-Chapter 32-
Mario on Ice
Ice Country
Deep below the frozen lands of Ice Country was the infamous Icecatraz Prison, the darkest, coldest, most bitter (even by tundra standards) dungeon in all of the Mushroom World. Here, the vilest of villains were sent, never to see the light of day or feel the sun's warmth again. For the past week or so, however, it's served a much darker purpose: locking up enemies of the Koopa Troop, such as its newest occupants: Yoshi and Toad.
The duo had been robbed of their belongings and forced into the prison's standard black and white striped uniforms (complete with little hats). In lieu of shackles, their hands were completely frozen in blocks of ice just past their wrists. Yoshi had an additional ring of ice around his mouth, a result of trying to grab a guard's hot cocoa with his tongue. They were being escorted down a long flight of stairs by a squad of four, hammer-wielding Koopas, all annoyed and impatient.
"Keep moving, convicts! We haven't got all day!" one of the Hammer Brother guards ordered.
"Hey! We're not convicts, we're war prisoners!" Toad shouted. "If you're gonna yell at us, at least get it right!"
The guard bonked him on the head with his hammer, eliciting a yelp of pain from the mushroom man.
"Shut up!" he snapped. "It's cold and slippery and we don't wanna be down here any more than we have to! Now button your lips and get back to walking!"
"Alright, alright!" Toad shouted. "Razzum-frazzum Hammer Brothers…"
After a long walk, they eventually arrived at the bottom of the stairs. The guards unlocked the cell door, then shoved the two of them in without so much as a sarcastic "Enjoy your stay". The door slammed shut with a loud clang and the guards walked off.
"You slimebags won't get away with this!" Toad shouted as he grabbed the bars. "Mario's coming for us, and then you'll be sorry!"
"Yeah, yeah, we know." The Hammer Bro grinned evilly. "We're counting on it."
With that, the Hammer Bros. walked off, leaving the two captured heroes to their fates. Toad squeezed the bars as he let out a furious growl, then kicked the door…
"YEOWCH! Owowowowowowowowowowow!"
…with predictable results.
"Dag-baggit-nabble-flaggit!" Toad shouted as he hopped up and down, clutching his foot. "Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!"
"Yesh," Yoshi got out through his makeshift muzzle. "Why Mushroom Man kick wall? Wall win eash time."
"Because I'm mad, that's why!" Toad sat down. "We beat Roy Koopa! Roy! Koopa! We got to be heroes and save the day ourselves for once! Only to get one-shotted by some weirdo in a Halloween costume!"
"Believe me, there are far worse fates than that, my boy."
Toad and Yoshi nearly jumped at the voice of the previously unknown third occupant of their cell. The voice was deep and commanding and sent chills up their already chilled spines.
"Wh-Who's there!?" Toad called out as he hid behind Yoshi. "I-I'm warning you, we're armed and dangerous!"
"But, turtle guys take our shtuff," Yoshi reminded.
"W-Well… we can bonk him on the head with these!" Toad suggested, holding up their ice block restraints.
"Calm yourself, young toad," the voice said. "I mean you no harm. I couldn't even if I did."
From the shadows, their cellmate emerged. While they wore the same black and white stripes as Toad and Yoshi, a royal cape and a small crown adorned their form.
"Who...Who are you?" Toad asked in surprise.
The figure smirked as he let out a confident chuckle.
"Who am I? I was once ruler of this land. The Ice King of Ice Country! Sultan of Snow! Emperor of the Algid! Big Cheese of the Boreal!"
He moved closer, allowing them to finally see their guest was none other than…
"Gaze in awe, young ones! For you share a prison cell with… Froswald III! Bow before my mighty form!"
A tiny, blue penguin.
"Whaaaa…" Toad let out.
Froswald stood proudly, hands at his hips and head held high, smirking as he imagined an awestruck Toad and Yoshi sitting and staring, eyes wide and jaws dropped. He turned his attention toward his cellmates to get a glimpse himself, and while he was right about their eyes and jaws, they hadn't heeded his royal decree in the slightest (nor did they appear to be in awe).
Froswald cleared his throat. "I said, bow before my mighty form!"
Their reaction remained the same, much to the king's annoyance.
"Alright, seriously," he began. "When you're in the presence of royalty, you're supposed to bow! It's simple etiquette!"
He tapped his foot as he glared at the two for their impudence; only to perk as a thought occurred to him.
"Ahh, I see now." His grin returned in full force. "You're so overwhelmed by the sheer magnificence of my frigid greatest, that it's literally left you frozen!"
