ALL ALONE AM I
"No other voice can say the words
My heart must hear to ever sing again,
The words you used to whisper low,
No other love can ever bring again."
[Lyrics from the song "All Alone am I" - Manos Hadjidakis]
…
Days, weeks, months passed, but still the hurting grew no less. The pain was always there… throbbing, burning. How could you miss someone so badly when, in reality, you had spent so little time with them?
Since losing Bob my life seemed to have so little reason, so little purpose. It was as if he was the whole meaning of life, of love. I cried myself to sleep so many times - just longing to feel his arms around me again, holding me tight - my body pressed close to his.
The song - which once was ours - 'Together Again' - now had so little significance. The words of 'All Alone Am I' were the reality now. I often wondered if Bob knew the song. He probably did.
Time and again I asked myself the question - why did God… Fate… have to be so cruel? Were we being punished for our wrongdoing - for loving each other? Can loving someone so much be a sin?
Oh, Bob, where are you? You are everywhere, yet nowhere. And yet, sometimes I feel you so close that I wonder if these last months were just a bad dream - and one day the phone will ring and I will hear your beautiful voice again. But then reality strikes… and the tears are once more threatening to fall.
Wherever you are, Bob, I pray that you are happy, and together once more with your Mom and Jane. But sometimes, my darling, if you are feeling lonely - just close your eyes, think of me… And smile.
Katrina Relf
April 2024