WELCOME EVERYONE TO THE THIRTIETH EDITION OF THE KICK-ASS STORY OF THE BATTLE CATS: X! THE STORY BASED OFF OF THE HIT MOBILE GAME, KNOWN SIMPLY AS THE BATTLE CATS. THIS MARKS THE BEGINNING OF THE SEVENTH ARC OF THE FIRST SAGA OF THE SERIES, THE LEGENDARY CAT SHIELD ARC. I HOPE YOU ENJOY WHAT I HAVE TO OFFER!
Over in Norway, The Battle Act members are enjoying a lovely cold winters morning. Bob is rolling up snow to build a snowman, Cat is rolling around in the snowy grass, Tank Cat is finger writing on the snow covered fences, Axe Cat is bashing his axe on the ground to make snow bounce, Gross Cat is making the worlds largest snow angel, Cow Cat is piling up snow on his horns, Bird Cat is flying in the sky letting snow fall on his body, Fish Cat is eating some snow, Lizard Cat made his own hot tub by melting the snow and putting it into a hole, Bean Cats are bouncing around throwing snowballs at one another, and Titan Cat is embracing the cold air.
Bean Cat L: Who knew Norway could be so fun!? he is giggling as he grabs a large snowball and flattens his Bead pod colleague with it
Titan Cat: It is, but it can also be expensive. I was charged 700 Cat Food worth of Norwegian Krone to set up here. According to the Super Register that is.
Tank Cat: he stops writing 700 CATFOOD!? We're being robbed every last cent we have. he pouts as he starts writing "Down With the Norges Bank" on the fence
Fish Cat: his mouth full of Cat Food Woah... that much just to stay here for like, eighteen hours?
Bird Cat: Indeed, Norway is well known for their high costs and taxes, but they make up for their high quality of life aspects. They are one of the richest and most developed countries in the world.
Cat: That explains why Income Tax is the name of the treasure variants after all! he giggles as he plows himself in the snow
Bob: Ah, so this must be the country for me, huh. I believe I could make these dumbasses buy whatever I have for sale. They'll be stacking on me like crazy, and I'll make insane profits. I fucking love Norway. he stacks two giant snow balls on top of one another to form a Snow Man
Gross Cat: he cackles at the sight in front of him That snow man has no face, so it looks like one of Those Guys ate a bit too much at the family gathering.
Bob: Really? Well, your snow angel looks like it was on too much growth hormones. he flicks his toothpick as he begins laughing And you're saying my snowman is shit. some snow lands on his face
Axe Cat: Oops! I was bashing this snow here, I never saw you at all Bob. he snickers at the sight in front of him
Bob: Yeah, tanto faz. (whatever) he grumbles as he wipes some snow off of his face
Cow Cat: Woah, holy smoked ham! Lizard Cat has his own hot tub! Careful man, you're going to get taxed big time for that. he gulps in fear for Lizard Cat
Lizard Cat: It's my own creation, I won't be taxed for it. I hope... he shudders as he plunges himself deeper
Cow Cat: he touches the waterand instantly burns himself AY! Get out of that damn hot tub! You're going to burn yourself with all that fire you're adding.
Lizard Cat: I am a cold blooded animal. The Cat God prioritized my lizard traits over my cat ones. So me and Fish Cat can actually both survive extremely high temperatures. he continues to burn the water until it becomes too hot Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow! he rubs himself all over the ground to cool down, but the sudden change in temperature causes his body to blister AGH! Too cold...
Tank Cat: Say, are we going to the enemy base now? I bet they're all looking for us to give them a showdown.
Cat: Yeah, let's get going before this cold temperature begins to affect our fur.
Bob: This is decent enough temperature. Eu não entendo porque vós não gostam desse clima. (I don't get why you guys don't like this weather) Perfect temperature for ass kicking and bastard beating!
The Battle Act begin to make their way outside, they all take a good look at the enemy base in front of their very eyes. It is a stereotypical Norwegian base based off of none other than a widely fish known as the Atlantic Cod! It is a recreated Cod splashing on some water on top of an iceberg. It was really crafted with a lot of detail and thought put into it. Especially considering the fact it is made purely and entirely out of wood. Now that is some impressive stuff by the Authorial Association right there!
Gross Cat: Woah, check out all this for some cod. Now I'm starting to feel a bit hungry.
Fish Cat: If only I didn't eat all that snow, I would be really hungry too!
Bean Cat R: Mmh, that cod looks highly delectable. Yummy. he licks his lips as he stares at the building
Tank Cat: If only its contents were really edible... he sighs as he looks at the base in wonder
Titan Cat: Okay, gentlemen, I suggest we just get a move on, and make sure that the enemies don't go ahead and make advances on us. he shakes his head The last thing we want is for one of us to pass away or go missing.
