A/N We're nearing 20 stories, and I'm having so much fun writing this. Like it's such an awful topic but it's just great. Hope you're enjoying reading them

Cam POV

I sighed as I scrolled through the job site. So many papers and magazines were looking for someone to write a column or two a week, some even only half an hour or so from here. After finishing my contract in New York, they looked perfect.

I closed the laptop as Tracy entered the room. She was dressed, something that thankfully was becoming more and more frequent. She'd been out of hospital a couple of months, and I was so pleased with how she was doing.

"You don't need to stop just because I've come in." She joined me on the sofa.

"No, it's ok."

Tracy looked at me quizzically. "You look like you're hiding something."

"No, I just, I was looking for Christmas presents, with it only being a few months away. Just thought I'd have a browse."

Tracy looked away. I knew she could tell I was lying, but she wasn't brave enough to ask.

I sighed. "I was looking at jobs."

Tracy's eyes widened in panic.

"No no no no no, it's ok, I'm not applying to anything, I'm not contacting anyone, I'm not going out to work just yet." My response was equally panicked as I tried to calm her. "I was just looking, that's all."

I knew that Tracy was used to having me around. That she needed me around at the moment while she recovered. She needed me here to manage the house: cleaning, cooking, laundry, tidying, while she focused on herself and managing her own care. And I knew she needed me around for emotional support too: so often we found ourselves on the sofa, a quiet show on the TV, Tracy just resting on me while her fatigue didn't allow her to do much else. She needed me here.

But I was bored. As much as I loved Tracy, and as much as I was never going to do something that wasn't in her best interests, I wanted something to do. I wanted the thrill of a deadline, the challenge of working on something new, the excitement of getting approval from the editor. Every day here was starting to feel the same. For Tracy it was ideal, allowing her stability and security. But I could feel myself beginning to climb the walls, especially when she wasn't physically with me.

Tracy still looked very anxious. This was exactly what I hadn't wanted: I'd known she'd react like this. I saw her beginning to shake slightly, and she began to fiddle with her hands.

"Tracy, look at me please."

She looked at me, tears rising in her eyes.

"I promise you, I'm not applying. I just wanted to see what was out there as I haven't looked for a UK job for so long."

She looked away. A tear spilled.

"Oh Tracy." I put my hand on her shoulder. "This is why I tried to hide it. Not because I didn't want you seeing me looking, but because I knew you'd panic like this. You don't need to panic, sweetheart. I'm not going anywhere."

She sniffled.

"Come here." I pulled her towards me. "I love you, Tracy. And I know what me going back to work now would do to you. And that's why I'm staying right here, to support you."

"I, I don't want you to go, but I don't want to be the reason you're stuck here."

I gave her a squeeze. "I'd much rather be stuck at home than in a hospital. And I know it's so much worse for you."

Tracy pulled away. She curled up on the opposite end of the sofa.

"You not want a hug?"

"No, I'm ok."

"How about some lunch then? Did you just want a sandwich?"

"I'm not hungry."

I sighed, beating myself up inside. Tracy had been fine this morning, and now she wasn't eating. And it was all my fault.

"Please, Tracy."

"I don't want it. Just stop."

She got up and went to her room. There was a little bit too much force when she closed the door.

I sighed again. I should have known better than to look at jobs. Tracy was still very fragile, and still couldn't cope with a lot of things. This had clearly pushed her over the edge.

She'd be out soon though. She'd come out and we'd have a hug and everything would be ok.

I went to make myself some lunch while I waited.

Tracy was still in her room mid afternoon.

I knocked on the door. "Tracy, can I come in?"

There was no answer.

"Trace?"

No answer.

I opened the door. Tracy was lying on the bed, her back to me.

"Are you asleep?" I walked over. Her eyes were open.

"Tracy, answer me."

"Go away."

"No, Tracy, we need to talk..."

"Just leave me alone. That's what you want to do anyway, so just do it."

My face furrowed in confusion. "What do you mean?"

"I know you want to go and work. Well go work, leave me, I'll be fine."

I sighed. "Tracy, I said very clearly I wasn't applying. It was a bit of wishful thinking, that's all. If you were well I'd apply for one, because you're not then I won't."

"Exactly, you want to!" Tracy kicked me off the bed as she brought her legs up. "Just go apply. You clearly don't want me!"

