Disclaimer: This Harry Potter story was written for fun. All rights belong to the wonderful lady (JK Rowling) who gave the world Harry Potter to read and enjoy. No ships. Bashing around everyone.

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16 Conflagration! August 10

Molly Weasley believed the last two days had been among the most horrible in her life. First there was the fight in her kitchen with a boy she considered an unofficial son, and then a humiliating day in the hospital with her bum exposed to the heavens in a hospital ward.

Then worse humiliation in her own kitchen when she was forced to apologise to Harry James Potter for casting a welt hex at him.

And then she had to apologise again for lying about it to her husband and children.

Upon her return from Saint Mungo's Hospital, Sirius Black had adamantly demanded that Molly admit to each offense.

Today was equally embarrassing!

During breakfast – cooked by elves because Mrs Weasley was still recovering from her 'accident' – Auror Shacklebolt came through the floo. The Auror politely asked 'Mr Potter' to accompany him to the DMLE offices to answer the public accusations by Mrs Molly Weasley of assault.

"What's going on Kingsley?" Sirius demanded to know. "Does Harry need a lawyer with him?"

"No," the Auror replied. "Director Bones and Lead Auror Scrimgeour are going to interview Mr Potter. They want to check his wand."

Rising from the table, Alastor Moody volunteered to accompany 'Mr Potter' to the meeting and return him to the safe house. He said, "Bones and Scrimgeour are honest most of the time. And Fudge won't let anything stick to the Boy-Who-Lived."

Less than two hours later, Shacklebolt, Moody, and the boy returned from the ministry, but then Shacklebolt 'requested' that Molly accompany him back to the DMLE for questioning by the same two officials.

"Why?" she wailed. "I was the one who was cut to the bone!"

"They want an official record of what happened in your own words. Your husband will be there to speak for you," Kingsley assured the distraught witch.

When she returned just before noon, emotionally exhausted but not under threat of arrest, Molly found her children gathered around the table with the others eating another meal prepared by house elves instead of their mother at Grimmauld Place.

Forced by Fred and George to at least drink a cup of tea, Molly sat at the table and forced herself to eat two roast beef sandwiches with crisps and sour pickles to restore her energy. Then the housewitch left the dirty dishes on the table and retreated to the bedroom she shared with her husband. She needed a nap and would let dinner take care of itself.

Unknown to Molly, Arthur cashed in the good will he'd earned with the Minister Fudge only the previous day to let the private matter die quietly. The Daily Prophet was unable to find Harry Potter to interview, none of the Aurors would speak about the matter, and Cornelius Fudge used the story to generate stories in the Daily Prophet about the poor decisions that Headmaster Dumbledore continued to make regarding the Boy-Who-Lived.

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Sirius and Harry Talk

With Dobby's help, Harry managed to hide from every Weasley and catch his godfather alone while Remus stepped into the loo. With the elf providing charms that hid human scents in one direction and laid a false trail in another, Harry and Sirius managed to reach the Black library without any chasers or listening charms.

Harry led Sirius further into the room to a pair of comfortable chairs underneath large, enchanted windows that were always full of sunshine. Black said, "I don't think I've ever seen this spot in the house before. Of course, I never came into the library unless I was hiding from my mother."

"Why" asked Harry.

"She knew I'd never willingly step through the doorway," the older wizard said. "You know, your grandparents became a substitute set of parents for me when I turned fifteen and ran away from here for the last time."

Harry took a deep breath before he said, "I'm glad they were there for you."

"Let's not talk about the past, what do you want to do for the next two weeks?"

"Can we get out of here and go to some other house where there aren't so many people?"

"What? You don't like crowds?"

"Not particularly no," replied Harry. "And I am tired of Nosey Nellies telling me what I can't do, that I am not allowed to eat what I want, and where I'm allowed to sleep in my godfather's house!"

"Wait…" Sirius said and seemed to review what his godson had listed as his complaints. "Yeah, Molly is in total control of the kitchen and Dumbledore gave her authority over the rooms and schedules for showers and stuff like that."

"So, a prison? You and I both traded our old prisons for a new one. Yeah?"

Giggling, Sirius said, "This one is much better. Any day I can avoid a Molly howler up close and personal is a better day than every day at Chez Azkaban.

"Okay, I have to agree," Harry admitted. "Before this summer, I would have leapt at the chance to be here instead of at Privet Drive. "

"Now, who do we prank?" asked Sirius.

