A Snowflake's Chance in Hell

Two months of Hellrider lightning strikes finally led to a break: the location of an Infernal mine where dozens of Elturans and other mortal captives were enslaved, and enslaved for the sake of cruelty only. Devils had other servants who could have worked the mine better and faster, but not with such beautiful misery.

The information was solid enough that Zevlor was able to talk Zosia and several other Hellriders, who had not originally followed him to Avernus, into joining for this attack. Karlach talked Raphane into joining as well, though all she needed do was ask.

The holy onslaught was quick and brutal. Zevlor himself smote the excruciarch warden while the rest of his allies made short work of the kocrachon lieutenants and barbazu guards. The bravest of the enslaved prisoners even rose up to aid in their own rescue, stoning one of the kocrachons to death and killing a number of barbazu as well.

In the end, no one was left behind and no injuries were sustained that couldn't be resolved by healing or revivification. Once everyone was through the portal, Zevlor proclaimed it to be the squad's finest hour.

With the imminent danger gone, there was still much to do. All of the rescued captives had suffered greatly during their imprisonment and were malnourished. Most of them were traumatized as well.

The ones whose needs were greatest, the Hellriders took to hospitals, temples or houses of healing. As for the rest, some chose to leave immediately, mostly through the gateway to Baldur's Gate, either to stay or to make their way to Elturel, others chose the gateways to Waterdeep or Neverwinter, either because they had relations or friends in those places or else because they wanted to start over.

Sadly, there had been no sign of Mihai, Zosia's lost daughter, and the paladin returned to Baldur's Gate once again carrying the burden of that disappointment.

Within a few days, the House of Hope was back down to just its Hellrider occupants plus Karlach, occasionally Raphane, and Hope herself, leaving the place strangely quiet.

"Never have I ever," said Raphane, before a sly smile crossed her face as she looked sidelong at Karlach, "let my girlfriend get entangled in vines because I was starstruck by a celebrity."

"When do I finally get to live that down?" Karlach protested.

"Drink!" yelled several of the Hellriders in unison, at what was good as an admission.

"Fine," said Karlach, taking her drink. "I need another ale," she said, after drinking it to the last drop.

"Very good," Iskandar, the elven Hellrider, told Raphane, while Karlach was pouring herself another drink, "although the intent of the game is not to air old grievances but to illuminate unknown truths."

"Naw, let her air," said Gorrem, the half-orc, "I'm enjoying it."

"She really hung you out to dry like that?" Yssylt, the human paladin, asked Raphane.

"Oh yes," said Raphane with a deep nod, "leapt valiantly to my defense with a slack jawed stare."

Karlach jumped in, "Well how was I supposed to know something was amiss? Raphane and Jaheira were both druids. I thought they were, I don't know, vining or something."

"Vining?" Raphane shot Karlach an incredulous look. "Really?"

"Look," said Karlach, "we've got a good dynamic. Have since practically we met. If the job is to hit something with an axe, that's me. If it's to do with spell fuckery, that's you. If anything, that ordeal was your fault for not tagging me in."

"Well I might have if you hadn't been so busy eye-fucking the centenarian."

"What?" sputtered Karlach, "I wasn't… is it my turn yet? Right. Never have I ever," Karlach held Raphane fixed in a measuring gaze, "had sex while wild shaped as an animal."

Raphane glowered at Karlach for several seconds before raising the bottle to her lips and pitching it back.

Karlach and all of the Hellriders sitting with them in the feast hall, except the elf, burst out in laughter. "I fucking knew it!" said Karlach once she was done with her initial cackle.

Raphane sighed, "If you were that curious you could have just asked."

"What was it like?" asked Yssylt.

"Not great," answered Raphane with a shake of her head. "I really wanted to like him, and I thought, maybe, I might be able to if we were both a different species." She grimaced. "It's about the most wrong I've ever been."

"So that was your one experiment with heterosexuality?" asked Karlach with a grin.

"Yep," said Raphane, grimacing as she nodded.

"What animal shape was it?" asked Gorrem.

"Nope. No more freebies," said Raphane, "Ask properly."

"Fine," grumbled Gorrem, "Only just started playing the game herself and she's already telling us how to play."