Axe Cat: Relax, Titan Cat, we got this! You don't need to be on our dicks all the time. he smirks as he nudges Titan Cat
Titan Cat: he sends a blow right into Axe Cat's head Don't tell me what to think, jackass... he scoffs as he walks up
Bob: I suppose I should get a good look at these enemies myself. he flicks his toothpick as he begins running
Inside of The enemy base, the enemies are all training in order to put up a good fight against The Battle Act. Gory is pushing some weights across his chest, Jackie Peng is practicing Kung Fu in his room, Pigge is applying some tan onto herself, Hippoe is eating a watermelon whole, Those Guys are watching Hippoe in awe, Snache is painting himself in the kitchen, Baa Baa is preparing chicken casserole, Sir Seal is punching a hole in the wall, and Croco is sleeping on top of Pigge.
Pigge: Croco, can you get off me? I'm trying to apply some tan here... she rolls her eyes as she continues to tan
Croco: No can do, I'm trying to get my eight hours of sleep... I missed one and a half hours of my precious sleep trying to fight off these bastards.
Pigge: That clearly doesn't excuse the fact you're on me. Now get off before I force you to.
Croco: Okay, okay! Sheesh, I'm just trying to nap here. he mutters as he makes his way downstairs, he meets up with Hippoe, Snache, and Those Guys downstairs
Snache: Ah, hey there, Croco. What brings you down here to this shit hole, huh?
Croco: Trying to find something to drink... he grabs a soda out of the fridge and slams it What the fuck is Hippoe doing?
That Guy B: They're eating an entire watermelon. And let me tell you... it's impressive.
Hippoe: Come on... I can do it! This watermelon isn't strong enough for... they push the watermelon back, and the whole thing crushes in their mouth HIPPOE!
That Guy A: Wow, that is so cool. he giggles as he cheers frantically
That Guy C: I wish I was half as cool as Hippoe is. he sighs as he attempts to do the same with an apricot, he begins choking
Snache: This actual idiot... Sweetie, don't put a whole apricot in your mouth!
That Guy C: I'm choking! he begins to cough and gag, until he spits it out
Baa Baa: I heard somebody got sick. Chicken casserole helps with that.
That Guy B: Ooh, Chicken Casserole, don't mind if I do. he begins rushing towards Baa Baa
Hippoe: I'll have seconds if you provide them! they cackle as they join in
Jackie Peng: Jackie Peng is hungry. I want a beverage... who here has Hydrogen, Hydrogen, Oxygen to give to him?
Pigge: We ran out of water earlier... sorry about that. she snorts as she comes down the stairs
Gory: he is sweating after his workout Sir Seal just busted a hole in the wall. Who is going to ridicule him?
That Guy A: Ooh, ooh, me, me, me! he jumps as he raises his hand
Gory: Go on then. Tell him exactly how you feel. Tell him he r- he interrupts himself as That Guy A is yelling
That Guy A: SIR SEAL! DON'T BUST A HOLE IN THE WALL! It hurts the poor thing.
Sir Seal: Oh, be quiet, you! I'm trying to test my fighting skills against Roberto Mourinho Jablovskyy! He is way too hard for us to handle.
That Guy A: Who?
Sir Seal: he sighs in annoyance BOB! Who else would have that name?
That Guy A: he realizes Oh... that makes perfect sense Sir Seal sir! he saluted before running away
All the enemies gather up and begin to make their way outside. They all seem pretty hyped about kicking the asses of everyone here today. They all seem to be shivering as they enter the cold temperatures of Norway.
That Guy C: Hey Bob, aren't you cold outside? he stares at him in confusion It's well below freezing point.
Bob: Huh? Is it? he stares for a moment before shivering AGH, WHY DID NO ONE TELL ME IT WAS GOING TO BE THIS COLD!? his teeth are clattering as he grabs himself For fuck sake...
Everyone else simultaneously: DID YOU ONLY REALIZE THIS NOW!? they all glare at him
Bean Cat L: Sometimes, I question if our savior has any flaws, and I believe this is it.
Bean Cat R: Hey, me too. Yeah, he isn't very smart when it comes to his temperatures.
Cat: Bob, you may be powerful, but you're not the brightest when it comes to temperature or fashion. I know you only get cold or hot when someone reminds you that it is, but you should be prepared just in case. he smirks as he nuzzles into him to warm him up SOMEONE GET HIM THE FUR COAT!
