Hello, wonderful readers! Well, a lot has happened since my last chapter. I bought a house and went to my first SPN con! The con was the most amazing experience and even though it was a month ago, I'm still fangirling from not only getting my picture with Jared and Jensen but also getting to speak with them. AAAHHH!

HUGE shout out to Emma Winchester 424 for co-writing this chapter. Without her brilliance and kindness, this wouldn't be possible. Be sure to check out her daughter-fic ASAP if you haven't already. It will blow you away.

I want to say how amazing all of you are. Although I don't post regularly by any means, I appreciate that you all stick with me and encourage me to keep going. Kate still has many stories to be told (says the eight unfinished chapters on my desktop, haha!).

This is a two-part story, and as a warning, you're going to need a kleenex by the end.

NOTE: This chapter was originally published in July 2019 and was re-posted in July 2023 with some conversation editing to make it even more awesome and better :) It's one of my top favorite chapters now.

Dean - 32

Kate – 24

It had been a month. A very long and hard month full of tears and unquantifiable amounts of alcohol. A month since Sam had been lost into the oblivion that was the cage. Kate and Dean had both been coping in their own way. Dean chose to dive into the apple pie life with Lisa and Ben, because that was what Sam had wanted for him. His brother was gone and he couldn't bear to come to grips with it, so he blindly followed the plan that had been Sam's dying wish. Dean had to stay busy – had to keep pushing forward. Because if he gave himself time to pause, he would be forced to deal with everything that he was burying deep inside.

It was easy for anyone to see that Kate hadn't adjusted so easily. She'd lost her father, Dean, and Sam once already…now she was forced to live it all over again. Only this time, she knew losing Sam was permanent. There was no deal to make or prayer to be answered. Half of her was forever gone and the pain was crippling.

Unmotivated, exhausted, irritable, anxious, you name it, she felt it. She had been so overcome with grief after it happened that she blindly followed Dean. It had never been her plan to move in with Dean's girlfriend, but she didn't have a choice in the matter. And in all honesty, she had no willpower left in her to even fight him on it. But now that she'd been in this situation for a month, it didn't feel right. Nothing about it felt right, and she knew that she had to escape. Fleeing this world around her was the only play left in her book. The walls were suffocating and her grief only seemed to intensify with each passing day.

She spent most of her days tucked away in the spare room upstairs that Lisa was kind enough to give her. Their paths crossed daily, and Lisa tried to get to know her, but Kate wasn't interested. She didn't have anything against Lisa – she just wasn't in the market for a new friend. Her best friend was gone and getting out of bed was a large task for her at the moment, much less trying to uphold a meaningful conversation. Then there was Ben…he was, well, there. If she ever got past this dark moment, she would start to realize the fun they could have together, her first shot at being a big sister. But that was a far trail from where she was now.

If she wasn't nursing a six pack or downing a bottle of wine she'd swiped from the cabinet downstairs, she was staring aimlessly out the window into the fenced backyard. She'd hear the birds chirp throughout the day, and it infuriated her. Those bastards acting all sing-song happy, like her brother hadn't just sacrificed himself to save the planet. If Dean hadn't taken her gun away shortly after they moved in, the temptation to shoot those bastards would have been too strong. She rarely left her room, let alone the house itself, unless it was to refill booze or ice cream…or to take a trip to ease her crippling anxiety.

For a while, Dean had decided to let Kate be, but after a week of her taking all her meals in her room, he began forcing her to eat dinner with them at the table. He had to try and maintain her grip with reality while also ensuring that she actually ate at least one meal a day. He wasn't going to let her down like he had after their father had died.

After a month, they'd settled into a type of routine on this evening in June. Dean, Lisa, and Kate were sitting at the table, finishing the spaghetti Lisa had prepared. An awkward silence suffocated the room before Dean let out a fake cough and Kate immediately knew why. Dean had asked Kate to actually speak at dinner, hoping to pull her out of her grieving shell. While Kate hadn't been herself this last month, her mind was constantly elsewhere and her anti-social side was on full display as she tried to pick up the broken pieces of her life.

