Chapter 20

Elizabeth said goodbye to Charlotte with great affection; they had always been excellent friends despite their age difference. Besides, she had reconciled herself to the idea that she had married a man like Mr. Collins. During the six weeks she lived with them, she learned to appreciate her cousin's qualities. Although he could be pretty stupid sometimes, he made up for it by being hard-working and constantly worried about his family.

But one of the best experiences of her visit to Kent was meeting little Sophia and spending time with her.

From Kent, she traveled to London to spend a few days with the Stones. She knew that she must return to Longbourn and tell her father that she had decided to live forever in London with Uncle Archibald and Aunt Agatha. In a few months, she would be twenty-one and was eager to start a new life. Elizabeth had accepted that she would never fall in love again and wanted to spend her life working and learning new things. The only way she could do that was at her uncle's shop. She could be the assistant he desperately needed.

On her second day in London, while she was having tea with her Aunt, they received a visit from Dr. James. He had come to talk to Archibald, but before going to his study, he decided to tell Elizabeth what had happened the day before, thinking she might be interested.

"I'm glad to have you back, Lizzy, if only for a few days. You don't know how much we've missed your beautiful voice and interesting conversation," the doctor said as Agatha poured him a cup of tea.

"Thank you, Dr. James. I've missed you all too," Elizabeth replied sincerely.

"But let me tell you that yesterday I met William, and he was acting very strange. He seemed disoriented because he looked from one place to another as if he didn't know where he was or where to go. So I went over to talk to him, and I'm almost sure he didn't recognize me, although, in the state he was in, I think it's understandable. I sincerely hope that the boy is not getting carried away by vices. He seemed to be a rather reserved and even shy young fellow..."

As Dr. James spoke, Agatha and Elizabeth exchanged glances. The night before, taking advantage of the fact that her uncle was with his friend Professor Price, Elizabeth told her Aunt everything that had happened in Kent.

"Finally, in the little time we talked, he told me that he had had an accident, and that was why he hadn't been able to return to the neighborhood. He also told me you knew what had happened to him, Lizzy," the doctor stated.

"Yes, I had a chance to talk to him when he was in Kent, and he told me about his accident," Elizabeth said nervously.

Fortunately, at that moment, Uncle Archibald entered the room, and after talking for a few minutes with his family, he invited his friend to go into his study to tell him what he had discussed with Professor Price the previous evening.

As soon as they were alone, Aunt Agatha took her niece's hand and said affectionately. "Lizzy dear, I hope what James told you didn't affect you too much."

"Don't worry, Aunt. If Mr. Darcy has trouble with his memory, it justifies his absence from this place. He could not remember any of us or what he did a year ago."

"I know, Lizzy. Also, you told me you hoped to leave this whole episode in the past, dear, but don't you think it would be good to talk to William? Especially considering that he also proposed to you with his real identity. Haven't you thought that perhaps his affection is sincere?" Aunt Agatha knew that Elizabeth, due to her youth, was very impulsive, and perhaps she was making hasty decisions that she might regret later.

"I plan to talk to him one day, Aunt, but not right now. He and Charles are friends, so we'll have a chance to meet somewhere in the future, and I guess we can talk about everything that's happened between us. But, for now, I'd rather stay as far away from him as possible. He lied to me, and I do not know if I can forgive that so easily, Aunt."

"But Lizzy, you haven't considered that his love could be sincere; maybe you should try to…." Agatha tried to explain.

"Aunt, assuming he is sincere about his feelings towards me, how can I forget his opinion of me? He considers me inferior and believes that marrying me would be a great sacrifice that goes against his better judgment and his family's expectations. He feels like declaring his love to me was a kind of defeat and that he was degrading himself. Also, I cannot forget that he made me fall in love by lying about his true identity. Perhaps his first intention was to do with me the same thing that his father did with your friend Olivia. No aunt, I prefer to stay alone, to live a life in which my partner sees me as a burden," explained Elizabeth, convinced of her decision.

