Hello again! I realized the last chapter was #50! Wow, you guys are freaking amazing for sticking with me and encouraging me through 50 chapters. I still can't believe it!
Shout out to Emma Winchester 424 for both co-writing this and helping edit it afterward. She's amazing!
I'd love to hear your thoughts on this two-part emotional story. I definitely need to write some fluff after this one, haha. Suggestions are welcome!
Ready, review, but most importantly, ENJOY!
NOTE: This chapter was originally published in July 2019 and was re-posted in July 2023 with some conversation editing to make it even more awesome and better :) It's one of my top favorite chapters now.
She sighed, hoping that he would have just understood what she'd meant instead of forcing her to say it. "No. How do you…live?"
He rolled his jaw around for a second. "I don't." He knocked on the bar again, ordering another whisky.
She mimicked his gesture knocking on the table to get the bartender's attention and ordered a draft beer. "That's not true," she accused. Because Dean was living. He had a job. An almost wife and kid. A new truck. He was happy, at least smiling every day. He was living and she hated seeing it every day because she found no reason to smile in this life, no reason to move forward or find motivation.
"Kate- I'm just going through the motions. I don't...I don't know...how to function. I just know how to fake it." He threw the rest of his drink in his mouth like it was water.
His words flew around her mind over and over as she processed them. Finally, she rested her glass on the counter and turned to him. "You know you don't have to fake it with me." Her eyes stared at him, analyzing his reaction.
He still couldn't bring himself to meet her eyes. "You…you're the reason I fake it. I want you to try to get back to normal life. You have the best shot out of..." He was about to say "out of the three of us." He stumbled over his words. "...the best shot between the two of us."
Kate's eyes diverted back to her glass as a wave of tears pricked her eyes. She chugged about half the beer before she let herself come up for air. "I...I don't think I can do it, Dean. I have no life to get back to. I lost it. Lost everything we had and everything I've known. I lost HIM. And I don't think I can move forward here."
He knotted his hands together on top of the bar. "I know, kid. I did too." He knocked on the bar again to request a refill. "But Kate- you gotta try. You gotta find something. Your story isn't over yet."
Dean's steady stream of whisky was raising a red flag for the youngest. She mentally made a note to swipe the keys before they left. "And who says your story is over? You have a family. And actual family. You have someone to bitch to about me. When you were taking for-fucking-ever, I wanted to complain to someone and I…" Almost texted Sam...but she couldn't voice the words. "I don't have anyone else."
He sensed Sam's name in her unspoken words, and his heart burned inside of him, reigniting the hollow ache that had been there for the past month. He turned to her. "Hold up. You are my actual family. Kate- you're all I have left. Lisa- Ben- they're great, don't get me wrong. But it's always been us Winchesters together, against the world. Since when does that change?" He took a deep breath, forcing himself to say the words that he had not been able to say. He knew he had to get them out- for his baby sister's sake. "Look- Sam is gone. And I know that's eating both of us alive. But Kate- if you think for one second that means that I'm letting go of you, then you got another thing coming." He downed half of his next drink.
She took a moment to let the words sink in and they hit her hard. Like touched her soul and it increased the longing for things to be like they were before-when it really was just the both of them. The days that turned into years after Sam disappeared to college – it had been just Dean and Kate. Hell, she'd given up going off to college herself because she decided to stay with Dean, with her family. But this time it was different – everything around her was foreign. They weren't traveling the country, saving people, hunting things. The family business was dead, and suddenly she didn't recognize the girl in the mirror.
"I know you'll always be there for me, Dean. I know." She took a deep breath, knowing the time was coming for her to spill it. "But I don't know if I can do this. Live with Ben and Lisa, the whole nine yards of white picket fences. We moved here the day after S–... after it happened. I just, I need time." She took a deep breath. "Don't you?"
