Chapter 11
Sweet Dreams
Sam was walking down the hallway with Blaine. He said, "I'm telling you. It's been keeping me up at night. Something's going on with the Warblers. They did all those superhuman jumps and flips at Sectionals. And the round-faced Warbler, Trent, he wasn't there."
Blaine asked, "What are you getting at?"
"I think they rigged Sectionals."
"Sam, you can't make accusations like that without any solid evidence."
"Well, then I'll find some. Hey, do you have any lip balm? Conspiracy theories make my lips all chapped."
In another room, Tina said, "It's January, which means it is now officially 142 days until prom."
Blaine said, "Okay, Tina, what are you suggesting?"
"I propose a Sadie Hawkins dance. It's where the girls ask the guys."
In the teacher's lounge, Beiste just finished arm wrestling another teacher. Then Finn walked in and poured himself some coffee.
Beiste said, "Hey, pumpkin, I heard about the choir room. I'm really sorry about that."
"Yeah, thanks. It's been pretty rough. We're like refugees, bouncing around from classroom to classroom. I mean, without competition, I don't know what else to do."
"Simple. The Sadie Hawkins dance."
"How am I supposed to learn and teach from a school dance?"
"When I was in high school, girls like me didn't get asked out. So, I went to Sadie Hawkins. I asked the preachers son. He was stoned the whole time, but we still had a ball. It gave me the courage and confidence to join the football team. I was the first girl in Missouri to ever do it."
Finn and the others walked into a classroom.
Sugar said, "I want to sit under Venus."
Claire said, "Hooray for you."
Tina and Joe chuckle. Finn said, "This week, it's ladies' choice."
Kitty said, "Well, I for one love this lesson."
In the gym, Finn said, "Gentlemen, prepare yourselves for Tina Cohen-Chang."
Applause. Tina was singing for Blaine. Artie wanted her to sing to him and Sam was stupid. Claire said, "Tina, you do remember that Blaine is gay, right?" Finn made a face like, "Awkward."
Claire says to Marley, "Hey, Marley. You know, we've never really talked."
"Yeah, I know who you are."
"I think you want to ask Jake to the dance, but you're nervous about it."
"I really like him. But he's also working on every other girl in this school."
"We are gonna sing a song together." All the girls start "Tell Him." Marley then said, "Jake! I mean…Jake, would you like to go to the Sadie Hawkins dance with me?"
Jake smiled and said, "Yes. Yes, I would."
There was a knock on the window and the neck-brace Cheerio was smiling and waving at Ryder.
Tina said, "Blaine, I know why you don't want to go to the dance with me. The other reason. You transferred to Dalton because you got bullied at a Sadie Hawkins dance. I apologize."
Blaine said, "Thank you, Tina, but that's not why I can't go to the dance with you. I really like somebody. He's straight and he might not know that I like him."
"Who? Who is it?"
Blaine slid his back against the lockers. "It's Sam."
Tina raised her eyebrows. "Blaine, I get it. You miss Kurt. You need somewhere to put your love, right?"
Claire said, "So…is there anyone in particular you'd like to go to Sadie Hawkins with?"
Anne Marie said, her heart racing, "Uh…I'm not really sure what you mean."
"You know very well what I mean."
"Look, I want to ask him. I do. It's just, well, he might not see me that way."
"He might." Oh, he does. Claire knew all about how close Anne Marie and Ian are. And they seem to be getting closer and closer over the last few months.
Anne Marie's voiceover, "Okay. So technically I'm not a high school student anymore, but I have been asked to chaperone the dance. Since glee isn't an actual class, Ian and I didn't have to get teaching licenses. Still, it was nice of Figgins to give us some applications for them last year. Anyway, even if I did want to dance, I don't want to grow with just any guy. I do want to go with Ian. We've always been doing duets together, but ever since Britney Spears week, all I can think of how nerve-wrecking it is to talk to him now. It's like my high school years just haven't stopped."
Ian's voiceover then said, "It's been a few days now. And the Sadie Hawkins dance is tomorrow. I was hoping Anne Marie would ask me, but she hasn't. Does she not want to go with me? Does she only see me as a friend? Why is Tina super into Blaine when he's gay? And who is that neck-brace cheerleader girl? Anyway, I guess when the time is right, it'll be the moment. Make my move and ask her to dance."
Blaine said, "Tina, these decorations are incredible."
Tina said, "Well, Sadie Hawkins dances are often called snowballs."
The music started and everyone danced. Jake said, "You are so awesome."
Marley said, "You're so awesome. I really like you, Jake. But there's something you need to know about me. I always assume the best in people."
"That's what I like most about you. Besides your amazing eyes."
Beiste said, "What are you ladies doing here? Take it from someone who's been there herself. The worst he could do is say no."
Lauren walked to Joe, "Do you want to dance?"
Sugar said, "Artie, do you want to dance with me?"
Anne Marie said, "Ian. Do you want to dance?"
Joe said, "Yes."
Artie said, "Yes."
Ian said, "Really? I mean, yeah. Yes."
Tina and Blaine were dancing together.
Sometime during the dance, Sam found proof that the Warblers were using steroids to boost their performing.
The girls were singing "Locked Out of Heaven" by Bruno Mars.
In the gym, Sam and Blaine showed the tablet to Finn. "It's not just Hunter," he said. "Every Warbler has gained 10 pounds of muscle."
Blaine said, "You can't just go from a twig to Rocky in a few months."
"That's a fact. Any average male gains two pounds of muscle per month."
"We looked it up online."
"Look at the video Artie and Joe got from the Lima Bean the other day."
The video showed Hunter screaming at a coffee worker just because he put Splenda in his latte. "I freakin' hate Splenda! It tastes like pencils!" He also pushed a bunch of items around.
Sam said, "That is roid-rage."
Blaine said, "It's right here. Chapter 7, subsection 16, rule 4, line 9. 'Any team using performance-enhancing drugs will be automatically disqualified from competition.' The rule is retroactive, so if we can prove that the used at Sectionals, they'll forfeit and we win. Glee is back."
Finn said, "Guys, what you're asking me to do here is beyond serious. The Warblers are one of the most respected teams in the country. Apart from this video and some screenshots of these dudes' heads, we need more proof than this."
"We have some." He and Sam snap their fingers and Trent walked in. "I knew that when Trent didn't perform at Sectionals that something was definitely up."
Finn smiled, "Yeah, he kind of is the sunshine of the group."
Blaine said, "Isn't he?"
Trent said, "Blaine and I joined Warblers together. We were a group like brothers. But then Blaine left, and Sebastian joined, then Hunter…they just chipped away at everything that was great about us. You take the shot, or you don't perform. Singing is my life, but I couldn't do it. My body can't handle heroic levels of testosterone. I don't even shave yet. The Warblers meant everything to me and it's killing me to betray them like this."
Blaine said, "You're not betraying them. Hunter did. You could be saving them."
"Yeah, that's what they said about Brutus and Cassius. If I go public with this, the Warblers' reputation could be ruined."
Sam said, "Look, the Warblers' reputation was ruined the second they decided to use steroids to win. Drugs."
Finn said, "So will you do this? Will you testify against the Warblers?"
Jake and Marley were dancing. Blaine ran back to Tina. Ryder was singing, "I Only Have Eyes for You." Anne Marie and Ian were also dancing happily.
The news came on, and a woman reporter said, "Mr. Clarington, what do you have to say about the steroid allegations?"
Hunter smirked, "I look forward to court."
A man reporter said, "What about the report that says you look way too old to still be in high school?"
Then the bastard tried to attack him.
In the choir room, everyone clapped and cheered. Finn wrote "Regionals" on the white board. "All right, people, we are back! Big props to Sam and Blaine. But we still have to get $400 for the trip to Indianapolis."
