I heard her screams before I felt my heart turn to ice. My body didn't even hesitate as I jumped out of my bed and burst into my best friend's bedroom. She was still asleep, but luckily the screaming had quieted down to soft moaning in the short time it took me to reach her. I palmed my hand over my heart trying to dull the ache that sat in my chest. She was still having nightmares about her parents' death. The car accident took her family's lives but somehow Lissa and I survived. A miracle most called it, stubbornness to die is what I called it. She had been telling me just the other day how excited she was that the nightmares were almost gone. And while it's true they were becoming rare, I don't think that means the nightmares would ever stop like she hoped they would. But Lissa always was more optimistic than I ever will be.
Her hair was sticky from sweat but the movements of my hand running through her hair seemed to calm Lissa and relax her body. I stared at her for a moment, watching the face I have come to know and love turn from panic to calm just from my touch. Softly I started to call her name to wake her from the dream. Lissa's eyes darted around the dark room for a moment before finding and focusing on my face. She breathed a heavy sigh and smiled softly before leaning more into my touch, rubbing her cheek against my hand.
"Thank you..." She said softly into the dark, moving over slightly to make room for me next to her in bed. I smiled at her to let her know it will always be fine, there was no reason for her to thank me. I would die for her. I'm sure I've told her that one too many times. I moved to lay down next to her, putting my arms around her waist like I have done every time she awoke from her nightmares. I pulled her close to me, breathing in her scent as I scooted closer.
"Want to talk about it?" I whispered, almost into her ear, closing my eyes to try and relax with her in my arms. My heart was racing from being so close, but Lissa barely even seemed to notice. She always seemed so much more composed than I ever did. It always felt so right to have her in my arms, to have her so close to me, and to need me as much as I always seemed to need her.
"There is nothing to talk about. It is always the same. We crash, thinking you were dead, seeing Andre and my parents bleeding, praying and hoping it is nothing but a dream just to wake up and realize it was all real." She let out a shaky sigh as she tried to compose herself. "Let's not talk about it tonight. Let's talk about happier things. Like your little crush at the gym."
My heart nearly shattered when she mentioned Dimitri. He wasn't my crush at all. As if it wasn't obvious, Lissa was actually. Whenever she would get a new boyfriend I would always make sure to work out more at this gym nearby. Dimitri and I got to talking one day and started to tell each other about our romantic problems. I mean all of them. Every single detail. I think he knows about every ex-boyfriend and every one-night stand. He told me all about some trouble he was having with an Ex of his. Someone named Shasha or... Tasha. I can never recall her name because I always just thought of her as that bitch ex of his. I would happily punch her in the face for him if he would let me. I've offered a few times but he always just answered with a deep chuckle. But he was always there to listen to me when I needed someone to listen to my insanely inappropriate crush on my best friend. If it wasn't for Lissa, I am sure I would fall head over heels for the Russian.
I told her he was my crush one day because she didn't believe I couldn't have someone in my life. And while he was insanely sexy, and I mean crazy happily take that God right there on the gym floor sexy, he just wasn't Lissa. Until I got over her I didn't see any point in trying to date anyone else. My silence didn't go unnoticed though as Lissa wiggled in my arms to turn and face me. She pushed my shoulder gently with a huge smile on her face. "Come on! You haven't talked about him in weeks! I know you've been home more since my breakup with Aaron, and while I appreciate the support, you must still see and talk to each other. Don't you have his number?"
"Yes I do have his number, but we never talk more than just 'Hey, heading to the gym right now, join me?' Kind of things. What kind of workouts do we want to try? Sparing tips, that sort of thing. We don't talk casually to one another. He is more like my trainer that I am friendly with." I lied through my teeth. I felt guilty, but sometimes it was just easier to lie to her than to try and explain how much my thoughts raced about her. How she was always on my mind, day and night.
