Chapter 11:

Sara was up at five o'clock in the morning. Ever since coming to San Francisco, though living out of a hotel room, she tried to stick with her usual morning routine which consisted of a five-mile run. She changed out of her pj's into her running clothes and shoes, downed a glass of water, grabbed her phone and room key, and was out the door. The hotel was in Fisherman's Wharf neighborhood of the city, which was at the northernmost point. The street the hotel was located on was even named 'North Point'.

She exited the hotel, took a glance up and down the street, before starting to her left. She knew exactly where she was going as she jogged down the sidewalk, crossed multiple intersections, zigging and zagging around the roads passing many different apartments, condos and business, even a football field, to end up at Great Meadow Park at Fort Mason. It was a gorgeous day, but most days in the Bay area were beautiful in her opinion. The air was crisp, humidity high, and enough cloud coverage to keep the sun from baking her skin. It was going to rain today, but right then it felt perfect.

Then she cut up north, ran around the marina, and then headed back towards the direction of the hotel. Running along Aquatic Park Pier with historic old ships to her right and the Golden Gate Bridge to her left, she looked out at the bay and all the mountains and hills in the distance, including Alcatraz Island, and thought about how much she missed the water. She missed the ocean saltwater air, and the greenery, and even the rain. The desert was nice as well, but it wasn't what she loved. What she loved was the man who lived there, not the environment. If it wasn't for Gil, she never would have stayed.

What would her life for the last six years have been if she hadn't stayed in Las Vegas? Did she really even want to go down that road in her mind? All she could think of was the dinner she had the night before with Jane and Doug. She still couldn't believe that Jane called Doug. Jane had given her excuse that it was for a case, which was partly true. But the real reason she'd called was the fact that almost the first words out of her mouth to Jane were about Doug. She had wanted to see him, but not because she still had a burning torch for the guy.

He was a loose end that she wanted, or at least thought she wanted, to tie up. The way she'd left him and moved to Las Vegas basically overnight with no warning. She didn't even tell him why or 'goodbye' or anything. It should have been a dead issue anyway. Yet, it still haunted her mind like everything else from her past. It was unfinished, and until she finished it, it would always be there in the shadows of her mind and at the edges of her relationship with Gil. It'd creep in slowly until it surrounded her and then the next thing she knew, they were fighting about it, or something.

Once again, she was reminded of the fact that she was going to become Gil's problem unless she was able to move on from her past. Doug was her past, and despite the fact that she'd been blindsided by his appearance last night, she had to confront it. She had to confront him. He still loved her, was in love with her. Even though she couldn't stop Doug's feelings, she could at least put to rest her own while also letting Doug know that she was deeply, madly, in love with Gil Grissom. That she wanted, and would, marry him.

She never even thought that she'd ever get married, even to the man she loved. She could be in a long-term committed relationship with a man for the rest of her life without marriage. It wasn't like she believed in it, or God, or anything. Marriage actually scared her, but the moment Gil asked all she could think to say was 'Yes'. For Gil, marriage was a sacred thing. He did believe in God. And that was the reason she'd said yes. It wasn't for her, but for him. Once she started thinking more and more about herself and what she wanted, well, she never wanted to leave him at the altar, but she had, in a sense, ran away.

But she wasn't running away. She was finally running towards something, not away from it. She didn't want to get away from Gil, or their relationship, or a marriage with him. She was running so she could confront things that had been so hard for her to confront. All her secrets, and her pain, and her family, and Doug. The more she uncovered, the more she accepted the truth, the more painful everything got. That pain was needed. She needed to feel that pain and then let it go. Then she'd be able to move on from it.

Today, she had an appointment to see her mother. The anxiety that ripped through her nearly had her backing out. For most of her life, she believed that her mother had killed her father in a break from reality. Granted, her father had been abusive, but to commit murder—She never wanted to take another person's life, and she'd told herself that for years. She could never do it. Would never have a reason to ever do anything like that.

