Part 1 - Alderp
In the musty cellar, I was staring at a whiteboard.
It detailed my plans with that body-swapping divine relic.
I needed to hand it to the prince, chant the key phrase, and destroy this body.
But I messed up by handing it to him at the wrong time. I wasn't able to destroy the body safely, so I didn't chant the phrase.
The plan was still possible. I just needed to meet him again at a better time.
Yes, the plan is still in place. That is, until the two thieves stole the relic out of nowhere!
I punched the wall out of anger.
What's worse, the thief who stole the relic was the same brat who managed to avoid execution because Lalatina gave herself up for his safety. The same brat who used the fear of the 'chivalrous thief' to crash at my place and give me a headache!
Why the hell does a peasant like him get to have Lalatina all to himself?!
"Yee– Yee– Yee– Yee–" An eerie, disgusting panting sound came from behind.
I stormed to where a devil was lying on the floor. "Max…! I order you to retrieve the divine relic from the thief and unseal it, understood?"
That's right, the disgusting man lying before me was a devil.
If you look closely, he seemed to be a very handsome young man.
But his face was expressionless, and his head was half-missing to where you could see the brain.
"Yee– Yee– Alderp, Alderp! This is impossible, Alderp! I don't know where the divine relic is, and it's normally impossible to seal them."
I used all my strength to kick the devil who kept making excuses.
"You piece of trash! Just when are you going to grant my wish? Bring me Lalatina! You should've brought Lalatina over by now! Why can't you even do something so simple?"
I continued kicking this worthless devil while he hugged his head and panted disgustingly.
This devil is a hopeless idiot. He doesn't have the ability to remember things and will forget the orders given to him immediately.
Ah, no matter the price, I've got to get that divine relic back.
After I took out my frustrations on the devil, my mind began to clear up.
And that's when I came up with a new plan.
I walked as quickly as I could to the whiteboard and started erasing all the contents.
I drew everything as quickly as possible before any details slipped my mind.
"Yee– Yee–! Alderp, your plan is magnificent! Ah, your emotions are tasty right now, Alderp!"
House Dustiness was in deep debt from shouldering most of the payment for damages caused by a flood and the Mobile Fortress Destroyer.
If something were to happen to the head of house Dustiness which made it hard to return the loan, I could make an offer she couldn't refuse.
"Max! I order you to put a death curse on Lalatina's father, and make it look like an illness!"
"Yee– Yee– It has been done, Alderp! I love your desire for despair, Alderp!"
What a broken devil.
However, if I leave things as is, things could go wrong again. This time, I will take some precautions.
"And bring that thief here so he doesn't cause any more problems! You can torture him as much as you like."
I need to make sure that brat doesn't cause any headaches again.
"Yee– Yee– My pleasure, Alderp! The thief and his partner are here, Alderp!"
Oh? Maybe I underestimated this devil.
In any case, this is perfect.
"Bring them down here, right now!"
"Yee– Yee– I will have your guards chase them down here, Alderp!"
For once, this devil is actually being useful.
I walked towards a giant, metal door locked by a devil's seal. Max's seal. Only I had access to what was inside.
Inside this vault were all my material riches and evidence that I couldn't safely dispose of.
I grabbed a pair of goggles laying on a small table and closed the door.
This item had the ability to grant me wonderful dreams of my choosing. It has been said to rival the dreams of the succubi themselves.
After another stressful day, I would fall back to those dreams.
I laid on the couch and fell asleep.
Part 2 - Megumin
I was able to make Aqua promise to not tell anyone about what I said in the bath yesterday, but in my panic, I made a mistake.
I promised to get her expensive wine in return.
Since everyone restricted my access to alcohol for no reason, there was absolutely no way I could buy one myself.
So that's why–
"Thank you for letting me sleep over with you guys!" Yunyun subconsciously bowed while walking.
I would have her buy it for me.
She may be the same age as me, but her voluptuous body should pass her off as someone older.
If that didn't work, I'll just have to give Aqua my money instead.
As for what happened after my slip-up, we agreed on a girls' sleepover since Kazuma was gone.
It made sense at the time, and Yunyun came prepared with a long list of things to do. But in the end, we only played games and talked about Kazuma until we fell asleep.
It didn't feel right for us to take advantage of the opportunity while Kazuma was in such a dangerous situation.
What if he was kidnapped by the Demon King's army? They have a strong presence near the capital, so it's very possible.
Hold on, they managed to make it all the way to Axel, so that's unlikely now.
There's also a possibility they're still in Axel, hiding somewhere. But how could we find them before anyone else does?
Is Chris still with him, or did they split up? Are they planning on escaping Belzerg entirely?
If they did, finding them would be nearly impossible. It would also be very dangerous for them.
On top of all this, if he ever dies, there wouldn't be anyone with the ability to bring him back.
This, along with past memories of Kazuma, were all we talked about last night.
"We're here, Yunyun." As I was reflecting on what we talked about last night, we arrived at our destination.
"Huh? This is a brewery, Megumin."
"Yeah, now be a good friend to Aqua and buy her some wine."
"B-But wouldn't that be illegal?"
"It's not against the law, but most stores have stupid rules where they won't sell to anyone they deem too young. Besides, we'll get some for ourselves."
"I-I don't know about this, Megumin…"
"Come on, Yunyun! You've always said you wanted to drink like an adult. Are you saying you still consider yourself a child?"
"I'm far less of a child than you, Megumin! Don't get cocky just because you did intimate things with a man!"
"P-Please don't put it like that, it's embarrassing!" I walked behind Yunyun and grabbed her only asset with my hands. "Just go in there and be the adult you wish you could be."
