Sirius didn't have a lot of experience with family, nor did he have any experience with losing someone he loved. The only person he had ever known to die had been his Great Uncle Alphard. Although he had been left a hefty inheritance from the man, it wasn't as if they had been particularly close, especially not compared to how close Remus had been to his mother.

Watching Remus over the days that followed Hope Lupin's passing was surreal to Sirius. He didn't know what he had been expecting, it wasn't like Remus was typically one to broadcast his emotions and he was used to how his boyfriend tended to retreat into himself when things got hard, but he hadn't been expecting this.

The night that Hope passed, Remus had sat by her bed for what seemed like an eternity after she had breathed her last breath. Sirius, Lyall, and the muggle healer had slipped from the room to give him time and space, but Sirius couldn't resist pressing his ear to the door now and then, listening for any signs that he may have to go in to comfort his boyfriend. He couldn't hear anything and after a while, he took to pacing back and forth, fighting back his instincts to scratch at the door and whine. Lyall eventually muttered something about making tea and that snapped Sirius out of his desperate attempts to read Remus' emotions through the bedroom door and he stopped pacing.

"I can do that if you'd like, Mr. Lupin," he offered. "I mean, that's why I came along with Remus. You've got enough going on, I thought maybe you could use the help."

Lyall gave him a tired smile. "Thank you, Sirius. I really appreciate it, but I think a little busy work may be good for me. Sitting and doing nothing," the man shuddered and shook his head. "It won't help much."

Sirius wilted slightly, but he nodded. "Yeah. I understand."

"You're more than welcome to join me in the kitchen if you'd like," Lyall said. "Probably better than waiting by that door like a stray dog." He chuckled lightly and Sirius had to appreciate the irony of the statement even though he could feel his cheeks heating up with mild embarrassment as he followed his boyfriend's father into the kitchen.

Sirius took a seat at the table and watched closely as Lyall went about the tea; taking the cups down from the cabinet, filling the pot and setting it on the stove, and shuffling through an organized tin full of teabags.

Lyall turned and caught his eye and gave a short little laugh. "Hope didn't like me using magic in the kitchen," he explained as he saw Sirius eyeing the stove curiously. "Anywhere else in the house was fine but she believed everything tasted better when it was done without magic. She was right, of course. At least I always thought so." He looked back down at the tin in his hands. "What kind of tea do you prefer, Sirius?"

"Earl Grey, if you have it."

Lyall nodded, plucking a bag from the bunch and placing it aside. "And Remus… he still drinks ten bloody cups of breakfast tea throughout the day, I assume?" Lyall looked up with an amused smirk that Sirius thought was nearly identical to his son's and he smiled back.

"Most days." Sirius chuckled. He sighed and stood up, walking over to the counter to stand beside the man and looking into the tin. "Er… though I think right now he'd actually appreciate… this one." He selected an herbal tea. Some sort of chamomile blend that he knew Remus said calmed his nerves around the full moon. "Scorching hot and with some peppermint and lemon."

Lyall quirked an eyebrow at him, silent for a moment as he looked Sirius up and down, almost like he was giving some sort of assessment. Then he patted Sirius on the shoulder. "Thank you, Sirius. Really."

Once the tea was ready, Sirius helped Lyall carry it back to the hall where Doctor Robinson was still waiting outside. Lyall sighed heavily and nodded to Sirius.

"I think it may be time. Sirius, would you mind–?"

"Of course," Sirius agreed quickly. Both of his hands currently holding hot cups of tea, Sirius stepped aside to let Lyall open the door for him and he quietly stepped in, letting the door close gently behind him. Remus either hadn't heard the door or had chosen not to react to it because he stayed with his back to Sirius, still as a statue in the exact position as when they had left him there – sitting on the edge of the bed, holding Hope's hand. Setting the cups down on the dresser, Sirius slowly made his way and laid his hand on Remus' shoulder, ducking to press a kiss to the top of his head.

"Moony…"

"Just one more minute." Remus' voice rasped, thick and strange sounding. He still didn't move a muscle. "Please?"

Sirius nodded, pleased when Remus finally leaned his body back against his own. He wrapped his arms around Remus and just sat there, waiting, letting him finish whatever he needed to do inside his head. Another minute passed.

"Come on, babe," Sirius muttered, his lips still pressed to his boyfriend's messy curls. "It's time."

He expected Remus to refuse and ask for more time and Sirius didn't know what he would do if he had to drag the werewolf out of the room. Thankfully he felt Remus nod and at long last he stood up from the bed, turned, and wrapped his arms tightly around Sirius, burying his face in his neck. They stood like that for a while until Remus pulled back slightly, blinking his red-rimmed, glassy eyes. He rested their foreheads together.

"Thanks for being here with me, Sirius."

"Don't be ridiculous, Remus. There was nothing that could have stopped me." He stole a quick kiss before taking out his wand and pointing it at the two steaming tea cups, levitating them so that they followed the two boys out of the room into the hall. Lyall pulled his son into a long hug.

"Why don't you boys go and get some rest," Lyall suggested. "You've had a long day and we have a lot to take care of tomorrow. Go on up to bed."