"The twins are begging for a prank that puts them on their backsides for a couple days. They don't hesitate to prank other people with painful charms and are offended when the victim gets angry," Harry suggested. Then he asked, "Would you be unhappy if I want to study and read some?"

"Merlin! You are just like your mum!" whined Sirius. "And she corrupted James into being a book worm too!"

Harry looked away and didn't reply for a minute while Sirius stewed. Then the older wizard cleared his throat. "But your mum was the smartest witch at Hogwarts! Your dad fell completely in love because of her mind in third or fourth year when they competed for grades in all our classes. Then in fifth year, your mum – Lily Evans – became the most beautiful young woman in the school. She was even prettier than my cousin, Princess Cissy."

"Do you mean Narcissa Malfoy?"

"She wasn't Malfoy yet while we were in school. She was a year older and in Slytherin, so we never spoke, but she was a Black and we kept an eye on each other…just to tattletale to our parents if nothing else."

"Is 'princess' part of her name?"

"No, but the Black family was like royalty in Magical Britain before Dark Wanker screwed up everything for everyone. Every daughter in House Black was called 'Princess so-and-so' because they were always perfectly dressed, coiffed, and painted by special house elves."

Harry grimaced, "Poor girls."

"I think Andromeda and Bellatrix resented it, but Cissy loved being treated like a princess."

"How important is the name Black to you, Sirius?"

"Let me show you," Sirius said and led Harry toward a wall that was covered by a large oil painting of wizards and goblins fighting on a field outside Hogsmeade with Hogwarts in the distance.

Curious, Harry asked, "When did this battle occur?"

"Never did," Sirius explained. "An ancestor hated goblins, so he commissioned this giant thing to show something that never happened. I think…no, don't remember who he was."

Sirius pulled out his wand and walked to a corner of painting and pressed the tip of the wand against a book that lay on the battlefield for some reason. But as soon as the wand touched the cover, the book opened, floated up and expanded until it covered the entire canvas.

"Only someone with Black blood can open the family tree and look it over," Sirius said as the names of ancestors, births and deaths appeared. There were small portraits of everyone born since 1900 and the once great tree declined to display only a few surviving branches.

"Here's your grandmother Princess Euphemia Black who convinced her father to allow her to marry Lord Fleamont Potter. Then there's my side – notice my father and mother were first cousins! That explains why I'm crazy – at least part of the time."

Pointing underneath Fleamont and Euphemia, Sirius said, "There's your dad who married Lily. And voila! Harry appeared! "

Sirius paused as he looked at Harry's picture and name for a moment. Then he took his fingers and wand to stretch out the information about Harry James Potter now Harry James Potter-Black.

"Lord Potter-Black! Born 31 July 1980. Emancipated 31 October 1994. Lord Potter 21 July 1995. Lord Black 31 July 1995," Sirus read aloud. Then he turned to Harry and said, "Your cheeky bugger! This is the best prank anyone has ever played!"

Feeling he was being watched, Sirius looked around and found three house elves placed themselves strategically around the room, in positions where they could snatch Harry away from any spells Sirius cast. Their gaze was steady and unnerving.

"Really? You're not upset that I took the ring?" asked Harry.

"Merlin…I don't know. Let me think…if I can," Sirus muttered. After a minute, he continued, "No, this is best, but I hate you got the job so young."

Harry grimaced, "Kreacher begged me to become Lord Black because the ring would probably have killed you and the only other person eligible is Draco Malfoy.

"Ugh," Sirius said. "Malfoys in this library…Merlin! Malfoys in the Black vaults! Lucius would bankrupt us in ten years! But there are other candidates – your buddy Neville Longbottom's great grandmother was a Black princess, and believe it or not, the Weasleys are in the line to inherit…Arthur's grandmother was a Black princess too, but the heir would be a son closer to Lord Weasley rather than Arthur and his horde of ginger Saxons."

"So, what are you doing as Lord Black to infuriate Dumbledore?"

Smirking, Harry explained, "My vault managers bought up controlling shares of the Daily Prophet, so Rita Skeeter is muzzled concerning Harry Potter, the boy who lived."

"Albus can't print stories that quote me without my consent, and Cornelius Fudge and I reached an understanding to leave me out of the pissing contest between Dumbledore and the Ministry."

"I am bankrupting the Lestrange family and impoverishing the Malfoys."

This one caught the attention of the older wizard, and he asked, "How?"