"Hey, let go…! Fine, I'll do it!"
We opened the doors to the shop. The interior was similar to that of the guild hall. There were several shelves full of all kinds of alcohol.
"Your dear friend Aqua has an expensive taste, so don't think about trying to find a bargain."
"Don't think you can easily trick me by throwing in 'dear friend' like that, Megumin."
"It's not a trick. We're just buying some wine for her and some for ourselves, as a reward for helping her."
"If you insist…" Yunyun dejectedly walked towards the left wall, which had a large assortment of wine on display.
I walked closer to her while acting natural and pretending to be just another shopper. Every once in a while, I would catch a glimpse of Yunyun.
She stood there, visibly tense and looking way too suspicious.
After checking my surroundings, I approached her. "Stop looking like a child who lost their mother in the store. You're drawing attention looking like that."
"But, Megumin, I… This still feels illegal, you know?"
Sigh… This girl is way too sheltered. It's no wonder she doesn't have any friends.
"How about a duel, then? Whoever picks the best wine wins. The higher the price, the better!"
"You're just using the duel card to trick me! There's no way I'm accepting–"
"Oh, looks like I win again! I would've preferred if it wasn't by forfeit, though."
"W-Wait, I can definitely beat you on this one!" Yunyun protested, as she immediately broke out of her tension and put all her focus on winning the duel.
Satisfied by how easily I resolved that situation, I backed away to avoid drawing attention to ourselves. I'll gladly lose this duel if it means I get to drink alcohol and keep Aqua's mouth shut.
After a few moments of frantic searching, she grabbed a bottle off the wall and presented it to me. "I think Aqua would love this! It's worth 120,000 eris!"
I grabbed a cheaper wine that would be ours to drink. "What a shame, yours is clearly better than mine." I pouted, faking my look of defeat.
"Finally, I won another duel!" Yunyun started jumping while holding the bottle of wine.
"C-Calm down! You're attracting too much attention! And don't drop it! Just go to the front desk and pay for the wine like a good girl." I said as I gave her the bottle I was holding.
"Wait, why do I have to be the one that pays for it?! Was this duel just a trick?"
"Now, now. Don't spout such nonsense. Just act normal and buy the wine for your dear friend, Aqua."
Why was she making such ridiculous claims at this time? What a difficult girl.
"S-Stop saying 'dear friend'...! Fine, I'll pay for it."
"Remember, look confident. Real adults have no problem buying alcohol, so look like one." I said as I pushed her towards the front desk.
I quickly hid behind a shelf and examined her as she was waiting at the front desk. The owner of the shop must be somewhere in the back.
"Megumin, there's nobody… here…!" Yunyun trailed off as she turned to look for me as I quickly retracted my head behind the shelf. "Where'd you go, Megumin?!"
"Hello, ma'am, how may I help you today?" The store clerk appeared just in time. He was an older gentleman with an air of kindness and politeness.
"Oh! H-Hello… Sorry to bother you, but… umm… I'd like to buy these…" She presented the two bottles of wine to the store clerk like she was presenting a special katana.
Damn it, Yunyun looks way too suspicious!
"I'm sorry, but I don't feel comfortable serving alcohol to children." The store clerk politely, but brutally, ruined our plan.
It looks like I have to intervene.
I presented myself to the store clerk. "You shouldn't treat her like a child. She's just nervous, that's all."
"You seem familiar. Do you happen to be the archmage of Kazuma's party?"
Of course, I'm well-known in this town. Anyone who has personally slain several generals of the Demon King's army will be looked up to by everyone.
"Why, yes, it is I, Megumin! The commander of Explosion magic, slayer of several Demon King Generals, and the #1 prodigy amongst Crimson Demons!" I flicked my cape. "That's right, the person standing in your very eyes is the legendary archwizard of Axel!"
Perfect. Now that I've established my presence, the bottles of wine are as good as ours–
"Not this again!" The store clerk's previously positive aura was instantly replaced with one of fear, and he started scanning the entire store, as if there was a dangerous monster hiding somewhere. "First, that blue-haired archpriest, and now you… I can't afford to have my store blown up…"
"Ehh…? What do you think you're implying?!" I slammed my fist on the desk, causing the two bottles to almost tip over. "Maybe I should actually turn this place into ashes just to prove your point!"
"C-Calm down, Megumin!" Yunyun waved her hands in a desperate attempt to defuse the situation.
"This is exactly what I mean! You and your party keep causing trouble for my store!"
"This is my first time here! Why are you being so unreasonable?!"
"You just threatened to blow up my store!"
"Because you were acting so unreasonable!"
The store clerk calmed down a bit and sighed. "Just yesterday, your Axis Cult archpriest and her blonde friend came in here the other day and tried to buy our most expensive item, attempting to put it on the Eris Church's tab. When I refused, the blue-haired one purified the drink, threatened to purify all the other drinks in my store, and stormed off, while the other one stayed behind to offer illegal drugs to the other customers, driving them away from the store."
I was taken aback by what our blue-haired comrade did. That is, until I saw an opportunity.
"I see. In that case, let's make a deal. You sell us these, and I'll convince Aqua to leave you alone."
I presented him with an offer he couldn't refuse.
"I'm sorry, but as a member of the Eris Church sect, I refuse to willingly sell alcohol to minors as it goes against my morals."
"You can't do that! It's against the law to refuse service to customers just because they're minors! That's discrimination!"
"There's no such law! Get out of my store!"
I tried to pounce on the shopkeeper, but Yunyun restrained me.