"How much time and effort have I spent looking after you, especially since you got home?! I don't see Mike living here anymore. I spend day and night here, Tracy, it's just constant. I love you so much but this flat is starting to feel like a prison!"

"Then leave!"

"I can't!"

"Why not?"

"I can't even go for a walk to clear my head because I'm scared you'll hurt yourself, Tracy! I can't hide everything every time I go out in case you do something!"

"I'm keeping myself safe now!"

"For how long, Tracy? How long? Until something hits you and you end up back in hospital? I can't do that again!"

"And you think I can? You have no idea what I went through!" She moved further across the bed. "Just go away."

"No, Tracy, lis..."

"Go away!" Tracy covered her ears.

I sighed, leaving the room and closing the door behind me. I'd lost that one. Then again, I don't think either of us had won.

If she wasn't out by bedtime I'd go in again.

Tracy was still in her room as the clock ticked towards midnight.

I should have gone in sooner really. But I'd wanted to give her as much chance as possible to come out on her own.

I knocked on the door, then entered when there was no answer.

Tracy was facing me. Her eyes were closed, but her breathing was panicked.

"Trace." I knelt down by her bed, stroking her hair. "Look at me, sweetheart."

Tracy didn't respond.

"Please, Tracy. You need to get ready for bed too."

"I'm fine as I am."

"You can't be comfortable, surely."

"I'm fine."

I sighed. I had two options here. First was to do nothing and come in tomorrow to no improvement, probably worse. We'd done that once before and it had taken three days before Tracy had completely broken down and spoken to me about what was wrong.

Or I could do the second.

I got out her pyjamas. "Get ready for bed."

"Leave me alone."

"If you're going to have a depressive episode, you are going to have it in pyjamas and be comfortable. I am not having you sleeping in jeans, even if I have to pull them off you myself."

Tracy burst into tears.

"Oh Trace, come here. Please?"

Tracy pushed herself up and fell into my arms. I held her tight.

"Could you help me get changed, please? I don't have the energy."

"Of course." I gave her a squeeze. "I'm here to support you, Tracy."

She pulled away after a moment. I helped her to change, passing and folding clothes so the task didn't feel so much like a chore.

Once she was finished she hugged me tightly. "I'm sorry."

"No, don't be sorry." I hugged her back. "It was my fault. I shouldn't have been looking at jobs when you're not well."

"I should have listened to what you said. You were just looking."

"No, I completely understand why it scared you. I'm not going to look anymore, I promise."

"You can if you want. Just, please don't apply for anything without telling me. If that's ok."

"I wasn't going to do that anyway." I gave her a kiss.

Tracy began to sob.

"Will you come in with me tonight?"

She nodded.

"Good girl." I held the back of her head in my hand. "And if you don't want to get up tomorrow, that's fine too. You're doing better than last time this happened."

"You helped better. Last time you just ignored me until I felt too scared to move. This time you basically said you weren't leaving until I was comfortable and ok."

"Should we go then?"

She nodded.

We stood up and went to my room. Tracy stopped off at the bathroom on the way, and I went and got changed. Tracy was just coming in as I shook the duvet out.

"Go on, in you get. I'll be back in a minute."

I went to the bathroom. When I came back Tracy's eyes were wide open.

"Hey, you ok? I thought you'd have been trying to get some sleep."

Tracy sighed. "My muscle spasms are back."

I sighed too. "Oh Trace. You've not had them for a good month."

"I know. I thought they'd gone." Tears came to her eyes.

"Hey, you're ok." I pulled her towards me. "Close your eyes and try and sleep. I'm right here."

Tracy made a small noise of pain. Then her leg kicked out. "I don't want to do this!"

"Hey, it's ok." I gave her a squeeze. "It's o... Ow!"

I couldn't help but cry out as Tracy struck me. She retreated back to her side of the bed, the spasms increasing tenfold.

"Oh Tracy no." I reached over and stroked her hair. "You can't sleep like that."

"I don't want to be awake all night."

I sighed, looking to my mobile. I couldn't, could I?

I watched as Tracy kicked out again, and decided this was worth waking him.

It rang a few times. He might have turned it off at night now we were so far along.

"Hello?"

"Mike, I'm really sorry to wake you."

"What's going on?"

"Tracy's leg spasms have come back. We had an argument and she's been in bed all day and now she's got these stupid..."

"I'm at home. Do you want me there?"

I turned to Tracy. "Trace? Do you want Mike?"

To my surprise, Tracy didn't answer me. She slipped out of bed and left the room.