"They didn't fulfil the betrothal agreement – Bellatrix didn't have any children and Narcissa just had one."

Snickering Sirius added, "I always said they wore their girdles too tight and that's why they couldn't bear brats," Sirius said. "And maybe that's a good thing! What would two or three more Bellatrix Lestrange witches be like? Or four more Lucy Malfoys?"

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Housework

Rising from the bed at 4:00 PM, Molly set about fixing her hair but didn't use any cosmetics. This afternoon, she cared little for her looks – even for her husband. Albus Dumbledore would appear at some point this evening for a meal (cooked by elves!) and a meeting of the Order of the Phoenix. There she would require him to chastise Sirius Black for acting like a lord and making demands of her in her own kitchen, and she would require the headmaster to make Harry Potter apologise to her. He always knew how to twist everything around to make more sense than what things appeared.

Refusing to accept any responsibility for the humiliations she'd endured, Molly set her mind to her duties as a good housewitch. Glancing back at the bed, she decided the sheets needed to be cleaned and there was ample time to complete two tubs of laundry.

"Merlin knows, my boys can't wash a flannel or a towel themselves," she muttered.

Not paying attention to the hallways or rooms, Molly stripped the sheets from the bed she shared with Arthur, then the beds used by Remus Lupin, Sturgis Padmore, Nymphadora Tonks, and Alastor Moody. For one moment, she thought about the bed in Black's chamber but then decided that the reprobate could sleep in the dirty sheets for the rest of the summer. With a full load of sheets and pillowcases following behind her, Molly made her way to the laundry room (such a waste of space when the kitchen had ample room for the tubs). Unlike muggles who could load a washing machine and walk away, a housewitch had to stay with the laundry through the entire process.

After casting the charms for soap and water, her wand set the sheets to agitating and sloshing around. Feeling a bit mischievous, Molly allowed the sloshing water to spill across the tile floor and under the door and into the hall. More spells wrung the water from the clean sheets, and she used Deletrius to banish the water. There were multiple castings to dry the sheets and then others to banish the wrinkles and fold them into the proper sets.

At 5:00 PM she floated the sheets from the laundry toom and back to their appropriate beds. It took about five minutes in each room to spell the sheets and pillowcases back in place, return the blankets to each bed. In each room, she applied a few quick dusting charms that were also based on Deletrius. At 5:30, she started collecting the sheets from the rooms occupied by her children. First, she entered Ginny's room and found her daughter sitting in front of a mirror, trying different hair styles. Mother and daughter talked about styling hair to attract boys (Molly insisted that applying an attraction potion to the neck was better than any hair style and she would provide the potion for her daughter to use when she began her sixth year at Hogwarts).

It was 5:50 when she marched into the bedroom shared by Fred and George. Both boys were seventeen and this made them adults, but she refused to believe they were older than ten years. Frowning she asked, "What are you two doing now?"

Fred (she thought) replied, "We're working on our summer homework for Miss Kittycat."

"Who?" Molly asked as she stepped closer and snatched up the paper off George's desk.

This twin (George) explained, "We call McGonagall Miss Kittycat because…"

The other twin (Fred) added, "…she hisses just like an angry cat every time she appears in the Gryffindor Common Room."

Glancing at the paper, it appeared to be an essay on the steps in the charm to stabilize transfigured wood so that it would last for at least twenty years.

"We've already finished potions…"

"…and useless history and herbology…"

"…which just leaves charms to finish before the first of September."

Ignoring the infuriating twins-speak as Percy had called it, Molly returned the essay and set to work. By the time she'd stripped their beds and used the bundle charm to gather the sheets it was 6:10 PM. Leaving the door to that room open, Molly headed down the hall to Ron's room to collect his sheets for the wash.

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Gathering of Fried Turkeys

At 5:45 PM, Alastor Moody stepped through the flames in the kitchen of No. 12 Grimmauld Place. He'd been at the ministry reading old case files looking for any precedents and rulings that favoured wrongfully convicted wizards. He was back to 1890 and had not found anything helpful – the Ministry for Magic generally buried its mistakes figurative and literally. Knowing his role as greeter at the front door of No. 12, he walked across the bright and shiny tile floor to enter the foyer.

The retired Auror paused for a moment and stared at the changes – the entry hall was clean, the carpets swept clean, the paintings bright, and the windows filled with the late afternoon sunshine.

