subjectives

by extenuatingcircumlocution

"In short, she hated him. She was comfortable around him. He was her nemesis, her biggest muse. She didn't want to be around him. She needed him. People without enemies simply wouldn't get it." In which Mikan and Natsume have been sworn enemies since kindergarten and she suffers immensely when he decides to join a study competition class just to get under her skin.

5. subject v: music or misanthropy

A/N: Hi! this was late to be updated because FFN was being annoying with the doc manager for a bit. I really appreciate the patience! Anyway I hope y'all enjoy this new chapter. If you haven't already, I recommend going to A/N on the AO3 version of this chapter, because I shared a link there for both a video about Aca Dec and also a playlist I made for the A Team's bus trips. They might be fun to check out.

Enjoy, my friends!

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Academic Decathlon Subject V: Music. Music Theory, Early 20th Century Music with Special Emphasis on Musical Responses to World War I.

Hyuuga Natsume Decathlon Subject V: Misanthropy. Ability to Scare Everyone Away and Insistence on Pushing People Away.

Academic Decathlon Regional Competition

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"Those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything." - George Bernard Shaw

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"B minor. Fuck off."

The ball flew across the room and Koko caught it effortlessly, grinning. "Actually, it's B major."

"What are you talking about?" Mochu asked. "It's B minor. I studied this yesterday!"

"No."

"Yes, it is!"

"We're gonna get such bad scores because of you," Koko said sadly, shaking his head.

Mochu crawled to his desk and then started flipping through his binder, knees still on the carpet as he searched. "Here. It says B minor. I fucking told you!"

Koko tossed the ball upwards and then caught it again, clicking his tongue. "I wonder if Narumi gave you an outdated version of the curriculum to mess with you."

"Shut up!"

"I'm so worried."

"You two!" Hotaru hissed from the corner she and the other Honors kids were sitting at. "Some of us are practicing subjectives over here. It's not exactly easy to focus with you screaming."

Mikan turned her attention back to her calculator, where Natsume was tapping the screen impatiently.

"Do you remember what you'd use this for?"

She bit her lip and stared hard at the screen, at the garbled formula there. "Uhhh… No, not really."

Natsume rolled his eyes for the tenth time in the hour since the after-school meeting started. "You don't know any of these formulas. Did you even study Math?"

"No," she answered. "And you know that already. Why'd you even ask?"

"I was hoping maybe you'd surprise me."

"Can you just tell me what it is?"

"No. You have to guess."

"Hey, if you guys are done flirting or threatening each other or whatever it is you're doing, can we focus?" Sumire asked from across the table. She looked unamused.

Somehow the team had split up into three groups seamlessly based on what subjects needed the most attention. Thus, Mochu and Koko were passing that stupid ball to each other across the room, quizzing each other on Music. The Honors kids were going through impromptu speech topics. And Mikan, Natsume, Sumire, and Tsubasa were making their way through a practice Math test together. It hadn't exactly been Mikan's idea. If it were up to her, she'd rather have chosen to join Hotaru's group or review a bit of Science for the fun of it, but Natsume had been adamant.

"Don't you wanna get at least one Math question right?" He'd simply ignored her when she had shrugged and answered, "Not really." And an hour later, she still had no idea how to answer any of the calculus questions.

"Exactly. Focus, Polka Dots."

Mikan resisted the urge to turn around in her seat and deck him for that nickname, instead glowering harder at the worksheet. "I don't know any of this."

"That's pretty obvious, Mikan," Tsubasa said sheepishly. "Maybe we should do something else."

"But I really need to study Math," Sumire protested.

"So does Polka Dots."

"There's no point in me studying Math," Mikan insisted. "How about we go over Lang Lit? Like, the themes."

"I have that down pat," Sumire argued, frowning.

"Yeah, I studied that enough with Ruka," Natsume agreed.

"You know Math enough too! It's not fair! I don't want to-"

"Glad to know you're still throwing tantrums like a toddler."

"I'm too tired to even talk back to you."

"What a relief."

Saying they'd been studying for an hour would be inaccurate. Mikan was incapable of answering any of the questions on her own, so Natsume was devoting his time going through each one step by step. Sumire struggled too, but much less, so it was safe to say it was entirely Mikan's fault that they had only managed to get to the fourth problem on the page in all this time. It was clear by now that Tsubasa and Permy were fed up with her. She just didn't get why Natsume wanted to study a subject he had no issues with.

"I think we should study Lang Lit," Tsubasa said with a nod that was a little too enthusiastic. "To be honest I haven't really touched the book at all."

"Me either," Mikan said, already in the middle of putting her calculator away. "I'm very concerned about that score, but I feel like if I really focused on it now, I might actually succeed…" She looked meaningfully up at Natsume, whose eyes were already narrowed. "If you're good at both subjects, it doesn't make a difference. You can still help."

"Hell no!" Sumire protested. "I really need to work on Math."

Natsume rolled his eyes. The eleventh time. "Ugh. Fine. Permy, you can call me tonight and I'll help you with Math." He switched out his own calculator for his copy of The Sun Also Rises.

"Okay," Permy reluctantly conceded, doing the same.

Mikan smiled victoriously, but there was something that made her want to drop it all. Did Natsume and Permy call each other often? Did they study a lot together like this? Natsume never called her. He rarely texted her and, when he did, it was usually a text to the entire group chat. It wasn't like she ever texted or called him, but what made Permy so different? Mikan flipped mindlessly through her book and, in an effort to steel herself, she asked herself why she even cared.

I don't.

"How was school today, honey?" her mother asked her over dinner that evening.

Mikan swallowed her soup before answering. "Great. The meet was fun. We're making great progress."

"I never would have believed our Mikan would join a club like that," Jii-chan said with a shake of his head as he ate his own soup. "I am very proud."

"We all are," her mom agreed with a grin. Her dad nodded with a smile, but Mikan knew he was still a bit hesitant about Natsume being on her team.

"Oh, right," Mikan said, sitting up straight. "I was supposed to ask if any of you guys could volunteer as judges for the regional competition."

"When is it?"

"It's on a Saturday, so not a work day."

"I would love to," Jii-chan volunteered.

"I would too!" Yuka clapped her hands together excitedly.

"Dad?"

"I can't make it. There's gonna be a meeting that day."

"That's okay," Mikan said, going back to her soup. "Two is more than enough volunteers."

"How is Hotaru doing, honey?" Yuka asked.

Mikan answered automatically, prattling about her best friend and then Iinchou and then Permy and then her brain turned off when she remembered that Natsume was supposed to help her with Math tonight. Were they already on the phone together?

Later, when Mikan was snuggled up in bed, eyes glazing over Hemingway's words under lamplight, the guilt hit her like an anvil on a Looney Tunes' character's head. Permy was her friend. Natsume was… something. Not quite an enemy anymore but she wouldn't call him a friend either. Permy had liked Natsume for a long time. If anything, now that she had seen that Natsume had a few positive traits, she should be helping them get together.

She shut her book with resolve. Natsume wasn't so bad. Permy could do worse.

Alice's Team A girls met with Nishi's Team A girls at the mall on Saturday. The plan was to find cute outfits to wear to the subjective competition. For Interview and Speech, business wear was a requirement, so acquiring a blazer and appropriate skirt was a must. The girls on Alice's team had all agreed that it would be fun to match, and then had the brilliant idea to invite Nishu as well, to make it an event. With the exception of Luna, of course.

After all, there were only three girls on the Alice team, one in each category, so the more the merrier.

They were all stuffed inside the store, looking over the multi-colored options for blouses.

"What were you guys thinking?" Anna asked, carding through pink tops. "We're a bit lost for ideas."

"I mean most of your team is girls, so I can see how it would be hard to come up with a theme," Permy mused.

"What do you think, Nishi?" Nonoko asked, turning to her teammates. "Should we try to have a theme? Maybe we each pick a different color blouse?"

"But Luna isn't here," Nobara spoke up, nervous. "What if she gets mad?"

"Serves her right," Wakako bit out bitterly. "I say we match! She crowned herself coach without even having a vote, and Persona just let her, so I say we match without her."

"Good point," Misaki said with a giggle. "I think I'll go with a simple white, since my hair color is kind of wild."

"I love it!"

"We should all match!" Permy said with a clap of her hands. "Listen, listen, we're all great friends anyway. This way, we maintain competitor solidarity."

Mikan's eyes kept flitting between Permy and the shirts on the rack in front of her. She hadn't moved in five minutes. "What do you think the boys are doing?"

"Who cares?" Hotaru said. "We'll tell them what we're doing and they can buy colorful shirts if they want to join in. That's their choice." Hotaru had already chosen a blouse some fifteen minutes ago, a purple deeper than the color of her eyes.

Most of the girls here had a solid idea of which color they wanted. Nonoko and Anna were going to wear each other's staple color, with the latter wearing deep blue and the former wearing baby pink. Wakako had settled on a classy gold, Misaki her white, Nobara a dusty blue, and Permy a shimmering emerald.

"What were you thinking, Sakura?" Permy asked. "You've been staring at that one t-shirt for a long time, and you can't exactly wear that for the competition."