"We're going now, Megumin! I apologize for the inconvenience, sir!"
"Let go, Yunyun! I need to give that man a piece of my mind!" I yelled as Yunyun dragged me back to the entrance.
…
"You can be a pushover sometimes, Yunyun. If you don't stand up for yourself, people will take advantage of you."
"This and that are way different! You were acting unreasonable in there!"
"He was the one being unreasonable! I tried to reason with him, but he wouldn't budge, so he needed some sense knocked into him."
"This is why your reputation is so low…" Yunyun turned her head away.
"That's not possible, Yunyun. I haven't done anything that would cause that."
"... What's this?" Yunyun had her attention on a poster on the wall of a building.
When I got closer to the poster to examine it, I froze.
We were looking at a wanted poster for the two thieves who stormed the royal castle a few nights ago.
"T-Two hundred million eris…" I mumbled. "S-So cool…"
"How is that cool, Megumin?! Now people are gonna try to hunt them down!"
Kazuma and Chris had a bounty of two hundred million eris on their heads.
Right now, they have the monumental task of not only saving the world from greedy nobles, but also having their identities exposed and a bounty comparable to that of a Demon King General.
If I can't find them, I could at least help them with their noble cause.
That's why I resolved to be the one to help them from the shadows.
"Yunyun! We need to make our own thieving group just like them! They need our help!
"W-Wh– Absolutely not, Megumin! That's the dumbest thing I've heard you say! I would love to help them, but this isn't the way to do it!"
"That's not something a vice president should say, Yunyun."
"I-I don't wanna be the vice president! I'm going to be the future chief of the Crimson Demon village! If they find out I'm part of a shady group, then–"
"What are you talking about?! We will be doing righteous and just thieving activities. We will be a thieving group that exists for the sake of the people!" I grabbed Yunyun's arm. "Now, come on, let's go recruit some members!"
In the few minutes of walking to the guild hall and using the term 'friends' a few times, Yunyun joined my group.
I asked the guild receptionist for materials to make a poster, and we sat on a table.
Yunyun was watching me create a recruitment poster to put on the bulletin board.
"'Searching for those with the thief profession. For the sake of justice, we will resort to criminal methods. Limited to those who are strongly motivated. Our primary tasks include assaulting nobles…' Are you crazy, Megumin?! Why would anyone accept that?!"
"... You're right, Yunyun. I was going to limit this to Thief professions, but I wouldn't mind other professions. Let me fix that."
"That's not what I meant! The guild hall won't just allow someone to use their bulletin board to recruit people for criminal activities!"
I ignored Yunyun and got up to post my request sheet on the bulletin board.
As I sat back down, I made an announcement. "For our first mission, we need to make money to fund future activities and search party efforts."
"But how are we going to make money?"
"We just need to do what the two chivalrous thieves did. We earn money stealing from nobles."
"I still don't approve of this…" Yunyun mumbled.
"Don't be such a downer, Yunyun." I spotted a waitress and raised my hand to catch her attention. "Hey, can we have two Crimson Beers?"
"I'm sorry, but you two look a little too young to be drinking."
"We're old enough to marry! Why does everyone keep rejecting us?!"
The waitress smiled apologetically. "I apologize for the misunderstanding. I'll get you two drinks."
Both of our eyes lit up as the waitress walked away.
"Megumin, does this mean we can finally have a drinking contest?!"
"Fufu, don't get ahead of yourself, Yunyun. Don't just start a duel you'll lose to. That would be irresponsible."
"I will definitely win this duel! I can't imagine myself being more lightweight than you."
"What's that supposed to mean, Yunyun? Go ahead and explain in detail."
"What are you two little girls doing here alone?" A blonde adventurer sat down next to Yunyun as he greeted us.
"Little girl?! You have some nerve calling me that, Dust!" I slammed my fist on the table. "Especially after what you did with my staff!"
"I didn't do anything to your staff– Ohh, right. Wait, how'd you know about that?"
"So you admit it!" I reached all the way across the table to grab his collar.
"Agh– Stop it, you little brat! Urk– How are you this strong?!"
"You just said I'm little again!" I shook him harder. "This is what you get for using my beloved staff like a spear!"
"We would've been dead otherwise! We were in a deadly situation that you caused– Ow, ow, ow!"
I shook him harder after he shamelessly blamed me for no reason.
The waitress interrupted to serve us our first taste of beer.
Eager to finally have my first taste of alcohol, I grabbed the mug and–
"E-Excuse me… These are Neroids…" Yunyun said timidly.
"Is this a joke?! We ordered Crimson Beer, not juice!"
"I said I would get you two drinks." She smiled, feeling no shame for tricking us. "Dust, are you really hitting on young girls now? Every day, you continue to sink even lower."
"Who the hell do you think I am? Besides, this lady here looks more mature and older than this little girl." Dust said as he put an arm around Yunyun, making her freeze out of fear.
"It's like you're asking for it!" I yelled at Dust for continuing to make those comments.
The waitress stared at Dust in disgust. "... You do realize Yunyun-san is the same age as Megumin-san, right? Did you even know her name?"
Dust quickly withdrew his arm and created some distance from Yunyun. The waitress shook her head in disdain and left.
"Hey, what about our beers?!" I tried to yell after her, but she didn't stop.
"Well, I gotta get going now. I think I saw some girls eyeing me. It seems the girls here are finally starting to recognize my greatness."
"They're making sure you aren't trying to prey on us." I retorted with no hesitation.
"... Your poster looking for people to play with is being taken down right now." Dust retorted.
"What?!"
I looked behind me. Luna was taking it off the bulletin board, so I confronted her.