Then she was taken by a psychopath and put in a dungeon to die. Her thoughts spiraled deeper down into a very dark place and in that dark place she felt that it'd all been a lie. She could kill someone in order to save herself, or someone she loved. Her mother had killed to save herself and people she loved. Or, so she thought.

Getting back to the hotel, she grabbed breakfast to-go and headed up to her room. She ate while she cooled down and then showered. As the coffee was brewing, there was a knock at the door. It was probably housekeeping coming by to collect trash and wanting to know if she needed anymore towels.

She pulled the door open and gasped at the man standing in front of her. "Gil?" He was leaning against the door jab and his eyes lit up at the sight of her. "What're you doing here?" He opened his mouth to speak but didn't say a thing. The spark in his eyes faded and she realized how all that sounded. "Come in. I'm glad you're here, you just startled me," she rushed to tell him as she moved aside.

He walked into the room, pulling a suitcase behind him, and in his hand a reusable grocery bag. They stopped using paper or plastic a while ago. He took one glance around the room before turning to face her. His eyes took her in like he hadn't seen her a week ago, because he had.

Seeing him there, she felt her heart clench in her chest. It has only been a week, but she missed him so much. Whenever she felt like she was on shaky ground, he was her rock. He had a way of steadily her with just his presence. With the way she'd been feeling lately, all the guilt and pain that had taken over her heart and mind, there was only love coming from the man in front of her. She needed his love more than anything.

Raising the bag, he finally spoke. "I, uh, brought you some things." He pulled out a book and handed it to her. It was her favorite. Then he pulled out a tin, tea infuser, and an electric kettle and sat them on the desk next to the coffee machine. "You're probably missing the tea that I make specially for you, so I brought you a tin full of it. I didn't know what else to bring since I don't know when you're coming back home, so…I hope this is okay?"

She had been missing his tea, but that wasn't what gripped her chest. She heard the fear in his voice as he spoke those words. He didn't know when she'd be back. Her letter to him had put that fear inside his head. She made him doubt their relationship, their future. "I said that I'll be back in the letter—"

"I know what you wrote. Believe me; it's burned into my corneas. I also know that uh…It's been tough, for us, for a while—"

"Babe," she said as she tried to reassure him. "It hasn't."

"We argued. I yelled—"

"And I'm not holding that against you. I told you that I prefer the yelling over the silence—"

"But I don't yell. I don't ever want to yell at you. I'm sorry that I did."

She knew that. Gil really wasn't a fighter or someone who likes to argue. Whenever a confrontation started, he normally went into thinking mode and kept his emotions at bay. He never tried to push something into a full-blown argument but instead liked to ease it back down before it got to the point of explosion. She loved that about him, but she also didn't want him to shut himself down. The only reason they ever yelled at one another was because she told him not to shut himself down.

"I keep thinking that, um, that…" He was struggling to get this out. She could tell that he'd been thinking about, probably for the entire flight, what he was going to say. "You've loved me for a very long time, for as long as I've known that I love you. And I keep thinking that you're disappointed—"

"Why would I ever be disappointed?"

"The reality of me, of who I am, and our relationship isn't anything you wanted—"

Oh, God, he was doubting them and her love for him. "Gil, babe—"

"—The fantasy of me was probably better than the reality. I'm not living up to it—"

Dropping the book on the bed, she wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him so hard it took both their breaths away. He grabbed her up just as tightly. His fingers went to her waist. She felt his palm against her skin. It squeezed her gently but purposefully. When his mouth went to her neck, she tensed and gasped all at once. All her nerves tingled as if stepping out of a shower into a cold room. It wasn't from a cold chill in the air that caused her skin to tingle, but the love she felt for him.