Dean looked down at the glass between his hands. He rolled it between his palms for a while, not answering. When he finally did answer, it was so low that it was barely audible. "I can't take time." He added even lower, "I'm scared to take time."
When the word 'scared' came out of his mouth, she didn't even know what to think for a moment. That word had never been in her big brother's vocabulary and it frightened her now that she had heard it. She took a moment before replying with the softness of a child asking a question. "Why are you scared?"
He ran his tongue along the bottom row of his teeth before answering. He still couldn't bring himself to look at her. "Because if I take time, then it will hit me. There's no way around that. It will hit me that S...that he's gone. And I'm not ready for that. I'll never be ready for that. So I fake it. I pretend that life is normal, just hoping that I can fool myself." As if to burn away those last words, he finished off his drink, banging his glass onto the bar hard, hoping the sound would also diminish the truth in his words. He closed his eyes for a minute. "But it's not too late for you. You could still come out of this okay."
She turned to face him as his words cut her deep...it was the first real confession she'd heard from him in a very long time and a part of her was selfishly relieved that he wasn't coping well either, but his last words didn't sit well with her. "Seriously? Come out of this okay? When has that ever happened? I've been down this road before...multiple times. And I don't...I don't come out okay." Because she'd lost Sam and her father…and even her eldest brother before. This wasn't her first time going down the dark abyss.
"You will. I won't let you fall."
"But what if I want to fall? Giving up, finding some escape, that is much easier, you know." She held up her hand to stop what was about to come out of his mouth. "And don't give me that bullshit about how Winchesters never give up. Because I don't freaking care anymore."
Dean's eyes widened in surprise. "What do you mean, you don't care?"
"I don't care about anything Dean. I don't care to get a job or go to school. I can't find the energy to care about what comes next. I don't get how you have the energy to give a shit." She called over the bartender quickly and asked for a refill of her beer. She knew that she needed to stay away from the hard stuff if she was going to get Dean home okay. He had been hitting the whisky harder than she'd seen him do in a long time - at least in front of her.
"Because I care about you, alright? That's how I find the energy to care." He knocked on the bar again.
"I care about you, too. More than you know, Dean. But I just don't give a shit about myself." She turned to him. "I'm sure you can relate." Because she knew her brother—she knew he didn't give two shits about himself as he was the poster boy for self-loathing. He never had. It was always Katie and Sammy in front of himself.
"You're right. I do know what it's like to not give a shit about yourself. Which is exactly why you need to start giving a shit about yourself." He took the drink from the bartender. The glass didn't even touch the bar before it was already emptied.
She watched him down the glass without a second thought and it started to trigger the warning bells in the back of her mind. "You want to slow it down a little?"
"You going to start giving a shit about yourself?" He gave her the side eye.
"I don't make promises I can't keep."
He turned and looked straight at her for the first time. "And neither do I." He tapped the bar again to get a refill.
There was a long pause between the two of them. She looked away and reached down the bar to grab a small bowl of peanuts, putting it between the two of them to fill the time as they both regrouped mentally from this draining conversation. They were having quite a breakthrough confessional but at the same time it wasn't going anywhere.
After a while, she decided to just bite the bullet and get this over with before this conversation got any worse than it already was. "Hey Dean?" It was the same question she'd asked over and over, especially when she was younger and wanted to share something with him. It was a phrase that always let him know that there was no way to anticipate what was coming next.
He couldn't help but grin at the familiarity. "Yes, Kate?"
"I think I need to go." She exhaled heavily, thankful to get the words across her lips.
His face was a perfectly blank mask. "Go where?"
She took a slow sip of her beer, getting enough liquid courage to reply. "Away from here."
His face didn't change. "Where would you go."
Her eyes aimlessly scanned the drinks lining the back of the bar. "I don't know. Anywhere but here." She couldn't meet his eyes because she had no idea how he was going to react. She knew that he wanted them to stay together, but she didn't think she could do that. She needed to grieve, to get lost, to find herself again…and it wasn't going to happen in a random town in Indiana.