He let out a loud, hearty laugh.
"Perfectly understandable! I have that effect on people. I-"
"Actually, we were just surprised you could talk," Toad interjected. "Every time the Koopalings have turned the rulers into animals, they lost their ability to talk."
"Giant man talked," Yoshi reminded him.
"Yeah well, the spell on him was incomplete because he was a giant. This guy is just a cute little penguin."
"Excuse you!?" Froswald shouted furiously, getting right in Toad and Yoshi's faces.
"Whoa!" they shouted.
"How dare you!? I will admit to being slight in height, but nobody calls me cute! NOBODY!"
Froswald hopped backward.
"You, sirs, have just made an enemy for life! Now…" He performed several katas before assuming a combat stance. "Prepare to feel the bitter sting of the Winter Warlord, disrespectful dullards!"
Yoshi gave a slow blink.
"Mushroom man, Yoshi think Ice King was always penguin."
"What!?" Toad uttered in disbelief. "That's crazy! Someone this much a ham? There's no way…"
"That's correct."
Toad paused. "Say what?"
"I have and always have been a noble bird of the ice my entire life!" Froswald began bombastically. "From the moment I hatched from my noble mother's egg to the moment those fiendish Koopas came to my castle and melted my glorious city to the ground! I…!"
"Ahhhh, shaddap!" a prisoner from one of the neighboring cells cut in.
Froswald mumbled indignantly for a moment before sighing. "In short, this is my true form."
The penguin king took a moment to compose himself.
"Anyway," he began. "Now that that has been established, who are you two? You're clearly no subjects of mine, nor do you appear to be from the Snow Kingdom in general."
"I'm Toad," the mushroom man began. "And this is Yoshi. We were captured by Koopas while traveling with the Mario Bros."
"The Mario Bros.!?" Froswald got right in their faces again, this time excitedly. "The legendary heroes who defeated King Bowser!?"
"Uhhhh…" Toad and Yoshi looked around nervously. "Yes?"
"Huzzah!" Froswald cheered as he leapt into the air and began doing a little happy dance. "They're coming! Thank Grambi! Now they can finally put an end to that dastardly Koopa and his accursed offspring!"
He finished his dance and began cackling triumphantly.
"You hear that, Bowser!? The days of your reign are numbered once again!"
"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" Toad cut in. "Did you say Bowser!? But…that's impossible! Mario and Luigi ended his game weeks ago!"
"Ended his game!?" Froswald exclaimed. "Are you daft! That barbarian reduced my capital city to a puddle! I know, I witnessed the whole thing!"
"But…they blew him into a lava pit! He went down and didn't come back up! Bowser's dead!"
This time it was Froswald's turn to gape in disbelief.
"A lava pit fell Bowser!? That's ridiculous! Bowser is a Royal Dragon Koopa! He is a child of fire itself! A plunge in a pit of molten rock is a relaxing spa day to him! Are you seriously that dense!?"
Toad and Yoshi exchanged looks, none of them good.
"So…you're telling us…" Toad began in horror. "Bowser's still alive!?"
Froswald nodded. "Yes. That is exactly what I'm saying."
At that, Toad lost it. He started running around the cell, yelling and screaming and basically having a breakdown
"Oh man! Oh man! Oh man! Bowser's alive!? Heck no, bro! Heck no, bro!"
"Mushroom man…" Yoshi said.
"This is bad! This is reeeally bad!"
"Mushroom man…"
"We're dead ducks! Dead ducks, you hear me!? Dead! Ducks!"
"MUSHROOM MAN!" Yoshi screamed, startling Toad and breaking his muzzle. "Stop. Screaming."
"Sorry…" Toad said sheepishly. "I just… I really thought we'd seen the last of that monster."
"Indeed, I know the feeling all too well," Froswald said solemnly. "But! Just because Bowser's returned, doesn't mean we should lose hope! The Mario Bros. are no doubt on their way as we speak. They defeated him once before and they will do so again."
Toad took a breath, finally calming down. "Yeah…you're right. They'll be on their way here to do what they do best not too much longer. I just hope they manage to find us before we freeze…"
In the Sky
High above the frosty, gray clouds of Icy Country, Mario and Luigi were flying their way over by way of the Nimbus Royal Family's personal cloud bus.
"Attention, passengers. This is your bus driver speaking," the old Lakitu at the wheel announced. "In just a few moments, we will be arriving in the Frozen Capital, capital city of Ice Country and home to the Penguin Tribe…"
Mario quickly tuned out about the driver's rambling at that. He had other thoughts on his mind…bigger thoughts.