Remus shook his head. "What about you? I'm not tired, Dad. What do you need me to–"

"Remus," Lyall said firmly. "What I need is for you to get some rest, son. You'll have plenty to do tomorrow and you won't be able to if you don't get some sleep, alright? Go on."

Remus looked as if he wanted to argue and Sirius quickly took him by the arm. "Come on, Remus. I'm not above slipping you sleeping draught, babe. Let's go." He flashed a smile at his boyfriend's father. "Goodnight, Mr. Lupin."

Once they were in Remus' bedroom with the door locked and a silencing charm placed, Remus sat on the edge of his bed and just stared, blank-faced, at the wall. Even with their magical bond, Sirius couldn't seem to get an accurate sense of what the other boy was feeling or thinking. He just seemed numb. Perhaps he was in shock.

Grabbing one of the floating teacups out of the air, Sirius sat beside him and held it out to him. "Made you some tea. You should probably drink it. It's that herbal stuff you like near the moon."

Remus grunted in response and took the cup, but he continued to just stare off, holding the cup in his lap.

Sirius bit his lip. He wasn't sure what he should do. Was this a normal reaction when someone lost a family member? Maybe he should get his mirror and call James. What would James know, though? James had never dealt with something like this either. He sighed and ran his hand through his hair, looking around the room. First things first, Sirius was dying to get out of his tight jeans and if he couldn't get Remus to talk or drink some tea, he could at least make him more comfortable.

He opened the top drawer of the old, chipped wooden dresser, digging around until he found a thin white t-shirt that looked well-worn but clean. He turned back and sighed at the dazed expression that remained on Remus' face, but he forced a smile onto his own.

"Come on, Moony." He carefully pried the mug from Remus' fingers and set it next to his own on the bedside table. "Arms up. Let's get you out of that scratching jumper, yeah?" When Remus still didn't budge, Sirius sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Look, Moony, you've got to give me something to work with here, babe. At least change into something comfortable, okay? Don't make me vanish your clothes off you, because I will–"

"I can do it," Remus said quietly turning his head so quickly to face Sirius that it made him jump a little.

Sirius licked his lips and nodded. "Right. Okay, good." He watched Remus stand up and grasp the hem of his jumper, unable to stop himself from admiring the way the werewolf's muscles moved under each bit of exposed skin as he pulled the garment over his head and tossed it aside leaving his curls in an adorably messy state. Sirius frowned slightly, taking in the familiar sight of the boy he loved. Something seemed different.

Perhaps, Sirius thought, it's that Remus was hardly a boy anymore and neither was he for that matter. When you look at a person every single day, it's hard to notice the subtle differences, but seeing Remus in his childhood bedroom really brought it to light. His shoulders had broadened and although Remus had unbelievable strength due to his lycanthropy, he had always appeared too tall, too thin, and too scrawny but somewhere along the line – and Sirius cursed himself for not noticing sooner or at least during a time that he could properly appreciate it – the muscles in Remus' chest and stomach had become nicely defined. There was a light sprinkling of hair on his chest, as well along with the trial that led Sirius' eyes from his navel down to his low-hanging trousers which was joined by another new development of nicely shaped v-line muscles.

Remus had been the first of the Marauders to grow any facial hair, but even still it was always relatively light and he didn't shave more than once a week, but now his day-old stubble gave his jaw more definition.

Sirius wondered if he looked different as well.

They were grown now. They weren't young boys anymore, and they would be leaving school in a few short months and entering a world at war. Hope Lupin was only the first loss they would surely be suffering in due time.

Remus unbuttoned his trousers, letting them fall and kicking them and his shoes off haphazardly, not caring where they ended up. He scrubbed his hands over his face, standing in front of Sirius in nothing but his boxers and Sirius wondered once again if it was wrong to ogle at his boyfriend while he was in emotional distress.

Remus didn't seem to notice the fact that his boyfriend was nearly drooling over him and he grabbed the t-shirt Sirius had given him and pulled it on. He sighed, scratching at his head and looking around the room with a mild look of confusion. "You said tea?"

"Yes!" Sirius answered with a little too much enthusiasm and had broken the deafening silence. He picked up Remus' cup and held it out to him. "Erm, it might have gone a bit cold. Want me to put a warming charm over it?"

Remus made a face. "Doesn't taste the same with magic." As the words left his mouth they seemed to trigger something else in his mind because his eyes widened slightly and his breath caught. Sirius remembered what Mr. Lupin had said in the kitchen:

Hope always said everything tasted better without magic.

He stood up and took the cup away again, putting it back on the table before he turned and wrapped his arms around Remus.

Remus let out a slow, shuddering breath against his neck. "I'm sorry," he whispered and Sirius rolled his eyes, tightening his arms around him.

"Are you mental? You've got nothing to be sorry for." He pulled back slightly to look at the other boy. "Why on earth would you apologize?"

Remus shrugged. "I just… I don't know how I'm supposed to feel right now. I don't… I don't feel anything and yet I feel… everything all at once. I don't know what to do, Sirius. I want to scream, I want to break things… I want…" He sniffled again and Sirius noticed how red the tip of his nose was. "I feel like she's going to wake up. Like she has to wake up. Or I'll wake up and this will all have been some awful dream. I just want to wake up from this, Padfoot."