Dean didn't move. He was gripping the glass between his hands so tightly, his knuckles were threatening to burst through his skin. "When do you want to leave." None of his questions were in the form of a question. They were coming out in blank statements as he slowly felt the emptiness inside him growing.
"I'm not sure. Soon? I haven't thought out the entire plan yet...I just know that being here, it's just, it's not helping." She finally turned and searched his face for any clues of reassurance that he'd be okay with this.
However, his face was completely impassive, but his brain was going ninety miles a minute. Finally, after about a full minute of him not moving a muscle, he knocked back the rest of his drink. "Okay. We leave tomorrow morning."
That was the last thing she was expecting. She reached out and touched his forearm gently. "Dean, I'm not asking you to come with me."
"Too bad." He caught the bartender's eye and signaled for the check. "I'm going to have to sleep this off, but then we leave first thing in the morning."
Her heart started to race. This wasn't going as planned. Her party of one trip just turned into a double. She signaled the bartender to forget his request...no check yet. "Dean, wait, no." She couldn't get the words out properly. "You stay here-with Lisa and Ben. I just, need to take some time to myself."
He stared at her for a second, pissed that she canceled the check. "Not gonna happen. You can have your own motel room- I'll give you that. But that's it, you hear me? You ain't going alone."
She motioned for the bartender to bring him another whisky, hoping for some reason that another one would calm him. "Dean, your place is HERE. I don't belong here. Lisa and Ben aren't mine...there's nothing here for me. I need a break. A break far away from everything, you understand, don't you?"
"So we'll go to freaking Alaska." His eyes narrowed as the bartender set another whisky down in front of him.
"What part of alone aren't you understanding?" There was an underlying tone of frustration mounting in her voice.
His eyes narrowed even further. He pointed a finger in her face. "You're not going anywhere alone, Katelyn. End of discussion." He signaled to the bartender again for the check, refusing to acknowledge the full tumbler of whisky in front of him.
She was taken back by his commanding, authoritative tone – she was well aware of the no-nonsense message he was spewing, and maybe two months ago, it would have been enough for her to back down at that moment. But this time, she didn't give herself any other choice but to forge ahead. She grabbed onto his arm, trying to plead with him and throwing in his nickname to see if she could thaw out his hardened demeanor, "De, come on. I just need some time to process, and I can't get that staying at Lisa's." She took a deep breath. "When you...you died, I went off on my own. He let me. Why can't you?" Sam and Kate had drifted apart after Dean went to hell, each choosing to grieve and process in their own way. Kate went off on her own, needing her space, before she ended up at Bobby's until Dean came back. And boy, Dean wasn't happy when he found out they'd separated. For a while, he had blamed the estrangement as the reason for Sam's slippery slope – adamant that if they had stayed together, he wouldn't have found the dark path.
"Yeah, because separating went so well for the both of you," he jabbed. "We stay together. That's what family does, Kate." He withdrew a couple bills from his wallet and slammed them down on the bar, clearly impatient for the check.
She quickly saw his growing impatience. "Will you just consider it for a minute and hear me out!?" When he gave her the side eye, she sighed. "Dean, you have to let me go. And I am going." There was a sheer look of determination on her face before she added with hints of defiance to make sure it was clear, "You can't stop me."
The alcohol coursing through his veins was pumping hard by now, sending his temper easily over the edge. He turned his body fully towards her. "The hell I can't," he growled. "What part of 'family' isn't coming out in English, Kate?! Why can't you get it through your head that we stick together, huh?!" His voice grew louder and drew the attention of nearby patrons.
As in a true Winchester showdown, she made her tone match his. "Yeah, well sometimes families need a break. If the Spice Girls and The Who can take a fucking break and reunite, I'm sure we can do the same. So I need you to accept it, Dean. Accept. It," she finished as she poked him in the chest with the final two words. Although anger laced her words, there was fear in her eyes – fear that he wouldn't do just that – accept it – and she would be forced to make a much harder decision.