"I don't know what's going on, Mike. But if you wouldn't mind coming that would be great."

"I'm on my way."

I sighed as I hung up after saying goodbye. I wasn't sure whether to go to Tracy's room or not.

I'd wait for Mike. He'd know what to do.

It didn't take long for Mike to arrive. As he unlocked the door I came into the hall.

"Where is she?"

"She went back to her room. I don't know what's wrong with her, Mike."

Mike knocked softly on Tracy's door.

There was no answer.

I gave him a nod and he went in.

Tracy was hard to see in the dark, but Mike had clearly been dealing with children at night for a while. He knelt down at the end of her bed, and I noticed she was lying the wrong way. He placed a hand on her silently.

"Mike? Where am I? Why are you here?"

"You're at home, Trace, in your bed. I'm here because Cam said you were struggling."

"I'm fine. I don't need help."

"I can leave if that's what you want?"

Tracy began to sob. Her legs kicked out. Mike gently stroked them through the duvet.

"I know. It's hard."

"It hurts."

"It hurts?" I came over to the bed. "Tracy, tell me where it hurts."

"Her legs are going at such force it's probably straining the muscles." Mike kept his hand on her. "Just relax, Trace."

"I can't!" Tracy kicked out again.

"You can. Shh. Shh. Just listen to me, listen to my voice. Just try and calm."

Tracy whimpered.

"I know. I know it's really hard."

"I'm so tired. And I can't sleep."

"Do you want someone to lie with you? Or one of us could try putting some pressure on your legs?"

"I don't want to hurt you."

"You won't." Mike got on the bed next to Tracy, then lay his body across her legs.

Her legs began to twitch, not being able to move properly under Mike's weight. I saw Tracy's body tense. I took her hand.

"No, Mike, off. This is so much worse."

Mike did as he was told, and narrowly avoided another kick. Tracy turned away from us, kicking the wall a few times as she desperately tried to stop the movement.

"Oh Tracy. Come on, come to Cam's room."

"No. I'm happy here."

"You not want a hug?"

She sat up. "I can't sleep. There's no point trying anymore."

Mike paused for a moment. "Can I, try something?"

"If you want."

Mike led Tracy out of the room and to the sofa. He sat on it, then held her close in a hug.

"Just close your eyes and rest. You're with me, you're not lying down. Just rest."

Tracy closed her eyes, relaxing into Mike's arms. Tears began to roll down her cheeks.

"Shh." I sat next to her, putting my hand on her back. "It's ok. You're ok."

"I'm just so tired."

"I know, Tracy. I know."

"Just try and calm, Trace," said Mike softly. "Just calm and quiet."

I saw Tracy hug him tighter.

"It's ok, I'm not going to leave you in your sleep. Just relax, Tracy. I'm here. Cam's here. We love you."

It took a while to get Tracy settled. Her legs didn't start again thankfully, but I could see the fear running through her body. Eventually Mike got her calm, and as her body relaxed I could tell she was finally asleep.

"I'm sorry, for calling you so late."

Mike gave me a smile. "Don't be. I'm glad I could help." He looked at me closely. "How are you doing?"

I sighed. "About to climb the walls. I was looking at jobs today, that's what set everything off."

Mike sighed, like he was trying to be delicate. "I know you want something to do, but Tracy needs..."

"I'm not applying, I'm not going back to work, not until she's stable enough for me to. She'll probably go back to work before me as she'll need support during that too. And I told her I wasn't applying but she still thought I would prefer to go to work than look after her. Said it was clear I didn't want her."

"She said you didn't want her?"

I nodded.

Mike sighed, then leant down and gave Tracy a kiss.

"I know things need to revolve around her a bit at the moment. I know we can't have her taking something again." I paused for a moment as tears came to my eyes. "But I want my life back, Mike. All I do at the moment is look after the house and look after her and keep everything ticking along so she can heal. And of course I want her to heal, more than anything in the world, but..."

I began to sob. Being here with Tracy we'd been in a bit of a bubble. I hadn't had anyone to talk to, just dealing with Tracy and her needs day after day after day. I was beginning to get exhausted myself. I just wanted something new, something different, something as a break away from everything that Tracy threw at me.

Mike didn't seem to know what to do. He obviously didn't want to wake Tracy, but I could see in his eyes just how much he wanted to comfort me. He looked at her for a moment, before he gently lay her down on the sofa. Then he showed me to stand, and hugged me tight.