Cow Cat: Aye! You'll be so warm to the point where you wouldn't be able to tell the difference between here, and the Sahara Desert! he rushes into the Cat Base to retrieve the fur coat, he later returns with it and puts it on Bob
Bob: Hey, thanks guys, I appreciate it. he smirks as he feels the coat on him Agora é hora de dar uma surra nesses bastardos! (Now, it's time to beat the shit out of these bastards!)
Sir Seal: he chuckles quietly after seeing that interesting moment It was quite a sight to behold, I'll give you that. But I'm afraid now we're going to put you in your place, kid.
Cat: Are you ready Bob? Do you believe we should take on these guys together?
Bob: Mhm! I'd say it's about time that we get started, these guys are powerful enough to crack the ground with their strength. he smirks as he flicks his toothpick Let's get this over with.
The Battle Begins! Bean Cats are taking on Those Guys as they clash into one another. Those Guys all pounce on the bean pod and begin to slap it and kick it, causing it to bruise up and receive visible damage. Bean Cats respond by bouncing and slamming their bean right onto the them. Their heads begin to bleed out from the impact and they are left to limp from the damage they all received.
That Guy A: Ow, my head! It really hurts by the way. he grumbles as he gets up
That Guy C: We are going to show you two HELL for that, and let me tell you, it is not going to be pretty. he smirks as he begins to approach them
That Guy B: Uhh, what exactly are we going to them? he scratches his head in confusion
Bean Cat R: Hey, I don't like that they're planning. They are probably going to kill us.
Bean Cat L: Will you chill? I have a decent enough plan which will get us the victory against them. Our bean pod is our SHIELD, it is our SAVIOR, we will beat these runts even if it's the last thing we get to do.
That Guy C: Yeah right. I love it when you bluff like that. he smirks as he walks towards them Keep bluffing, and maybe I'll give you a hug.
Bean Cat L: A hug you say? Well... if you say so. WE CAN EASILY KILL YOUR RICH PARENTS!
Bean Cat R: AND WE ARE TOP TIER FIGHTERS, SO I'D SAY BACK AWAY IF I WERE YOU.
That Guy C: Yippee! Okay, you get a free hug now. he rushes towards the Bean Cats and sandwiches himself in the embrace
Bean Cats simultaneously: This feels so good! they purr as they nuzzle into him
Those Guys A and B simultaneously: GET OUT OF THERE AND FIGHT THEM!
That Guy C: Two seconds, I'm just filling out a promise. It won't take long, you can trust me on that.
Those Guys A and B grab That Guy C and pull him out of the hug, eventually, the fight resumes and they properly brawl once again. They all climb on top of Bean Cats and begins to slap their faces, this causes scratches to be present. The two Cats grumble as they scratch them all in the face, causing them to bleed out and have a large scratch mark on their faces and for blood to drip on their shoulders. They all glare at Bean Cats.
That Guy C: Why did you feel the need to scratch me in the face? I was giving you a hug.
Bean Cat R: Sorry, but we have to keep our promise against fighting enemies, unless you want to join us and become a member, you're toast.
That Guy A: Oh shit, they are going to wipe the FLOOR with us! he cowers in fear
Bean Cats simultaneously: TOO BAD SO SAD, FRIENDS!
They pounce on them all once more, causing their heads to flatten out and they all go unconscious from the impact.Bean Cats just chuckle at their sight in front of them, meanwhile, Baa Baa is fighting against Tank Cat. Tank Cat head butts Baa Baa right in the head, this results in Baa Baa bruising up and beginning to trip backwards. His head is bruised up. Baa Baa gets revenge by doing the exact same thing to Tank Cat. This causes his head to bruise up just like Baa Baa's. The horns especially doing the most damage.
Baa Baa: he backs away That hurt. So I did it to you. How do you feel after experiencing that? he stares at Tank Cat
Tank Cat: It hurts... a fair bit. But you're weak, just like me. he smirks And that's okay! But I'm afraid I'm going to try and take you down.
Baa Baa: Do you want to hear a joke? he looks at him blankly
Tank Cat: he beams brightly at the suggestion Ooh! A joke, do tell. he sits down as he looks at him
Baa Baa: Why did the mousse go to the hospital?
Tank Cat: Oh, why did the mousse go to the hospital? he seems interested in hearing the joke
Baa Baa: He was a chocoholic. This is the part where you laugh.
Tank Cat: he begins giggling and falling over Oh, that is so funny! You should be a comedian.
Baa Baa: he does that weird smile thing he did a few episodes back again Thanks. I have to fight you through. he charges after Tank Cat and bashes into his abdomen, causing him to cough up blood
Tank Cat: AGH! he coughs loudly Okay, now you've done it. I am going to get revenge on you for that. he spits on the floor and charges after Baa Baa
Tank Cat pounces on Baa Baa and slams onto him. He glares at Baa Baa as he goes down and bleeds out. He begins to kick his left eye, making it blacken out. Baa Baa gets up emotionlessly and stares at Tank Cat in confusion. He prepares to fight back, he charges into Tank Cat and slams onto him. Tank Cat ends up bleeding out severely from the impact, as his chest got crushed.