"If I could wake you up from it, I would," Sirius said, reaching up to gently cup Remus' chin. "I'm so sorry, Moony."

A ghost of a smile passed over Remus' lips before he leaned in and pressed them against Sirius'. "I love you, Sirius."

"I love you, too." He looked over at the tea cups. "Want me to go heat it up in that… Mikey Wave thing?"

Remus snorted and rolled his eyes, a real smile actually settling on his face. "It's called a microwave, Sirius. And no, for the love of Merlin, I don't think I'm ready for the disaster that is you and muggle household appliances. I don't need you blowing anything up today, thanks."

"Hey now, you don't know I'd blow anything up!"

"Yes, I do," Remus smirked but it didn't reach his eyes, which were puffy and tired, but it was a start. "A warming charm will work just fine for now."

"But you said-"

Remus waved him off dismissively. "It works fine at school and it can work fine now. Besides, I'd rather you not… you know… leave me." He finished with a slight blush creeping up his cheeks.

Sirius smiled and kissed him. "I'll never leave you, Moony. Don't worry."

They both drank their magically warmed tea and Sirius changed into a t-shirt and stripped off his jeans before crawling into the bed, making himself comfortable and holding out his arms as an invitation which Remus took with a look of gratitude and utter exhaustion, sliding under the covers beside him and curling up with his head on Sirius' chest. Sirius flicked his wand to turn the lights out and then stuffed it under the pillow and began to card his fingers through Remus' hair. They didn't talk like they normally did before they fell asleep; they just lay in silence. A few times Sirius heard Remus' breath hitch and he thought maybe he was crying, in fact, he almost wished Remus would cry rather than remain so emotionally numb, but he never felt any tears dampening his t-shirt and eventually the werewolf's breathing evened out completely. Satisfied that his boyfriend had managed to fall asleep, Sirius let exhaustion take over him as well and he too drifted off.

—-

The next few days were a whirlwind while Remus tried to help his father with the arrangements despite Mr. Lupin's insisting that things had been mostly taken care of by Hope herself over the last few months. That only seemed to make Remus more determined to be included, feeling that the truth about the seriousness of his mother's condition had been purposely kept from him. Still, he showed very little emotion beyond mild to moderate aggravation toward his father, and he kept himself as busy as possible regardless of the distant, detached look in his eyes.

Sirius tried to make himself as useful as possible without getting in the way, taking care of little things like doing the dishes or pestering Remus to eat whatever he could safely whip up on his own without burning the house down. It turned out Remus was right, he was definitely not ready for the microwave thing, as a sad incident involving a metal fork had proven…

That was when Mr. Lupin introduced Sirius to the beauty of ordering take-out.

Most of all, Sirius just did what he could to be supportive; reminding Remus that he had to stop periodically to do things like eat, shower, and sleep even though he knew that his boyfriend only nibbled at his food, stood briefly under the spray of water in a complete daze, and stared at the ceiling for hours at night between short intervals of fitful dozing.

Sirius had never been to a funeral before and he certainly wasn't looking forward to it, but the knowledge that James, Peter, and Lily had been permitted to miss class to be there for Remus made it hard for Sirius to deny that he wished for that day to finally come. He needed backup.

The day finally did arrive, and when Sirius woke up Remus was already showered, clean-shaven, and buttoning up a clean, white dress shirt with that same distant expression he had had for four full days.

Sirius blinked and rubbed his eyes, reaching across the bed to take the pocket watch James' parents had given him for his seventeenth birthday from the bedside table. "It's barely seven, Moony."

"Couldn't sleep anyway."

Sirius snorted. "No kidding. I don't think you've slept in days, babe. I'm serious about force-feeding you a sleeping draught, you know. And if you think I won't, just wait until Lily gets her hands on you." He sat up and stretched, swinging his legs over the side of the bed and watching Remus get dressed in his nice muggle suit.

Shit. Sirius suddenly realized. This is a muggle funeral. I don't have a muggle suit.

"Erm… Remus?"

"Huh?"

Sirius groaned inwardly. He'd eventually get a full sentence out of the man. These grunts and simple answers were driving him insane. He shook it off. "Well, I've just sort of noticed while admiring how dashing your arse looks in those trousers… I haven't got a muggle suit. I can't wear my dress robes in front of your whole muggle family."

Remus' lips turned down and he glanced at Sirius, contemplating. Then he chewed anxiously at his bottom lip. "Er… well, I suppose we can transfigure your dress robes." He sighed and then muttered, "Not that it will make a bloody difference."

Sirius' brow furrowed and he tilted his head in a confused, dog-like manner. "What d'you mean? Your mum's family can't see me in Wizard clothing, right? They're muggles."

"Yes, they are, it's just…" Remus ran a hand through his hair and sighed. "Well, I'm not so sure many of them will come…" he sat down on the bed next to Sirius and slouched his shoulders. "Things were hard enough when Mum married Dad and couldn't tell her family that he was a Wizard. They managed to hide it well even once I was born but… after I, well… after what happened, it got harder to hide the truth." Remus rested his head on his hands as he continued. "I was newly turned and I couldn't control my behavior very well at first. If I got too excited or upset, I wasn't just at risk of showing accidental magic but my wolf side would sort of take over a bit, like it does sometimes now and we couldn't let them see me… like that." He cleared his throat awkwardly. "Then as time went on, every month I would get hurt during the full moon, and every month I would have more and more scars that appeared on my body. It looked suspicious you know?