"Are you really comparing this to a goddamn pop group?" he growled in annoyance. His jaw set firmly and he looked her dead in the eye with fury – his jaw barely moving as he seethed, "You're not going anywhere without me. Don't make me repeat myself again, little girl."
His use of "little girl" sparked the last fuse inside her, and she was instantly on her feet, inches from his face. "I'm twenty fucking four years old – I don't need to ask your permission and I most certainly don't need you around to protect me. You got yourself a new family that you can protect and try to control. Lisa? She's practically your wife whether you want to admit it or not. And Ben? He's your fucking kid and we all know it. That's your new family. And it's okay. You're allowed to have more than one. And you know what? S—." She took a deep breath and summoned whatever strength she still had buried down deep inside. "Sam was right. You're better off with them. They are your new family. And me? I'm going off the grid ALONE to figure my shit out." Her eyes narrowed as she repeated his infamous phrase, "End of discussion."
Dean just stared at her. The combination of her words and the whisky was too much for him. He seized the glass, heaved it at the back wall, where it exploded in a shower of glass shards and alcohol. He then stormed outside, ignoring the bartender and every other patron who was yelling at him.
Kate stared in complete shock at what just happened. She didn't move for the longest time until finally she could feel everyone's eyes on her. She quickly placed a crumbled-up bill on the counter to cover the glass and apologized profusely as she was out the door. It didn't take long for her to spot Dean stumbling through the parking lot. She jogged to catch up and went around in front of him, holding her arms up to stop him from continuing. "What the hell, Dean?!"
He didn't even look at her. He shoved her arms to the side and kept walking right past her, never turning around. The alcohol he'd consumed in a short time was taking over his body and mind, mixed with the raw emotional state he was still in. He was no longer in control. "You want to go? Go. Don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out."
It felt like her feet were stuck in cement. She didn't know which way to turn at this point – part of her wanted to take off running to make this all stop but the other part of her knew that she couldn't leave Dean like this. She had known things might get dicey between them when she brought this up, but nothing like this. The one person left in her life was livid at her, and it was a fury she'd never seen before.. Kate jogged up beside him and there was a mix of confusion and anger in her voice. "What the hell, Dean?"
And that made him stop in his tracks. He looked at her incredulously. "What the hell." He laughed- a mixture of anger and disbelief. "What the hell?!" He spread his arms and Kate could see how glossed-over his eyes were. "What. What else do you want to take from me? Huh? You need a car? Here." He fished his keys out of his jacket pocket and tossed them at her feet. "You need cash for your fucking trip?" He slammed open his wallet and carelessly threw bills onto the ground. "There. We good?" And without waiting for an answer, he turned and walked away again.
Kate was at a complete loss. She'd never seen her brother in this state before...never treat her like this. She watched as he continued to walk away until her mind finally snapped back into place. After quickly picking up the keys and a few nearby bills, she ran after him and from the side, gave him a harsh shove that made him stumble. "Taken from you? What the fuck have I taken from you?! I've done nothing but GIVE to you. You wanted this damn apple pie life with your new family? I gave that to you Dean! I'm letting you have that. I'm bowing out and leaving so you can HAVE that. So. Tell. Me." She gave him a shove with each word. "What exactly have I taken from you?"
Dean stopped in shock. He couldn't believe what she was saying, and the alcohol had removed whatever filter he used to have. "You think I WANT this apple pie life?!" he shouted. "Being tied down, going to soccer games, watching Wheel of Fortune, Sunday dinners?! No, Kate. I did this because it's what Sam wanted. It's what you wanted. You think I don't know how miserable you've been? Do you honestly think I don't see it- see that you hate hunting? Of course I fucking see it. You wanted out of this life a long time ago – isn't that why you applied to nursing school? Don't think for a second that I never knew about that," he threw in her face, even though they had agreed never to bring it up again. "All I ever wanted was to keep our family together. But that's not good enough for you, is it? No. You need to divorce yourself from me, completely. Fine. If that's what you want, then fine. I'm done trying to hold on to this family, when every move I make just drives every single one of you further away. I'm done trying to keep what I need, 'cause clearly it ain't what's best for everyone. So go. Call at Christmas. If you can be bothered to remember." He turned and walked away again.