"Never have I ever," started the Hellrider whose turn it actually was now, the dwarf Odam. He fixed Raphane with a measuring gaze. "Had sex while wild shaped as a wolf."

Raphane shook her head.

"A bear!" shouted the next Hellrider, Gorrem again.

Rahapne just looked at her.

"Ugh. You're really going to make me say the whole damned thing?"

"She is," said Karlach. Raphane raised her eyebrows expectantly.

"Fine," said the half-orc, "Never have I ever had sex while shape changed as a bear."

Raphane shook her head.

"So what was the point-" the half-orc was starting to complain before the Hellrider in the next chair over, Yssylt, interrupted her.

"Never have I ever had sex while shape changed as an eagle!"

Raphane laughed, "Are you all really so desperate to know–" she shut up suddenly when the elven Hellrider to her left took a drink.

Iskandar the elf shrugged his shoulders matter-of-factly at the shocked stares of his compatriots. "I've lived four hundred years and I've only been a paladin for the last thirty. Everyone has a past."

"You more than most, mate," said Gorrem, "Seven lifetimes worth from where I'm sitting."

"Wait," said Yssylt, "why didn't you drink for the question about having sex while shape changed?"

"The precise words used at that juncture were 'while wild shaped.' Druidic wild shaping is far from the only way to shape change," the elf educated the human, whose expression rapidly changed from friendly curiosity to annoyance with the increasingly patronizing tone the elf took.

With it also being his turn, Iskandar tapped his chin as he considered what matter he would raise now that the floor was his, "Never have I ever-" but stopped mid sentence.

There was no sound, yet Raphane saw the liquid in her cup ripple, and felt an uneasy feeling in her gut, as if it had just lurched. "Did everyone else feel that?" she asked.

But Karlach had already grabbed her sword from where it leaned against the table and soon jumped onto that same table, ran across it, leapt off it and charged down the hall. Raphane grabbed her staff and followed after the berserker as quickly as she could, with the Hellriders not far behind her.

Raphane caught up to Karlach on the balcony, which typically overlooked only Avernus's hellblasted landscape. In this moment, there was something far more threatening in the foreground.

A flying fortress loomed ahead, a poised blade ready to plunge down into the hellscape. Scores of rockets blasted from munitions ports and careened erratically toward the House of Hope before exploding as they crashed into the House's arcane barrier. A black cloud rose from the flying fortress at the same time: a swarm of Imps, disgorging from the airship to descend on the House. Even from so far away, their yips and jeers could still be heard.

"Shit," uttered Karlach before she whirled to Raphane and clamped a hand on her shoulder, "You've got to go, darling! Take the portal back to Baldur's Gate."

"You know I'm not going to leave you," Raphane protested.

"I will throw you through that gateway if I have to," threatened Karlach.

"Not happening," said Raphane sternly.

Just then Yssylt caught up.

"You need to get your lot out of here, too," Karlach told Yssylt, "and get Hope as well, even if you have to carry her kicking and screaming."

"Don't panic," said Yssylt, "Give-"

"Don't panic!?" Karlach interrupted, "Do you see that big bloody phallus out there just waiting to fuck us!?"

"Karlach!" Raphane managed to wrangle the berserker's attention before pointing at the glyphs inlaid on the stone tiles that ran along the hallway. They were now glowing red, with their shine steadily building in brilliance as a ringing sound seemed to reverberate from every stone in the house.

"Hope is on it. Give her a chance," Yssylt told Karlach.

There was a flash of red-white light and, when the intensity of the flash died down, the flying fortress no longer loomed like a descending blade off the House's side and, even though much of Avernus looked the same, Karlach could tell that the hellscape laid out below was not the same one that had been there a moment ago. The House had moved.

"How many times have you had to do that?" asked Raphane as she poured another glass of water and handed it gently to Hope.

The dwarven woman was resting on one of the couches in the feast hall, where Zevlor had brought her after finding her unconscious following the House's teleportation.

"Oh, no more than four times. No less than three," answered Hope tiredly. She held the glass with both hands before taking a drink. "It's the stitch in time that saves me and mine."

"It must take a lot out of you," Raphane commented.