"Right," Mikan agreed, snapping out of her haze.

"Oof, this would look great on you," Wakako was saying. "Your eyes and hair would contrast it nicely-" Mikan's face set fire when she glanced down at the shirt Wakako was holding up. Silky, light, collared, and a deep blood red. "What do you think?"

All the girls turned to look at Mikan.

"No." That came out harsher than she intended.

"Oh," Wakako's face fell. "I just thought it would look nice. Do you not want help?"

"No, that's not what I mean!" A big inhale. "It's just… I really can't stand red. I-I don't look good in it."

"Listen," Permy said, aggressively placing her hands on Mikan's shoulders. "I know you like bright childish colors and all, but your coloring looks really elegant in red, especially that shade. I think you should step outside your comfort zone instead of lying to us that you don't look good in it. We don't even have to put the shirt up to you to know that's BS. Isn't that right, girls?"

"You'd look so beautiful in red!" Anna said supportively, Nonoko nodding enthusiastically at her side.

"It would be a great color on you," Misaki agreed.

Wakako held the shirt up higher. "At least try it on?"

I'm glad you'll never wear red again because it looks terrible on you.

How was she supposed to explain her way out of this situation? "Well, you see, that color reminds me of Natsume, so-" That would make her seem obsessed. Or, "I don't like that color because it's Natsume's favorite color." That would also make her seem obsessed. "Natsume said he doesn't like that color on me." That one might spur some sympathy, but it made her seem even more obsessed! How was she supposed to get out of this?

"Oh, this shirt is so cute too," Nonoko said, running her fingers over a blouse with a polka dot pattern.

"Fine!" Mikan gave in, grabbing the shirt from Wakako's hands. In less than a minute she was leaving the dressing room stall, wearing red for the first time in years, but distinctly unhappy about it.

"Wow!"

"That looks great!"

"You have to admit, Mikan," Hotaru said. "The color does suit you."

She didn't have to admit anything. "I still don't like it."

"You haven't even seen yourself," Permy pointed out. "Just look in the mirror and you'll see-"

"I'm gonna find another color. Yellow or orange or something." She tucked herself back in the dressing room in a rush. She'd been pretty quick putting the horrid thing on so that she wouldn't have to see herself wearing it, but now that there was no mounting pressure outside, she let her eyes meet her mirror image.

She sighed. It was suddenly so clear to her why she used to like the color, why she'd chosen it for her dance dress all those years ago. Natsume had probably forgotten all about that dance, so maybe… He probably wouldn't even notice if she wore red for the subjectives competition, right?

You're not good enough for my favorite color.

Mikan ripped her gaze away and started hastily unbuttoning the shirt.

She had eventually settled on a spring yellow top. Pleasant, bright, and full of life. Nothing elegant or too striking, but that was overrated anyway. She'd rather look like herself, like a bolt of sunshine.

The girls all purchased matching black skirts and blazers and made sure to stock up on opaque black tights. The topic of shoes came up briefly, but the girls all had a pair at home in mind, so nobody bought any.

They closed off the "homework" part of their day with a trip to the mall food court, eating pizza around a table with their shopping bags on the floor.

"Anyone getting nervous?" Nobara asked over her margherita pizza.

"I never get nervous," Hotaru proclaimed.

"I'm a moment away from having a panic attack," Anna said despite the gleaming smile on her face. "If I think about the competition too hard, I'll faint, so I pretend like it's not happening."

"Same," Nonoko said with a nod. "I'm this close to rewriting my whole speech because each time I rehearse it, it sounds stupider."

"When I get nervous, I imagine Tsubasa doing his speech, and then I feel better," Misaki said.

"Have you heard Tsubasa's speech?" Mikan asked.

"Pfft. No. I just imagine his dumb voice and his stupid winking face and suddenly I realize that nothing I could do would make me more embarrassing than he is every moment of every day."

The girls giggled.

"I should do something like that too," Permy said through a snort.

Mikan glanced nervously at her friend. "What? Like, imagining Natsume?"

Permy raised an eyebrow. "Uh, no. I was thinking more like Koko. Koko's speech is truly horrendous. He has no chance of scoring higher than two hundred points."

"We all advised him to choose a new topic, but he was stubborn," Hotaru agreed.

Mikan didn't want to say anything else, ashamed that she was incapable of not bringing up Natsume every two seconds. Everyone was going to think she was obsessed or something.

The girls parted ways two hours after that, having scoured the mall and talked into oblivion. Permy had offered Mikan a ride home, and she'd accepted, but now she was second guessing her own choice. It was awkward.

Mikan remembered her epiphany shortly after Permy pulled out of the mall parking lot. Now was as good a time as any to probe the topic. "So…" she started, at the same time as Permy asked, "Are you okay?"

"Huh?"

"Are you okay? You've been quiet all day. A bit moody. It's not really like you to be so sullen."

"I'm fine!" Mikan said with a grin. "I'm honestly great. I appreciate your concern but I'm good."

"Okay… What were you going to say then?"

Mikan bit her lip for a beat before spitting it out. "So, are you and Natsume an item yet?"

The car became eerily silent, with the pop music on the radio even pausing for a moment as Permy drove through a tunnel. They emerged from it, the music resumed, and Permy snorted out a mean laugh.

"What? What did I say?"

"Are you perhaps jealous?" Permy asked, her eyes trained on the road but her mouth betraying her amusement.

"No!" What an offensive accusation. "I'm not jealous! It's just that I know you've liked him for a long time and he said he'd call you yesterday, so I was wondering if maybe you two are together now…"

Permy rolled her eyes but never glanced in Mikan's direction. "Sakura, Natsume-kun and I are friends. I've known him for years. That's why I know we'll never be 'an item'. Does he look like a god? Yes. Would I like to be the future Mrs. Hyuuga? Absolutely. But he's not interested in me that way."

"And you're okay with that?"

Permy giggled. "Is this your way of asking for my blessing?" She ignored Mikan's stuttering denials. "Because I don't mind if you date him. Just give me all possible details and I'll forgive you."

"Stop it. Gross. That'll never happen." Mikan crossed her arms and sunk into her seat.

"If you say so."

Mikan refocused her attention on Permy's self-satisfied profile. Seeing her friend smile created an echo of it on her own mouth. "I asked because I was thinking Natsume's maybe not so bad, so he could maybe deserve you. But if you know it's not to be, then…"

"Nobody deserves me." Permy's smile was wider now. "But thanks for thinking of me. Really, Sakura, though… I don't mind. If he's happy, whoever he wants to be with, I won't mind. Even if it's you."

It was now Mikan's turn to roll her eyes, but her smile never faded. "Thanks for that, but not a chance. Still, I think you're a good friend."

"I am."

Leading up to the subjectives competition, all of the after-school sessions were focused on speech practice, with some emphasis on interview or impromptu. Absolutely no objective work. That, according to Coach Narumi, could be done in between classes or before bed.

"I want you guys to be able to recite your speech in your sleep," he'd said. To help with that, he'd roped in the help of a few fellow Alice teachers to act as practice judges for the team. Though it was just practice, it felt like the real thing, following all the same protocol as if it were real.

Mikan was actually pretty comfortable about her speech, despite what Hotaru kept saying about her being lazy. She liked to practice her speech when she was taking a shower, washing dishes, running in PE, or dozing off in class. She knew it word-by-word, backward and forward, down to the second, down to each choreographed hand gesture.

Enemies inspire us, enemies motivate us. Maybe hatred can have as much of a positive effect on us as love.

At this point she knew Hotaru's and Iinchou's by heart too, and was getting there with Tsubasa's too. She wanted to hate Natsume's speech, but she could never sneer at the plight of cute little kittens. His was actually one of her favorite speeches to listen to, but she would never admit as much to him, especially since he didn't seem to like hers all that much (his eyes glazed over whenever it was her turn to perform).

The final practice session before the first weekend of the regional concluded with all the team performing their speech, called into the room privately, one by one in front of the teachers, just like they would for the real thing.

Before giving her speech, Mikan had been pacing all over the place, clicking her tongue and poking Hotaru in the shoulder incessantly. Afterward, she'd relaxed significantly and unwound by slurping at hot cup ramen.

Coach Narumi gathered them all for one last pep talk before they dispersed for the night.

"Guys, I'm so proud of you. You're all working so hard. The practice judges loved all your speeches-"

Permy hissed into Mikan's ear, "Except for Koko's, no doubt-"

"-so I feel confidently that you'll all do great tomorrow. Hold on to this victory, sleep with it, let it inspire you. Go home, kids. Eat a good dinner. Get a great night's sleep, and I'll see you tomorrow, ready to dominate, right?"

"Yeah!" they all agreed excitedly.

He pressed his hands together and dismissed them with a smile and a nod.

Mikan walked home with Iinchou and Hotaru, going over the itinerary for tomorrow.

"I don't know if I'll be able to sleep all that well," Iinchou worried as they walked. "I'm very nervous."

"Don't be," was Hotaru's valuable advice. She did not elaborate.

"We all did great, right?" Mikan said. "Coach Narumi said we'd dominate!"

"He says that every year."

"He's right every year."

