A Stolen Future
Chapter Three: Unraveling
The night had started off innocently. Lin had come over to the island after she had finished her shift at the station. Almost as soon as she had crossed the threshold, she shed her armor and stored it in the closet before quickly changing into her casual clothes. She had made her way to the kitchen and gave him a quick kiss before cleaning the mess he had made and setting the table while he finished preparing dinner. The meal had been a pleasant one; they had discussed work, the latest news from Katara and the chaos caused by a lemur breaking into the dining hall. After dinner, they had cleaned up and gone for a walk that eventually led to the meditation pavilion.
At first, all was normal. They had sat, looking up at the stars while listening to the waves and smelling the sea. Tenzin held Lin close against his side as they felt the cool autumn air. It did not take long for him to turn away from the stars and gaze at her instead. He loved how serene she looked whenever they were on this pavilion and tonight he was entranced. All was peaceful until Lin finally turned her head and looked up at him. Without thinking about it, the couple leaned in for a kiss. One kiss had turned into two and soon began to multiply. The kisses became less chaste, and all too soon Lin was on her back with Tenzin on top of her. Neither seemed to mind, until Tenzin's hand found it's way to the tie on her shirt.
"TENZIN, STOP!" She yelled as she suddenly pushed him off of her and sat up, gasping for breathe.
"Lin? What's wrong?" He asked.
"I-I think -I don't think we should go any further." She managed to tell him.
"Why?"
"You know why, Tenzin. It's wrong." She reminded him as she wrapped her arms around her legs and looked out at the bay.
"It's a little late for that now, Lin. I can't even count the number of times that we've had sex."
"That doesn't make it okay and I've told you that before! You should know the importance of waiting better than me!"
Tenzin sighed at the truth in her words. They had intended to wait until they were married but on the night of his fifth proposal to her, they had given in and had sex for the first time. That night, he had fallen asleep believing that she had finally agreed to be his wife, but when they woke up the next morning she panicked and began to insist that they had made a mistake, before practically shoving him out the door.
It had been two days before she would even speak to him again. They spent a full week discussing what had happened, how they felt about it and what it meant for their future. In the end they were not entirely sure where they stood, but they had agreed not to have sex again until they were married and Tenzin said that he would be patient and wait until she was ready for marriage. Both promises would be broken and remade, sporadically, over the course of the next twelve years.
"I have waited, Lin." He reminded her. "Maybe not until marriage like we should have, but. . . we should have gotten married a long time ago Lin! I've wanted to marry you for most of my life! Even when we were kids playing house -you know that I saw it as practice for the future!"
A wistful smile crossed Lin's face and she let out a small laugh as she thought of their distant childhood games. Tenzin reached out and gently took hold of one of her hands. She turned her head back to meet his gaze, and for a moment, all seemed peaceful. Then Tenzin spoke.
"Will you please marry me, Lin?" He asked in a soft and sincere tone. "Please, we've waited too long already. I just want us to be a family. I want to share a home with you, share meals with you everyday, sleep next to you every night -and most of all, I want to meet our children. I know that they'll be incredible, Lin, I can picture them so clearly and I love them so much already. Please, Lin."
Lin's lips parted and her eyes widened as she continued to stare at him. Suddenly, she pulled her hand away, stood up and left the pavilion. Tenzin sat, rooted to the spot, unsure of what to do. Lin had always been a complicated person, but over the last decade she had become more difficult. Usually, when they had this particular conversation, Lin would either tell him her stance in a calm manner or get angry; but she never avoided it. Lin was not one to walk away or back down from a challenge, and yet she had.
Tenzin was unsure how to respond. Finally he stood and decided to chase after the woman that he loved. He ran down the path that he had seen Lin taking and followed it to the family quarters that he had been occupying by himself, since his father's death. The front door opened and he saw Lin exit, carrying the bag that held her uniform. She heard his footsteps, and turned her head in his direction. Their eyes met for a few moments, before she turned her body with the intention of walking to the docks.
"Lin, wait!" He called as he rushed forward and grabbed her hand.
She stopped moving, but kept her back turned to him.
"What's going on Lin?"
"I have an early day at work." She informed him. "I need to go home and sleep."
"You know that's not what I meant, Lin. This isn't like you! You don't run away from anything! Our entire lives you've faced everything head on, but now you're running away! Why?"
Lin pulled her hand out of his and turned around, furiously, to face him. Her sharp features intensified the look of anger to a degree that would make a hardened criminal cower, but not Tenzin. Tenzin had known Lin his whole life and knew two things when it came to her anger. The first was that she would never hurt him and the second was that she often used anger as a cover for sadness.