"Just your trainer!" Lissa practically screams as she moves like lightning, leaning on her elbows and moving a little closer to my face. I could feel her breath on my face and my breath caught in my throat. I was silently glad that it was so dark in the room so she couldn't see how red my face was getting. I could feel it burning my face as I tried to even out my breathing. I could see the war starting on Lissa's face, however, as she begins to think of the right way to say whatever it is she wants to say. Cursing under my breath as I prepared for the rant that I knew was coming, I moved to lay on my back to hide my flush.
"Yes, Liss. Just like a trainer." I was trying hard to hide the annoyance in my voice, but I wasn't doing that great of a job. "Just because I haveâ I have feelings for him doesn't mean that he likes me the same way." I knew he didn't. Which was fine with me. It would probably be hard for him to have to listen to me constantly talk about Lissa. It would be extremely cruel, and I may be a bitch but I am not cruel. That I know of anywayâ
Lissa scoffed at me and flipped to lay on her back, acting like she was angry at me even though we both knew she wasn't. She just brought this up to talk about a boy she liked. I could feel it in my chest, a slight burn like I knew my heart was about to break. Again. I knew Lissa well enough by now to know when she has something on her mind. My chest started to tighten as I saw her wringing her fingers trying to find a way to tell me. "Well, I think I might like this guy from churchâ" She started by telling me everything about this man. His hair color (black), eye color (Bright blue), and the way his lips look when he smirks (sexy in a cute wayâ ew). I wanted to vomit or punch this dude in the face, but I just laid there and listened. But my heart was hurting the more she talked. "His name is Christian! I have my first date with him this weekend."
"I'm happy for you Liss."I lied again, once again grateful for the darkness of her room. A date already? Maybe I would be texting Dimitri after all. Seems I might need an extra workout this week. "You sound excited about this boy. Even more excited than all the times you've talked about Aaron. What makes this guy so special?" I tried to hide how bitter I was, but the look on her face told me I didn't do a good enough job. Sighing, I rolled onto my side to face her, propping my head up on my arm. "I just mean, why are you more excited about this Chris than Aaron? Weren't you 'in love' with Aaron for like, years?"
It was a few moments before she spoke, twirling her fingers around each other as she looked for the right words to say. "I don't think I ever actually loved Aaron. What I feel for Christian isn't even a third of what I felt for Aaron. So how could I say I loved him? I just told myself I was in love with Aaron because I was supposed to be. He is sweet but he's notâ" She paused before just smiling at me with a shy expression on her face. "Do you think I am a horrible person? For stringing Aaron along like that?"
"I could never think you are a horrible person Liss." It was the first honest thing I said to her all night. Her entire face lit up as she rolled over to give me a big hug. Her hair fell over my face as I hugged her back, taking a deep breath of her coconut shampoo. We lay in the dark like that for what felt like hours before I heard her yawn. I quickly moved out of her arms giving her a playful pat on the head as I tried not to fight with myself to stay in her bed. "Go back to sleep. I will see you in the morning, Liss."
Lissa murmured something that sounded like a good night before I slipped out of her room. I stood outside the now-closed bedroom door for a moment to catch my breath before moving to my room and grabbing my phone to text Dimitri. I opened it quickly to find his number seeing if he wanted to head to the gym in a few hours. It was pretty late so I wasn't expecting an answer back right away. I put my phone down by my pillow and lay on my back in bed as I looked up at the ceiling. My heart felt like it was shattering and it took a lot more effort than I wanted to admit, not to cry. She was serious about this random church boy. Lissa was never going to look at me the way I looked at her and I felt like it was finally time. It was time to start getting serious about getting over Lissa.
I was startled when my phone vibrated right next to my head. Looking at the text I couldn't help the smile that spread across my face. Somehow, Dimitri always was good at cheering me up.
The gym opens at 7 AM I will see you then
But that wasn't what made me smile.
It's too lovely a night to be sad
And a picture of the night sky was sent right after.
