As usual all speech in italics is in the Old Tongue.

Chapter LXXXV - Wrestlers Ain't All That

Taija was walking through the Hall's grounds, lost in thought. In particular, she was thinking about the next step in the expansion of the Hall. She hadn't done badly with just testing whoever turned up, but she thought it was time to take things further. She was going to need to start actively recruiting, Traveling around looking for potential initiates. There was a risk to quality, but the Last Battle was coming and she'd need every trained channeler she could get. The only question was how to find the time. Still, at least soon some of the most advanced initiates would be able to spin gateways and help teach basic classes.

Taija's musing was interrupted by the sound of laughter, annoying. However… after a moment she decided to see what was happening. She was trying to enjoy herself more after all. As she headed towards the noise it quickly became clear it was coming from the fighting grounds, where initiates practiced their various martial arts. There was a crowd of initiates gathered around the main ring. She thought Tel's advanced class should have been going on around then, but there were a lot more people than would be in his class. There were plenty of women there for one thing.

The watching initiates parted in front of Taija, so she had no trouble getting to the front. Tel was wrestling with one of the men, both topless and working to get grips. Suddenly Tel got his arms under his opponents', linked his hands and lifted the man before dropping him, landing on top of him with a thud. The man struggled for a few seconds until Tel tweaked his nose. That seemed to be the point he decided to give in. With a grin they helped each other up and with much slapping of backs and laughter the defeated man headed to the side.

"Who's next?" Tel's voice was cheerful, he was clearly having a lot of fun, as everyone else seemed to be too.

Taija frowned and asked the initiate next to her, "what's going on?" The girl's eyes seemed to be fixed on Tel, his muscles really were glistening and the way they moved when he… He really needed to wear more, it was clearly distracting the initiates.

"Oh! Taija sedai!" She jumped and curtsied, one of the Tower girls Taija realised. "Someone asked Tel sedai whether size could be overcome in a fight. So now he's fighting each of the initiates in his class, in order of size."

Ok… Taija realised the last one had been quite a big man and then the next got up in a smooth movement, Jaer she thought. He was huge. At least two metres tall, with the bright red hair that marked him out as one of young Dedicated men that had started to trickle in. With a grin he steped into the ring. "Let us dance Tel Janin."

Tel matched it with his own grin. "Let's go Jaer."

They circled each other cautiously, the matted ground slick with sweat. Suddenly Jaer moved, diving forward for a tackle, but Tel sprawled onto him. There was a flurry of movement and they were both back on their feet circling again. Tel feinted to the left and Jaer almost slipped over on the sweat-damp surface, but kept his balance. They both laughed at that and then suddenly they were up against each other, fighting for grips, trying to trip each other.

It was a flurry of movement, Taija had seen enough of Tel's matches to know the basics, but all she could really say there was that they were both very good. Tel was better, unsurprisingly, he was a professional, but size mattered too.

A moment later Jaer fell and Tel landed on top of him, again there was a scramble for position until Tel somehow passed Jaer's legs and ended up sitting on his chest before declaring victory with a loud 'whoop', his broad chest heaving from the exertion.

A few seconds later they were back up, hugging each other. Then Tel turned back to his audience, his defeated class behind him. "Anyone else up for a go? No? Nobody? None of the ladies?" His grin was pure, relaxed fun.

It was a pity that only a couple of the women had joined his classes. Testosterone fueled as they were, it would still be good for more of them to do it.

One of the watching men called out, "I think they're all scared of you Tel sedai."

It was nice actually, that they were able to have that kind of banter. It was what being aes sedai should be like. Respect where it was appropriate, but relaxed respect where you could also be friendly. None of the haughty distance of the White Tower.

"If they're scared of me, then maybe an easier target for them? How about Jaer?" That got another burst of laughter at the idea of any of them wrestling the huge man. It was a bit disappointing though, still it was nice that they could have their fun.

"How about Taija sedai," one of the women called out. Taija looked round sharply trying to work out who it was, but couldn't spot them.

Tel immediately shook his head, directing a bow in Taija's direction. "Taija sedai has much more important things to do than wrestle with foolish initiates, or even foolish aes sedai."

Taija nodded to herself at that. Still though, he was having so much fun, just messing around. Why couldn't she be happy too? She kept asking herself that. Maybe she was the problem? Maybe she just needed to let herself have fun too. Back in her time she'd have been out there being thrown around by Tel and loving every minute of it because she knew he wouldn't hurt her. Those happy times were gone, but maybe she could have fun too.

Maybe… Taija's mind went back to something she'd thought of during the War, but never had the chance to try. It had been going to be a hilarious surprise for Tel and then… Well then there were no more opportunities for fun. There hadn't been for a long time.

Taija wanted to rebuild the Hall. She needed to rebuild herself too. She didn't want to be the distant, respected but pitied, depressive leader of the Hall. She wanted to be happy and have fun too.