Artie said, "It's the Paris of Indiana."
Tina said, "We should so a men's calendar."
Marley said, "Yeah, and it's January, so it's the perfect time to sell them."
Artie asked, "Wait, but why just the guys? Why can't the girls contribute, too?"
Kitty said, "Because girls buy stuff. We're responsible for the consumer-driven economy."
In NYADA, Rachel was getting ready for a part in Electra, and she had a conversation with her high-school self. It was quite an experience.
In the gym, Sam was bring very naughty. Stripping naked like nobody's business, even though it was the dead of January. Why would he need to prove anything? He was right about the Warblers' enhanced performing, he did a good job supporting his family, helping them all get back on their feet. He even helped Mercedes achieve her dream of being a recording artist. He's still extremely stupid.
Someone threw some one-a-day pills at Claire. She picked them up. "Okay, who threw the testosterone? Come on, we're not moving on until somebody tells me. Did you see who threw this, ma'am?"
An older gentleman said, "I'm not a ma'am."
Claire looked at the pills. "You better take this." She gave them to the man. "Do yourself a favor."
Jake and Ryder made "Oh!" faces.
Claire walked to another older man, "How do you feel about Sue Sylvester?"
The guy said, "I'd like to put the bitch threw a window."
The other guys hooted and clapped.
In the auditorium, Jake found Marley with sheet music on the piano.
Marley said, "I wanted to start working on some ideas I had for Regionals."
Jake said, "Don't put too much stress on yourself like last time. I like this song. It's very romantic."
"Is it?"
The piano started to play and they were singing Christina Perri's "Thousand Years."
They kissed. Marley said, "I…I love this song, but…I don't think it's right for Regionals."
In the gym, Jake and Ryder were lifting weights. Ryder said, "I'm thinking about naming my shoulders. Like Smith & Wesson."
"You name your arms, not your shoulders."
"The other day, Marley and I were singing this really romantic song, and right at the end, I thought that…she was gonna say it to me."
"Say what? … Oh. That what. Well, what would you have done?"
"I would've said it back."
"Then maybe you could tell her first."
"No. That's terrifying."
"Look, girls like guys who are vulnerable sometimes, right? So find a way to get naked emotionally."
In a classroom, Sam felt so bad about what he did and said. And he should. But that doesn't mean he didn't actually accomplish anything. So Blaine gave him a laptop and showed him a video of everyone saying what he did. Sam was happy, he and Blaine hugged. Also, he wasn't the only one who could imitate Sean Connery.
In the choir room, all the guys took two months each for the calendar.
Jake gave Marley hers. "You don't have to wait in line. I already made one out for you."
"Thank you." She opened the October page and he had written, "I love you." She said, "I love you back." Then they kissed. :)
Will was coming back around Valentine's Day and Emma was still stressing out about their wedding.
In the choir room, Finn decided to let her help with a diva assignment. Tina, Blaine and Unique were all going to have a diva-off.
The next day, poor Blaine was getting a cold. Tina was willing to help nurse him back to health with a cold-buster kit, which included some soup.
Back in the choir room, Blaine was singing Queen's "Don't Stop Me Now."
The next day, Finn said, "They say that some true divas aren't really mortal, like the Loch Ness Monster or Gollum."
Emma said, "They walk and talk, and they breathe brilliance. So, here is a very special guest diva."
Finn said, "Give it up for Miss Tori Sanchez."
Tori walked in and performed "Nutbush City Limits."
Claire said, "You have got to be kidding me."
Meanwhile, a few days later, Blaine was over his cold and asked Tina to be his date for Will and Emma's wedding, which she happily accepted.
In the auditorium, Tori walked to Claire. "I knew I'd see you again eventually." Claire turned around.
"What are you doing back here? I haven't seen you since Sectionals last year."
"I've been pretty busy. Doing this and that."
"Why are you really here, Tori?"
"I wanted to see you."
"I think you need to be somewhere that's as cool and hot as you are."
"You have no idea what it's like out in the real world."
"Yeah, actually, I do. I know that the world is full of narcissistic screw-ups who still act like children even when they're adults. I know that there are people living in boxes because they don't have enough money to buy a decent meal. But I also know that there are thankfully some good people out there who are hard-working, honest and God-worthy who will do just about anything to make all the badness go away."
Tori smiled. "And you are one of those people, Claire Thomas. And I am very happy to know you."
They hugged.
On another note, Santana eventually decided to move in Rachel and Kurt.
Finally, it was Valentine's Day. Will and Emma's wedding was fast approaching and Finn didn't know what to do. In the choir room, Will walked in and they asked him how Washington DC was. "Great." Then he wrote wedding on the whiteboard. "Miss Pillsbury and I are finally getting married, which makes me the happiest, luckiest man in the world. Finn, instead of giving a best man speech, you sing for us."
In the hallway, Marley said, "I know it's not Valentine's Day yet, but I wanted you to open this now."
Jake opened up a heart-shaped box and saw cufflinks with his initials on them. "These are so cool. And I can't wait to give you your gift."
"I love it already. See you in Spanish class."
Ryder said, "Dude, you did get her something, right?"
Jake and Ryder were in history class and Jake was singing "You're All I Need to Get By" with Marley.
In the church, Quinn and Santana sat down and noticed Emma's bridesmaids. Santana said, "It's a Carrot Top convention." Brittany was sitting with Sam and they waved.
Santana said, "I'm so over this."
Quinn said, "Almost every guy is a prick. Except maybe Al Roker."
Outside in a limo, Claire was kissing someone. "You know, had I known I was gonna get groped in the backseat, I would've changed clothes. What am I doing? I kind of starting seeing someone."
Henry said, "Uh, we're not doing long distance, and whoever you're with, you're not exclusive, right?"
"I love it when you talk fratty."
Mercedes knocked on the glass.
"Tell me that's not Tina!"
The door opened and Mercedes said, "Hey, can you two wrap it up? The wedding is about to start."
Claire put on her glasses and coat. Henry also put on his coat.
Mercedes smiled at them, "You do know how crazy naughty that was, right?"
Claire chuckled, "You're such a hypocrite, Mercedes. Everyone hooks up at weddings."
"Girl, I missed you. Let's go. This outfit needs an audience."
"Chapel of Love" started playing.
Will said, "Emma, I can't find my good cufflinks!"
In another room, Emma said, "They're on my dresser."
The organ played the Bridal Chorus. Becky was walking down the aisle throwing flower petals. A woman with a cellphone tried not to laugh. Claire asked, "Who made Becky the flower girl?" Anne Marie shrugged. The doors opened and Sue walked in. Henry said, "Holy…!"
Sue said, "Oh, yeah. Nice to see you all."
Rachel said, "Is this part of the plan?"
Anne Marie said, "No."
Brittany took a picture.
Ian said, "What are you doing here?"
Anne said, "Really, Sue, you are rude enough, but showing up uninvited to a wedding?!"
Will said, "Sue, what are you doing?"
Sue said, "Emma's left the building."
Quinn and Santana were dancing with Mike. Quinn said, "Should've known a Valentine's Day wedding was begging for trouble."
Santana asked, "Have you noticed that Tompkins and Rivers are dancing closely together?"
"Yeah. They're closer than 10 minutes to 10:00."
Kurt and Blaine were singing "Just Can't Get Enough." Tina glared at them.
Rachel said to Finn, "You know what happened today wasn't your fault, right?"
Claire, Henry, Anne Marie and Ian were all dancing together.
Anne Marie said, "So, what have you been doing overseas the last two years?"
Henry said, "Oh, you know, just doing what we always do. Serve the countries, see the cities, view the lands."