Dean saw Kate stalling as she twirled her food, and he coughed again. Kate turned to him, clearly annoyed now. She deadpanned, "You want me to get you some water?" She raised her eyebrows as if to ask if he was pleased that she spoke.

Dean shot her an annoyed look. "I've got some, thanks." He took a big gulp of water while giving her a side glare. It was the one meal a day that he got to spend with his little sister, and he always kept a rather close eye on her, much to her displeasure. Her track record of dealing with death didn't really leave him with any other option.

"So. What did you do today?" he prompted. He was going to pull some damn words out of her if it was the last thing he did tonight.

Kate shrugged as she continued to absentmindedly cut her spaghetti with a fork. "Not much. You?" It wasn't a lie—she'd literally done nothing all day except go to the same place she'd always visited on days like this, days when her anxiety became almost debilitating and the voices in her head wouldn't stop.

He ignored the question and took a big bite of spaghetti. "Did you check out those classes today?" he pressed, still trying to keep the idea fresh in her mind. Sam would have wanted her to go back to school. He would have wanted her to pursue nursing…find her apple pie life. Dean had to do right by Sam. So, he'd continue encouraging her to get back out into the world. He couldn't lose her to the darkness that loomed over her daily. He couldn't live with himself if that happened.

She shrugged, "No, didn't have time." She continued to push her food around aimlessly.

There was a beat of silence as a wave of tension flowed between the two Winchesters. Wanting to be helpful to the cause, Lisa spoke with tenderness, "I saw that you went for a bike ride today. That must have been nice."

Kate subtly shifted uncomfortably in her chair as her eyes abruptly looked down at her food. The reaction went unnoticed by Lisa, but Dean knew this kid better than he knew himself – that comment triggered something and he wasn't sure what. Did she ride into town to check out the university and was nervous because she had lied? What did she go do? He knew damn well that she didn't just take a leisurely bike ride—no fucking way. So, what was it? He had to find out.

"A bike ride, huh?" Dean nudged, acting excited for her sake. When Kate didn't offer up any details, he continued to pry, "You go buy something?" She shook her head, still keeping her gaze on the food. Dean's eyes narrowed. "You go see someone?" And he added a little more softly with clear sternness, "go see something?"

Kate's movement of pushing her spaghetti around the plate immediately froze. She knew damn well what he was trying to imply – had she met someone he didn't know about yet, was she going off the deep end, was she searching for ways to bring Sam back when they'd sworn they wouldn't. The questions seemed simple to an outsider like Lisa, but there were so many layers underneath it that only the siblings shared.

When Kate didn't reply, Dean's jaw set firmly and he commanded in a low tone that demanded a reply, "I asked you a question."

She may be 24, but Dean still knew how to get her to listen – it was like a reflex engrained in her over the years. She slowly lifted her gaze and was met with his determined one. "No, Dean, I didn't. It was just a stupid bike ride to see this stupid town, okay?"

Dean was equal parts satisfied that she hadn't succumbed to the deep end and royally pissed at her brashness. Lisa shifted a bit uncomfortably, unsure how to react with Kate sometimes. Her moods were validated—the girl had been through a lot—but that didn't make it any easier for Lisa either in moments like these.

There was a part of Dean that wanted to lean across the table and smack Kate upside her head, but he didn't. Instead he stretched his foot underneath the table and smashed her toes with purpose. He didn't want to make a scene in front of Lisa, but it was a clear warning sign for Kate to know she was pushing her limits once again. Kate's foot recoiled and she shifted in her seat. She was well aware that Dean still could beat her down a peg or two if he really wanted, so she knew she had to pull it together, even if it was momentarily. Not because she wanted to but because she'd rather not get berated in front of Lisa.

Dean grabbed Lisa's hand resting underneath the table and gave it an affectionate squeeze as if to silently apologize for what an ass his sister was being. Lisa returned the gesture with a small smile to let him know it was okay. Then he turned back to his sister, eyes narrowed. "Isn't this spaghetti great?" It was his way of saying I better see you take a bite in the next thirty seconds.