"I don't really remember what happened exactly but when I was about six the last time I saw my Grandad. I remember he took one look at me – I think I was still nursing a broken wrist and I had my first really bad scars up my arm where they could be seen under my t-shirt – and it was the first time I had gotten a scar that couldn't be hidden by my regular clothes. So he looked at me and he dropped down to his knees in front of me and started asking all these questions in Welsh and I didn't understand much of it but it scared me because he looked so upset." Remus was looking everywhere but at Sirius, as the memory overcame him. Sirius reached for his boyfriend's hand and was satisfied when he didn't flinch or pull away.

"Then Mum ran in yelling at him not to accuse her husband of terrible things and she snatched me up in her arms and told him that if he couldn't believe her that my dad wasn't hurting me and he was still that desperate to get her to leave him, then she never wanted him to see her or me again." Remus used his other hand to rub his eyes, almost feeling something. Anything.

"It turned out that when Mum and Dad got married they moved away from where the rest of her family lived so that they wouldn't accidentally let her family know he was a Wizard." Sirius squeezed Remus' hand. "That upset my grandad to begin with and he was suspicious about why mum felt the need to be so far away. So then when I got bitten and we really pulled back from the family and saw them less and less, rumors circulated and eventually the family heard things from the locals. Strange noises and screams that often came in the night and on the rare occasion that they did see me I was always injured. They pestered Mum about it constantly, especially my grandparents and eventually, she dropped them. Every single one of them. She lost her whole family, all because her son was a fucking werewolf." He spat viscously.

"Remus, that is not your fault! Look, love, if they couldn't trust her word and support her relationship with your dad, they weren't doing the right thing by her or by you. She did that because she loved you and she loved your dad. She knew you were more important."

"She wouldn't have had to cut ties with her whole family to hide her son from them!" Remus stood abruptly and crossed the room to his dresser and Sirius quickly followed. "She spent her whole life taking care of me and my condition and my problems and keeping me safe and it's not fair! It's not fair!"

Sirius grabbed both of his shoulders and forced Remus to turn and look at him. "Moony, stop. She was your mother, Remus! I may not know from experience but I'm pretty sure that's what real mothers are meant to do, isn't it? Love and protect their children! Again, Walburga isn't a good example, but yours? Moony, no mother has ever loved their son the way that woman loved you, do you understand? She never wasted her life for you, she lived it for you!"

Remus stared at him for a long time, looking like he had been hit in the head with a bludger. Then before Sirius knew it, they were moving backward and he found himself falling back and pinned to the bed with Remus' familiar weight straddling him and one of Remus' hands holding both of his above his head as the werewolf kissed and sucked a path down Sirius' neck.

It had taken him by such surprise that it took several seconds to register what was happening and had succumbed to his usual instinct to submit to his Mate, writhing pleasurably beneath him as Remus' mouth made its way down Sirius' still bare chest. The hand that wasn't holding Sirius' wrists down was making its way down past the waistband of his trousers. Those warm fingers playing at the hem so perfectly brought him back down to Earth and he shook his head. "Remus," he panted, biting back a moan as Remus' teeth nipped at the sensitive flesh of his ribs. "...Moony, stop."

Remus nipped him again, less playful and more of a warning for his mate to behave and Sirius hissed in both pleasure and pain.

"Want you…" Remus growled, kissing just under his navel.

"I know, Moony. I want you too, babe. So, so badly." Sirius gasped as Remus bit his hip bone and then kissed it making Sirius squirm. "But we can't now, Moony."

Remus shook his head, his yellow-tinged eyes glaring down at Sirius, daring him to challenge. "I need you, Sirius…" he kissed a line from Sirius' hip along the waist of Sirius' pajama pants.

Sirius whined, partially in disappointment that he couldn't just let Remus have his way with him and partially a little nervous about how he was going to argue with him about why they couldn't do this with him in this state. He sighed. "Moony, I love you. I need you too, babe, you know I do, Merlin what I wouldn't give–" he cut himself off. "You're going to get your suit all wrinkly and Prongs and Wormtail and Lily are–"

A knock on the door saved him. It distracted Remus enough to catch him off guard so that Sirius could wriggle out from under him and grab his wand, unlocking the bedroom door and charming the wrinkles off of Remus' dress shirt. He sorted himself out, though he was still just in his sweatpants, he grabbed his AC/DC shirt, slid it on, and then opened the door. He promptly fell dramatically into James' arms. "Tell me how much you missed me, Jamie! I must hear it! It was simply dreadful not to have you by my side!"

"An utter travesty it was, Sirius!" James said, matching Sirius' dramatic and overdone accent. "The only thing that kept me alive was the knowledge that you were off to do the noble work of protecting and serving our dear Remus Lupin!" He caught sight of Remus and grinned widely, letting go of Sirius who fell with a thud into the wall beside the door. "And what a fine job he hath done on his mission! The man lives! Even when aided only with utter incompetence drenched in hair gel! Remus, come and give us a proper hello!"

