I've lived a full life, the one I've dreamt of having for so many years, the hope that kept me moving forward no matter how dark things got. Back then I would never have imagined Tali would be the light at the end of the tunnel, but I wouldn't have it any other way. It was everything I've ever hoped for and was better than all the centuries I spent imaging it. We spent decades in love with each other, made four wonderful children who turned into upstanding adults I am so proud of. The emptiness in my soul has finally been filled and I feel satiated.
Tali, my dear dear Tali gave me the greatest gift I could ever ask for, even better than the knowledge of vibrations. Life with her was outstanding, despite the bad times we've always known was coming but shoved down in the back of our minds. When the sand ran out of Rann's timer, it broke Tali. Her mother figure, with many other older migrants, had a difficult time adjusting to Rannoch. Quarian could live to 150 years, but Rann slipped away in her sleep at 62. Unfortunately, Tali went in to collect her aunt's laundry and found her resting peacefully, never to wake up. My wife's wailing could be heard from my forge. Our kids were close to their great aunt and her passing hit all of us hard. Then Keenah grew too old to move, and it was time to put her to sleep. It really hurts seeing your family go, even if I can see them again in the astral plane, it's different. I can visit them, but they still feel gone.
Rael was never the same after Rann died. He withdrew. It must be how he copes with the pain. After Rann's funeral service, he decided to travel Rannoch, seeing all the sights before his time come. After he left, it was just Tali and I in our home. I should be using the word house, now that it feels like an empty building. The house is showing it's signs of wear. The paint is peeling off the door frame we measured our children's height. The ink in the pictures dulls. An oversized kitchen for only two. The feeling of home withered away slowly after all of our children moved out and started their lives. I'm happy the were able to have what I didn't. They still kept in touch and we had dinner with them multiple times a week at our favorite restaurants or takeout at home. However, it wasn't the same. Tali's dad would come back or we would meet him where he was at three or four times a year, until we got a call from the forest service Rael was found dead at a campground. No foul play was suspected, but an autopsy was conducted. They found he carried a gene that slowly causes the valve around his heart to calcify. He never mentioned anything to us. I don't think he knew. A lifetime of nutrient paste likely added decades to his life. The bad news kept coming when we found out Tali had that gene as well but thank Source none of our children inherited it or anything from my default quarian form. Whatever it was didn't affect females as aggressively as males, but the countdown was starting. A lot of medical information from the morning wars was lost and Dr. Chakwas couldn't find a solution except dietary changes. It hurt my time with Tali was going to be cut short. I want to be together for as long as possible, I thought I would have her till 150 years, but that is not possible. I did what I could to help Tali, but eventually the crude will build up faster than we can eliminate it. After Rael's funeral, Tali temporarily retreated from me. It hurt me, but I understood it. Maybe it was jealousy as I could talk to Rael, which I did and let him know what happened and how Tali handled it. Rael was devastated and a little surprised how much Tali grieved him. He thought Tali never forgave him for how he practically abandoned her after her mom died. I promised him I would take care of Tali and provided Rael instructions for how to find his former bondmate's soul. He had me carry a message to his daughter. How much he loved her and if he knew, he would never have left, and most all, how proud he was of his little girl and he can't wait to tell her mother all the amazing things she's done and the life they had.
After Tali finished grieving, we focused on making the most of the time we had together. Whatever Tali wished, we did. Tali wanted to travel every continent and explore every biome. We went to so many concerts, comedy shows, easy hiking trails, campgrounds, museums, and visited our children and grandchildren. Tali wanted to see everyone from our Normandy days and we spent time offworld with all of our friends. Reminiscing on the good old days, talking about how great the lives we had, Liara, Wrex, and Grunt barely aged while Shepard looked like an innocent grandpa. Garrus's old age made his voice and his exoskeleton bleached. He looked like a turian ghost.
When the day came Tali couldn't walk for more than 15 minutes, and her legs swelling, looking like a plus sized mannequins, it was time to return to our house. We called our kids and let them know her time was coming. I made Tali as comfortable as she could be and gave her everything, she wanted no questions asked. She was so close to making it to 109. I wished we could have thousands more years together. Each day Tali grew weaker and weaker, I could see the light fading as her soul was loosening the grip of her flesh.
Our kids moved in with us when I let them know their mother wasn't going to last much longer. They spend a few more days making memories before they won't ever see their mom for the rest of their lives. Tali called all of us to her room. Her weak voice broke my heart. Tali's body was so weak, she could barely move her head side to side and lost all sensation in her left arm. My wife called me over. I kneel down, taking her right hand between my two, kissing the digits that connected me to her for so many years. Tears streamed down my eyes as I smiled and twist her silver with age hairs. Tali's tired face smiled one last time.