--
I ran full force at Dimitri when I saw him in front of the gym, not caring about any harm I could cause. Not that I could hurt this tall glass of water. l barely even seemed to nudge him as l used my full body weight to crash this giant of a man. A chuckle rumbled in his chest, making a shiver run down my spine. Even if I didn't have a crush on this man, my body didn't seem to get the memo. I placed my head on his shoulder as I wrapped my legs around his waist. Dimitri wasted no time grabbing my legs to make sure I didn't fall to the ground. I relaxed into him and closed my eyes, letting the restless night I had finally rolled off of me.
"Hello to you too, Roza." He said into my hair as he tightened his grip on my thighs. When I finally pulled away from Dimitri, he had a faint smile on his face that managed to make him look that much more handsome. Any smiles out of the iron giant felt like a reward. l patted him on the chest as l pushed out of his arms and back on my own two feet. "Are you ready for a day of intense conversation and a little workout?'
"I was hoping for the other way around, Comrade." I winked at him before turning and entering the building. I loved to tease Dimitri as much as I could, his reactions always made it worth it. Be it a slight pink tint to his cheeks or the small smile he usually only shared with me. He seemed to stay behind for a step, chuckling at my brashness and I laughed along to myself with a bit more of a skip to my step than I had before. I feel bad for still flirting with Dimitri, but he was so much fun to mess with it was hard not to. He always seemed surprised by everything I do, even if I have done it a million times before.
I turned to Dimitri as l put my gym bag down by the lockers. I watched him for a moment too long as he reached into his bag to pull out a towel. I don't completely understand what made me keep my eyes on him for so long, but he just seemed so fascinating. His shoulder-length brown hair which is almost always tied at the back of his neck seemed to hide the tattoos he got when he was younger. The way his brown eyes lighten in the morning light, makes them look more like milk chocolate. He was honestly breathtaking.
"Is there a reason you can't take your eyes off me? Or is today just a special occasion?" He asked without even looking over at me. He always seemed to know when I was looking at him, or more accurately, staring uncomfortably, even without looking at me. I continued to study his profile, taking in the shape of his nose before moving down to his broad shoulders and tight muscles. Even the smell of his cologne was insanely attractive.
"How do you not have a girlfriend yet?" I watched Dimitri stiffen at my question, which seemed odd to me. We talked about everything involving our old or new relationships together. Why is this the conversation that was making him nervous? He only stopped fussing through his bag for a second, however before finally moving to close the zipper. He still wouldn't look at me while he spoke.
"After Tasha, I just haven't found anyone I connect with." Dimitri shrugged his shoulders as he moved swiftly to the closest mat to start his warm-up stretches. He was trying to avoid this conversation but I didn't want to let it go so easily. I moved next to him, following his movements to start my stretches as we have done together several times before.
"Really? No one at all?" I was genuinely surprised by his statement. He was great to look at. Fit, handsome, intelligent. There was no way that he didn't have someone in his life he could even be remotely interested in. "Women must be throwing themselves at you all the time." His laugh surprised me so much that I stopped in the middle of touching my toes to look at him. "Why are you laughing?"
"You see all these women I am fighting off?" He gestures around at the mostly empty gym. "Why don't you just tell me what made you text me at three in the morning instead of my sad excuse for a love life?" I looked around the gym and hesitated for a moment before sighing and nodding my head. I knew I should talk about what had happened this morning but I wasn't excited to broach the subject. It felt so final. Like this would be the last time I'd ever talk about Lissa. Sensing my hesitation, Dimitri gently touched my arm and nodded his head in encouragement. I looked into his eyes for a bit longer, searching for even a moment of hesitation in his eyes. Not seeing any at all, I give a slight nod back before starting to speak.
"Lissa had another nightmare last night." I started talking about what had happened, her nightmare, and her pushing me about my romantic interests; I left out that Lissa thinks Dimitri is more than just my friend. I did make sure to tell him everything else, however. Especially about the new date that Lissa was going on. "I mean, at least with Aaron I knew it wasn't going to last. She was never excited about anything he did. But with Christian... I don't know if it just feels different. I think she is a lot more serious about this one. A lot more excited. It's not like I didn't know this was going to happen one day. I was just hoping I was going to be over her by the time it happened." I finished taking it with a sigh, realizing I stopped stretching to just talk about everything.