"I think you're right, Lizzy. You are a very mature girl for your age, and I am glad to know that you are not willing to accept a man who does not respect or accept you for who you are."

"And he despises my family, everyone, even those he doesn't know, like you and my Aunt and Uncle Gardiner."

Elizabeth sat next to her Aunt and rested her head on Agatha's shoulder as she stroked her hair. Agatha asked her about her plans to keep her niece from feeling even sadder, and Elizabeth told her that the next day she was going to Aunt Gardiner's to meet Jane. "I prefer to see her there because I don't feel like meeting Caroline; I'm not in the mood to put up with her contempt."

"I think you're doing the right thing, my dear. It's always better to avoid conflicts and, above all, to avoid Jane having to deal with awkward situations. She's a very sweet girl who doesn't know how to deal with a woman as brazen as her sister-in-law. But honestly, I think she should learn to defend the peace of her home."

"I agree with you, Aunt, but it's not that is not easy. Jane has always avoided conflict, so she often prefers pretending nothing happens."

Elizabeth and her Aunt kept talking for almost another hour. Later, she decided to visit her friend Sylvie because she needed to walk a bit to clear her mind. Before returning home, she went to the park, where William confessed his love as a way to reconcile with the past and look to the future with optimism. "I don't want to love you, William, but I don't want to hate you either. I hope you can find a woman who makes you happy," Elizabeth said, and she threw a stone into the river.

P&P

"He is better, Colonel. But please make sure he stays in bed at least until tomorrow," Dr. Shaw said to Colonel Fitzwilliam.

Mr. Darcy's valet saw his Master very upset the previous evening, so in the middle of the night, he went to make sure everything was alright with him. Mr. Harris was an older man who had worked for several gentlemen. But he had never been so fond of one as his current Master. Mr. Darcy was very different from the men in his circle because, despite his youth, he was honorable and treated everyone with respect, including the women who constantly harassed him. He knew better than anyone everything that had happened in the last year and understood that he was depressed.

When he saw that Mr. Darcy's room was still lit, he thought he might be awake and needed something. But upon entering the room, he found him fully clothed, sleeping on the bed, and completely drunk. When he tried to help him change his clothes, Mr. Darcy, half awake, half asleep, was saying a lot of nonsense. He first apologized for something, then said that he was a scoundrel like his father, and finally repeated the name Elizabeth over and over again.

Harris was a discreet but not a fool, and he knew well who he meant. From the time Mr. Darcy met Mrs. Bingley's sister, his Master had changed a great deal. And when he met her again in Kent, he was always nervous and restless. It was evident that his young Master was in love with that young lady, and it was easy to understand why. She was not only very pretty but also kind and intelligent.

Unfortunately, drinking so much had made Mr. Darcy very ill, and his headache was almost unbearable. That is why Harris sent for the Colonel, who was still at his parents' house, and he took it upon himself to contact the doctor.

"Georgie, do not worry anymore; I promise I feel well. I just drank too much, but I won't behave in such an irresponsible manner again. You can be sure of that," Mr. Darcy said as he caressed Georgiana's face to reassure her.

"William, I don't like seeing you like this. This is all my fault," Georgiana said, crying.

"Don't talk nonsense, dear sister. This has nothing to do with you; it is just my irresponsibility," said Mr. Darcy, mortified. But unfortunately, his head hurt too much, so he could not continue comforting his sister.

"You heard your brother, dear niece. You can't blame yourself for everything bad that happens to him. You must once and for all put that horrible incident in the past," Lady Victoria said as she hugged Georgiana. She noticed Mr. Darcy was exhausted and thought letting him rest was an excellent idea.

"Georgiana, let's have tea in the drawing room and let your brother rest." Georgiana kissed Mr. Darcy on the cheek and accompanied Lady Victoria.

"Aunt, can you ask Fitzwilliam to come over, please," Mr. Darcy asked before his Aunt turned away from him.

