I! LIVE!
[][][][]
Nothing.
Nothing was something. A noun.
Sutton's thoughts raced. She tried to recall anywhere she might have heard about it before. If it was a throwaway line in one of the movies, or something her brother had mentioned in one of his comic book rants, or if she'd scanned a reference to it on the Marvel wiki so, so long ago. But she couldn't find a point of reference. She didn't remember seeing any spoilers passed around online or comic book nerds boasting that they knew "nothing" about the future plot line while being coy.
But it did feel made up. Like something a reaching writer might come up with to service a plot.
"What is it," she asked Loki sharply. "How do we get to it? What does it do?"
Loki fidgeted slightly, a strange behavior given his upper hand.
"You want me to say something now?" he questioned. "When before, you instructed me to 'not say a word'?"
"We already went through this! I was telling you to shut up. And that was eons ago."
"It certainly was," he agreed.
"Nothing?" Gamora cut in, recognition and concern colored her tone. "Are you speaking of The Space that Devours?"
Sutton turned when it was clear Loki refused to budge. He was such a jerk. Gamora frowned and Sutton considered the extra name that Gamora provided.
"The Space that Devours," Sutton repeated stiltedly as she glared at Loki. "What a wonderfully descriptive distinction. If only someone could have thought to define the term that way."
Gamora cut her eyes away as she glowered in thought.
"I've never heard of it," Peter said in dismissal. "It sounds fake."
"You call your base Nowhere." Nat said.
"Yeah, because we Know Where we are when we're there."
"That's not why it's called that," Rocket sneered.
Sutton ignored the chatter, eyes set on Gamora, and leaned over the table top.
"You've heard of it before. You know about Nothing?"
"I know it is not something to be treated lightly. It is a danger to go near it; all that passes through its veil are no more."
"So, like," Sutton tried to work through the idea, "it can just…erase things from existence? Because whatever 'passes through its veil' also… becomes 'nothing'?"
"In a manner of speaking," agreed Gamora.
Sutton leaned back in her seat as her mind continued to race. A weird void. The lack of anything. Could she actually use that? She already knew trying to keep the Infinity Stones away from Thanos wasn't a long term or successful solution. It never would be in a comic book world.
Killing him might be possible, but it was clearly a lot harder than they ever anticipated. It already cost too much just to hold him at bay. But to erase him?
"Does your dad know about it?"
Gamora grimaced at Sutton's question.
"He knows of it, of course. It has never interested him, though. It cannot be collected or used for torment. You cannot take it with you. For him, it is good for very little."
Peter leaned forward and waved his hand dismissively.
"So what are you suggesting? We lure him to it? Set a trap to knock him into this void? Do you really think that would work?"
Nat tilted her head in consideration and she cut her eyes at Loki.
"Well," she said. "We do have a professional liar on the team."
[]
Knowhere was a horrifically gargantuan skull wrapped up in a colorful nebula. A grizzly death illuminated by glittering light. The sheer magnitude of it still verged at the edge of Sutton's ability to comprehend, despite the fact that she could see it with her own two eyes. She could have lived her entire life without seeing it and been just fine.
And it was more of a system than just a home base. Sutton had imagined a sort of secret bunker or lair in space, but it was more that the Guardians considered the Knowhere "city" the home of their base.
Sutton didn't like it. She didn't even like the colorful nebula surrounding the skull. She didn't like space. It was cold. The chill bit through the metal walls of the ship and burrowed its way into her bones. Even docking and unloading from the ship failed to take away the suffocation she felt from the encroaching darkness of space. She wanted home.
And she was terrified that home would be gone by the time she made it back.
The Guardians led them through alien streets with a comfortable familiarity. Sutton huddled near Nat, and even as a SHIELD agent, Nat eyed their surroundings and the aliens filling it with an uncertain wariness. It was her first time off earth, Sutton realized. It was eternally, infinitely strange that she couldn't claim the same thing.
Sutton bumped Nat's hand with her own and gave her a thin smile; she clasped their hands together and Nat gripped her back with tension in her fingers.
"We're going to make it work," Sutton said lowly. "You know I'll do whatever it takes."
"You just got back into fighting shape," Nat replied. "Don't press it quite yet. We need to strategize."
Sutton sighed.
"I know."