'I must have drunk too much,' he decided as he hurried to the door where Sturgis Padmore waited with two guests that Albus Dumbledore had invited to attend the Order of the Phoenix meeting, Ted and Andromeda Tonks.

Despite Moody's objections to telling anyone about the secret location, Dumbledore overruled him (as always) and reasoned that the couple would join the order to support their daughter. Moody decided, 'I'll convince Albus to put up a new Fidelius charm at the end of the month…all the children going back to Hogwarts, somebody will read their minds.'

Then Remus Lupin came through the door followed by Sturgis and the Tonks couple. Andromeda said nothing about her visits to the house when she was a girl, and she wondered why Dora had insisted the place was a disaster. In her opinion, the entry hall had never looked better – certainly never this tastefully decorated.

In the kitchen, Kingsley Shacklebolt acted as greeter to Minerva McGonagall who came though the flames, and Sirius Black, Harry Potter who came through the door from the entry hall. The flames turned green, and Arthur Weasley came through with his eldest son, William, who was back from Egypt to work with Gringotts London for a year.

Alastor Moody led the other four persons into the kitchen (Andromeda wondered why the large dining room wasn't used) where they greeted everyone. There was a warm reunion for Sirius Black with his cousin that was carefully watched by everyone, and Harry Potter wasn't the only person who noticed the sour look on Minerva McGonagall's face seeing two members of the notorious Black family embracing with tears.

After the reunion, Sirius made certain to introduce his godson to 'Princess Andy' and her 'beau'. He joked, "Teddy Tonks is a Hufflepuff, but we won't hold that against him…too often."

McGonagall gave Bill Weasley a small nod in way of greeting but otherwise ignored everyone. Arthur led Bill around the room and introduced him to everyone except for Sirius Black and Harry Potter. This slight was ignored by Sirius and entertained Harry (Lord Black). The Cursebreaker needed the introduction to the host (Black) and would regret the slight to Lord Potter-Black when they finally met at Gringotts some day in the future.

At 6:10 PM, the flames turned green again to allow Headmaster Albus Dumbledore to enter the kitchen in Grimmauld Place. From the back of the crowd, Harry watched with great interest for a full second before the next person followed the headmaster – Severus Snape stepped into the kitchen – the Death Eater knew the secret of Grimmauld Place as the meeting place of the Order of the Phoenix and the refuge of Sirius Black.

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Discovery and Battle

Molly reached Ron's door and grabbed the doorknob to open the door. But the lock was engaged and despite her knocking Ron didn't unlock the door. She hollered loud enough for the twins and Ginny to hear but they remained in their rooms – their mother yelling was to be ignored unless she was yelling at you.

However, the wards around the house channelled the sound down the hall and into the kitchen where everyone heard Molly shouting, "Ron open this door! Stop whatever you're doing and let me in this instant."

There was no response so Molly shouted, "Ron! Are you alright?"

Instantly, Molly moved from annoyance to worry and stepped back to cast an overpowered Deletrius charm to banish at least part of the door. The doorknob and the immediate space around it vanished so Molly hurried into the room.

The yelling heard in the kitchen grew louder with each breath, "What are you doing? Where are your clothes?"

Then Molly noticed her son was not alone.

In the kitchen everyone heard the blood curdling scream, "Nymphadora Tonks what are you doing to my little boy?"

"Why aren't you wearing clothes?" If possible, the volume of Molly's voice rose, "RON! WHERE ARE YOUR CLOTHES?"

"WHAT IS GOING ON IN THIS HOUSE!" she demanded to know.

Any shouting by Ron Weasley or Nymphadora Tonks was lost under the housewitch's outrage. Molly screamed, "HARLOT! YOU CORRUPTED MY INNOCENT BOY!"

Then the first blasts of spells occurred.

Fred and George recognized the danger, grabbed Ginny and hid with their sister in the far corner of her bedroom. They drug the mattress off the bed to provide a buffer between the three and the duel their mother would fight in the hallway.

Arthur and Bill Weasley moved first, leaving the kitchen for the entry hall where the stairs would lead them up to the battle. Ted and Andromeda Tonks were frozen in place and Harry grabbed Sirius to keep his godfather out of any fracas that developed.

There were more blasts from the first floor as Nymphadora Tonks with her wand and nothing else tried to shield and deflect the overpowered blasting curses that an enraged Molly Weasley threw at the witch who corrupted her son.

Alastor Moody moved away from the door and commanded everyone, "Move into a corner! Those witches are throwing spells without any regard for where they're going to land or who they throw into the walls."