"It was so obvious," he said as he adjusted his gloves. "Her fighting style, her knowledge of us, her voice... how could I not have put it together?" He let out a sigh, putting his face in his hands. "No. I did put it together. I just didn't want to believe it. But why…why is she fighting for them?"
A high-pitched whimper greeted his ears, pulling him out of his stupor and reminding him he wasn't the only one there.
"I know, Luigi. It's hard, but…"
"It's not that, Mario…" the green brother cut in. "I'm just freaking out cuz of how high up we are!"
Mario sighed as Luigi sat ramrod straight in his chair, eyes darting between the windows and the front of the bus as he strangled the armrests of his seat.
"We're fine, Lu. It's like riding in a plane. I'm more worried about the fact that our kid sister is the Blue Hood!"
"I am too! That's just making this trip worse!" Luigi shouted. "I had my suspicions since the Koopahari Desert. I wanted so badly to be wrong. How did she even wind up here!?"
"She must have stumbled into a Warp Zone like us."
"Obviously, but what's she doing working with Bowser!? Mind control? Hypnosis? Evil robot clone!?"
"I DON'T KNOW!" Mario sighed, rubbing his forehead. "...I don't know. All I do know is that we need to save Toad and Yoshi, and then we're making a beeline for the Darklands to save her."
"Ahem!"
Mario and Luigi snapped to attention as the bus driver made another announcement.
"Attention passengers, we are now approaching the Frozen Capital. Please fasten your seatbelts as we prepare to land."
The Bros. did so as the bus began to descend, the grey clouds giving way to a twinkling white landscape of frozen plains and icy rivers. After a few minutes, the bus landed with a soft plumpf noise.
"Here we are, the Frozen Capital. Thank you for riding the Royal Cloud Bus, Mario Brothers. Good luck and Grambi-speed."
"Thank you, sir," Mario said with a bow as he and Luigi disembarked.
"So, what do you think we'll find here?" Luigi asked. "Melted buildings? More harassment of the locals? Maybe even that heat tax from the last ice zone we were in?"
"Uhhh…Lu?" Mario pointed ahead, causing Luigi to gape in shock.
"Oh no…"
Sure enough, the Frozen Capital was completely devastated. Most of the buildings had been melted down, as Luigi had guessed, with the few still standing looking more like snowmen in the summer. Penguins of various colors and sizes wandered about aimlessly or squatted in the slushy remains of their businesses and homes. Workers dug through the collapsed snow and ice, digging their fellow birds free, while others called out names, trying to find family and loved ones they'd been separated from in the chaos. A few chicks ran about and played, while the grown-ups talked and worked as if nothing was wrong, but it was clear from the gloomy look in their eyes that they were struggling to maintain some semblance of normalcy.
"Mama Mia…" Luigi let out.
Mario nodded. "Yeah, this is much worse."
"HALT!"
The Bros. looked ahead and saw several penguins belly-sliding toward them, all clad in battle vests and belts.
"Those must be the guards," Mario said.
"Ice Troopers!" the group's leader shouted. "Surround the intruders! Maneuver 10-20-333!"
"Aye, Captain!"
The penguins split off into two groups; one going left, and the other, right. In less than ten seconds, the two reconvened, circling the Bros. in two rings; an inner ring going clockwise and one going counterclockwise around it. The penguins orbited Mario and Luigi for about half a minute before they hopped back on their feet, scooping up a handful of snow in one motion and throwing it on the ground, causing several tall, sharp shards of ice to erupt from the ground, trapping them.
"Whoa…" Mario uttered in awe. "That was cool."
"Really?" Luigi uttered flatly.
"Come on, Lu, that was clearly well rehearsed. Give them some credit."
"Ahem!"
The Bros snapped to attention as the Captain of the penguins stepped forward.
"I am Feldspar (1), Captain of the Ice Country Royal Guard. Identify yourselves, outsiders, or we will assume you to be hostile and deal with you as such."
One of the penguin guards held up a piece of ice, then casually shattered it without changing his expression.
"Meep," Luigi squeaked as Mario raised his hands in a peaceful gesture.
"We're here to help. Princess Peach sent us."
"Y-Yeah!" Luigi chimed in. "We're the heroes!"
Feldspar chuckled. "You? Heroes? I doubt that."
"No, really! Look!" Mario reached into his pocket, took out the P-Wing, and showed it to them.