"Stop...Stoppp! What do you think you're doing?!"
"I'm not trying to do anything! This is a bulletin board intended for use by adventurers to gather party members. If you're looking for people to play with, please do so somewhere else!"
"P-Play with?! This is serious business!"
Even after I gave her a piece of my mind, she still subjected me to unfair treatment and took down the request sheet I worked hard to make. I returned and put my head on the table.
"So what now, Megumin?" Yunyun asked.
"Since we're being treated unfairly, we have no choice." I got up and slammed my hands on the table. "We're going to the capital!"
Part 3 - Kazuma
It was completely dark outside, so I had to rely on my Farsight skill to analyze our situation.
We were hiding behind a tree as we examined the large mansion in front of us.
"Boss, why are there so many guards stationed outside?"
"Every noble in this nation is on high alert because of us. Those guards don't look as scary as the royal knights, though."
That makes sense. Even before our heist, Chris was going around robbing nobles and getting away.
Now that she wasn't alone and even the royal castle was proven to not be safe from them, every noble would be on high alert after that.
"Do we really have to do this? Let's just wait until things settle down first."
Chris nodded her head. "That monster-summoning divine relic has no limits on what it can summon. It could summon a dragon or a duke of Hell. If he could find a way to use the item safely, there's nothing stopping him from constantly summoning monsters and releasing them into the wild."
Sheesh, that's scary as hell!
Chris continued. "It looks like he hasn't used it yet, since we haven't run into any monsters yet. I'm surprised, considering someone like him has that thing."
"Don't say something that'll raise a flag!"
Right on cue, we heard a faint growl from a distance.
We immediately scanned our surroundings, but we didn't see anything.
"Damn it! We gotta hurry and get inside before it finds us! I'd rather deal with those guards than whatever the hell I just heard."
Chris nodded quickly in tension. "There's a blind spot over there by the windows. Let's enter that way."
We activated Lurk and carefully made our way to the window while keeping an eye on our surroundings in case the source of the scary growl showed up.
"This window doesn't seem to be trapped, Assistant-kun." Chris said as she used her Detect Trap.
I activated mine just to make sure. "Yeah, I'm not getting anything from it, either."
"They didn't trap these windows? That's odd."
"Oh well."
I grabbed the handle of the window and tried to pull, but it wouldn't budge. The window was locked.
As Chris leaned in to disengage the lock, I stopped her. "Wait, let me try."
While we were waiting for night to fall, I scanned through my adventurer card and found two useful skills I could learn.
One of them was the Lock Pick skill, which I must've learned by watching Chris disarm the trap set on my bedroom window.
I found a lock I could access and started picking the lock with some makeshift tools I created with sticks during that same wait.
After a few seconds, I heard a click. I gave the window a light push, and it opened slightly.
"You're already becoming a real thief, Assistant-kun." Chris smiled with pride.
"Thanks, Boss."
I carefully opened the window wide, but it was making a weird growling noise, so I stopped moving the window.
But the noise didn't stop. That's when I noticed the outside wall in front of us was slightly more illuminated than before.
I turned around, expecting the guards to have caught us, but what I saw was far worse than that.
The hairs on my body stood up, and I froze. Chris turned around, likely thinking what I was thinking too, and did the same thing.
Standing in front of us was a wolf, almost as tall as us, standing on all four legs. Parts of its body were either on fire or contained glowing, orange spots of magma. The rest of the body was covered in black fur.
And it was standing only several meters away from us.
"B-B-Boss…" I whispered to Chris while frozen in fear.
"Y-Yes?"
"P-Please tell me you have s-something that can help us here."
"... I don't."
What the hell do we do? The window wasn't opened enough for us to quickly get in.
There's also the matter of whether the window would even withstand this beast.
My first thought was to blind it with my Create Earth spell, but that combination takes a moment to prepare.
A moment too long.
Then I thought about the other spell I saw on that adventurer card. I had no idea when I ever learned it, but it was there.
Flash.
It creates an intense light that blinds everyone facing the user.
It's a much faster and more efficient version of my Create Earth combo, but it consumes more mana.
"B-B-B-Boss, close your eyes…"
"I… don't want to."
"Just trust me."
"... Okay, my eyes are closed."
I slowly raised my hand and started casting the spell as quietly as possible.
I've never used it before, so there was a chance this wouldn't work and we'd die right here.
But it was our only option.
When I mentally prepared myself, I took a quiet, but deep breath, and closed my eyes. "Flash!"
The very same moment I cast Flash, I opened my eyes again and swung my arm around Chris, grabbing her. I yanked the window open with all my strength, and I dove in, pulling Chris inside with me.
The black wolf immediately lunged towards the last thing it was facing before the light, which was the window.
We crawled backwards as the wolf stuck its head in, shattering the window, and reaching within centimeters of our legs.
Fortunately, the wall was sturdy enough to keep the beast from reaching us.
"Quick, activate Lurk!" Chris warned.
Right as we both activated our skills, the first set of guards came rushing in to check the commotion.
We quickly crawled toward a wall on the side to avoid detection.
While the guards were anxiously trying to poke the beast with their swords, we snuck away and into a nearby empty room.
We spent a few moments catching our breath.
"What the hell was that, Boss?!" I whispered loudly.
"That was a Searath. Those don't exist anywhere in Belzerg, so that thing definitely came from the monster-summoning relic."
"And that thing's just roaming near Axel?!"
"Now you see why this mission is urgent, Assistant-kun?"
Once we finally caught our breath and calmed down, we activated Lurk and entered the hallways again.