Hope certainly looked tired. Her eyes were drawn and there was a tremor to her voice when she spoke: "And there's only so much of little old me to take," she laughed humorlessly, "No, no, no. I'll be right as the rains in a minute or less or more. Maybe a minute more than a minute."

Karlach was speaking with Odam on the other side of the Feast Hall. "How many close calls have there been like that?" she asked.

"That was hardly close," said Odam. "They didn't even get past the barrier."

"And if they had, you would have had imps and cambions crawling all over the walls and up your arse. That's close," said Karlach testily, not in the least bit impressed by Odam's cavalier attitude.

"Just a few imps," said Odam dismissively.

"It only takes one imp getting a claw in your eye to ruin your day," said Karlach, "I get it. We've all been in scraps down here. A few imps aren't going to scare any of us. Even a dozen aren't much of a worry, but a flying fortress like that one is host to hundreds, and that's not even counting the cambions, barbazu and merregon. The imps are just skirmish fodder."

"She has a point, Odam," said Zevlor, entering the conversation, "There's work to be done to make the House more defensible. In the present state, if the barrier is breached the Imps could encircle the House and swarm in from every entrance. With these high ceilings and open spaces, they could run rampant. Come, Odam, let's have a look to see what we can devise. Karlach, you are welcome to join us."

Karlach saw that Raphane was standing up from where she had been attending to Hope, with the cleric Belmira taking her place.

"You go on," Karlach told Zevlor, "I'll catch up."

Raphane was getting a bite to eat from the feast hall table when Karlach stepped up to her. "Appetite all back to normal?" she asked.

"Quite healthy for some time now," answered Raphane with a smile.

"How's Hope?" asked Karlach, sparing a glance in her direction.

"Exhausted," said Raphane, "but otherwise she seems fine. Or at least unharmed physically. I worry about the toll that this place might be taking on her soul though, and I don't have a means of diagnosing that."

"Let's walk," said Karlach. She didn't speak again until they were on the balcony. "I'm worried. The devils diverted a flying fortress from the Blood War to take this place. They wouldn't do that lightly. Makes me think either the Hellriders' attacks are starting to become enough of a nuisance to do something about or else they know I'm here."

"If there's somewhere else you would rather go..?"

"That's the problem, isn't it? There's nowhere better. As far as places go where I won't burn alive that you can also use as a staging ground for your globetrotting, this is it. You know, for a moment I was starting to think that maybe this place was alright," she motioned off the balcony to the spot where the flying fortress had loomed, "but after that fucker reared its head… I've got that feeling again like the walls are closing in."

She turned her head to look hard at Raphane, "Promise me, Raphane, that if things get bad here, you'll take the gateway to Baldur's Gate and you won't try to come back."

Raphane scoffed, "You know I'm not leaving you here."

"You're telling me that if the sky were black with imps, if the halls were full of merregon and pit fiends you still wouldn't go? And you have the nerve to call me stubborn!?" said Karlach with an exasperated laugh. "You've already put your whole life on hold because of me, I won't have you sacrifice it entirely."

"You make it sound like I have places to be," Raphane laughed, "when I'm basically unemployed and homeless."

"Don't make light of this darling, I'm serious."

"So am I. You're worried about the House falling? Me too. We'll make a plan. Hope can open up portals nearly anywhere in Avernus. If things get bad, we'll pick a spot and have her drop us off there before the rest of them take the gate back to the material plane."

"If things get bad she may not have time to," said Karlach.

"Then I'll take a wild shape and fly us out. The next shipment won't arrive in Neverwinter for three days at the earliest. Plenty of time for me to scout out this new place we've found ourselves in and find a bolthole. We'll have an escape plan and a contingency."

Karlach let out a hopeless laugh. She could see she wasn't going to convince the other tiefling. "Always have an answer don't you?" she asked with a rueful smile.

"Aren't you lucky?" asked Raphane with a bright smile of her own.

Karlach took in a breath, "I just. When that thing put me under, back when we were wandering Avernus. In one of those dreams or visions or nightmares or whatever… you were in Zariel's dungeon and the state you were in…" Karlach shook her head, the memory of the vision painfully clear in her mind's eye: Raphane locked in that dirty cell, skin clinging to her bones skeletally, eyes vacant and hollow. "I can't let that happen to you."