Tank Cat: weakly Get off me please... because I'm going to get you for that. he grumbles as he attempts to push him off
Baa Baa: I believe I'm winning. That is good because it benefits our team.
Tank Cat: Oh, really? Well, I have you right where I want you.
Tank Cat charges into Baa Baa and head butts him right in the face. Tank Cat sends Baa Baa right into the enemy base, he spews out blood and goes unconscious. Tank Cat smirks at the sight and begins to look for someone to help out if they need it. Elsewhere, Gory is charging right after Bird Cat. Gory slams into Bird Cat and bashes his face in with his fists. This causes him to begin coughing up blood as he weakly attempts to fly away.
Gory: Hah! Are you running away from a fight, little weakling? he smirks as he charges after Bird Cat
Bird Cat: Negative, I am only trying to find a decent method of attacking you. This is an efficient way of getting a decent move on you. he smirks as he looks at Gory
Gory: Get back here. You are proving that you are too scared to take on a real fighter. Are you worried that I might humiliate you or something?
Bird Cat: I believe I stalled you enough to the point where I found a perfect shot at attacking you. You are now in a vulnerable position for my attack.
Gory: What the hell are you talking about, Bird Cat? he grumbles as he looks at him with utter confusion
Bird Cat eventually uses the moment to strike right into Gory's rear end, he eventually pounces right into him. This causes Gory to go flying and he lands head first into the snow, he is bleeding out from his head as he looks at Bird Cat, clearly pissed off.
Gory: Why you little runt! You are going to get your fucking ads handed to you for that. he beats his chest as he charges into Bird Cat
Bird Cat: Please have an attempt at dodging this move. he flies right into Gory and bashes his abdomen, causing him to begin spewing out blood and fall on the floor
Gory: he grumbles as he clutches his torso Ugh... you sure know how to fight for a Cat with little to no durability, I'll give you that. he smirks as he wipes the blood out of his face
Bird Cat: he flaps his wings, helping remove the blood from his initial injury Yeah, I believe you'd find pleasure in what I have to deliver you. he smiles as he soars right into Gory
Gory bashes Bird Cat's head in defense, but he was too late, his abdomen gets crushed from the impact Bird Cat delivered to him. He falls on the floor and is barely conscious. Bird Cat received decent damage from Gory's bash. He is spewing blood from all over his forehead. He weakly flies down and bites into Gory's neck. Gory eventually becomes unconscious from the final impact of the attack.
Bird Cat: There we go. Now I believe I should indulge myself into a good book and tend to my injuries prior to becoming unconscious from these attacks.
Bird Cat flies away in attempts of healing himself. Somewhere else on the battlefield, Bob and Gross Cat are fighting against Jackie Peng. Jackie Peng dashes right into Bob and pecks him on the right shoulder with his beak, this results in Bob beginning to spew out blood and it trickles down his arm. Bob returns the favor by sending a blow right into Jackie Peng's face, this results in Jackie Peng receiving a black eye and bruising up all over his face. Gross Cat chooses to double down and slaps Jackie Peng right across the neck. This results in Jackie Peng to cough up blood and fall over.
Gross Cat: Hey Bob, check it out! We delivered a nasty old attack right into Jackie Peng and there is nothing he can do about it. he smirks as he looks at the penguin on the floor
Bob: Yeah. This son of a bitch can't do anything to us, we have him right where we want him. And now this motherfucker will face the consequences of showing cheek to our faces. he cracks his knuckles as he glares at Jackie Peng
Jackie Peng: Wah! Jackie Peng does not want any trouble, he only wants victory. he stands up weakly as he looks at Bob's injury
Bob: Ah, do you like what you see? Well, how about looking at it up close!? he sends a sharp blow right into Jackie Peng's beak, this results in it bleeding tremendously
Gross Cat: Ooh, that was an intense blow for sure! There is no way Jackie Peng could have possible survived such an attack move there. he cackles away at the sight in front of him
Jackie Peng: Jackie Peng is ANGRY! And do you know what Jackie Peng does when he is angry? HE SENDS THE CAUSE OF THE ANGER TO HELL! I am not kidding around here, Bob. he zooms right into Bob and whacks his neck with a Kung Fu move, this results in his neck to crack and for Bob to bleed out
Bob: Agh, he grabs his neck in pain that son of a bitch got me where I least expected him to!
