Most of the council has arrived by the time Lucifer and Charlie make it, Lucifer weighed down by no less than three Barbie-themed backpacks. He's still in his pajamas and Vox has to bite back a snide comment about how one should present themselves. Considering his list of sins, he probably shouldn't get on the Devil's bad side.
"Vel's in her room," Valentino says, giving Charlie a tight smile. Charlie grabs one of the bags from her dad and then she sprints upstairs. Lucifer makes to go after her but forces himself to stop.
"Are they safe up there?"
"Niffty is standing guard," Alastor says. "Carmilla's armed her to the teeth with Angelic steel." That does have him relaxing a touch, though Vox wonders what their maid can do against a threat that makes Lucifer anxious. He also wonders if he could sneak some whiskey into his coffee. "Shall we gather in the kitchen?"
"I'm not in the mood to eat."
"And I'm not in the mood to feed you, you pompous—"
"It's been sealed," Angel interrupts. "Y'know, with Al's hoodoo shit? Ain't nobody hearing anything in there that we don't approve of." Vox straightens out of his slouch, squinting up at the Wendigo.
"Is that why there aren't any ants in there," he asks. "Cause there's a lot of ants in my bathroom."
"Handy trick, huh?" Vox snorts, making a mental note to ask Alastor about his hoodoo-voodoo-that-he-do bullfuckery. If they could seal the entire house, then they'd never have to worry about grasshoppers again.
They gather around the table, sitting shoulder-to-shoulder with a few people still having to stand or sit on the counter. The table isn't particularly large, it's meant for the Vees and a few guests, but nothing like this. Lucifer seats himself at the head of the table, Alastor on one side and Zestial on the other. A power thing? And where is the owl prince?
"I presume we all know why we're gathered here," Lucifer starts. The people around them nod their heads, but Vox and Valentino share an annoyed glare.
"We don't, actually," Valentino interrupts, snapping his fingers until all eyes are on him. "All we know is that we've been drawn to a creepy fucking house in the woods and we both saw two different people. What's the deal with that?"
"Alastor's old house?"
"It certainly matches his aesthetic. Crumbling, old, spooky. No offense, Al." Alastor scowls at the kiss Valentino sends him, baring yellowed fangs. It's only Angel's hand on his shoulder that keeps Alastor in his seat, but his claws have lengthened enough to dig shallow grooves in the table. "Anyway, if you all don't start explaining yourselves, I'm gonna take this neat little Angelic dagger and start stabbing people." He holds it up, the overhead light catching the edge of the blade with a teasing wink.
"He will," Vox adds. "He's very precise with his knives." Vox's fingers drift up to the scar on his face, recalling the look of pure concentration that had transformed Valentino from gorgeous to divine. "Let's get some answers, huh? So we don't have to figure out if you lot can double-die."
"Is it bad that I'm kinda turned on right now," Angel whispers.
"Same," Lucifer murmurs.
"Could the both of you focus, please," Carmine snaps. She's been silent the entire time, practically standing in parade rest. Vox wonders if she's hellborn or just another Sinner. Definitely a military background. "We all know why this thing would stay near Alastor's old home."
"We do," Vox asks. Carmine's glare cuts deeper than any Angelic steel, sharp and bright with rage. "Don't fucking give me that look in my own house. I'll poke you so full of holes, you'll blow around the kitchen like a popped balloon. Why would whatever this is haunt Alastor's old place?"
"That's where the portal is," Angel says matter-of-factly. All eyes swivel to him and he preens under the attention. "Alastor summoned me there back in the forties and we never closed it. That's how all of us except the royalty got outta Hell, how we travel back and forth."
"But you all don't stay there," Zestial protests. "Why should this person?"
"We all stuck pretty close to it when we first came through, though. Gotta build your power up before you can find a new place to live. Maybe this bitch needs a recharge."
"Charlie—" Lucifer's voice cracks and he has to clear his throat before he tries again. "Charlie says this person has to gather the right magic to them before they can take on Heaven. The easiest way to take someone's power is to have them sign over their soul or kill them."
"My shadow had no power of its own," Alastor says. "They were just an extension of my consciousness."
"Maybe they're coming for you next. As glad as I am that your head is finally on the chopping block, I kind of need it attached for now. Obviously whoever this is already has enough power stored up to kill the Shade, but who came first? Who has double-died recently in town?"
"Nobody."
"Who's disappeared?" Silence engulfs the room as the demons think it over. Surely they can't account for everyone in Static? "Come on, people, think. Who left without a warning? Who left and never returned?" Alastor opens his mouth, but Lucifer beats him to it. "Besides my wife, you deer-brained dick." Alastor promptly shuts his mouth.