"Because I am sick of having this conversation! We've been having it for fourteen years and it never goes anywhere!"
"We wouldn't need to have this conversation if you would just marry me like you said you would, twenty-two years ago!"
"Things were different then, Tenzin!"
"What changed? Because we were still talking about marriage the week before my first proposal and then suddenly you weren't sure and you've been putting it off ever since! Did I do something to upset you, Lin?"
"Of course not!" Lin exclaimed.
"THEN WHY WON'T YOU MARRY ME!?" He desperately asked, louder than he had intended to.
"I'VE ALREADY TOLD YOU WHY!" Lin yelled back, before lowering her voice slightly. "I'm not ready for marriage and especially not children!"
"You're thirty-six, Lin! When will you be ready for children, because that window is closing fast!"
"I'VE ALREADY TOLD YOU THAT I DON'T WANT CHILDREN!" She yelled at him.
"No! I don't believe you, Lin!" Tenzin retorted with his voice still raised. "Our entire lives we've talked about children! You used to want a big family and you would always talk about how we would balance our duty to the city with our duty to the children! You didn't start having doubts until you were twenty-four and then it somehow turned into not wanting children at all! Do you really expect me to believe that?!"
"Yes, Tenzin! I do! I changed my mind!"
"No you didn't! You just want me to believe you did, but I know it's not true!"
"Then you're delusional, because I don't want children!"
"The phantom pregnancies tell me otherwise."
"Wha-" Lin looked as though she had been momentarily stunned, before she suddenly started yelling. "WHY WOULD YOU BRING THAT UP? AND HOW DOES THAT PROVE ANYTHING? YOUR MOTHER SAID THAT IT WAS A COMMON THING!"
"No." Tenzin responded calmly. "She said that the cause of the miscarriages was more common than people think, but she told me that the phantom pregnancies are very rare, and are believed to be the result of strong desire to have a child."
"That's a ridiculous theory, and you shouldn't be basing your belief on something that hasn't been proven!"
"Lin, don't forget that I have been with you through every phantom pregnancy and miscarriage, and I've seen how you acted whenever you found out that there was no baby. You cried Lin."
"I wasn't crying for me!" Lin snapped at him. "I was crying for you! You loved every single one of those children so much and they never even existed! They didn't even have a soul for you to pray for and hope to meet again; and I wish that I never put you through that, Tenzin, but I've done it four times now and I- I'm sorry!"
"Stop pretending that I was the only one affected by it, Lin! I can believe that part of the reason you cried was because of my feelings, but I know that it was also because of your feelings! You try to hide it, but every time we thought that you were pregnant, you were happy."
Tenzin reached out and took one her hands in his, while the other went to cup her scarred cheek. His voice transitioned to a gentler tone.
"I saw you smiling when you thought I wasn't looking, I know that you secretly hoped there was a baby and I saw how crushed you were whenever you found out that there wasn't. Those tears were not just for me. I know you want to appear strong to the rest of the world, Lin, but what I don't understand is why you try to hide it from me. . . you used to never hide anything from me, Lin. I want to help you, Lin. Please tell me what's going on. I promise that we can figure it out."
Lin closed her eyes, and took a deep breathe, before opening them again with a look of firm resolve.
"I'm going home, now." She said before pulling her hand out of his grasp and taking a step back. "I'm going to busy for the next few days -don't forget to take care of your mother's herbs, I'll be back to help with the harvest when it dies down at work."
With that, Lin turned and began the walk down to the docks. Tenzin stared at the retreating form of the woman that he loved. He had never felt so hopeless in his life. He knew that something was wrong but Lin was too proud and stubborn to admit it, and unless she did they would never be able to move forward. When Lin had been out of sight for a few minutes, Tenzin heard the soft voice of a woman behind him.
"Master Tenzin?"
Tenzin was startled by the voice and jumped a little before turning around to see who was speaking to him. Standing in front of the greenery and lanterns, next to his home, was a young air acolyte with brown hair and green eyes.
"Pema." He greeted a little surprised to see her in front his home. "What are you doing here so late at night?"
"I was having trouble sleeping and decided to take a walk. . . I -um -I heard your fight. . ."
"You did?"
"I'm sorry." She blurted out. "I didn't mean to eavesdrop, I just-"
Tenzin sighed and held up a hand.
"It's not your fault, Pema." He assured her, as he rubbed his head in frustration. "We should have kept our voices down. . . and maybe taken our discussion inside."
For a few moments, both were silent and the only sound to be heard was the rustling of leaves, wind chimes and the song of a night bird. Pema studied Tenzin with concern on her face, before finally speaking.
"Are you okay?"