Kate stood there completely dumbfounded. Hot, sharp tears pricked her eyes. She'd been so caught up in her own grief that she failed to realize everything that was going on with Dean, and just how deep her decision would cut. Had she really been that blind to think that he wouldn't be hurt by this? He put on such a good show that she had been convinced he actually wanted to embrace this new life, instead of doing it as a self-sacrifice for what he thought she wanted. Her lips fumbled a few times with words until finally she was able to call out, "Dean, come back!" When he showed no indication of stopping, she yelled with desperation and tears in her voice. "Please!"
And he hated himself for it-but he stopped. She said "Please." That meant she needed something. And since the day that either of them was born, whenever Sam or Kate needed something, every fiber of Dean's being became about giving them what they needed. So despite the fact that it felt like he was being dragged over red hot razor blades, he stopped. But he didn't turn around. He was trying to get a grip on himself for her sake.
Kate was genuinely shocked that he actually stopped. It took her a moment before she believed it happened and she started walking slowly toward him. "Dean...you have to stop this..." Her voice was gentle, like she was afraid to speak too loudly or harshly and it would break the fragile ice she was skating on.
He spun around, immediately ready for another go. "Stop what? Huh? Stop caring about you? Stop giving a damn about trying to keep you safe? Stop pretending that everything's peachy keen on White Picket Fence Lane? What? What do you want?" The intensity behind the question began to open up a crack in his demeanor, slightly. Kate could see that there was something behind it, but she didn't know exactly what it was.
Kate could see the sudden crack...it something that happened so rarely with her brother. She kept her tone light, not knowing what was really going on inside that head of his. "I want you to stop caring about what I want and start caring about what YOU want."
"Yeah? Well, what I want gets people killed. Or running away. So I'm not too keen on what I want at the moment." He dropped his head, his hands on his hips. The next part came out very quietly. "But if you want to go...then go. I'm not going to stop you. If that's what's best for you...if that's what you need..." He turned away from her. His voice was perfectly even, but she couldn't see his face. "Then that's what I want."
And that was what she wanted to hear…him to be okay with her leaving, but those words didn't even process because she was still caught up on the first part and it was breaking her heart into pieces just imagining the look on his face. "What are you talking about? What do you want that gets people killed, Dean? Why can't you just be honest with me for once!" It wasn't a question but a frustrated statement. "I'm your sister. I'm the only one you got left and you think you have to put on this game face and go through the motions, doing everything you THINK I want...but why can't you just tell me what you want?" She reached out and gently touched his upper arm. "I'm not going to leave you-not forever anyway."
At hearing those words, a single tear slipped down his cheek. "Yeah. That's what Sam said. And he's dead. I just wanted to stop the Apocalypse. I wanted to make the world safe again. I wanted to stop Lucifer. And now, Sam's dead. And you're right. You are the only one I've got left. And I don't know what I did to make you want to run, but that's what you say you need. Is to leave." He was broken. His voice was subdued, quiet. He got nothing left in him, no energy left to fight the inevitable. "So I want the option that means you don't die. That you're happy. Kate- I don't care what I want anymore. I just want you to be okay."