Kate forced a smile before slightly glaring at Dean. She roughly shoved her fork into the spaghetti and took half a full bite, chewing slowly for his sake. "It's delicious," she said as genuinely as she could to not be a full ass to Lisa.

Lisa totally missed the exchange and smiled back, "Thank you both."

He ate another bite, then tried for more small talk. "So, we started on a new build today."

Kate took a deep breath with audible annoyance and asked with fake interest, "What are you building?" The question had been pointless, because she already knew the answer.

"No, we started a remodel of this store-front-thing downtown. Apparently, we're converting it from a former pet store to a high-end fashion something or other crap."

The rest of dinner was filled with small talk between Lisa and Dean as Kate remained silent, pushing her food around on her plate, taking the occasional bite when she felt Dean's heavy glare on her. Lisa finished off her plate first and excused herself to go pick up Ben from Boy Scouts.

Once she was gone, Dean's eyes swung back to Kate. He knew that he was a little hard on her and he was beginning to regret it, so he tried to think like Sam would have. He took a deep breath to summon any patience left in his body and looked at her plate. "Not hungry?" he asked very casually, not trying to push her.

She just continued to stare at her plate, "Not really hungry these days." She pushed the food around again before sighing and forcing herself to take another bite, knowing Dean was going to stare at her until she did. This wasn't her first rodeo.

For all of his previous annoyance at her, Dean's heart suddenly twisted in his chest. He knew exactly what she meant, but that didn't mean he'd let her go all self-destructive mode again. "Yeah, I know, Kate." He did say this with genuine kindness- as much as he was capable of. "Come on. Just eat a little bit more, okay?" He didn't realize he sounded like a parent trying to coax a toddler to try broccoli.

But Kate didn't miss that tone. "I'm not a kid, Dean, so please stop treating me like one." Her voice was flat, void of emotion as she continued to shove the spaghetti around, resting her head on her palm. "I don't need you hovering all the time."

Dean clenched his jaw. "Right." About as good of an apology as one could expect from Dean Winchester. He didn't miss her vacant voice and the playing with the food. He just didn't know what to say at all these days. He was worried he'd push her over the edge, but at the same time he was worried that if he didn't push her, she'd fling herself over the edge. However, something was off today. She'd been moody and agitated almost every day, but there was just something distinct about her attitude today, and it was starting to set off some alarms for him, so he tried a different approach. "Do you want to go for a bike ride this evening? You could show me the route you took today." This damn mysterious bike ride was what set off his first red alarm today.

"Why are you so obsessed with a fucking bike ride?"

He paused almost as if waiting for someone else to speak – someone else to chime in and tell her to watch her language. But that had been Sam's job in recent years as more of a mocking joke than anything, and he wasn't here to do that anymore. His throat threatened to tighten up, but with an almighty cough, he cleared it away. "Because it's not like you to take bike rides, Katie," he stated as calmly as possible, hoping her childhood nickname would soften her rough exterior right now.

"Well maybe this is the new me then, huh?" she retorted, clearly still guarded.

Dean ran his tongue along his teeth, carefully choosing his next words. "Do I need to search your room?" Kate tilted her head as her brow furrowed, completely taken aback by the question. "If I search your room, am I going to find something that shouldn't be there?"

Cue an aggressive eye roll. "What like drugs? Or some satanic deep underworld book to help me break him out? The fact that you think I'm that weak is infuriating." When she said "weak," Dean immediately tried to cut her off to defend that he wasn't implying that at all, but Kate cut him off before he could get started. "Go ahead – search it all. All my shit is still in my duffle, so it shouldn't take you long." She leaned back in the chair and folded her arms.