"A P-Wing!?" one of the guards exclaimed.
"That's the official royal passport of the Mushroom Kingdom!" shouted another.
"Let me see that." Feldspar took it and looked it over for a few moments. He squinted at it intently, examining every last detail.
"By Grambi," he let out. "It's real!"
Mario nodded. "I'm Mario, and this is Luigi, and we're…"
"The Super Mario Brothers!?" Feldspar exclaimed, drawing the attention of everyone in earshot. "Stand down, all of you! Release the ice! Quickly!"
At that, the penguins clapped their little flipper hands together, causing the ice spires surrounding the bros to crumble and disintegrate harmlessly into snow.
"Whoa…" Mario let out as he and Luigi marveled at the mystical sight, but they didn't have long as they were quickly swarmed by numerous overjoyed penguins.
"Wah! What the…!?"
"Guess we're heroes even all the way up here," Luigi mused as he attempted to fend off the literal army of fans swarming them.
"Alright, alright, that's enough!" Feldspar ordered as he and his men ushered the crowd away. "I apologize on behalf of men and my people, Mario Bros. Ever since the attack on our capital, things have been…difficult to say the least."
"We can tell." Mario looked around the blasted landscape with an expression of sympathy. "Which one of those psycho Koopalings did this?"
"Koopalings?" Feldspar repeated, looking confused. "You think one of those young Royal Koopas could pull something like this off? Oh no, son. Only one Koopa could pull this off."
Just then, a thunderous rumble echoed throughout the city; shaking the ground.
"Wh-What the heck?" Mario let out.
"It's an earthquake!" Luigi cried.
"Worse," Feldspar began, his eyes narrowing. "It's Lemmy."
A chorus of screams seized the group's attention, drawing them to one of the city's roads. Several penguins fled in terror as a massive, yellow-orange ball with a green circle and a gold star inside came rolling down the street.
"What in the world is that!?" Mario demanded.
"One of the blasted Koopa Prince's weapons," Feldspar explained. "He sends them out to wreck the place every day. He calls them his…'Fun Balls'."
"It doesn't look very fun!" Luigi added.
"Wait, what's that on top of it?" Mario said, pointing.
Feldspar pulled out a pair of binoculars from…somewhere on his person and looked through them. As soon as he did, he let out a surprised squawk.
"Good Grambi, it's him!"
Before either of the brothers could ask what Feldspar was talking about, the Fun Ball managed to reach them, allowing them to get a good look at the figure atop it. It was a small Koopa around Toad's height with the same yellow and tan skin complexion as the other Koopalings. He had a yellow-orange shell and a green, oval-shaped head that was disproportionately large compared to his small body and featured a distinctive pair of orange bars on the left side and a multi-colored mohawk, that went from yellow, magenta, cyan, yellow, magenta, cyan, and ended in a long, yellow rat tail that faded to a more orange hue at the tip. Most notably, aside from his multi-colored hair, he had large, oval eyes that were set in a cross-eyed expression, giving him a rather dopey, but manic appearance.
"Eeeyadadadadadadada! Yadadadadadadada! Doo doh dabba dabba dabba dah! KA-BOOM! KA-BOOM!"
A look only enhanced by his hyperactive Russian kicking dance and rendition of Khachaturian's Sabre Dance.
"He's coming this way!" one of the guards shouted as he charged forward.
"Stop, wait!" Feldspar called out, but the soldier ignored him, scooping up a flipper-hand full of snow in preparation to attack.
"Your time has come, Lemmy Koopa! Prepare to–!"
He was immediately flattened by Lemmy's ball, the Koopaling not even noticing him.
"Ow…" the guard uttered weakly.
Mario and Luigi watched this go down, torn between being weirded out, concerned, or scared. Eventually, they settled on the first option.
"This kid is the son of Bowser?" Mario let out.
"He's a complete wacko!" Luigi added.
"That's what makes him so dangerous," Feldspar explained as Lemmy's fun ball crashed into a partially demolished building, sending several penguins squatting there fleeing for their lives before he burst out, finishing it off.
"Crud! We gotta stop him before he destroys what's left of the city!" Mario shouted.
"Right!" Luigi concurred.
The brothers charged at Lemmy, who continued to sing his song, oblivious to what was going on.
"Ya-dadadadadadada Ha-hahahahahahaha Doo-doh-dabba-dabba-dabba dah! KA-BOOM! KA-!"
"Hey!"
"Boom?"