Remus allowed James to hug him, only half returning it on his end but he did smile a bit and say his hellos to both Lily and Peter as well.

Of course, the moment Lily saw him she tutted in disapproval and immediately started to rummage through her bag. "Godric, Remus Lupin! Sirius Black, have you been making sure this boy eats?" She forced a bottle of pumpkin juice and a banana into Remus' hands before rounding on Sirius with her arms crossed, green eyes narrowed accusingly.

"It's not his fault, Lily," Remus explained, giving Sirius an apologetic look over the girl's shoulder. "He's been a proper watchdog, I assure you. It's just…er…"

Sirius groaned. "I'm completely useless in a Muggle kitchen, alright? I nearly exploded the mike-wave–"

"Microwave."

"The blood box that makes things hot!" Sirius said defensively, scowling as Peter and Lily didn't bother to hide their laughter.

James chuckled and elbowed Sirius playfully. "Let's be fair, Sirius. You're pretty useless in any kitchen, muggle or magic."

Sirius made to lunge at him but he was held back by Lily, who was still laughing at both of them, and grabbed him by the arm. She started to lead him out of the room. "Let's go, Black. I'll teach you to make some proper toast."

Remus sighed, scratching the back of his head anxiously. "Really, Lily, it's not necessary. I'm not hungry–"

But Lily paid him no mind, already beginning to explain to Sirius that the toaster wasn't haunted and wouldn't hurt him at the same time that James produced a small bag from his pocket, the contents of which they were pretty sure would bring Remus' appetite back for at least a little while.

Sirius reluctantly led Lily to the kitchen, showing her where everything was and explaining what had happened the last time he tried to heat something in the microwave. Lily rolled her eyes and shoved him to sit down at the kitchen table while she hurried around the room as if it were her own kitchen.

Sirius just watched her, impressed and amused at how easy it came to her and mildly jealous. "Thanks for your help, Evans."

Lily paused just as she was cracking an egg into a bowl and looked at him over her shoulder. She looked at him sympathetically for a moment, then gave him a small smile. "Of course. We all know that Remus is having a hard time, that's to be expected." She began to whisk the eggs, leaning casually against the counter. "But I'm sure it's been difficult for you as well, having to watch him go through that and not being able to do much about it. It must be frustrating."

"What? No! I want to be here for him–"

Lily laughed and shook her head. "Of course you do. That's not what I meant. It's just that with you putting all of your energy into taking care of him and his dad through this, there hasn't been anyone here to make sure you're alright as well."

Sirius frowned, his head tilting in confusion. He hadn't stopped to think about himself at all over the last few days. It had all been about Remus. Making sure Remus ate and rested and managed to function at least a little bit. Suddenly Sirius felt exhausted and he slumped down in his chair, scrubbing his hands over his face.

Lily set the bowl down on the counter and walked over, placing a hand on his shoulder. "Are you alright, Sirius?"

Sirius shrugged, resting his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands, pushing his hair away from his face. "Yes? I don't know…" He looked up at her. "Have…have you ever lost someone, Lily?"

Lily nodded and pulled a chair over and sat in front of him. "Yeah. I mean, there's nothing like losing a parent, of course. But my Gran died the summer after third year. I was pretty close with her, though, so it hit pretty hard."

"What did you do?"

Lily hummed thoughtfully. "I cried a lot. Then I was angry…. I don't know why exactly, but I was so angry. It didn't help of course that my sister kept mentioning how much extra time she had gotten with Gran since she wasn't at "Some Special Freak School"... then I cried some more." Lily cleared her throat. "It hurt a lot, you know? Like actual pain in my chest as if someone had just reached in and tore my heart right out… Eventually, the pain stopped, though. I still get sad sometimes and now and then the tears return, but human beings, whether magic or muggle, are extremely resilient. We learn to live with whatever life throws at us or takes away. Besides," she smiled wistfully, "the ones that love us never really leave us, do they? You can always find them inside yourself."

"It's just…" Sirius bit his lip. "You said you cried and you got angry and all that. Remus hasn't cried or yelled or… or anything!" He roughly ran his fingers through his hair and tugged. "He's been completely blank. He hardly talks, he barely manages to take a bite of whatever food I force him to eat, and he only sleeps for an hour at best if he does at all! I don't know how to help him and it's–"

"Sirius, you are helping him!" Lily insisted. She placed her hands gently on Sirius', making him loosen his grip on his hair as she brought them down to hold them. "You being here is more important than you know. Imagine how he'd be if he had to do this alone. You could do nothing but sit at the foot of his bed in complete silence and just knowing you're here would mean the world to him. And as for the way he's behaving…" she sighed and shrugged her shoulder. "I mean, are you really all that surprised? Remus isn't exactly Mr. Expressive on any given day, but he's probably still in shock and he knows he needs to be able to make it through today in one piece." She gave his hand a reassuring squeeze. "Eventually he's going to have to let it out, Sirius. You just need to let him do it at his own pace and be there for him when he does."

Sirius huffed a small laugh. "You really are bloody brilliant, Evans."

Lily smirked cockily. "I know it." She stood up briskly and went back to the counter to continue beating the eggs. "Now then, take that bread there and stick it in the toaster."