Maybe he was reading this all wrong. Had his instincts been skewed with all his unprocessed grief? Had he really interpreted this situation that wrong? He hadn't meant to cause this outburst, and he regretted pressing her so hard about it. "I never said you were weak." When she didn't acknowledge his comment, he continued, "It's just…bike riding isn't your thing. At least it's never been, but hell, we've never lived in a place long enough for you to have your own bike, so if bike riding is your new thing, I'm on board and let's do it."

The sudden show of support for something that absolutely wasn't her new thing was refreshing and unexpected. "You? A bike ride?" Kate couldn't hold back the chuckle that escaped her lips. "I think you're probably too out of shape by now." The suggestion he'd made felt so out of place, but yet the brief moment of sibling teasing brought back a flicker of what her life had once been.

When Dean heard the chuckle, the tightness in his chest momentarily disappeared. Like a weight had been lifted for the briefest of seconds before he was met with the heavy reality again. God, how he had missed hearing the banter rather than weighted sarcasm. And he would do just about anything to hear it again, so he chuckled himself. "Well I ain't seen you running any marathons lately."

She smirked as if to say touché. A blanket of comfortable silence fell over them as she tapped her index finger on the table a few times, her mind swirling with thoughts. She knew that she needed to talk to Dean about something more serious tonight to get it off her chest. Doing it in the house wasn't an option as she didn't want to risk Lisa and Ben showing up mid-conversation, considering she had no idea what type of turn it would take.

Without giving it another thought, she declared, "Let's go for a drink."

He was taken off guard momentarily by the abrupt suggestion. "You know what?" He thought about it for a second, but he already knew his answer. "Hell yes. Let's go." He would have said yes to just about any idea she proposed if it meant he could get her out of the house and integrated into the real world for a while. The fact that she had chosen a place with endless liquor was icing on the cake.

Kate felt a mixture of shock and relief that he agreed so easily, no convincing necessary. She needed to be somewhere familiar, as strange as that sounded. And the Impala was on lockdown in the garage, so a bar was the next best thing since there was no way he'd let her stay in a run-down motel room.

The youngest Winchester headed into the kitchen with her plate, and it wasn't hard to miss the protective eldest eying her, noting the quantity of food left. Given the brief change in mood and direction of the evening, he chose not to press further. As Kate stored her half-eaten plate in the fridge, she asked with forced casualness, "Is Lisa going to be okay with this?" Because whether Dean realized it or not, this was one of the first times they were going out alone since it happened. And Kate wasn't sure how Lisa would react. Dean being in a serious monogamous relationship was all uncharted territory.

He shifted uncomfortably. "All good, she'll be busy with Ben tonight. You know, homework and all. Guess you're stuck with me." He knew that the subject of...what happened...may come up, and he'd rather Lisa not be around for that. He'd tried to shield her from as much of the truth as possible. The bottom line was that Sam was gone. The details were irrelevant because they didn't change the fact that he'd lost his only brother.

Kate threw on a pair of jeans, sandals, and a black fitted tee. Her shoulder length wavy hair had mostly air dried by the time she came downstairs. She sighed as she slumped on the couch, annoyed that Dean was taking longer than her, so she pulled out her phone absentmindedly, ready to complain to someone about him. But she stopped. Who was there to complain to? There was no Sam to text. No one left. She stared at her phone, pressure building behind her eyes as her throat closed up. Unable to handle the emotional powerhouse, she launched her phone across the room onto the other lounging chair just as Dean walked down the steps.

Dean jumped back in surprise as he saw the phone go flying. His eyes went wide. "What the hell did that phone ever do to you?"

Her back tensed and she bit her bottom lip hard, her usual tactic to push the tears down. After a deep breath, she'd managed to push them down as far as they would go and she relaxed slightly, shrugging her shoulders and not turning around. "Lost at Candy Crush again," she commented.

"Candy crush?" he questioned with a little disbelief.

"Yes, Dean. Candy Crush. It's a game."

"A game. Right." He knew she was lying through her teeth, but he also knew that she was going through hell right now, just like him. She had her reasons for throwing stuff- he'd let her be as long as it wasn't hurting anybody. "Got any place in mind?"