"I love her so much, Mike. But I can't do it anymore."

"I know. I know." He paused for a moment. "Did you want me to have her at mine once or twice a week? Take some of the pressure off?"

"I don't know if she'd cope with that. She's quite unpredictable with how well she is, if you had her on a bad day I don't think she'd leave her bed."

"Could I come here then? And you can go out? I can even give you a key, you can use my house as a respite place."

"I can't ask you to do that, Mike."

"You didn't. I'd like to do it." He paused for a moment. "Honestly, I'm missing Tracy, I have nightmares almost every night that something awful's happened to her. Seeing her more regularly might help me relax a bit."

"You've been having nightmares?"

He nodded.

"Why didn't you say anything?"

"You've got enough on your plate. I needed to let you focus on Tracy, not worry about me."

I sighed. "Are you sure you'd be ok with being here?"

"Of course. Why don't you get some sleep and then head out tomorrow? I'll stay here and make sure she's alright."

"Are you sure?"

"I'm sure."

I turned to look at Tracy. She was still fast asleep, though she looked like she was reaching for something.

"I'll stay here with her tonight. Go and get some sleep." He gently picked her up and lay her on him, settling down into the sofa.

I didn't need to ask Mike if he was sure about that one. I could see how much good it was doing him to know she was safe with him. "Did you want a blanket?"

"If you've got one. I don't want her getting cold."

I smiled at Mike's care, then went to fetch a blanket. I returned and put it over them, making sure they were both covered.

"I'll see you in the morning."

Mike gave me a smile. "Sleep in if you want, or get up early and go out somewhere. I'll keep her safe. If you want my key it's in the pocket of my jacket on the coat rack."

I gave him a smile back. "Thank you."

Mike just shook his head.

I went back to my room, climbing into bed. I settled down, my own mind settling knowing that I wasn't responsible for Tracy tonight.

It wasn't long before I fell asleep.

I woke up surprisingly early, actually feeling refreshed. I got dressed, then headed into the living room.

I smiled as I saw that neither Mike or Tracy had moved since the previous night. Actually, I noted with a wider smile, Tracy had moved, her head resting completely on Mike's chest rather than on her own shoulder. Her whole body had uncurled slightly. I was so glad she was feeling safe.

I wrote them a quick note just so they knew where I was, and added that I loved Tracy and was definitely going to be back this evening, in case she worried I'd abandoned her. I left it on the kitchen table, took Mike's keys from his jacket (even if I didn't go to his place he wasn't going to need them before I came back) and left. I didn't bother packing any lunch, knowing I could get something while I was out.

As I closed the door behind me I felt freedom. Freedom to do what I wanted to do, freedom to only have to worry about myself, freedom to not have to stay in an ever-shrinking flat.

I headed to my car, certain that the last time I'd driven it must have been when I'd taken Tracy to an appointment with her mental health team, and before that it must have been when I'd collected her from hospital. I hadn't been anywhere for me for months.

I got in and turned on the engine. I wasn't even sure where I was going to go. Maybe I was just going to drive around a bit. I just knew I needed to leave.

I hit the road.

I sighed as I sat down at a café with a plate of food. I'd had a good morning, sat in the park people watching, my head buzzing with ideas for articles and stories. But as the day wore on I was worried about Tracy. She would have woken up by now, and I didn't want to come back to Mike having struggled to handle her. He was capable, of course he was, but I knew just how difficult she could be at the moment.

I got my phone out and dialled his number.

"Hi Cam. You alright?"

"Yes, I'm good. It's nice to be out." I paused for a moment. "How's Tracy?"

"She's fine. Not quite dressed yet, but we've had something to eat. We were just getting a game out."

I smiled. Mike was wonderful with Tracy, always knowing what she needed and how best to do that. "Thank you."

"Don't mention it. I'm glad you're having a good day."

"I'm not sure what time I'll be back. Maybe only another couple of hours."

"Whatever time you're back, we'll see you then." I heard some mumbling. "Can she speak to you?"

"Of course."

I heard the phone being passed over.

"Hi Cam."

"Hi Tracy. You ok?"

"Just about. Mike's making sure I'm alright."

"I'm glad."

She paused. "I'm glad you could go out. Mike said about last night, I'm sorry I didn't realise..."

"It wasn't your job to realise, Tracy. You don't need to be sorry."

"Are you sure?"