Mikan was the first to part from the group, so she waved ecstatically and wished her friends a great night and many good luck wishes for tomorrow. They'd see each other again very early in the morning, and for that, rest was imperative.

As a means of showing their support, Izumi made Mikan's favorite food-stir fry with wonton soup-for dinner, Yuka made her hot chocolate before bed, and Jii-chan sang her a lullaby, something he hadn't done for a long time.

By the time she was alone in the dark, all possible fears about tomorrow felt miles away.

They felt a lot closer in the morning.

Mikan woke up to her alarm clock-and the Olivia Rodrigo song she'd made her alarm tone was suddenly the worst song in the whole world-with a refreshed anxiety. It was still dark outside, and Mikan got dressed in her formal business ensemble with a tangle in her throat and a burning in her gut.

"Jii-chan," she greeted when she finally got downstairs. "Do you have an antacid?"

"Don't be ridiculous, Mikan," Yuka said, slapping Jii-chan's hand away from the Tums he was reaching for. "Let me make you breakfast and you'll feel better."

Mikan made a face. Her mother was the only person in the family who couldn't be trusted in the kitchen. Of course, her parents and grandfather had insisted that she also couldn't be trusted, but that's because they lacked imagination.

"Oh, don't give me that look! I couldn't possibly ruin oatmeal."

She could. She'd put too little water and put it in the microwave for too long, so it came out way too sticky and goopy. Mikan ate with little complaint anyway, washing the disgusting gruel down with milk and wishing that she'd been allowed to take a Tums. Even the placebo effect of it all could have helped.

"Your grandfather and I will be there on time, don't worry. We'll take my car. Your dad's sorry again that he couldn't make it. He'll try to be in the audience for Super Quiz next week, alright?"

"It's okay. I get it."

When they were all ready and Mikan had packed her bag for the day, they set out, Yuka dropping Mikan off at the school so she could take the bus with the rest of her team. Somehow she was bizarrely early, the only one in front of the office except for Iinchou, who had showed up first to nobody's surprise.

Seeing Iinchou dressed in his suit simultaneously relaxed her and excited her. She ran over to him with a spring in her step, grabbing his arm for comfort. "Iinchou! I'm so glad to see you!"

"I'm going to get zero points on my speech," he said, voice strangely empty.

"Don't talk like that, Captain."

"I'm gonna get kicked off the team… I don't deserve to be your captain."

"You're the best at everything! Your speech is incredible!"

He groaned, and Mikan decided to change the subject. "Hotaru said she'd text you guys about our plan for the outfits-What did you guys end up doing?"

He gestured vaguely to himself. "More or less the same thing. We decided to just stick with the rest of the team." His shirt was a standard blue and it suited him. He looked like a salaryman heading to work.

"You look great."

"Thank you." That compliment seemed to snap him out of his anxiety. He looked meaningfully at her and smiled. "You look lovely. It will contrast greatly with the content of your speech."

"That was the idea!"

They sat on the steps to the building for a few minutes, discussing which subject would be the hardest to write an essay on, when Hotaru arrived, emerging from her mother's sleek black car, looking already like the fierce business woman/inventor she intended on becoming one day. "Mikan, you're already here," she said. "This is quite a shock."

"I'm gonna get zero points on my speech!" Iinchou exclaimed for the tenth time this morning.

Hotaru scoffed as she sat between her friends, a cup of coffee in her hands. "That's ridiculous. I'm not worried about you at all, Iinchou. I'm more concerned for Ruka-kun, if I'm being honest." Her eyebrow raised judgmentally when she spotted something in the distance. "Here he comes now."

Mikan looked up and saw Ruka-pyon, Permy, Tsubasa, Mochu, and Natsume all walking down the sidewalk towards them, dressed in various colors. Mikan bit back a groan. While Ruka-pyon looked dashing in his serene cerulean shirt-Tsubasa wore an elegant dark gray, and Mochu was decked out in peaceful green-Natsume was an eye-sore in blood red, the same color Mikan had rejected when shopping with the girls.

"Good thing you didn't get the red shirt, Mikan," Hotaru said, her voice clear. If Mikan didn't know better, she'd think Hotaru was just pointing out a fact, but she did know better, and could detect the hint of teasing in her tone.

"He's so full of himself," she muttered.

"Good morning," Ruka-pyon said when they caught up to them. "How are you guys doing?"

"I'm gonna get zero points on Speech, probably," Iinchou said again.

"That's what you kept saying last year!" Permy snapped. "And you got a practically perfect score. I don't wanna hear it."

It took another fifteen minutes for Coach Narumi to appear, another three for the bus to pull up to the curb, and then another ten for Koko to finally show up.

Mikan sat beside Hotaru on the bus, but since there were just the nine of them, they were all bunched close together. Koko had decided two minutes into the drive to break into song, disrupting Permy's plans to study Science on the way, and in no time at all they were all belting out the lyrics to every Bruno Mars song on his playlist. It might not have been the most productive use of their time, sure, but by their arrival, Iinchou had forgotten his anxiety, and they all felt that much closer. Mikan felt loose and spry in a way she hadn't when she woke up. No Tums required.

Even Natsume had sung along, albeit under his breath, especially to "Uptown Funk," though he probably didn't think anybody could tell.

As they walked away from the bus, Permy had entirely forgotten that she'd wanted to study, instead demanding that they listen to her playlist on the way back.

"No, mine!" Tsubasa had insisted.

Regional competition in Aca Dec was a big commotion. It took over two weekends: one Saturday for subjectives, one Saturday for objectives and Super Quiz. The subjectives competition was hosted at Kita High School. The next one would be at Azuma. They liked to switch things up in the name of fairness, but both schools were sizable and could accommodate the sheer demand for space and desks. The judges in the competition were all parents and teachers, volunteers from all over the region who were being trained now, probably, in their own room far away. That's probably where Mikan's mom and grandpa were this very second. They were the judges for Speech and Interview. After a certain point, they'd all eat cheeseburgers for lunch, provided by the sponsors of the event.

After Coach Narumi checked them in, he led them to the Kita multipurpose room, where many circular tables were set up, labeled with the respective schools. They found their table and all settled down, Mikan sitting herself between Iinchou and Tsubasa.

"Anybody miss breakfast?" Narumi asked, digging around in his large bag and pulling out granola bars. Koko's hand flew up.

"If you weren't busy eating breakfast then why were you late?" Permy admonished.

"Beauty rest," he teased, peeling back the wrapper of his granola bar.

Narumi continued to fish through his bag. "Alright everyone, here are your name tags. They tell you when and where your Interview and Speech tests will be. Mind the time. But in any case, it'll be after the Essay competition." He handed each teammate a name tag on a string to put around their necks.

Mikan examined hers.

SAKURA MIKAN

Alice High School

Interview: Rm. 402 1:15 p.m.

Speech: Rm. 212 1:45 p.m.

"Essay time is in about an hour, so you guys just study up and prepare until then. I'm gonna go dish with the other coaches, okay?" With a wink, he left the table.

Tsubasa immediately turned toward Mikan. "What time's your tests?"

Mikan held up her nametag and Tsubasa did the same. His were each respectively twenty minutes before hers.

"That should be plenty of time. You know, once it's done, it's done. By the end of today, a huge weight will be off our shoulders."

"That's true," Mikan said, grateful for his optimistic perspective.

"Which subject do you think you'll focus on for Essay?" he asked. "I'm definitely doing Social Studies, no question."

"Probably Science. That's what I've studied the most when it comes to Essay topics." The Essay competition provided one prompt from three subjects: Science, Social Science, and Lang Lit. If there was an Art prompt, Mikan would definitely be doing that, but sadly for her, the creators of this competition did not care about her strengths.

Mikan and Tsubasa chatted about possible Essay prompts for a moment, but the entire table turned solemn when an all-too familiar villain cast her shadow on them.

"Hello, Team Alice," Luna greeted with her signature fake smile. "You all look quite charming."

With dread, Mikan turned in her seat to face the Wicked Witch of Nishi. "Luna," she said. Nishi's team had purposefully collaborated on their outfits to leave Luna out, but that hadn't stopped her. She clashed with the rest of them, certainly, but nobody could claim she didn't look like a queen. She wore a white pencil skirt and blazer combination over a silky golden blouse, a black tie around her neck and black tights on her legs. Naturally, she was wearing impressive pumps too. Mikan couldn't really wear heels. She'd trip on her face. She was wearing flats.

"Wow," Luna said, running her eyes over Mikan. "Your friends did a great job making you over. You almost look like you could actually give a speech." She turned to the rest of the table. "I still think it's really nice of you guys to take her on your team. Really generous, considering how you guys lose to us each year. Most teams in your situation would fight tooth and nail to have nobody but the best among them, but that didn't stop you guys. No, you wanted to help Sakura-san, even if she's a lost cause. That's truly admirable."

The anger of the Alice team was almost palpable. Mikan flushed in shame, her chin ducking down so she wasn't making eye contact with Luna anymore.

"Who are you again?" Natsume asked.

Luna huffed impatiently. "Honestly, honey, you must have a shaky memory. I'm Koizumi Luna. I'm the captain of the Nishi team."

