That night after Lily and Oakley were in bed and while Emily was putting Amelia down, JJ prepared a romantic relaxing night for her wife. She does so much for this family; there's nothing I can possibly do to thank her. So, I'll show her how much she means to me by this letter, and relaxing night.
JJ ran a bath, put tea light candles and rose petals around the edge of the tub, a full bouquet of roses in a vase with the letter she wrote propped up against it, and put on Emily's favorite blue negligee of hers.
"Mommy, can we read one more chapter?" Amelia asked, batting her eyes at Emily.
"We've already read two chapters baby. How about I sing to you instead?"
"Okay. Can we snuggle too?"
JJ was watching from the doorway as Emily snuggled up next to Amelia and sang to her. Within seconds Amelia's eyes were closed and she was sound asleep but Emily finished the song anyways.
It took Emily a long time to be able to sing the Italian lullaby after Fiona died, but after a while, she sang it to Lily without crying thinking about all the memories she made with her. By the time Oakley and Amelia came into their lives, it was the only way the girls would fall asleep too.
Emily slipped out of Amelia's bed and saw JJ smiling at her, "I love listening to you sing our daughters to sleep," she said, capturing Emily's lips, "I have a surprise for you."
"Mmm, is it what's under this robe you put on?"
"Part of it might be, care to see?" Emily nodded and JJ dropped her robe once they were in their bedroom but stopped Emily from touching her.
"No, this night is about you, Em. Come on," she led Emily towards their bathroom and heard her wife gasp at the sight. "Let's get you undressed so you can relax."
Once Emily was in the bath she looked up at JJ and furrowed her brow, "Aren't you coming in with me?"
"I'm going to get us some wine," she leaned over and picked up the letter and a towel, "Dry you hands and read this. I'll be back soon." JJ kissed her once more then went to get some wine for the two of them.
Emily,
My sweet, beautiful, perfect Emily. There are not enough words to thank you for all you do for our family. You are the light of my life, my best friend, my wife, my everything. I don't deserve you however, I'm thankful each and every day I have you. I know we've talked about this many times actually—however, I need to say it: Emily, I am so sorry.
A while back you told me you weren't being a good enough wife, that's not true. I haven't been a good enough wife. I take everything you do for our family for granted; I leave for work and know you'll be there to take care of the girls, to protect them, love them, to take them to school, dance, soccer, make them three meals a day, care for them when they are sick (which isn't easy especially when they all get sick together). The problem is, I don't give it a second thought.
I just know it's all taken care of because you're so good at it but I should never ever take you for granted. You provide us with a life you only read about it books, a life better than the fairytales we heard as a child, a life I don't deserve, but have anyways. You know absolutely everything there is to know about our girls, so much so you can hear their voices and know what they need before they open their mouths—something I could never ever do.
You told me you're a mother first and I know that's true. I also know you're the most attentive, loving, passionate, beautiful wife there is. I know you'll always be a mother first and I'm completely okay with coming in second to our girls, but let me tell you something babe, second is damn close to first because you keep me on a pedestal.
You're always there to comfort me, to love me fiercely, to protect me, even though I'm a big girl with a gun ;), you do it without hesitation. And it's time I do the same for you. So you're wrong Emily Prentiss, you're always enough! It's me who hasn't be the wife I should be.
The second I let my own fears take over, I did the worst possible thing and let it interfere with our relationship. I'll never forgive myself for what I said to you, but I promise to show you rather than tell you every day until forever ends. Sometimes it's hard to find words to tell you how much you mean to me. If I did anything right in my life it was when I gave my heart to you. You are my best friend, my wife, my forever and even forever will never be enough.
I love you,
Jennifer
JJ had walked back into the bathroom to see the tears streaming down her wife's cheeks as she finished reading the letter. Emily looked up hearing JJ walk into the bathroom and the only thing she could say was, "I love you."
JJ put the wine glasses down and walked over to Emily leaning down to kiss her. "I love you too babe, so much! I didn't know how to get all the words out so I wr—"
She was interrupted by Emily's lips on hers again, "It's perfect."
"Are you okay?" JJ asked, seeing more tears slip down Emily's cheeks.
She nodded and said, "I'm ready Jen."
JJ was taken back by the statement and furrowed her brows, "Ready for what babe?"
"To give my heart back to you."
A week later the Jareau family was visiting Allen and Sandy's new house; neither was completely sure what they were going to do yet, but they did decide to spend the rest of the summer in Fairfax. It wasn't an easy decision to make knowing they had three boys living in PA—well, it was looking more and more like two of their boys living in PA because Julian seemed to believe he was going to move into the new house too. Whether true or not, Julian was planning to move to Fairfax even if he couldn't live with his parents.