"My Detect Treasure is telling me it's upstairs." Chris whispered. "We may have to go out into that large, open room to get upstairs, though."
As she said that, the hallway we were in ended, and we found ourselves in what must've been the central area. The ceiling rose twice as high, and to our left was a large set of stairs leading all the way up to the second floor.
We traced around the walls until we made it to the stairs.
"Wait, I hear people coming." I stopped Chris.
I could make out what the incoming guards were saying.
"They built this mansion really sturdy, huh?"
"Hahaha! Even a creature like that couldn't break through the walls. I feel safe in here."
"Isn't it kinda odd to you, though? A lot of the monsters we encountered aren't native to this area."
"Yeah, it does seem odd. Although it could just be Alderp-sama importing exotic animals here."
"Hahaha! Nobles will do whatever they want, after all. Your theory makes sense."
We watched the guards walk down the stairs and towards where the commotion was.
They must have some sort of way to communicate with each other at a distance if they already knew what happened.
After making sure the coast was clear, we went upstairs.
Once we arrived at the top, we found ourselves in a hallway that split three ways.
"That must be Alderp's room." Chris pointed at a fancy-looking set of doors at the end of the hallway straight ahead.
Yeah, that's definitely his room. But what I found odd about it was the fact that it wasn't guarded at all.
In fact, the entire hallway ahead of us had no guards. We could just turn off Lurk and walk all the way there casually.
"I think all the guards went down to check out what happened." As if Chris read my mind, she gave a good answer to what I was wondering.
We kept our Lurk on, just in case.
Once we got close to the doors, I could make out the details. It was well over twice our height and plastered with decorations made out of gold.
We both used Detect Trap, which returned nothing, so we entered the room and closed the doors behind us, being as quiet as possible, since Alderp was likely sleeping inside.
The room was obscenely large. However, it was still lit… and empty.
"Huh, he's not sleeping? Where is he, then?" I asked.
"Maybe he's sleeping elsewhere. Someone like him has multiple places to live."
"That makes it easier for us, then." I relaxed and started taking in the area around me.
The first thing I saw was a bed— the size was unlike anything I've seen in my life. It made even the beds at the royal castle look small in comparison.
"Even that fat bastard doesn't need a bed that big."
Chris snickered. "From my experience, the more corrupt and greedy the nobles are, the bigger their beds are."
"Then this guy must be the very definition of one."
I wanted to lay on that bed. I don't have the Detect Treasure skill like Chris does, so I won't be of much help. I might as well stay out of her way and lay on the bed.
Just as I was about to jump on it, I felt something hit the back of my head.
"Ow! What was that for?!"
She made a hushing motion with her hand and made a motion telling me not to do it.
I'll have to buy one of those beds with the money I get from Vanir later.
A giant painting above the bed caught my attention. It was a blonde woman in a large, white dress.
Then I saw a red hairpin that looked similar to the one Darkness was wearing.
Wait, is this a painting of Darkness?
"The monster-summoning relic isn't here." Chris whispered directly in my ear, causing me to jump.
"Don't sneak up on me like that!" I yelled at her while maintaining whisper volume. "Also, does that look familiar to you?" I pointed at the painting.
"... I haven't seen that painting before… But that looks like Darkness."
"Maybe I should get one of those paintings to embarrass her later."
"You're so mean, Assistant-kun… Let's go."
"Wait, if you detected treasure here, then what did you find?"
"Oh, I'm sensing something coming from this." She handed me a pair of glasses. "Wait, be careful–"
I put the glasses on without hesitation. The moment I did so, my face immediately grew red, and I couldn't contain my excitement.
"O-Oh, it's nothing, Boss. I could use some glasses anyway, so I think I'll keep them." I could barely muster those words while I found my gaze moving downward.
"You're acting strange! Give me those!" Chris fought to get the pair of glasses back.
"Don't worry about it, Chris!" I pleaded, but she successfully retrieved the glasses and put them back on.
"Huh, I don't see anything… strange…" Her voice trailed off as she turned her gaze toward me. Her face immediately grew red, and she yanked the glasses off and smashed them on the ground. "This thing is awful!"
"That's a priceless treasure! Why are you destroying it?!" I got on my knees, trying to retrieve the glasses before Chris could damage them any further, but she had already delivered a killing blow with her boot.
"I could see your underwear! This thing cannot exist!" Chris complained as she instinctively covered herself. "To think someone like him owns one of these things…"
I stayed on my knees in despair.
Just then, a loud alarm started to sound.
"Look what you've done, Boss!"
"Why are you blaming me?! You were the one yelling! Ugh, whatever, we gotta go now!" She grabbed my collar and dragged me back to my feet. "We need to have a long talk later, Assistant-kun!"
As we ran out of the room, we could see guards moving upstairs. We tried to activate Lurk, but one of them caught us and blew on the horn, alerting everyone else near him.
But I could only think of one thing at this time.
The glasses Chris broke could see through clothing, up to the undergarments.
But… Chris has been going commando since a few nights ago when I burned her undergarments.
That meant her bottom half had no protection against the pair of glasses.
I couldn't help but crack a satisfied grin as we faced off against the guards.
Part 4 - Megumin
"M-Megumin, where are we going?"
After eating at the adventurer's guild, we teleported to the capital via the teleport station in Axel.
Since it was Yunyun's first time visiting the capital, she was preoccupied with admiring the view, since it was very different from our village and Axel.
But that admiration turned into nervousness as we got closer to the royal castle.
"W-Wait, Megumin, didn't you say Kazuma stormed the castle? Are we really going here? Wouldn't they hate us?"