"I'll let him know you want to talk to him." The Countess and Georgiana left the room. Just then, Richard returned from walking the doctor to the door, and his mother told him that his cousin needed to talk to him. After making sure Georgiana was calmer and helping his mother convince her that everything was alright, he went to Mr. Darcy's room.

Mr. Darcy sincerely thanked him for everything he had done for him and said that he and his mother had always been so loving and caring towards his sister. Later, he told Richard part of the reason why he drank so much and why he had felt so horrible.

"Then it was true that your father had another woman," the Colonel stated.

"Yes, it was all true. He had a mistress for many years and led a double life without anyone knowing it," Mr. Darcy explained, distressed. But he couldn't tell Richard that he discovered that he, too, had led a double life. He blindly trusted Richard, but he didn't know what he had done or how long he had been visiting that part of town posing as William Thompson. Before making any decisions, he needed to remember and know what he had done.

"Well, you know the truth. Now you have to leave all that in the past because your mother, father, and that woman are dead. So you must forget about it and move on with your life; none of this is or was your fault," Richard explained.

"I don't know why I get the impression that all of this didn't surprise you as much as it did me," Mr. Darcy said suspiciously.

"I'm not going to lie; I once heard something about Uncle George. You know that he and my father were never friends. In any case, as you asked me, I asked my mother some questions, and she told me that as soon as you were feeling better, she wanted to talk directly with you. Now I will let you rest, and we'll continue this conversation later." The Colonel left the room and went to accompany his cousin and his mother.

Mr. Darcy tried to sleep but had difficulty falling asleep due to his headache and remorse. He wanted to feel well to travel to Pemberley as soon as possible. He needed the peace of his home to heal all his physical and emotional wounds. He had made the decision to stay away from Elizabeth until he knew what had happened between them before he lost his memory. He wanted to apologize, but he needed to know the whole truth first.

P&P

Charles and Jane had gotten up early to have breakfast with the Hursts. That day, they would leave for Kent, and they would not see each other again until the summer when they traveled together to Scarborough. The Hursts hadn't invited Caroline to come with them, but even if they had, she wouldn't have accepted their invitation.

For that reason, Charles had no choice but to receive Caroline back at his house. But not before warning her that he would not tolerate her disrespecting his wife.

While they were having breakfast, Louisa decided to say everything she had planned in front of everyone to show that her words were sincere. "Jane, I want to apologize for being rude and unfair to you. Also, I want you to know that I have learned to love and appreciate you and that I am sincerely proud to be your sister. Thank you for making my brother happy and loving him so much."

Jane couldn't help but shed tears, sincerely moved. "Thank you, Louisa. I hope you both have a wonderful time in Kent and that the next time we meet, you will have your beautiful smile back."

"Thank you, Jane, for supporting my wife through this difficult time. I will be forever grateful for your love and kindness," added Mr. Hurst, just as moved.

"I'm glad you love my wife as much as I do," said Mr. Bingley. "But this is not the time to be sad because we will all be together again in a few months."

Caroline watched the ridiculous scene, but she didn't say anything. She knew she had to temper herself because she had no intention of her brother sending her to the north. The season was not over yet, and Mr. Darcy was still in London.

After breakfast, Caroline returned to her brother's house and locked herself in her room for several hours. She didn't feel like listening to Charles' sermons, much less having to pretend that she wanted to talk to her silly sister-in-law.

Charles left because he had a meeting with his businessman. Afterward, he would go to the club to meet friends who needed business advice.

Jane sincerely wished she could make peace with Caroline, just as she did with Louisa. But her sister-in-law barely spoke to her on the way home, and then she locked herself in her room all afternoon. She had agreed to meet Elizabeth at the Gardiners,' and she preferred to leave Caroline alone. Later her husband would pick her up, and they would both have dinner with her Aunt and uncle.

Jane noticed Elizabeth was a little pale but thought she might have been sick. She told her sister about Louisa and Mr. Hurst's trip to Kent. But in addition, she explained how much she had changed and even apologized for her past actions.