Tali said "you've always taken good care of me."
"Because I love you."
Tali says "we've had a great life together. The ancestors must have blessed me. My final moments are at home with our children. I'm sorry I have to go. I don't want to leave you my cherished husband. I love you." Tali with the last of her strength pulls the bedsheet to wipe my tears, only for me to start balling.
Jason places a hand on my shoulder, and tells his mother "You were the greatest mom I could ever asked for. You gave us so much love and comforted us no matter what."
Tali tells our oldest son "that is what moms do."
Aeilta crawls on the bed, resting her head on Tali's chest, wrapping her arms around her frail torso. "I don't want you to go. I still need you. Your grandkids still need you."
Tali kissed our firstborn's head "my cherished daughter, you don't need us. We raised you to be a strong capable woman. I'm so proud how you turned out. All of you. This isn't goodbye forever. We will be together again one day, and I'll watch over you as you live happy lives without me."
Slyvie crawls between her sister and mother "I wished I saw you more. I'm sorry I hadn't been around as much as I should."
Tali replies "your photography career made you happy. Maybe you didn't get to see me as much as you like, but I watched as you achieved so many wonderful awards and filled out home with breathtaking sights. I felt I was with you, and I want you to feel that way even when I am gone."
Leo excuses himself past Jason and I, hugging his mother "thank you for being my mother. I wouldn't want anyone else and glad I chose you. I'm going to miss you so much."
Tali pulls our youngest son's head next to her pillow "you were such a crazy kid but you made me laugh every day and made me proud to be your mother and I will be for all your lifetimes. We'll be with each other again, in different forms maybe but together. I love you. Please don't cry too hard. I don't want to be rude, but can all you move so I can speak with your father one more time?"
Our children pry themselves off, wiping their tears with their clothes and blowing their noses with bathroom towels. I bring my sorry face to my sickly but still beautiful wife's. Her tears only refracted the divine light she's always carried inside her. Tali starts to sob "I don't want to go."
"Ne-neither do I. It won't hurt. It will feel like a big release."
Tali says "I don't want to go because I know how much it will hurt you. Know I love you more than I can say. Promise me you'll be there on the other side. I need something to look forward to."
"I will. I will. I promise on my very soul I will. Tali I would give up my powers if it meant you'd stay with us."
Tali says "I have no doubt you would, and I love you for that. This isn't the end. We'll be together again my amazing husband with our cherished family." Tali rests her head against the pillow, relaxing her eyes, lowering her eyelids, taking one last breath.
No. no. nonono. No. NO. NO NO! I love you. Why did this have to happen? This Isn't fair! Source! Please bring her back to me… PLEASE I'll do anything. Tali? Did you really leave the mortal coil? My heart shatters into a bazillion pieces. Our soul cord, that grew thicker every time we've shown love to each other, explodes from the sudden change in vibrational densities, causing an extreme release of energy from my soul in the forms of scream. Only a spiderweb thin string remains connecting me to my wife. I want my wife back. Oh Source! I want so badly to leave this plane and continue being with her, but I have to stay behind and take care of our family. I made a promise. They're going to need me and no matter how much I want to be selfish and leave everything and everyone behind, Tali would never forgive me if I left our kids at the moment, they need me the most.
Slyvie yells at me "Why are you crying! You can see her whenever you want!"
Jason screams at her to shut up.
"It still hurts. My wife is de-de-dead. Aaaahhh!"
Slyvie says "I'm sorry dad."
"I know."
Jason pulls me away from the Tali's body and he covers his mother's face with a blanket. I break down and cry from my very soul. Everything hurts. I need my love back. My sinus are going to explode from all the mucus being produced. My kids pull me out of the room, and I weep for hours until my body can't cry anymore, then I whimper until my old vocal cords can't anymore. My family stays with me until I gather the mental strength to place Tali's body in the grave she made. Her request was for a part of her to stay at her home and to place a willow tree on top. Tali loved reading under the willow trees. The vines gave her privacy, and it was so peaceful. After we buried her, our kids said their final goodbyes and left me alone to grieve. I collapsed on my knees and cried until it was night. I stayed up all night on the porch as I couldn't fall asleep without my wife holding me. I feel so alone and cold. I'm not though. I still have a family and I have to be strong for them. I promised Tali I would take care of them, and I will. Tali and I will meet again one day, but that is going to be a long time for me. Even though I am sadder than I have ever been, I thank the Source for showing me the path to lead me where I am now. I expressed my gratitude every day to the Source after we wed and I do it once more.
I loved Tali more than enough to make the pain worth it, but it still hurts.
It hurts so much.
I hurt.