"So why are you here?" he continued. "If you're the captain of the Nishi team, shouldn't you be with your team, captaining them, like our captain is with our team, captaining us?"

Mikan looked up so she could gaze at Natsume. She'd previously decided she didn't hate Natsume anymore, but at this moment she could've sworn she even liked him. Insulting Luna while propping up Iinchou all at once? Pretty amazing.

Luna's lips thinned. "Okay. Want me to explain to you? Your team is huddled here, studying, because you're desperate and you don't stand a chance. My team is going to State regardless. We've already studied enough. If they need me over there to 'captain' them an extra hour, we would be a lost cause, like Sakura-san here."

"Luna," Hotaru said, voice low and dangerous. "Fuck off."

Mikan's eyes widened. Hotaru didn't often swear so blatantly. She usually knew how to be cruel without the help of cusses.

Luna just laughed. "I can see when I'm not welcome. Really, you guys, I just stopped by to wish you all good luck. You'll need it." She blew Natsume a kiss. "I find you in particular rather fascinating, Natsume-kun. I'll see you soon, okay?"

"What was your name again?"

She smiled wryly but turned on her pump heel and left to return to her team or spread chaos to some other team or whatever other crimes she liked to commit in her spare time.

"I do not get her," Tsubasa said, flipping through his flashcards. "Isn't it easier to just stay with her own team?"

"Ignore her," Hotaru said, unbothered. "Don't let her distract you."

Easy for her to say, Mikan thought, even as she pasted a smile on her face and turned back to her curriculum. It's not like Luna just tore her apart specially in front of everyone.

Just like she thought, Mikan ended up doing the Science prompt for the Essay competition. It all went as she expected really, from sitting at a benched desk squished among fellow decathletes to the anxiety-inducing ticking of the clock to the pacing proctor. The only deviation from expectation was before the test, when Iinchou gathered all of them in a huddle and in an uncharacteristic bout of leadership had them put their hands in for a cheer.

"I believe in you guys," he said sweetly. "Believe in yourselves too. We got this, team!"

Then they filtered into the room, Tsubasa whispering lowly, "He does realize we were all worried about his confidence, right?"

Mikan practically skipped from her Essay, even though she doubted she'd win a medal for it. Regardless of her performance, it made her feel good to see Iinchou come into his own as team captain, that he knew the perfect time to set aside his own hangups and be a leader. And Natsume had complimented him too. That was nice. Mikan always liked when people were nice to Iinchou. More people ought to be, she reckoned. She hadn't expected Natsume of all people to agree with her on that, though.

Some decathletes had their Interview and Speech early in the morning and their Essay in the afternoon. Mikan's team all had the opposite.

Lunch was cheeseburgers, fries, and soda served out of a food truck.

Mikan picked up her lunch, but not before stopping by to greet her mom and grandpa. They were both Speech judges and had been scoring Division III and II students all morning. Apparently, judging was pretty fun.

"I don't have any Alice kids, no," Yuka chided when Mikan asked. "But if I did, I'd give a fair scoring. I won't go easy just because it's your team-"

"I have an Alice student," Jii-chan announced. "Unlike your mother, I want your team to win so I will go easy on the scoring."

Mikan had no idea who Jii-chan could have because he forgot what the student's name on his itinerary was supposed to be, but she supposed she'd find out eventually. After hugging her family, she went to the truck, picked up her lunch, and then sat with her team to eat burgers.

Ruka had ordered a vegetarian option, so he got a grilled cheese instead. Mikan's team ate their burgers at their table, taking a well-deserved break from all the hustle and bustle to relax for a moment.

That didn't stop most of them from talking shop, discussing at length the Essay prompts and how everyone answered, while Permy helped touch up Mikan and Hotaru's makeup.

"I did not feel entirely confident, but I did the Lang Lit prompt," Mochu confessed. "Because I had no idea how to answer the other two."

"Speak for yourself," Permy replied. "The Social Science prompt was easy."

Their friends from Nishi-which was everyone on the Nishi team except their evil captain-stopped by mid-cheeseburgers to join the conversation. They all looked lovely, and though Mikan was glad to see her friends so confident, she also envied the inevitable high scores they were bound to get.

The first to take off for Speech was Koko, and Hotaru took off shortly after for her Interview. At around the same time, the multipurpose room cleared up quite a bit since the afternoon Essay was taking place.

In no time at all, Tsubasa was standing up resignedly. "Alright, kouhai, wanna walk me to my Interview?"

Mikan nodded brightly, but a knot in her gut reminded her that if Tsubasa was heading to his Interview, then hers would come shortly after.

She practiced some questions with him as they wandered the Kita campus together looking for his classroom. Who is your biggest inspiration? What kind of impact do you want to make on the world? Or the simple but devastating, Tell us a bit about yourself.

Tsubasa dripped charisma, so he answered them all effortlessly, like he did every time they practiced Interview before. He also had a perfect handshake, so by the time Mikan dropped him at the correct door, she wasn't worried about him at all, and he didn't seem all that worried either.

"Listen, Mikan, I know you're a bit freaked out that you have your Interview soon, but you'll rock it, okay?" Ah, so this whole thing had been to psych her up, not him. "Just pretend like these people aren't judges-they're people you wanna be friends with, people you wanna make a good impression on."

Mikan nodded. "Yes, I will. Thank you, senpai." She glanced at the door. There was a kid waiting outside on the chair, his foot tapping nervously against the linoleum tile of the hallway. After the interviewee inside finished up, then this kid would go in, and then it would be Tsubasa's turn. "You're not nervous at all?"

He shrugged. "Nah, I'm confident in this. Speech and Interview are the easy subjects for me. I'm aiming to get gold."

"I'm sure you'll get it!"

"Thanks," he said with a grin. He held his hand up, as if to ruffle her hair, before seemingly thinking better of it and dropping it again. Better that way, since she couldn't go into an Interview with messy hair.

The door opened and a kid walked out. Tsubasa exhaled and then began to do stretches, like he was preparing for a sprint.

"Hageta Harry?" a judge called, propping the door open for Harry to enter.

"I wish you the best of luck," Tsubasa said to her.

"I wish you the best of luck too," she replied.

The next couple of minutes were tense, but eventually Harry walked back out, exhaling shakily. It was Tsubasa's turn, imminently.

"Okay," he whispered to himself. He turned and Mikan gasped as he hugged her. "We'll both do great," he said, but it somehow felt like a promise.

He pulled away just as the judge called for "Andou Tsubasa?" and then Tsubasa was winking before disappearing into the classroom.

Mikan waited for him, touched at the hug and how it had banished her anxiety, if only for a moment. Hopefully, if it came back before it was her turn, he'd be willing to dish out another hug.

"Waiting for your Interview?" a familiar voice asked from behind her.

Mikan spun around to see Natsume, wearing his fancy red shirt and sleek black suit. "No, I'm waiting for Tsubasa-senpai."

"Asshat'll do fine."

"Are you waiting for him too?"

Natsume pointed to the classroom next door. "I have an Interview in about a minute."

Mikan glanced at the door he'd pointed to and tried to think of something to say. She didn't hate him anymore, so was she supposed to support him? Wish him good luck? Hug him like Tsubasa had hugged her? No… no way, that would be dumb.

At a loss for words, she decided to change the subject. "I like what you said to Luna. That was really cool of you. I like when people stick up for Iinchou."

"Why do you let her do that?" Natsume asked.

"Huh?"

"She says the nastiest shit to you and you just take it. You clam up. It doesn't make any sense. I call you Polka Dots and you burn down the school, but that bitch tears you apart and you just keep your chin down. It doesn't make sense."

"You don't get it-"

"No, I don't. You're like a completely different person with her. It's not you."

Mikan remembered the shame from Luna's confrontation. He was right. Luna bothered her, not just because of the things she said, but because of how much it got to her. For some reason, when Luna taunted her, it all felt personal and real, much worse than anything Natsume could say or do. Mikan used to joke that Natsume was the worst person on the planet, but Luna deserved that title better than anyone.

"Hyuuga Natsume?" a judge called out.

Natsume raised his stupidly short eyebrows in an "oh, well" gesture and turned to take his Interview.

"Good luck," Mikan said before she could overthink it.

Natsume turned back to her, wearing a smile just like the one he'd had on leaving her dad's barbecue. A real smile. "Thanks." Then he was behind the door and Mikan was back to waiting, her heart thrumming wildly. Yeah, the anxiety was back. She'd definitely need another Tsubasa hug.

Mikan's Interview actually went really great.

"Tell us a bit about yourself," had come as expected, but Mikan had been ready, introducing herself flawlessly: "I'm Sakura Mikan, in my third year of high school. I'm very into sports but this year I'm focused more on school and on this competition. I am bubbly, hard-working, and I love to cheer my friends on." Nothing the judges threw at her fazed her. She felt invincible.

She gave Tsubasa his credit when she left the room, of course, because he'd been more than obliging about giving her another hug. They'd gone on to find her Interview room right after he'd finished his, so Mikan didn't get to see Natsume, but she was sure he did amazing. For some reason, she was the only person not under his spell, so she knew he'd charmed the judges.