That left Sandy and Allen in a difficult situation; Johnathan and Jacob would be in PA with their families, Julian and JJ would be in Fairfax. Grandchildren in each state—the choice wasn't one they took lightly. With the house already paid in full, property tax paid as well, would they keep their house in PA? The grandparents were conflicted; they decided after the summer they would make their choice and enjoy the time with their family.
Johnathan, Ashley, Jacob and Kristen couldn't get the time off to go to Disney World with the Prentiss' but they did plan a few long weekends to visit the new house in Fairfax. Sandy and Allen wished everyone could go on vacation however, having two out of their four children vacationing together was good enough.
Disney World was absolutely amazing; the girls loved every minute of it. Having both sets of grandparents and Julian made things so much easier for JJ and Emily too. Not only did they get to provide their girls with the best Disney experience, they also got to spend some much needed alone time together in the 'most magical place on earth'. The two enjoyed couple massages, late nights in the hot tub and after hours in the parks going on the rides their girls were too small for.
One of the best parts of summer for Emily and JJ was when Hotch called one night and instead of it being a case, it was to tell them Palmer was in custody. Amelia was safe now and Emily no longer had to look over her shoulder to protect her oldest daughter. The details were called off and the stress faded from Emily's eyes.
Part of it at least.
The rest of the summer flew by and a week before the start of school, JJ saw a shift in Emily. She didn't understand what happened after a magical summer and thoughts raced through her mind—what is going on with her, I can see the wheels spinning, what are those feelings? Hurt, sadness, fear, panic—what is going on with my wife? I ask her, 'she's fine', I push a little harder, 'nothing's wrong'. Tonight is the night, I don't care how many times she says she's fine, I know she isn't and I'm going to find out.
Once the girls were in bed, Emily went into her office to finish a bit of work and was startled by JJ's hands on her shoulders massaging them lightly. "Babe, can we talk?"
Emily spun around in her chair and sat JJ down on her lap, "What's up?" she leaned into capture JJ's lips.
"No Em, this is serious," she said, her hand on Emily's chest pushing herself back to look into her wife's eyes.
"Okay?" Emily questioned.
"What's going on with you? We've had an amazing summer, but this past week you haven't been yourself. Don't tell me you're fine because I know that's not true. Don't shut me out, babe. Please," JJ begged.
"I'm sad, Jen. Devastated. Heartbroken. Afraid," Emily said, tears in her eyes.
"Why babe? What's going on, did I do something?"
"No, you didn't do anything. Lily is starting preschool in three days and I'm not ready. I don't want her to go, Jen. She's my baby—"
"Oh Em," JJ said, her hands cupping Emily's face wiping the tears with her thumbs. "It's going to be okay baby, it will be good for her to go."
"I know it will, but she's…I know we've sent two girls to school and for Oakley it was even her first time in school, but this is different. I've been there for every minute of Lily's life, she's—"
"I know, babe, I know." Emily sunk more into JJ's embrace, "Lily is your baby and I get that. Why didn't you just tell me?"
"I don't know, I was embarrassed. Lily is so excited to do everything her big sisters do and I'm terrified. I can't protect her once she goes to preschool, I'm not going to have my little baby with me all day. She's my little sidekick, my baby bug."
"Babe," JJ felt her heart breaking seeing Emily so upset. She stood up and pulled Emily up with her then led her onto the couch so she could hold her, "Shh, shh, shh, it's going to be okay."
"I'm scared, Jen."
"Em, she's going to be fine. Why are you so afraid?"
Emily shuttered in JJ's arms then whispered, "Doyle."
Suddenly everything made sense to JJ; Emily wasn't just upset with Lily going to school, she was afraid of Lily being alone all day and not being able to protect her from the danger known as sperm donor Doyle. There wasn't anything JJ could say in that moment to make her wife feel better; they both knew it. The only thing she could do was let Emily cry it out and be there for her.
"Can we go to bed, please. I can't talk about this right now," Emily asked, softly.
"Anything you want, babe."
Emily cried in JJ's arms until she fell asleep leaving JJ lost in her own thoughts. I wish there was something I could do to help her, she always protects us and there's nothing I can do to protect her: my own wife. Now I'm scared thinking about Lily being out in the world without either of us. I wonder if Em has already set up a security detail for her; of course she has, why am I even questioning it. I need someone to keep tabs on Doyle, but who? Only Emily could find out that information. This sucks!
JJ was pulled out of her thoughts when she heard Emily whimpering, "Let me go, I need to protect her!"