"Don't be silly, Yunyun. We weren't involved in his plans, regrettably."
"What do you mean regrettably…?! Besides, what makes you think you can just enter the castle whenever you want?"
"Why can't I? Must you keep forgetting my party's accomplishments?"
"Even so–"
"Hello, we're here to visit the royal castle." I cut off Yunyun as we arrived at the gate.
"Are you crazy, Megumin?! You can't just do–"
"Hello, Megumin-san." The guard standing on the left greeted me. "And what's your name, young lady?"
"W-Wh– Y-You two… know each other…"
"Don't be rude and tell this kind gentleman your name." I shook my head. "This is why you struggle with making friends, Yunyun."
"S-Sorry…! I'm Yunyun." Yunyun bowed timidly.
"You're a Crimson Demon, Yunyun. Please introduce yourself properly."
Yunyun shrank even more. "I-I'm Yunyun, an Archwizard, wielder of Advanced Magic, and the one who'll become the chief of the Crimson Demons in the future…!" She weakly flicked her cape.
The guard chuckled, causing Yunyun to sink her head lower. "Another Crimson Demon, I see. Well, you two wait here. I'll let them know you arrived."
The guard left, leaving just us and the guard patrolling the right side.
"So how did the guard know who you are, Megumin?"
"Because I set a name for myself here, Yunyun. This city knows of my greatness!"
"What did you do while you were here?"
"Oh, I only saved this city from the Demon King forces with a single explosion!"
"R-Really?"
"Of course! You have a long way to go before you can even think about getting to my level!"
"I'll beat you one day! Just you wait!"
Just then, a voice interrupted us.
"Welcome back, Megumin-dono. I would've preferred if you notified us of your arrival ahead of time, but I'll allow it this one time. Her Highness is currently taking lessons, so you'll have to wait." Claire turned to the other Crimson Demon standing next to me. "Oh, hello there. You must be a Crimson Demon, too. What's your name?"
After an awkward pause, Yunyun finally introduced herself. She messed up her introduction again, so I had to make her try again.
After she finished introducing herself, I helped alleviate the awkwardness. "You'll have to excuse her. She's very shy and doesn't have any friends."
"T-That's not true!"
"Yeah, yeah."
"Oh, I see." Claire looked at Yunyun with a face of pity. "Well, I'm Claire of house Symphonia, and the escort of Her Highness."
Yunyun grew even more nervous after learning the status of the person she's talking to. "N-Nice to meet you, Claire-san."
"Well, why don't I take you guys on a tour of the castle for now, since it's her first time here?"
"A-A tour…? You don't have to do that for me…"
"You are a friend of Megumin-dono, so it would be my pleasure." She smiled, calming Yunyun a bit.
As Claire gave us a tour of the castle, Yunyun gradually grew relaxed, and she was able to fully appreciate the beauty around her.
Halfway through the tour, Claire had work to do, so one of the knight commanders led us the rest of the way. After the tour was done, we waited on a balcony overlooking the entire city.
"I can't believe they let us see the entire castle, Megumin!" Yunyun beamed as she stared out the balcony.
"Right? Oh, I don't think I told you about when Kazuma and Iris switched bodies."
"T-They did what?!"
"Yeah, Kazuma did something dumb as usual."
By the time I finished the story, Claire had returned, bearing good news.
"Her Highness is finished with her lessons." She turned to Yunyun. "Did you enjoy the tour?"
"I-It was awesome! Thank you, Claire-san!" Yunyun bowed repeatedly.
"It's not a problem at all." Claire paused before saying her name. "... Yunyun-san, right?"
"Y-Yes…"
"I apologize. Crimson Demon names can be strange to us."
"In our perspective, it's your names that are strange to us." I said.
"I see."
Before I could ask Claire to take us to Iris's room, a voice interrupted.
"Megumin! Thank you for coming here to visit!" Iris ran up and hugged me.
"Any time, Iris."
During our extended stay at the castle after Kazuma's little criminal activity, we stopped using honorifics for each other.
Iris turned to Yunyun. "You must be Megumin's friend. I'm Belzerg 'Stylish Sword' Iris, the princess of Belzerg, the descendant of the most powerful ancestors, and one whose hero's blood runs in my veins!" Iris put a spread-out hand over her face and extended her other hand out to the side.
"Good job, Iris. You nailed it this time!" I gave her a thumbs-up.
"I did it right? Yay!" Iris started jumping in joy.
"Please don't do that again, Iris-sama." Claire looked at Iris as if she'd done something weird.
"I-Is there something wrong with what I did?" Iris spoke softly while looking down in shame.
"N-N-Not at all! It's just that–"
"Just ignore Claire. She's jealous of how awesome it was."
"R-Really?" Iris looked at me with an unsure expression.
"Yeah! Now let Yunyun demonstrate to… you…" My voice trailed off as we all turned our attention to a Crimson Demon who was anxiously kneeling at the sight of the highest-ranking female in Belzerg. "What are you doing, Yunyun?"
"P-Please don't kneel! You're Megumin's friend, so it's okay. What's your name?"
"I-I'm sorry!" She stood up quickly, causing Iris to flinch slightly.
"How rude of you to not give Her Highness your introduction, Yunyun." I took the opportunity to tease her in this situation.
Yunyun took a deep breath, but she was trembling slightly. "I-I'm Yunyun… I'm… an Archwizard… a-and wielder of Advanced Magic…–"
"P-Please calm down! Please don't be afraid of me, Yunyun-san." Iris delivered soothing words to Yunyun, which had great effect, as she immediately calmed down and redid her introduction with better execution.