Speech also went without any huge hiccups.

Well, her prepared speech, anyway. The impromptu was bound to be tricky since she only had a couple minutes to choose a prompt and plan an entire second speech. She felt a lot less comfortable about Which fictional world would you like to live in and why? than the topic of enemies. In the end, she'd "uhh"ed and "umm"ed her way through a couple minutes of a ramble that somewhat described Wonderland. The worst part was when she got caught up in a silence that stretched for far too long before she regained her thoughts and then panic-jumped into a rushed conclusion about cats with huge grins and painted roses.

She left the room with a wince on her face, but before she could groan in despair, Tsubasa had scooped her up and swung her around. "You did it!" he yelled out. "You finished your subjectives!"

Any complaints she'd been about to make died off right away. She wrapped her arms around her senpai and laughed. "We're done!" she squealed. He spun her again.

Even when he put her down, he kept laughing and reminding her. They raced each other back to their table in the multipurpose room, declaring over and over again that they were finished.

"We're done! We're done! We're done!"

But the smiles and laughter petered away at the sight of Natsume rubbing Ruka-pyon's back in a consoling gesture. The rest of the present team was circled around Ruka, eyebrows sympathetic, showering him with comfort.

"It's okay, honestly, I stumbled a bit too," Permy was telling him, grasping his hand tightly.

"What happened?" Mikan asked as she sat down.

"Ruka-kun froze up during his speech," Mochu whispered.

"I forgot everything…" Ruka said. He wasn't crying now, but his eyes were red and Mikan suspected he'd been crying until recently. "I don't know what happened. I know it now. I knew it half an hour ago. I knew it for weeks. But for some reason, it really clicked that I was in front of three strangers, delivering a speech, and then I started feeling stupid and then none of the words were coming out of my mouth and my brain got wiped of all intelligent thought."

"Oh, Ruka-kun, it's okay." Coach Narumi pulled a granola bar out of his bag and offered it to Ruka. "It's just one score. I'm sure you did great on the impromptu to balance it out."

With that, Ruka's head collided with the table. Natsume's hand never stopped rubbing his back.

Seemingly out of the blue, Hotaru appeared behind Ruka. Perhaps she had just returned from her own Speech or Interview. Mikan knew better than to ask her how she did. Knowing her best friend, she'd probably scored perfectly on both. "Ruka-kun," Hotaru said, her voice authoritative and intimidating like always, despite its sweet high pitch. "Did you finish?"

Ruka groaned.

"Did you?"

"Yes," he grit out finally. "But it took me longer than it should have-"

"Did you finish within the time limit?"

"Yes, but-"

"Did you do the impromptu?"

"Yes-"

"On time?"

"Yes!"

"Then it should be fine." Hotaru took her seat among her team and shrugged. "Let's be honest, your speech was never going to get a gold with a topic like animal testing, so I don't see why you're so torn up about this."

Natsume's eyes narrowed at her, but Ruka's head slowly came back up. "It's not a big deal," he said. "You're right."

"That's not what I said."

"I did great on Essay and I killed Interview, so I'll be fine."

Hotaru just shrugged and everyone at the table sighed in relief at a crisis averted.

The afternoon wrapped up, and soon enough Tsubasa could get the whole table to exclaim "We're done!" (Well, he could, but not everyone actually did.)

On their walk back to the bus, Natsume tapped Mikan on the shoulder. She blinked at him in question. Talking to him was dangerous, and she still hadn't gotten her heart to fully calm down after he'd ambushed her with his smile.

"Your grandpa was one of my Speech judges," he said.

"Oh…"

"He pretended not to recognize me, so I played along, but tell him I say hi."

"If you get a good score on Speech, it's just because he promised to go easy on Alice kids," Mikan teased. "Not because your Speech was actually any good."

"Of course not," he replied easily. Actually, the presence of randomized three judges prevented undue favoritism by a lot, but they both already knew that. "It's cool he volunteered."

"Did your dad volunteer?"

"No, he's too busy working. Turns out making stupid paintings for a living doesn't really pay all that well, so he has to work morning shifts at a dumb restaurant."

"You're really mean about your dad."

"He cursed me to a life of poverty, so…" He shrugged. Mikan still didn't get why he talked about his dad like that, since he'd been so sweet when she'd met him. Maybe it was just an inside joke? She was sure Natsume cared in his own way. Still, it seemed he made a habit of being nasty to people, almost like he just wanted to be left alone. She was lost in thought, so busy staring at his face, trying to figure him out, that she didn't fully realize he was staring back. "I like the color of your shirt," he said.

That was familiar. If he'd said this two months ago, Mikan would have run home and thrown out every article of yellow clothing she had in her closet. She would've made it a rule to never wear that color again, to wipe it from her life, sunshine or no.

But he smiled as he said it this time, eyes soft and earnest. Instead of revolting and arguing and screaming, Mikan just smiled back.

Next weekend was the second part of the Regional competition. Both teams would be present to take the series of tests, and then the competition would conclude with a high pressure Super Quiz.

This time, the bus was more full, with double the number of decathletes on board. The singing was proportionately more intense. Koko started the trip off with his playlist from last time, only to be cut off by Tsubasa playing his pop punk favorites, Sumire interceding with a girl power anthem, only for all of them to be stopped in their tracks when Hotaru began passive-aggressively playing the Music curriculum songs.

"You all have far too low Music scores to be listening to anything except the curriculum selections," she said matter-of-factly when Koko and Mochu groaned loudly at the crackly quality tunes.

They made it to Azuma with a mish-mash of music stuck in their heads. Mikan's brain was a mess of Simple Plan and Fifth Harmony and a looooooong way to Tipperary. Mikan hoped these psych-up bops would not distract her by the time the Music test came around. She'd need all the help she could get.

Just like last week, the teams were all gathered in a crowded multipurpose room. This time, however, the decathletes were donning hoodies and t-shirts and letterman jackets instead of sleek business formal. Alice High got two tables, one for each team. Coach Narumi had them pushed close together so the kids could all study together. In a matter of minutes, the tables became crowded with flying papers, highlighters, binders, flash cards, and calculators.

Mikan sat herself next to Natsume on accident. She genuinely had no memory how that had happened, but he seemed unbothered. After checking his own calculator, he turned and grabbed hers, checking her formulas. That would be nice of him, but Mikan only thought wryly to herself that it was useless to even try-her Math score was destined to suck.

Once again, Nishi stopped by to wish the Alice team good luck, and Luna kept her distance for once, though Mikan wasn't holding her breath that the witch would be able to resist the whole day. The Nishi team were all done up in pristine white sweaters, just like every year, apparently. Even their coach, scary Persona, who was usually dripping in black, was stark white today. Meanwhile, Alice was wearing black t-shirts and bright yellow hoodies. Mikan was relieved to be comfortable for once.

"Anyone miss breakfast today?" Narumi asked.

This time, almost everyone raised their hands. Mikan definitely had eaten breakfast, but-again-calling what her mother cooked "food" was a bit generous. There was no nutritional value in the rubbery scrambled eggs Mikan had forced down this morning. A granola bar would give her some much needed energy. Considering how much focus and energy all these back-to-back tests would take, it made sense that her whole class seemed to agree.

Mikan was flicking through the official cram kit for Music, Hotaru's scolding still echoing, when Narumi clapped his hands together as he was prone to doing when he wanted everyone's attention.

"Guys-it's time for the first test-" He was interrupted by a series of whines, winces, and moans. "Don't be like that! We have all studied so hard! Just believe in yourselves! You'll all do great!" He turned to Iinchou, just like he always did whenever he wanted to pass his job onto someone else. "Any last words before we march into battle like the troops that stormed the beaches of Normandy?"

"That was the Second World War," Hotaru corrected.

"Okay," Iinchou said, standing up straight. His face calmed and suddenly he seemed to tower over them, eyes confident, jaw strong, shoulders steady. "We were chosen to be here, all of us, because we're the best for this competition. B Team, you guys are gonna kill it. You've spent so much time on these subjects. I know you'll all do great. I'm not concerned. A Team, one more day, and then we're done with Regionals. But-I'm not ready for our tour to end here. I want to keep going. Who's with me?"

The class only hesitated for a moment before Koko screamed a battlecry and then all the kids were throwing their hands in-with the exception of Hotaru, who looked more bored than anything, and Natsume, whose hand Ruka had to drag to the center-to complete their huddle.

The testing room was huge. It acted as a gymnasium during school hours but for now it was crowded with lines of desks and chairs, each chair with a label on the back.

Though the second teams of each school that had one were all near the front, the A Team members were scattered across the room, none of them sitting by each other, probably to prevent cheating. Mikan had never had any intention of cheating but being away from her friends felt unnerving. Last year, she'd been on the B Team and had sat next to Tsubasa as she took her test. At Scrimmage, she had Natsume beside her, and even though they weren't besties or anything, his presence had made her feel a lot more comfortable. This time she'd be seated beside strangers.