"I'm certain."

"Are you having fun?"

"It's nice just to be out. We'll have to start going out when you feel up to it. Just to the park or out into town. It's nice to have a change of scenery."

"I'd like to do that. Soon, not right now."

"Of course. We'll go when you're ready."

"I'll let you get on. Mike's just handed me a pile of cards anyway!"

I smiled. "I'll let you go, I'll see you later. Love you."

"Love you too."

I smiled as I put the phone down. Maybe this was going to be a good idea. Mike coming and supporting Tracy would allow me the breaks I needed, so I had enough in me to support her when it was my turn.

I began to eat my lunch.

It was quiet as I arrived home.

"Hello!" I called into the flat, then made my way through to the main room.

Mike greeted me as I entered. "Hi. Did you have a good time?"

"Yeah, it was really good." I looked around the room briefly. "Where's Tracy?"

"Just in the shower. She should be out soon."

"A shower... Mike what sort of miracle working did you do?"

"What do you mean?"

"You saw her last night. She hadn't moved from that bed for half the day. I had to help her get changed into something comfortable to sleep in. And then here you are getting her in the shower only a few days after her last one! She usually goes a week at the moment at least!"

Mike chuckled slightly. "I didn't do anything special. Just spent the day with her, talked through some worries and some feelings."

"Fine, don't reveal your secrets!" I chuckled myself. "Seriously, whatever you did, thank you."

"It's nothing, honestly."

I went into the kitchen. "Did you have a main meal earlier?"

"No, just something light. I didn't think Tracy's stomach could cope with a meal."

"Do either of you want a meal soon? Or just something small again?"

"I'll be hungry, you'll have to ask Tracy."

I joined Mike on the sofa as I waited for Tracy to get out of the shower. We talked, though not about Tracy for once. I told him about my day, he told me about some of the antics that had been happening at Elm Tree. Partway through the conversation I heard the bathroom door open, and was glad to hear Tracy had managed with the shower.

I wasn't keeping track of the time, but I suddenly realised that Tracy had been in her room for a while.

"I'm going to go and check on her. She should have been out by now."

I headed to Tracy's room, and knocked on the door. As Tracy called me in I opened it, letting out a sigh as I saw her.

"Oh Trace. You ok?"

She was dressed, but she seemed to have lost all her energy. She was lying down, her hair soaking the pillow.

I knelt down next to the bed. "You ok, sweetheart?"

"I'm just tired. I'll come through in a minute. I got dressed and then I just ran out of energy."

"You can stay in here if you want. Mike and I are happy for you to rest."

"I'll come through in a minute."

"Ok." I gave her arm a squeeze. "Have you got a towel? You haven't dried your hair."

"It's on my chair. I can do it in a minute."

"Do you want me to do it, Trace? It'll only take me a minute."

"I can do it."

"Tracy." I turned to see Mike in the doorway. "Remember what we spoke about."

"She'll leave again."

I turned back to Tracy. "Leave? Tracy, what do you mean?"

"You left today. You didn't even say goodbye."

I sighed. "I didn't want to wake you, Trace. You were fast asleep. I left a note, I said I loved you and I'd see you later."

"And I told Cam to go, I told you that." Mike came and sat on Tracy's chair, taking the towel off the back. "She just needed a break. She came back, didn't she?"

"I, I know, but..."

"She won't abandon you, Tracy. None of us will. We're here for everything."

I took the towel from Mike. "Tracy, turn over."

"No, I..."

"Turn over."

Tracy did as she was told. I dried her hair, then took her brush and gently untangled it.

"I'm not going anywhere, Tracy, I promise. If you're ok with it then I'm going to go out once or twice a week and Mike can come and be here with you. But I'm always going to come back. I just need to take some breaks."

"You probably wish you'd never left your job. You didn't have to deal with me in New York."

I sighed as I finished brushing her hair. "Tracy, look at me."

She turned to face me.

"You have no idea how awful it was that you did what you did on a Friday night. I must have sent four or five emails desperately trying to let them know I wasn't going to be back because I had so little track of time I thought something had gone wrong with them being sent. I was so worried about you, I didn't care about breaking my contract or not getting my final paycheck or anything, I just knew I had to get home and stay home. It would be nice to have something else to do other than just stay here all the time, but that's just because I'm not ill, and anyone would be feeling a bit cooped up after two months in the same flat."

"Then go and do it."