Knowhere was not particularly appealing on top of its significant downside of being in space. It looked like it'd been built with the machine scraps left over from whoever had mined the skull in the first place. The city, if one could call it that, was built in layers that overlapped in some places and jutted out in others. Neon signs lined the patchwork sidewalks and advertised various bars and other seedy establishments. It made her think of Mos Eisley but with metal instead of sand.
"You said you're guardians of the galaxy?" Sutton asked as they passed a few alien beings who either leered at them or had indigestion. Their faces weren't quite human, it was hard to tell.
"Yes, we are," Peter replied. "What are you trying to imply? Don't tell me you're judging books by their covers."
Sutton pointed at a shop front as they walked passed.
"I'm halfway certain that place is advertising to either hire or offer smuggling services. There's a pirate flag and clipart of a pile of gold on the flyer."
"I don't see what that has to do with us being the Guardians."
"Just seems like a weird place for a superhero team to set up shop."
Peter spun on his heel to face her and wagged a finger at her dramatically.
"Whoa, lady. No one said we were heroes. We just protect the universe so we can keep living in it. That superheroing stuff doesn't exactly pay the bills."
"We do get paid," Drax said. His tone was so flat and matter-of-fact that it was hard to ever tell if he was being sarcastic or not. But Sutton was leaning toward "not" every time he spoke. "We help people when they pay us," he elaborated.
"Guards get paid," Peter explained. "Heroes don't."
"Ah," Sutton said dryly. "It's all starting to make more sense now."
"Unlikely group of degenerates that bond over a mutual struggle and find some sort of redemption?" Nat questioned.
Sutton nodded tiredly.
"Most likely."
When they finally got to their actual base, Sutton collapsed in a chair. Her body didn't hurt like it did before and it was almost strange. She'd grown so used to the aches and the burning that having it suddenly gone was disconcerting.
She was thankful, but it still didn't feel right on some level. It didn't feel right that she should be out of harm's way and out of pain while everyone else-
Sutton made herself stop thinking about it.
Their base was grimy and rigid. Alien in nature and looks. Geometric shapes dominated the structures and the furniture; and some alien alphabet, or what Sutton could only assume were supposed to be words, made it difficult to understand what things were supposed to be. Assuming they had intergalactic OSHA, the glowing shapes above one of the doors could be an exit sign.
Tony would be able to use that drop of information to create a software that could translate everything. Her chest grew ever more tight at the thought.
How much more could she lose?
No. No more. Her friends were alive. Steve was alive. They would use this void to stop Thanos and then…. And then they could figure out how to live from there.
Natasha settled in the chair next to her, positioning herself so she was curled nearly in a ball, and tucked in her arms. Compact, small. The dark circles under her eyes were stark; she was moving slower than usual. Sutton tapped her foot against the arm of Nat's chair and nodded when Nat looked over.
"I'll keep watch; you should sleep."
Nat stared at her a moment, then her lips twitched in something near amusement.
"Wake me up if he causes trouble."
She tipped her chin at Loki; he stood next to Sutton's chair and surveyed the room with an ill masked distaste. It wasn't the worst living quarters that Sutton had seen; but compared to a royal castle it was sure to be unimpressive.
"Copy," Sutton said.
It was actually surprising that Nat didn't argue. She must have been in a worse state than Sutton could even observe to not insist on staying awake. Sutton sat up straighter in her chair, determined to actually uphold her promise to keep an eye out.
"What do you know about the void-thing," Sutton asked Loki. If she was going to stay awake and just sit around, the least she could do was try to still be productive in some way.
"Nothing more than you already learned." Loki picked at his palm and glanced at the Guardians. "What are you hoping to hear?"
"Something helpful for once, maybe." Sutton grimaced as she rubbed at her eyes. He hadn't healed any of the scratches on her face and the pressure stung. The remaining sting of these wounds felt appropriate somehow.
"Where is it? How big is it? What are the odds of us tricking him into jumping in? Is there any chance he can get back out if he does?"
Loki just stared at her; as if he was contemplating what to say. It was strange how he appeared so hesitant to speak on it; especially when he had been so adamant about getting rid of Thanos in the first place. The Mad Titan still only had one Infinity Stone and she didn't want to know what he could accomplish with more. If they did want to defeat him, there likely wouldn't be a better time.
Time, time, time.