She found her chair, but didn't sit yet. She wanted to locate all of her teammates first so that she could at least look at them during moments of despair. None of her teammates were wearing their yellow hoodies in the gym. They weren't allowed to bring in articles of clothing like that, so they were trickier to find. Lots of black t-shirts in the room. Mochu, found. Ruka… spotted. Iinchou… Hotaru… Natsume…

"Hey."

Spotted!

"Natsume," Mikan said. He was wearing dark jeans and converse and Mikan remembered Permy's genius commentary from the morning of Scrimmage-that he was beautiful in an effortless kind of way. She kinda got what she was talking about now. Not that he deserved to ever hear it.

"I fixed the formulas in your calculator. You shouldn't have any issues."

"Natsume," Mikan groaned, rolling her eyes. "I never study Math! I know I'm gonna get like zero points."

He made a face. "Why? It's not like it's hard."

"To you! You'll probably get a perfect score."

"It's not like I'm expecting you to be some math genius now. But I did help you a bit, right? Just remember something and I'll be happy."

I'll be happy. Mikan did not examine at all why that suddenly appealed to her, because she was too busy rewinding through all her studying sessions with Natsume where he droned on about Calculus. Nothing stood out except the memories of looking at him and sitting near him. What he was actually saying was muted. Dang it.

"I wouldn't hold my breath," she warned.

He breathed out a derisive laugh through his nostrils. "Alright. I guess I'll see you later."

She watched him until he sat at a seat all the way on the other side of the room, near the back. That was so unfair. Now, if she turned around in the middle of the test to look for him, she'd seem like she was cheating or trying to communicate.

She located the rest of her team and memorized their seats. Iinchou was closest, two rows of tables (and thus six decathletes apart) away from her. He was her first line of defense if she got anxious. Not a bad pick, she decided. He's captain and he believes in me, in all of us. That should be sufficient. Looking at Hotaru would usually be a source of strength, but with this particular situation, it would be hard to associate her with anything but disdainful scolding.

Iinchou would have to do.

With that, Mikan took her seat. Moments later, someone sat beside her. She recognized the white sweater, the black lettering, the kanji for Nishi on the arm. Mikan hiccuped in fright, nervous to see Luna to her right-

It was Misaki.

"Hey, Mikan!" she greeted cheerfully, her bright pinkish-red hair shiny under the fluorescent lights. "You ready for this?"

Mikan shrugged, hiding her ceaseless relief that she was not sitting beside a witch for the entire day. "Meh. I'm not so great at Math."

"I'm okay at it. I'm way better at Art. That's what I studied the most."

"Hey, me too!"

"We'll both kill it," Misaki said with confidence, smiling. She was so cool. Mikan understood perfectly what Tsubasa saw in her.

"Did you say hi to Tsubasa yet?" Mikan asked, ready to play the part of wingwoman. "He was really looking forward to seeing you today."

"Yeah," Misaki waved a dismissive hand. "He texts me all the time. I mean, we talk every day and then we see each other at an event like this and he says, 'Been a while.' What a weirdo."

Mikan held back the urge to scream, "Because he likes you, dummy!" but that wouldn't accomplish anything. Besides, it seemed like Misaki might already know, since her smile was fond and her eyes were soft.

"Maybe he just wants to talk to you even more?"

"Probably!" A tiny snort. "Anyway, what did y'all get up to on the trip here? Aca Dec is fun and all, but the bus trip to it is where all the big bonding happens, in my opinion."

"We were all singing and listening to music, mostly. Permy put mascara on me for no reason."

"Yeah, I noticed. It looks cute!"

"Thank you."

"West gets breakfast together at a fast food place whenever we go anywhere as a team. Scrimmage, subjectives, and today. This time it was Taco Bell. We had so much fun. Yeah, we had to get up a bit earlier than we otherwise would, but it's worth it."

"Does Persona really… not let you guys eat unless you get a certain score?"

Misaki furrowed her eyebrows and opened her mouth to reply, but before she could speak, a woman at the front cleared her throat into a microphone and began speaking.

"Hello, hello! To all regional decathletes, competing and junior teams-welcome!" Mikan moved her attention to the front but quickly zoned out of the woman's introduction and instructions.

The first test was Math, and she already knew she'd bomb it. It was the one test she wasn't even bothering in. That had been decided way back in the summer. It had been decided the day she was born.

Until the test were passed out, complete with scantrons, and the words "Mathematics Test Booklet" were in front of her.

Just remember something and I'll be happy.

Pfft. He was never happy. He'd probably only be happy alone in his mysterious room, away from all humans, making his gorgeous ceramics and doing math problems like a nerd, and even then, he probably wouldn't be smiling all that much.

But Mikan's brain was going to a fantasy land where she opened the booklet and experienced detailed flashbacks of all the studying she'd ever done with Natsume in Math. It all came flooding back-formulas and numbers and symbols and graphs-all making perfect sense like they never had before. In a matter of minutes, she'd finish and have the utmost confidence she got them all right.

"Hello, Natsume," she'd say to him afterwards. "I got a perfect score, just so you know."

And then Natsume would smile that real, genuine, nice smile and say-

"You got this," Misaki hissed under her breath, knocking her harshly out of the unrealistic fantasy land.

"Thanks! You too!" she whispered back, just before the woman at the front told them to begin.

All at once there was the fluttering sound of everyone's booklets flipping open, and pencils starting to scratch, the buttons on calculators being fervently pushed.

Mikan huffed an exhale of disappointment. No detailed flashbacks. No perfect understanding. The problems in front of her were elusive and mysterious and there was no chance she'd be able to brag to Natsume she got a perfect score.

Instead, she went through and filled in all the ones she knew-not much-which was mainly fundamental. Even with all that, she'd only answered three questions out of thirty-five.

Mikan looked at her scantron and made up a system. For all the ones she kinda understood but still didn't know how to solve, A. For the ones where she had a basis to go off of but the answer she got wasn't one of the choices, she'd put B. If there was ever an "all of the above option," she'd select D. For the ones she was entirely lost on, she'd put C.

C, C, C, D, C, C, C, C-

Mikan paused for a moment. This question looked vaguely familiar, like something she'd seen before.

I'll make sure even someone as stupid as you can understand.

Natsume had mentioned this kind of problem that day. She'd even been able to do part of it. Mikan fidgeted with her calculator, looking at the formulas Natsume had filled in for her. The third one looked right…

She scribbled on her booklet, then entered numbers into her calculator, and then, after much effort-there was a final number. She checked the options on the test, feeling skeptical. But there it was-the number she got. B was a match!

Wow, Polka Dots.

With a grin, she filled in B for number 17, memorizing the details of this moment so she could share it with Natsume later. Feeling much more confident now, Mikan continued her test.

C, C, C, C, D, C…

Econ and Social Science came next, and Mikan felt so-so on them. Econ was a bit mysterious to her, because it was full of rules she didn't fully understand, even though Hotaru insisted it was "perfectly logical" and the "purest form of human desire." Social Science was fine, but it was jam-packed full of details she couldn't make herself remember.

When the group was dismissed for a lunch break, Mikan turned in her chair to say good-bye to Misaki before sprinting across the gym to catch Natsume before he went anywhere.

"Guess what!" she said, grabbing his arm just as he was standing up from his chair.

"What?"

"I got number 17 right," she bragged. "On the Math test."

He smiled. "Good."

That smile had some hidden evil powers or something because suddenly Mikan was grinning and her mind was spinning.

"It was pretty easy, right?"

He shrugged. "That was A, right?"

Her smile froze. "Huh?"

"A."

"Nope, it was B!"

Natsume rolled his eyes. "B was the misleading answer. There's one more step, so it would be A-"

Now Mikan remembered that problem she got right studying with Natsume… she actually hadn't gotten it right. There was more to the question she'd forgotten…

"It wasn't B? You're sure?"

"I'm pretty sure."

Mikan's grin faded into obscurity. And she'd been so proud. Then Natsume's fingers were pulling on her cheek.

"You remembered something." His smile was still there.

"You're still happy with me?"

He nodded.

The grin came back in full force. "Oh, cool!" Together they started heading back to where Narumi was waiting for them, at their team tables. "Now it's your turn next! You have Art coming up! If you remember something, I will be happy."

He snorted. "That's all I want," he said mockingly, but Mikan didn't care.

Narumi was waiting for both teams with their sandwiches already, since they'd filled in their orders in advance. He asked how the first three tests went once everyone was seated and a full-and mixed-report was given.

Mikan ate her sandwich, blissfully happy despite not doing all that great on any of the tests she'd taken so far. When she was done, she excused herself to the bathroom.

The ladies room half an hour into break was significantly less crowded than it probably was right after dismissal. Mikan was relieved to get a stall without having to wait in line.

She was washing her hands when another stall opened and a familiar white Nishi sweater appeared beside her at the sinks. This time, she wasn't so lucky to see Misaki beside her. Luna, with her perfect strawberry blonde hair in a cute ponytail, dainty manicure on her pretty hands.

"Sakura-san," Luna said with a bright smile. "Just the person I was looking for!"

Mikan gulped nervously, forgetting about the water running hot over her hands.

"You're on the same team as Hyuuga Natsume, right?"

She nodded dumbly.