"You know this town better than I do." She headed for the backdoor that led to the garage.

"Okay, fine. Let's go to The Rabbit Hole. You been there?" He snatched his keys and followed her.

She paused, so she could turn and stare at him like he was a freaking idiot. What part of her never leaving the house didn't register for him? She only knew very specific parts of this town, and unfortunately none of them had to do with alcohol. She did all her drinking out back or hidden in her room at night. Why go to a bar? "No, Dean. Never been there."

He knew that she rarely went anywhere, except for the apparent bike ride now, but it suddenly hit him hard at just how much she'd been holed up here. And that scared the shit out of him. But in typical Winchester fashion, he shoved it down, determined to make things right. "Well, you'll love it. Strobe lights, strippers, the works." He bobbed his eyebrows playfully, just to see if he could get a rise out of her like the old times.

She sighed in annoyance at his antics and gave an eye roll that rivaled her teenage years. "You're practically married now, man. So that means no more strippers." She made it into the garage and over to his pick-up truck.

Dean froze for a second at the word "married" before he closed the door, but then kept right on going. "Yeah, yeah. Married. With my own live in slacker," he playfully retorted as he hopped into the driver's seat.

Slacker hit her harder than she was willing to admit, even though Dean meant nothing by it. However, it was just the kind of food her brain thrived from hearing – food that gave way to the dark thoughts that overcame her more frequently these days.

When he saw her reaction, Dean gritted his teeth, angry at himself. Why couldn't he think before crap came out of his mouth? He tried to smooth things over. "Hey- I was just messing with you. I know it's been rough." That wasn't even the half of it for either one of them, but that was as much as he'd say right now. He put his hand on her shoulder and gave it a little affectionate squeeze. "Come on. First round's on me."

She soaked up the rare affectionate moment, not realizing how much she'd been craving it, but it was over as quickly as it had come. She joked back with a slight laugh, "All rounds are on you. My retirement fund hasn't kicked in yet."

Dean made a slight scoffing noise, but his heart soared when she laughed- even if it was just a little one. "Yeah, yeah. Let's get a move on." The truck roared to life, but before he put it into gear, he sent Lisa a quick text to let her know he was going out with Kate and they'd be back later.

They started making their way through the housing complex and out onto the main road. Dean's phone rested in the cupholder between them, and it suddenly dinged, lighting up the cabin. Dean went to grab it but Kate smacked his hand away. "No phone and driving," she mocked words that he'd used over and over on her before grabbing his phone. The text message from Lisa was on full display to see.

That's great! I'm glad you're finally able to get her out. Maybe you can help get her mind in a better place.

Kate quickly shut the phone. What? Was Dean talking about her to Lisa now? The thought of them sitting around, talking about what a messed up psycho she was lately made her insides boil from anger and embarrassment at once. And it stung. Hard. She quickly pushed the emotion aside and replied facing forward, "Lisa says to have fun."

"Uh-huh," he replied as he grabbed the phone, shoving her hands away with the back of his. He read the text quickly. Shit. He stole a glance over to Kate to see how she was reacting.

Kate continued staring straight ahead, keeping her face stoic because she knew Dean was trying to analyze her right now. She couldn't decide which was hitting her harder...the fact that Dean talked about her to some stranger or that they thought she was in a bad place. "So I'm in a bad place, huh?" she asked, but honestly she knew it was a rhetorical question.

Dean was surprised that she'd talked, but he jumped right on the bandwagon, taking the opportunity to talk about something they've avoided for a while now. "Well, you ain't exactly been yourself lately, midget."

She snorted sarcastically. "Well I could say the same thing about you." Her gaze was still locked straight ahead.

"Fair enough." He hesitated, not knowing which way to step. He finally decided to go silent. Once he got a few drinks into his little sister, he knew she'd spill her guts; that was how she'd always been. If he pushed her now, he wouldn't put it past her to tuck and roll out of the car.

They pulled up to The Rabbit Hole, and Dean parked. He turned to Kate, a very happy grin on his face. "Alright. Ready to go to Wonderland?"