Gross Cat: Oh, no you don't! Nobody shows disrespect to our friend Bob. No matter who you are or what you believe.
Gross Cat stretches before giving Jackie Peng a big slap in the face. Jackie Peng's right cheek is scratched and bleeding intensely from the impact. He is stammering before he falls on the floor. He lands on a rock, which fractures his crown, and he goes unconscious almost instantly from the impact.
Gross Cat: No need to thank me, Bob. I'm only doing my best for The Battle Act. After all, you're definitely going to need my help when the going gets tough. he winks at Bob before wrapping his arm around him
Bob: Heh, obrigado, Gato Gross! (thanks, Gross Cat!) he flicks his toothpick as the two of them make their way across, looking for someone to assist in battle Where the fuck is everyone?
Gross Cat: No idea man... no idea at all. he shrugs his shoulders as the two continue searching
Meanwhile, Cat and Titan Cat are taking on Snache and Croco in a highly unbalanced battle. Titan Cat leads the way as they begin to fight. He starts by sending a blow towards Croco, causing his jaw to bleed out from the pressure received by the punch. He responds by biting right into his fist the second it is vulnerable, this results in the fist to have several bite marks, and some of the skin underneath to bleed out from the strike. Snache begins to bite right into Titan Cat's left knee, this results in his knee to have a deep bite mark from Snache's sharp talons. Cat attempts to counter their attacks on him by biting right into Snache's tail, which he succeeds in, as he falls over and begins to tend to his tail.
Titan Cat: Not bad Cat, you outsmarted the little brat. he smirks as he continues to beat the head of Croco in
Cat: Well, I'm not letting him get away from this fight. he bites into Snache's cheek, as he ends up bleeding from the attack
Snache: Get off my face you wretched feline! he hisses as he whips him with his tail Or I will obliterate your very being just for the sake of it.
Cat: he smirks as he glances at Croco Are you sure about that? Do you really believe that you have a decent shot at defeating me, hmm? he giggles as he shoves him away I'm going to go after Croco now.
Snache: HEY, GET BACK HERE! I did not ask you to get away from me like that, now, did I?
Croco: Oh God damn it! The short Cat is here to defeat me, just as I was about to make a run for it.
Cat: he giggles Well, that's too bad! I was just having fun seeing you get beaten up by Titan Cat over there. he wipes some of Croco's blood off his jaw in a teasing manner
Titan Cat: Indeed. We were enjoying this moment until you decided to cower away from my grip. he cracks his neck Now I am left to delivering a solid blow to your face before that happens.
Croco: Oh for fuck sake! I have to go through all the damn struggles, JUST so I can drink some soda peacefully.
Titan Cat: Well, feel free to drink all of that soda in YOUR SLEEP! he sends a heavy blow right into Croco's face, this results in him coughing up blood How was that for some attack?
Snache: What the fuck... he shudders in horror at the sight in front of him
Cat: I'd say run away, you don't want your pretty little painted body to get damaged, now, do you?
Snache: he growls I'LL GET YOU BASTARDS FOR THIS! he spits on the floor
Titan Cat: I'd love to see you try. he smirks as he walks towards Snache
Snache: he gulps in fear Okay, I will! he sighs as he makes his way towards him I am going to show you what happens when you make fun of us.
Titan Cat: Alright then... he stretches his back as he watches Snache prepare to take him down Give me your fucking worst!
Snache rushes up and pounces on Titan Cat's right eye and bites into it. He caused the eye to spew out blood and begin to blacken. However, Titan Cat grabs him and slams him into the ground, Snache almost instantly goes unconscious from the damage inflicted via the slam. Soon enough, Croco looks at them both and he is visibly annoyed and angry from the damage inflicted on his peer. He begins to crawl towards Titan Cat and pounces on him.
Croco: YOU CAN'T JUST DO SNACHE LIKE THAT AND EXPECT TO GET AWAY WITH IT! I will show you that I do not tolerate little shit holes like yourself to bring us down.
Titan Cat: I'm sorry. It was wrong of me to do that...
Croco: Alright thank you! See, apologizing isn't so hard now, is it? Now I be- gets interrupted by Titan Cat
Titan Cat: Without doing to same back to you, prepare to DIE right now! he slams his foot right into Croco's face, this results in him spewing out some blood from his mouth before going unconscious within seconds
Cat: Damn, did we really just obliterate the two of them? he just stares in disbelief as Titan Cat just casually walks away H-HEY! Wait up...
Somewhere else on the battlefield, there is a barbaric fight between Pigge, and Axe Cat with the help of Cow Cat. Cow Cat charges right into Pigge and slams right into her face, this causes her to bruise up all over the face and get covered in dirt as she tumbled over. She responds by slamming her torso right into Cow Cat, in hopes that she goes down within seconds. Axe Cat just yawns as he watches it all happen.