Kurt walked to the dessert table. "Ooh, baby cupcakes."
Sue threw the bouquet and Rachel got it. Everyone cheered.
Finn pulled out a flower. "She loves me. She loves me not."
Rachel asked, "Have you been drinking?"
"She loves me. She loves me not."
"Did you ever see Sex and the City?"
"I think you can't commit to Brody just yet. You're my girlfriend. We are endgame."
They were singing "We've Got Tonite."
Quinn and Santana danced together. Quinn said, "You know, I've never slow danced with a girl before. I kinda like it." Santana smirked.
Will had no idea what to do about the Emma situation. She practically ran off at the altar. Why? Why was Sue at the wedding? Why did Quinn and Santana sleep together? And why were there so many cupcakes at the reception?
Finn told Will to snap out of it and get his head together. Will wrote "Movies" on the whiteboard. "Everybody loves movies," he said.
Kitty said, "Like getting left at the altar?" They glared at her.
Ryder said, "Too soon."
Will said, "Exactly. Or like you all worrying about exams or Regionals."
Sugar said, excitedly, "Regionals."
"I want you all to sing songs from your favorites movies."
Unique said, "Unique knows all there is to know about The Crying Game."
Kitty said, "You don't get to do Les Mis just because you like the poster."
Sam said, "I can finally do my Nicolas Cage impression. Oh, not the bees! The bees!"
"That is the worst Nicolas Cage ever."
Artie asked, "Do you even know who Nicolas Cage is?"
Sugar said, "We should do The Artist so we don't have to sing."
Claire said, "We could sing a song from Lord of the Rings. You know, I have my heart set on Into the West or Misty Mountains."
Marley said, "That one's actually a Hobbit song, but I like where your head's at." They high-five.
Jake said, "You know, as awesome as those movies are, I don't really think it's what Mr. Shue is looking for."
Tina said, "I agree. Into the West is too emotional."
Blaine said, "How about a song from Animal House?"
They all performed "You Make Me Want to Shout." Classic.
Everyone in the cafeteria applauded. Artie said, "You do know that song isn't a mash-up, right?
Claire turned on Good Charlotte's "Girls & Boys."
Meanwhile, in New York, Rachel, Kurt and Santana were snowed in and they watched Moulin Rouge, though Santana wanted no part in that. She also suspected that Brody might have been hiding something.
The guys did a mashup in the choir room before the girls. They dressed up like Tom Cruise characters. Joe said, "You can't handle the truth."
Jake told him, "That's actually Jack Nicholson."
Will managed to find Emma, as well, and talk to her so that they can figure what to do.
In the choir room, Will named everyone winners.
They all said, "What?"
Blaine said, "Why do you always do this?"
Unique said, "This is a sham."
Claire said, "Do you have something against cool teenagers?" Kitty glared at her while Tina and Marley comforted Sugar.
Artie said, "Calm down, y'all. I couldn't pick just one of you. You all have to be in my movie."
In the auditorium, they were all singing "Footloose."
Ryder was chatting with someone new online. Gotta be careful with whom people interact with these days. "Last question. Bear vs shark?"
Katie answered, "Bear."
"Onion rings vs. French fries."
"French fries are the best food."
"You are the perfect girl. Those are the same answers I would've given."
"I can't believe we've only known each other a week. I feel like I've told you more about myself than I've ever told anyone."
"Me too. You even know about my Star Wars sheets."
"So, is anything interesting going on in your glee club?"
"You could say that."
In the choir room, Ryder was playing the drums while he and Unique were singing "Dress You Up" and "The Bitch is Back." Unique said, "Elton John and Madonna. They forgave each other, but their decade-long feud was epic. Ryder can try to be Sir Elton, but you ain't got it."
Blaine said, "Well, the awesome thing about feuds is that you can shake on it and let bygones be bygones."
Ryder scoffed. Jake said to him, "You are a douche bag, dude. In this room, you can be whatever you want to be." Unique is who she is. Ryder just couldn't deal with it.
One night, in Finn's office, he packed up his stuff. Claire walked in. "Hey. I just wanted to give you this to thank you for everything you've done here."
Finn took the thank-you card and smiled. "Thanks, Claire."
"So, what's next for you?"
"I don't know. I'm still trying to figure it out."
"You're a natural leader, Finn. You don't need Mr. Shue's approval. Screw him. He doesn't define you."
"The fact is, he did define me. Four years I spent in the glee club."
"After we lost Sectionals, I was terrified, but you fought and kept us together."
"Problem is I might need a teaching degree."
"Maybe it's not too late to get one."
The next day, Ryder found Wade, Jake and Marley in a classroom. Ryder told Wade that it was okay for him to be Unique. Wade looked sad and said that a group of bitches chased after him in his Unique persona.
"I got home before they got to me, but I was so afraid."
Marley said, "I'm walking you home from now on."
Jake said, "Yeah, me too."
Ryder said, "Me three."
Kitty walked in. "And me. Also, do those bitches even go to this school? If so, I want their names."
Wade asked, "Wait, we're friends."
"Look, I'm not gonna make any announcements, but yeah. We're friends."
Marley said, "Friendships like this are tested all the time."
Ryder said, "Artie, Tina, Blaine and probably Sam are all gonna be gone next year, and it'll be up to us to carry the glee torch."
Wade asked, "Think we're up for it?"
Kitty said, "Are you kidding?"
Jake and Marley hug. Kitty and Ryder high-five.
In the choir room, they all walked in. Kitty said, "What are we even doing in here? I thought Mr. Shue was sick."
Sam wrote on the whiteboard.
Blaine said, "Regionals are only a few weeks away. We can't afford to miss one week of preparation. Guilty pleasures. We all have them."
Speaking of which, Kurt got himself a boyfriend arm. It was an arm plushie. He felt comfortable with it. Rachel and Santana eventually found out about it. They thought it was creepy at first. Kurt told them that he named it Bruce.
In the choir room, Sam admitted to everyone that he was a big fan of Barry Manilow. "This is who I am and I make no apologies." Then he put on big frilly sleeves and sang "Copacabana."
Artie said, "You have given me the courage to stand, well, sit and say that I'm a fan-ilow as well."
Jake said, "Guys, I like him, too."
Ryder said, "Music aside, the guy's got style."
Sam said, "Wait, seriously?"
Blaine said, "Everyone loves Barry, but thank you for making us say it out loud. Go, Sam."
In the hallway, Marley confronted Jake by his locker. "Tell me you're not singing a Chris Brown song."
Jake said, "Look, I know Chris Brown is a douche bag."
Wade said, "I don't think douche is a strong enough word."
Marley said, "He wrote misogynistic Tweets."
Kitty said, "What about that Frank Ocean fight in that parking lot?"
Tina said, "He beat up Rihanna and got a battered woman tattoo on his neck. The dude is a psychopath!"
Marley said, "You actually like his music?"
Jake said, "Yeah, some of it. I like his music and I feel guilty about it."
Kitty said, "Chris Brown's a total powder keg, dude."
In the apartment, Kurt made the girls take off their blindfolds. They were smiling when they saw their plush arms.
Santana said, "Kurt, you gave my arm a sex change. Thank you."
In the choir room, the girls were singing "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls.
Blaine said, "How does it feel?"
Marley said, in British, "Liberating. We only hope you can see us for who we really are."
Artie said, "Especially you, Kitty. I don't think I've ever seen you so, uh…"
Kitty asked, "So what?" Claire smiled, suspicious.
"…happy."
Unique said, "That's because my girl is spicy!"
Blaine said, "And now, Mr. Jake Puckerman."
Jake stood up and Artie said, "Down with Brown."
Jake said, "I will be singing a Brown song, but it will not be Chris." Then he sung "My Prerogative."