"I still think that's so cool," Luna said, turning her sink on to wash her hands. "To have so much intellectual diversity on the team-very impressive."

Self conscious, Mikan gave herself another two pumps of liquid soap.

"So, listen. I was wondering… Do you know if he has a girlfriend?"

Her tongue was bizarrely dry. She just shook her head instead.

"Do you know if he likes anyone?"

Not you.

Mikan shrugged.

Luna sighed. "You're no help. Honestly, Sakura-san, us girls should stick together. I'm asking as a friend. You don't have to be so catty." Mikan unwillingly let out an affronted sound that resembled a squeal. "I've actually always wanted to be your friend, Sakura-san. This is me reaching out. Can't you tell me what kind of things he likes, at least?"

Friend?

"Sakura-san!" Luna's voice took on a concerned edge. "Your hands are red from all that rubbing. I think you can dry them now."

Mikan did as she was told, finally removing her hands from the hot water and ripping off three sheets of paper towels from the dispenser. This conversation seemed out of nowhere. Luna was toying with her. She had to be.

"Natsume doesn't like you, Luna," Mikan said. "I think he made that pretty clear already."

Luna bit her lip and then giggled girlishly. "Aw, sweetie! Are you jealous?"

This was the second time this year that Mikan had been accused of being jealous after being laughed at. This time, though, the question seemed condescending. "What, no-"

"Sakura-san, I get it. He's a high-scorer on your team, a fellow Varsity. And he's really cute… But let's be realistic. Do you really think he'd like you? I mean, your scores are… well, they're just not as good. I think it's super sweet that you have a crush on him, though. Aw!"

"Natsume doesn't-He doesn't care about stuff like that-" Natsume had told her he wouldn't even want to be on A Team if she wasn't on it. He joined this stupid class for her!

"I'm not calling him shallow!" Luna said, hands up defensively. She was an expert at this, Mikan noticed, at pretending to be nice. If Mikan was a stupider person, she might actually fall for it. "But for those of us who care about Aca Dec, the scores make a difference. We both know you didn't earn your place on the team through scores. Your classmate Nendo Kaoru got way better scores than you at Scrimmage and he didn't make it. Just feels off, right? I'm not accusing you of anything, of course, but I'm sure it led to some talk, you getting a spot on the team that some people might feel like you don't deserve."

The Scrimmage scores had been made available to everyone who'd attended. Scores weren't really something kept secret on a competition level. But it was still pretty shocking that Luna had apparently studied the Alice scores and memorized the names of students she'd never met, just to demean Mikan in the bathroom during lunch.

A group of girls walked into the bathrooms but were laughing too hard together to be bothered by the hostility of Mikan and Luna's conversation. She was still on her own.

"Sakura-san, I wanna be friends. But your toxic behavior is a bit too much for me. I was just asking some questions. You're way too jealous and possessive. Maybe we can talk again later, okay?" Luna patted Mikan on the shoulder, her hands cold even through the t-shirt fabric, and then walked out of the room.

Mikan wiped at the tears welling in her eyes with hot and red and ashamed hands. Releasing a long-suffering sniffle, she rushed back to the sinks to splash water on her face.

She was back to her team a few minutes after that, glancing nervously in Kaoru's direction. He deserved to be on A Team way more than she did. How had she done it, then? How did she undermine one of the smarter kids in class and steal his spot like that? How come an idiot like her managed to get on the team when the scores should've spoken for themselves?

Kaoru probably hated her.

Insecure, Mikan quickly took her spot beside Natsume. She pressed her arm against his. He was wearing the yellow hoodie again, but she could tell he was warm. This touch was no game. She just wanted to be grounded and for some reason, she could be sure that Natsume did not hate her.

He definitely didn't like her, not the way Luna wanted to be liked. But that didn't matter.

He seemed confused by her sudden contact, but he didn't pull away. He just sat peacefully beside her, flipping through his Art cram kit as she pretended to do the same.

Her bathroom chat with Luna had sucked up a lot of time. Only a couple minutes after sitting down, the teams were getting up again to return to the gym and finish the last three tests.

"It's so nice to be fat off a sandwich," Misaki said happily from beside Mikan when they took their seats in the gym again. "Feeling a bit better about the rest of the subjects?"

Mikan nodded and smiled, but she didn't actually feel good anymore. She kinda wanted to throw up.

The first test after lunch was Music, which began with excerpts being played for each of the first few questions.

Mikan recognized the Rite of Spring selection playing, remembered that this music made people walk out of the audience of the first performance in an indignant rage.

"Why do you let her do that?" Natsume had asked last week. She still didn't really have an answer.

She wished she could have walked out of the bathroom like the audience had walked out of Stravinky's performance. Nothing against the composer, of course, but the audience had principles and stood by them, even if they were close-minded. Mikan didn't seem to have any principles, and it wasn't because she was being open-minded. Why couldn't she let herself feel rage?

Mikan went through the last three tests by shutting her brain off entirely. She forced herself to forget that she was Sakura Mikan, in her third year of high school, a bubbly and hard-working girl who likes cheering on her friends, and instead became nothing more than a receptacle of facts and vocabulary she'd been soaking in since summer.

When the last test was done and the group was once again dismissed until Super Quiz, Mikan had to snap out of her robot mode and remember that she was Sakura Mikan, not a bubbly or cheery girl, but a stupid and undeserving girl who everyone hated.

"Oof, done!" Misaki sighed in relief beside her. "I'm so ready to have a short break. I was getting so stressed about these tests." They weren't done quite yet, but Misaki seemed to already be planning a face mask and a movie after this.

Mikan went through the motions of agreeing and smiling until she ventured to let her true feelings show just a bit. "Hey, Misaki, do you ever feel like you don't deserve to be on the team?"

Misaki's face contorted. "Hey, what are you saying?"

"No!" Mikan shook her head quickly. "That's not what I meant! I-I just- I don't feel like I… that's why…"

Misaki softened. "Hey, we all feel like that sometimes. Imposter syndrome is a bitch. But you were chosen to be on your team for a reason, and you should trust it. Look at you! You just took six stupid tests in a row and you're still standing. I'm sure you kicked ass. Just believe in yourself, the way your team and coach clearly already do."

That all sounded nice enough, but Misaki didn't know the full story, with Kaoru and Luna and all. "Were you surprised when you found out I was going to be on the Alice team?"

Misaki shook her head. "No, my first thought was something like, 'Finally!' Don't overthink it, Mikan. You deserve the spot you have."

Misaki ran off to join her team and Mikan slowly rose to do the same, when there was Natsume, strangely steady and reliable Natsume, just like always.

"Hey," he said. "I remembered something."

Mikan blinked at him, trying to catch up. Her brain was still a bit foggy.

"Our beloved Duchamp and then I recognized Picasso's hideous monstrous creation when it showed up on the screen and I even remembered the name. Woman in an Armchair. 1915. Kinda ugly."

Mikan hummed, remembering that he was supposed to do with Art what she had done with Math. "Oh, right."

He frowned. "That's not the reaction I was promised."

"What?"

"You're supposed to be happy."

Mikan forced a smile. "I am happy." He clearly didn't buy it. "Natsume, do you have a girlfriend?"

He made a face of complete and utter astonishment, his eyes wide, his stupidly short eyebrows furrowed, his mouth scrunched up. "What?"

She got no real answer from him, not that she really expected one.

It's not like it mattered if Natsume had a girlfriend. It would be better for him if he was, because then Luna might back off. But for some reason, Mikan didn't like the idea of him with a girlfriend. It felt unnatural, wrong, sickening.

But that conversation was over. Now the teams were sitting on the floor in the hallway, close to the doors to a second gym. Each team was lined up in alphabetical order, ready to walk through the doors where they would be filmed and televised to local TV channels. Probably nobody would be watching, but it was a little exciting to think about being on camera. For other people, not for her, of course.

Today seemed to be spiraling out of control and Super Quiz was just the final dollop of whipped cream on all the mess she'd seen already. Now everyone would see first hand what a moron she was.

Once those doors opened, Mikan's team would be among the first to walk into the gym, to see the cameras, to see the audience of families and friends on the bleachers. She was gonna mess this up, undoubtedly.

Permy and Koko were playing some complicated clapping game, Ruka and Natsume were sharing earbuds while watching videos on Ruka's phone, Mochu and Tsubasa were chatting with the team behind them, and Mikan was sitting beside her best friends, trying to feel as excited as they were to finish off the regional competition.

"My family will be there," she said out loud, reminding herself with relief. "My parents and Jii-chan will be there!"

"That's great!" Iinchou said supportively. "My family will be there too, even my little sister. I'm really excited to see them. I feel like I do better in Super Quiz at regionals because they're there to cheer me on."

"Hotaru, is your family coming?"

Hotaru shrugged. "They're a distraction." But they'd probably all be there, her parents and her stoic older brother, all clapping for her.

Permy's older brother would be there, as well as her overbearing mom. Koko's folks, Mochu's and Tsubasa's, Ruka's..

Mikan turned to Natsume, since it was his turn. "Will your family be there?"

Natsume shook his head. "Starving artist dad, remember?"

"What about Aoi-chan?"

"She's on some girl scout trip."