"If you are serious about trying to get over Lissa, maybe you should start trying to- to date other people. It might help you to get your feelings in order." Dimitri didn't look at me while he was talking. I found that a little odd but ultimately shrugged it off as I let out a loud, annoyed sigh. I knew he was right but I wasn't sure if I was ready for this. I did not know if I ever really would be. The idea of dating always made me so uncomfortable. I don't come off as great on first impressions. If only I could start on the fifth date with someone I trust. An idea popped into my head and I pushed Dimitri's shoulder in my excitement. He almost fell over with my shove as he wasn't expecting my sudden outburst and he finally looked me in the eyes, confusion written all over his face.
"How about we go out?" I practically screamed, "We never meet up outside the gym and it would be fun to hang out more, even if we end up staying just friends." There was a look that crossed Dimitri's face that I couldn't seem to place but he hid it behind a mask quickly. I didn't dwell on it long as a small smile crossed his face as he nodded his head. My heart felt like it was going to beat out of my chest as his face seemed to almost light up with his words.
"Yes, that does sound like fun. How about I pick you up the same night Lissa goes on her date? I could help distract you." Dimitri gave me a playful wink and I couldn't help but giggle at his playful banter. He doesn't usually flirt back with me often so whenever he does it is almost like a special treat.
"Deal!" I squealed, holding out my hand to shake his. He stared down at my hand before rolling his eyes and taking my hand in his. He shakes my hand once, firmly before bringing my hand up to my lips and kissing the back of my hand gently. My cheeks started to heat up, but Dimitri ignored it and just went back to talking more casually the rest of the morning, saving our goodbyes with awkward sweaty hugs before going our separate ways. I had an extra skip to my step as I headed home, happy to spend extra time with Dimitri.
I returned home at about eleven A.M. with a smile plastered on my face that I couldn't seem to get rid of. I threw my gym bag on the floor by the front door, leaning against the wall as I tried to compose myself before facing Lissa. The excitement in my chest almost completely hid the feeling of jealousy I felt early this morning. Fresh coffee filled my senses and I let out a soft sigh as I pushed off the wall, and walked into the kitchen. My smile faded a little as I saw the cat-like grin slowly spreading across Lissa's face. How did she always seem to know things before I can even get home to tell her? I rolled my shoulders back as I moved to the coffee machine with laser focus. I didn't want to give her the benefit of being technically right.
"Have a good workout?" Lissa asked behind her cup of coffee, trying to hide her smile that was growing even wider somehow. Did she have spies on me at all times? Is she listening in on my conversations without me knowing? Impossible, or she would have told me to get the fuck over her already. I let out a groan as I poured my cup and dumped the entire sugar container inside. I took my sweet ass time to answer her, liking to make her sit and squirm when I have something to say that I know she would like to hear. Especially since it was technically all a lie. This wasn't technically a real date. "Come on, Rose!" Lisa groaned, bouncing in her chair as she put her cup down on the counter, splashing some of her coffee onto the counter.
"He asked me to hang out with him on Saturday," I said quietly as I brought my coffee up to my lips to hide behind. But Lissa didn't seem to notice the difference in my demeanor as she jumped out of her chair and ran over to hug me. She was squealing loudly into my ear as she jumped up and down, showing how excited she was that I finally got together with my so-called crush.
I slowly wrapped my arms around her in return, giving off a small sigh before pulling away. I didn't want to keep getting into situations where all I could think about was her. If she noticed me pulling away from her, she didn't say anything.
"I am so happy for you, Rose!" I laughed a little bit as I ran my hand through my hair. I didn't understand why she was so happy for me, but I didn't want to ruin it for her either. I just smiled at her and nodded my head, going back to my coffee and changing the subject to something a bit more light-hearted. Lissa spoke for hours, and I kind of paid attention, though most of my thoughts were occupied with Dimitri and our little date on Saturday. I couldn't help but smile at the thought, maybe this will be good for me.