It felt like a mantra in her head at this point, a constant nagging in her gut. Now that they were in space, after seeing Thanos, it felt almost tangible, like a whisper in her ears. A voice telling her to remember time. It was becoming haunting.
She hadn't used her time wisely and she didn't think quickly enough to make use of what she'd been given now.
Since her return from being dragged through the universes, she thought she'd been done paying the consequences for defying the Doctor, but she hadn't. Every choice she'd made since led to here.
Was it all chance or an inevitability?
She supposed it didn't matter in the end. It was, whether she understood it or not.
"If I leave you guys here you're not gonna try and steal anything, are you?" Peter spoke, breaking the waiting silence, both Sutton and Loki cast him dubious looks.
"I beg your pardon," said Loki.
"Look, we're all strangers here," Peter defended. "Excuse me for wanting to be cautious."
"Why would we answer that question honestly if we did want to steal?" Loki pressed. Sutton rolled her eyes.
"We don't want anything you have," she promised.
"It's good stuff," said Peter.
Loki continued to look unimpressed.
"Do you want us to take something?"
"Ignore Peter," Gamora cut in. "We have to try and communicate with our contact on Xandar. Last we knew, the Nova Core was safe-guarding the Power Stone. If Thanos has it, I fear what may have become of the planet."
Sutton could only feel a resigned sort of sadness at the news. She was already so overwhelmed with her own losses that hearing about the destruction of a planet she didn't know existed five seconds ago was too much to take on. She pressed her lips together in a thin line and nodded; she didn't have the energy to get up now that she'd sat down, and she certainly didn't want to hear them talking about Thanos for any duration of time.
For the rest of the time that Gamora, Peter, and Drax were gone Sutton zoned out while maintaining her 'watch'. On top of the expected exhaustion from everything she'd gone through, the sharp shift from battle to calm left her particularly harried. Her mind couldn't stop spinning even if her body had slowed, and it left her with a constant feeling of unavoidable doom.
When the Guardians came back from their meeting their dispositions didn't ease that feeling of doom. Peter looked agitated, unsure of what to do with his hands, and Gamora's already solemn demeanor had turned even more stoic and controlled.
"Half the planet is rubble," Gamora announced quietly. "Our contact survived, but only barely."
"No one even tried to help," Peter spat. "Not the Kree or the Asgardians or the Sovereign! I guess it's beneath them to help, as if they won't be next if they ignore genocide."
Rocket clicked his tongue in derision from the corner he'd planted himself in, little Groot sat on his shoulder.
"You say that like the Sovereign wouldn't be alright with a little genocide."
Nat stirred from her chair and when she opened her eyes, her expression was clear enough to make Sutton wonder how long she'd been listening. She couldn't have gotten more than three hours of sleep.
"He's an intergalactic terrorist," Sutton ground out. The news only inspired more fear for Earth. For the people they'd left behind there. "I don't understand why planets don't all band together to put a stop to him. He can't be that powerful. He has to have minions with him."
Nat sighed quietly.
"The only thing as terrifying as being the first person to stand up to a tyrant is being the second. People like to hedge their bets, even to the point of self destruction."
"Your people can't get your own planet under control," Loki said. "Do you imagine it's easier to enact treaties across galaxies?"
It was a valid enough argument that Sutton refused to respond to it, but that didn't make it any less frustrating.
Conversation died with everyone's mood; it was late and no one was feeling up for socializing. Given that, the Guardians shoved a few mats and blankets into a spare room for her, Nat, and Loki. It wasn't ideal, but neither she nor Nat complained, they merely huddled next to each other across the room and left Loki his own corner.
She and Nat laid with their backs to each other, ensuring that no one could sneak up on them, even if the odds of that happening at this moment weren't high. It was the closest thing to comfort either of them were going to get.
[]
Her dream was empty. It was different from 'dreamless'. Her mind didn't stop moving, but there was nothing to really see, just the impression that there should be something. But it had been wiped clear.
She, like she was finding in most situations recently, didn't like it.
The darkness, the emptiness, stretched out and out until it felt like it'd swallow her up next. She wanted to live, she was tired of surviving. She was tired of the emptiness.
A spark ignited in her chest, under her arc reactor, and in turn light flickered in the distance. They were small pinpricks, but they glowed so brightly with nothing else to compete against. Sutton reached out toward them and pulled them to herself; the light danced in her vision and heated her skin.