"It won't happen," Raphane promised. "We're getting out of here, and we're doing it together."

Karlach's great sword was locked with the cleric Gorrem's halberd when the red tiefling saw a grin break out on the half-orc's face.

"I think it's for you," Gorrem said, looking at something over Karlach's shoulder. The berserker turned her head to see Raphane, wearing a skirt and corseted blouse with a plunging neckline.

"Well hello, darling," said Karlach.

"Don't let me distract you," said Raphane crossing her arms and leaning against a pillar, a smirk on her face, just before Gorrem's halberd trapped one of Karlach's legs before tripping her. Karlach landed on her back with an "oof" and promptly found the tip of Gorrem's halberd coming right for her. She grabbed the halberd's shaft, just behind the blade, and yanked it, pulling Gorrem off-balance before directing a kick to the back of the half-orc's knee.

After the half-orc topped with a clattering of plates, the two grappled and scuffled for a bit before Karlach ended up on top, dagger poised inches from Gorrem's throat. The half-orc groaned with irritation before she conceded the fight.

"Cheated and lost anyhow," Karlach teased the half-orc before helping her back up to her feet. "So embarassing. I hope your god didn't see that."

"Cheated?" Gorrem scoffed. "No one said the fight was over. Not my fault you let yourself get distracted."

Karlach turned around to face Raphane and grinned. "Do you want the next round?" She lowered her voice as she stepped closer and placed her hands on Raphane's hips. Her eyes drifted down to the generous portion of cleavage that Raphane's blouse put on display. "Or did you have a different sport in mind?"

"Yuck. That's my exit," remarked Gorrem. "Karlach, you owe me a rematch."

"Fair," said Karlach over her shoulder as the half-orc left, not taking her eyes off Raphane, "Shall we to our bedroom?'

"Actually, the library," said Raphane. "Don't worry, we won't be bothered."

"Not actually what I was worried about."

"No, I'm not going to make you read either. Although that does give me ideas." Raphane smiled devilishly. At the look Karlach gave her she added, "For later. Don't worry. Just get cleaned up and come meet me at the library."

Once Karlach was cleaned up and changed, she found Raphane in the sitting area outside the library, a teapot and cups on the table in front of her. She poured two cups as Karlach approached.

"Tea?" Karlach asked as she sat beside Raphane. "If this is a date, I'd rather have a frosty pint if it's the same to you."

"Indulge me, sweetheart," said Raphane with a smile as she handed a cup to Karlach.

"That smells terrible," Karlach complained as she lifted the teacup. "Is that…. mushrooms?"

Raphane pursed her lips but quickly said, "It won't be like last time. These are a different sort. Much milder."

"I don't know, darling," said Karlach. "What if something happens? Like the House getting attacked by Infernals again? Is this really a good idea?"

"Was having a date night with Orin's assassins, mind flayers and vampire spawn lurking around every corner a good idea?" asked Raphane with a smirk. "Sometimes living life is worth the risk."

"Sure, but we didn't get knackered on mushrooms that night. I can fight drunk and naked just as well as I can sober and armored. Your mushrooms are a different matter."

"Well you only tried them once. And it was you that insisted that since you were twice my size you needed twice as much."

"Least I learned something."

"Me too. Look, Karlach, I'll stop pressuring you if you really don't want to do this, but I've seen how tense you've been since that flying fortress appeared and I think this could help you relax."

"To live is to risk? Alright." said Karlach, raising the cup to her lips once more.

"Sip it," Raphane suggested.

The tieflings chatted a bit as they sipped their tea. Until, that is, Karlach found herself staring at the light coming in through the window. Where she had before seen distinct rays of red light coming through they were now merged, rippling and blurring and even brighter now than they had been before.

When she looked away from the window and back to Raphane, Karlach's vision took some seconds to catch up to the change in perspective, and, for a moment, Raphane's skin appeared as the stone walls of the House before the green tiefling resolved clearly into view, watching Karlach herself studiously.

"How do you feel?" asked Raphane.