If she let this continue, they'd end up in bed making love. She had no strength in her body to keep it from happening because she did want it to happen. She wanted him just as badly. His hands on her skin, and the gentle pressure of palming and rubbing, was setting her body on fire with desire. He was desperate. She could feel it pouring out of him as the gentleness turned to near ownership. She was his, and he wanted her desperately. He grabbed her under the thigh and lifted her until she was wrapping her legs around his waist, deepening the kiss.

Outside, she heard the rain start to come down as it hit the windows and balcony. Gil laid her in bed, pulling at her clothes as she pulled at his. As their skin touched, it was like an enormous wave had descended upon her, dragging her down into his arms that enveloped her. Her sensitive skin trembled at all the sensations that scattered her nerve endings from the coolness of the sheets to the lips that kissed her neck to fingertips that caressed over her chest before cupping a breast in his warm palm.

When his mouth left her skin, she opened her eyes to look up at him. His eyes were on hers and they were so soft yet dark that it took her breath away. Gil's eyes weren't only dark with desire, but from fear. She felt it in the way he grabbed her left hand, the one that wore his ring, and held on to it like a lifeline. He stretched their arms out above her head, supporting himself on that arm, as she felt him move against her; the sweat of his chest and the grip of his hand lifting her right leg over his left hip. Her breath caught as her head slammed back into the pillow as he slowly moved inside her until he was buried completely. His lips slammed into hers. Deepening the kiss, his body slowly moved in a steady rhythm that matched the light rain outside.

Pressing his body into hers, she felt the pounding of her heart as they rocked together. Her breaths came out in sharp gasps, forced out of her from his strong movements. A warmth started in her thighs, then spread up rapidly over her hips to ignite a hot cone of heat in her belly. As her body ignited on fire, so did Gil's. She heard it in his breathing as she felt the heat rolling off his chest. He wasn't going to last long, and neither was she.

The heat flared up and out as if racing through her entire body and out of her limbs, her skin, and emotions. Tears filled her eyes as she thought, "This was love." The desperate ache of a love that neither one of them wanted to let go of. He had brought that to her, filled her with it until it overflowed. She loved him with all the desperation he pounded against her hips.

She cried out as the tears broke. Her body trembled with a deep ache that tensed every part of her body. Gil thrust one last time into her and followed right behind. His gasping breaths against her neck and a muffled groan into her skin. She held him as her head felt light, body sated, and she drifted into the afterglow. It felt like true bliss.

He brought her back to herself by the urgency of his lips. He kissed her chest, her breasts and then her lips. Opening her eyes, she looked up at him and fell hard for him all over again. All she saw was love. He was all she wanted, and she was all he wanted. With a soft smile, he leaned down and kissed her again.

The rain was steady and peaceful, and it lulled them into a sense of peaceful bliss as they held onto one another. Las Vegas hardly ever got rain, so they never got the chance to spend a quiet rainy morning in bed together. His eyes searched her face like she was something he was still trying to learn from and understand. He wasn't wrong in his search. She's kept a lot from him. It wasn't so long ago that she searched his face the same way. Who was this man in her bed? She'd asked herself that many times since they'd gotten together. Over time she learned exactly who he was and who he was became her home.

She was certain he was asking himself,'Who is this woman?'. He knew enough to want to marry her. He knew enough to call her his home. Gil's right hand still gripped her left. His thumb rubbed over her fingers, the ring, before he lifted it to place a kiss on her knuckles, then her palm. Placing it on his face, he left it there as she cupped his face, rubbing his jaw before she tangled her fingers into his hair. He loved that.A kiss to her forehead, her cheek, and then her lips as his hand went to the small of her back to pull her closer to him. Gil loved to kiss. That was the first thing she'd learned about him when they first started dating. He'd rather kiss all day and night than anything else. He liked sex, they did it often, but he loved to kiss. And he was damn good at it.

They both needed a shower, and she needed to get ready to visit her mother, but the thought of getting out of that bed became nearly impossible. Her fingers left his hair to rub his chest. She was also supposed to be pushing him away so she could untangle herself from his embrace. It hadn't worked. She was so tangled up with him that it was hard to tell where he started and where she ended. Honestly, she didn't want to know.