She took a step closer. "Dean..." Her voice was so soft and gentle, almost motherly. "You didn't do anything to make me run. It's me. It's up here." She tapped on her forehead with her fingers, showing it was in her head. "I can't..." She took a deep breath, trying to decide how to explain it. "Do you know how many places I've been in this fucking town?" She didn't wait for him to answer. "Three. Lisa's house," she counted off on her fingers, "The ice cream joint. And..." Her fingers fell and she hesitated. "You remember a week after Sam died and you started that new construction job? It was a Tuesday. And you got up before the ass crack of dawn to go to work. Do you remember?" Her watery eyes searched his. She knew exactly where she was going with this, because he needed to understand what was really going on inside her head.
He nodded, indicating that he remembered. In reality, everything was such a blur- a hazy painful mess- that he knew he got up early to go to work, but that was really it. He waited for her to continue.
She took a deep breath to steady her emotions before speaking. "You left early. And when I ...when I got up, you weren't there. You left and I didn't even get to see you. And the whole day this," she pointed to her head again, "this wouldn't let me rest. I can't shut off my thoughts, Dean. They eventually convinced me you were gone...that you left without saying goodbye and that was it. It was over and I was alone in a world I didn't want to be in." She wiped a few tears away that escaped. "And that part took over...it consumed me into a fucking mess. Until I finally took Lisa's bike and rode around town until I found you. And I sat there. Sat there and watched you guys work until my mind finally saw that you were alive and still there. It took me longer than I'll admit to convince myself that you hadn't been taken and were alive - even though I saw you with my own eyes at that damn construction site."
She continued, needing to get it all out in the open, "And I've gone to find you every other day you've left without saying goodbye-including today. I knew what you were already building before you told us at dinner because I saw it. I woke up and you weren't there this morning, and my mind won't let me believe you're just at work. Because we've never just left each other without saying goodbye. We've never gone out without the other. It just doesn't work that way. Until one day, you just don't come home, because that's what has happened, Dean." The tears started falling relentlessly. "My mind is so fucked up that it won't let me believe you're coming back. Because everyone leaves me. Dad, you, Sam. Everyone dies and I know I'll be here alone...that it's only a matter of time until life gives me what I deserve—complete abandonment. I can't live like this. It's literally killing me and the only way I know how to make it stop is to run."
Dean's mouth dropped open, shocked. So that was the reason she'd been on these bike rides - not to get drugs or deep underworld books, but to find him because he'd been dumb enough to leave without saying goodbye. He had no clue. His baby sister thought he was leaving her, and she had the same goddamn fear he did—pure abandonment. His heart literally ached, now knowing he had something to do with it. Without even a moment's hesitation, he grabbed her and pulled her into his chest. He was holding on for dear life. "I would never knowingly do that to you, Katie. I would never leave you- just up and abandon you like that." And then he choked on his own words. Because he did do that. When he died and went to hell, he left her and Sam. It was different than abandoning her, but for the first time he realized that it didn't feel any different to her. As he held her, Kate could feel his tears drop into her hair. "I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry, kid." There were no more words he could say. He wanted to fix this. To help her- but he was out of words and emotionally reaching the end.
She wrapped her arms around him and as she felt his tears, it only made her own come harder as she pressed her cheek against his chest. Finally, after a few minutes, she spoke through tears, "I just thought if I leave, it's like ripping the band aid off. It'll make my mind stop thinking you're abandoning me. But I- I-," there was another wave of tears, "I can't lose you."
He put his hand on the back of her head, keeping her pressed into him. "I can't lose you either. Kate- I don't even know who I am without you and Sam. And now half of that's gone. And if I lose you too- then that's just it. That's it for me. I'm done. I know I need to have something else to make me realize who I am- but dammit, I just don't want anything else. I want you to be happy. And safe. And not scared. That's all I've ever wanted for you both." He took a deep breath and summoned every ounce of courage he could. "So tell me what you need. Let me help you. Let me know that I haven't failed you. Let me get you what you need. Whatever that means." He meant it, every word of it. If he had to let his sister go for a while, he would suck it up and do it—he'd do anything she needed. It was and always would be his job.