"I will be." He replied, with a sigh. "This isn't our first fight. We'll get through it, we always do. . . You're -You're not going to tell anyone about this, are you?"
"Of course not." Pema assured him. "I try not participate in gossip."
"Thank you, Pema. It's hard enough for Lin as it is. I'm sure you've noticed that many of the Acolytes don't approve of her; and they haven't done a good job of hiding it. If anybody were to know about the. . . the phantom pregnancies and miscarriages. . . I think that it would finally be too much for her."
"And what about you?"
"What about me?"
"When will it be too much for you?"
"I'm not sure that I understand your question." Tenzin admitted.
Pema took a breathe to gather her nerves.
"Forgive me if I'm speaking out of turn, Master Tenzin, but. . . you're miserable."
"Why would you think that?" Tenzin asked in surprise.
"You and Lin. . . You fight a lot."
"Every couple does. We're going through a rough patch, but we've been together for so long, it's bound to happen."
"She's never going to marry you." Pema told him, bluntly.
Tenzin felt as though he had been punched in the gut, and felt a familiar anger rising in him. He took a few deep breathes, to calm himself before responding.
"And what makes you think that?" He asked in a tense voice.
"The two of you have been dating most of your lives, and she knows how important it is for you to get married and have children. If she was going to marry you, she would have done it a long time ago. Clearly, she has no intention to marry you."
"And maybe if all of you Acolytes would get off her back, we'd have been married and had children by now! Do you know how difficult you make it for her? You think that you're subtle but you're not! We know what you think about her! You think that she's too aggressive and ought to retire from her job if she wants to be with me! You think that she's selfish, you think that she should become a vegetarian and a pacifist, you all think that she's a terrible person and you ignore all of her positive qualities! She is quite possibly the strongest and most compassionate person that I know! You all think that you're better than her, and yet, while we sit around meditating and living in our little paradise, she is routinely risking her life to protect innocent and defenseless people -most of whom are complete strangers!"
"I don't think that she's a bad person, Tenzin!" Pema told him, defensively. "But you have to face the facts! She has refused to marry you countless times -and even if she married you tomorrow, she's thirty-six! You would be lucky to get one or two children out of her and even then, there's no guarantee that either of them would be airbenders! And I'm sorry for pointing this out but I heard everything and given these miscarriages and 'phantom pregnancies' that you mentioned, it sounds like she may have some kind of fertility issues."
"It could also be the result of stress -which she wouldn't be feeling if there was less pressure on her!"
"Even if that is the case, you have to admit that I have a point. I'm sure that she is a wonderful woman, but. . . I really don't think that you have a future with her, and I think that you know that too."
There was truth in her words, but it was a truth that Tenzin could not accept.
"You don't understand, Pema. Lin and I. . . we've been together for so long. I've loved her since we were children and I've always known that my future is with her. I can't imagine a future without her."
"I know about your history with her," Pema said, "but has it ever occurred to you that maybe that's the problem? Your lives have been so intertwined that you believe that you're meant to be together and that you can't live without her!"
"Clearly you don't know enough if you think that I should just throw all it that away!"
Pema gave him a pensive look before speaking.
"She was born here." Pema said, calmly. "I've heard much about her from the older Acolytes. They said that she was born in the same room that you had been born in and that she took her first breathe as you were taking your first steps. She spent so much of her childhood here that she was practically a sister to you."
"I would not go that far." Tenzin stated, slightly horrified at the accusation.
"Your mother breast fed her!" Pema exclaimed.
"Only when Aunt Toph was at work! It would have been impossible for her to bring Lin to the Police Station and take care of her!"
"And that makes a difference?!" Pema asked. "She drank from the same breast as you and later ate at the same table! You played together, trained together, napped together, and she spent the night when her mother worked late. Your parents helped raise her, and I've been told that your father spent more time with her than he did with your sister!"
"Maybe in adulthood, but that was due to Kya traveling around the world. Lin stayed to help the city that our parents created -but that's beside the point! I've never seen Lin as a sister! Even as children, I wanted to marry her, that's not something that one feels for a sister!"
"It still proves my point that your life is so intertwined with hers that you can't even imagine a future with anybody else! Have you ever even had the chance to know another woman?"
"Of course I have!"
"Besides your mother and sister?"
"Yes! I haven't lived my whole life being confined to this island, and even if I had, there are many female Acolytes that are close in age to me. I've simply never seen in anybody else what I see in Lin."
"What do you see in her?" Pema asked in genuine curiosity.
"She's my best friend." Tenzin replied. "We've always been there for each other. She understands me and I understand her in a way that nobody else can. I know that we're opposites, but we work well together, we balance each other out and complete each other."