"Em baby, wake up," JJ said, lightly shaking her wife, running her fingers though Emily's hair.
"Don't touch her, I'll kill you! Let my baby go! Take me, take me, no don't! I'll fucking kill you!" Emily screamed.
"Emily! Wake up, open those beautiful eyes for me, you're safe Emily. Wake up baby," JJ put her hand in the middle of Emily's chest shaking her a little harder.
She shot up gasping and screaming, "Lily!"
JJ sat up as well rubbing Emily's back, "Lily is safe baby, you're safe."
"It's been so long since I had a nightmare about…"
"I know, babe." JJ didn't want her to have to say his name, "Do you want to talk about it?" JJ pushed, hoping Emily would open up.
"He knows Jen. He knows about Lily," Emily paled at the thought and her eyes went wide.
"Babe, how would he know? He went to prison and you moved stateside. He didn't even know you were pregnant."
"I can just feel it, Jen. He doesn't need to be a free man to keep tabs on me."
JJ gulped and felt very thankful Emily was still facing away from her, what am I supposed to do? Is this because Lily's going to preschool or is this something else? Has Emily received some information about Doyle I don't know about? Should I ask her? Is he watching all of us? Are we going to be safe? What do I do?
"Em," she didn't move, "Emily!" she flinched, then turned around to face JJ. "Do you know something you're not telling me? Have your contacts reached out to you?"
Emily shook her head, "No," she whispered. "I just, I can feel it. This dream, it was, it was too real not to mean something."
"Babe," JJ started to say, but Emily stopped her.
"Make me feel, Jen."
"What?" JJ asked, not understanding what Emily was asking of her.
"All I feel right now is numb, make me feel something, anything, please Jen," Emily begged.
"Okay, Em. Okay," and just like that, JJ was capturing Emily's lips with her own. She reached under Emily's nightshirt running her fingers over her taut stomach and up to cup her breasts. One of Emily's hands tangled into JJ's hair and the other clutched the sheets. JJ's mouth was passionate and dominating, but her touch on Emily's body was achingly light.
An hour and multiple orgasms later Emily burst into tears from the thoughts plaguing her mind and JJ comforted her the entire time. The tears finally subsided and Emily looked up at JJ, "Thank you."
JJ's heart was breaking, Emily carried the weight of the world on her shoulders and she was going to do everything possible to help relief some of the stress. "I love you, Em."
Emily was already starting to fall asleep on JJ's chest, "love…you," she breathed out before drifting off into a peaceful sleep.
The night before the girls first day of school, Emily and JJ put each girl to bed together. Yes, they always read a story with them, but it wasn't always together, and Emily sang to each of them before they truly fell asleep while JJ would leave the room to get the next girl ready for bed.
It was a system that worked for them and when it was Amelia's turn to be sang to, JJ would leave and either clean up the playroom, do a bit of work, or get ready for bed herself. But this night was different, JJ stayed through each lullaby in awe of her wife's ability to sing a few versus before the girls drifted off into dreamland.
Oakley was very excited to be starting kindergarten, Amelia was ecstatic to see her friends and start the 4th grade and Lily didn't fully understand anything except the fact she would meet some new friends and play all day. Emily struggled putting Lily down spending a little extra time with her while JJ got Oakley bathed.
Emily snuggled in Lily's bed with her running her fingers through Lily's long hair. It seems like yesterday I was holding you in my arms at the hospital, feeding you bottles while rocking you to sleep, (I'm sorry that breastfeeding thing never worked out for us bug) she laughed a little at that thought, thinking back to the multiple times she tried, but it never worked.
My little bug, I remember introducing you to momma feeling completely terrified she wouldn't want to be in my life anymore, boy was I wrong huh? I remember hearing you say mama the first time, watching you take your first steps, giving you your first pigtails, oh they were so cute. Now look at these luscious long locks, where has the time gone? How are you already three? I'm not ready to send you out into the world. My little Lily bug, mommy loves you so much.
Oakley went down quickly after telling her mother's how she was a big girl now but still wanted to read Baby Star and hear mommy sing. Amelia, however, took a little longer becasue as thrilled as she was to start school again, she was still nervous. Amelia spent many days with her friends during the summer, but Ayla and Parker came over to the Prentiss residence more times than she went to their houses because she was still nervous to be away from Emily for too long.
After three chapters and Emily singing while snuggled between her and JJ, Amelia fell asleep soundly. "I wish I could keep them young forever," Emily said, slightly frowning at JJ.