Cow Cat: he struggles to get out of her grip AXE CAT! Don't just stand there, help me out. Will you? Before long, I'm going to be turned into mincemeat, and when that happens, I'm going to be putting ALL the blame on you.
Axe Cat: Give me two seconds. All I need is a moment to sharpen this axe and make her the best she can be. Because Matilda is a precious little girl, and without frequent sharpening, she'll go to waste and become obscure.
Cow Cat: It doesn't even matter, you idiot! Help me out, I think my breath is beginning to shorten. he struggles to breathe as Pigge continues to suffocate him
Pigge: she cackles at the sight in front of her Yes, I'm afraid it's true! I am going to make sure you get the worst punishment ever. Because you guys frequently make me look like the fool. And now, I am fully in control as I am beating the shit out of Cow Cat. As if some shitty bloke like yourself has the ability to do that.
Axe Cat: Wait... what the hell did you just call me? he drops his axe as he begins to glare at her
Pigge: Oh, look at that, I believe I have angered the misogynist the second I said something he didn't want to hear. 'Tis but a shame when you really think about it.
Axe Cat: Oh-ho! Nobody calls me a shitty bloke, how would you feel if I were to call you a dirty ass ho!? he smirks as he joins in on the insults
Pigge: THAT'S IT! Your friend is dying, and there is nothing you can do about it. Full stop.
Axe Cat: It's called a PERIOD you buffoon! he charges right into Pigge And I don't give a shit if Cow Cat dies.
The two begin to clash right into each other in an epic duel! Axe Cat slashes right into Pigge, causing her back to cut open and for blood to spew out, she falls to her side, releasing Cow Cat in the process. Pigge charges head first right into Axe Cat. She bashes him right in the head, but his damage intake was reduced to half, therefore he got away with a minor scratch to the face.
Axe Cat: Hah, get humbled. he smirks as he backs away You don't stand a chance against me. For I AM THE MIGHTY AXE CAT! F- gets interrupted by Cow Cat who bashes a hoof into his head
Cow Cat: What the fuck do you mean by "I don't give a shit if Cow Cat dies."? he glares at Axe Cat, who rubs his head in pain
Axe Cat: Okay, I'm sorry. I was just making myself look cooler in front of Pigge. Now, can we drop this? I just want to take down Pigge and beat her ass before she can beat ours!
Pigge: Sorry but not sorry, I won't allow you to try that. You have to get through my attacks first! And it is not going to be an easy task, because I have been applying constant pressure to my hooves, therefore they are strong enough for this situation.
Cow Cat: I'll deal with you later... he glares at Axe Cat Okay, Pigge, time to beat the living hell out of you!
The three of them clash right on top of one another, they are fighting it out with class! Cow Cat and Axe Cat simultaneously bash Pigge with their respective weapons; Cow Cat's horns, and Axe Cat's battle axe. Pigge's face bleeds out as she tumbles onto the floor in agony.
Pigge: she glares at them angrily No fair! I didn't even get to do my attacks on you. she mumbles something inaudible under her breath You are going to get beaten up for that.
Axe Cat: Good luck with that, you fucking bitch. Be grateful that Fish Cat isn't here to nuke you to shreds! Because he would the second he smells bacon. But I'm afraid he is more into Seal Meat. he looks at Fish Cat take on Sir Seal in a powerful one on one So, any last words before I slash you down with my axe? he leans towards her face
Pigge: Your plating makes you look like a handicap. I don't give a shit if you are physically disabled by only having one eye. You treat me like I'm an ass for absolutely no reason. I hope that whenever you die, you rot in hell for eternity, and you you see what your actions will cause you.
Axe Cat: Yeah, I'm not going to take in all that, so, bye bye! he rushes up to Pigge and bashes his axe right into her ribs, she screams in pain before being tossed right into the Enemy Base, she goes unconscious from the impact
Cow Cat: That was pretty impressive there Axe Cat. I'll give you that my friend... I'll give you that.
Axe Cat: Yeah, it sure was. And I'm sure it will go down in history.
Cow Cat: Now, time for the punishment I have in store for you! You heartless little twat.
Axe Cat: Hahah... wait what?
Cow Cat: COME HERE YOU! he charges right into him and puts them both in a Cat and Mouse chase sequence
Axe Cat: Jesus Christ! I said I was sorry... why the fuck are you still angry at me for saying something I apologized for?
Cow Cat: Because I know your apologies are only used to get yourself out of trouble. I'm going to beat the living hell out of you!