Sirius grimaced, but he stood up and joined her at the counter, gingerly picking up the slice of bread and not getting any closer than a full arms-length to the blasted muggle contraption that had scared the living shit out of him the first time he tried to use it.

"Oh, don't be dramatic, Black. It's just toast. Come on…"

With Lily's expert assistance, Sirius was pleased to find that he could actually make something edible without anything catching on fire. They made tea and coffee for everyone, and Lily found a tray that could fit all the dishes to be levitated and brought back to Remus' bedroom.

"What about Remus' dad?" Lily asked in a hushed voice as they passed the closed door to Remus' parents' room.

"He's already at the funeral home, I think. Had some last-minute things to get done."

As they neared Remus' room, Lily sniffed at the air and pulled a face. She shot Sirius a look and Sirius shrugged innocently. "What?"

Lily's eyes narrowed and she opened the door to a cloud of smoke that came pouring out. She scoffed. "Really? At a time like this?"

James, Peter, and Remus, all of whom were sitting cross legged on Remus' tiny bed with bloodshot eyes and passing around a joint, looked up at her, apathetic to her scolding tone.

James blinked slowly and looked from Remus to Lily. "Well, you said he had to eat something! We made him hungry!"

"That doesn't mean get him high, Potter!"

"Would you stop being such a swot–"

"We're missing school so we can be here to support our friend!"

"Oh, Evans, did you just say ours? I'm smitten."

"You know what I mean."

Peter cleared his throat. "Er, guys? Perhaps maybe Remus would prefer if no one fought."

Remus shook his head, holding his hand to stop Peter's interruption. "No, let them keep going, mate. Bloody entertaining." He caught Sirius' eye and smiled. A real Moony smile that made Sirius' stomach flip and he immediately smiled back and went to join him on the bed, levitating the tray over with him.

Unable to stop grinning at how much more relaxed Remus seemed, Sirius leaned in and kissed him lovingly. "I made toast, and nothing caught fire."

Remus chuckled. "I'm very proud. And you didn't hide under the table again when it popped out?"

"I wasn't expecting it to jump like that, alright?!" Sirius huffed and crossed his arms. He nodded to the lit joint between Remus' fingers. "I reckon that means you're finally hungry then?"

Remus half shrugged, bringing the tightly rolled cylinder to his lips and inhaling. He passed it to Sirius on the exhale. "Still not really hungry to be honest. However, seeing as I don't doubt the four of you would shove food down my mouth at this point if I don't eat, this definitely makes it a little easier." He glanced at the tray. "Tea?"

Sirius nodded, placing the joint between his lips and reaching across to get the cup of English breakfast tea he had made for his boyfriend.

Remus smiled fondly at the cup. "You put a cinnamon stick in there."

Sirius nodded. "You like it that way."

"You're very sweet, you know," Remus said, ducking to kiss the spot behind Sirius' ear. "Thank you." Sirius made a content sound as his face tinged a slight pink.

James and Lily had eventually stopped their arguing once Lily saw Remus accept the plate of food that Sirius gave him and that he nearly finished all of it. The new issue being that they all smelled like smoke and Remus was already in his dress slacks and shirt. Lily rolled her eyes at them, taking it upon herself to use every cleaning charm she knew to get rid of the smell. Next was the pressing matter of two pureblood wizards who were supposed to blend in with all of the Muggles that would be present without proper, formal muggle attire.

Sirius and James were both standing awkwardly in Remus' room under Lily's assessing stare.

Remus groaned and hid his face in his hands. "Whatever. Honestly, you could go in drag for all I care. It's not like I have anyone to impress. It's not like I even know any of them properly."

"Relax, Remus. It's going to be just fine." Lily assured him gently. "I'm sure we can transfigure them into something decent."

It took a few tries, and everyone saw much more of James than they wanted to when his trousers were accidentally vanished (or at least, Lily claimed it had been an accident as she blushed and giggled) but eventually both James and Sirius were standing there in seemingly normal, muggle suits and ties.

Remus' mood began to shift from calm and calculated to anxious as the morning turned to afternoon, and the time they had to be at the funeral home grew nearer. He was pacing back and forth in the living room for what felt like hours and nothing that any of them said or did could stop him.

"Just let him." Peter advised quietly as they all watched their friend circle the room like a caged animal. "I couldn't sit still for the life of me at my dad's funeral. I kept bouncing in the chair. I thought my Aunt Nettie's eyes were going to pop right out of her head the way she was staring at me. Let him do what he has to do."

When it was time for them to leave, James asked about how they were going to get there. "They're all muggles, mate. We can't floo in, and we don't have a portkey. And honestly, I don't think I could apparate right now." Remus' cheeks tinged pink slightly, but he shook it off and shoved his hand into his pocket, taking out a set of keys. "Come on."

Remus headed towards the door, but the rest of them stayed frozen in place. Remus looked over his shoulder at them and frowned. "What?"

"You can drive?" James asked in complete disbelief. "Since when do you know how to drive a muggle car, Moony?!"

Remus blinked. "Erm… Since summer after fifth year. Mum taught me. She said it was a good skill to have even with magical transportation."

"Honestly Potter, it's not that big of a deal," Lily said flippantly.