"I am very sorry for her, Jane. I hope that in Kent, the Hursts can find the peace and calm they need to overcome this difficult test that life has put on them. I am glad that this painful experience has served her to reflect on her past behavior. Unfortunately, I think Caroline is far from doing anything similar, although she desperately needs to change."

"Don't be so unfair to Caroline, Lizzy. I'm sure things will be different this time."

"I hope you're right, Jane, and that you don't let that woman make your life miserable in your own home. If Charles threatened to send her to Scarborough, I'm sure she'll be careful not to do anything inappropriate in front of him. But I'm not so sure she will behave like she should when he's not around."

"Today, she was courteous, and she didn't say or do anything to bother me. So I have sincere faith that she has changed."

"Jane, she has been in your house for a day. I have a feeling that will change very soon. Please promise me you'll talk to Charles if she disrespects you."

Jane smiled and took her sister's hand to reassure her. But, she preferred to talk about other things to avoid controversy. "I hope you have a good trip to Longbourn the day after tomorrow and all is well over there."

"Thank you, Jane," Elizabeth said. However, she was not as optimistic as her sister and had a feeling that things were still the same or even worse than when she ran away from her house more than two months ago.

An hour later and earlier than expected, Mr. Bingley arrived at the Gardiners'. He greeted everyone in his pleasant and affectionate manner. He even took time to play with the children for a bit.

"I'm so sorry I got here earlier and interrupted your conversation," he told Jane and Elizabeth.

"You're not interrupting anything, Charles. We were just talking about my return to Hertfordshire, that's all."

Elizabeth liked Charles very much because she could see how much he loved Jane. Although sometimes, she would have wanted him to be a little less affable and more determined when facing difficulties.

"Jane, I want you to come with me to visit Darcy. I ran into Colonel Fitzwilliam today, and he told me he was a little sick. Apparently, he had a huge headache because of his accident."

"Yes, my dear, I think you should visit your friend. That way, I can help Miss Darcy if she needs anything."

Elizabeth felt concerned when she heard William was sick and was dying to know how he was. She was thinking about asking Jane and Charles if she could accompany them, but she knew that was a bad idea. She had sworn never to look back and focus on the future. But she couldn't deny that knowing he was ill made her very sad.

An hour later, the Stones arrived at the Gardiners' house, and they all had dinner together. Mr. Bingley loved spending time with Jane's aunts and uncles because he always learned something new. They were the wisest people he knew, even more so than his friend Darcy who seemed to know everything.

"Maddie, I got a letter from Rose today with excellent news. Audrey is getting married this summer, and we were invited to the wedding. I haven't been back to Lambton since I left over forty years ago. I've never needed it because our family always visited us in London," Archibald said apologetically. Rose was the eldest daughter of one of his brothers, and Audrey was his great-niece.

"I know, Uncle. I got an invitation too, but we don't know if we'll be able to travel. It's all going to depend on Edward's business," Mrs. Gardiner explained.

"In the summer, everything is slower, my dear. Besides, we haven't had a vacation for a long time," Mr. Gardiner explained.

"I can stay and take care of my cousins if you finally decide to go," Elizabeth offered.

"That won't be necessary, Lizzy. My cousin Edith invited Norman and Oliver to spend the summer with them in Brighton. Her son Nicholas is an only child and gets bored alone, and your cousins are dying to see the sea. But thank you very much for your offer," Madeline said sincerely.

"Lizzy, why don't you come with us?" Aunt Agatha asked.

"Yes, Lizzy, come with us," Mr. Gardiner and Mrs. Gardiner said simultaneously.

"I don't know; I don't even know your family in Lambton. So I'm a little embarrassed to bother them," Elizabeth explained.

"Don't be silly, Lizzy. Rose is the kindest woman in the world, and she'll be happy to meet you," Mrs. Gardiner said.

"Especially since she already knows you in a way. We've told her about you in our letters," Aunt Agatha added.

"Lizzy, we can tour the area; there are wonderful places I can't wait to see again. Besides, you're the only one who can accompany me to climb the famous Derbyshire peaks," Uncle Archibald explained with a smile.