Once he broke a kiss, and before he could come in for another that left her breathless and aching and desperate for more, she asked, "Why are you here?"

He simply said, "To love you."

She felt the tears well up again as her throat tightened. In his eyes was the truth, but also that desperation he'd entered the hotel room with. It hadn't left, neither did the fear. Using his thumb, he wiped a tear away.

His smile was so soft and kind as he said, "That's not what you were asking, but I do believe that it's why I'm here. With you, I found out what it really means to be alive. I found my purpose. And I know that no matter what, we can survive anything, and do anything, as long as we're together."

More tears broke as she grabbed his hand that tried to rub them all away. She kissed his palm and then his lips as she hugged him. This was love, she thought once more. And she knew with Gil that it was forever. They didn't need a ring to prove it or a marriage to solidify it. Their hearts were locked into one another with a chain so strong and tight that nothing could break it. They were in this together, and together, they could do anything. She had to believe that. It was the only way she could finally be able to tell him why she was there. She didn't want her secrets to be what ripped their hearts out of both their chests.

The rain stopped, the sun came out, and she had to let him go. He understood as he was the first to move out of bed. Pulling her along with him, they headed for the bathroom. The room wasn't cheap and had all the amenities of a five-star hotel, including a big walk-in shower that easily accommodated the both of them.

Through it all, he held her. He held her tightly to his chest as his lips kissed her shoulder, her neck. It wasn't to initiate sex but to comfort. His way of showing her that he loved her was through his actions by giving her what she wanted. Acts of service was what he did and expected in return. That was why he brought her favorite book and tea with him. It was so he could express his love. What she needed was physical touch. It was also how she expressed her love. That was why he gave into their kissing so quickly. Why he'd made love to her the moment he arrived.

He'd soothed so much of her anxiety and stress away that she felt rejuvenated. She could do anything. She could talk to her mother and get through it. Together, Gil had said, they could do anything. Why she even thought to leave him out of this, she had no idea. She thought she was protecting him from her darkness, from everything she felt that could drag him down into the crazy. She had been wrong. She knew that now. He was her rock, and just as she was there for him when he felt his life spinning so out of control, he was there for her. Turning in his arms, the water from the shower spraying over her back, she pulled him into a kiss.

Once the kiss ended, she told him, "Thank you for coming."

He only smiled, then kissed her again.

As they dressed, Gil started to explain what had brought him to San Francisco, aside from her. "We have a serial killer in Vegas. He's killed four women that we know of, and all we have to go on is a possible witness who turned out to be a killer himself. The ID for the suspect led me here. His name's Nathan Cole, and he's from San Francisco. The thing is…I don't think that's his real name. I think he took over Mr. Cole's identity. I came here to confirm if Mr. Cole is, in fact, a victim himself. Honestly, this case is just an excuse. I could've made a phone call to the SFPD. They could have sent me the files once they found them, and conducted their own investigation into the matter, but…" He stood and grabbed the front of her jeans and pulled her to him. "I had to see you."

She wrapped her arms around his neck as she told him, "I thought I didn't want you here. I thought…I had to do this myself. This is my life, my past, and it's something that I have to do. It wasn't for you to have to deal with." Staring into his loving, and very understanding eyes, she said, "My life isn't my own anymore. It may be my past, but it's our future I'm fighting for by confronting it. I feel like if I don't, it'll eat away at me and destroy any chance we have at happiness."

"Sara," he said as he moved her hair away from her face to cup her jaw. She felt his warm fingers on her neck, making her lean into his touch. "I spent a very long time running away from my past. I even changed my name to hide from it. I also understand how not dealing with it can lead to so many more problems and complications. It can eat away at you and cause you to…" he nearly smiled as he shook his head. "It can cause you to push people away, even those you want to love. You don't feel like you deserve any of it. Like, you're living a lie. You saw me through all of that. And you're still here loving me despite it. That's all I ever wanted to do for you. I want to help see you through this till the end. I want you to know that I will still be here loving you despite it all. I will wait for as long as I need to wait. You're my heart, my life, and there's nothing else I can do."