"Me too, babe. Luckily, we'll have a little extra time than most parents though. I mean look at her, ten years old and snuggled in our arms the way Lily does at age three."
"It never gets old," Emily said, leaning down to place one last kiss to Amelia's forehead before slipping out of her bed.
"One mommy sized scoop babe," Emily said, watching Oakley skimp out on the fruit she added to her crepe.
"Mommy!" Oakley exclaimed.
Emily raised an eyebrow while cutting up Lily's crepe for her laughing as Oakley huffed, reluctantly adding more fruit.
"Look at you beautiful girl," she said as Amelia walked into the kitchen. "I love that dress."
"Thanks mommy," Amelia said, blushing. "Can I have chocolate milk and whipped cream?"
"Of course you can babe. Is momma still getting dressed?"
"Yeah, she said she needs more coffee."
"Shocker," Emily said, rolling her eyes. "Eat your breakfast then I'll do your hair. Lily bug, come here baby." Lily came running over to her mother and Emily picked her up and sat her on the counter. "One braid or two?"
"Two mommy!" After Lily's French braids were done, Emily moved onto Oakley picking her up and sitting her on the counter too.
"Okay little miss, what are we doing with your hair today? French braids as well?"
"No mommy! I want double braid buns," Oakley said, turning around to face Emily, "Please mommy?"
"Okay," Emily agreed, rolling her eyes as she spun Oakley's head back around to face forward. She wasn't a fan of Oakley having her hair down while she was at school, even if it was only half down she knew there was a good chance she'd come home with paint in it.
As Amelia finished her breakfast she sat on one of the bar stools and waited patiently for her turn. JJ finally walked into the kitchen and refilled her coffee cup, "Oh look at those cute hair styles! What are you going to do sweetie?" JJ asked Amelia, who was watching Emily finish Oakley's hair.
"Umm, I wanna do that braid mommy did when we went to the castle in Disney World, the loose braid thing that wrapped around then she curled the bottoms, remember momma?"
"I do and I think that sounds perfect. What can I do, Em?"
Emily looked up setting Oakley back down on the floor, "Can you get the girls shoes on and make sure their backpacks are ready?" JJ nodded and Emily walked over to Amelia to start the braid. "Oh Jen, can you turn on the curling wand too?"
JJ got the littles in their shoes and Emily finished Amelia's hair. After all five of them were ready, they headed out the door. Looking in the rearview mirror, Emily watched Lily's detail follow them to Brookwood to drop off the older two parking at a safe distance as JJ and Emily got the girls out of the car.
As they walked in Lily was on Emily's hip, Amelia was holding her hand and Oakley was on JJ's hip. Emily immediately recognized some of the parents in Oakley's preschool which made her smile knowing her daughter wouldn't be alone. Amelia squealed when she saw Ayla and Parker, running up to them with open arms and Oakley squirmed out of JJ's arms to run up towards Oliva. It was cute seeing Oakley so excited to see her friend. While the girls ran up to their friends, Emily and JJ caught up.
"Okay babies, are you two ready?" Emily asked.
"Yes!" Amelia said with more confidence than she had last night. She leapt into JJ's arms to hug her, doing the same to Emily once Lily was safely in JJ's arms. "I love you, sweet girl."
"I love you too mommy."
And just like that, Amelia was hand in hand with Ayla and Parker walking into the building. Luckily, JJ, Emily and Lily were able to walk Oakley into her classroom giving one more big hug before she was off as well.
"That was a lot easier than last year," JJ said, smiling at Emily who looked like she was on the verge of tears.
"It definitely was," she said, faking a smile.
The next drop off was going to much harder for Emily and JJ knew it. Pulling up to the preschool Lily was ready to leap out of her car seat. "Mommy wet's go!"
"Okay bug, let's go," Emily said, scooping Lily out of the car. She looked over at JJ frowning, "I'm so not ready for this."
The three walked in, Lily still in Emily's arms bouncing and smiling the whole way into the school; Emily was almost relieved when she saw Ally Jacobs standing outside the classroom door. "Hey Emily, Jennifer! How are you?"
"We're good, Ally. It's so great to see you," JJ said, smiling at Oakley's old preschool teacher.
"Hi Lily," Ally said, "Are you excited to start preschool?"
"Yeah! Pway with fwiends wike Ookwee and Wiaa!"
Ally and JJ smiled while Emily tried to hold back her tears. Lily seemed so excited until she was put down and all hell broke loose. "No mommy stay with me, mommy no weave!"
Emily immediately picked her back up, she didn't want to let go as much as daughter didn't want her to go. JJ knew it was going to be difficult for both of them and let them have their moment together. "How about you and mommy read a story together?" JJ asked, rubbing Lily's back to help soothe her.