Artie said, "You do know that Bobby Brown allegedly got Whitney Houston hooked on crack, right?"
The next day, Tina was pretending to be a robot girl. "My name is Vicki. I am an android. Good afternoon, Jake."
Jake said, "Hey, Vicki. Look, I need to apologize, okay? I didn't know about the Bobby Brown thing."
Kitty said, "Wait. So, you knew about Vicki from Small Wonders, but you didn't know about Whitney and Bobby? I'm outta here."
In the auditorium, Sam found Blaine sitting by the piano.
"Dude, I get it. I know that your guilty pleasure is me. I mean, I've known for a while, and frankly, I'm okay with it. I know you like guys, and if you weren't into me, I'd probably be offended."
Blaine was hesitant. "Hm-hm. You're not freaked out? I don't want to jeopardize our friendship."
"You know, to tell you the truth, it feels kinda good. It's flattering."
Blaine stood up and they hugged.
"Dude, is that a pack of Lifesavers in your pocket?"
"Yeah. They're breath mints."
"Can I have one?"
"Oh, yeah."
Everyone was later singing "Mamma Mia!" They even dressed up like ABBA. Pretty wild, huh?
In the auditorium, the following week, Will held some papers. "Our competition for Regionals. Drumroll, please. The Hoosier-daddies."
Tina said, "That's very clever."
"And from Battle Creek, Michigan, the Nun Touchables."
Blaine asked, "Wait, is that a convent?"
Meanwhile, Ryder found the Katie girl he's been internet chatting with. "Hey. I'm Ryder Lynn."
"Yeah, I know."
In the choir room, Katie asked, "Who are they?"
"The band." He was singing "Your Song."
She clapped her hands. "Wow. You are just the best singer and your arms are so hunky. I feel like I'm dying. But why me?"
"After all the time we've spent together talking and texting, I wanted the first time we met to be special, to remember for the rest of our lives."
"But we didn't do any of that stuff."
"Yeah, we have. Come on, Katie, you don't have to be embarrassed."
"No, my name's Marissa."
He pulled out his cell phone.
"Well, yeah, that's my picture, but I never sent it to you. I never sent any of those texts. Oh, my God, someone must be cat-fishing you."
One of the cellists blew softly.
"Who the hell would do something like that?"
"I'm sorry, Ryder. But please call me."
Then one day, Will said, "All right, let's get started." He clapped his hands and there was a loud bang. Someone screamed. Claire asked, "What was that?" Then there was another loud bang. Blaine pushed the piano. Beiste closed the door and turned off the lights. Everyone in the hallway was screaming and running. There was silence. Blaine whispered, "Are we even sure those were gunshots?"
Artie was out of his wheelchair. Claire and Ian were holding onto each other.
Will said softly, "Guys, start texting, tweeting, tell everyone what's going on. But don't tell them where we are. Shooters have smart phones, too. I love you guys."
Someone ran in the hallway and rattled the locked doorknobs. Followed by another loud noise. They all yelled. Claire said, "Where's Anne Marie?"
Blaine said, "Tina isn't here, either."
Kitty asked, "Who are you texting?"
Marley whispered, "My mom. There's no backway out of the kitchen."
Millie's phone buzzed.
Kitty whispered, "No one's gonna hurt your mom. Everyone really likes her. Marley, when we were doing Grease, I took all your clothes so that you would think you were fat."
Jake glared at her. Claire whispered, "I knew it!"
Kitty sobbed, "I'm so sorry."
Ian started to get up. Will whispered, "Ian." Beiste also whispered, "Ian!"
Ian said, "I have to go find Anne Marie."
Will said, "No. It's not safe."
Beiste grabbed him. Ian shouted muffled. Beiste said, "Ian, listen. You will put everyone's life in danger. Look at them. Look at them. I am sure where Anne is, she's fine. She's tough. She can handle herself."
Outside, students were walking by school buses. There were police sirens sounding. Tina said, "Principal Figgins, I need to get back in there. It's glee practice and everyone is in the choir room."
Figgins shouted, "No way. Not until the police go in and give the all-clear!"
Tina started to sob.
Anne Marie said, "No, no. I have to get in there! My best friends are in there! Ian! Tina?"
"Anne Marie." They hugged.
Back in the choir room, Artie turned on his phone.
Blaine asked, "Artie, what are you doing?"
"If we don't get out, people need to see this. Does anyone have something they want to say?"
Ryder said, "Yeah. Hey, Dad. Thanks for everything."
Marley said, "In my desk drawer, there's a bunch of songs I wrote. I'm really proud of them."
Jake said, "Mom, Puck, I love you guys."
Wade said, "To anyone that ever watches this, never stop being yourself."
Kitty said, "Hey, Mom and Dad. I love you. This has been the best year of my life. Even though it may not seem like it."
Artie said, "I just want to say that I've had the best experience with the people in this room."
Sam said, "Mom, Dad, I love you guys." He thumped the phone down.
Ryder said, "I want to call her."
Jake said, "Who?"
"Katie."
"I thought you said she was fake."
"Look, she's someone and I still care about her. Come on, pick up, pick up, pick up." Then someone's phone in the room went off.
Jake said, "Hang up the phone, Ryder."
The ringing stopped, and Ryder thumped his phone down.
SWAT went in and after a brief while, someone said, "All clear!" They were all relieved. The lights went on and they all stood up and hugged.
Will said, "I love you all."
Beiste said, "You guys were awesome."
In another scene, "Anne Marie?"
"Ian?"
They ran to each other and hugged.
The next day, Figgins and the SWAT team were doing a locker check.
In a flashback, Becky said, "I don't feel safe, Coach."
Sue said, "Honey, you will always have a place here."
"I want to be protected." She pulled out a gun and Sue sat back in her chair, shocked.
"Becky, where did you get that?"
"It's my dad's. I found it in his locker."
"Honey, give me the gun."
Then Becky dropped it and Sue gasped. It went off twice. "I'm sorry, Coach. I'm sorry." She sobbed. Sue hugged her while everyone in the hallway screamed and ran.
In the teacher's lounge, Sue said, "I brought everyone French crullers."
Beiste said, "Mm."
Will said, "I'll never forget the look on their faces when that gun went off."
"I just hope we get the students back. Half of them didn't show up today."
Sue said, "Probably wasn't even a gunshot."
"I grew up on a farm. I know what a gunshot sounds like. Frankly, I don't feel safe knowing there's a kid in this school with a gun in their backpack."
Will said, "Either the gun was taken home, it means they won't bring it back because of the new metal detectors, or the kid stashed it somewhere, in which case the police are gonna find it. And when they do, that kid's gonna be expelled."
Tina and Blaine were walking in the hallway.
Blaine said, "I was too afraid to go to sleep last night. My folks and I stayed up half the night talking, crying and hugging."
Tina said, "Yeah, my parents didn't want me to come this week."
Kitty and Marley were hugging.
Tina said, "I wanted to be in that choir room with you all."
Blaine said, "Believe me, you didn't. It was the most scared I've ever been in my life."
"Me too. Not because of what was going on, but because I couldn't get to you."
"No one was hurt."
"I know. And I didn't want the last thing you thought of me was that I never got solos."
They hugged.
"I love you, Tina. You were there in the choir room with us."
Kitty said to Ryder, "Let me be clear. I did not catfish you. Read my lips because we know you can barely read words. Thinking of dating you makes me drier than the cast of Hot in Cleveland."
Claire, Anne Marie and Ian were walking together.
Claire said, "Oh, that was so scary."
Ian said, "You were really brave."
Anne Marie said, "I don't think I'm ever going back to sleep again. At least not until Sue gets fired."
Ian chuckled.