James eyed her suspiciously. "Hold on, Evans. Do you know how to drive?"

Lily nodded, looking at him as if it should have been obvious.

"I don't," Peter added. "Didn't have the time to learn or anything. Don't really have to desire too anyway, so… anyway. Don't we have to go?"

Remus nodded. "Yes, we do. Come on. You do trust my driving ability, don't you?" He raised an eyebrow at all of them and they nodded.

On the way out the door, James elbowed Sirius sharply. "Oi," He hissed. "Did you just become like, ten times more attracted to Remus when he said he could drive?"

Sirius, who still had his jaw slightly dropped in awe, nodded. Then he shot James a questioning look. "...Are you more attracted to Remus because he can drive? Because mate, you're my brother but I will fight you."

James rolled his eyes. "Lily, you idiot. That is so bloody cool."

The funeral itself was a strange experience. He, James, Lily and Peter took their seats right away in the back row while Remus stood with his father at the front of the room by the closed casket. Remus' face had gone hauntingly blank again as he shook hands with the people who had come to pay their respects.

Remus had been correct in assuming that there wouldn't be much of a crowd. Hope had after all cut ties with most of her family and had spent most of the rest of her life devoted to her son and husband, but there was still a handful of people – friends and acquaintances – that had come to say goodbye and insist to Lyall and Remus that if they should need anything to call on them. Sirius saw Remus fight to hold back an eye roll multiple times. Looking around the room, Sirius tried to spot any family resemblance in the faces of all these strangers, wondering if any of Hope's estranged family had decided to show up, but he couldn't tell.

Eventually everyone sat down, and a man stood at the front of the room at a small podium and spoke in flowery proverbs that Sirius knew Remus would think were utterly corny and impersonal. A few times Lily sniffed, and Peter dabbed the corner of his eyes with a tissue, but Sirius' eyes were glued to the back of Remus' head. Remus looked like he was made of stone, straight backed and unmoving throughout the entire thing. Everyone stood at the end to leave, and they waited outside the door until Remus joined them and explained that since Hope wished to be cremated, they wouldn't be continuing to the cemetery. He seemed somewhat thankful for that, and Sirius thought he could understand not wanting to witness someone he loved being put into the ground. The idea made him feel uneasy.

Sirius was surprised to see a line of cars parked outside Remus' house when they pulled into the driveway. Remus mumbled something about reception and forced small talk all while his hands kept a white-knuckle grip on the steering wheel and looking like he had no intention of going in the house.

They sat in the heavy, awkward silence for so long that when Remus, without warning, finally undid his seat belt, and opened the door they all nearly jumped out of their skin before they too got out of the car.

Even though there weren't that many people, there was enough that it made Remus' house feel rather claustrophobic and they were glad to find a corner in the kitchen right by the food to call their own. Remus had been pulled away by some middle-aged woman who had left a stain of bright red lipstick on his cheek when she greeted him.

They had pulled the chairs from the kitchen table to their designated corner, and they all slumped heavily down into them.

"Merlin, funerals are exhausting," James commented, taking off his glasses and rubbing his eyes. "And we didn't even have to do anything. Poor Remus. As if it's not enough that you lose someone you care about, but then to have to go through all of this right after. It's kind of bullshit don't you think?"

Sirius nodded, taking a large gulp from his glass of wine.

"If I go before any of you," James continued as he took a bite of a dinner roll. "Promise me you won't have any of this shit. Throw a bloody party for me, you know? Get wasted and tell embarrassing stories about me. Take it to the streets."

Sirius barked a laugh. "You want me to get arrest or something too? Shit."

"I think if I die, the best wat to celebrate me would be to do something that could possibly warrant being arrested, sure."

"Alright, fine." Sirius agreed, grinning.

After a while they all started to worry when they hadn't seen or heard from Remus in a while.

"I'm just going to go check on him," Sirius said, excusing himself and squeezing through the small crowd to search the house. He spotted Remus a lot easier than he thought he would, standing in the living room talking to – or rather be talked at by – an elderly man with a somber looking face. Remus looked as if he were almost staring right through the man, but Sirius could see the muscle in his jaw twitching and his hands were fisted at his sides. Then his eyes spotted Sirius across the room and he blinked and shook himself slightly before he abruptly ended the conversation with the man and crossing the living room in just a few quick strides. He grabbed Sirius by the arm and pulled him out of the room and down the hall. Before Sirius could even say a word, he found himself being dragged into the bathroom where Remus locked the door behind them, shoved him against the wall and claimed his mouth in a desperate and frenzied kiss.

Caught completely off guard, Sirius' brain didn't have time to protest or even comprehend what was going on, but his body certainly didn't mind. Especially when Remus' hips grinded against his own. Remus' hands were everywhere. In his hair, grabbing his hips, untucking and sliding under his shirt. Sirius moaned and let his head fall against the wall.

"Remus…" He sighed blissfully as Remus' lips pressed against his neck, sucking a bruise into his skin and their bodies rocked against each other with practiced ease.

"Sirius," Remus moaned against his skin, his fingers fumbling with Sirius belt. "Fuck, I need to…" he pressed his forehead against Sirius'. "I need to feel something, Sirius…"

Sirius' brain finally caught up and although he really didn't want to put this to a stop, Sirius had a feeling this wasn't proper funeral etiquette. "Remus… Remus wait. Stop."