After several minutes, they all managed to convince Elizabeth to go north for the summer. So at the beginning of July, the whole family would leave for Derbyshire.

That night before sleeping, Elizabeth asked God for William's health. Finally, before falling asleep, she thought that maybe this trip was what she needed to put her life in order once and for all.

P&P

Mr. Darcy was feeling much better, and although he wasn't in bed, he hadn't come out of his room because his head still hurt. That morning, his friend Bingley and his wife had come to visit. Mrs. Bingley spent time with Georgiana while Charles went into his room to talk to him.

Mr. Bingley talked for half an hour with Mr. Darcy and told him everything that had happened in his life in the several weeks that they had not seen each other. Charles always talked about many things at once, and Mr. Darcy was not yet fully recovered, so that he couldn't follow the conversation. But the only thing that had remained in his mind was that Elizabeth returned to Longbourn that morning and that she was no longer in London.

After his friend left, he ate something light for lunch and sat in a chair by the window in his room. He had tried in vain to read something, but he couldn't concentrate on anything because he couldn't stop thinking about Elizabeth. The fact that she was not in the same city as him made him feel an absurd and inexplicable emptiness.

The night before, he had once again dreamed of that kiss and how Elizabeth, the one he had thought was his Elizabeth, told him repeatedly, 'I love you, William.'

If that had really happened, if it wasn't tricks of his convulsed mind, he wondered what he had done to win the heart of the only woman he could ever love. The only thing he remembered at that moment was everything he had done to lose it.

When Lady Victoria entered her nephew's room, she saw him staring absently at the park in front of his elegant mansion. She had always loved that boy. Although he was not her blood nephew, she always wanted to protect him and, above all, to make up for all his emotional deficiencies. But seeing him so sad and downcast made her heart shrink with sorrow. "William, do you have some time to spend with your old aunt?"

When he heard Lady Victoria's voice, Mr. Darcy stopped thinking about his problems. She called him William, not Darcy, so he guessed she had something important to tell him and wanted to prepare him. She had always been very affectionate with her children, him and Georgiana. He wasn't used to physical contact because neither of his parents was loving like his Aunt. But Lady Victoria always kissed, caressed, and hugged him. Although she sometimes made him feel a little uncomfortable with her affectionate way, deep down, he recognized that he liked it. "Of course, Aunt, although I disagree that you are old. Let me say that you are lovely," Mr. Darcy added, smiling.

"Well, I'm happy to accept the change," replied Lady Victoria. Although his nephew tried to laugh, that smile was so slight and forced that she knew something was seriously wrong with him. She already sensed it when she discovered he had drunk because he hardly drank.

Mr. Darcy was a twenty-seven-year-old man who, since he was twenty-one, had assumed many responsibilities as the head of the Darcy family and had not had time to enjoy his youth as he deserved. He was a good, honorable, and extremely handsome man, and despite that, he was still alone. She always thought about how good it would be for him to fall in love and marry.

"Are you here to tell me about my father, aunt?"

"Yes, William," Lady Victoria said, taking her nephew's hand affectionately. "I want you to listen to me and try to keep an open mind, dear. Your father was not the perfect man that you always idealized. But he was not a bad man either. He was just an imperfect man who tried to be happy without hurting anyone, although he did not always succeed."

"I hear you, aunt," was all Mr. Darcy said.

The Countess began by telling him about the friendship between George and Olivia since they were teenagers and how love had blossomed spontaneously and naturally. However, they both knew that everything was impossible between them. When George returned from Cambridge to start learning all about Pemberley, Olivia married and moved to London. The following summer, he married Anne Fitzwilliam. "That was when your father and I became friends. I swear to you, William, that he married with all the intention to be happy in his marriage, and I witnessed how hard he tried."

"And what happened?" asked Mr. Darcy as he stood up and looked out to the park.