She squeezed the light between her fingers until blue spilled out. It was hers, but she had to share it.
[]
When Sutton woke up, her eyes and the side of her face were damp from tears. She propped herself up on her elbow and wiped the streaks away with the other hand and hoped that no one noticed.
Movement drew her gaze down; Groot climbed up onto her arm with a little grunt and smiled up at her as he stopped near her elbow.
She glanced over at the door to their room and found it cracked open; how he managed that, she didn't know.
"Hey, little guy," Sutton greeted quietly. "Why are you in here? What are you doing?"
Groot patted her arm with his tiny hand and it truly felt like he was a living tree; bark scratched against her skin with his movements.
He pointed to her face and made a sad little noise, which Sutton took as him commenting on the tears she'd just brushed away. She shook her head and tried to smile.
"Oh, I'm okay! Everything's fine; you don't have to worry."
But Groot didn't look especially convinced. His lower lip jutted out slightly in a pout before his face shifted to a look of resolve.
"I am Groot," he said.
"Um. Sorry, I don't know what that translates to."
He squeezed his eyes closed in concentration and tensed with his tiny hands in fists. Sutton was about to ask if he was alright when a small, white daisy popped out of the top of his head.
"Oh." Sutton bowed her head lower to inspect the flower. At this point it felt obvious that a small tree creature should be able to do something like this. Why not?
"That's very pretty," she complimented.
Groot smiled triumphantly, then he reached up and plucked the daisy from his head and offered it to her. Sutton's expression shifted from mild amusement to an uneasy surprise.
"Uh…. For me?"
"I am Groot!"
He extended the tiny flower again and Sutton felt she had to accept. The stem was so delicate that she didn't dare but gently pinch it between two fingers.
"Um, thank you?"
Did this count as him ripping off an appendage and handing it to her? Or was it, hopefully, more like a lock of hair? Which would still be weird but at least less grotesque.
Groot looked rather proud of himself so Sutton carefully sat up and tucked the flower in a lock of own hair near her ear then held out her hands in a 'voila' gesture.
"It's perfect," she said with a smile. Groot threw up his hands to mimic her and cheered.
Sutton gently sat Groot back down on the ground and he gave her a wave, then waved just behind her, before he toddled away. Nat was awake and staring when Sutton turned and looked; she had a peculiar look on her face when she looked at Sutton.
"Huh," she said simply. "I think that was cute?"
"He's just a baby," Sutton asserted. "I think. It was cute."
[][]
Later, after everyone woke up and got themselves pulled together, they came together in the base's main room. Despite their dismissive attitudes, the Guardians still joined them, involving themselves in the strategizing. It gave Sutton some hope that the team wouldn't just kick her and Nat (and Loki) out to fend for themselves now that they were away from Earth and Thanos wasn't their problem anymore.
"So what's our plan?"
Nat sat cross-legged in her seat yet still managed to maintain an air of seriousness. No one in the group spoke up right away and Sutton grit her teeth.
"Obviously we have to use the Void. The Nothing," she said. "It's the only thing that can be sure to stop Thanos forever, and Loki has been so coy about it for some reason." She paused as her face scrunched in concentration.
"Actually, he mentioned it in a vision, of sorts," she remembered. "One of those 'alternate world' glimpses. That has to mean something, right?"
"One can only hope," Loki chimed in.
"But how will you deceive the 'dead-beat dad'," Mantis asked; her intonation made it clear she'd heard the phrase from someone else and decided to use it. Sutton would put money on it being Peter.
"He's not going to go near the Void," Peter said. "It's obviously a trap."
Gamora frowned as she nodded in agreement and Drax just huffed unhelpfully. Sutton pondered.
How could they get him close? Close enough to push him in?
If she turned off her dampener she could send out enough energy to attract his attention and give away their location, but Peter was right. Why else would they be loitering at the edge of the Void? They'd have to come up with a different reason for him to assume.
"What if-" Sutton hedged, "what if we tried to make him think we were there for a different reason?"
Nat leaned forward, elbows on her knees, and tilted her head to the side.
"A dupe? What other reason could we make him think?"
Exactly Sutton's question. She was hoping someone else would have an idea.