Lemmy looked down and saw Mario and Luigi in the middle of the road.
"Ooh! They're here!" he shouted as he jabbed the Fun Ball with one of his toe-claws, causing it to rapidly let out air with a loud PBBBBBBBBBBBT!
Mario and Luigi watched as the ball flew around wildly, Lemmy holding onto it the entire time.
"WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"
And having a blast the entire time.
Unfortunately for the Koopa Prince, his wild trip came to an end when the balloon flew right into one of the other mostly intact buildings, getting his upper body stuck in the wall. He kicked around, letting out muffled yells before pulling himself out, rolling and tumbling backward to a chorus of cartoonish whistles and squeaks that sounded like they were coming out of thin air.
"Where are those noises coming from?" Mario asked.
"Best not to dwell on it," Luigi added.
Before they could ponder further, the noises ceased with a loud thud as Lemmy fell over flat on his back, right in front of them.
"Dr. Livesey," he babbled as his pupils spun around the edge of his eyes. "Would you please stop smiling like that? You're scaring the other patrons…"
Now the brothers were moving in, concerned.
"Are… you okay?" Mario asked.
Suddenly, Lemmy stood up, startling the bros. He grabbed the sides of his eyes, seemingly adjusting them like knobs on a radio as his pupils stopped spinning and returned to their normal positions, both of them.
"Whoops! One sec!"
Lemmy carefully "grabbed" his normally cross-eyed pupil and moved it back to its original, wonky position.
"Okay, I am good!" he declared. "What'd I miss?"
It was then that he noticed Mario and Luigi.
"Oh, right! You guys!" He turned to the side, clearing his throat with several, loud, exaggerated gags, then spun around to face the Bros. with a devilish look in his eyes (well, as devilish as he could).
"Meddling heroes!" Lemmy shouted with all the grandeur and malice of his father. "Sup?" He greeted casually before snapping back to devil spawn mode again. "What business do you have in the exmalted domini-ini-yum of the great and powerful Lem-MY KOO-paaaaaaaa!? Speak now or…"
Lemmy paused to think, genuinely confused as to what he should say next.
"Or…orrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr…"
He continued holding his 'R' like an Internet video in the middle of a computer crash, stopping only to take a breath.
"...rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr…"
"He must be the 'special' child," Luigi whispered.
"Luigi!" Mario snapped quietly.
"Just saying, he's a few pepperonis short of a pizza."
"Still, that's not–"
"Or don't," Lemmy finally finished. "I guess, I dunno…I can't really think of anything to say, so…yeah, what do you want and why are you here?"
"Where are Toad and Yoshi?" Mario demanded. "Your brother Roy captured them and brought them here."
Lemmy blinked. "He did? When did that happen?"
"Don't play dumb with me!"
"Who's playing? My dumbness is real." He stuck out his tongue with an audible "Bleh!" for emphasis.
"I think he's right," Luigi mused.
"Nobody's this dumb!" Mario shot back. "This kid's one of Bowser's children! Look at what happened to the city!"
"Yeah, King Dad really trashed the joint, eh?"
That brought them pause.
"Dad?" the Bros. repeated.
"So it's true," Luigi gasped. "Bowser's still alive!"
"Oops..." Lemmy winced. "Forget you heard that!"
"No... that can't be right." Mario shook his head. "Bowser's dead! We killed him ourselves! You seven went off on this global rampage to avenge him!"
"Hang on, I'll check." Lemmy pulled out a cell phone-like device with the Koopa Troop insignia on the back, dialing a number.
" What? " came Ludwig's voice.
"Hey Ludwig, it's me. Just to be sure, Dad's still alive, right? Nothing happened to him after he sent us out to conquer the world or whatever?"
"Of course he's alive. What wouldn't he be?"
"Well, those Mario guys, the ones who beat him up, they're here and they were asking if he's really dead or not."
Ludwig went silent.
"Don't tell me you let it slip," he asked testily.
"Uhhhhh..."
"Lemmy, you dummkopf! They weren't supposed to find out until they got to Tube City!"
"Sorry, it just slipped out!"
"So...Bowser really is alive!?" Luigi cried.
"Who's that? Are the Mario Bros right in the room with you!?"
"Uhh, yeah," Lemmy replied flatly. "Why do you think I called?"
"YYYYOOOOU-!" Ludwig groaned loud enough that you could feel him sagging in whatever chair he was sitting in. "Lemmy, is there a wall near you?"
Lemmy looked around before eyeing the nearest intact wall. "Yes?