"William, I loved your mother very much, and I know that in her own way, she loved me too. But she was not an easy person, and she did not enjoy the company of others, and every time your father tried to talk to her and tell her about his affairs, she just rejected him." Lady Victoria further told him that Lady Anne fulfilled her duty to bear her husband an heir and never allowed him to be with her again. "Your father always loved your mother, felt sorry for her, and I know how much he protected her. He perceived that she was different in a certain way, and he respected that difference. Another less honorable husband would not have tolerated the distance your mother imposed between them. I also know that she loved him too, but their love was that of siblings, not that of a married couple."

Everything his Aunt said made a lot of sense to him. Mr. Darcy had always seen his parents relate to each other distantly but cordially. For him, that had become the ideal of marriage. Mainly because the other examples he had known since he was a child were even worse. Lady Catherine constantly humiliated her husband in public, and Sir Louis spent more time with his mistress than his wife. And Lord Matlock always spoke rudely and contemptuously to his wife. He even called her names to make fun of his lack of beauty while showing the Ton his beautiful mistresses. At least Sir Louis was discreet.

"When Olivia became a widow, your father sought her out to offer his condolences and learned that her husband had been a tremendously abusive man. Even when she was with child, he beat her and caused her to lose the child and the ability to be a mother. Your father was miserable when he knew that the woman he loved had suffered this way, and he resumed his friendship with her, leading to another kind of relationship. They loved each other, William, and found comfort and joy in their little time together. I imagine you noticed how humble the house they shared was."

"Yes."

"Your father was one of the richest men in England, yet Olivia was happy just to have his company. She didn't want to be a rich gentleman's mistress, nor did he want her to be his mistress. That's why they lived in that place. There they could pretend they were a married couple and enjoy their love." The Countess explained many more things to her nephew while he listened attentively.

"His happiness was more important to my father than me or Georgiana, a girl who lost her mother when she was two years old." Mr. Darcy said, his voice cracking with emotion.

"William, your mother was a very vulnerable woman. She was a person with fixed ideas and was very easy to manipulate. When she got married, your grandmother told her that she had to give your father an heir, and she did. Anne did not understand the nuances and the duplicities, and Catherine always used her to get what she wanted. As you know, your Aunt always had ambitions to take over Pemberley. That summer, you were so ill, and she came to see you and told Anne she should not be so irresponsible and must have another child in case something happens to you. She did not want Pemberley to go to George's cousin."

"And my mother obeyed, and that upset my father?"

"William, your father did not touch your mother after you were born."

"What?"

The Countess explained that Lady Catherine was in charge of convincing Anne to spend some time in Rosings. There, she arranged for his mother to associate with a cousin of Sir Louis. Of course, she was unaware that there was no longer intimacy between George and Anne. "Your father decided to give the little girl her name, and as much as he could, he tried to love and protect her. He even took it upon himself to leave her a good dowry."

Mr. Darcy was devastated, but many things made more sense to him now than before. Among the many things his Aunt told him, one was why his father had always been strict with him. "George wanted you to be independent and that no one could manipulate you as his parents did with him. He thought the best way to achieve that was to make you a strong man."

"Thank you, Aunt, for taking the time to explain all this to me. I think I will need some time to assimilate everything."

"I told you this painful truth so that you could better understand your parents. Please don't judge them so harshly. They both loved you very much and were proud of you. When choosing your future wife, I hope you will allow your heart to have a say in the matter. Your father wanted to see you happily married and that you might fill Pemberley with children born of their parents' love. Please, William, look at your parents, aunt, and uncle. Do you want a life like that for you? You deserve to be happy like my son Roger is with his wife."

Lady Victoria hugged her nephew tightly and kissed him on both cheeks. Then, she said goodbye and left her nephew, thinking about everything she had told him.

Two days later, against the doctor's advice, Mr. Darcy and Georgiana set out for Pemberley. He desperately needed to return to his home. Only there could he have the necessary peace he needed to resolve the chaos that his life was at that time.

P&P

Thanks to everyone who leaves comments and enthusiastically follows the story.

In the next chapter, Pemberley!

See you soon!

Saludos,

Yo