He really needed to stop talking or else she was going to start crying again. Gil used to have a hard time expressing his love for her through words. Then, one day, he found his voice. He found the words, and he had no problem saying any of them.

If Gil could find the words to tell her how he truly felt, tell her all his secrets, then so could she. She could tell him about her past. Her mother and brother. Her father. And Doug. "When I went to Las Vegas, I left behind some unfinished business."

"Old cases?" he asked.

"No, not old cases."

He suddenly grew confused, but he didn't move away. He kept his hand on her face, the other gripping the front of her jeans to hold her still against him.

"A guy that I had been with. We actually had a date planned. Then you called and I left. I didn't even tell him I was moving to Las Vegas. I didn't even come back here. I hired a moving company over the phone, set it up with my landlord for them to do all the packing for me. I knew what I wanted. I knew that I loved you from the first time we met."

"He's why you're here now?" he asked, genuinely interested in her answer.

"Partly. I do want to talk to my mother. I'm seeing her today. Doug is another reason. I felt like it was something I had to put to rest. I had to make sure that he didn't still love me and that he moved on." He gave a nod. A tense fear gripped her own heart as she told him, "He hasn't."

Gil was very confused then. He looked away, shook his head, and asked, "You talked to him?"

"Last night. We had dinner." His eyes widened in surprise. "The three of us, me, Jane, who's my former co-worker, and Doug. She invited him. I didn't."

"And he told you that he was still in love with you?"

"Not directly, but…yes. He flew out here to see me when Jane called him up." On seeing more confusion, she said, "He moved. Out to Maryland, I think. Washington D.C. He came all the way back out here to see me. So that he could talk to me face-to-face. He wouldn't have done that if he didn't still have feelings for me."

Gil still didn't move away from her, but he had dropped his hands. He was concerned. She saw it in his eyes. She waited with bated breath until he shrugged, shoved his hands into his pockets, and said with a smirk, "I hope he took it well when you told him that you were engaged."

There was teasing in his tone, and she nearly smiled. He wasn't upset. "He did. I think."

"Anything else?" his eyes went to the boxes on the floor that she'd been ignoring.

"Childhood souvenirs. My mom had a storage unit I never knew about." He was still waiting; knowing full well she hadn't told him everything. "I have to get to the hospital. You have to get to the SFPD—"

"You don't want me to come with you? The PD can wait—"

"Babe, since when can an active serial case wait?" She saw his concern, but he knew she was right. "Besides, I really do want to talk to her alone before I introduce you to her." He gave a nod and she continued, telling him, "I'll get you in contact with a friend that'll be willing to help, Detective Delancey, and I'll notify Jane Snyder at the crime lab. Then, we'll meet for dinner?"

He smiled as he said, "Of course. It has been eight years since the last time I was here, and I've missed the fresh seafood."

"I know just the place. Say, seven o'clock?"

They hugged once more before they left the hotel room. Stepping outside into the sunlight, she said, "That's my rental." He pointed to the department SUV. "You drove? It's over an eight-hour drive."

"I got here in six. Used the lights and sirens a few times. I am here on official police business," he said as he headed to the SUV.

Before he could get away from her, she stopped him with a hand to his chest and gave him a kiss. "I love you."

His eyes lit up as he told her, "Love you too." He then slipped on his sunglasses.

She watched as he walked down the sidewalk to the SUV before getting into the car. She let out a deep breath. She could do this. And if she couldn't, Gil would be there for her.

Thirteen Hours Later…

She stood in the restaurant bar, checking the time once more as she waited for Gil to arrive. They had a seven o'clock dinner date and it was seven-ten. He was running late. Probably got lost. He didn't know the San Francisco streets like he knew the ones of Las Vegas.

