Signal For Help: Part Four (The Aftermath)

John?!

What happened to him?!

He's gray…

John Dory blearily blinked his eyes open, letting out a soft groan. He was so, so tired…

He lifted a heavy arm, rubbing at his face before aimlessly scanning his surroundings. Where was he? He couldn't remember… It was blurry at first, everything slowly coming into focus the longer he looked. He was… in Rhonda? Yes, he recognized the familiar setting now. He was sitting on the floor, propped up against the wall, pillows tucked at his sides and a blanket draped over his legs. But, how did he get in here? He'd been outside just moments ago, hadn't he? He'd been talking to…

His eyes shot open, his mind suddenly wide awake as flashes of vague memories shot through his head. The mirror, the lake, the staggering walk back, his brothers' scared voices, Branch's panicked face, the dizziness, everything going dark…

He'd passed out. In front of his brothers.

John Dory quickly sat up straighter, flinging the blanket from his legs and attempting to climb to his feet, thoughts racing. He had to find his brothers, he had to apologize… But as soon as he did so, his mind swirled so violently that he fell right back down, nearly slamming his head into the wall in the process. Ok, so no standing, apparently. His head wasn't as fuzzy as it was before, but clearly the fuzziness was still there. He gave himself a second for his brain to stop spinning and for the pounding in his ears to cease. Closing his eyes helped.

As the feeling slowly went away, he felt his ears prick up slightly, becoming aware of muffled voices outside. Icy dread began to creep through his veins, sending a chill up his spine. It was his brothers. He couldn't quite make out what they were saying, only a few snippets of their conversation…

"...happened to him? I don't understand…" That was Clay's voice.

"...should have known, how could I not have known…" And Bruce's.

"...going to do? I don't know how to help him…" And Floyd's.

John Dory felt his ears burning, shame welling up inside him so forcefully it was almost painful. Gosh, what did he do? Why did he come back here? This was a mistake; they sounded so upset…

Suddenly, a voice rose above the others, calm, but sharp. Branch.

"Guys, this isn't helping," his youngest brother said, pausing for a moment before continuing. "Look, take this, and go to my bunker. Grab everything on that list, then meet me back here. And for troll's sake, try to calm down, alright? He needs us." There was another pause and some mumbled dialogue that John Dory couldn't hear before Branch spoke up once more. "He just… needs some help right now. So go to my bunker, breathe for a second, then come back. I'll talk to him."

John Dory felt his body stiffen, the sounds of muffled conversation fading. Branch was going to talk to him? Fear flickered to life in his chest as he pulled his legs closer to himself. He really wanted to stand, do anything other than sit weakly on the floor. But he couldn't; his body refused to listen to him. His head turned slightly dizzy again, as if daring him to try it.

Suddenly, the hatch on Rhonda's side clicked, starting to swing open. John Dory instinctually drew himself away, his face curled into a panicked snarl as his hair bristled. He wasn't sure why he was acting like this… It felt like every single one of his nerves was frayed, like every one of his senses was on high alert. He shouldn't be so scared; it was just his little brother. He wasn't scared of his little brother, but he felt his body begin to shake nonetheless, tensing as if at any moment, he'd need to get up and bolt. He watched, frozen stiffly in place, as Branch slowly stepped inside, closing the door behind him with a deafening click.

John Dory waited for Branch to look at him, waited for the look of hatred and disgust he was sure he'd earned from his unacceptable behavior. He waited for his brother to yell at him, scream at him, tell him to leave and never come back. But he didn't. In fact, Branch didn't even look at him. Instead he walked over to the stove, slowly starting up a pot of water. John Dory's eyes followed his every move.

While the water heated up, Branch dug through the cabinets, pulling out John Dory's hot chocolate mug and the mug JD typically gave to Branch during their daily sunrise viewings. He then pulled out what looked like tea from his hair, grabbing two bags and setting them in the mugs as steam began to rise from the pot.

John Dory was… confused to say the least. His body was still rigid, still poised to leap to his feet if he needed to, but he could feel his heartbeat beginning to slow, his breaths becoming more even as he watched his brother methodically work. Soon enough, Branch poured the now warmed water into the mugs, an earthy scent beginning to waft through the air.

