A/N This is set in the middle of I'm Her, because I had more ideas for that first night. The other half of the night is in Inconceivable Hours. So if you're reading them as they're published and not in chronological order, you might want to reread those two first! Though technically Hours comes after because it's nights over a period of time... This thing is getting too confusing XD Just enjoy the story

Also, apparently Tracy isn't in this one either! Turns out having her stick in hospital is the key to writing stories where she's not present. I'm not entirely sure that's a good thing... XD

Cam POV

When I was changed into clean clothes, finally in clean clothes after such a long flight, I headed into the living room.

Mike was on the sofa, staring into space. I saw down next to him.

"Is that better?"

"A little." I paused for a moment. "How was Tracy today?"

"The doctors said she's going to be ok."

"No, I mean..." I wasn't really sure what I meant. But I hoped Mike would realise what I was trying to say.

He sighed. "She's very ill. She's being sick a lot. She couldn't really stand, they had to bring one of those wheelchair toilets to her to use, and she could barely get to that this morning. I think she might be developing a needle phobia too. Just..." He trailed off.

"Did she say why she did it?"

"She said she felt unwanted."

"Unwanted?"

"I don't know. She hasn't said much. She's not really well enough to talk much."

I sighed.

"Oh," Mike seemed to remember something. "I looked in Tracy's room. You don't have to do it tonight if course, but I think it might need sorting."

"I'll go do it now. Then you can have her bed for tonight if you'd like." I got up and headed in. Anything to take my mind off what was going on at the moment.

I froze for a moment.

The bed was soaked. There were pill packets next to the bed, so many empty pill packets. I didn't even know where Tracy had gotten the alcohol from, but that was empty too. Maybe she'd spilt it, maybe she'd tried to have a drink and spilt that...

I spotted a pair of jeans by the bed. They were soaked too.

"Oh Tracy..."

I stripped the bed, trying not to think too much. Mike had said she could barely stand, and I knew the bathroom was down the hall. My heart broke for her, suffering as she had while all I'd had was a feeling that something was wrong, not knowing what she was actually going through.

I put the jeans and a couple of other items of clothing into the laundry basket, before I took the sheets straight through to the washing machine.

"I'm sorry, I'm having to wash the bed. She was sick on it. You'll have to have the sofa."

Mike's eyes filled with sadness. "Do you want a hand?"

"No, I'm ok." Truthfully I didn't want Mike to know what had actually happened. Of course he and Tracy were close, but this just felt like something I should keep between mother and daughter until she felt she wanted to share it.

I went back and washed the mattress, then left it to air, opening a window to rid the room of the unwell atmosphere. Then I took the box of pills packets and brought it through to the kitchen, along with the wine bottle.

Mike saw me coming through, and immediately spotted the pill box. "Give that to me."

"I was going to get rid of it."

"I'm not having it in the house."

Mike's tone surprised me after his calmness earlier. I handed him the box and he went outside.

I made my way to the sink and washed out the bottle. Really I should have left this until I was feeling better, but actually doing it now might have been easier. Just like ripping off a plaster, getting rid of everything to do with that awful day so we could focus on Tracy's recovery.

As I put it on the draining board Mike came back in.

"You ok?"

"They've gone."

Mike's tone told me I shouldn't ask any more questions. Quite frankly I didn't want to know anyway.

"Is there anything we need for tomorrow? Should I go and get her something, some chocolate as a treat, a book to read, one of those puzzle books? What do you usually take people in hospital?"

"Cam." Mike's voice was calm, back to how I was used to hearing it. "She wants you. That's all she wants. She's not well enough for any of that anyway."

"Of course, of course she's not well, she tried to take her own life yesterday! Oh my god..."

I fell onto the sofa next to Mike. I was home, I'd spent all those hours at an airport and on a plane and in a taxi, and still I couldn't see her. This night was going to be the longest of my life, I was sure.

"She could be dead in the morning, Mike. She could be dead and I wouldn't have even had a chance to see her! What if she gets worse? What if something happens? What if..."

Mike took my hand to stop me from talking. "The hospital have got my number. If anything happens to her they'll call, and we'll go straight to see her."

"But what if we're asleep? What if we don't hear it?"

"I've put it on loud."

"It might not be loud enough! What if something happens and..."

Mike's phone began to ring, and I almost wanted to cover my ears. He was right. But dread filled me.

"Is it Tracy?"

"No, that was me in the ringtone settings. That's how loudly it'll ring if she needs us."

I relaxed slightly. There was no chance of us missing that, even in the deepest sleep.

"How did your work take it?"

"My work?"

"When you told them you weren't coming back."

"Oh I forgot all about that..." I brought up emails on my phone, and found the address of my boss.

"What do I even say?" I turned to Mike. "I can't tell them what she's done, that's not fair."

"Just say she's in hospital and you've had to rush back."

I began to type.

Dear Maria,

So sorry for the late email, today's been a bit of a blur. I had news late last night that my daughter's in hospital, quite unwell. I needed to get back so I could be with her. I know I've broken my contract and I'm really sorry, but I hope you'll understand that I had to get back to the UK. Sorry I didn't get to say goodbye, I'm sure I'll be back in the States when she's better. My apologies again for everything being so sudden.