"While you, yourself, are a target," Loki said carefully, "you are not the main objective. You'll always fall second to these."
He waved his hand and the Tesseract blinked back into existence in his palm. Sutton felt a tug in her chest. An itch in her hands to take it back.
It wasn't safe with him. She should have it.
"The Infinity Stones," Nat murmured.
The sight of the stone caused some murmuring from The Guardians as well, and they looked properly cautious, as if they'd had their own personal experience with these sorts of artifacts.
"He will do whatever it takes to possess all of them," Gamora confirmed. "It has been his life's goal to hold ultimate power."
"So we take it away," Sutton said.
The room went quiet; Nat licked her lips.
"How?"
"Well," Sutton amended, "I don't know for sure if they can be destroyed or not, and don't tell me if you do know," she directed at the aliens in the room. "But if he wants something so badly, in a story, then there should be obstacles in his way of getting it. Maybe we can try to make him believe I'm at least trying to destroy the Tesseract? And then he'd have to come running, right?"
Nat drummed her fingers over her knee as a thoughtful silence permeated the room; Rocket looked the least convinced of all this.
"Those rocks ain't no joke," he said dismissively. "I don't think someone your size could destroy 'm."
Sutton glared at the jab.
"My height doesn't matter-"
"Could you?" Gamora cut in. "If Thanos is so intrigued by you, then you must be of some value to him. Are you capable of actually destroying the stones?"
Sutton hesitated. Sure, she was from another universe, and sure, she could use that to be a bit "outside" the rules of another universe if she tried hard enough. But these were Infinity Stones and she lived here now. It would be a risky move to try and completely rid the world of them. Especially when they were supposed to have been around since pretty much the dawn of this universe.
And some part of her, some feeling in the corner of her being, didn't want to destroy the Tesseract. It'd be a waste, wouldn't it? And what if they needed it later? What if it threw off the balance of the world? There were too many variables.
It should get to live.
And anyway, if no one else from her world believed they could be destroyed she wouldn't be able to do much.
"I don't know," she settled on. "And there's a chance it could kill me trying, so I don't really want to attempt it. But, like I said, if we can figure out a way to fake destroying it, I can probably do that."
"There is no honor in pretending," Drax proclaimed. "We should actually destroy the rocks."
Peter stared at his large friend in disbelief.
"She literally just said why that isn't an option. And since when have we cared about being honorable? There's no code when it comes to surviving!"
"Unfortunately I gotta side with Quill on this one," Rocket sighed. "Ain't no use bein' honorable and dead."
"You have allotted some leeway in how the Tesseract operates with your use of it," Loki said, "given you did the equivalent of manhandling it to function how you wanted it to. Though I agree that actually destroying it may be a feat too far, even for you. But there may be a way to give the illusion of attempting to destroy it.".
He still held the Tesseract in his hand and the blue light bounced off his face giving his skin an unusual sheen. The light shifted and twisted like water, and he studied the cube a bit longer before he flicked his wrist again and it was gone as if it had never been there. Sutton felt another tug of woe in her chest as it left her reach.
"Of course we don't want him to think we've succeeded in a first attempt, or he'd have no reason to come running," Loki continued. "But if he believes that is your intention, and then he knows you're heading for Nothing-" His voice lilted in clear suggestion; Nat tipped her head back at the idea.
"He'd have no choice but to get to us as fast as he could," she agreed. "If this void is as eternal as Gamora says it is, then he probably doesn't know what it'll do to the Infinity Stones either. It's too large a risk to let it happen."
The group looked to Gamora, as if she were the source of truth on whether this was a viable plan and she blinked in surprise when she noticed their stares, shock flashed over her face.
"It's possible," she supposed. "But it could bring more trouble than before. If he believes one of the stones is in danger, he'll strike twice as hard when he finds us."
"Yeah, and we better kill him the first time, 'cause Gamora's dear ol' daddy isn't the forgiving type."
"Do not call him that, you foul little mushiiger," Gamora moved to smack Rocket, but he used his raccoon agility to skitter out of reach with a malicious little smirk on his face. He flashed his teeth at her in a mocking taunt and Gamora swiped at him again.
The rest of them ignored the commotion as Rocket fled into the other room, soon followed by Gamora and some subsequent screaming.
"It may be our only option," Sutton joined in.