Was this… the silent treatment? Was Branch so angry at him, he couldn't even speak? But no, his brother didn't look angry. Disappointed then? No, that didn't make sense either. From the way Branch's ears dipped and the slight tenseness to his shoulders, John Dory would say he looked more… troubled. Like he was deep in thought. Branch said he was going to talk to him, so maybe he was just… waiting? But for what? John Dory didn't like the silence, his thoughts swirling so much he was starting to feel dizzy again…

Suddenly, he heard a small noise off to his side, jumping with a start as he was forcefully pulled out from his head. He locked eyes with Branch, who had just set the mug near John Dory's side, along with a bowl of troll nuts. His brother's face was unreadable, just staring at John Dory as tenseness flashed between them. Then, he let his gaze fall away, turning to sit at John Dory's side, cupping his tea in his hands. He leaned in, breathing in the steam, and let out a long, low sigh.

John Dory looked down at the items Branch had placed by him. His stomach churned at the sight of food, although whether it was from hunger or anxiety he wasn't sure. But the thought of eating right now made him nauseous, his mouth curling into a grimace. However, he did hesitantly grab the cup of tea, slowly bringing it up to his face. He copied his brother, taking in a deep breath, the warm steam tickling his nose, before letting it out. He felt the chill that had settled in his body ebb ever so slightly.

Branch was still quiet, eyes closed as he sipped his tea. And John Dory finally realized what he was waiting for. Him. He was waiting for him to speak. JD could feel his chest growing tighter already, a heavy feeling settling in his stomach. He didn't exactly trust himself to speak with his brother right now; especially considering how out of control he felt. Heck, he didn't even know if he could speak right now. His throat felt about as tight as his chest did.

However, John Dory couldn't stand the silence. He had to say something. He owed it to his brother to at least say something. So he set his tea off to the side, his eyes staring down at his feet as he took a shaky breath. He knew exactly how he was going to start.

"I'm sorry."

Branch perked up a bit, looking over at him. "For what?" he asked, his voice soft. Much softer than John Dory deserved.

John Dory grimaced, his jaw growing even more tight as his ears drooped. He weakly gestured to his pale, gray body, before his arm felt back limply to his side. He couldn't even bring himself to say it.

"For the gray?" Branch asked, the word causing John Dory to flinch. He brought his arms up, hugging himself as he continued to stare at the ground.

"For… everything," John Dory replied, a dismal sigh escaping his lips. His hands tightened around his shoulders, that chill beginning to crawl back into his body. "I tried, I just… No matter what I did, I couldn't make it stop. I failed…" His voice cracked slightly, and he stubbornly set his jaw. He wouldn't cry, not now.

"John, what are you talking about?" Branch asked, JD picking up on the hint of worry that had crawled into his voice. He felt his ears droop more, one of his hands reaching up to grab at his hair.

"I broke my promise," John Dory replied, guilt sitting heavy in his stomach. "I promised you I would stop running away. I promised I'd try to be more honest with you. I promised I'd try to be better. And I failed. I failed… so badly." He gritted his teeth, his grip growing tighter. "I was supposed to be getting better, but no matter what I did…" His voice trailed off, anger starting to burn in his chest.

Branch was quiet for a moment, as if he was trying to choose his words carefully. "You didn't break your promise," he said finally. "Not all of it at least. You promised you'd try, and you are. You didn't fail. You're struggling a bit, but you're still trying."

"It's not enough…" John Dory hissed through gritted teeth, barely above a whisper as his eyes clenched tight.

"John…"

"It's not enough!" The words ripped from his throat, raw and dripping with desperate frustration as he turned towards his younger brother. "Look at me, Branch! Look what I've become! I finally had this perfect, happy life, and I somehow managed to destroy it, again, just like I always do! I ruin everything I touch! I should be better, I'm supposed to be better, but I'm not! I'm just getting worse!"

John Dory pushed himself to his feet, ignoring the ominous swirling in his head as he began to pace. If he sat for any longer, he was sure he was going to explode.

"I can't keep doing this," he said, his voice growing slightly hysterical as he continued to have a deathgrip on his hair. "I can't keep doing the same crap, over and over again. I mean, I waltz back into your lives, expecting to be welcomed with open arms, as if I have any right to be after what I did." He barked out a laugh, his ears flicking at the harshness. "I just insert myself into your perfect worlds, ruin everything, and then run away again! Leaving you guys to deal with the mess I made! And then, when I'm falling to pieces, I come crawling back like a frickin' parasite, begging you to help me!"

He wanted to stop, wanted to slap his hands over his mutinous mouth and shut himself up for good. But he couldn't, the words continuing to spill out of him. He turned to look at his brother, eyes wild. "I'm toxic, Branch, I've always been toxic, and no matter how hard I or any of us try, that's never going to change. Just the same old John Dory, right? I can't fix something that's this broken; none of us can! I'm falling apart, and I just… I can't keep dragging you all down with me, I can't…"

John Dory bit his cheek, turning away from Branch's shocked face as shame welled up inside him, a breathy laugh escaping his lips. "Just now, I was thinking about leaving. Again. How messed up is that? That after everything we've been through, I thought about leaving again? I'm just like Dad…" His hands balled into fists. "I hated him, so much, and here I am, and I'm just like him. Doing the same thing. Except I don't even have a good excuse."