"I haven't seen Lute in a while," Husk says. "Her or Adam, actually. I just figured they found a way to smuggle Adam back into Heaven or somethin'." There's a ripple of quiet murmuring, like the soft sound of cicadas through a closed window.
"Adam did have a good bit of power. Him and Lute combined might be enough to take on the Shade. But who would have enough power to kill them both?"
"Sorry I'm late," Stolas calls, hustling into the room. "I had to wait for Blitzy's little friends to portal in so they could guard Via. What have I missed?"
"Adam and Lute are dead along with the Shade and we're tryin' to figure out who did it," Husk says. Stolas' red eyes widen, a brief glimpse of white pupils before they fuzz out.
"Isn't it obvious?" Stolas rolls his eyes when no one catches on. At least, Vox thinks he does. It's hard to tell when his entire eyeball is just one color. He rolled his eyes in spirit. "Who do we all know that hates Adam and Lute, has a grudge against Heaven, and has trouble staying grounded on Earth?"
"That Wally guy," Angel asks. "The one with the mustache and neat lil top hat?"
"No, you idiots. Roo. She was abused by Adam, kicked out of the Garden, and she lost most of her power when she defended Static against the government all those years ago. My goodness, I thought you all were meant to be intelligent."
"Nah, I'm meant to stand still and look pretty."
"And you're doing a wonderful job, dear."
"But why would she kill the Shade if she's on our side," Vox demands. "Isn't she supposed to, I dunno, like the people of this town?"
"To be completely honest, she's entirely uninterested in us." Lucifer makes a noise of protest, but one glare from Vox has him shutting up. If he and Valentino are going to keep their daughter safe, then they need all the information they can get.
"Why? What happened to her?"
"After she chased the government out of town, she was severely weakened." Stolas moves to perch on the counter, his talons barely brushing the tiles. "She never had as much power as Lucifer or Lillith, God seemed to have learned his lesson the second time around, but she was never weak before."
"She never regained her full power," Lucifer picks up. "She…." He sighs, running fingers through already tousled hair. "She became depressed, tried to kill herself, but Lillith convinced her that wasn't the answer. That's around the time Charlie was born and Roo threw herself into spoiling her. She seemed happy, but then she up and decided to return to Hell."
"What caused her to decide that," Valentino asks. "You don't just decide to go to Hell on a whim."
"No, you don't. She and Lillith talked for hours about it that night, practically kicked Charlie and I out of the house. When I came home the next morning, all of Roo's things were packed and she was gone. Lilly said that Roo was going to move into our palace and recuperate."
"But why? Rest and relaxation is all well and good, but why go to Hell for that? She obviously wasn't limited to staying in town."
"I wasn't told anything else."
"So call Lillith and ask her."
"What?"
"Call her." Valentino says this slowly, like he's talking to an intern. He even makes a phone gesture with his hand. Seeing him talk like that to the literal King of Hell is better than any aphrodisiac. Vox would jump him right now if he wasn't sure Carmine would gut them both.
"I can't just call up my ex-wife and demand to know what happened to her girlfriend!"
"Sure you can! I do it all the time. Gimme your phone." Valentino wriggles his fingers impatiently until Lucifer finally gives in and hands it over. The phone is promptly handed to Vox in order to find the correct name (Valentino's glasses are still upstairs on the nightstand and he's blind as a bat). Vox settles on FaceTime, figures it might get Lillith to answer them if she sees the whole council has gathered.
"I swear to your father, if our daughter has pink hair again I'm going to gut you—" Lillith cuts herself off mid-threat when she realizes it's not her husband calling. "Who are you?" She tilts her head like she can somehow see the room beyond Valentino's face. "Where's my idiot?"
"Shell-shocked at my kitchen table."
"Yeah, that sounds right. Is my daughter okay?"
"Oh, she's fine so long as we can figure out why Roo would want to kill all of Static and then fight God." Valentino says it casually, like someone would describe the weather. A bit muggy, chance of rain, slightly larger chance of death and dismemberment.
"Roo? You mean this Roo?" She tilts her phone to reveal a gorgeous brunette in the bed next to her. Roo, it turns out, doesn't want to be seen wearing a retainer and hipster glasses. She pushes Lillith's hand aside with a soft laugh. "The only thing Roo is doing is me."
"Then who here would have a grudge against Heaven," Vox asks. He pops his head into frame so that Lillith can see him and he can't help the ego rush he gets when Lillith gives him an appreciative once-over.