She just nodded at his over eager grin and got out of the truck, walking toward the door. Pushing down her feelings from before, she threw over her shoulder, "Hurry up old man."

"Old man?!" He gave her a playful shove forward. "I'll show you old man." He pulled the bar door open and made a point to close it quickly behind him, essentially shutting her outside.

Oh? So he was going to pull this childish bullshit with her tonight? Well, time for a taste of his own medicine. Without giving it a second thought, she quickly moved to the side of the building, hiding out of sight as she waited for Dean to come back out-because she knew he would after 5 seconds of her not following him inside. One, two, three, four, five…

Dean whipped the door back open as if on cue. "Kate?"

Kate didn't make a sound.

"Kate. Get your ass out here, now." It was the same tone she'd heard a million times – authoritative with a hint of worry. But the additional fear in it didn't go unnoticed by her this time. "Kate! This isn't funny. Where are you?" When he didn't receive a response, he growled under his breath, "Son of a bitch." He went stalking around the side of the building looking for her.

Her hunter's ear was still finely tuned and could judge his steps and distance from her. At the exact right moment when he was rounding the corner, she stepped out quickly and gripped onto his upper arms.

At the sudden movement and touch, he had an instinctive urge to tackle her to the ground. But then Dean came to his senses, realizing that it was only his sister. He smacked her hands off him. "What the hell, Kate? I coulda killed you!"

She rolled her eyes. "Yeah, you're a little rusty for that, Construction Dad," she retorted as she began to step around him to head toward the door.

However, in response to that, Dean reversed his previous decision. In one lightning quick move, Kate was flat on her back in the parking lot, with Dean on top of her, pinning her down with his classic smirk.

It took her a moment to process, but she didn't waste any time struggling against his hold, starting to get extremely frustrated that he was so much stronger. Finally, she reached up and punched him in the pecs as hard as she could. "Get off!"

"Ow!" he hollered, but he didn't let her up. "First, take it back. I'm not a Construction Dad. Take it back!"

She struggled against him. "You scolded Ben for talking with his mouth full at dinner last night and you freaking went to build shit today. Construction. Dad." She tried to break out from under him.

As that realization hit Dean, he backed off, getting up off his sister, but the comment was still so fresh and raw in his mind. He shook his head then realized she was still on the ground. He reached down and effortlessly yanked her back up. Without looking at her, he said, "C'mon." He walked to the door and held it open for her this time.

Kate stood up and smoothed out her shirt, feeling a bit of her pride being left on the ground at getting tackled so easily. As she was walking through the door, she paused for a second and asked over her shoulder after seeing his change in demeanor, "What's your problem?"

"Nothing." It was said reflexively, instantly, so it wasn't hard to tell it was a lie. Dean walked over to two empty seats at the bar, knocked on the wood twice to get the bartender's attention. He looked over her shoulder. "What are you drinking?"

Kate shrugged her shoulders, honestly not sure she had the willpower to care what was wrong with her brother right now. "Whatever you're drinking."

He commented to the bartender, "Two whisky neats." It didn't take long for the drinks to appear in front of them. Dean held his glass up to Kate in salute and downed the shot in one gulp. After a low growl, he looked at the bartender with determination. "Keep 'em coming."

Kate sipped her whisky a few times. The taste wasn't as familiar as it was for her brother. By the time he'd downed the second one, she was halfway through her first. The fact that he was throwing whiskies back this fast didn't go unnoticed. Her mind was racing, unable to find the right words to start the conversation she had planned on having with him tonight. Given his sudden mood swing, she wasn't even sure she should do it, but it was really now or never, so she had to forge ahead. Playing with the glass on the bar in front of her, she asked without looking at Dean, but her voice was raw and genuine. "How do you do it?"

He wouldn't look at her. "Drink whisky? Easy." He downed another glass before slamming it on the bar.

She sighed, hoping that he would have just understood what she'd meant instead of forcing her to say it. "No. How do you…live?"