The two begin to run around the entire battlefield, frequently tripping over the random Cat/Enemy. Speaking of Cats and Enemies, Lizard Cat is fighting against Hippoe. Hippoe is walking right into Lizard Cat in hopes of taking him down. Lizard Cat objects by shooting a fire ember right into their face, this causes them to burn up and blister as they back away. They are visibly pissed off at Lizard Cat for doing such a thing to their face.
Hippoe: Ugh... I feel my whole face burning up there. they grumble as they walk towards Lizard Cat I am going to beat the fuck out of you, and you are going to receive the worst punishment in existence.
Lizard Cat: Yeah right... keep dreaming, Hippoe. But you don't stand a chance, with my long range, and your slow speed, you are going to be nuked by my flames. he winks as he spins his tail
Hippoe: I do not appreciate your attitude here, you idiot! I'll have you know, I am not the kind to mess with. they stomp as they begin charging towards him
Hippoe bites down onto Lizard Cat's legs, this causes his claws to get crushed and begin to bleed out from the impact. He yelps in pain as he gets up, he focuses all his attention on Hippoe as they cackle.
Hippoe: they laugh heartedly as they look at Lizard Cat You absolute imbecile, you totally overestimated your fire breathing capabilities! And now, you're left to face the consequences of your lack of understanding by having your claws crushed.
Lizard Cat: he coughs up some blood as he barely manages to get up Listen here you little shit... I'll have you know that you can't take me on. Despite what that puny noggin of yours is telling you! he giggles slyly as he looks up at them I like how you think though...
Hippoe: Why thank you Lizard Cat, I appreciate the compliment. However, I must take you down, because if I don't, then I will be mocked for the rest of my life. I have to do the job, or be knocked out cold trying! they smirk as they walk towards Lizard Cat
Lizard Cat: Oh, is that the case, well.., he shoots a fire ember right into the sky let's see what you got, friend. For the sake of the Income Tax treasure variants.
The two continue to fight it out, they seem to be quite balanced as they are both getting fucked up! Meanwhile, Fish Cat and Sir Seal are going all out in a kick ass brawl! They are chowing off one another's flesh as they tackle each other in a ruthless manner. Sir Seal bites deeply into Fish Cat's back, causing the gills to crush and bleed out. Fish Cat attempts to counter this by biting down deeply into Sir Seal's throat, this results in Sir Seal having his throat spew out blood in a gruesome way, doing extra damage because of his Strong Against Red enemies trait.
Sir Seal: Agh! he groans as he clutches his blubbery neck You big barbaric glutton! I am not going to let you beat the hell out of me like that, for I, am SIR SEAL OF THE SEASIDE! And I am not going to tolerate your cruelty towards me.
Fish Cat: Well, to be fair, you kind of were tolerating my attacks, by letting them happen! he smirks, showing off his sharp talons I believe that you need a better understanding on how I roll. And I will bring you hell for the sake of it.
Sir Seal: I doubt it. he bites deeply into Fish Cat's neck, however, he fails to do decent damage, due to his damage being reduced AGH! If only you could take all the damage like everyone else would. You should realize I am not enjoying any second of this.
Fish Cat: That is music to my ears, pal! Music to my motherfucking ears! he cackles as he continues to tackle Sir Seal
They are both left to their barbaric tumble, suddenly, Bean Cats come flying out of the shadows as they bounce right onto Sir Seal. They end up delivering a decent Knock Back attack to him as he gets pushed back away from Fish Cat before he could do a solid attack move.
Fish Cat: BEAN CATS! Wow, you guys are the best of the best. How about I treat you fellas to some snow? My treat, eh?
Bean Cat R: Eh, no thanks, I'm fine! But I appreciate the offer, don't get me wrong.
Fish Cat: Ah it's fine, more for me! he chows down on the snow in front of him, he is enjoying it a lot
Bean Cat L: I believe it is time for you to kick the bucket once and for all, Sir Seal.
Sir Seal: EH!? Bean Cats? Oh God damn it! This is really turning out to be a real pain in the ass. Just what I needed on a trip to Norway. he scoffs as he rolls his eyes
Fish Cat: Oh, yeah! We got the whole gang here tonight! And you better be prepared for all the shit we're about to bring to you, mate. he cackles as he stares into his eyes
Sir Seal: I'm not sure you and Bean Cats would be considered to be the whole gang... but whatever floats your boat, I'm fine with. he grins menacingly as he begins to approach them
Bob: THEY'RE MISSING ME! he comes right in and sends a blow right into Sir Seal's face, causing his jaw to dislocate and for Sir Seal to land onto the floor
Fish Cat and Bean Cats simultaneously: BOB! You made it! they approach him and hug him tightly
Bob: Yeah, I believe I was getting bored as fuck, so I decided to intervene with your little bitchy fight and take him down. he flicks his toothpick as he chuckles Agora vamos derrotar esse selo antes que ele possa se levantar. (Now let's defeat this seal before he can get up)
Fish Cat: I don't understand a SINGLE word he just said, but I'm agreeing with it. Even if he's asking to hook up with my biological mother.