Claire said, "Anne, when you were out there, I couldn't help but think… I wanted you with us. Safe. Some hero I turned out to be."
Anne said, "Claire, you did everything you were supposed to do. I was so afraid for you and everyone else. But we don't have to go through it alone."
They hug. "I'm so proud of you."
Claire said, "I gotta go."
Ian said, "Uh…look, um…I have some homework to look over before I take off."
Anne Marie said, "Ian…when the gun went off, and everyone was running and hiding, all I could think about was you."
Ian said, "All I could think about was you, too. I almost lost my mind trying to get out to find you." They chuckled.
"I was hoping you'd be okay."
"You too."
"Uh…anyway, if you need some help grading papers."
"Mm, I could use a hand."
Anne chuckled.
In the auditorium, Claire started "Each Tear" by Mary J. Blige.
Finn's voiceover said, "The truth is, I wanted to join the army after high school because I was kind of afraid of college. Smart people go to college, like doctors. The whole thing seemed scarier than getting shot. But now that I'm here at the University of Lima, I wish I'd come sooner. I'm studying to be a teacher, and that makes the work not seem like work. And even in study hall, people still try to have fun."
Everyone seemed to do the Harlem Shake. "I've got the rest of my life to be a grown up. Right now it's okay to be young." He unzipped a bag and found "Puck!"
"Ha!"
"What are you doing here?"
"I go here now. This is my dorm. Right here, top bunk."
"What happened to Lee Hai?"
"Hai's no longer."
"What classes are you taking?"
"Classes? Dude, I'm just here for the babes, some brews and the bountiful betties."
In the teacher's lounge, Roz walked in wearing a medal. "Do you like the addition to my wardrobe? I do. I'm taking over the Cheerios from that Phantom Menace Sue Sylvester. Someone with power had to. Are you still rattled fro, that school shooting?"
Will said, "That was a terrifying experience for those kids."
Beiste said, "And the adults. I'm still having nightmares."
Roz said, "Please, I'm from the ghetto. I can't get to sleep at night until I hear at least two gunshots."
Marley was walking in the hallway and her voiceover was saying that she was finally going to try her hand at songwriting. "Ever since the school shooting, everyone's gone a little PTSD." She walked to Tina and said, "Hey, Tina, you trying out a new look?"
"It's called steampunk."
In the choir room, Will said, "The theme for this year's Regionals is dreams."
Marley said, "Maybe we could do original songs like you did two years ago."
"That was a different time and a different team. Do you guys even know how lucky we are to be at Regionals? We are there on a technicality."
In the auditorium, Claire said, "As honorary Rachel, I would like to call this secret meeting of the glee club."
Blaine said, "Mr. Shue's setlist. It could cost us Regionals. We did Hall and Oates in a mash-up last year, and he didn't even remember. He's lost his touch." Tina tapped her head.
Artie said, "Can I get a witness?"
In a hallway, Finn was making grilled cheese sandwiches with an iron.
Two girls walked to him. He asked, "Wait, where are your tickets?"
One of them said, "Wait, we need tickets?"
"Rules are rules. Wait, you two seem like nice girls, and I don't want you to miss out on all the fun, so I'm willing to make an exception just this once."
"Oh, my God, you're such a sweetheart!" They hugged him.
"Wait. If I start letting people in for free, the whole system would fall down. So I'm gonna need to ask you to pay me with your bikini tops."
The girls looked at each other, then said, "Okay." They took them off and a surprised Finn put them down.
Will showed up and asked Finn to come back.
"Noah. I didn't know you enrolled here."
Puck said, "Well, I'm not technically enrolled. I'm just auditing a few classes."
"Do you even know what that means?"
"No, not really. Gotta go. Good to see you, Mr. Shue." He hugged him.
"Yeah, thanks, Puck."
Finn said, "Thanks for the offer, Mr. Shue, but I'm pretty busy with college."
In the choir room, Blaine said, "Mr. Shue, we've went through your setlist and we've come up with some alternatives."
Unique said, "You're gonna need some booty parts."
Will said, "What's going on in this room? Unique, you need to cool it with the boobs. Blaine, you don't even like my setlist. And, Claire, you look like you're in a motorcycle gang." Jake and Marley looked at her. "Frankly, it's distracting."
Claire said, "You're just jealous 'cause I look like a rockstar."
Ryder chuckled. Artie tried not to. Kitty said, "Wow. That was cruel, even by my standards." Will walked out without another word.
Claire burst into Katy Perry's "Hot N Cold" to berate Will's uncharacteristic behavior.
In the studio, Rachel put sheet music on the piano. "Okay, so let's start with the Funny Girl classics. I know them by heart, but anyways, I just want to go over them."
A familiar face walked in saying, "I always seem to find you at the piano rehearsing."
Rachel turned around and smiled, "Shelby." Shelby chuckled and Rachel ran excitedly to her. "Oh, my God, what are you doing here?!"
"I'm trying to track you down." They hugged. "I wanted to find you before your Funny Girl audition."
"You found out about that?"
"We're Facebook friends, Rachel. You started posting as Barbra, I noticed."
"Look, I know, I just felt a little weird, you know? I know you have the same affection with it as I do and I just…"
"But you didn't want to remind me that I never got to play the role. I love my life. I do. It's not the life I always imagined I'd be living, but I have Jack, I have this new Broadway daycare business, and we're both in the same city now so I get to see you a lot more. I have no regrets. In fact…" She walked to the piano.
"Shelby…"
"My bigger, better dream now is to see my incredibly beautiful sister perform those songs. Just…" She picked up the sheet music and set it aside. "Honey, you can't do Barbra."
"What? Why not? Fanny Brice is the most iconic role. Okay, this is the way to do it."
"Yeah, Hamlet's an iconic role, and it's been done brilliantly and successfully by Laurence Olivier, Kenneth Branagh, Richard Burton, Keanu Reeves…"
"Okay, Hamlet is different. This is Fanny."
"Yes, and they cast Barbra because she was one of a kind. She was an original. If the producers are smart, they're not gonna look for some carbon copy. They're gonna want a fresh interpreter, someone that can put their own stamp on the roll." Well, when she puts it like that….
"Well, I've just been practicing Barbra's entire repertoire, so…"
"It's okay, you have time. We'll find something. I'll help you." She pulled out other sheet music. "Now, this may not be 100% right, but it will inspire you, and any excuse to sing next to you." Speaking of, they starting to sing, "Next to Me" by Emeli Sande. They hug again. Beautiful.
In the auditorium, Marley wanted to sing one of her original songs. "It's not about my mom or teenage boyfriend drama. It's about how friends like you mean to me."
Wade said, "Lord, I am crying already." Then they all sang, although this song wasn't very original, "You Have More Friends Than You Know." It was still lovely, though.
Blaine said, "Marley, that was incredible."
Wade said, "Child, it's the soundtrack to my life."
"We have to tell everyone about this."
"No. Mr. Shue made it pretty clear that he's not interested."
Will started to feel like crap.
Finn tried to fix something and his cellphone rang.
Rachel said, "I wish that you would've stayed around a little while longer."
"Maybe next time."
"So, how's college?"
"It's a dream come true. Parties with Puck…"
"Wait, Puck is there?"
"Yeah, we got out, meet new people…"
"That's great. Really amazing. Uh, I actually just need to ask you about something."
"Funny Girl?"
"I need an audition song and no Barbra."
"You're one of the most unique talents in the world. Make those producers fall in love with you in that moment. I know you have it in you."
"That's exactly what I needed to hear."
In an auditorium, someone was singing opera.
Rachel walked on stage and said, "Hi, I'm Rachel Berry and I will be singing a classic." Then she started to sing her own version of "Don't Stop Believing."
