadn't gotten any so far.
Talking with Terry brought the sum total of my knowledge from zero up to nothing. When this Susan had started at Zoo U several years ago she'd asked him out a few times to gather information on campus life. He'd asked her out a time or two to prove to the nerds he knew a hot chick. Claimed he hadn't talked with her since a poker game several months earlier.
After spending a day chasing leads that vanished before I could get my paws on them I had nothing to show for it except sore feet. I was supposed to report to Trudy at Schultz's at 6:00. At least I had the bus fare to take me there.
"Have you found Suze?" Trudy demanded before I could even sit down at the booth.
"I can't find anyone who'd want to harm a hair on her ears. Any chance you bumped her off yourself and just hired me to throw off the investigation?"
"That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard."
"And the conversation is just starting. What was your sister doing last time you talked with her?"
"She said she was getting ready to cram for exams."
I nodded. Right time of year for students to want to focus. "When do exams begin?"
"I think she said next week."
"And her dorm mate snores. Where are your parents?"
"They live in a town called Bunnyville."
"Take out your phone. Call your Mom. Ask to speak to Susan."
"That's stupid."
"Do it."
Fuming with anger Trudy took out her phone and followed my direction. Three minutes later she was chatting with her sister. And, once again, the day is saved by Nick Cool, Private Eye, Ear, and Nose.
"I never panicked and figured it out without you in fifteen minutes," Judy reminded him.
"But where's the drama? The pathos? The gritty underbelly of the great city?" He turned to the younger audience. "What do you say? Good story?"
"Yea! Almost as good as Danger Bunny."