"However," I gave her a look, "I am here for you. I rang earlier because I was worrying about you. If you're happy for Mike to come and visit then I'll go out, like I said. But you still come first at the moment. If you need me here, then I'm here."

"You promise?"

"I promise, Tracy. Always."

She sighed. "I'm sorry. I just, I panic. I need to let you live your life without constantly worrying it's going to upset me." She looked over to Mike. "I think I could manage if you came over when Cam goes out."

"I think we can work that out." Mike gave her a smile. "We had fun today, didn't we?"

"We need a rematch of that game of cards!" Tracy had a twinkle in her eyes. "But yeah. It was good."

Mike gave me a smile. I could tell how much good it had done him already having this visit. Him coming to see Tracy more often was going to do all of us a lot of good.

"Are you hungry, Tracy? That's what I actually came in to ask. I was going to make dinner."

"I, I don't think I want much. Just something small."

I gave her a smile. "Of course. Any particular preference?"

"What were you having?"

"We've got some sausages in the fridge. I was going to do them with some mash."

"Could I just have one in a sandwich?"

"Of course."

I left to go and make the dinner, putting the sausages in the oven and peeling some potatoes. Tracy and Mike soon came to join me.

"Do you want a hand?" Mike asked as he came in.

"No, I'm ok thanks. Shouldn't take too long."

Mike sat with Tracy as I put the potatoes on to boil. When everything was cooking I came and joined them.

"Did you want a quick game while we wait?" asked Mike.

Tracy grabbed the cards before he could pick them up. "Me and Cam against you."

"Hang on, I..."

"I think that's an excellent idea. Tracy, deal."

Tracy giggled as Mike sighed. This was going to be good!

Mike had been absolutely thrashed at the game. Dinner had been good, and we'd spent the evening watching TV. Mike hadn't left yet, and honestly I hadn't thought to ask him when he was going.

As Tracy yawned for the third time in five minutes and rested herself on Mike I looked at her. "I think it might be time for bed."

"I think so too." Mike looked at me. "I'm not in until tomorrow afternoon, did you want me to stay until then?"

"I can't ask you to do that."

"Yes please." Tracy's voice came through quietly.

Mike gave her a smile. "I can stay if you'd like."

Tracy nodded.

He looked back at me. "Did you need a break? I can be here for Tracy tonight."

"What do you mean?"

Mike didn't answer for a moment.

Tracy sensed this was a conversation Mike wanted to have without her. "I'll go get changed." She left the room.

I looked at Mike expectantly.

He sighed. "I know how taxing it's been on you looking after her at night. I remember all those texts when you used to set an alarm to check on her. I just wondered if you wanted me to stay here and you go to mine, get a proper break."

"Not be here at all?"

This hadn't been what I was expecting. I could understand Mike saying he'd take the lead tonight, but not that I wasn't even going to be here.

"It's completely up to you, I'm not kicking you out, of course I'm not." Mike placed his hand on mine. "I just wanted to offer it."

I thought for a moment. The idea of leaving Tracy scared me, but she would have Mike here. And it would be nice to get a proper break away from everything that was going on.

"You'd call me if anything happened?"

"On my life."

"I, I need to ask Tracy."

"Of course. Let me know what you decide."

I went to Tracy's room, knocking on the door.

"Just a minute."

I waited for Tracy to answer the door. She opened it a few moments later, ready for bed in her pyjamas.

"Can I come in?"

Tracy opened the door further to let me in.

I sat on the chair by her bed as she sat on the bed. "Mike was asking if I wanted to go to his tonight?"

"Go to his? Why?"

"Just to have a bit of a break."

Tracy thought for a moment. "Has it been that hard?"

I sighed. "You know what you've been through in the past couple of months. I've been here watching you go through it. It's taken quite a lot."

Tracy looked down to the floor. "Would you like to go?"

"Only if you'll be ok without me."

I wasn't sure if I'd have to come back, if being away from Tracy would make me worry too much. But honestly the idea of getting a night off was seeming like a good idea.

"And Mike will stay here?"

"Of course. We wouldn't leave you on your own, Tracy. Me and Mike are just going to swap for the night."

Tracy thought for a moment more. I allowed her time to process the idea.

"If you don't want me to go, Tracy, I don't have to go." I put my hand on hers. "I know nights are harder for you. If you need me here to be able to sleep that's absolutely fine."