"Run into it as hard as you can for me?"
"But, I did that already."
"Well, do it again, you nincompoopa!"
"Okay!" Lemmy declared cheerfully.
He charged into the wall head-first, sending ice chips flying everywhere and his phone flying over. Mario slowly picked it up.
"Ludwig," Mario said grimly.
"Ahhhh, Herr Mario," the eldest prince greeted. "Lange nicht mehr gesehen (2) . Tell me, did you enjoy playing with my younger siblings?"
"Yeah, I had a blast," he uttered darkly. "So, Bowser is alive after all? All that talk about avenging him was just part of your big plan?"
Ludwig chuckled darkly. " Of course it was! Did you honestly think you truly ended my father's game? He's been blown up, thrown down volcanoes, fed to Maw-Rays. Nothing keeps King Bowser down. Every time, he rises back up, bigger, meaner, and stronger than before! "
"And what about our sister?"
Ludwig paused. "Sister?"
"Mary Pat! We know she's the Blue Hood!"
"Oh, the squishy!" Lemmy blurted out. "She's nice, I like her."
"Lemmy, shut up!" Mario and Ludwig snapped, causing the younger Koopaling to squeak and bury his head in the snow.
"So, how did you figure it out?"
"How could I not? Did you honestly think I wouldn't catch on eventually!? I'm not an idiot, Ludwig!"
"That's debatable."
Mario growled as he strangled Lemmy's phone.
"Listen close, you little wannabe Beethoven punk. Whatever you did to my little sister to turn her into your goon, it's the most despicable thing you could have done. When I get my hands on you, you better be ready for a world of PAIN ."
There was silence on the other end, followed by the sound of rustling and machinery being moved. Then, there was a click, and what sounded like a recording began to play.
"Only problem is that Mario and Luigi pretty much know all our usual tactics," Bowser's voice began, further proof of his survival. "And with most of my Elites in jail, we don't have near enough troops strong enough to support the other Koopalings."
"That sucks…" Mary Pat's voice replied, laced with sympathy. Hearing her speak, the brothers both went pale. It was even worse when she continued speaking. "Wish I could help. I'd love to give my brothers a good thrashing for just up and abandoning me."
"Mips…" Luigi let out, Mario just silently shaking.
"Mary Pat…" Bowser's voice spoke up again, "Are you serious about it when you say you want to help?"
"Please no…" Mario whimpered.
"Yeah, you guys have done so much for me. Heck, I owe you guys my life."
"Right." Bowser's voice seemed eager now. "Well, what if I told you I could help you give your idiot brothers that thrashing you wanna give them so much? What would you say to that, hmmm…?"
"I'd say…" MP's next words left both brothers floored. "Where do we start?"
Mario's face slowly fell, replaced with shock as there was another click, signaling the end of the recording. Ludwig's voice then came back on the line, sounding superior and smug.
"Yes, that's correct. Mary Pat is with us, fights for the Koopa Troop... because she wants to. After all, we saved her life when she was thrown in a sewer drain while you and the green one were off playing superhero here. So put that in your pipe and smoke it. "
And with that, the call ended.
"No…" The phone dropped from Mario's hand. "He's lying…"
"Nope!" Lemmy suddenly popped up from under the snow as he grabbed the phone. "All true! King Dad gave us strict orders not to hurt the squishy and to be nice… or else! Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go take care of your friends. So, you two had better stay out of my way and not spoil my fun... or else!"
At that, Lemmy pulled out his wand and conjured another Fun Ball, which he proceeded to hop on.
"Seeya round!" He started kicking his feet, rolling off into the distance. "Byyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyye!"
"Get back here, you little…!" Feldspar shouted, shaking his fist. "Blast it all! Sir Mario, Sir Luigi, he's getting away!"
Feldspar turned to the brothers, but instead of the mighty heroes he had heard of, he was greeted by the sight of two shell-shocked men staring into space, their minds seemingly crumbling to dust from shock. A few of the penguin soldiers tried to snap them out of it, nudging them gently and waving their flippers in front of their faces, but neither one of them reacted.
"It's no good, sir!" one of them cried out. "They're completely out of it!"
"What do we do!?" cried another.
"Oh, for the love of…"
"Wake up! Snap out of it! Get your heads together!"
Feldspar frantically ran over to Mario and Luigi and proceeded to start slapping them silly. His plan seemed to work, as the two almost immediately clutched their cheeks with a wince.
"Ahh! My face!"
"What just…?"