Lily nodded in Emily's chest that she buried herself into further. After two stories, Emily snuck out as Ally called everyone to sit in a circle for a sing-a-long. Emily didn't want to leave, she was hoping she could stay and watch all day just in case Lily needed her, but JJ pulled her away. "Come on babe, she'll be okay."
With much force from her wife, Emily went back to the car. When she saw Lily's security detail she felt better breathing a small sigh of relief. My baby is in preschool, Emily thought to herself as JJ pulled out of the parking lot and drove home. My baby is in preschool. How is this possible? When did she get so big? My baby won't be home with me all day. My little bug is a 'big girl' now.
After two months of drop-offs, (yes, it took her that long) Emily was finally getting used to not having the girls around all day, especially Lily. Life was back to normal, or as normal as things got in the Prentiss house until their life took another unexpected turn.
Emily was putting Amelia to bed and was hit with a question very out of the blue, "Mommy?" she asked, as Emily was about to walk out of her bedroom thinking she was asleep.
"Yes sweet girl?" Emily asked, turning back to look at her daughter.
"Are you and momma going to have another baby?"
Emily's eyes went wide, did Amelia hear Jen and I talking? No, that's not possible…is it? "Would you want us to have another baby?" Emily questioned, walking back to sit on Amelia's bed with her.
"I want a brother," she said confidently.
"Oh yeah? You know if momma and I have another baby we couldn't choose if was a boy or a girl."
"I know that mommy! But you could try," she said, smiling.
"What has you wanting a brother?"
"Parker's getting a baby brother."
"Oh yeah?" I didn't know Allison was pregnant, Emily thought to herself, "So you want to have a brother too?"
"Yeah! Parker just found out, wouldn't it be so cool if you had a baby at the same time? They could be best friends like me and Parker!"
"If momma and I had another baby, momma would be pregnant, not me."
"What? Why?" Amelia looked up at her, confusion written all over her face. It's as if she didn't think that were possible.
"I've already had a baby sweetie and momma wants to be the one to get pregnant."
"Can she do that?" Amelia asked so innocently Emily had to hold back her laugh.
"Of course she can, is that okay?"
"Mhm, can you make her pregnant?"
Emily laughed at her daughters' antics, "Tell you what, I'll talk to momma to see if she wants me to 'make her pregnant' and you close your pretty little eyes, okay?"
"Okay mommy, love you."
"I love you too, baby."
Emily walked into her bedroom and shut the door with a smile on her face. "You'll never guess what Amelia just said."
"She wants to, she wants a," JJ could see Emily shaking her head as she started each sentence, "She's going to…okay I don't know."
"She asked if we're having another baby. Actually, a baby boy and more specifically and asked if I could 'make you pregnant'," Emily said, laughing.
"What? Make me pregnant?" JJ exclaimed, laughing at the innocence of their daughter.
"Did you talk to her about having another baby?" Emily asked and JJ shook her head, "Do you think she could have heard us talking?"
"I don't think so, what did you tell her?"
"I said I'd talk to you and see if it were okay for me to 'make you pregnant' but I also told her even if we did have a baby we couldn't choose if it were a boy or girl."
"Well," JJ patted the empty place on the bed for Emily to come sit, "what do you think?"
"I think I don't have the right parts to make that happen," Emily said, causing JJ to smack her arm. "What? It's true!"
"I'm being serious!"
"Okay, I think, neither of us is getting any younger," Emily said, earning another smack.
"Emily Elizabeth Prentiss, you had a baby three years ago and you're five years older than me! Considering you had Lily at 30 and I'm 28, I think we're in the clear."
"Oh god, I'm 33!" Emily's eyes went wide. "Wow! Where has the time gone?"
"Emily! This isn't about your age, I'm being serious. What do you think?"
"I told you, Jen. I'm all in."
"Really?" JJ asked.
"Let's make a baby," Emily said, smiling.
JJ smiled and threw herself into her wife's arms, "Let's make a baby!"
Emily wrapped her arms tighter around JJ, "I cannot wait to see how beautiful you'll be pregnant."
"You're such a charmer, Prentiss."
Emily laughed, "It's true, you're going to glow."
"All pregnant women glow, babe."
"Not the way you're going to," Emily winked.
"If you want to get into my pants all you had to do was ask," JJ said, slipping her panties off and taking Emily's fingers, swiping them through her already wet folds.
"You're so wet," Emily moaned, taking her other hand to pull JJ in closer to kiss her.
"I'm always wet for you, babe."