It made sense. It felt like it could work. But there was something also unsettling about it. Which Sutton knew was a silly thing to think. Any plan would feel dangerous. Any plan would bring her a sense of dread due to the fact that they had to deal with Thanos again. Only she couldn't shake the way this plan made her stomach turn and eyes water. Like the idea of its permanence was something to fear in itself.
It was just the fact that it was Thanos. It was just the hype about the void being so consuming and permanent and threatening. Perhaps it was the risk of being consumed by the void themselves.
But, ultimately, it was their only hope to thwart him.
Steve was the strategist. He'd be able to evaluate the plan and decide if it had merit or how to minimize the risks. But he wasn't here. She prayed he was okay. The idea of any other outcome than him being alive and well had her already mangled heart crumbling to pieces. It made her feel dizzy and weak.
He was fine. He was alive. She was going to see him again.
At this moment, for this situation, she coveted his reassurances. The only person that she could even trust on this side of the galaxy was Nat. She was smart too; she had to be to work for SHIELD and be a spy, even if that was a bit of a different skill set from battle strategy. Sutton had full confidence that if the plan was stupid Nat would recognize it. And having Nat as a companion was a significant step up from traveling worlds alone. But that didn't stop her longing for him, especially when she'd had the promise of more dangled in front of her if they made it out of this.
"It may be our only option," Loki said, his voice almost prodding. "Unless you can think of something else in a timely manner."
He directed the comment at Sutton and her face fell flat.
They didn't have time for a more elaborate plan, and everyone knew it. Besides, like Rhodey had said before, sometimes simple was better. Smarter.
"Do you have an idea of how to fake trying to destroy the Tesseract?"
Sutton asked the question while her gaze flickered back towards his hands; she still didn't like that he had it.
"I have an idea," he replied. "But it would require us working together."
The "working together" would require Loki using his magic alongside her abilities. He could use his magic to send out a blast of energy that would simulate a "failed" attempt to destroy the Tesseract, but he would need Sutton to believe he was powerful enough to send the energy rippling through space, stretching out to where Thanos could sense it.
"It will have the added effect of attaching your magical signature to the blast and selling our lie," he explained.
The explanation gave Sutton pause. She studied Loki critically from under her brow and
leaned back away from him.
"It feels like," she said carefully, "that would have me believing you to be incredibly powerful."
Loki didn't even blink.
"If that's how you chose to believe it."
Nat looked uneasy at the idea herself and she readjusted herself while sending a pointed look Sutton's way.
"Why do we need a middle man at all," she questioned. "Sutton could just imagine the energy blast herself. And the Tesseract is like a door, right? She can just send the blast through the cube where she wants it to go."
There was an edge to her elaboration which Sutton took to mean she found Loki's suggestion a bit suspect herself. Sutton sent another glower his way, which didn't seem to offend him.
"The Tesseract has a very identifiable signature, to those skilled enough to detect it; which I assure you he is. Our ruse would be up the moment the blast reached him. And besides that, it's too direct. An explosion, as you know, has an epicenter that dissipates as it spreads outward. Even you would be able to tell if an explosion happened next to you or several miles away."
"It's very convenient for you," Nat deadpanned.
"I don't know if I believe all this imagination power stuff," Peter butt in. Sutton had nearly forgotten he was there. "It seems like a con to me."
"I believe her," Mantis proclaimed. "I can make people sleep and feel their emotions, Rocket can fix anything we break, and Drax is very foolish for his size; why should she not have a talent as well?"
"Being stupid isn't a talent, Mantis," Gamora said as she entered the room again. Rocket followed after her, his fur in disarray and he rubbed the back of his head with a wince and a glower.
"But if someone's stupid enough it can be impressive," he grumbled.
At least, for once, the statement wasn't aimed at her.
"I'll think about it." Sutton shot a glare Loki's way; he pretended that her doubt in his intentions wasn't annoying to him. "But I won't jump on your idea only to create a newer, bigger problem immediately after solving the first one."
A Loki with Thanos powers. That was the last thing they all needed. And he still had the Tesseract.
Maybe Sutton was learning, because she found herself agreeing with Nat's comments from the previous day.
They needed to strategize. They needed to be sure.
After all. Regardless of the plan they used, they were only getting one chance at this.
[][][]
Oh, we are so back. (Promises, promises.)