"Lemmy is escaping!" Feldspar shouted. "You need to stop him! Go! Go!"
"Ahh! Right! C'mon, Luigi!"
"Wait for me!"
Feldspar watched as the Mario Bros. chased after Lemmy, their clumsy, ill-prepared stumble-running quickly turning to determined sprints.
"By Grambi…" Feldspar uttered in surprise.
"Your orders, Captain?" one of the penguins asked.
"Send word to all the other units," Feldspar ordered. "It's time to take back our kingdom."
-X-
Once again, the streets of the Frozen Capital were utter chaos as Lemmy rode around on his Fun Ball, singing and dancing without a care in the world or any regard for where he was going as penguins ran and dived out of the way.
" Moscow, Moscow, I dunno the freakin' words / I dunno the freakin' words / Ya-ha-ha-ha-ha! Hey! Moscow, Moscow, I dunno the freakin' words / Or where freakin' Moscow is / Ha-ha-ha-ha-HAAAAA! "
Suddenly, Lemmy's ball jostled and bounced about violently, causing him to briefly lose his balance. The Koopa prince flailed his arms around wildly as he stumbled about, but eventually managed to regain control of his spherical ride.
"Hey!" he shouted as he looked over his shoulder at the fool who rear-ended him. "Watch what you're going you…You!?"
It was Mario and Luigi. Running at full throttle and rip-roaring furious.
"Holy…" Lemmy let out, still balancing and maneuvering his ball. A crowd of pedestrians dived to the side to avoid being flattened.
"Are you two seriously chasing me!? How are you even doing that!?"
He ran through a snow bridge, reducing it to powder and nearly causing several penguins about to cross to fall over.
"Seriously, I'm goin' at like...a whole lotta Miles Prower or something on a giant ball. But you're just…two guys."
He plowed through an entire block of buildings before turning left.
"Seriously, you guys got some kind of speed power-up or something? Cuz that's…"
Another crash sounded as Lemmy's Fun Ball bulldozed through a passing penguin with a cart. The penguin got out of the way in time, but his cargo…
"My cabbages!"
…wasn't so lucky.
"Seriously," Lemmy let out, "are you guys gonna say something or am I just gonna have to keep yacking to myself like a jack…"
Suddenly, Mario charged at Lemmy's ball, causing him to lose control of it again.
"...Black returns in Kung Fu Panda 4! In theaters as of this writing!"
Lemmy did another stumbling dance as he tried to regain control of his ball.
"Hey! Watch it! That's dangerous!"
His response was Luigi attacking the ball, causing him to lose even more control.
"Hey! Weren't you listening!?"
"Oh, we were listening!" Luigi shot back.
"We just don't care right now!" Mario added.
It was then that Lemmy finally got a good look at the bros' faces. He had heard about his siblings' fights with them during their post-mission reports with their father and Kamek (it was the only part he actually paid attention to). The battles were exciting, wacky bouts of pugilism, pummeling, and power-ups (especially when Mips was involved), and he couldn't wait for his turn to jump into the fray. Instead, he found himself being relentlessly pursued by two enraged Italian men eager to dine on turtle soup…tonight! Lemmy swallowed nervously at the thought but quickly regained his composure. After all, he still had his secret weapon.
"Alright, if that's how you're gonna be, fine!" he shouted. "Hammer Bros.!"
Suddenly, dozens of hammer-wielding Koopas burst out of the hiding. They came from the windows. The rooftops. They even jumped out from under the snow!
"Huh!?" Mario shouted, snapping out of his rage.
"Where'd these guys come from!?" Luigi exclaimed as he too returned to reality.
"Alright, fellas! Show the Buzzkill Bros. a good time! I'm getting out of here!"
"Yes, Prince Lemmy!"
As Lemmy sped off, the Hammer Bros. got into a formation, forming into lines that stretched the entire length of the street.
"All units, hammers at the ready!"
They held the hammers high.
"Pull back!"
They pulled back their hands…
"Throw!"
And threw their hammers in synch, one row at a time, from front to back, filling the sky with black, iron bludgeons all falling straight for Mario and Luigi in a chaotic mess.
"Uh-oh…" Luigi let out as they looked up at the downpour of hardware tools.
"Move!" Mario shouted as he grabbed Luigi by the arm and beelined back the way they came, barely avoiding the hammers, which hit the ground with a loud clang, cracking and cratering the ground on impact.
"Mamma Mia!" Mario shouted in disbelief. "What are those things made of!?"