Before she could think better of it, Taija raised her voice. "Tel sedai's just scared I might hurt his student, but don't worry, I can be gentle." She started walking forward, shrugging off her coat as she went, a smile tugging at her lips despite her unhappy mood.

Taija handed her coat to one of the initiates and reached down to slide off her boots and socks before stepping into the ring barefooted. She made a show of giving her shoulders a roll and then beckoned to Jaer, "well come on then?"

He shook his head. "Taija sedai, it would give me obligation, our size difference, our strength."

Taija sighed, "alright then. If you're nervous…" She glanced around. "Eben, how about you?"

=======

Eben grimaced, this was not at all what he wanted. Either he was going to risk hurting their leader, she really was much much smaller than him, or he was going to end up humiliated because it would turn out she was secretly a highly skilled wrestler on top of everything else. He wasn't sure how comfortable he was getting that close to a woman either. Well, except Helena. It wasn't that he thought of Taija sedai that way, but especially without her coat he really could see the shape of her legs and hips under her trousers and she wasn't that old. Or at least she didn't look it.

Still, he knew better than to try to back out of this. The teasing would be good natured, but it would just go on and on. Damned if he did and damned if he didn't. With a sigh he got up from where he'd been sat on the ground and pulled off his boots before stepping into the ring.

"Just a second," Taija sedai winked at him, a faint smile on her face. His heart sank, he knew something bad was going to happen.

She turned back to the audience. "Tel sedai has been teaching some very useful skills to the initiates here and I do recommend his classes, the man knows what he's doing and it can be fun, which is important too." He wasn't sure he'd ever seen her doing something fun, but it was true that she was always encouraging the rest of them in it and made sure that they didn't spend every waking minute working. "However, Tel sedai doesn't know everything there is to know about wrestling or fighting. I'm going to demonstrate." She paused, her smile widening. "You can also use this as a lesson. To prove that I'm not cheating, I want you to be practising what you've been trained to detect unseen webs. Remember, fine threads of spirit. If you catch me channeling, then shout and obviously I'll forfeit the match."

Eben almost immediately felt the goosebumps that told him someone was channeling saidar nearby. When Taija turned back to him he gave her a nervous smile. He wouldn't say anything, he had his pride, but he knew this was going to be bad.

"Don't worry Eben, it'll be fun." He was fairly sure she'd spoken quietly enough that no one else heard. She raised her voice again. "Ready?" He nodded. "Let's go!"

She bowed to him, politely respectful and he returned it, then… nothing happened. Taija didn't move. Just stood there smiling at him.

Eben sighed. Fine. He slowly advanced on her reaching out to grab her. Now she moved, ambling, or maybe stalking towards him, a look of intense concentration on her face. Might as well be hanged for a sheep as a lamb, also he knew Taija sedai would be annoyed if he didn't at least try and the last thing he wanted to do right now was to annoy her.

Eben leapt forward, trying to tackle her, only to find himself flying as she batted away his arms and gave him a push, helping his momentum. He went tumbling out of the ring, landing in a heap.

Light! How was such a small woman so strong? He gave his head a shake and then looked up to see her standing over him, offering him a hand. After a second he took it and she hauled him to his feet. She really was incredibly strong, she just pulled with one hand and he nearly left the ground!

"Well done Eben, good job." She gave him a pat on the back and a gentle push back towards his classmates. "Now, you've all been watching me like hawks, I was practically covered in people poking me with spirit during that, it was quite distracting. Did I cheat? Did anyone feel any flows from me?"

There was a general shaking of heads from the audience.

========

Well that had been fun, but Taija felt a little bad for picking on Eben. He was a really nice kid, sweet and hard-working. No harm done though, his reputation wasn't going to be hurt after this.

"So, who's next. Jaer, do you think you might overcome your obligation and do me the honour?"

Jaer looked at her blank faced for a second and then laughed. "I shall not make the mistake of underestimating you Taija sedai. I shall join you in the ring." As Jaer stood Taija couldn't help but catch Tel's eye. He was standing there, arms folded, an amused smile on his face. He knew something was up, but not what. Taija briefly broke into an excited grin before getting herself back under control.

Once Jaer was in the ring they both bowed to each other and then it was time to begin. He was more cautious and yet more aggressive than Eben. No launching himself at Taija, instead it was constant feints, looking to grab her before she could properly react. He really was huge, he must have been at least twice Taija's body weight, if not more. She was still going to win though, because she was cheating.

It was hard, the focus and delicacy required… but Taija directed the paper thin flows of saidar over her arms and legs and down to her hands again. Conformed tightly against her body and actively under control to move while she did, she was confident that none of webs of spirit probing and poking at her would detect anything. Not with the level of sensitivity they had. Tel might be able to, if he really tried, perhaps Nynaeve, she doubted anyone else there would have much hope.