"No, I, think I'll be alright." She gave a small smile. "Mike's helped me sleep before. It'll be nice to spend some time with him."

"You sure?"

"I'm sure." She looked a little worried. "If I'm not will you come back?"

"Of course I will. I'll leave my phone on loud. If you need me, ring me, and I'll be back. Mike's is only a few minutes' away."

"Ok." Tracy looked a little nervous, but I could tell she was going to be ok.

I went back to see Mike. "Tracy says that's ok."

Mike smiled. "That's great news."

I gave him a serious look. "Please ring me if she needs me. I need you to promise me that."

"Of course I will. Tracy's got her phone too, one of us will let you know if you need to come back."

"Thank you."

I went to my bedroom and packed a small bag. Then I went to say goodbye to Tracy.

She was in her room, in bed. Mike was sat by the bed, gently stroking her hair.

"Right, I'll see you tomorrow." I went over and gave Tracy a kiss. "Sleep well. Ring me if you need me."

"I will."

"Hope you sleep well too," said Mike.

"And you." I gave Mike a smile, then looked to Tracy. "Don't keep him up all night!"

"He's just helping me get to sleep, then he's leaving."

I gave her a smile. "I'm only teasing." I went to leave the room. "Night night."

"Night."

There were butterflies in my stomach as I left the house. I knew how challenging nights could be, that this might push Tracy over the edge.

But I also knew I needed the break. Last night had been such a relief not to have to look after Tracy, and tonight if I wasn't even going to be in the same house I was going to get even more of a break.

I began to relax as I drove to Mike's. I trusted him with Tracy's life, quite literally in some sense. He'd make sure she was ok.

Mike's house was quiet, but inviting. I'd never actually been inside, and it was surprisingly homely. I smiled at a picture of him and Tracy in a photo frame.

As I made my way through to the bedroom I could feel myself really relaxing. It wasn't up to me to look after Tracy tonight. Mike taking over some of the load really was making a difference.

As I got into bed I felt calm, properly calm, for the first time since Tracy's attempt. Things really were going to be ok.

It wasn't long before I was fast asleep.

I woke up to my phone ringing.

"Hello? Mike? Is everything ok? What's happened?"

"I was just wondering where you were. I need to set off to work in half an hour and I thought you would have been back."

"What time is it?"

"Half eleven."

"Half eleven?!" I sat up. "I've only just woken up!"

Mike chuckled. "You clearly needed that. Would you be able to get here soon?"

"Of course. I'll be with you as soon as I can."

I hung up the phone and scrambled to get dressed. I gathered my belongings, then headed out to the car.

After everything Mike had done for us these past couple of months, I didn't want to make him late!

"I'm so sorry!"

Mike smiled as I came into the flat. "Not to worry. Tracy's in the living room, but I really need to shoot off. I'll call later to discuss days etc when I can come over."

"Thank you. And thank you for staying the night."

"Not at all. Right, I'll see you later." Mike grabbed his bag and was out of the door.

I went through to the living room. I didn't know what state Tracy was in, I didn't know if she'd had a good night, or...

I smiled as I saw her. She was dressed, she was eating a snack. I went over and hugged her.

She hugged me back. "I thought I was supposed to be the one with the fatigue!"

I pushed her away jokily, and pretended to swat her. "It's a lot of work looking after you, you know! I needed some sleep!"

Tracy smiled sadly. "I know. And I'm sorry."

"No, don't be sorry." I sat next to her, putting my arm round her. "It's not your fault you're not well. I'm just glad that Mike can take over some of the time now."

"It was nice to see him. And I want you to be happy too."

"I am happy, Tracy. I'm happy being with you because you're fighting so hard to keep going. You make it easier to want to help."

"Do I?"

"You do." Tears came to my eyes. "I am so proud of you, Tracy. For everything you've done to get better, and especially everything you've done to make things easier for me. It hasn't just been letting Mike take over, and I'm fully aware of that."

Tracy hugged me tight, and I hugged her back. I really was proud of how far she'd come. From the pale, weak, unwell mess to now, managing to get on and do well, I was so, so proud.

"I love you, Tracy."

"I love you too."

No matter how much time we spent apart, if I was to start these more regular breaks, there was no danger of my love for her fading. She was my girl, and she was always going to be.

I picked up the pack of cards on the table that Mike had left in his hurry. "I used to be quite good at cards. Want me to teach you so you can beat Mike?"

Tracy smiled mischievously. "Deal them!"