Duran-kun and Kiyo-chan's Omake Theater!

(featuring the Kuga-Fujino family pets)

Something, Duran decided, was definitely wrong with Natsuki Kuga.

An attentive dog, even if that dog was technically a wolf (the JKC did not yet recognize breeds with integrated firearms, which seemed very prejudiced from his point of view), was always very sensitive to his owner's moods. Natsuki had many moods: her happy mood, her scowly mood, her blushing mood, her glaring mood, her inexplicable tolerance of the postman mood…but the current mood was one Duran did not quite understand. She wasn't happy, but she didn't seem angry or upset, either. She didn't seem to be injured, but she was twitchy, clearly uncomfortable. Moreover, she'd been getting steadily worse throughout the course of the meal. She'd sat down to dinner slightly on edge, and had been getting more and more…agitated, perhaps…as it progressed.

Meanwhile, at the other end of the table, Shizuru Fujino had maintained an admirable calm. She flowed naturally from soup to egg rolls to scallion pancakes to some sort of chicken dish with mushrooms and pea pods that smelled like it would go really well served in a dog dish over kibble, her posture never changing, her expression serene, her movements deft.

"Arrgh!" Natsuki finally exploded as Shizuru transferred the last of her rice to her mouth. "How are you doing that?"

Shizuru raised her eyebrows.

"I was not aware that I was doing anything?"

She did not preface her statement with an ara, use Natsuki's name where a second-person pronoun (or no word at all) would have been more appropriate, or use any of the half-dozen other little mannerisms that would (or should) give away to Natsuki that she was teasing. On the contrary, it appeared that she was being entirely truthful.

Which did not do Natsuki any favors at all.

"You're being so calm!"

Shizuru blinked.

"Was I not supposed to be calm? We have no major events coming up, exams are still over a month off, the household finances are in order, and we even took care of our immediate shopping projects this afternoon, which is why Natsuki graciously suggested ordering take-out to save me the trouble of cooking dinner when I was tired from a day at the stores." She smiled at that, her expression almost shy. "I thought that was very sweet of you."

"But then you picked Chinese!"

"I like Chinese-American food. It offers Asian flavors that are still different from our own domestic cuisine, and has some of the heartiness of Western food without the full Western experience of, say, a double burger, loaded, with a side of fries."

Natsuki fixed her with a glare. It wasn't quite the patented Kuga Death Glare (that never worked on her girlfriend, anyway), but it definitely carried serious intent.

"Shizuru, you and I have been a couple for nearly two years now, and during that time, every time we've gotten Chinese for dinner you've used your fortune, or mine, or both as a clever excuse for why destiny demands we immediately go at it like bunnies. You ordering Chinese is as good as announcing your intent to carry out one, or possibly several, of your most depraved fantasies as soon as the meal's over!"

Shizuru once again blinked in confusion.

"Um…" she began.

Natsuki stared back at her. It was like a paleontologist finding a new species of dinosaur, she was witness to such a rare event. Somehow, some way, she had managed to render Shizuru Fujino struck speechless.

"Natsuki…"

'Yes?"

"As you say, we have been dating for nearly two years now, the two most wonderful years of my life. So…"

"So?" Natsuki prompted.

"Haven't you noticed that, unless one of us is ill or extremely tired or has a truly meaningful appointment or deadline to meet, I always intend to carry out as many of my most depraved fantasies with you as is humanly possible?"

It was Natsuki's turn to blink in confusion.

Because, well, while Shizuru was capable of presenting the surface of an elegant Kyoto lady at the drop of a hat, her flirtatious teasing of Natsuki was completely sincere. While she enjoyed the embarrassed reactions she could provoke from her girlfriend and found them endearingly cute, Shizuru was absolutely willing (and eager!) to follow through on her amorous intimations if offered the least invitation to do so.

Or, in other words, it wasn't "takeout Chinese food and fortune cookies inflamed Shizuru," but rather that they happened to be what she seized upon as a convenient excuse because they were there. Or to paraphrase Shakespeare, the horniness was not in Shizuru's dinner, but in herself.

"Natsuki…" Shizuru said, piecing things together, "have you been convinced all evening that I was planning to make special advances on you? Has Natsuki, with every course, been imagining the various scenarios that might play out? How I would approach her? How my fingers would slide across her skin? How my mouth would linger on her body? How I would bring her to the edge of bliss, again and again, keeping her poised on the precipice until—"

"Yes, dammit!" Natsuki cut her off. "Yes, I've been slowly going half out of my mind over here for the past half-hour. I don't even remember what my entrée tasted like, because all I could—"

She broke off, and Shizuru grinned at her.

"Yes?" she prompted.

"You know what?" Natsuki did not finish her previous sentence. She rose to her feet. "There's no reason for me to sit here, going through this nonsense."

Based on Natsuki's tone, Shizuru doubtlessly expected her girlfriend to stalk out of the room in a huff of mingled anger and embarrassment, annoyed with herself and not wanting to take it out on Shizuru. This would explain why she was caught completely off guard when Natsuki took two steps forward and tackled her off her cushion onto the floor.

Which was not to say that she didn't immediately adapt herself to changing circumstances. After all, as Natsuki could testify later, Shizuru was nothing if not flexible.

Duran, meanwhile, got up and headed to the bedroom to give the humans some privacy, and to share with Kiyohime the good news that although dinner was going to be late, they would doubtless be getting the uneaten leftovers with their food.

Those leftovers did not, however, include Natsuki's fortune cookie, which she eventually got around to eating an hour or so later to help replenish her strength. She let out a loud groan when she broke it open and extracted the fortune. Shizuru leaned her head over Natsuki's shoulder, her body warm against her girlfriend's bare back.

"Dammit, Shizuru; I didn't even open the thing and you still made it work!"

"Ara?"

Natsuki held up the fortune so that Shizuru could read it.

"'Any idea seriously entertained tends to bring about the realization of itself.' Well, Natsuki has certainly proven that true."

"Not yet, I haven't."

"Oh?"

"We've only manage to catch up to where my mind was around the second appetizer!"

Shizuru wasted no time in allowing Natsuki to correct that oversight.