He looked back up at Branch, shoulders tight. "I just keep messing everything up. I messed up everything when we were kids, and now, I'm doing it again! I messed up the pod you built for me, I argued with Bruce, I took Floyd's happy day and made it all about me because I can't get over a stupid injury that happened YEARS ago, and oh yeah, I almost KILLED Clay! All because I can't keep myself from falling apart, over and over and over again. I just can't stop it! No matter what I do, I always end up failing, or making things worse, or hurting you guys, and I don't know what to do anymore!"

He clutched his hand against his chest, his voice becoming panicked. "I ruined everything! It's all my fault, all of it! I can't understand why any of you would want me around, not after everything I've done! It's not worth it, Branch! All this? It's not worth it. I'm not–" His voice broke, words catching in his throat. His head swirled violently, his vision flashing as he swayed forward. He was going to pass out again…

But before he could, he felt strong hands grip his shoulders, steadying him. He looked up to see Branch, his brother's eyes flashing with intensity.

"Breathe," Branch said firmly, not breaking his gaze. John Dory nodded, doing as he was told. He hadn't even realized how fast and shallow his breaths had become. He took a moment to try and slow them down, squeezing his eyes shut in the hopes to stop his head from spinning.

He felt Branch slowly pull him back down towards the ground, and John Dory let himself fall back against the wall, desperate for some stability amongst the swirling in his brain. Just as he thought; he was out of control. It was like his emotions were all spilling out of him, through the cracks in the facade he'd worked so hard to build. He couldn't hide them anymore; everything was out in the open now, as plain as the gray on his skin. And he hated that his little brother had to see him like this. He was supposed to be the oldest. He was supposed to be better than this.

He forced himself to take a few deep breaths before prying his eyes back open. "Sorry, Branch," he said, voice barely above a whisper. "I'm sorry, that… that wasn't supposed to happen."

Branch just looked at him. "I don't know. Maybe that needed to happen," he replied, understanding glinting in his eyes. "It sounds to me like you've been holding that in for a long, long time."

They were quiet for a moment, allowing for John Dory to catch his breath. After a minute or so, Branch spoke up again, grabbing John Dory's mug from where it was sitting on the floor.

"When's the last time you slept?" he asked quietly. "Eaten?"

John Dory grimaced, his ears drooping further as he began to massage his gloved hand. It was beginning to ache again.

Branch set his jaw tight, holding John Dory's still warm mug of tea out to him. "You don't think that has anything to do with how you're feeling right now?"

John Dory looked down at the tea his brother was offering him, guilt aching in his heart. Branch was being so kind to him… it didn't make sense. He didn't deserve it. "I don't understand," he said finally, looking back up at his brother. "How could you not hate me?"

Branch blinked in surprise, setting the mug back on the ground. "Hate you?" he asked, bewildered. "Why would you think that I would hate you?"

"How could you not?" John Dory replied, his voice shaking. "All I've ever done is screw your life up. I'm the reason we all broke apart. If I hadn't started that stupid band, if I had just been better, we could have been a family. We wouldn't have been separated for twenty years. You wouldn't have been alone." He grabbed at his hair again. "And now, I had the nerve to come ask you for help? Looking like this? Like I have any right to pretend my problems are anywhere near what you had to go through when you were just a kid. Out of everyone, you should hate me the most." He looked away, hating how small his voice sounded. "How could you possibly want me around after what I did? After I continuously let you down, over and over again? How could you not hate me?"

Something that looked like recognition seemed to flash across Branch's face, causing him to sit back a bit. "Huh…" he said quietly, his gaze falling down towards the floor. He was silent for a moment before speaking again. "Y'know, I once asked Poppy the exact same thing."

His brother must have noticed the confusion on John Dory's face, clearing his throat slightly. He took a breath before he continued. "When I'd first gotten my colors back, they were super bright. As bright as they were when I was a kid," he started, holding up his hands and looking down at them. "But after a while, they started to fade again, without any explanation. I thought I was doing something wrong, that I was reverting back to the same person I was before. And that scared me."

He got a far off look on his face, eyes sad. "I ended up hiding in my bunker, which looking back, really wasn't the best idea. But I was so afraid of what Poppy would say when she saw me losing my colors again. After everything we'd been through, I thought she'd be so disappointed in me. And when she barged in, demanding an explanation for my strange behavior, and saw the way my colors were fading, I broke down. I couldn't understand how she couldn't hate me. I thought I was failing her. "

"What did she say?" John Dory asked with wide eyes, voice breathy.