"Iris-sama, I finally submitted all the paperwork detailing your orders to bring the two thieves directly to you if they are ever arrested. They should go into effect very soon."
"Thank you, Claire."
"Huh, what's this about, Iris?" I asked.
"Now if the thieves ever get caught, I'll be the one to decide their fate!" Iris smiled while clasping her hands.
Claire sighed. "So that was your goal all along, Iris-sama?"
"I can make onii-sama forgive you and leave you alone in exchange for their freedom, if that would make you feel better."
"P-Please do, Iris-sama." Claire responded with no hesitation.
Was she really that scared of Kazuma now?
Kazuma was able to make the bodyguard of a princess tremble in fear at the thought of being hunted down by him.
… So cool!
"Well, I have to leave once again. Goodbye, Iris-sama. Megumin-dono. Yunyun-san."
"Bye, Claire!" Iris waved goodbye before she walked up to Yunyun. "So you and Megumin are friends?"
"Well, it's more like she's a rival of mine, even if it's self-proclaimed." I interrupted.
"P-Please don't call our rivalry self-proclaimed…" Yunyun spoke softly, still afraid of the authority standing close to her.
"You two are rivals? But you two seem to be getting along quite well…"
"Ah, it's just that I pity Yunyun, since she doesn't have any friends, you know?"
"R-Really? That's very sad to hear."
"She's lying! I have friends… Please do not believe a word she says!"
"Well, in any case, let's be friends, Yunyun-san!" Iris beamed with joy as she grabbed Yunyun's hands, causing her to tense up.
"F-Friends… with Her Highness…?"
"Please just call me Iris!"
"S-Sorry, Iris-sama…"
"Let's go to my room! I wanna hear some of your stories, Yunyun-san!" Iris said as she grabbed both our hands and led us to her room.
Yunyun ended up telling her stories for over an hour, as she finally became relaxed at the face of the curious and welcoming Iris. Of course, I interjected every once in a while to correct any details and fill in the gaps.
"... Some bright light suddenly appeared above Axel, which caused Arnes to drop Chomusuke, and I barely managed to catch her. That's when Megumin finished her off."
"With my Explosion magic! You forgot to include that very important part, Yunyun. Arnes thought I was some powerless wizard the whole time, so you can imagine the look on her face when she saw me casting the most powerful magic on her!" I stood up triumphantly.
"So cool!" Iris beamed.
At one point during the storytelling, Yunyun accidentally referred to Iris's name without any honorifics, and immediately tensed up when she realized it. Before she could say anything, Iris continued prying more stories out of Yunyun. Seeing Iris completely unfazed, she quickly calmed down again and continued.
Once we ran out of interesting stories to tell, I finally got down to business.
"Hey, Iris, I made a noble thieving subgroup of the Silver-Haired Thieving Brigade. We will engage in heroic and righteous thieving activities in the name of justice! How would you like to join my group, known by all as Megumin's Bandits?" I extended a hand to her.
All the relaxation and color left Yunyun's body at that immediate moment.
"Of course!" Iris accepted with no hesitation.
"Megumin, what the hell are you doing?!" Yunyun gasped.
Part 5 - Kazuma
"They're blocking our way, Assistant-kun!"
Once I finally saw the sheer number of guards blocking our only exit, I finally snapped out of it.
"Yeah, there's absolutely no way." I said flatly. "We're gonna have to escape through the window."
When Chris walked back into the bedroom, I used Create Water + Freeze right in front of where the guards were and quickly closed the door.
"Is that wolf still out there?" Chris asked me as she pulled out her rope and tightly tied the two doorknobs to each other.
I looked out the window. "... Yeah, I still see it. We'll definitely get attacked if we escape out the window."
We heard a combination of fists pounding on the door and the sound of armor crashing on the ground as a result of slipping on the ice.
"Damn it! We're completely trapped here, Boss!"
"Let's look around the room and see what we can find! There might be something useful."
Chris and I scanned the entire room, but at best, we only found one item we could possibly use to fight back against the guards or the Searath.
"Help me block the door, Assistant-kun!" Chris yelled as she started pushing a dresser towards the door. The doorknobs were starting to come loose due to the resistance.
I grabbed a chair and propped it up against one of the doorknobs. It wasn't much, but it would at least buy us some time.
"We're screwed. Let's just surrender, Boss."
"But…" Chris sighed. "I don't think we have a choice."
"Wait, if I blind the Searath, we could escape that way."
"That won't be any good. Searaths have an excellent sense of smell and hearing, so it'd still easily track us down."
"..."
Damn it, we really are trapped in here!
There's no doubt we'd be executed if we surrendered. Either the royal family would have our heads chopped off, or we'd be taken directly to Alderp, where he can murder us and get away with his crimes as per usual.
We can also die a gruesome death if we escape the window.
In that case, I might as well leave behind a mess for this landlord to deal with.
My first target was the painting of Darkness.
"A-Assistant-kun, what are you doing?"
"To hell with that stupid landlord! All he's done is cheat his way to the top!" I climbed on top of the oversized bed. "I'm going to give that bastard a massive headache!"
"What are you doing?!"
"He likes Darkness, huh? Well, let's see how he likes it when I destroy this stupid painting!" I grabbed the painting and yanked it off the wall.
"W-Wait–"
I used Tinder to set the painting on fire, tossed it aside, and started laughing like a maniac.
"You're making things worse, Assistant-kun!"
"As if things can get any worse! We're wanted criminals! We're trapped here, and the only two options for escaping lead to death!"