The woman said, "Thank you, Miss Berry. That was something different."
Sidney Green said, "Rachel, in the middle of the song, you seemed to be in the zone there. What was going on then?"
"I was thinking about my friends. That I wouldn't be where I am today without them."
In the auditorium, Finn found Will on stage. He said, "I spoke to the dean of students, and she said she was willing to give me college credit for all the time I've spent helping here. I want to be treated like an equal. Then we bring our best and get another trophy."
Will said, "That all seems fair." They hug.
In the choir room, Will said, "Looking good, Unique. You too, Tina. Very Jules Verne. Claire, you look good, too."
Claire said, "Oh, you noticed, did you?"
"I deserve that."
Everyone sat down.
"Twenty years ago, I was in this room. Mrs. Adler." Jake looked at her photo, stunned.
"She always mumbled to herself, but we loved her. This choir room always felt like home, mostly because we just loved her choice of music. And I'm really sorry that I made you feel like you don't have a voice in this room. You do. Every single one of you. And I know someone else who does, too."
Finn walked in and everyone cheered. Artie said, "My man!"
Will said, "Finn and I are gonna be working together as a team, equal partners."
Finn said, "And we will not rest until you've earned your rightful spot at Nationals."
Everyone clapped again and Ryder jumped in his chair.
Will said, "Marley, I want you to teach us one of your original songs."
Everyone clapped again. Jake hugged her.
Rachel was checking her phone for updates. Kurt pulls cookies out of the oven. He asked, "So, what exactly is Broadway daycare?"
"All the show people who have kids while they're rehearsing or performing, they send them to Shelby's studio and she teaches them dance routines and songs. Sometimes they even do theater games. It's like fame for toddlers."
"Well, no news is good news, right?"
"At this point, if I haven't heard anything…" She pushes her phone.
"Do you regret not singing Barbra for the audition?"
"No way. Honestly, something so special and magical happened in that room. It was like those producers are too narrow-minded or star-obsessed." Her phone buzzed. "Oh, my God." She picked it up. "What do I do? What do I do?"
"Um, answer it, answer it."
"Hello? Uh, yes, this is she. Yeah, of-of course. Yes."
Kurt was eating a cookie.
"Thank you so much, thank you. It was one of the producers."
"And?"
"I got a callback for Fanny!"
"Oh!" They started jumping, yelling and hugging. "You did it!"
In the auditorium, they were all singing "Outcast."
One day, Rachel was pouring some water for tea and said, "Hey, Mr. Shue, it's Rachel."
In the teacher's lounge, Will opened the fridge. "Rachel, hey. Just gearing up for Regionals."
"Well, I wanted you to be the first to know even before Kurt, Finn or my dads. I got my first callback this morning."
"Wait, did you get Fanny Brice?!"
"No, not yet. It's between me and two other girls."
"Oh, that is incredible news, Rachel."
"I sang Don't Stop Believing for my audition and I was thinking about the first week in glee club, how great we all were."
"Rachel, I am so proud of you."
"And when I'm accepting my Tony Award at Radio City and I forget to thank you, thank you."
"Thank you."
In the choir room, he said, "I just got some wonderful news from Rachel. She got her Funny Girl callback this morning."
Everyone clapped and cheered.
"And that's not the only good news. Brittany is touring MIT because she got early acceptance."
Kitty said, "That can't be true." Artie looked surprised.
Will continued, "I also re-proposed to Emma and we decided to have the wedding after Regionals."
Tina said, "I have wonderful news, too. I got waitlisted at the Columbus Veterinary School of Medicine."
Wade said, "Bless her heart."
Will said, "Tina, that is wonderful news. We are going to spend this week singing songs from one of the greatest music men of all time."
Ryder said, "Yeah! It's a Stevie Wonder week."
In related news, Kurt came home with Mercedes and Mike. Mercedes got a record deal and is doing a new music video. Artie also got acceptance into film school. Kitty offered her moral support.
In the auditorium, Mercedes was about to perform. She said, "Now, the reason you all lost Sectionals was because you were afraid."
Claire said, "No, the reason we lost was that Finn picked a terrible song. I sang my first real solo that night, MJ, and if it wasn't for me, we all would've been kicked off. Granted, we still got second place, but it still saved us from being disqualified."
Mercedes said, "Okay, Claire, first of all, respect. But respect alone will not be enough to help you all win. For instance, Marley, you have killer vocals. So why is it I've never heard you sing Mercedes Jones-style."
Marley said, "I don't know. I guess I've been afraid to try."
"Exactly. Fear of belting out. I am gonna teach you the right breath control."
Marley belted a strong note. Mercedes was surprised and impressed. She told her, "If you have better breath control, you can hold that note every time."
They were all singing "As."
Artie came home one day to find Kitty talking with his mother.
"Mom, I'm home."
"Hi, Artie."
Kitty said, "Guess I beat you here. Your mom's totally on board with you going to the Brooklyn Film Academy next year."
"Honey, why would you hide something like this from me?"
Kitty got up and left. "Looks like you two have a lot to talk about.
Mrs. Abrams said, "Why would you tell people I'm afraid to let you go to New York?"
Artie said, "Because I'm afraid to go, okay?"
"Artie, you have never been afraid of anything. You've always been capable. You have always adapted here, and you will adapt in New York."
"I don't want to leave you alone. After the accident, you've always been sheltering me, and it just feels selfish that the thanks I give is packing up and leaving."
"Oh, honey, that's exactly what I want. You've been dreaming about making movies since you were a kid. But if you ever imply that I'm an old hag again, I'll tip you over."
"I love you."
"I love you, too."
Artie is a good director sometimes. He just needs the right sense and the right motivation.
Rachel was walking with Cassie July. "I'm in a hell of a mood today."
"You've been wrong about me all year, and you're gonna be wrong again."
In the dance studio, everyone was gathered around. "What's this?"
July said, "This is your midterm. We are the best of the best and we will make no mistake. We get through it together and celebrate each other when there's big news. And this is big news. You danced your way through the fire all year…and you're still standing tall. So we are gonna get you through this midterm so you can kick some NYADA ass at your first Broadway callback!"
The others cheered and whooped. Rachel smiled, "Oh, my God!" Some signs read, "Think Barbra!" "Break a leg." "Give them hell, Rachel!" "Rachel = Fanny." July was singing "Everything's Alright." Everyone danced.
The next day, in the choir room, Mercedes said, "What are you all doing for Regionals?"
Wade said, "Riff, ruff and grunt."
Marley said, Emote!"
Ryder said, "Commit."
Jake said, "Step up to the plate and embrace our talent."
Claire said, "Kill it, revive it and kill it again."
Mike said, "I'm impressed, Claire. You've really stepped up your game."
Artie said, "And just like Mercedes Jones here, passion."
In the studio, Rachel stomped a cane on the floor.
July asked, "What's that?"
"A gift. I got it at the Broadway flea market. This is Debbie Allen's original cane from Fame the movie. I wanted to thank you for what you did."
"You mean the number? That's NYADA tradition."
"Not the number."
"I've busted your ass since September."
"You made me a better dancer. That's why I came to NYADA. To be challenged and to work with the best of the best."
"I saw something in you. The first day, I thought this one looks special. That's why I'm so relentless."
"Even the whole Brody thing?"
"That was because of his abs."
"But yours are so much better."
"When's your callback?"
"Next week. I am so nervous, Cassie. I've never wanted anything more."
"You'll get the lead. I know you will, Rachel." They hugged and she walked out.
Kurt asked, "What's up?" Blaine said, "This is gonna take a lot of courage, but would you mind sticking around for Regionals?"
"Oh. Yeah, of course. You had to know I would've said yes, right? It's been a wonderful week."