Suddenly Jaer moved, Light he was fast, Taija barely managed to intercept his arm, but when it hit her hand she stopped him dead. Grabbing with the other hand she pulled him onto her foot with inexorable strength. She wasn't tripping him with her foot, she was tripping him with the Power melded against her foot. It was too easy, no one could stand up to that kind of inexorable pressure. He fell, pulling Taija down with him to land on top of him.

He was instantly trying to rise, to push Taija off, but she'd got the palms of her hands on his chest, a web of air melded to them. He wasn't pushing against her strength, he was pushing against an immovable wall of the Power and he hadn't got a chance. After a moment he flopped back, "I yield."

Taija climbed off him and, as with Eben, offered him a hand to help him up. A tiny application of the Power and she effortlessly hauled him to his feet. "Good job Jaer!"

She felt strange, different. After a moment she realised it was because she was grinning widely. When was the last time she'd done something silly like this? Not since her time. Tel had the reputation as the one who did ridiculous things for laughs, but that was just because she was more discrete. The two of them had been a terrible influence on each other.

As Taija's thoughts went back to Tel as they so often did, her grin faded. The moment ruined. Again. Time to get back to work she supposed, let them try to work out what she'd done. Maybe she'd tell them tomorrow.

Only Tel had straightened up, he was coming towards the ring, a casual swagger to his step. "Well that was impressive! Taija sedai's secret techniques truly are powerful, I think she needs a real challenge though." He struck a dramatic pose in front of the audience. Oh Light. He couldn't be doing this.

Nope. Taija shook her head, "this isn't such a good idea."

She started to back out of the ring, not wanting to meet Tel's eyes. Then someone from the audience called out, "go on Taija sedai, show him how it's done!"

She couldn't work out whose voice it was. Damn it. She couldn't even tell them off. Why were they saying her name? There was a swelling chant. "Taija! Taija! Taija!"

Taija stopped moving back. Bennae had told her to have fun. The initiates were showing frightening disrespect, but they were telling her to have fun too. Fine! She was going to have fun. Taija held up a hand and the chant dies away.

"Alright then, let's show Tel sedai how it's done." She stuck her hand out and beckoned him forward casually. "Whenever you're ready."

Taija felt the probing webs of spirit descending on her again. It must have been driving some of them mad trying to work out how she was doing this.

Tel rolled his shoulders and then ambled towards her. Deliberately over confident and casual, making a show of it. Taija knew he was going to lunge forward and try to grab her about… now! She moved, grabbing for him and feeding power through the paper thin webs of air over her skin, with one smooth movement Taija picked him up and flung him across the ring.

Tel landed in a diving roll and was on his feet almost as fast as the eye could follow. His movements became more wary, the professional athlete coming to the fore, although he must have been a bit out of practice after so many years.

Despite his caution, there was a growing smile on his face. It was infectious. Taija felt her own forming, she had plans. She'd been wanting to try this for a long time, oh yes.

This time he was careful, trying to get grips on her without over committing. Good.

"Now watch everybody! You're minding your own business. Walking down the street when a champion wrestler attacks you. International Grappling Association, World Wrestling Championships, whatever, doesn't really matter."

Tel looked mildly offended for a second. Obviously he knew she was cheating, although Taija was fairly sure he still hadn't worked out how. As it was he was playing right into her hands. Literally.

Taija let him come close, ready to block his attempt at grabbing her. Then he moved. Light he was fast, even expecting it she almost missed, but she managed to close her hand over his wrist, not that she could get it all the way round, but it was enough. She could hold anything in her grip now.

"Wrong!"

Tel tried to grab with the other hand and Taija just managed to get his other wrist.

"Wrong again!"

Tel struggled to pull his arms free, but her grip was unbreakable. Possibly literally. Taija met his eyes and her smile widened even as consternation started to erase his.

"Now I'm in control. This is where I strike."

Before he had time to look scared Taija gave him a heave, straight up. He went airborne with a yell of surprise, flying up above her head before he landed on her hands, held up above her head, with a meaty thump.

Instantly he was trying to grab at Taija's arms, but they might as well have been iron bars as she held him straight above her head.

"This is why it's important to work out. A healthy body begets a healthy mind."

Taija couldn't quite stifle a giggle as she spun him round over her head. This was difficult, very difficult. She doubted she could do it if he was really fighting back hard, let alone if he was channeling too. In an actual combat situation it would be completely impossible given how careful and subtle she was having to be with the webs, controlling them perfectly to keep them against her skin.

Tel started laughing as she spun him, uncontrolled guffaws and that seemed to be the cue for the crowd of initiates to decide that they were allowed to laugh too.

Taija really wanted to grab him by the ankles and dip him up and down, head first, but she just wasn't tall enough. Frustrating.