The doors opened and the teams began to file out into the gym for Super Quiz, hoisting their team signs so they were camera ready and proud.

Mikan quickly found her parents and Jii-chan on the guest bleachers after the Alice school was announced on the overhead speakers. She waved and they waved back. Soon, all the Alice team kids were waving at their parents and families, blowing kisses and smiling. All of them except Natsume.

Mikan realized that Natsume hadn't insulted his dad last week out of genuine malice, or because he really thought less of his dad. He was going to be all alone, without any support or anybody cheering for him from the bleachers. To distract from how lonely that probably was, Natsume made a mean joke of it. But Mikan could see now what was going on.

"Natsume," she tried, poking his arm. "They're filming it. You can watch it with your family later."

"Whatever," he said, blase as usual. "It doesn't matter."

Natsume's dad was at work, a shift he couldn't skip. His sister had a trip that overlapped with the competition.

Mikan saw that the sad duty of being his cheerleader had fallen on her shoulders.

Super Quiz was the most public and exciting part of the Academic Decathlon competition, which is why it could be televised. The team was sent down to the floor in groups, according to their GPA category, and would answer the questions together. Each decathlete was given a little checkered flag to wave if they ended up getting the answer right.

Varsity went first, so Mikan went down to the chairs with Natsume and Koko. Each team was given their own proctor, to make sure no cheating happened. The stars had aligned once, when the organizers had decided Math shouldn't be included in Super Quiz, since the problems often took longer than that could be allotted for the competition. Instead, only the remaining objective subjects were possibilities.

Natsume was smart, and he knew a lot about Lang Lit from studying with Ruka and Econ from being logical. Koko was a pretty decent guesser and knew a fair amount of Music from his time spent with Permy. Meanwhile Mikan was average at everything except for Art.

There was a guy in the front, speaking into a microphone, announcing the rules and regulations for Super Quiz.

Mikan fidgeted with the clicker in her hands. Once the questions started coming, a little conversation between teammates was expected, and then she'd have to press one of the buttons on the clicker within ten seconds of the guy up front finishing the question. She knew already she didn't think fast with a timer, so she was trying to think of a way to pretend there wasn't one.

"Question one is regarding the subject of Economics. This year, decathletes studied the fundamentals of economic theory, as well as the specific economic effects of the first World War. Here is the question-"

Mikan had underestimated Natsume.

He was great at Econ, but there was a degree of team leadership she'd rarely seen from him. With the rest of A Team, he followed whatever everyone else said. But this time, he leaned over, explained which answer was best, and made a plan for them.

For question three, Science, he'd been torn between two answers, and Mikan and Koko couldn't help, so they split their answers. He took the one he was less sure of, so when the answer was revealed to be the other one, he was the only one on the team who didn't wave his flag, even though he deserved to.

It only made sense that the last question, for Art, was about Marcel Duchamp's Dadaist masterpiece, Fountain, which was a regular urinal, put on its side and signed-

"R. Mutt, 1917," Natsume said at the same time as Mikan.

Answer B.

Ten seconds later, each Alice Varsity was waving their checkered flag.

It was time for the Varsities to go up to the bleachers and rejoin the team, for the Scholastics to come down next. Koko skipped off, but Mikan grabbed Natsume by the rest before he could go too.

She considered briefly explaining herself: that she wanted him to have someone to cheer him on, that she thought it was cool he knew so much, that she was excited about how well they did. Instead, she just hugged him. She could feel him tense, but she just squeezed harder. Not a game this time, or a ploy.

"That was so cool," she said.

Only then did she walk away.

Honors dominated. Iinchou was prone to bouts of nervousness in front of a crowd, but Hotaru was cool under all sorts of pressure. For almost every question, Mikan was unsurprised to see her best friend waving the little checkered flag, her face blank, not even affording a well-deserved self-satisfied smirk.

The cheering from both the guest bleachers and the decathlete bleachers once Super Quiz finished was immense. The regional competition was finally over.

Mikan had no idea what was next. Hotaru seemed confident that they'd get to go to the prefecture competition without a hitch, just like last year. But despite all the cheer, Mikan hadn't really shaken off her conversation with Luna. She still felt unworthy, like maybe her mere presence on the team was enough to crush their hopes. Natsume was great at Super Quiz, clearly. He had proven himself. Since summer, Mikan had wanted to prove at least to herself that she could beat him, but she was still far behind him.

But things weren't the same as they were in summer, either. She didn't hate him anymore, though defining what exactly she did feel about him felt too complicated an endeavor to even attempt when she had other things to stress about.

But she sat next to him on the bus back to school. He didn't mention the hug she'd forced on him, which was a relief because it was a one-time thing and she didn't want to have to explain because she wasn't sure she'd do a good job of it.

Instead, she taught him how to make a paper fortune teller out of a scrap of notebook paper and pretended like it never happened.

Their kindergarten teacher had made it pretty clear to them that everyone was to receive a valentine-leaving one kid off the list would be qualified as bullying. "That isn't fair to everyone, now is it?"

Natsume and Mikan-being partners for some stupid reason-sat next to each other, so this warning did not go over their heads. They had both been hoping they could skip each other, but this news was mutually devastating.

"So if I don't give you a valentine, the teacher will think I'm bullying you?" Mikan huffed, deeply offended. "She doesn't get it that you don't deserve a valentine."

"How do you think I feel?" Natsume sneered back. "Now I have to get a valentine from you. I bet it'll be all sticky with glue and ugly, just like your face."

"Noooo," Mikan corrected. "My valentines will be perfect. Yours will be ugly. You won't even try!"

"I don't need to try for my valentines to look good. You do, but I don't."

"You're gonna love my valentine. Once you see it you'll get it."

"You'll hang my valentine up on your wall and kiss it before you go to sleep."

"No you!"

"I'll throw yours away."

"Nuh uh!"

Thus, instead of leaving Natsume off her list, he became the most important part. She needed to wow him, to prove that her crafts were superior, that her valentine was so much better. If he cried and whined and tore up his own valentine in shame, that would be great, but all she was asking for was a little pout.

For most of her classmates, a cut-out pink heart with glitter and red sharpie was enough. For Natsume, it wouldn't even come close. For his valentine, she spent a disproportionate amount of time cutting and gluing and glittering, using her special craft scissors for a nice textured border. Stamps, stickers, paper lace. As the final touch, Mikan signed the card, "For a very SPECIAL BOY! -Mikan"

She knew the inscription would come across as sarcastic.

She practically skipped to school on the 14th and shook in her excitement to get to the Valentine's Day party when they finally did the card exchange. When it was finally time, Mikan paced herself, tucking valentines into each kid's box and leaving Natsume's for last.

Ignoring her own box, she stared hard at Natsume when he opened his, flicking through the cards with disinterest until he pulled out the huge valentine she made just for him to show up how skilled she was, including the sarcastic note. She waited for his to twist, for his mouth to frown and his eyes to tear up. Instead, he frowned.

"Wow, Polka Dots is in love with me!"

Mikan paled. "What! Ew!"

"Look at this card," Natsume said, showing off to Mochu. "Look how big it is. She called me special!"

Mochu's eyes widened. "That's way bigger than the card she made me!"

"I hate Natsume!" Mikan defended. "That's why it's big!"

"Being in love with Natsume is normal," Permy said. "I also made him a special card."

"I am not! I hate him! I bet he loves me!" Mikan ripped open her box and dug through it, trying to find the card Natsume got for her. But there was no huge card in the box, so she had to flick through each individual one until she saw the one from Natsume. It wasn't even handmade, just one from the boxes they sell in stores, with some boyish anime character, probably from Naruto or something, but she couldn't really tell, saying, "You're cool!" It was addressed to "Polka Dots" and came with a pack of Smarties. That was it.

"Oooh," Mochu said before he started giggling. "I'm pretty sure you're in love with him…"

"He doesn't love you back!" Permy squealed, excited. "That's so funny!"

Mikan threw his lazy valentine on her desk, the Smarties thwacking against the desk, as she ran off to the bathroom to scream and cry and yell like a monster in a movie.

She got over it after cupcakes and cookies and candy, but she didn't open the box again for two days.

Then, she was bored and wanted to eat more candy, so she opened her box while in the comfort of her own room, with nobody to sneer or laugh at her. She opened each one to read it properly and set it aside. She decided she'd save all of them forever, to remember how much her classmates matter to her. Even the Natsume one needed to stay, so she could remind herself how much he sucked.

But there was a new card in there, one she didn't recognize. She opened it up and blinked in surprise to see that someone had drawn a girl sitting in flowers, eating what looked like an orange. An aggressively yellow sun was in the corner, but somehow the brown-haired girl looked brighter. There was no name, no note, no candy. Just the picture.

She decided to keep that too, in the same Valentine's Day box, even though the art looked increasingly less impressive each time she looked at it, until it was a hallmark for a pretty standard kindergarten drawing. Apparently nobody else in class had received an anonymous card with a drawing in it, and when she'd asked Natsume, he'd just laughed at her.

She never did learn who sent it.

---

"If you come at four in the afternoon, I'll begin to be happy by three." - Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, The Little Prince