"And with you, a wonderful life."
In the auditorium, everyone dressed brightly and sang "For Once in My Life."
While at MIT, Brittany was sitting in a dark room. Two professors walked in. "Thank you for waiting, Miss Pierce."
"Please just call me Brittany."
"Brittany. This is Dr. Leonard Halpman. I am Dr. Donald Langdon, the dean of the mathematics department."
Dr. Halpman said, "Brittany, when we heard about your near-perfect SAT score, we were a little skeptical."
"A 0.2 grade point average is practically unheard of."
"You never got higher than a D-minus."
Brittany asked, "Is that why I had to take that math test this morning?"
Dr. Langdon said, "We needed to see for ourselves if you were MIT material."
Dr. Halpman explained, "Brittany, you lack a basic understanding of even the simplest arithmetic."
"However, we would like to ask you about all these numbers you've written on the back."
Brittany said, "Yeah, I don't know. I didn't know any of the answers, so I just had all these number swirling around in my head. I decided to write them all down so that my head would stop feeling all tingly."
Jill closed the blinds.
Dr. Halpman said, "Brittany, these are no ordinary series of numbers. When you start in the upper left corner and read it from left to right, it's a prime number."
"Okay."
Dr. Langdon stated, "Normally, you'd need a super computer to find a prime number that large."
Brittany nodded, "Totes."
Dr. Halpman continued, "But when you start from the upper right and read it from right to left, you get Avogadro's constant."
"Sweet."
"That's not even the most amazing part. When you start at the lower left corner and read it counter-clockwise, you get Planck's constant, which is fundamental unit of measurement in quantum mechanics."
Dr Langdon said, "What we are not calling the Brittany Code will go down in history as the most important scientific breakthrough of the 21st century."
Brittany said, "Oh, my God. That is…totally amazing." How about that? Brittany actually achieved and accomplished something. Who would've thought that writing a bunch of random numbers could lead to a whole bunch of constants?
Dr Halpman sat down. Dr. Langdon said, "Brittany, we would like to present to you a very unusual proposition."
Brittany seemed intrigued.
Ryder said, "Can you at least tell me your name?"
Kitty said, "It's me, Kitty."
Blaine said, "It's me, Blaine."
Wade said, "Oh, it's Unique, baby."
Tina said, "Sorry."
Sam said, "Meet me behind the piano in five minutes."
Marley said, "Please don't be mad at me."
Ryder still had no idea who was cat-fishing him. He was starting to get pissed off.
In the choir room, Will said, "Okay, guys, it's finally here. Regionals." They clapped. "I just found out for safety reasons due to late-season tornadoes, Indianapolis has declined to host the competition. So, as defending champions, we're having Regionals here."
Artie said, "Home court advantage, yo!"
"And because of a sexting scandal at Lady of Perpetual Loneliness, the Nun Touchables have been disconnected by their new Pope. They've been replaced by the world-famous boys at Ziegler Prep, the Waffle-Toots."
Claire said, "Wait, wait. Seriously?"
Blaine said, "They're really good."
Will said, "The Hoosier-daddies are still the odds-on favorite. Their lead vocalist, Frida Romero, is a juggernaut of talent. This is our moment. Take a moment. Rachel has her final callback for Funny Girl today."
Rachel said, "Hi, my name is Rachel Berry and I'll be auditioning for the role of Fanny Brice. I will be singing To Love You More by Celine Dion." The music started and Rachel, of course, gave the best rendition. One of them was stunned. The woman who let her in said, "Thank you, Rachel. We'll let you know."
Rachel nodded, and as soon as she walked out of the room, someone was clapping.
Footsteps sounded and a familiar voice chuckled. "That was the best audition I've ever heard."
"Do I know you?"
A familiar face came into view. "I cannot think of a better choice for Fanny Brice."
Rachel smiled and said, "Oh, my God." She ran and jumped to hug him.
Jack grunted and spun around.
"Oh, Jack."
In the hallway, Blaine was telling Sam that he was proposing to Kurt.
Sam said, "Dude, are you talking about a marriage proposal? We're still in high school. It's not time yet."
Blaine said, "You sound like the rest of the world. I'm not asking for your permission. And I didn't hear anyone complaining when you proposed to Brittany."
"One, we were never officially married, and two, we thought the world was ending."
"I was kinda hoping you would be my best man."
"Then as your best friend, let me remind you that a couple weeks ago, you were confused."
In the choir room, Marley said to Jake, "Someone has to do the right thing here."
Will said, "Eight, nine, ten… uh, are Sugar and Joe here?"
Sugar said, "Present, Mr. Shue." They walked in and they all cheered. She ran to Claire and they hugged.
Will said, "I organized our setlist. We are doing I Love It by Icona Pop."
Sugar said, "I love it!"
"Yeah, and we will also do Hall of Fame by the Script and Will-I-Am. And Marley's original song, All or Nothing."
They all cheered.
Ryder said, "Mr. Shue, I gotta say something."
"Okay."
"Look, I'm not performing at Regionals until the catfish reveals themselves. I'm serious. I can't take it anymore. It's eating at me. Someone in this room is playing games with me and I need it to stop!"
Sugar said, "Someone just say who it is."
Tina said, "I don't think it's any of us."
Ryder shouted, "Everyone pull out your phones right now!"
Blaine said, "Ryder, calm down, man. I know this is upsetting."
Kitty said, "No one's going to admit it for fear of getting murdered."
Ryder said, "I've told this person everything and I want to know who it is."
Artie said, "It's not me."
Ryder started kicking a table.
Jake said, "Ryder!"
Claire stood up. "It's me! I'm the catfish."
Ryder said, "What? No."
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean for this."
Jake said, "Ryder, just take it easy, okay?"
Ryder scoffed, "What, you're defending her? Are you kidding me?" He picked up his backpack and walked out.
Will said, "Ryder."
Wade and Marley looked around. Joe said nothing.
Blaine said, "Claire, that's messed up."
Claire said, "What was I supposed to do? He was gonna knock the footrest over." Tina raised her eyebrows.
Blaine walked into a ring shop and tried to find the perfect ring with Tina.
A familiar woman said, "Those are engagement rings."
Blaine said, "That's good because I am looking to get engaged."
"I am constantly telling my nieces and nephews to wear condoms."
"It's for my boyfriend."
Tina said, "And I'm not pregnant."
Blaine said, "I love him."
Jan said, "Tell me about your man."
"Really?"
"Is he your soul mate?"
"Yes."
"Well, I met my girlfriend Liz when we were 18. It was at a Styx concert. We've been together ever since. It doesn't matter how young or old you are. True love is true love."
Sam walked in. "Dude."
Blaine said, "Don't try to stop me, I'm doing this."
"Look, I want to support you. So if you want to do this, I'm helping you pick out the ring."
Rachel poured Jack some coffee on afternoon. "What the heck are you doing here?"
"I wanted to see you. I wanted to see your apartment. I wanted to know how you and Kurt were doing."
"Well, for starters, I passed my first NYADA classes with flying colors."
"I'll bet," he smiled.
"Then there's the whole Kurt and Blaine situation. I really hope those two aren't on the rocks anymore. They didn't want to jeopardize anything with the whole long-distance thing."
"Yeah. Where is Kurt?"
"Oh, he went back to Lima for Regionals. And then there's Santana."
"Wait, her too?"
"It's been a rocky road. But yeah, as for Funny Girl, that was my final callback. But what about you? We haven't talked much since last year."
"Well, you know, with everything that's been going on around here, Shelby just started the Broadway daycare business a few months ago, so I decided I should get a new job, too. I've been teaching calculus to college students and balancing checkbooks at a bank."
"You're working in a bank?"