A man came up beside her. She looked expecting Gil but saw Doug instead. She gaped at him as she looked around in surprise. "What're you doing here?"

"I eat here. They have great lobster. What about you? I thought you're vegetarian?"

"I am, um…Gil's in town. We're meeting here for dinner. They have vegan meals," she said as a beer was placed in front of her. "I didn't order—"

"I did," Doug said as he picked up the other beer that was placed in front of him. He held up the bottle and said, "To your engagement." She hesitated but decided to humor him. They clicked their bottles together and took a sip. "Did you hear that they shut down the Rusty Nickel?"

She almost smiled. "Well, about time. That bar gave dives a bad name."

"What are you talking about? You loved that place."

"Well, yeah, you're right, I did love it, right up until the moment that they kicked me out for life."

Doug smiled as he tilted his bottle towards her, saying, "They did do that. Maybe that's why I kept going back, even after they kicked you out."

"Why's that?"

"It reminded me of you. Our time together—"

Sara let out a breath as she eyed the counter. "Don't start—"

"Start what?" he said innocently. "It's just…seeing you again brings back a lot of good memories for me. Honestly Sara, it's kind-of annoying how great you look."

She smiled and shook her head at him. Taking a sip, she felt someone come up behind her and turned and smiled wide at seeing Gil. "Hey, there you are," she said as he regarded her first before the man standing next to her. "Uh, Gil, babe, this is Doug Wilson."

The name registered in his head as he said, "You're the NTSB Investigator turned CSI. We met at the same forensic conference where I met Sara."

Doug had been looking Gil over, as if he were sizing him up, before saying, "We were there together. Sara and I. I remember you ignoring me in favor of talking to her. I don't blame you."

Gil tensed beside her. She felt his sudden irritation more than heard it as he asked, "What made you change career paths?"

Doug glanced her way and said, "I met someone. Then, you called, and she went running—"

"Doug—"

"No, it's okay," Doug said. "I'm sorry. Shouldn't have said that. I'm not angry. You deserved to work at the second-best crime lab in the country," he told her. "It's just that…I still can't believe you're engaged to your boss. That has to be interesting."

Gil seemed annoyed with Doug as equally as Doug was annoyed with Gil. She felt herself tense along with the growing tension between the two men standing between her and knew that she'd put it there.

"Technically, I'm no longer her boss," Gil said. She wanted to smile and shake her head at him. He got like that when he was trying to be nice and not dismissive. However, he was being highly dismissive of Doug.

Doug tried for a smile as he gave a nod and returned his eyes back to hers. "I'm glad things worked out for you. Why don't I buy you both dinner?"

"Oh, no—" she went to say before Gil cut her off.

"I'm the only one who buys her dinner. If we ever eat together, you're more than capable of paying for yourself."

She had to resist laughing at the look that crossed Doug's face. He hadn't been expecting that and tried not to let his anger show. She saw it before it was gone, replaced with a fake, tight smile before he took his beer and left them alone. She watched as Doug headed across the restaurant, towards the patio that overlooked the bay.

Turning to Gil, she saw him watching Doug. "He really does still have a thing for you, doesn't he?"

"Nothing for you to worry about."

Gil eyed her as he asked, "Were you two still dating when I asked you to come to Vegas?"

"No, no, we were, um…We'd broken up. He thought he still had a shot with me, and I thought I made a mistake leaving him, but once I arrived in Las Vegas that all ended."

"Why?"

"You." Her hand landed on his chest as she told him, "I saw you, the way you smiled at me, and I no longer had any reason to come back."

He smiled slightly and she saw the glint in his eyes as he said, "I'm so lucky you decided to stay." He kissed her on the forehead before turning to order a beer from the bartender.

Glancing over her shoulder, she saw Doug watching them.

TBC…

PS: I will get to what happened between Sara and her mother, as well as Grissom's day and what he learned in the next chapter.