"Do you truly believe that?" Pema asked.
"Of course I do."
"Then why are you two fighting? Why have you spent more than a decade unable to move forward in your relationship?"
Tenzin faltered in his response.
"I- I don't know." He admitted. "I really don't know. Something happened, but. . . I don't know what. . . She won't tell me."
"She's been hiding something from you for over a decade Tenzin. . . I'm not trying to be cruel, but you said it yourself; she doesn't confide in you anymore and she keeps secrets. Your relationship isn't what it used to be."
"She's scared!" Tenzin snapped defensively.
"Of what!" Pema asked in exasperation.
"I DON'T KNOW!" Tenzin yelled in frustration.
All at once it seemed that the fight had left him as his shoulders dropped and he bowed his head. He closed his eyes and held a hand to his forehead. When he began to speak, his voice was quieter and it seemed as though he was holding back tears.
"She won't tell me. She's in pain and her hair is starting to turn grey from the stress, but she still won't tell me anything. I'm so worried about her and she won't let me help her."
"Tenzin..." Pema sighed. "I know you love her and it really is beautiful to see how much you care about her. . . but. . . You're losing yourself."
"What- That's ridiculous!" Tenzin scoffed.
"No, it's not. You've become so focused on your relationship with her that you've been neglecting your duties and turning your back on the culture and beliefs that you're meant to be preserving!"
"I have done no such thing!"
"You have, but you're so focused on that woman that you've become blind to it! We've all noticed how distracted you've been and how much you've been struggling. You can barely even meditate anymore, because you're so focused on her and so worried about your future -and it's not just the meditation! You've been slacking in your participation in life on the island, your lessons have become hollow. . . and your behavior has caused gossip. The others think that you've turned your back on our way of life, and I used to think that they were wrong and that it was all rumors, but now I see that it's true!"
"What rumors? I haven't turned my back on my culture, I-"
"-I heard everything, Tenzin!" She seethed. "You thought that she was pregnant with your child -multiple times! You're having sex with her! You're meant to be our leader! You preach to us about the precepts and yet you've been breaking them! She's leading you away from everything you believe in, and you can't even see it!"
"Lin is not the one at fault!" Tenzin snapped. "I'll admit that we have slept together, but I am the one who typically instigates it. Lin is the one who usually puts a stop to it and reminds me that we should be waiting -so if you're going to blame anyone, blame me!"
"Are you even listening to yourself Tenzin?" Pema asked, aghast. "You're our leader. If the others were to find out. . . our culture would fall apart! Right now, it's only rumors -but if they knew that it was true and that you're not even ashamed of your transgressions -why should they follow the teachings of the Air Nomads, when you so blatantly ignore them? I thought you cared about preserving your father's culture. . . was I wrong?"
"I do care! It's just-" Tenzin's shoulders dropped again and he sighed. "-I really have messed up, haven't I?"
Pema reached forward and laid a hand on his arm.
"You can fix this, Tenzin." She assured him.
"You're right." Tenzin agreed. "Once Lin and I sort this all out-"
"That's not what I was talking about!" Pema snapped, pulling her hand back. "And when are you going to realize that she isn't going to let that happen!"
Tenzin looked at the young woman in shock. She was usually so shy and quiet, but tonight she was different.
"She's not going to let you fix it!" Pema continued. "This has been going on for years -and if you try to outmatch her in stubbornness, you're going to lose! You're going to waste your whole life waiting for her, because she's not going to crack!"
Pema's words were finally beginning to reach Tenzin. His shock was replaced with sorrow as he realized that Pema was right. One of the many things that he loved about Lin was her stubbornness. As an earthbender, it was simply in her nature and Tenzin often relied on it. When he was ready to back down, Lin would always push him to stand strong. Lin's stubbornness had helped him through his training, education, career and even through Bumi and Kya's bullying; but not this time. This time, her stubborn nature would be their undoing.
A million thoughts ran through his head as he remembered their lives together. He saw them as children playing together. He remembered sneaking off of the island to see her when she had started school. He recalled them studying together after his parents had allowed him to attend her school part-time. He remembered the years he had spent helping Lin take care of her sister, and by the time they were ten they were discussing what kind of parents they would be.
He had known from an early age that he loved Lin and had been sure that she felt the same way, but when he was eleven, his classmates' teasing left him wondering if she only saw them as friends. When he was fourteen, Lin revealed that she was having similar doubts and demanded to know how he felt about her. A year later -after a very uncomfortable conversation with their parents- the two officially began to date.
Their first four years as a couple were the happiest years of their lives. Back then they did not have to balance their relationship with their demanding careers. They went on frequent dates, took Oogi (and sometimes Suyin) on trips, and planned their future. They were so young and so sure of their future together, that they lived in a state of near bliss.