"Well, part-time. I think I've been doing pretty well. They even asked me to come back to LA to work economics again."
"I've missed you so much."
Jack put his hand on her face and she held his arm.
"I…um, ahem. Well, everyone will be happy to see you." She started to walk, but stopped when Jack said… "Rachel, I didn't just come all the way here because I wanted to see you. I also wanted to find you because I wanted to ask your permission for something."
Rachel looked confused for a second, then raised her eyebrows in surprise. "Jack," she smiled, "you don't need to ask my permission for anything. But if this is for what I think it is…"
Jack reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out a black ring box. He opened it and showed a big diamond ring. Rachel put her hand on her chest and the other over her mouth. "Do you think she'll like it?" he asked her.
"Are you kidding me? It's big, bright and beautiful. She's going to love it!" She hugged him. "Jack! You're going to make her the happiest woman in the world."
"You do know, though, that since Shelby's your sister, that would technically make me your brother-in-law."
"I don't even care." She kissed his cheek and hugged him again. "I can't wait to welcome you to the family."
"Didn't you already?"
In Breadstix, Kurt and Blaine were having dinner with Jan and Liz.
Jan said, "It was love at first Styx."
Liz said, "We grew up in the same town. We went to the same high school."
Kurt said, "You guys are like a Nora Ephron movie."
Jan said, "Exactly."
Blaine said, "Did you guys go to prom together?"
"Well, we went together as a group. We took boys, Merle and Tommy."
"Oh, those poor boys."
"They had no idea what was going on."
Liz said, "It was a different time then. There were no gay clubs at school."
"Somehow we always found a way."
"We went through college."
"We saw all the sights, and then we decided we liked Ohio the best."
"We bought that house in Lima. We've seen everything from that porch."
"Remember when we couldn't even hold hands in public?"
"Oh, yeah."
Kurt said, "You guys are so sweet."
Blaine said, "I was shopping with Tina. Jan and I got to talking."
Jan said, "Would you have married me if I asked you? I mean, if we were allowed to."
Liz said, "I always said yes as long as it's legal in Ohio."
"Oh, it will be. Eventually. In the meantime, there are still plenty of places where it is legal. So, Elizabeth Margaret Stevens, will you legally marry me?"
Kurt said, "Oh, my God."
Liz said, "Oh, honey…yes." They kiss.
Everyone clapped and cheered.
Claire said, "Hey. Can we talk?"
Ryder walked, "Why don't you just text me?"
"Look, I know it was wrong, but you shouldn't take it out on everyone else. Ryder, we need you for Regionals."
"Jake's a better dancer, Artie's a better singer, and Sam's better looking."
"Sam is an idiot."
Ryder chuckled.
"Look, we're not competing against each other. We're a team."
"Why?"
Wade said, "Because…I know I'm not your vision of beauty."
Ryder said, "You…"
"Yes, it's me. Unique, aka Wade, Katie and Catfish. Claire, you are so sweet, but you don't have to do this anymore."
Claire walked away.
"You're probably gonna hit me. But I reached out to you because I liked you. So I got that picture to make you like me back. All the stories, all those jokes, the connection we had, that was all me. I'm sorry I stayed hidden, but I didn't do it to hurt you."
Ryder said, "We don't have anything. I'm not gonna hit you. But I'm also never speaking to you again."
It was finally time for Regionals and the announcer called, "Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, welcome to the 2013 Greater Midwest High School Show Choir Regionals. And now put your hands together for our distinguished panel of judges. Executive Ohio Warden, William Bobby! Football legend, Coach Fingers Shafranski! And number one circus contortionist, Lady Marvelous! First up, their parents are rich and their voices are golden. From Ziegler Prep in Cincinnati, the Waffle-Toots!"
They all started to sing Kermit the Frog's "Rainbow Connection."
Will said, "Ryder."
Ryder said, "Claire was right. I'm really only angry with one person. It wouldn't be fair to punish the whole team."
Will said, "Thank you." And they hugged.
The announcer called, "And now, from Indianapolis, Indiana, the Hoosier-daddies!"
Frida Romero started off with Zedd's "Clarity" and then the other girls joined in to sing "Wings" by Little Mix.
Applause and cheering occurred.
In the choir room, Brittany came in and said, "New Directions. I have something I want to tell you guys. I got early admission into MIT."
Mercedes smiled. Santana smiled at her.
Anne Marie said, "Seriously?"
Ian said, "You're serious."
Brittany said, "I have to jump on this offer before it's taken away. My whole life, people have always been telling me I wasn't smart. But it wasn't until I walked in this room and joined this club… I found purpose. I'm really gonna miss you guys." Sugar hugged her. "You guys are like my family. Mr. Shue's almost like our dad."
Will chuckled.
"Mercedes, Tina, Sugar, and Claire…you guys are all like my sisters. Mike, Blaine, Joe and Kurt, you guys are all like my brothers. Artie, you're like the boy next door. Jake, Marley, Ryder, Kitty, Unique, you guys are all like the foster kids." She sighed, "And then there's Sam. The lost kid who does good impressions." She walked to hug him. "I love you so much."
Sam said, "I love you, too, Brit."
"And there's Santana." They hugged.
Santana said, "Oh, man. You don't have to say anything, Brit."
"Okay. No more cries. Show circle."
They all joined hands. "Amazing!"
The announcer called, "And now, from McKinley High, the New Directions!"
The guys performed "Hall of Fame." The girls performed "I Love It." Marley and Blaine, then everyone else sang "All or Nothing."
The announcer said, "One last reminder: please don't leave your trash under the seats. No one likes a litterbug. Third place goes to the Waffle-Toots!"
Applause and cheering.
"Now the moment we've all been waiting for. In second place…from Indianapolis, Indiana, the Hoosier-daddies! First place goes to McKinley High's New Directions!"
Everyone clapped and cheered.
Unique and Ryder hugged, then quickly stopped.
Sam and Jake did a high-five.
Brittany and Santana hugged and walked together.
In the choir room, Artie said, "We are on our way to becoming a Regionals dynasty!"
Sam said, "Only 24 more of these before we catch up to Vocal Adrenaline."
Will said, "Please, Vocal Adrenaline's time has passed. The present and the future are all about the New Directions. We are gonna prove it when we go to sunny Los Angeles for Nationals!"
Will and Emma were finally having their wedding. Emma was walking slowly with Claire, while the others were humming the Bridal Chorus. The minister asked, "Do you two have vows prepared?"
Will said, "I knew I forgot something. No."
Emma said, "Well, why don't you let me do it this time? There was that time right around four years ago out in the courtyard, I had gum stuck to the bottom of my shoe, and you scraped it off with your credit card. Whenever I get sticky, gooey or messy, you make me feel clean and whole again. Will, just as I know that the sky is blue, I also know that you and I are meant to be together. You are my one true love, my hero, and my inspiration. I love you, Will Schuster."
Will said, "I remember that day with the gum. I also remember you were the chaperone for Carmel High, and the red coat you wore the first time the team performed their first Sectionals."
Emma said, "I love that coat. I got it on sale."
Will laughed and went on, "Emma, you only get one true love of your life, and you are mine. And if you keep being you and let me love you, you will make me the happiest man alive. And can we just skip to the 'I do' part? Because I can't spend another minute not being this woman's husband."
The minister said, "That works for me, I also have a reservation at Breadstix." Everyone chuckled. "Will, do you take this woman to be your wife?"
Will said, "I do."
"Emma, do you take this man to be your husband?"
Emma said, "I do, I do, I do. I do."
The minister said, "Well, then. By the power vested in me and the state of Ohio, Will, Emma, Wemma, I now pronounce you husband and wife." Will and Emma kissed, everyone clapped and cheered.