"Wait a minute–"
I cut her off once again. "Look, there's something I need to get off my chest. When I put the glasses on, I saw–"
"No, wait! Look!" She pointed somewhere behind me.
It took me a moment to figure out what I was looking at, but as soon as I did, I saw hope.
It seemed to be a secret door leading somewhere.
"Wait, what were you about to say, Assistant-kun?" Chris tilted her head.
"N-Never mind, Boss." I walked up to the door and opened it, revealing a lit tunnel leading straight ahead. "Looks like this is our best bet."
Chris sighed and followed me as we walked down the secret tunnel, big enough for a fat landlord to comfortably stand.
After a few moments, we got close enough to the end, which contained a ladder leading straight down with smoke coming out.
Chris and I looked at each other and nodded. We started climbing down the ladder.
There's a chance we climb straight down to a large horde of guards, or we climb towards freedom.
The smoke was making it hard to breathe, but it's still our best option.
After a few moments of climbing, I looked down and saw a small fire at the bottom.
"I think this is a fireplace. If there's nobody nearby, we can get out that way." Chris whispered as loud as she could.
When we got close enough to the bottom, I extinguished the fire with Create Water, allowing us to get out easily.
But now I'm starting to feel tired. I'm definitely starting to run out of mana, so we have to be careful.
Fortunately, there were no guards around, so we ran to the side of the mansion opposite where we saw the Searath.
Because I was running low on mana, I chose not to activate Lurk.
However, that meant when we inevitably saw a guard in sight, they also saw us and sounded the alarm.
"There's the window!" Chris called out as the same window we entered from came into view.
But when we came within meters of the window, we froze.
"God, damn it!" I cried out in despair.
The Searath stood outside the window, in clear view, trapping us once again.
We were in a corridor with no intersections to escape from, so we were once again trapped.
We could only turn around and watch the growing number of guards blocking our other way out.
Besides a few doors leading into other rooms, we had no way to escape. Even if I were to blind them, we wouldn't be able to get past them, since they were physically blocking off the entire hallway.
When the guards noticed our predicament, they started taunting us.
"Looks like you two have no choice but to surrender!" A guard while laughing.
"Good luck fighting that thing!"
"I'm going to be so rich…"
You bastards!
"Assistant-kun, let's test our luck and escape in one of the rooms." Chris leaned in towards me and whispered.
"They're planning to run into one of the rooms!" A guard, who knew what Chris said, exposed her plan to everyone else.
"Oh, that's fine. Those rooms don't lead into another corridor, so they'll be trapped either way."
All the guards started laughing at our plan, which had already failed before it began.
Come on, Kazuma! Think! What are their weaknesses?!
Wait.
I reached for my bag and started digging through it, causing the guards to flinch a bit and tighten their combat stances.
After what seemed to be several moments, I finally found the item I was looking for: a cylinder with a pin attached at the top.
It was a prototype smoke bomb. It was supposed to be a revenge item for Megumin, like the letter addressed to Darkness's father that Chris burned. The idea was to hide it somewhere inside her staff and trick her into thinking something was wrong with it. If I ever needed to, I could sell the patent rights to Vanir as well.
But now this world's first smoke bomb was about to see its first use.
I pulled the pin and tossed it aside. After a few seconds, smoke came out of the cylinder. I waved the cylinder around to cover a larger area with smoke before dropping it.
"Now's the time, Boss!"
"You're a genius, Assistant-kun!" Chris smiled.
Then we started coughing from the smoke. Well, I didn't think that through.
As I set out towards the horde of guards, I felt a pull backwards on my shirt.
"Wait, I think we should go into this room."
"You heard what they said! All the rooms are a dead end!" I immediately went into a coughing fit due to all the smoke.
"I know, but I'm sensing something in this room."
Before I could stop her, she had already gone inside. I had no choice but to follow her before the smoke got really bad.
I locked the door behind me and examined the room.
But there wasn't much to examine at all. It was just a boring conference room.
Chris was sniffing around the walls.
"Can we hurry up?! The smoke is gonna stop soon, and we'll be trapped again!"
Chris ignored me and continued looking for another few moments before she stopped and looked at me.
I could hear the banging of the door behind me, with the guards shouting for us.
"What the hell, Boss?! We could've escaped, but now we're trapped here!"
Chris sank down to her knees and looked down in despair. "I'm sorry! I'm sorry for dragging you into trouble, Kazuma!"
We were in too dangerous a situation for me to pay much attention to her.
Chris started sobbing. "Let's just surrender… When you die, I'll reincarnate you into the best life you could possibly live…!"
So it has come down to that, huh? I can't say that's a tempting offer.
I could hear the door breaking down behind us. While I was looking at the door, Chris suddenly stood up and started sniffing again. This time, she was glued to a spot on the back wall.
Meanwhile, I shouted something at the guards. "We surrender! We surrender!"
The commotion outside quieted down significantly.
I approached the door and put my hand on the doorknob, ready to unlock it.
"Assistant-kun!" Chris called for my attention.
I turned around, and Chris was gone. Instead, there was an entrance to some stairs leading downstairs.
… Huh? A secret entrance? Is that what Chris was looking for?
I took one last look at the door and ran down the stairs. Just as I made it past the entrance, I saw Chris standing there, facing the entrance.
"Wire Trap! Wire Trap!" Chris double-sealed the entrance with two sets of steel wires and ran downstairs again.
When I arrived at the bottom of the stairs, I saw Chris in a combat stance while holding her enchanted dagger.
I saw Alderp asleep on a couch while wearing some kind of goggles.
And in front of us was a young man lying on the floor, covering his head.