Sir Seal: Oh shit... I have to get up before he can even try that out. he nervously gets up, but he is far too late
Bob rushes at top speed right into Sir Seal and kicks his head in. Bob smirks at the sight as he begins to beat the living hell out of him. He delivers a blow right into the back of his neck, causing him to cough up blood and cower in fear. Bob stares in amusement before pouncing on Sir Seal and punching his face over and over again. Until he passes out and lays unconsciously on Bob.
Fish Cat: Wow... that was amazing shit out there Bob. If only I had half the strength that you have.
Bob: Well, let me tell you this, it doesn't come easy at all. You have to train your ass off on a daily basis just to maintain it.
Bean Cat L: Hey bro, are you writing it all down for future references?
Bean Cat R: Of course I am! How else am I supposed to figure out how to beat this guy up? Thanks Bob!
Bob: You're welcome, little guy. he smirks as he rushes towards the enemy base Now, time to get some Income Tax! he cackles as he breaks his way inside
Hippoe: Oh shit... am I the one that actually survives and gets to bring everyone to their next location!? they are lost for words
Lizard Cat: Yeah, I believe that it is the case. Now come along and make your way out of here before I beat the hell out of you. he smirks as he wraps his tail around Hippoe
Hippoe: Right! I-I'll get going. they re-focus as they begin running away, and grabbing all of the enemies in the process
Bob: Hey everyone, I got the three variants of the Income Tax treasure! he flicks his toothpick as he looks at everyone
Bird Cat: Ah, splendid! Just what we need to conclude yet another day of combat and action. he smiles warmly as he makes his way inside
Cat: Sheesh, who the hell did that to Bird Cat? He seems like he won't last very long.
Tank Cat: I don't know, but he is probably going to die very soon! I know because I could just tell from looking at him. he giggles as he joins him indoors
Eventually, the entire Battle Act make their way inside of The Cat Base. They are all tending to their painful injuries and listening to one another's kick ass battle. They all seem to be happy that they won. Now that they have the Inferior, Normal, and Superior Income Tax, they know that they are going to get the Legendary Cat Shield soon enough. Eventually, Bob speaks up.
Bob: Hey Cat, my buddy, my pal, my fellow combatant, tell me where the fuck we'd heading to next otherwise I'll kick your little head in. he smirks as he strokes Cat's head
Cat: he giggles as he leans in to the petting I doubt you'll actually want to kick such a cute little face in, but alright! Okay, tomorrow, we are going to the United Kingdom! We will be attempting to obtain the Fish and Chips treasure variants. And we will be facing the following enemies; Those Guys, Pigge, Baa Baa, Le'Boin, and Croco. So we are going up against a unique bunch, that's for sure.
Axe Cat: visibly injured to bits as Cow Cat grabs him Ooh, we're heading to The UK? That sounds pretty epic for sure. Let's just hope some sweaty British football fan doesn't run us over with his truck.
Gross Cat: I doubt that is ever going to happen to any of us. But it would be funny if it were. he smirks Alright everyone, I'm calling it a night, I'd say let's all do the same.
And so, all of The Battle Act make their way to bed in order to prepare for their fight tomorrow. They are going to need a lot of wit and courage in order to step up to these enemies. They are all satisfied with today's results, we can only hope for the best tomorrow. They are going to need a lot of energy in order to take on the competition. We shall now leave them all in peace as they sleep in their beds, quiet and still. Dreaming of several possibilities of tomorrow.
TO BE CONTINUED
Look at that, I've been doing this little thingy for a month! That is some really shocking news for sure. 30 consecutive days, we went through Asia, Africa, and now Europe. We got several pieces of equipment, from energy drinks, to super registers, I wanted to give the story it's unique wit and humor. Nothing new debuted here, so I tried my hardest to guarantee character dialog is present. I am all about chemistry between Bob and the animals. And I tried to give my unique sense of humor too. I hope you love how this turned out, and to another 30 days worth of writing!
Now all you have to do is wait patiently, and the next edition will be coming very soon!
The Battle Cats (2014) and its respective characters and features are all owned by Ponos Corporation.
The character Bob is owned by me, however, feel free to use him, just as long as it's for free and you don't profit.
This fiction and story is 100% unofficial and can be considered as Fan Made.