Her tears started to subside and her right hand reached up and lightly clasped onto his shirt as she was still pressed against him...a gesture she did time and time again when she was little. It was almost like a comfort seeking reflex that even she wasn't aware of. "I need you to never leave me. I need you to be happy." She took a deep breath to keep herself calm. "I need my mind to stop thinking the worst is going to happen...I just...I just need YOU, De. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry."
"You have nothing to apologize for. But listen up." He pulled her away from him just enough to take her face in his hands and looked her right in the eye. "I will not leave you. I will always, ALWAYS be here for you. I promise." He pulled her back into his chest. "I don't know how we'll do it...but we'll find a way to be happy again. Okay? Whatever it takes. We'll figure it out. I promise you."
"I know, Dean. Somewhere deep in my heart, I've always known that you've never leave...but I've just been so... out of it lately that up is down and down is up, you know?"
"I know, midget. Me too. It's like...being in a fog. And you just can't freaking find your way out. There's no light, no road...just nothing but fog." He hung his head for a moment. "And my mistake was trying to get through it on my own." He gave a self deprecating grin. "You know how much I suck on my own."
Kate just smiled softly for a second, taking it all in. This was the first REAL conversation they'd had since Sam died. The first honest moment between the two of them. Sam died and Dean had just shoved everything down and locked it away, throwing himself into the apple pie life and work all within a week and leaving Kate to believe he had been okay. And how he described everything just now? That was exactly what she'd been struggling with. "Stuck in a fog with no escape." She repeated to no one in particular and then she looked up at him. "I think we can make it out-together. But you have to promise me one thing."
He took another deep breath. He was ready now to give her what she needed, even if that meant time away from him. "Anything. What is it?"
"I need you to promise to be honest with me. This whole time...this whole time I thought you were okay with what happened. That you adjusted. And I thought I was the only one in pain. It would have been nice to know I wasn't the only one, you know? Don't hide stuff from me."
Dean's jaw flexed for a moment. "Okay. You want honesty? Here it is. I'm gonna try, Kate. I will make a real effort to do that- tell you what's going on in my head instead of shoving it down, pretending that it doesn't exist. But- more than anyone- you know that ain't gonna be an easy habit for me to break. I spend so much of my life putting my feelings on the back burner that it's almost like my first response. So...I will give you permission...to call bullshit on me." He set his jaw and looked her straight in the eye to let her know he was dead serious.
She stared at him for a moment, taking in his words. She knew it hadn't been easy for him to even admit to being willing to try, so this was a step in the right direction. "I'm sure you will try...and so will I. I won't force you into a feels circle to sing sad songs or anything. But you just have to be willing to open up more with me, okay? With Sam... It was easy." She paused for a moment as if reliving a memory. "And if anyone can break down your rough outside, it's your fucking little sister." She grinned.
He couldn't help but smile back at her. "Okay. Well...you cheat. At breaking down my shell. You keep playing that damn little sister card. You know, eventually, its power will run out." He smiled cockily at her. They both know it would never run out. Then his face got serious. "But- do me a favor then too, okay?"
Her smile faded as she noticed his sudden seriousness. "Of course...what is it?"
Kate could see he was struggling for control. He set his jaw and plowed ahead. "When...you do need to...leave..." He broke off and looked her in the eye. There were tears sitting firmly in his green eyes that he refused to let fall. "Just...give me a heads up, okay? Don't just go. Give me a chance to..." He couldn't bring himself to say the words "say goodbye," so instead, he opted for a joke, throwing his casual grin on his face. "Try to talk you out of it, okay?" He smirked at her, but she knew what he was about to say, but couldn't.
She smiled softly, seeing right through his joking exterior. She could read the words behind his watery eyes and it made her throat close up again. She wanted to tell him she didn't plan on leaving, especially not after the break through they just had, but the only thing that came out is a simple response. "I promise." And she wrapped her arms around him again, this time holding on for dear life.