"Everything looks off. Colours and lights and whatnot," said Karlach, blinking. "Blending and blurring together. But I think I'm okay."

"That's good," said Raphane. "You should feel beckoned by the current, not carried away by it."

"Whaaat?"

"Um. It's not important. I think you're ready now. Here, take my hands."

Karlach was a little unsteady as Raphane helped her off the couch and to the library doors. The berserker gasped when those doors opened and she found herself awash in golden light. Beneath the canopy of golden light was a bounty of greenery. Grass covered the ground and a grove of trees stretched out as far as Karlach could see. She looked to the left and the grove of trees seemed to stretch further and further in that direction as she turned her head. In the corner of her eye she could see a stony cliff covered in vines that crept slowly out from her peripheral sight.

"Keep your eyes forward," said Raphane, "And turn your head slowly." With a hand on Karlach's face the druid gently encouraged her to face forward.

For a moment, as Karlach looked forward, the green tiefling and the rows of green trees behind her seemed to be one. Raphane's orange within black eyes and red hair were the telltale signs around which the rest of the tiefling resolved. "That's good," said Raphane. "Focus on me."

Raphane led Karlach forward several steps. The moisture in the air defied Avernus' dry heat. She put a hand on Karlach's shoulder, "Let's sit down here. You can look around. Just turn your head slowly."

Karlach lifted her eyes. The cloudy sky glowed softly with golden light, pierced by beams of sunlight that shone through. She leaned back and felt her hands touch grass, wet with dew. She laughed, delighted. "And this is… still the library?"

She felt Raphane's head lean against her shoulder. "Since you can't go to the real world, I thought I would bring a slice of it to you."

"How? It's like I'm beneath a real sky."

"Lots of spellcraft. That and–"

"Mushrooms?"

"Yes. Those too."

"How long will it last?"

"Maybe an hour."

"And then this place is back to being a library?"

"Well then you'll get to see how much of the fantasy was actual," said Raphane.

Karlach let herself drift in a reverie. The landscape continued to shift before her eyes. She could see rose studded vines climbing stony cliffs behind the grove of trees. There were flowers amidst the grass she was sitting on. Avernus' grip loosened on Karlach and with the relief she could suddenly feel how like a snake it had constricted her mind and heart.

"Thank you, darling. By the by, how much control do you have here?"

"A bit. Tell me what you want to see and I'll see if I can make it happen."

"Can you make it snow?"

"I can't promise it will stick, but I can make it snow."

"That'll do me."

Karlach watched the sky as she heard Raphane whisper the words to the spell. The clouds turned from gold to white and snowflakes began to drift down. She held out her palm and the falling snowflakes graced it with their cool touches before each turned to vapor with a quiet hiss.

Once the effects of the mushrooms wore off, Karlach could see what Raphane had actually wrought in the library.

A good portion of the library's stone tiles had been removed and replaced with patches of grass, some of them spotted with flowers, including the one on whitch Karlach and Raphane now sat. Two rows of small trees ran down the center of the library and the walls and bookcases had been fitted with trellises that were home to vines and climbing roses.

Overhead, a sunlight spell shone through vapor clinging to the ceiling that Karlach had earlier taken for sun and clouds.

"Can I cook or can't I?" Raphane asked proudly.

"How long did it take to do all this? And without me noticing?" asked Karlach.

"Not as long as you might think," said Raphane. "The hard part was convincing Yssylt to let me move all the books."

Karlach smiled. She held a flower under her nose and inhaled the sweet aroma. "It's beautiful. I can almost still see those trees stretching out as far as the cliffs."

Raphane smiled at Karlach and put a hand on her knee. "It won't be long until it's real. We're so close, sweetheart; moving much faster than Dammon expected. Maybe just a month or two away now."

Karlach swept her eyes back and forth across the garden while twirling the flower between her fingers. "It's quite the thing you've done, darling, breathing life where it wasn't meant to be. This place isn't just a garden. It's a 'fuck you' to every devil in Avernus. Brash, defiant and, honestly, hot."

Karlach's head swung back to Raphane and a grin spread across her face before she jumped the smaller tiefling, tackling her down onto the bed of grass and eliciting a surprised yelp before she started planting a string of kisses going down Raphane's neck.