"But you know, good as the workout is, this is meant to be a fighting class."

Taija suddenly dropped Tel, catching him just before he reached the ground and making sure he didn't hit it too hard before throwing herself on top of him in a mount.

"And now he's pinned, unable to escape and at my mercy." Taija couldn't control her giggles at that point.

He tried to buck her off laughing as he did it, bridging with his hips and looking to grab her, but Taija just casually batted his hands away, pinning them to the ground. That made her look down at him, see the happy smile on his face, mirrored by her grin. His face was flushed red, matching the heat in hers.

Their eyes meet and suddenly it was all back, thrust at Taija, reminding her of everything. This wasn't the past, everything wasn't ok. Her smile vanished and she couldn't get off him fast enough.

She needed to go. She needed to get out of there. What had she been thinking?! She couldn't just run off, everyone was watching.

Taija glanced back at him, tension thrumming through her. "Thank you Tel for helping me with my demonstration. Now, the first person to work out how I did that will get a reward." There, that turned it into a teaching moment rather than a loss of control. she'd have to think of something if anyone did work it out. "Right, we're all very busy, back to work everyone."

Taija turned and headed for the room she used as an office, quickening her pace, not meeting anyone's eye.

It wasn't far to her office, only a minute or two and then she could shut the door, spin a web against eavesdropping and find a corner.

As soon as Taija was in she sank to the floor, pulling her knees up to her chest, and let the tears flow. How could she have been so stupid? Why did she listen to Bennae? It felt like she'd just reopened every wound, slapped herself in the face with how things could have been, how they should have been. This wasn't making her happy, it was just reminding her of what she'd lost while she embarrassed herself in front of everybody.

Taija didn't hear the door open, or anyone coming in, nothing until he crossed the line of her web. When he did she looked up through blurry eyes to see him standing over her, sorrow in his eyes.

"Go away Tel." Taija put her head back in her arms until she heard a sliding thump and looked up again, he'd sat himself down on the floor next to her, leaning against the wall a distant look in his eyes.

"We really are a mess aren't we?"

"You seem to be doing alright." Taija immediately regretted her words.

Tel looked at her with his sad, blue eyes. "Come on, you know that's not true. You know me well enough."

After a moment Taija nodded and looked back down. It was true, he could plaster it over better than her, but she still saw it in his eyes.

"We can't keep going on like this." He pulled his legs up to his chest too in unconscious imitation of her own position.

"I know…" Taija stifled a sob. "But we have to do this. We can't just walk away. I just…" Her voice broke and she buried her face in her arms again, her shoulders heaving. "Just leave me alone Tel, I'll be fine."

She heard movement, maybe he'd leave her to cry in peace. Then an arm wrapped round her, gently pulling her against him. For a second Taija resisted and then she gave in and buried her face in his chest. It was better than her arms anyway and at least he'd put a shirt on.

"I can't stop thinking about everything, about us. I just want it back, how it was, but it can never come back. You killed it and I want to hate you for it, I know I should hate you for it, but I can't, not really and if you hadn't done what you did you'd be dead and I'd still be alone and just now it was so much fun and maybe the happiest I've been since… since our time and then I remembered and I can't have it back." He was gently stroking her head. "And I miss you and I'm so lonely and I just want you back, but I can't because it's gone."

By then she was clinging onto him, his broad chest like a life raft amidst the turmoil of her emotions.

"I'm sorry. I know. It'll be ok." He murmured as Taija half ranted half rambled into his chest. "I wish it had never happened, wish I'd not done what I did. Every minute of the rest of my life. But most of all I wish I'd never lost you."

She managed to get herself under control enough to pull away slightly and look up to his eyes. she must look a complete mess, puffy eyes, tear stained cheeks. Taija realised after a moment that he didn't look much better.

She should let go, push herself away. Instead she found herself giving him a weak smile. "I'm sorry Tel. I shouldn't have…" She gestured vaguely. His shirt was wet from her tears. His arms were still round her, she should make him move them. Really she should.

"We can never go back to what we had, I know. It's my fault." There was so much pain in his voice, but something else too. "But the Hall, Rand's school, the aes sedai. They're something worthwhile that we can rebuild from our own time. Maybe they don't need to be the only thing. Things can never go back to how they were, but maybe we can start over, build something new?"

Bennae did tell her to look for happiness. Maybe she was right. Maybe this had been inevitable ever since Tel gave her Lanfear's head. Did it matter? The real question was, was it what she wanted? Maybe it was selfish, given everything he'd done, but the answer was still yes.

Taija gave Tel a weak smile and tried to sniff the snot back up her nose. "Tel Janin, are you asking me out?"

After a long moment he replied, "yes I suppose I am."

"Ok..."

"Ok?"

"Ok let's try." Tentatively she leant back into him and his arms tightened around her.