"Who doesn't have a grudge against Heaven in Static?" There's a muffled sound of sheets being pushed aside and then Roo is leaning over Lillith, retainer and glasses put away.
"Where are they stationed," she asks.
"Alastor's old place."
"The creepy one with the portal in the basement?" Alastor makes a sound of offense, but Angel's there to keep him restrained. "No offense, bud. You know I love you." Alastor grumbles something under his breath, ditching the transatlantic for Cajun drawls. It's still pretty hot, Vox isn't gonna lie. "What else can ya tell me?"
"Charlie said it's a woman's voice that she's hearing," Lucifer says. "She said she hears her sometimes when she's trying to sleep."
"But Voxxy thought it was Angel the first time he saw it and I thought it was my father," Valentino points out. "Clearly this thing can shift into whatever it wants to be, but it also knows things."
"Could it have overheard you talking about your dad," Roo asks.
"Not a chance. I haven't talked about that hijo de puta since he kicked me out ages ago. My own boyfriend barely knows anything about him."
"He was a dick," Vox puts in helpfully.
"I've certainly met a few of those in my time," Roo says dryly. Everyone's eyes shift to Lucifer and Valentino turns the phone so that Lillith and Roo can join in. Lucifer sinks down in his seat with a pout that could rival one of Velvette's. "Sounds like a Sinner to me."
"Are you telling me all these bitches can shapeshift?"
"No, it's a specialty power some Overlords can get. Like how Al can shadow travel or Carmilla can craft weapons out of raw materials. Do we still have a list of Overlords, Lou?"
"Yeah, I think so," Lucifer says. He takes his phone back, scrolling through his notes app until he finds what he's looking for. The list of Overlords is nestled between a reminder to buy ice cream and what looks like the beginnings of a contract. "Here it is, hang on." His brows furrow and he hums low.
"What is it," Lillith demands. "Do we need to portal down there?"
"I'm not sure…. The only Overlord with that power that has permission to come into Static is pretty low-level. Says she arrived in Hell a few years ago, made her start by pretending to be key players and robbing them blind. Even managed to fool Mammon's goons. Doesn't look like she has any reason to take on Heaven."
"What if that was a trick? Or maybe Charlie didn't fully understand her. Go get our baby." Lucifer stands and the others trail after him up the stairs. The two girls are on Velvette's bed, hosting a tea party with Barbie and Bratz as their guests.
"Char-char, I got someone who wants to talk to you."
"Hey, sweetheart," Lillith coos. Charlie gives an excited squeal as she's handed the phone, bouncing enough that Velvette barely manages to save one of her expensive tea cups from falling off the bed and shattering.
"Mommy! Are you havin' a sleepover, too?"
"That's right! Mommy and Roo are having so much fun and we can't wait until you're able to come visit." Roo waves at Charlie, her smile wide and glowing. "Right now, though, I've got a question. What did you tell Daddy about that voice that whispers to you?"
"She's not nice." Charlie's excitement dims and then vanishes altogether. Velvette reaches out to squeeze her hand, lacing their fingers together. It's adorable and Vox wishes he could snap a photo of them.
"What did she say, baby? I need to know it exactly as she said it." Charlie's eyes seem to glaze over even as they glow with small red flecks. Vox has seen this before on Valentino's bad days, when Vox's temper flared a little too brightly and sent him back to those awful years under his father's boot. Seeing a little girl disassociate makes him swallow down bile.
"Being soft is dangerous in a town like Static and soft people can be taken care of if you have the right magic. That's all I need to get who I want, a little more magic before I can have my world back and put down that soft bastard who took it all away from me." Her voice shifts slowly from a high-pitched chirp to the deep purr of a woman, accented. It sounds familiar, but it's not until Charlie starts talking again that it clicks. "I'll make them both pay, I'll cut them to ribbons and then I'll bury Angelic steel in their hearts when they respawn in Hell. There will be no Heaven for the Vees."
"María, madre de Dios," Valentino gasps. He recognizes the voice, too. The realization hits Vox like a train, nearly bowling him over. "No, eso no puede ser correcto. Esto es un truco. Voxxy, dime que esto no es culpa nuestra." Vox wraps his arms around Valentino to keep them both upright, digging his fingers into Valentino's back like he can keep him from falling apart.
"You two know who this is," Husk asks. "Don't keep us in suspense, for fuck's sake." But Valentino just keeps muttering nonsense in Spanish and Vox finds himself incapable of speaking. It's like someone's lodged a rock in his throat, or maybe that's his heart? Trying to leap out of his mouth and escape the inevitable heartbreak. It's Velvette that breaks the news, chipper.
"That's my mama! She's gonna come see me, she told me so last night."