Remus shook his head. "No, please, Sirius please… just... Just let me–" he pulled at Sirius' zipper making Sirius gasp and then groan in frustration.

"Moony, we can't do this here. Not now."

Remus let his head drop onto Sirius' shoulder and he whimpered. "Sirius… I…"

Sirius wrapped his arms around him, stroking his hair. "What, Moony? What is it? Please talk to me, Remus… I just want to help, alright?"

"I need to feel something, Sirius." Remus' voice trembled as he spoke, and he pressed himself against Sirius. "I-I feel so numb a-and empty and I just… please make me feel something." He kissed his way up Sirius' neck to his ear. "Please, Sirius."

And Merlin, how was he supposed to say no to that?

Sirius nodded before crushing his lips against Remus', his hands dropped down to undo Remus' belt. "Fuck, Moony… There's no silencing charm."

"Then be quiet," Remus replied before dropping to his knees.

—-

Hours after the house had finally emptied out, Sirius, James, Peter, and Lily had helped Remus and Lyall clean up. Lily pestered them both to be sure they ate and made another pot of tea for everyone. Then it was time for them to depart for school, including Sirius. Remus knew he should be grateful that his friends had been allowed to be there for him at all and especially that Sirius had been given permission to stay for as long as he had, but it didn't make saying goodbye any easier, even if it would only be another two days before he returned to school with them.

Remus had kept himself to his bedroom for most of the following day and Lyall, likewise, hadn't really left his study, both of them only emerging to head the kitchen to pick at leftovers. They didn't say much to each other. They didn't know what there was to be said.

That night Remus stood outside the door to his dad's study with a war raging inside his head. There was a question he had to ask and an answer he deserved to know and perhaps right now, in the midst of all that had happened, was not the right time for it but Remus wasn't sure there would ever be a right time.

Clenching a torn-out article from the Daily Prophet in one hand, he slowly raised the other and knocked on the door. "Dad?"

There was a brief pause and then, "Remus? Come in…"

Remus took a deep breath and opened the door, stepping into the room and closing it softly behind him. Lyall was sitting at his desk, clearly trying to keep himself busy but he looked up when Remus entered, eyes concerned.

"Are you alright, Remus? Sorry, I… I know I've been distant. I should probably be comforting you more, or… I just don't really know how–"

Remus shook his head. "No. No, it's fine. It's good actually. I…I sort of the same sort of coping style, I think," he laughed nervously. "Er… I had something I wanted to talk to you about. It's sort of important…"

Lyall frowned, but he rubbed at his tired eyes and motioned for Remus to come closer. "What's on your mind, son?"

Remus chewed on his bottom lip. He had phrased and rephrased the question a million times in his head, and nothing sounded right. There was no way to do it but to just say it outright. He was an adult, and this was his life and he deserved to know the truth. "Who is Fenrir Greyback?"

Lyalls face went white, and Remus' heightened senses could hear his heart rate speed up as he stared, jaw dropped at his son. "R-Remus…"

"Tell me the truth, Dad," Remus demanded, his voice soft but stern and leaving no room for argument. He wasn't going to back down. He threw the article down on to the desk in front of his father and watched the older man flinch when he saw the face of the monster, they both knew was responsible for all the pain and suffering their family had gone through. "I already know the truth. I want to hear it from you."

Lyall closed his eyes and sighed. "Remus, you have to understand–"

"I'M TRYING TO UNDERSTAND!" Remus snapped, slamming both hands down on the desk. "I'M TRYING TO UNDERSTAND WHY I AM THE WAY THAT I AM AND YOU KNOW! I KNOW YOU DO! I WANT TO KNOW THE TRUTH DAD! I DESERVE TO KNOW THE TRUTH! MUM WANTED ME TO KNOW!" Anger, along with every other emotion that he had kept inside for the entire week surged through him and the lights in the room flickered dangerously. Remus took another deep breath and clenched his jaw. "Who. Is. He? Any why was he after me?"

In all the years since Remus had been bitten and through all of the full moons and the mornings that followed where his father would bandage him up and assess the damage, he was capable of, how truly dangerous his son was, Remus had never seen his father look more afraid of him than he did just then.

"Remus… sit down." Lyall said briskly, running a hand through his graying hair.

Remus hesitated, but he slowly sank down into the chair across from his father.

"You're right, son. You deserve the truth and I'm sorry. I am so, so sorry for everything you've had to deal with in your life… And I'll tell you." He sighed. "I just want you to understand first that… that there are lies we tell our children sometimes, not because they don't deserve to know the truth, but because the truth was something they never deserved. I only ever wanted to protect you, Remus."

Remus nodded. "I know, dad. I understand, I do. But it's time… you can't protect me anymore. I'm not a child."

Lyall shook his head. "You'll always be my child, and I'll always try to protect you… but you're right. It is time…"

*gasp* Foreshadowing?

Yes, I'm aware this chapter is like 2 weeks late, sue me. I've been busy. Anyways, I'm going back to Friday Updates as when I start school I won't have classes on Fridays.