The real world did not begin to catch up with them until Tenzin was nineteen. Lin joined the Police Academy and Tenzin accompanied his father on a journey to learn more about his role as the future leader of the Air Nation. The stresses of their studies, jobs and families began to pile up; but they supported each other and kept moving forward. Even after Lin's sister scarred her face, their relationship remained strong and they continued to speak of marriage. It was not until Lin turned down his first proposal that he knew anything was wrong.
As friends and as a couple, they had been through so much together. They had experienced joy, pain and sorrow. Through every accomplishment, loss and injury, they were there for each other. He thought that it would continue that way forever. He had always believed that they would get married and raise a family, but now he realized that it would never happen and it felt as though the air had been stolen from his lungs.
"I can't -I can't lose her." He gasped, thinking out loud. "How did it come to this? How did I let it come to this?"
"It's not your fault Tenzin." Pema tried to reassure him. "You just wanted different things. These things just happen sometimes."
"But we didn't used to. We had everything planned and then. . . I don't know what happened. Why did she change her mind? Was it something I did?"
Pema reached up, and once again, laid a comforting hand on his arm.
"I'm sure that it wasn't your fault Tenzin. You are so sweet, and kind, and caring. You're so wonderful and she is so lucky to have you. I don't know why she can't see it. . . If I had you the way that she does, I would think that I was the luckiest girl in the world and I would thank the spirits every day."
Tenzin looked at the young woman in front of him, shocked by her words.
"Pema. . . What are you. . ."
Pema looked him in the eyes and took a breathe.
"I love you Tenzin. I love you so much and I can't stand to see you hurting this way. Please, let me help you."
Tenzin stared at her for a moment before suddenly pulling himself away from her.
"I'm sorry Pema, I need -I need to think." He said as he backed away from the young woman.
"Of course." Pema agreed with a small smile. "I understand."
Tenzin turned and began to stumble away. Even in the dark he saw bits of their lives in every part of the island. He saw them running through the woods with the other children and getting in trouble with the acolytes. He saw them by the well, having picnics with their dolls and Suyin. He saw them teaching Suyin how to walk. He saw them training together and sparring. He saw them climbing the trees as children and later kissing under them as teenagers. He saw Lin teaching him how to train lemurs. In the temple, he saw Lin supporting him as he received his tattoos. He saw her on the side of the dais as he was anointed an airbending master. No matter where he went, Lin was there.
Eventually, after wandering aimlessly around the island, he found himself standing in front of the meditation pavilion. It seemed that they would always led back to this place that had somehow become central to their relationship. He and Lin had spent countless hours here; as children, teenagers and adults. His father had taught them lessons on this pavilion. They had played here when it was not in use. This was where he had first kissed Lin, during a game of wedding when he was five. Back then he had been so sure that they would be together forever. Now here he stood, thirty-seven years old and realizing that the life he had envisioned with Lin was impossible.
Since the moment Tenzin had begun airbending, he had carried the weight of an entire culture on his shoulders. Lin had always helped him carry that burden, no matter how many of her own she had, but it seemed that there was a limit to how much she could carry. He now had to choose between a future with Lin or reviving the airbending race. The full weight of his responsibilities came crashing down on his shoulders as he thought about the decision he had to make. He fell to his knees as he realized that it was too late for him to have a choice. The world needed airbenders and Lin would not be the one to help create them.
". . .She said that I have two paths, and that one of them would lead to me losing everyone that I care about."
Tenzin began to sob as he remembered the fortune that Lin had received nineteen years ago. She had been told that she had two futures ahead of her. One was the future they had planned and the other was dismal and lonely. Tenzin had assured that they could shape their own destiny, but it seemed that somewhere along the way they had taken a misstep.
"She said that other one was full of joy and life."
"Then let's work towards that path. Together."
Sorry for the delay. I had a lot of trouble writing this chapter. I knew what I wanted it to be about, but I was really struggling with which of Tenzin's thoughts to show without rambling (I think that I ended up rambling anyways). I was also struggling with Pema's dialogue. I spent a lot of time looking for scenes of her talking so that I could get a better feel for her speech patterns and personality and I was shocked at how hard it was. There honestly didn't seem to be much to work with.
I was also struggling with writing about the Air Nomad culture. There's a lot that we don't know. My interpretation of the Air Nomad cultures and values, is based on what we've seen in the show and Buddhism (not an expert, just did research on the parts that are relevant to the story). I know that it may not add up with the comics and novels, but like I said, I'm basing it off the show.
Hopefully the next chapter will be easier to write.