"Talk later, keep running!" Luigi cried out.
The Hammer Bros. began to give chase, throwing their hammers in perfect unison and precision as they utterly demolished the streets.
"Keep throwing!" their leader shouted. "Maintain formation! Don't let up, no matter what!"
"Yes, sir!"
Hammers flew and fell and flattened as penguins and people alike fled for their lives.
"We need to get those hammers away from those guys!" Mario shouted.
"We need to get those hammers for ourselves!" Luigi added.
"Look out!"
Mario suddenly stopped and pulled Luigi back, just in time to save him from a hammer that overshot and landed right where they were heading. They stared at the pounding tool lodged in the ground. First, in horror that it had nearly caved their heads in. Then, relief that it had missed. And then, in inspiration.
"I got it!" Luigi piped up before reaching down to pick it up, only for it to not even budge.
"What the…?"
Luigi continued to pull and tug at the hammer, but no matter how hard he tried, it remained firmly rooted in place.
"Santa Maria…this thing weighs a ton!"
"Move over, I got it!"
Mario nudged Luigi aside as he took his turn, only to be met with similar results.
"Come on…if Chris Evans can pick you up, I can too!"
"Hurry, Mario!" Luigi urged. "I think they're getting for a…!"
Suddenly, it was night in the middle of the day. Time seemed to slow as Mario and Luigi turned around and looked up, and were greeted by the sight of a maelstrom of hammers, all falling toward them. There was nowhere to run. The hammers had practically blotted the sky and were too low for them to get away from in time. They could only cling to each other as they screamed, resigning themselves to being pounded into the ground like a pair of nails.
"Fire!"
Just then, a barrage of snowballs hit the hammers, freezing them solid and knocking them off course.
"Is it over?" Luigi asked. "Are you dead?"
"No…" Mario looked ahead and saw an army of penguins belly-sliding toward them, led by none other than…
"Captain Feldspar!"
"Feldspar!?" the lead Hammer Bro cried out.
"Ice Troopers, attaaaaaaaaaaaack!" Feldspar shouted, prompting several of the penguins in front to hop up and start throwing snowballs, while the rest continued sliding ahead.
"Oh brother, this again?" the leader chuckled. "That trick didn't work the first time, you frozen turkeys! What makes you think it will…"
Before he could finish, a snowball beaned him in the face, instantly encasing him in a block of ice.
"What the…!?" one of his soldiers shouted, doing a double-take to make sure he wasn't seeing things, only to end up frozen himself.
"Rear Squad, continue bombardment! Front Squad, with me!" Feldspar ordered as he and the penguins who had slid on ahead hopped back up and began charging toward the Hammer Bros. throwing snowballs ahead as their comrades in the back continued throwing snowballs at the back ranks, freezing the Koopas left and right.
"Retreat, fall back!" one of them shouted, prompting the entire squad to flee.
Mario and Luigi watched as the penguins chased the Koopas away until they were nothing but specks in the distance, leaving their frozen fellows behind.
"Hmph! Lousy reptiles," Feldspar scoffed as he made his way back to the Mario Bros.
"Are you two alright?" he asked.
"We are now…" Mario replied.
"My life was flashing before my eyes," Luigi said. "Who were those guys?"
"I'll explain more at our headquarters, where it's safe. For now…" Feldspar turned to address his men. "Grab as many Hammer Bros and hammers as you can and get them back to base! It's time to ready the plan!"
"Yes, Captain!" the soldiers said with a salute.
As the soldiers carried out their orders, Feldspar returned his attention to the Bros.
"Come with me, Mario Brothers, we need to get you back to base before that crazy Koopaling decides to come out and play again."
"Good idea," Luigi said. "C'mon Mario, let's get outta here."
Luigi turned to Mario, only for him to be just standing there.
"Mario?" Luigi questioned, going over to him. "Mario... Mario!"
"Ah!" Mario let out, snapping out of his trance.
"Come on! Let's-a go!"
Mario sighed. "Yeah…I'm coming."
As Mario followed Luigi and Feldspar, he took one last look at the devastation and ruin Lemmy and his forces had unleashed upon the city and shook his head mournfully.
"I'm coming…"
Author's Note:
(1): A character from the obscure Nintendo Adventure Book novels.
(2): Long time no see.
The plot thickens. Mario and Luigi know that MP is working with Bowser voluntarily now. What will happen next?
Voice cast for this chapter:
* Feldspar - Tom McGrath (Skipper in Madagascar)
Please R&R. Until next time!