"Nonsense," Dumbledore said, dismissing the notion of being in danger at a meeting of the Order of the Phoenix and he waited calmly for the matter to be resolved so that the group could eat and then talk.

Remus Lupin stepped out into the entry hallway with his wand out, ready to defend his girlfriend, but Severus Snape moved into a corner not occupied by Black and his party. McGonagall frowned but refused to be concerned by any spell thrown by the strumpet and the harridan. Shacklebolt and Padmore moved to stand behind the shields with Mr and Mrs Tonks, Black and Potter.

The naked Dora Tonks knew to use her Auror training and her metamorphic abilities to move quickly in a duel. But she wasn't prepared for this fight against an enraged mother with a deadly weapon in her hand. Molly destroyed Ron's room with a single bombard spell. The flash of the explosion gave Dora the opportunity to throw herself around Molly and out the door – this wasn't a time for modesty! She dashed to the top of the stairs just as Arthur Weasley appeared at the foot of the stairs. The man's face registered the shock of a naked witch running full speed toward him.

"Coming through!" Tonks shouted as she leapt to knock Arthur back (using him as a pillow to cushion her fall). Without another thought for the man, she jumped up and swung around William Weasley who cast Cursebreaker level shielding to protect his father and himself from another blast from his mother's wand.

"YOU WON'T GET AWAY FROM ME BITCH! I WILL CUT OFF YOUR TITS AND HANG 'EM OVER THE DOOR!" screamed Molly not far behind.The blast that came down the stairs smashed antique chairs, a table and the priceless carpet that covered the floor at the foot of the stairs.

Dora flew through the kitchen door, pushed Remus Lupin back without a thought and raced for the fireplace.

Behind her, Molly bellowed, "WHERE ARE YOU HARLOT! YOU TOUCHED MY SON AND YOU ARE GOING TO DIE!"

At that point, Lord Black activated the war wards to protect the persons in the kitchen while leaving a path open to the flames. Nymphadora Tonks moved fast and was focused only on escape – she never noticed her parents or the other members of the Order of the Phoenix in the kitchen.

Enraged that the whore was nowhere to be seen, Molly barely made it down the stairs without tumbling to the bottom. She didn't notice anyone in the entry hall, but she did see the open kitchen door and caught a glimpse of the bare tush of her prey. Raising her wand once again and running forward, Molly Weasley fired three powerful bombards, determined to mash the witch against the bricks in the fireplace before the ceiling collapsed and buried the harlot forever.

Grabbing a pinch of floo powder, Dora called out the floo address for the home of her parents and leapt into the flames just as they turned green – she might have some burns, but she'd live. The bombard followed closely behind, and the fireplace was blasted to smithereens.

Charging into the kitchen where the wards flickered visibly as they absorbed the power of the bombards thrown at them, Molly shouted, "Where is she? Where is that bitch! She raped my little boy! I want her arrested!"

Unwisely, Albus Dumbledore spoke up, "Molly, I'm certain there is a simple explanation for the situation. Let's calm down…"

"CALM DOWN? HOW CAN I CALM DOWN? THAT WITCH WAS NAKED IN BED WITH RON AND HE WAS…HE WAS…" Molly couldn't bring herself to complete the sentence. Her original target had escaped, so she channelled her anger at the headmaster.

A spectacular Molly Weasley howler was delivered just centimetres from Dumbledore's abused eardrums because the witch had one hand wrapped in the headmaster's beard and pulled him close to her mouth.

"THIS IS YOUR FAULT, ALBUS DUMBLEDORE!

YOU LOCKED US UP IN THIS HOUSE FOR THE WHOLE SUMMER!

THE MUDBLOOD WAS KILLED!

POTTER IS OUT OF CONTROL AND YOUR HARLOT RAPED MY SON!"

Then the housewitch slugged the headmaster. Molly was healthy – she had to be to raise seven magical children. She used her magic all day, every day. And despite there being war wards that prevented any spells from impacting Albus Dumbledore, her clinched fist impacted the headmaster's left chin, and the power of her accidental magic knocked him back into Minerva McGonagall and then the pair of them slammed into Severus Snape.

(Dobby Potter Elf might have helped the push a little and Kreacher Black Elf made certain Judas Goat felt the full impact of Dumbledore's figure. Severus Snape stared but couldn't move as the witch and elderly wizard slammed into him).

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