Regards,

Cam

I sent it off, then looked at my watch. Almost ten.

So many more hours to go until the morning.

"Did you want to go to bed? I can get you a blanket."

Mike shook his head. "I don't think I'll sleep tonight."

"I'm not sure I will either." Images began to fill my head. Tracy lying in her bed at home as she waited for an ambulance. Tracy in hospital as she waited for Mike to come and see her. Tracy in hospital as she waited for me to come in the morning...

"Breathe, Cam. It's ok."

Mike has taken hold of me while I was buried in my thoughts. My breathing felt wrong, like my lungs weren't working properly.

"Wh, what's happening?" I turned to look at Mike, the fear in my eyes clear.

"You're having a panic attack. Just breathe. I'm here, Tracy's alive, you can see her tomorrow. It's all going to be ok."

My mind cast back to all those months ago. The call I'd gotten from Tracy to tell me she'd had a panic attack over me being in New York. I should have come back, I shouldn't have left her on her own, then this would never have happened.

"It's all my fault."

"It's not your fault. It's no one's fault, it's just an awful situation. There's nothing you've done wrong, Cam. Just breathe for me."

"Tracy went through this."

"She did. I was with her, like I'm here with you. She got through it, so will you. It's ok."

I worked to focus on my breathing for a moment, but my head was still racing.

Mike took my hand, giving it a gentle squeeze. "That's it. You're doing well. Just calm yourself."

I took a few more moments, then I could breathe properly. I gave Mike's hand a squeeze.

"There, that's it, good girl." Mike paused for a moment. "Oh no I'm sorry, I have spent too long working with children! Not used to helping an adult."

I couldn't help but let out a small laugh. I had a feeling Tracy still got the "good girl" treatment too, and probably always would.

"Sorry, I'm just tired from today."

"Honestly, Mike, it's fine. Gave me something else to think about. Might want to tell that one to Tracy too, I think she'd get a good laugh."

"That girl laughs enough at my expense as it is!" Mike smiled sadly. "Still, I suppose she deserves it at the moment."

It could never be long at the moment that we didn't think about Tracy in that hospital bed. I could still just picture her there, so unwell...

"Come here."

Mike hugged me tight as I began to cry. I hugged him back.

"How are you so calm at the moment?"

Mike sighed. "I've been doing this job a very long time."

I had a feeling Tracy wasn't the first suicide attempt Mike had seen.

"Number three." Mike seemed to know what I was thinking. "Never had a kid die, touch wood, but I've had three try now." He sighed. "And unfortunately Tracy never does things by halves."

"She's the worst?"

"By a long way."

I began to sob. Hearing that Tracy was that unwell was scary.

Mike sighed. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said anything. You don't need that as well."

"It's ok. I know you've had a day of it. I'd rather not get a nasty shock tomorrow."

Me and Mike sat there for a while. We were both too wrapped up in our thoughts to move, to speak, to do anything really. I rested on Mike, drawing comfort from his presence, and he rested his head on mine.

As it got to the early hours of the morning, Mike finally moved. "You had a long journey. You need to get some rest."

"I don't think I can sleep."

"You can't stay awake all night. I told Tracy off when she said she was going to. Go on. And I'll try and rest here too."

I hesitated for a moment. "You promise you'll wake me if you hear from the hospital?"

"I promise. If I get a call I'll come straight in."

"Ok, I'll try and go to sleep." I stood up, stretching out the stiffness, then turned to Mike. "Thank you, for being here."

"Thank you for letting me stay."

I gave him a smile. Despite how calm he appeared, I knew how difficult this was for Mike. And I was glad that maybe me being here was helping him in some way.

I went and got Mike a blanket and said goodnight, then headed to my bedroom. On the way past I looked into Tracy's room.

The emptiness was haunting. I went and closed the window, closing the curtains to shut out the harsh moonlight. I wanted so much to curl up in her bed, but in its current state I couldn't.

Lack of sleep was getting to me, clearly. As I spotted a necklace on the floor, the simple one she wore every day, it felt like a piece of her was missing.

I began to sob, sinking to the floor. My girl wasn't well, my daughter wasn't well. My Tracy could have died.

All I wanted was to scoop her into my arms.

Then I felt someone scoop me.

"I can't do this, Mike."

"Yes you can." His voice was slow, gentle, though I could detect tears. "We have to. She needs us."

"But we can't do anything."

"You need to sleep, so you can be ready to help her tomorrow. You can't pour from an empty cup."

He held me as my cries quietened, then gave me a squeeze. "Are you ok?"

"Yeah, I think so. Thank you."

"Don't mention it." Mike helped me up. "Go on, go get some sleep. I'll see you in the morning."

I put the pendant on Tracy's desk, then went to my room. I changed into pyjamas as quickly as I could, then collapsed onto the bed.

I was too exhausted to cry. I was too exhausted to think. I was almost too exhausted to sleep.

I closed my eyes, trying to calm my body. Tonight had been the hardest night I'd ever been through, and I had a feeling that tomorrow was going to be so much worse.

At least I'd be able to see Tracy.

With that thought bringing a little calm to me, I finally drifted off to sleep.

We'd have to see what tomorrow would bring.