Branch's lips curled into a soft smile. He looked up at the ceiling, lost in the memory. "I'm not giving up on you," he said affectionately, before drawing his gaze back down to John Dory. "Even if you've given up on yourself."

Yeah, that definitely sounded like something Poppy would say. But it meant so much more, hearing it from his little brother.

Branch looked back at the ground, his eyes narrowing slightly. "I never hated you, John," he said slowly. "I was angry, and I was hurt, for a long, long time, and I still am sometimes, but I never hated you. Now that I've gotten to know you better, I feel like I understand so much more. That anger and hurt, they're healing, and I don't see you as the same troll I once did." Branch looked at him out of the corner of his eye. "You have changed, John Dory. You're the only one who doesn't seem to see that."

John Dory let out a dry scoff, pulling his gaze away from his brother.

"I'm serious," Branch insisted. "Look, I know you're in a bad place right now, but believe me when I say I do not hate you. None of us do."

"Branch, I tore our family apart," John Dory replied, hands clenching into fists.

"Yeah, you messed up, and it was bad." Branch's voice rose slightly. "But we were just kids, John. You were a kid. And all you've done since we've gotten back together is try to make up for it. That means something."

Branch leaned forward so he could meet John Dory's gaze. "You're the reason we all got back together in the first place," he continued, gesturing with his hands. "Because of you, we were able to save Floyd. Because of you, we got to meet Bruce's family. Because of you, we found Clay and Viva and the Putt Putt trolls. Because of you, we got the chance to try and be a family again. You continue to show up, to be there for us, for all of us, time and time again, and you think that doesn't mean anything? I mean, you forced yourself to stay in my bunker for how many days, just to make up for lost time. You are so stubbornly selfless, it's stupid."

Branch's face curled into a grimace, his ears drooping slightly. "And when I broke down, when I ran out and hid in that stupid cave all those weeks ago, you came to save me. You put your own fears aside, and you showed up. Because I needed you." Branch's eyes were intense, and John Dory was struggling to keep his gaze.

"Branch I…" John Dory started, shame welling up inside him. "I was thinking about leaving. You know how terrible that is? That I even considered that as an option?"

"But you didn't leave," Branch said firmly. "And that already proves to me how much you've changed. You chose to stay. That means something." He drew back a bit, fiddling with his hands. "At least, it means something to me." He was quiet for a moment before he continued. "What brought you back?"

John Dory let out a sigh. "I couldn't leave you," he mumbled, a jumble of different emotions swirling around inside his head. "Not again. I just, I couldn't do that to you. You guys are everything to me, and I… I just want you to be happy." He grimaced, feeling his body tense even more. "But I'm worried you can't be when I'm around."

Branch scanned his face, his own expression dropping. "Did you… think we wanted you to leave?" he asked in a small voice.

"No no, I…" John Dory trailed off, curling deeper in on himself. "I just thought it might be better that way. For you guys. And I thought maybe, if you saw me like this, you'd think the same." He gently rubbed the palm of his gloved hand, the motion sending tingles up his arm. "I… don't want to be alone anymore, but if that's the way it has to be, if I'm just messing everything up…" He looked up at Branch, his chest aching. "I don't want to ruin it again."

Branch got a strange look on his face, his eyes wide. Then, he seemed to swallow, regaining his composure. "John, you're our brother," he replied, his voice slightly shaky. "We would never just abandon you. Especially not now." He grabbed JD's gloved hand gently, holding it in his own. "Yeah, it hurts, seeing you like this and knowing you're struggling right now, but that doesn't mean we're just going to leave you to face this on your own. When you care about someone, it hurts sometimes. But in the end, it's all worth it. There's no greater gift than love." His face grew determined, his eyes flashing with intensity once more. "You need us right now, and I'm not leaving you."

John Dory's gaze fell to the ground. He couldn't help but feel the smallest hint of relief. At least one of his brothers wanted him to stay. He rubbed the back of his neck. "Branch–"

He was cut off as Branch leaned over, wrapping him in a huge hug. He hesitated for a moment, but then slowly hugged his brother back, reveling in the comfort of his brother's touch. He could feel himself starting to get choked up, but he stubbornly forced it down.

"Thank you for coming back," Branch said softly, his voice slightly muffled, but John Dory could hear the husky undertones, feel the shakiness in his brother's shoulders.

John Dory leaned in closer, cupping the smaller troll's head into his shoulder. "Of course," he replied, voice low. "I promised."